#125 This could drive you crazy

even using right now to listen to it. I know that we have a lot of people that have come from social media and come from TikTok. We have a lot of TikTokers watching these days, and because I put these little clips on there and it brings you here, so welcome. I also know that we have people coming from after Midnight, my radio show, and then we have

my music fans, so a lot of different people. Some of you might not be connected at all, but I just want you to know that I'm thinking about all the different groups and I'm grateful for this time that we get to spend sitting around a campfire. And that's what I think this podcast is like. It's like me and you sitting around a campfire. It's getting late and you walk up, I'm by myself and you say, hey,

could I kind of run something by you? Something s been on my mind, been thinking about something, something that's been bothering me, or I'm trying to make I'm wrestling with it in some way, and I'd like to talk to you about it. And I'm not always right, but I'll just tell you that, I tell you I could walk through it the best that I know how as

if we're friends, and that's honestly how I feel. If you want to be part of this podcast, if you want to be part of these questions, you just email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get to them right now. It's just me today. The first first subject line says, ready for that campfire talk? Brother? I get it right, I get it. It, says Hattie Granger. I love watching your channels. I'm thirty one going on eighteen. Okay, jokes aside when I'm nervous. I joke around much of

my apologies. I'm getting married this year October eleventh, twenty twenty two, and we met in the military Camp Pendleton and we moved to his hometown in Texas. Here's the juice. My father has had his moments of being narcissistic. He has ruined a lot of holidays because of his opinion and in him not receiving the response he wants out of people, especially responses and actions from his own family.

He has verbally and physically abused the family. He thinks he can do no wrong and acts his own way. He thinks that he could act and do whatever he wants. He doesn't remember the power of the tongue brings life and death. His voice is opinion about my wedding. He doesn't want my sibling parenthesies, step kids to be invited to the wedding for his personal reasons. When I told him that I will still invite my siblings, he said some horrible things that a father should never say to

his baby girl. He said he wishes that I was never born and he couldn't wait till I changed my last name. Wow. He hopes that my fiance loses his job and we live out of a box under a freeway. I've been leaning on God. I know God wants me to be kind, generous, loving, forgiving, and I'm so afraid that my father will distort my wedding just like he did my older brother's wedding three years ago. I've been praying for him ever since I was a little girl hearing him yell at my mom in a locked room.

I know that God gave us free will, and it's up to my father to surrender to God that he will be saved from his own pain. But I get so angry and caught up in the moment, thinking my father will say, I love you, You're my everything, and then boom, I do something that he disagrees with, like inviting my sibling, and he disowns me so quickly, like a stray dog begging for food. I lost what love really is. I lost myself. I don't know how to respond.

Should I have more faith in God to protect me through this and invite him to my wedding this year, or should I save the heartache and not invite him. I feel wrong in both decisions. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. God bless it comes from Kenna, and then she puts at the bottom Proverbs eighteen twenty one, Kenna, thank you for emailing. This is not something I want

to take lightly. I feel the gravity of it, and I appreciate your vulnerability to share something that it's so troubling to you and also so personal and you want to share it in a public way to me, and I just I appreciate you so much. I'm so grateful for you, and I'm so grateful that you would trust this podcast to take this to Where do I start? There's a lot of starting spots here, but I want to start with God. I want to start with a part where you said, should I have more faith in

God protecting me through this and invite him to my wedding? Well? No, First of all, I don't believe. I don't believe that the Bible says in any way that He is going to protec us from problems. It's it's never part of any narrative or any story that we read in the Bible. God doesn't shield us from the problems or protect us from it. A lot of times this is not me. I'm just a messenger here. But the Bible will take us, says that God will take us into problems for us

to deal with with him. So we trust in him and lean on him, that He's going to lead us through it, and that we'll learn something from it, and that through the struggle, it will matter. So there's a big difference in saying that I trust God will get me through it and free me of it and free me of all the pain that doesn't come in this

lifetime on this earth. Instead, when we're on this earth, when we're in this flesh, when we're in these human tents, God will set up these struggles and take us through it so that we know more how to trust Him. In fact, I did a sermon on this where I use the analogy of link in my son going skiing with me and he was falling, and I kept picking him up and he would fall and I pick him up and he'd fall and A pick him up, and eventually I just wanted him to trust me that I

could get him down the mountain with me. But his only way to learn how to ski, the only way he was ever going to learn is if he went up there on the mountain and fell. And I didn't just hold him on the bunny slope. I didn't prevent him from ever falling. He needed the falls to learn. I knew that just like God knows that you need this, you need your struggles for you to learn to trust. Ultimately, learn to trust him, And this one time Lincoln fell off.

I told him not to go down this specific trail, and he went anyway, deliberately against what I said, and he fell. And this time I didn't run to get him. I let him sit there in the snow a little bit and he took off his glove and it was just completely wet, and I said, Lincoln, put the glove back on your hand, and he said, I can't, it's too wet. And I said, Lincoln, when will you learn to trust me? When will you know that I'm telling

you what you need to hear? All that being said, when he finally broke down and said, Daddy had come get me. I can't do this anymore. Then I went to him and I brushed off the snow and I put his glove on and I took him down the mountain. And sometimes it takes that through these kind of situations to go God, I can't do this anymore. I've lost what love really is. I've lost myself. You're saying that to me, I'm saying for you to say that back to God. Give it to him. Complete surrender. That's what

this is. And so that's that part of it. The second part of it is. I think you should forget about your dad going to this wedding. And I don't think that your dad from the little that I know about him, I don't think this is a guy that is it's really gonna matter that you didn't invite him to the wedding. I don't think that's gonna He's not gonna walk away and go, well, that was the final

straw with her. You know, this is a guy that's narcissistic, and he will keep coming back at different times, and then then it'll be update if you want to open that door again. But right now, this is not about him. This is about you and your husband and this beautiful wedding that you're planning, and this beautiful memory that you'll have the rest of your life at this wedding. And I don't think that he has a place in it right now. I don't think he's earned that spot. I

don't you know. I think that I think that that our reciprocal love back to our parents is contingent on how they're treating us. I think a father should always love a child because they brought him into this world. I think that that should be unconditional. But I think a child doesn't doesn't have to reciprocate that. You could have a horrible parent and you don't have to love them. You could love them because they brought you into the world, but you don't have to love them for any other reason.

This guy hasn't hasn't earned anything from you, especially being physically and verbally abusive to you and your mom and your siblings. Uhh now he's now, he's taking you down. He said some awful things like I hope you guys live in a box. I hope your husband if fiance loses his job. I can't wait for you to change your name. Hey, you could do this with grace. You could do it with absolute grace and say, Dad, I forgive you. I understand. I'm not surprised by this, but

I can't invite you to this wedding. I can't. I don't have the space. I'm sorry if that offends you, but this is not about you. This is about my wedding, and I don't have the emotional space to open up enough room for you to be with us. Say it like that that you could say it with so much grace and so much humility, where you don't have to be sharp with them. You don't have to be snarky with him. You don't have to say anything you can't take back. You just say, Dad, I want to work

this out with you. I want things. I desire things to be good between us, but right now I have to focus on this wedding. I have to focus on my fiance and making this a very very big memory for us, and I don't have the space for you to be part of it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, and uh, kenna that that's what I would tell you. This is your story is not that rare.

A lot of people are going through stuff like this with weddings and happens again when when you have babies, happens again, because then he's gonna he's gonna ask the same thing when he's when you have a child and he's wanting to see this baby and he feels like he has rights to see this baby. Dad, I don't have space. I'm sorry. And he knows he's human, he knows he has to earn that. You have to earn that kind of stuff, and he hasn't. I thank you

for asking the question. Popping around here in the inbox. If you want to email me for this podcast. Email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Next question says, subject line college sports guidance. Hey Granger I'm wanna try my best to keep this short. My name is Tabitha. I'm from Whiskeysen. I compete in Division one track and field, and I'm lucky enough to be on a partial scholarship. I dedicate twenty ish hours a week to track. Our

biggest meets are indoor and outdoor conference meets. They determine scholarship amounts and the next semester for the next semester, and they let us know how hard we worked all year. This year, the outdoor conference meet is on May seventh, same day as my boyfriend's brother's wedding. I love Mason his fiance. I love Mason and his fiance, and I want them to be able to help. I want to be able to help celebrate their wedding. They mean a lot to me and my boyfriend, and I feel so torn.

I don't want to miss showcasing all of this work I'm putting into track and miss a chance for financial aid. I also don't want to look back in twenty years and say, wow, I wish I would have gone to their wedding. What would you do? I appreciate it so much and thank you for your advice. Tabitha. Another wedding, back to back wedding questions, but very very different. Okay, Tabitha, I'm gonna walk through this from my perspective and what

I would tell you, And this is not fact. In fact, you could take this away with everything I say today. This is not this is this kind of question is my opinion. And that's because I'm not going to uh, I'm not going to something that is that is based in total truth, like the Bible. I'm gonna tell you what I would do. I've been in this, in this kind of situation in the music business. I've had to

take tour dates that I had to take. I had to sometimes I have to take a date because I'm paying a lot of people's bills, I'm paying a lot of families, and I can't. I can't pass on dates on Saturday nights for a wedding because if I did, that would open the floodgates to if you're if you're going to say yes to, for instance, your boyfriend's brothers

Mason Mason's wedding, then what what? At what level do you stop saying yes or stop feeling obligated to go to these Is the wedding important, Yes, it's very important. It's a big deal. Is this track meat important. Yes, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And I would I would do it this way. And I think that I think you could do this in a way where you have you have a lot of grace, and I think you write a letter, a handwritten letter to Mason and his fiance and say I love you too.

I'm so happy for your wedding and for your future, and you matter to me. I can't I can't find a way to attend your wedding and also be able to move forward with my financial aid and my college life. And it crushes me, just be honest, It crushes me that I even have to make this kind of decision. But I need to go to this track meet. And I'm so sorry. And I hope that you can forgive me,

and I hope that there's no hard feelings. But I wanted to write this letter just to tell you my heart and to tell you that I'm gonna I'm gonna be there with you in my heart, and I want to be facetiming with the family and keep up with it as much as I can, and I'm gonna try. I'm gonna go to the rehearsal dinner and I'm gonna go to the after party you're gonna have or whatever that might be. But Tita, I think you need to

be honest with them. I don't think in my opinion, this is my opinion, I don't think you're gonna look back in twenty years and go I should have gone to that wedding. I should have been there. I should have been there. You might be shocked to hear me say that, and there might be some people listening to go, man, I totally disagree families everything. But first of all, it's your boyfriend. It's not just your boyfriend. I'm not gonna say that, but it's not directly family yet. You might

marry your boyfriend, good chance. Maybe it sounds like you love them, but not yet. You're not there yet, And I think that that separation is enough that this is not your brother in law yet, and you still have this this element left with you where you still have you still have a space in your life where you have independence and you have priorities for yourself right now. You have to because when you get married, you're gonna lose that in a good way. You're gonna you're gonna

you're gonna donate it back into the immediate family. But you have a sense of independence right now and a sense of taking care of what you know you need to do for yourself and for your career. Right now that is going to trump your boyfriend's family first. And when you get married, that'll change and that that priority will flip. But but right now you still have this availability. I would write the letter. I would open up your heart. If they freak out you, you could reconsider. I don't

think they would. I think a letter like that would would would be taken. Just like I read in the question before, this wedding is not about you, and it's not about your boyfriend. This is about Mason and his fiance. And I'm pretty sure they would understand where you're coming from, if you come from a heartfelt way of writing this letter. So shout out to Wisconsin and Tabitha. I wish you the best in this. That's a sticky situation. Let's hit

another one here. This one interesting subject line says struggling has become a habit. Hey Granger, my name is Samantha. I'm thirty one years old from Wisconsin again. Shout out to Wisconsin two in a row who finally left a broken long term relationship several months ago. I've been dating and have repeatedly found myself in situation ship's situationship is what she said, which ultimately go nowhere and leave me hurt and heartbroken. It seems these men fall so fast

and express their feelings towards me. However, it seems like a few weeks later they begin to start to act off and pull away. When I try to express my feelings, they end up telling me I deserve better. I am lost because I don't know why this continues to happen. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if they're just not interested. I'm very sensitive, kind and loving person. Sometimes I feel like I'm too caring and feel like

it's a flaw. I want to find a person who cherishes me in a relationship that leads to marriage, but I don't know how to continue to have faith when this continues to happen. Thank you okay, Samantha thirty one shout out to Wisconsin. First of all, I'll dive into this by saying, first of all, the excuse of someone telling you you deserve better, you should take that advice.

When someone tells you I don't know if I could be in this relationship because you deserve better, take them for face value on that right, because they either really mean it or there or there's an element of they feel like they can't do enough for you, or just ultimately they're not into you. Either way, you're out. You hear that, you hear someone say you deserve better. Okay, thanks, thanks, thanks for the good advice for saving me from using up any more time right now with you, Okay, I

don't think there's a way of salvaging that once. Once that comes out of somebody's mouth, you take them for face value and you say, okay, great, thank thanks for the advice. I'll go find somebody better. That being said, you could never listen, you could never be too kind or too loving or too caring. It's not a flaw. That is not a flaw, So get that out of your head. There's no way that that is a human flaw to be too nice, too loving, took caring right, so that The flaw is not that. The flaw is

that you think that is a flaw. So so reject that thought in your head. Reject that flaw that you you start thinking about. You could never be too kind or loving or caring. That is an incredible trait. That's an incredible fruit of the spirit that you're carrying with you.

And you will make such a good wife with those qualities, and you'll pour into somebody and you'll find the right person and you'll you'll use those traits and they will they will accept them for what they are, invaluable gold to them in their lives to be able to say, my wife is sensitive, loving and caring. And then eventually, when you're a mother, God willing, you're a mother that's sensitive, loving and caring. That's incredible. I mean, what do you

what what's the alternative? What do you want to be shrewd and snarky and tough? What kind of mother is that? What kind of what kind of wife would that be?

So there is no alternative. You You are in a in a position where you're in a time of waiting, really and and so there's nothing you need to alter, there's nothing new you need to say there's nothing new you need to change in your relationships or something that you some trick that you need to know about, or something you need to hold back and not say you're doing everything right. You're just in a season of waiting. You just haven't found the right one yet. And you

will it, just you just will. Time will go by, and every time you come out of one of these relationships like you're talking about, where you feel hurt and heartbroken, every single time it matters to you because it's it's adding to your tool shed. It's it's a new piece of equipment that you need to move forward to continue trudging on this thing we call life. So once you get a new too and the tool shed, i'll h

a broken relationship, you go, I'm better now. I'm a little bit better than I was before this relationship because now I know this. Now I'm a little bit closer to this. And even after this podcast, hopefully you listen and you go, Okay, that's a new tool for my toolshed. I'll no longer call being caring and loving a flaw. That's an asset. That's something you're gonna be able to pour into somebody, and that's an incredible thing for you.

So don't look at these relationships as wasted or another mistake. Look at instead of mistakes and wasted time, look at them as one step closer to the right one. That's you. So I would say to that, congratulations, You're one step closer to the right one. I'm gonna take a break, be right back. Podcast is brought to you guys today

by ship Station. Do you have an online business? Well, if you do, you know that things aren't getting any less crazy anytime soon, and online shopping isn't slowing down anytime soon. It's only getting bigger and bigger. Is your business ready to keep up the pace? Well, with ship station, you never have to worry about shipping again. Make the switch to a solution that handles all of your shipping needs quickly, affordably, and painlessly. Shipstation is already trusted by

over one hundred thousand e commerce sellers. Keep track of orders and any sales channel. You could easily find the best shipping carrier with deeply discounted rates. Automate just about any shipping task with just a few clicks. We have switched over to shipstation with ee Apparel and it has

saved us. It allows us to be more creative on the things that we know how to do and stay in less in the weeds of things that we don't like shipping, you could save time by funneling all your orders to one simple interface no matter what you're selling, manage every order Amazon, eBay, ets, or your own website from anywhere, even your own cell phone. It is so nice to not have those kind of headaches and worry

about that. You also save money when you compare other carrier options and choose the best shipping solution every single time. Ship Station works with every carrier, so you always find the best fit for you and it saves your sanity, like I said, knowing that your orders are handled and you are getting the best rates. So here's your call to action, ship more and less time with ship station. Use my offer code granger and get a sixty day free trial that's two months free of no hassle, stress

free shipping. Just go to shipstation dot com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and then type in Granger. Ship Station Make ship Happen podcasts also brought to you guys by coinbase. Do you identify as crypto curious, Well, maybe maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But if you thought about entering the world of cryptocurrency, but you feel a little bit overwhelmed like me, well, Coinbase makes learning things easy and you could learn to buy and sell super simple. They do it in a

very understandable way. Cryptocurrency might feel like it's some big secret or exclusive club, but coinbase believes that everyone everywhere should be able to get in the door, including guys like me that are not that tech savvy. So whether you've been trading for years or you're just getting started, Coinbase can help much. Coin such Base Well, if you've been following the cryptocurrency craze, now is the time to

get involved. You know this. Coinbase makes it quick and easy to start your own portfolio and learn to trade like a pro. And if you've been looking to level up your financial portfolio, well, it's always a good time to diversify, so why not think about cryptocurrency. Backed by the world's leading investors, Coinbase keeps your portfolio safe and secure while adding crypto into your mix. Coinbase offers a trusted and easy to use platform to buy, sell, and

spin cryptocurrency. They support the most popular digital currencies on the market and make them easily accessible to everyone. They offer portfolio management and protection, learning resources, and a mobile app so you could trade right there on your cell phone, all in one place. Millions of people in over one hundred countries trust Coinbase with their digital assets, whether you're looking to diversify, whether you're just getting started or searching

for a better way to access crypto markets. We'll start today with Coinbase. For a limited time, new users get ten bucks in free bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase dot com slash granger. Sign up at coinbase dot com slash granger for ten dollars in free bitcoin. This is an offer that's only available for a limited time, so be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase dot com slash Granger. Okay, welcome back digging into these questions. If you have a question for me for this podcast,

email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about any subject. My only request. You could make it about anything. My only request is just try not to make it too long. Like the length of your phone screen is perfect for me to read. Anything over that gets to be kind of jumbly. I'm not that good of a reader, So that's my only request, but it could be about any subject. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I would love to hear from you, and we're diving back into

more questions. This subject line says ready for kids question mark. Hi Granger. My name is Emma and I'm from a little Tailgatetown in central California. My husband and I, twenty six and twenty seven, are coming up on one year of marriage and we're having the baby talk. We feel like we're ready for kids, but financially it's intimidating. We have ten nieces and nephews between us, so we have

an understanding on just how expensive kids can be. And though we both work full time, we find ourselves waiting on what ifs. Should we just buy the bullet or will we know when we're truly ready? Thank you for any insight. We enjoy you taking the time during the podcast. Thank you, Emma. Shout out out to central California Tailgate Town and thanks for your question. I think it's a good one. My answer will be simple. For you, don't

wait any longer. You're never going to be in a right, the perfect right spot to have a baby if you wait. If that's your criteria, is we want to be financially ready, you never will be because because you're gonna save up enough money for this and that and this and this and then college education, and then that could just go on forever, and then you're not twenty six anymore, you're

thirty six, and then you're forty six. So my advice is, if you guys have a great marriage and you're you think that that you are suited to be parents, then think no more. Go for it. Try it. God. God will have the answer for you. He's ultimately gonna bless you with a child or not. But but I don't

I don't think waiting. I don't agree with waiting till you're you think your finances are perfect, because hey, Father, for me, I would say, I would personally say that kids are as expensive as you want them to be, meaning if you want to if you want to just get by, they're not going to be that expensive, you know, barring some kind of crazy medical expense that you're going

to have. Where they get expensive is when you start putting them in big private schools and and and club league baseball and cheerleading tournaments and traveling squads and uh and high end clothing and and super all natural organic formulas. You know, that's when you start getting things added up. But if you just want to come in at ground level, which I think is perfectly fine, to raise a kid on a minimal budget, it's very doable. I mean, people

have done it since the beginning of humanity. People have raised kids and shacks and caves and used rocks as toys. I know you want the best, and I know that's not what you want for your child, but I'm just saying this is a new thing. It's a new concept for humans to consider do we have enough money in the bank to have a baby? And I love the responsibility in that, and I think that's very it's very good of you to consider that. But I don't think

it's the final answer. Like I don't think that that that's where the x's and o's line up and you go, do we have this much money? No, I think that's a new thing for humans. Like people useduld just get married to make babies. That's what they did, and then the babies became part of their workforce on the farm. Like the more babies you had, the more kids that could work on your farm. Like that's how they did it.

And now we think the opposite were like, man, I don't want this burden of a financial you know, havoc on my bank account because once I have this baby, I'm gonna have to put them in all this stuff that's really exped that's a new thought. So you could reject that thought. And once again, I know that I know you want the best for your baby. That's you're not you don't have a malicious thought to this, Like you're not a selfish person. That's not why you emailed me.

But I'm just throwing it out there that I think now is the time. I don't think there is a right time to wait. And I think you could do it on a budget, and I think you could take time off work to raise this first baby and you guys are going to be just fine. Maybe you got to move out of California. It's really expensive there, but but I just I think the time is now. If

you're asking me, I think the time is now. And then once you start trying it, then you give it all to God and he blesses you, or you wait. But that's my answer. It's pretty simple. Thanks for the question. Next question, subject line says relationship ends, but is it hellograngeer big fan? Your podcast is such a solid way to connect. I'm a huge fan. I recently ended a relationship, but now see that it wasn't the right choice. The only problem was I did this last summer, but she

has allowed me to come back. Then I'm not sure she could trust me. And I'm wondering if you had any insight on these feelings of heartache when I am the one who caused it. Dylan, Oh, Dylan, you are in a You're in a predicament that is very common. Not to minimalize this situation for you, but it's common, and you're feeling the draw of the rebound. You left the relationship once for a reason, and then you rebounded and you went back to her, and then you left twice.

A second time you left her and now you're rebounding again. That says something about this relationship. And I'm not saying that you have a problem or that she has a problem, but I'm saying you two together is a problem. And you have to take your mind back to the breakup. You have to transport yourself and this is difficult to do, but you have to. You have to use your brain, not your heart. Forget your heart. It's flawed. No one can trust it. Right, You can't trust your heart, that's

what the Bible says. But you need to use your brain and go back to the day that you left the second time, and the freedom that you felt leaving and the the the the burden that was lifted off of you because you got out of the relationship. What was she doing, what were you doing? Where? Where was the toxic environment? Where was that starting? Where was it? Go back to that and don't don't go back to the good times concentrating on how good it was and how how awesome she is, and how you don't have

anybody right now that's as good as her. That's a lie because this crashed twice. I know there's people listening that think, well, I did it, and I made it a third time, and then we got married. Now we're still married. It's been seventeen years. Okay, that's rare. That's rare. There's everyone has a story and someone has done everything at some point, someone has been in every situation and

flipped the tables on everything. But odds are telling you right now this isn't gonna work, and that you are rebounding to her, and it comes down to, really, you haven't met anybody else yet. So there's this idea that you've heard me say it on this podcast before. There there's this idea of just being content with where you are in your life as a single man right now.

Don't torture yourself anymore about what might have been or how there's you're thinking of the good times, but you're forgetting that you left and there's a reason you left it. And what did you say here? You said you said, recently into the root, I'd see that it wasn't the right choice, That's what you said. I recently ended a relationship. But now see that it wasn't the right choice. That

you're lying to yourself. Man, that you're lying to yourself to think that that wasn't the right choice when you did it twice. Look at anything else in life. You don't don't go You don't leave a job and quit and then think well, I should go back and go back and work at the job again, and then quit again and then decide to go back a third time. You don't. You wouldn't do that with a job, so why would you do it with the relationship? It didn't

work there's something bad about it. Trust your brain, not your heart. Forget your heart. It's wicked. Trust your brain. Put yourself back in that situation, Dylan. Leave her alone. It's over. There's somebody new in the pipeline. Be content with where you are now in your life. It is easier to say what I'm telling you then to do what I need you to do. Dylan, Right, it's easier to say than do. But I'm telling you use your brain, not your heart. It's over. Let's move on. Okay, thank

you for the question, brother, Let's hit another one. These are fun. This is fun, not for the It's fun for me, not for the people that are in it. Right. Okay, how about this? This is very very short. No subject says Hey, Grangeer. My name is Anthony. I'm fourteen years old. I get bullied a lot every day. I don't know what to do. Anthony, my bro, I got your back. First of all, Granger Smith has got your back. So

does Earld Dibbles Junior. Remember that. Secondly, if you were sitting around this campfire, I'd say, Anthony, where are your parents? Do they know this? Have you told them? Go to them? If you haven't, pour into them. And if this is serious enough for you to email me on this podcast, I would I would go to are you first of all, say are you getting hurt physically? Because I'd go to the police. Are you getting hurt emotionally? Verbally? I would

go to the principle of your school. And first and foremost, I would go to your parents and and and hey, this is something I just got to say for parents, listening to this kind of thing for a fourteen year old is worth considering moving. This is something that if my if my kids came to me and said this, and it was a problem that I couldn't fix with the authorities or myself or with a school attendant, I would consider moving. Yes, that's that's that is that's that's

a big deal. But so is being bullied. Being bullies a big deal. So we need to stop this. We need to We need to stop the leaky faucet immediately, put the drain back in. And I want to tell you, buddy that I don't want you said this in such a short email. I don't know much about it, but I don't want you to. I don't want you to be shy about telling people this problem. Be vocal, about it. I'm talking police, I'm talking principal, I'm talking teacher, talking counselor,

talking student advisor. I'm talking mom and dad, I'm talking next door neighbor. People need to know this. Don't keep it to yourself. Anthony. Okay, all right, email me back. Let me know how this is going. Brother, Okay, bounce around here. So many, so many great great questions here. Okay, subject line here, next one, subject line suicide granger. My name is Alan and I'm from Topeka, Kansas. I'm twenty

eight years old. I know this is a deep topic, and I apologize that this is how you start your day, but I'm so lost. I'm not sure where to turn or what to do. After ten years of marriage, my spouse decided she wanted a divorce. We got married at eighteen, which admittedly was probably too young, but I love her so much and she has no desire to be with me anymore. I can't imagine a life without her. I'm struggling with dark thoughts. How do I get through this

season of life? I feel like I'm doomed. Alan, first and foremost, First and foremost, you listen. You need to seek professional help immediately. Maybe you already have, but the fact that you're emailing me on this podcast, I'm one, I'm questioning if you've done this yet. You need to seek professional counseling, and you could do this through insurance with your doctor. If that's not an option, then you go to a church and you seek immediate counsel regardless

of professional therapy. You also, I would highly recommend you go to a church two and you talk to the pastor there, or you talk to an elder, and you immediately join a small group with a group of men around you that could listen to you and give you wise counsel and lift you up. Okay, like tonight, when you hear this podcast, as soon as you hear it,

these are the steps immediately. I need you to seek professional guidance, therapy, counseling, and I need you to go to a local church and I need you to seek guidance there through pastoral counseling, some kind of elder, and immediately join a small group of men. I've repeated myself twice now because I want you to hear it. I want you to hear it and then go rewind it and listen to it again. But these are your steps.

Nothing I could tell you on this podcast will matter because this, ultimately, this is just a podcast, and podcast ultimately are entertainment, and you don't need entertainment right now. I want to acknowledge the depth of what you're going through is valid. Okay, what you're talking about is is a valid problem that could that could drive anyone totally crazy and insane. And when when you get to a

totally crazy insane level, bad things can happen. So we need to take control of this and get a grip on it immediately through professional help. From there, medication my be on the table probably will. I have nothing against that. I'm telling you to seek pastoral counseling in a church. I'm also telling you that I would have no problem in your situation seeking some kind of medical treatment through medicine,

right pop a pill for a little bit. There is when you get to a level like this, from this kind of trauma PTSD, your brain is not balanced anymore. You have a chemical imbalance and you need something to counteract that chemical imbalance. That would be medication. I'm not a doctor and I'm not advising that. What I'm telling you is if you go to a therapist, and that's what they recommend. I would listen to them. That's what I'm saying. I would be open to listening to all

these kind of options. But I hope that i'm speaking clearly and I'm speaking poignantly to you, Alan, that I feel like this is important, and I feel like this email as i'm reading it is came in yesterday, so this is brand new, and I would I want you to email me back just to confirm that. Hey, Granger, it's Alan. I did what you said. I've got it my first meeting tomorrow, okay, and then when you do that, when you email me again, we'll touch base a second time. Okay.

But until then, that's all I'm gonna say. All Right, brother, thanks for your question. All right, let me recover from that guy's These emails get deep, don't they? Deep? Subdecline in this next one, hopefully it's lighter subdecline, says Balancing school and Work. Hey, mister Smith, my name is Grayden. I'm fourteen, live in Fairbanks, Alaska. You know, there's a lot of snow up here, and I snowmobile a lot. I'm working on getting a new snow machine and I

also have a lot of school. How could I balance school and working? How did you make money when you were my age? Thank you for great music and encouraging podcast and being a light for Jesus Grayton. Thanks, thanks buddy, thanks for emailing. You know I'm gonna be I'm going to be in Fairbanks by the time you guys hear this podcast on Monday. I will have just left Fairbanks yesterday.

I'll be going there here for me as I'm doing this real time in a couple of days, so i'll be there, man, I'll see the snow that you're talking about. I'm excited for you. It's it's fun to have dreams. It's fun to have a snow machine goal for yourself and you want to make money. I love that is the is the poem IF by Rudyrid Kipling says, have dreams,

but don't make dreams your master. Right. So so this dream of a snow machine is awesome, and it's a great dream, and I love goals like this, but don't make it your master, like don't don't make it rule your life so that you have to change everything to meet the dream of this toy. Really, really, it's a toy, so to answer your question. I was when I was fourteen, I was working for a paint contractor. His name was

Bob Williams, and he painted painted homes. And so I went out started out when I was your age, started working for him, and I was like the tape guy. I would just I would tape everything and get the house prepped and put out the plastic and tape up the plastic and cover the furniture and cover the back patio. You take the ladders out of the truck, you know, stuff like that. So uh, And then I worked for

him for all through high school. So I would work my way up, and you know, it took years before he actually trusted me with a paintbrush or a roller. But but I started as just the guy that just grabbed ladders out of the truck. And I loved it and paid got paid by the hour. And I remember every morning about ten am, we would go to Taco Cabana, which is here in Texas, and we would we would get tortillas and salsa and roll them up into tight little rolls and then dip it in salsa, sit under

an oak tree in summertime. It was the best. So I enjoyed it. And that's what it did for money. And what I want to talk about is you said, how could I balance school and working? Well, the trick to that, to your question is you're What you're really saying is how could I balance school and buying a snowmobile? Which there is a problem because school is going to

take priority over this. So if you just didn't tell me about the snowmobile and all you said was how could I balance school and paying bills, well that's a different conversation, but that's not the question you're asking. Your question is how could I balance school and having a hobby? And I would say, right now, at fourteen, my best advice to you is school wins. There is no balance

when you got the scale. School tips the scale. So nothing you could do right now needs to interfere with that scale and make it lopsided or you try to even it out. School needs to win. You're gonna hear this later, and you're gonna understand in ten years, when you're twenty four, you're gonna look back and go ooh,

Glad I studied, Glad I got grades? Right, Glad I got good grades because it matters to making money later for you, Because that's gonna deeply affect you actually having real things to pay for, like mortgages and car payments and bills and keeping the lights on. It's gonna matter a lot more to how you did in school right now. So if you look back and you go, man, I just wasted my school life because all I was worried about is snowmobiles and making money for them, and then

my grades failed because of it. And now I still can't afford a snowmobil and I'm twenty four. Right. That's the chain reaction that's gonna happen. So to your question, there is no balance. If you're asking school and hobby, go get a job, find your time. Find the time that you do have at home if you're not in if you're not in a sport or anything like that, then fill your time when you get home, as long as it doesn't interfere with studying and your homework and

your test that you have coming up. Don't. Don't compromise that. But a good way to look at this goal of a snowmobil is two ways. One make it a three year goal so that you're slowly making money over three or four years. Or make your the goal of your hobby cheaper, get something less expensive like snowmobills are really expensive, so maybe maybe get an old, used one or think

of something else that's cheaper. I know you love snowmobil and I know you want this machine, so I don't want to take that from you, and I don't want to diminish your goal. But you hear what I'm saying. I'm just saying, stop worrying about this balance because you're going to know in ten years that this is the right advice. Get those grades. Get those grades first. Don't compromise with trying to get a job and work too many hours. Nothing wrong with getting a job, and I

hope you do, but make sure it makes sense. That's all we got. Thank you guys for listening. Keep on email. I'd love your email, so keep them, keep them coming, and we'll see you next time. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never

miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer. Email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. EG