#123 How could I forgive you?

into your questions. You could ask me anything you want, could be about any subject, and we get super deep. If you came from listening on after Midnight my radio show, welcome, If you came from the Smiths or Instagram or TikTok, all these places. However you found this podcast, I'm grateful for you. And if you have a question for me about any subject, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll add it to the queue here and get into it.

And I'm finally kind of coming up for air a little bit because I've been really really bogged down this

last month filming this movie. We're filming this movie in Blanco, Texas for four weeks, and I just I don't think I realized how much time that was gonna take me to put everything into this role and to be working ten to twelve hour days every day for a month and then and still trying to juggle with the radio show after midnight, this podcast, The Smiths, random tour dates here and there, and everything else that entails being a father and a husband. And so I'm I'm really coming

back to life right now. And so this is the first podcast I've done since we've finished the movie in twenty twenty two where I actually have space again. And so even though we just wrapped it and we just finished the show last night in Saint Louis, Missouri, I'm I'm back and ready to focus. So please email me something. We're going to talk about your questions. As though we're sitting around a campfire, it's late at night. You walk up and you say, man, I can I run something

by you? I got a question, something that's been bothering me or something I've been wondering for a long time, And I don't have any notes on this table, and we just walked through it in a conversation. I'm not always right, but I'm gonna give you my opinion. It's happening real time in my head, that's where we are. I did pick an easy one to start with, and it's because it's the subject line how to play how

to start playing guitar? So I thought, okay, perfect, well, ease in into it this way, it says, Hey Granger, my name is Dalton. I'm from a small town just south of Louisville, Kentucky. My question is what should I do as the first steps to playing the guitar. The guitar was a graduation present from my former teacher and friend. Any advice would be great to me on how to start playing and learning a song to play. Thank you,

Thank you for your time and answering my question. Dalton shout out to Kentucky and Louisville, just south of Louisville. Thank you for emailing buddy. And it's a good question. I started when I was fourteen and I had a guitar that was in the closet and it was my grandmother's guitar that she no longer played. I think she gave up on it. And you know what happened to me originally was I had I was kind of interested in this little girl in junior high and you know,

puppy love. And I was fourteen years old and she, you know, we were like eighth grade. And I remember overhearing her talk in the hallway in school and she was talking about my friend Peter, and she said, she said, oh, Peter, he's so dreamy. He plays guitar and he sings and it's so dreamy. And I remember just thinking to myself, she didn't know that I heard her say that, and I remember thinking, I've got up my game. I've got it up my game. I've got to figure this out.

So her name is Annie. I'll never forget Annie. Annie. Thank you for doing this to me. You changed my life. Now. The irony is I started playing guitar to impress her, just to just to know that I could. But what happened was I really fell in love with playing guitar, and then girls became secondary after that, which it's very ironic how that happens. You learn something for the girl and then you end up loving the thing that you were wanting to impress them with, and then it consumed

the rest of my life. But how I did it, Dalton, was I pulled that guitar out of the closet and I there was a book inside there inside the case, and it was like a basic how to play guitar book, and it had fretboards lined out, and it had little dots where you put your fingers, and so I'd just look at the page and I would line my fingers up on the fretboard to where the the corresponding dots were on the page, and it would say, okay, this is a D chord, and I put my fingers there,

and I would I would strum, you know, strum one time, and then then I would just start listening to the radio and I would listen to songs that I liked. Back then, it was a lot of Alan Jackson and George Strait and Merle Haggard, and I would find those songs and those songs those artists that I mentioned. I have a lot of very simple songs like Alan Jackson. The first song I ever learned was called Dallas by Alan Jackson, and it's only three chords in the entire song.

So I play those three chords and it was like a D and E. Those three chords could get you through the whole song of Dallas. And so I would learn to strum just according to the way the song went, and you know, of course it's rough at first and my fingers ached. But then I just did it more and more and I was determined to do it, and I was passionate about doing it. And that's that's such a life lesson for anything you're gonna you're gonna learn

something if you first are passionate about it. You want to so bad that you want to overcome the time it takes and the mistakes that you're making, and the pain that was putting on my fingertips at the time, little raw fingers were just bloody and raw and blistered. And I just kept on it. And I remember the very first time I came to my parents and played a song for the first time, and they just couldn't

believe it, because they're not musical at all. They couldn't believe that I was playing a song on the guitar. And after that just learned more and more and more and kept learning, adding new songs, and then getting with other friends that played and they would say, oh, you know, you could. You could change that finger right there and put it on that string and it makes that sound.

And I was like, oh, wow, that's that's cool, And just more and more of that, and then it was a few years later, maybe it was one year later when I started singing along with what I was playing, and that was rough, too, but I just got really interested in singing the songs along with what I was playing. So I've kind of been doing both since the very beginning. And then the next step for me was writing my

own songs, and that was the progression. And then I started playing live and then playing those songs live, and I just really became addicted to it. Nowadays, Dalton, you could learn on YouTube. They have so many good programs. I would not invest in a guitar teacher right now. I would stick with free YouTube videos or a book that you have laying around, and not worry about putting a lot of money into a personal lesson. The guitar

is a big deal. The guitar itself. If you have a cheap guitar like I did, or has a really high action on it, that meaning the strings are pretty pretty far distance from the actual fretboard, so it takes a lot of effort to push them down. You could switch to nylon strings, You could take them to a guitar shop, or you can go buy them yourself. And put on nylon strings instead of the steel strings, and it's going to sound way different. It's going to sound

like a Mexican gut string classical guitar. But that's okay because it's going to be a lot easier on your fingers and it's a lot easier to get around. That's what I did, and I still kind of recommend that for people. Instead of in sead of going out and buying one thousand dollars guitar, you could get a pawn shop guitar and make it easier to play that way. But as in anything in life, stick with it. Stick

with it. Thanks for the question, brother, Let's go up to This is the first one on my list here in no particular order. It just popped up first, and the subject line says, I'm manipulative. Please help, Hey Granger, I am Nathan Seeley. I'm twenty seven years old from Madison or Meadville, Pennsylvania. I emailed you the other day explaining some serious marriage issues I was going through and I don't know what to do. Recently, I've come to

realize that I'm a really bad manipulator. I've never realized it until now. I'm working on getting myself help, but I think it might be too late for me and my wife. She has had enough and she's trying to go through a divorce. We have two kids, We've been together for ten years, married for four. I don't want to lose her, and it's so hard because this last year and a half she's been dealing with postpartum depression slash depression and has been in and out of the hospital.

Now she's finally getting back to her feet and she realizes how manip manipulative I am, and she's not willing to stick around and help me through becoming a better man for us and for her and our family. What should I do to help her realize I'm trying my hardest to get better without being like this before she leaves or finds someone else. I'm currently not living with her and she's already out the door. I never thought I would lose her. This pain is unbearable. Thanks for

the advice. Your podcast has been extremely inspirational for me and has helped me get to the point where I am now. My kids are always asking me to play

some Yige music. Thanks again, Nathan Brother, Thanks for the question, Thanks for thanks for the courage to email and put your name in the in the email, and and and be willing to be vulnerable enough for it to be out there in the world, you know, for for other people to hear, because I do know that you know there is there's definitely a component of you wanting to get advice on this podcast. But then there's another level where I'm pretty sure you know that your question is

going to help others that hear it too. And that's a big deal to be vulnerable enough to say I'm gonna I'm gonna sacrifice my own pride and something that's so sensitive to me and put it out there for the case of others that might be might not quite be ready to be as vulnerable publicly and but could be listening to this podcast and want to hear. So thank you for that. Man. The great the great thing about this email, the great thing about the steps that

you're taking is realizing that you have a problem. And that's step number one. You know, you're you're you've pinpointed a pressure point for you of this manipulation that you're that you're using and becoming and it's destroying things around you. And I would hinge on that I would pivot all over that that that point that you're making and tell

your wife that I just say, yeah, you know. It's funny when I when I read these questions sometimes sometimes I think to myself, what you emailed me needs to be said to her, what you are vulnerable and enough to disclose to me needs to be said in that way to her in a controlled, quiet environment. I'm talking, I'm talking you. You get her alone away from the kids where you could actually have some one on one. Maybe it could be just sitting in the car in the driveway. It's like kind of I need to I

need to talk to you. I have. I have realized over the years that I am being I'm manipulating you, and it is destroying us, and it's destroying this relationship. It's it's disrupting our love. And you have made me realize through your leaving that I have to change because I don't want to live without you. I love you. I want to make this work. I can't bear the thought of you leaving and it all cost. I want to get better. I want to heal, and I want you to know that I'm in the process of healing

and I'm still gonna mess up. I'm still a broken man like we all are, me too, brother, But I want to get on a path that's good and healthy and that's good for you, that lifts you up. I want to be the husband that you need and the father that these kids deserve. And I want our kids to have two parents that are married and happily in love. I want that more than I want to manipulate. I want that more than I want my job. I want that more than I want my ambitions. For whatever the

passions I have in life, I want this more. And look her in the eye, don't break eye contact, and tell her this. I want you look at your wife and tell her that I want you. It all cost. Help me, please, help me to learn trust me. And you might not believe me right off the bat. You might not hear hear me saying this. You might think it's just empty promises. But I want you to know that. I want you to see by my actions from this

day forward that I'm gonna get better. And if I slip, I want you to call me out and go there. It is right there, there's the manipulation right there. And then at that point, right then, Nathan, you pull back and you go, yes, I'm so sorry. You're right. You swallow the pride. Pride is a big deal in this Pride is a big deal with so many things in life. We are prideful beings, and so step aside from that pride. And if she calls you out and goes there it is.

And even if you think I don't think it is, or even if you think I think you're wrong, you swallow that pride and go, I'm sorry. That's not being a pushover, that's not being weak. That's called saving a marriage. And there's no disgrace in that. As a man, there's no disgrace to lose an argument to your wife. We'll

put it that way. There is nothing to gain by winning an argument, or to being prideful and powering over a situation just so you could be right, or so you could look good in your own eyes, so you could look like a man, so you could look like you're strong and unwavering in your position. There's nothing to gain from that. And you could see and the reason you're emailing me is because you have now reached this

rock bottom position. And sometimes it's harder to see how bad it is when you're in the marriage and things are good and she's still living there and you guys are going through these bickering arguments, but you don't see it as clearly until she goes I'm out, I'm packing up and I'm leaving, and I'm gonna find somebody new that could take care of these kids. It's unfortunate as humans that sometimes we need to hit that rock bottom for us to finally see the light. But that's that's

what's happening. And so I would just be as honest with her as you can, and I would swallow that pride, and I would identify the problem that you see in your eyes and don't point it back at her. Reason this the urge to look at her and go, I'm gonna fix this manipulation, but you need to fix this and this and this. Don't say it, swallow it because guess what. Guess what. She already knows her problems. She knows it, just like you know that manipulation is your problem.

She knows she's not perfect, she knows she has issues, and you don't need to tell her that. And if you're lucky, she might bring it up herself and go, now that you say it, I want to admit some things that I'm doing that I don't like about myself too. Now you're on a path to build something again. The brick wall has fallen and now you're building it back together. You got the pieces on the ground and you're able to start picking them up one by one and put

it back together. That's what you're doing. It's not gonna be easy. It's not gonna be easy to swallow the pride. It might not even be easy to get her alone in this kind of conversation. But keep pursuing her. Don't give up on this. It's that important. Give up on her. Because you give up on her, you're also giving up on your kids. And they're going to see that. And your kids are gonna see, Daddy fought for this, Daddy fought for mom. Daddy loved us and Mom so much

that he fought for us. They're going to see that. You don't even have to tell them. And as they get older, they're going to look back and remember that. Go man, remember that time mom and dad went through that rocky space and then Dad Dad just pursued her and apologized and got better. And it wasn't perfect, it never will be, but they got better. I wish you the best, brother. Thanks for emailing Nathan. Next question comes from Hunter says, Hey grad your My name is Hunter.

I'm twenty years old. I'm in college in Alabama. Recently opened up to a girl about my feelings for her. I've been friends with her ever since we started going to college, and the conversation of me telling her about my feelings, she never said if she feels the same or not sure where to go from here. Part of me feels like I should take a step back and be patient. The other part of me wants to just continue to be on this to be the same as it was before I even brought this up at all.

What are your thoughts? I appreciate your time in the podcast. Thanks Hunter, shout out to Alabama. Thanks for the question. Thanks for opening up like this. This is tough. You know, I've said on this podcast before. You probably heard me. If you got if you have feelings for for a girl like this, then you need to you need to

tell her because you can't. You can't just exist in this this fairy tale land where your friends and and she doesn't know how you feel, and it's hurting you inside that you want to tell her, but you don't really know how to take it, so you got to just do it. So I believe you did the right thing. But in me telling you to do that through this podcast,

that doesn't it doesn't guarantee her answer. It doesn't. It doesn't guarantee that she's gonna say, wow, you like me, Wow, thanks for saying that, because I actually like you too. That's just not a guarantee. But that's why you take a risk. That's why we risk anything in life. That's why we jump. We don't always know if we're gonna land the jump, but we jump it for the sake of maybe landing it. Most of the time we fall. You took a risk, and I think this is a

fall for you, But you know what you'll do. You'll get back up, You'll build yourself up, you'll build your confidence, you'll heal the wound from the fall, and you'll be ready to jump again, and you'll keep jumping. And that's life. You keep taking the leap, and you take the leap knowing that if I fall, I'm okay because I know that fallen before, and I'll get up again and it might hurt, Yeah, probably will hurt, but that's what we do.

Now you're stuck. Now you're stuck saying maybe the jump was wrong, maybe the leap was wrong, but it wasn't you know it wasn't take yourself back in your mindset before you told her. Now you're back in this this la la land where she doesn't know how you feel, and and you're wondering if she feels the same way. That's no place to be, that's no place to live. We live for the jump, we live for the leap, Buddie.

I'm proud of you for doing that. And I can't guarantee she's gonna come around, but you're gonna heal and you're gonna you're gonna If she doesn't like you, I mean, you could bring it up again if you want. But but the fact that she's not already saying it says a lot. Her saying nothing says a lot. So if you don't already know it by now, I'm guessing through the situation that she's she doesn't reciprocate those feelings for you.

And yeah, it hurts. It hurts because you you you not only have put yourself out there, you've exposed yourself and and you've poured your heart out and you've just exposed yourself right there. And not only did you do that, but you also feel like you lost a friend because now it's weird between you two and it might never be the same. And I'm sorry, man, but that's that's a step. That's a step that you needed to take, and that that's a that's an injury that needed to happen.

And now you'll heal. And I'm here to tell you the great news, the great news about you and college in Alabama at age twenty. This is a guarantee, this is a podcast guarantee. You'll find somebody else and it'll be better. It'll be a better feeling. This feeling will even be stronger. Those butterflies that you have will be will be even greater with somebody else. And the reason they'll be greater is because you know what it was like to fall once and there will be more falls,

but you'll learn from that. I'm sorry to tell you. I wish I could say no, man, here's the trick. You know you should have said this, and then now she's gonna love you. Time is gonna heal. Time is your friend focused on school, focused on college twenty years old. You're only gonna get this chance one time, one time, to be twenty in college in Alabama. Bro, you're gonna look you're gonna be fifty years old looking back, and you will not look back at age fifty and go. Man,

you know what was really tough? Being twenty in college in Alabama. You're never gonna say that. You're gonna go. You know what you'll say. You'll say just to have one day, just to have one more day of being twenty in college again, that's what you'll say. You're not gonna look back and go. That was a tough year. Remember that girl I was friends with and I told her I liked her and she didn't say she liked me back. Wow, that was tough. You're not gonna say that.

Enjoy being twenty, brother. Let's grab another This might be simple subject line says calling something God defining blasphemy. Hey, Granger, I might be over analyzing this, but I'm trying to determine as simply using the name word God as a descriptor is blasphemous or not. When I hear God, I feel a sense of reverence in worship. Some people will say OMG or even things like movie titles like Lord of the Rings or calling a group the god of

something because they're really good at what they do. If you were called the country music god or god of country music, how would that make you feel? I know when something is blatantly blasphemous, But where is the line? I hope I'm making sense. I would love to hear your perspective. Best to you and your family. Mark from where Dallas Fort Worth? What's up? Mark? Yeah? I think this is pretty easy. I feel the same way. Man.

If anyone said, if anyone had a meet and greet came up and said, Granger, you are the god of country music, I would get. I mean I would get. I would feel very weird about that. Humans are not gods. We never were meant to be a god, and we can't even pretend like it. In fact, we're not meant to be worshiped at all at all. Look at any kind of history. Look at anybody in history that was ever worshiped. What did that do to them? Destroy them?

I'm talking, I'm talking anyone from ancient kings to Elvis. When they get worshiped to a certain level and it goes to their head and they actually buy into the worship. They actually start believing that they're worthy of the worship. That's the key. They get destroyed. It kills them, literally killed Elvis, and literally destroys the mental health of anyone that reaches a certain status of human worship and they're

actually believing that it's worthy of right. So so yeah, yeah, I don't think this is a like a big deal or anything. I don't think it's something we call people out. I don't think. I don't think you'd reply on a text and say, don't ever say oh MG to me again. You know, I don't, I don't. We don't. We don't have to go there, right like it's become it's become

just a part of conversation. But if it's if it's like a blatant you're the god of country music, I would stop them right there and say no, no, no, no, even the word idle like idle man, Granger, you're my idol. I don't. I don't like that. I said. I'm not your idol. Man. I'm just a man. I'm just a fallen, broken man just trying to trying to get by in

this world. My profession is playing music and speaking on a podcast and writing songs, and it's that's what I do for money, that's what I do for a living. That's my career and it is no different than if I was hanging power lines for the telephone company and that was my career and I was really good at it. What goes with that is no one goes up to a guy hanging power lines and go, oh my god, you're my idol. Right, No, we wouldn't say any We wouldn't say that sentence at all, oh my god, you're

my idol. But but that's what you would say to a celebrity. So we need we we should correct them. If anyone would say that, I would I would correct them. And she say, man, I'm just I'm just a man. I'm just a man. I make mistakes. I am I'm just a man that chose this career path and crafted it just like anyone else. I've worked a lot of hours to get to what I'm doing now. I wasn't

born with it. I wasn't just born with this. I've worked a lot of hours just like anyone else that is in a has longevity in a career, and I fail all the time. It is not I'm not worthy of your worship or your idolatry because I am I. I am a failure in so many ways. So so yeah, I don't I don't think it's a big deal, but it's worth it's worth a correction. Let's take a break and be right back. Podcast is brought to us today by Magic Mind. Let me tell you about this awesome

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of this podcast from the guys at magic Mind. All you have to do is go to www dot magicmind dot co slash granger and use the discount code at check out Granger to get a limited twenty percent off your first order at magic Mind. Okay, welcome back. Go into the next question subject line here is faith issues slash forgiveness issues. Hey grangew please keep my name anonymous. I'm thirteen years old. I'm from Arkansas. When I ask

for forgiveness from God. I feel like I'm forgetting to do something and afterwards, I don't feel like I'm even forgiven at all, and I don't know why. Thanks so much, eye, okay, I would well thirteen. Thanks for emailing. It's it's it's not a bad question. It's a legit question, and it's it comes with a deeper wisdom of what we're going to learn from the Bible itself, that that we are first of all, this is, this is going to be key.

As I'm holding my coffee cup here, wretched center coffee cup here, go into this with this mentality that you are not worthy of forgiveness. Look at it from that perspective. Instead of saying I need to be forgiven and I'm asking, but I don't feel like it. Flip it. Flip it in your mind and think to yourself, I am not worthy of forgiveness, but God forgives me anyway. And that is profound and that is deep, and it's it's overwhelming

to think of it that way. You're not worthy of forgiveness, You are a wretched sinner, and yet God is going to forgive you anyway through your your repentance and not a beautiful thing. And so instead of instead of thinking thinking to yourself, I don't feel forgiven, think to yourself instead, I shouldn't be forgiven, but I'm asking for it, and he does it anyway, and it's incredible and it's the Gospel. And through that, your job, through that, besides reading the

Bible in your own time, is forgiving others. Forgive others as you are forgiven. So use that when you start feeling like I ask for forgiveness and I don't feel like I'm forgiven, use that as an action for yourself and think of someone in your life that maybe you're holding a grudge about your mom, a friend from school, somebody that did something to you, maybe someone you just despise,

because you know the Bible says it's easy. It's easy to forgive someone you really love and they're a great person. It's easy to love someone that's a great, loving person. But it's difficult to love someone that's your enemy, someone that you despise, someone that is treats you terribly. That's difficult. And that's what God does to you, right to all of us, to all of humanity that ask for repentance.

So there's this idea that you think about your life and you think about that bullying in your school, right, think about that one kid that just messes with you, that gives you the eye. You can't even get by in the hallway because he looks at you weird. And I know you're thirteen. I was there, and I know this exists at some level in your life. Right, you're in the food chain somewhere at thirteen. I was too. But there's that one kid. He's just a punk man.

He's a punk and every time you walk by and he looks at you funny, he wants to say something negative about you. He's given you the stink eye all the time. He's the guy that when you're walking home from school and you're like, oh, no, there he is that guy. Forgive that guy with all of your heart. Look at him right in the eye and think to yourself, I forgive you. Man. You're an image bearer of God,

and I forgive you. And when you start doing that, when you practice that, when you go through your mind and you find those people in your mind and you truly forgive them, not because of what they're doing right now, but what they're capable of. You forgive people. You love your enemy not for not for the actions they're doing to you right now, but you love them because of what they're capable of, because they're image bearers of God.

Right like like when you when you are in a war, you're in a battle and you're you're looking face to face to the enemy and he's shooting at you. It's not that that you love. It's it's it's the heart and soul and blood and sinew and bones and brain

inside him. That's an image bearer of God that was made in the image of God, that has potential to be good one day, just like you, and you forgive them and you love them, and when you turn that into an action, it would be interesting on how your perspective comes back on how you feel forgiven when you ask for forgiveness. Do that. Next question says trust, subdecline. Hey gring, your my name a Scout. Me and my mom lately have not been getting along, mainly with my grades.

I'm not the best at math. Sometimes she thinks I'm lying to her when I'm not. What is your advice on this? Thanks so much, God bless my advice Scout on this is simple. Obey your mother obey your mother and father. There's a reason. That's part of the Ten commandments. You know. It's funny with with the law, with God's law for us, we continually mix up why there is a law, why law exists, and why the law intercedes

through the entire Old Testament. We start to think as humans that it exists in some way to please God. That's why the law exists. We do we obey the law because God wants us to for him, and that's just not the rea. The reason is God made the law for us so that we could we could fulfill our best lives to worship Him, so we could have the full capacity and the full availability to worship Him.

And that's our instruction manual, Like the law is our instruction manual so that we could run our best It's like if Ford Ford Truck, you know, gives you a new raptor and they say, here's the instruction manual to this raptor. And what's very important is that you put unleaded gasoline in this raptor. Don't put diesel in it. And you could think why would they say that, Like why does why does Ford needs me to put put

a certain kind of gasoline in here. Why do they care because because they made it, They built it, they created it out of a factory, and when they put the parts together and they built this engine, they made a gasoline engine. So they're telling you do this if you want to run correctly. And so part of the law is obey your mother and father. And there's a reason it's not. It's not so that you could please

God with obeying it. It's so that you run, your engine runs correctly, so that then you could be the best you, so that you don't you don't have problems, so that you don't have to email this podcast going we're butting heads and I don't know why. Then you go back and you go, well, what am I doing wrong? I'm not obeying my mother because I could tell you your mother wants what's best for you. That's what mothers do. It's what they that's what they do best. And if

you're not that good at math, I wasn't either. She knows that. But she wants you to reach your full potential. So she's wanting you to engage in focus and study, and and she's calling you out for lying if you're saying I did study and she's going, well, I don't see the results of the study because you're still failing this class. So are you lying to me? And may

you are, maybe you aren't. But the bottom line is she's saying all this because she wants you to be the best that you could be, to reach your full potential for you, not for her. She wants you to be the best because because she carried you in her womb and you are part of her. So sometimes I can come across as is, you know, butting heads and having these problems. But but she just wants what's best for you. So my advice is you're asking my advice. Me and my mom had not been getting along, mainly

with my grades. My advice is obey her. Hey mom, what do you want me to do? I want you to study? Okay, I will, I'll study. I want you to not go with your friends on Wednesday night to the whatever that you're doing. I want you to stay here and study. And you go, okay, I will. Wow, you know, like like that changes everything. She's gonna go, wait, what what, Yeah, I'll study, I'll do it. I'll do it. Why because you told me to and I know that you know what's best for me, and you want what's

best for me, right, do it? Obey her? That's my advice. Next question, the subject line says he doesn't want to get married. Hey, Grainderam from Sacramento, California, recently learned about your podcast and find peace in the genuine advice that you give. I've been in a relationship for four years, and about a year ago he proposed, but it was a kind of ultimatum situation. Since then, I've been the only one that brings up talking about the future or coming up with a wedding date, and when I do,

he seems annoyed. He never wants to break up. He wonders why I'm not happy with the way things are right now. He continues investing in our current relationship, but I want more of a commitment and a husband. How do I know when it's time to walk away? Okay, I'm not going to read your name because you didn't say it, so I'll call you anonymous. Okay, I think this is pretty pretty cut and dry what I would do.

First of all, I want to validate your concern. I think it's I think it's a legitimate concern that he proposed. But now he's completely avoiding the conversation of nailing down a date or a venue or anything that has to do with marriage. Here's my advice. You're probably living with him, right I wish you were here around the campfire and we could talk about this, but you're probably living with him. Move out, move out, get your own apartment. Well that's expensive.

Move in with the friend, sleep on a couch, move out, move away. I'm not telling you to break up with him. I'm not telling you to end this relationship. I'm saying move take all of your stuff, you toothbrush and everything out. If you're in a lease together, break it. Tell him you're doing this. Tell him you love him, you want to be with him, you want to marry him. You're so excited about this engagement. But until you have a ring on your finger and you have said your vows,

you are moving out. You don't want to hear this from me, do you. This is not what you were expecting me to say, is it? Move out? Move out? He is completely content with where he is right now because he is getting everything that he needs from you right now. Why would he want to get married when he has everything right now? Without the legal document he still has an out, he still has a way out the back door, just in case things go bad, get out.

It's nothing on him, it's nothing, it's nothing on the relationship. This is just a way to alter things, a way to shake things up a little bit. And that's what you have to do. You are not happy, You're uncomfortable. You're emailing me about this because you are. You're you're getting overwhelmed with this, this frustration. Otherwise, you wouldn't have emailed this to me, you wouldn't have taken the time to to fire off this email. You're you are overwhelmed

by the situation. And I don't blame you. But he has everything he needs right now, and you need to take that away because that's not his, that is yours. It's not his yet. Now. When you guys are married, you share everything. But right now, I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about the rent, the groceries, the dog. Everything that you share is not his to share with you. Right now. That's so important. You can't play house like this. Listen. I'm not I'm not I'm not looking down on you.

I'm not condemning you at all. I have I have my own flaws. I have my own problems. I'm just, as I say a lot. I'm one beggar telling another beggar where I found bread. And I'm just showing you through my wretchedness. I'm showing you how I found my way. Okay, take it from him, Take it away from him. He is happy and content. He has no reason to move this forward. Give him a reason to move it forward. Make him lay in that bed by himself and think, I miss her? How could I fix this? I need

I need her. She's a cross town right now. I can't stand just talking to her on the phone. I miss her being here. Make him think that. And if he doesn't, if you move out and he doesn't, goodbye, good good. Now you know that's a good thing. You shook it up and you figured out it wasn't gonna work anyway. But I think it might go the other direction. Let's break this deepness and go into something simple here. Hey, Grangeur, what's your favorite guitar brand? Do you play any other

instruments than guitar? Thank you for you and your family. Yegey from North Carolina. That comes from Max and Hudson, North Carolina. Shout out to North Carolina. Yeah, brother, I play play any pretty much any kind of strength instrument and keyboard, piano and pedal steel guitar, and I like to play. Currently, I play a lot of Martin, and I also play Gibson and Takamin and LV and Fender. I have a lot. I have a lot of guitars. It's kind of a bad vice for me, but it

goes with the trade. I have a lot. I have a lot of old Martins and really old Gibson and some brand new Martins. The new Martins, we have two of them that travel with me on normal tour dates, and they're just super durable. They last forever, They last in different humidities and different temperature changes, and they are workhorses, and most importantly, they sound great through all of that

kind of adversity. So if you're going to say you got to choose one right now, I would choose the Martin that I play now that you see me post pictures on in my shows today. That Martin is rock solid. It's actually a John Mayer's signature. Next question, subject line daily devotional. Hey Grangdeer, love listening to your podcast. Thank you for all you do and all the advice you give. I'm looking for a new daily devotional, wondering you had

any kind of recommendations. Thanks, JB. Yeah, JB. I think I think there's a there's a ton of daily readers, daily devotionals that are great, but if you go to if you go to like a Christian bookstore, there's a lot of them you can thumb through and find find the one that speaks to you in a way. And because they're they're tailored. I've read ones that are from the perspective of sitting in a deer blind It's like deer blind devotional or something, you know, something like that.

And then there's you know, everything from that to Jesus Calling to Billy Graham devotion daily devotionals. But I don't really want to pinpoint that and nail one down for you because I think it's much much, one thousand percent more important for you to make sure that that is only supplementing your reading, it's only secondary to what you're

reading each day. And that's the danger I feel of devotionals as they to start making that become your only way to read the Word of God is through a devotional or an app on your phone that pops up a Bible verse. I want to encourage you to actually read the Bible itself, and a good way I'm not going to say the best. A good way to do that is through a plan, a reading plan. I personally read on one called the mix Shane Plan Mix Shane

Bible Reading something, and it is for that plan. For me, it is twice to the New Testament, twice to the Psalms, and once to the Old Testament in one year. So I do it through an app called Logos. Then I do it on my phone or my iPad, and that allows me to go wherever I am, wherever I'm traveling, if I don't have a night light, if I'm on a plane, if I'm in bed and it's dark, I could just pop up my iPad and it pops up

the next chapter that I need to read. And that equates to for me, four chapters in the morning, and it's going to be something like one Old Testament, one Psalm, and two New Testaments. And it could take me fifteen minutes or could take me an hour, depending on how deep it is or how much I'm trying to focus on it. But before you start that, you just say God, I'm about to open your word. I'm about to read this. This is the living, breathing word of God, and I

needed to speak to me. Open my eyes to it today this morning. Open my eyes to this, to what it's about to speak to me, and soak it in and read that. And then the more you do that, the more that becomes normal, it becomes habit. And at that point, what you're doing is you're reading it yourself instead of a devotional telling you here's a verse and here's what to think about it. Instead, you're reading the word in its natural form, and then versus are popping

out to you and you go, that's interesting. That's not the most famous verse in this chapter, but this versus interesting to me. And then from there you can go research it and you could look it up and read commentary on it while you're processing it to yourself. And it's so much more powerful than a devotional, which is someone telling you automatically what to think about it. It's

important and I think it's something something to consider. And you might be thinking, I do that already, and that wasn't my question, but I wanted to make that totally clear for anyone else that might be listening. Next question, subject line says just a young man needing some advice. Hey Grangeer, I'd like to remain anonymous if possible. I listen to your podcast on the way home from work every morning that a new one is available, and I just love it. Look forward to a little advice from you.

I'm nineteen years old, I have a state job, and I'm genuinely happy where I live and where I'm at at my age, except for one thing. I've never been in a relationship, and I don't know what to do. I've talked with many girls, but we never seem to get past that stage. All my buddies seem to be happy in relationships, and I have no idea where to even start. How do I find someone that I could build my life with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry for this being a bit long. Oh thank you, Anonymous. I appreciate you so much. Thanks for emailing. It's a good question, and I've got to validate your concern here because it could feel it could feel very lonely when you're looking around at all your friends and they're in relationships and you start thinking what's wrong with me? Like? What am I not doing what's the trick here? What am I saying to these girls? I say things and it never gets past this stage. It must be me,

like I'm the only one messing this up. And that's such a microcosm of of us looking at our lives in general and everything we do and saying, why does he have that truck? I cannot barely afford my truck, but he's driving that one. How does he get it? Or even worse, looking at social media and going look at them on their own vacation right now. I can't even afford to take one day off my work, and they're enjoying the Bahamas. Look at them and they're beautiful,

and they're on the beach. There's palm trees. Must be nice. And that is such a danger because those people on the beach have problems too. The guy in the new truck has a high payment and he's got problems too. And those people in the relationships that you're talking about your friends have problems in their relationship that you don't

know about. They're not all perfect. In fact, none of them are, and all of them are going to lead to probably a breakup, and a few of them at your age at nineteen, maybe will end up in marriage, and of those maybe the ones that get married will last and not get a divorce. So we're not looking out at happiness all around you and you're the only one not sharing it. That's false. It's a false thought that you're having. So I want to clear that up

right away. Your friends are not happier than you because they're in a relationship, because they're not telling you the whole story. Look at all the questions I've been reading today, buddy, that you know, I've made it very clear that people are just people are all struggling. The ones that are married, the ones that are engaged, the ones that are dating, they're all struggling at some level. And the ones that

are single. The key to your question is finding contentment in your singleness, now, finding that place inside you that goes you know what. I'm in a really good spot right, I'm nineteen years old. I'm in a really good place. Like I don't need anything else, I don't need another person to add to to complete me. Hollywood has done a terrible job at making us think that we complete each other. Right, that's like the Jerry Maguire thing, Like you complete me. That is false. You don't need another

human to complete you at all. You are complete now. I mean, have you checked? Have you done an X ray? There's nothing missing? Have you got an EKG of your heart? Is there half of your heart missing? No? Have you looked at Cat's scan of your brain? Is there like a chunk that's gone that someone else could come and bring and fix. No, that is a false word. No one is going to complete you. You are a full human. You're fully capable of being content the way you are,

and that's where you you have to find. That's that's the place you have to find is ultimate contentment in yourself now. And what that does for you when you when you finally find this place where you go, you know what, I'm good? Are you in a relationship, buddy? No, I'm not, oh man, And you think, but I'm good? And what that does for you? That's gonna put off this really nice fragrance of confidence and you what is

it about him? What is it about this guy? I can't put my finger on it, but there's something just so strong and confident about him, and I can't put my finger on it. I'll tell you what it is. It's that contentment and their singleness. That's doing that for him, Because when you're not content and you're lonely, and you're desperate, and you're wondering what you're doing wrong and how to start a conversation and how to extend a conversation and

how to go on a date. When you're worried about that and trying to analyze inside you what's gonna make you better, that's putting off the opposite of confidence, That is putting off a fragrance of unknown u lostness. Right, And so I would I would encourage you to dig

on yourself, dig deep. Find the things that you love to do, Find your buddies, find the hobbies that you love, find the career that you love, find the maybe you're in school that you love, and realize, like I said earlier, realize that you're only nineteen once once this is your chance to be nineteen and single and content in your singleness, because once again, you're gonna look back on your deathbed years from now, decades from now, you're gonna look back

and you will not look at nineteen and go that was a tough That was a tough year. I was very lonely. Nope, you're gonna look back and go nineteen. Huh, to have one more day as an old man. You'll say this, to have one more day to be nineteen, I would do anything for that time. Time is the most valuable possession we have, and we continually waste it. It's crazy. Time is the most valuable possession in our lives and we waste it every day, every second we

throw it away. And one day you're gonna look back and go to have one more day of being nineteen. What would I do? And the answer is not I would go and try to talk to a girl and be desperate. No, go fishing, man, go fishing, go hunting, Go with your buddies, do something that you love to do. Laugh, smile, and realize that you are complete already. And that is going to put off a confidence that will be like a magnet to the girls. They will see that and go,

that guy's different. Something about that guy's different. It's because your contimp. We'll see you guys next Monday. Thanks for listening, Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I

upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig