#122 The secret no one wants to hear

answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I'll go through them and we'll archive them and we'll get to it. So it could be about any subject. It could be about life or career, or relationship or faith or even music. It's funny that this is actually under the music category, but we talk about music unless you ask me. And if you found me through TikTok or Instagram, thank you for being here. If you're a longtime listener, I appreciate you. I haven't had a guest

in a while. Currently filming a movie, a motion picture in West Texas, and so I come back home and I have usually two days per week home and I pick one of those days to jump on here and do the podcast. I don't really know when I'm gonna do it, so I haven't had a guest in a while. So oh Also, if you came from my radio show after midnight, thank you for listening to that and showing up back here. But let's get this thing started. I'm going to pull up the first question and it comes

from Jared in Abilene, Texas, speaking of West Texas. Abilene, Texas. It says, Hey, Granger, I'm new to the podcast. Absolutely love what you have to say each and every week. Thank you for that. Here's what I have. So, my girlfriend broke up with me this week. And we've been dating for two months, so not real long, but I've known her over a year. And the reason she broke up with me is because she needs to get some work done on herself and find out what she really

wants in life. Which I respect that because I want the best for her. But she wants some time to work on herself and see what she wants. And this is where I get confused, because I really want to work this out between us because I love this girl. Do I wait for her? Do I let her go and remain friends down the road. I don't know how to process this because we had a conversation on what we both want out of a relationship and that went great, and then she broke up with me four days later.

I'm twenty one years old in college. So just to remind her to everyone that's listening, I don't have any notes, I don't have any preparation. I don't even read these emails. So everything is going to be on the fly, as if we're sitting around a campfire and just having this conversation, and Jared, you're at first. You sit down at the campfire and you say, hey, man, I want to talk about this girl. It needs to be said that I'm

not always right. I'm just going to give you the campfire talk of what I think, what I think of the situation from the limited information that I know that you gave me. Jared, twenty one years old, young, haven't dated very long. Two months that's like nothing, and I mean it's long enough to get a serious crush on her, to get the infatuation going on her. You are heartbroken. I want to tell you something, Jared. This is like the secret, the secret that no one wants to hear

when they're in it. But if she wants time to work on herself. Then that means she doesn't love you, at least not right now, and at least not at a level that should continue this relationship. That's not a good sign, Jared. And this is what I would tell you around the campfire, that bro she's using that that's just like one of the four main excuses. Hey I want to work on myself. Hey I want to I will spend some time with God. Hey I'm starting this

new career. Or I need more time with my girlfriends. All these are just excuses to say you're not the one for me right now. And I know that's tough to hear, but the fact is, if you were, if she loved you like crazy, if she's thought that she wants to marry you, she would overcome whatever it is she's working on herself with, or whatever job she has, or whatever girlfriend she wants to spend more time with.

She would make it work with you. So this is this is a different conversation if it's you guys have been together for seven years, or you're married, or you're forty five years old. But this is a classic twenty one year old quick relationship. The best thing you could do Jared is give her the space. The best thing you could do is get away from your phone, get away from the the need, the craving to text her or to go scope her out on Instagram or Facebook

and see what she's doing. In fact, it's probably smart at this point to hide her from your feed on all social media. It's like something that I didn't really have to deal with it with this when I was dating because when I was twenty one, there was no social media. So it's a thing now where you need to be like, I'm not going to tell you to block her because that might just cause more problems, but you need to do something of the sort like hide her.

You could hide her on all your platforms because it's just going to perpetuate this feeling that you have. It's going to keep it alive a little bit longer, and ultimately, time is your friend. Did you say when this happened? Okay, I'm not really sure when it happened. I'm assuming very recently.

Time is your friend. You're going to need that time and as days go by, you know, some days might might you might miss her more, but but ultimately you're gonna heal this heartbrokenness is gonna heal and then you're gonna find somebody else. And the best thing about finding somebody else, And in your mind you're like, I don't want anybody else, Like she's the one I don't want to try. And that's okay, it's okay to think that.

It's natural to think that. But when you do you do find somebody else, it's like all this stuff is going to start making sense to you and you're gonna go, Wow, I'm better my I'm better myself because of the past relationships that didn't work. I have more understanding of myself now to put into the new relationship that I'm currently in.

And every time that happens, it's like this cycle and and the next one you'll you know, you might break up with her, but you get a little closer to who you are and and who you need and who you want and all this what I'm talking about is your future spouse. That's the goal here. On top of all that, there is this element where you have to

be content alone. And there's nothing in your email that leads me to think that that's a problem with you, but I have to throw it out that there's this concept that you have to be content single, content on your own, by yourself, without anybody. You don't need anybody to complete you or fill a gap that's missing in you. You find contentment, learn contentment alone with yourself, and then when someone else comes and just adds to that, you don't need anyone else you want and it makes your

life that much sweeter. So I hope, I hope this helps, and I know it doesn't make it easier, but I hope it helps to clarify that you're in this right now and it's going to pass and you're gonna feel better. But don't stalk her on Instagram? All right? The next one I pulled up says getting over someone. Should I read it? Should we repeat this? Okay? What's up Grandeur?

My name's Wesley. I'm sixteen from Alabama. Seriously, he says, I'd like to leave my name anonymous, but he just put it in the first senute, so I'm sorry about that. I'm a fan of the podcast. I've been listening for about a week now, and I've been dealing with something for about a year and I wanted your advice on it. I really like this girl who's currently one of my best friends, and she only sees me as a friend. I'm trying to get over her, but every time we

hang out with her, all those feelings come back. I sat with her down. I sat with her, sat her down, talked to her about my feelings like you said in the other podcast, episode one fourteen. But she just wishes that she could say the same, but she only sees me as a friend. I spend lots of time praying about this. I appreciate this podcast and everything you stand for. Have a great day. Well, thank you, brother, thanks for listening, and shout out to Alabama. I wish I wish I

could just shower you with good news here, buddy. But this is this is similar to the last question, but a little bit different in terms of it doesn't sound like there ever was a relationship, and it doesn't sound like there is going to be. That's okay, you're sixteen, that that's okay. It's it's it's okay to have this feeling for somebody that doesn't that doesn't have it the same feeling back. That's what I mean by okay is

it's normal. It's it's a natural thing, and you're going to go through this many more times, and there's you're gonna be on the flip side of it. There's gonna be girls that like you and you don't feel the same way, and that's okay, that's normal. The great news of your email, the best part of your emails is you're sixteen and you're getting closer to understanding who you are and what you like in your future long time hopefully from now, spouse. So, brother, there's nothing you can

do right now. There's nothing you could do. I would recommend if it hurts to be around her, I would recommend you just tell her straight up. Hey, you remember what we talked about a few weeks ago. Remember what I told you. I was vulnerable. I told you because of that, I need for myself to back away a little bit from you and spend some time with other people. I'm sorry if if that hurts you, and she's going to take this fine. Trust me, she's going to be

fine with it. But you should probably not keep her in your close friends group because it's tearing you up. Man. A lot of lot of relationship questions today. Here's this one says dating Advice, subject line dating advice, Hey Gringer, my name is Andrea from Kingsland, Texas. Shout out to Texas. We're back in Texas again. Here. So, I've been listening to your podcast for a couple months and I've become hooked.

I love everything you and your family stand for. Listening to you and Amber has opened my eyes to God and family. My question, though, is this, I'm trying to get back into the dating field again. It's been very tough. I'm lost as far as seeing red flags before I start planning a date with these guys. I've been hurt so much, and I'm really trying to not bring my past relationships into the current ones. I have low self esteem, I'm extremely shy, and I don't know how to talk

to guys anyways. I have two kiddos, one of six and the other is eleven months. I work seventy hours a week as a truck driver. I'm having a real hard time with all this. I have no idea where to even attempt to possibly give a man a chance, or to even be okay with talking to a man. Last question is how does a woman build up enough confidence to approach a man. I'm so lost. I can't even tell if a man's flirting with me or just being super nice. Sorry this was long. Thank you for

everything you do. Sincerely, Andrea. Andrea, thank you, thank you for emailing heavy stuff here. The heaviest part of your email is that you are working seventy hours a week and you have two kiddos, young kiddos six and eleven months, and so I can understand that more of the reason you have this urgency to find a man, because part of it, you know, I read this part of it. I just say, you don't need to be looking for a man right now, Andrea. You need to You need

to find yourself. You need to find contentment alone and single, just like I said in the last question. But I understand that there's this urgent see because you have babies at home, and I wish you didn't. I wish you didn't and well, I'm sorry, I'm so glad you have these two, but I wish you weren't in the situation of being single with them, is what I meant to say. They were a blessing, and I understand that, but I

wish that you. I wish that you'd weren't in this searching place with them, because they're gonna feel that pain with you, and so I would encourage you instead of where's the next guy? Are they flirting? It should have go on a date. Just pump the brakes. Pump the brakes, gather yourself, breathe, drive your truck, listen to podcast, read the Bible, find God, and let this whole situation just

settle a little bit. It's like it's like you have a glass of water with glitter in the bottom and you've just shaken it up and the glitter's going everywhere. But if you just put the glass down, everything settles to the bottom until you want to stir it again. Right, So just leave it alone for a second. Pump the brakes. And I know that's hard because you want somebody to

take care of you and to complete your family. And that's why, that's why, that's why God created man and woman to be together and to be married and to start a family, because it just it's it's a complete circle that way. And if it gets out of order, which it does, and sometimes it's just not our fault. I'm just not your fault. But but Andrea, it's just that's why you're in this difficult situation. I would ask you to just let it settle to the bottom. For

a minute and and focus on driving and don't. This isn't a big math problem. This is not like a Batman riddle to try to figure out the next man. You're not taking cues and learning. Just live your life, read your Bible, grow your faith, get on that path as being a great mother and a great employee. And watch as someone comes around and parallels you with that path, someone that's right for you, that comes alongside you, with you moving the same direction, not some truck passing you

in the night, flying by. And if you don't, if you don't flash your brights at them, they're gonna miss you. You know. That's that's what the game that you're playing right now is like, Oh God, I'm gonna miss them if I don't do something or notice them or catch on to the cues or the clues or the riddle. You know, it's like it's like none of that. You want. You want a truck to just pull up right next side you and go. You going that way, I'm going

that way too. Let's go together and it will happen. Okay, thank you for your email, Andrea. Next one says, subject line marriage, faith and mental health. Hey Granger, I'm twenty seven years old. I've been married to my wife for six years. We have three children, ages five, three, and two. Recently, my wife had an affair at our home, among sending photographs to him and another I'm at a place in my life where I carry great sadness. I struggle to see the path that I should be on in my life,

and it has been flipped upside down. I pray for healing for both my wife and I that our marriage may be saved. This is the darkest my life has ever been, and I know that something must change so that I can be able to be the father of my children that they need, and possibly a better husband. I pray when I can, which isn't enough. But we do not attend church anymore. As my wife disclosed she believes in a higher power, just not the Christian faith. I'm unsure what to do or where to turn. Another

tough one. Logan twenty seven years old, six years married, three kids and going through a tough time. Logan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you have to you have to be in this storm right now and you have to turn to this podcast and another people around you. I would go, I would go tomorrow. If you hear this, I would go tomorrow to that church, the one that you want to go to. I could tell you want to,

but you don't. I would go tomorrow, and I would I would go to their, to the offices and just go, hey, my name is Logan, and I need some help. I need some help, and they're gonna know what to do if it's the right church, and it probably is. My name is Logan. I need some help. I'm struggling. I feel alone. I'm a father, I'm in a dark spot in my marriage. My wife is not a Christian anymore. She believes in a higher power which is created problems.

And I need some counseling. I need some I need some counsel some wise counsel around me, and I need direction. I would do that, Logan would. I would go there and until and you you stay there until you find somebody that can sit with you and and go come on in. Yeah. Absolutely, Can you meet on tuesdays? How about how about your lunch break on Tuesdays? Can you come in here? Yes I can, and commit to that and commit to figuring this out with this with this

person at the church. You also mentioned that you pray, but not enough. And so I would ask you around the campfire here, I would say, why is that we have this tendency in our life to think that prayer is the last resort. You've heard people say nothing left to do now but pray. Well, this is funny because the Bible says that's the first thing we do. I'm talking logan, I'm talking on your knees at night. I'm talking against your bedside. Hard God, I feel alone, Be

present to me, Show yourself to me. I'm in this storm. When is the sun coming up? Right? I can't take the rain anymore. But I know you could bring the sun, God, show it to me, Show me the light in this This is too dark for me to handle. And that's the truth. And do that every day, repeat every day, every day, and go to that church every day. There's deeper problems here. There's deeper issues going on here than

what you just mentioned in your email. And you know that, wise counsel, it's time let's take a break and bear it back. Podcast has brought to you guys today by Raycon. You know a lot of people didn't even make New Year's resolutions this year, and you know what I get it, But that doesn't mean you shouldn't still find a way to shake things up, whether by switching your work out

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right when I upload it. So my life, my life right now, is one thing after another, and that's a good thing. That's a good thing. Very I feel very blessed, and I love doing this podcast. It would be so easy just to take a break and be like, you know what, I got a lot of stuff going on right now. I got the radio show, got the movie set, got the family. I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off on the podcast for a month, like pause it for a month.

And then I'm like, oh, I can't. I can't. There's too many questions, and I just I feel like it matters, you know, And in life, listen, I used to think to myself that we should. You know, I came to this conclusion several years ago that you know what, I'm gonna do things that make me happy. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do things that make me happy, and I'm gonna pursue those things. I'm gonna chase happiness

that'll make me happy. Right And so whenever I look at a list of things to do, I look at it, I look down the list, and I go out, of these things, what makes me happy? Do those? If you guys have been listening to me for a while, No, you know me better than that. You know that I'm not like that anymore. Now. It's not it's not chasing happiness. And I had to learn the hard way that we do things that matter. That's what we do in life.

We go after things that matter. If we only chase things that make us happy, it would be what a what a terrible unfulfilling life that would be just because you're happy. What does that matter? Doesn't matter. But when we do things to others that matter, that we contribute, we're adding something to this world. When we just want happiness, we're taking it, we're soaking in from others or the environment.

But when we do things that matter, we're putting it back out from us, and that is so much more fulfilling. That's when we go to our deathbeds and we look back on our life, what are we gonna say. You're gonna say, Man, I had a great life. I did everything that made me happy. Are you going to go, I had a great life because I did things that mattered to others. That's legacy. That's it. And so I'm not there yet, but that's where my head is, and that's why I'm gonna keep doing this podcast because I

believe that it matters. And don't get me wrong, I get a lot of that. I get a lot out of this for myself too. I get a lot from your questions and so it matters to me too. Next next on the list here, subject line says suicide Bible hope slash forgiveness. That's a big one, Haddie Granger. I'd from a small town in Franklin, Texas, Third Texas email in a row awesome shout out to Franklin. It says parentheses three A Division two state champs this year. Congrats man, congrats.

My dad passed away in twenty twenty dwo to suicide. If you have lost someone to suicide before, I'm genuinely sorry. Little backstory. Grew up Southern Baptist, nothing against them at all. I was told by my mom, when you commit suicide, you go to Hell. Never understood suicide growing up, seemed something very selfish. Fast forward to twenty twenty, my dad committed suicide, and all of these thoughts came back to

my mind. Did he go to Heaven? I know when he was younger he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior and always believed, but he did not live a Christian life anyways. I would love to hear what you have to say about this as honestly as you can. When I ask parentheses, not often I feel like people don't want to be honest with the broken woman in front of them. Thanks, I'm twenty nine years old, married with a child. Just so you can get to know me. Okay,

you're young, twenty nine. This comes from Jessica. Jessica, I'm so sorry, but you lost your dad and I want to dive into this, and yes, I want to be honest with you. I'm honest with the other questions about relationships. I might as well be honest about this. And I've said this before. My honesty doesn't mean that's my truth or your truth. It just means that's my honest answer

to your question. Right. I talked about this or something similar several episodes ago about suicide, like you, Jessica, I didn't know a lot about suicide and I didn't have any close suicide around me until I got older. And I did a documentary in twenty eighteen called They Were There and it's called a Hero's Documentary, and me and my videographer Paul and lots of others went out to far West Texas and we shot this documentary based around the lives of five soldiers that died. One of them

was by suicide. Through all these soldiers I talked to their families extensively. We had many, many conversations with their families and really highlighted the lives of the people that they were so they could be always remembered. And you could look this up. It's on YouTube. Actually it's called Granger Smith They were there, a hero's documentary. You could find it on YouTube. And I love that documentary. I worked so hard on it. Paul and I worked for

a year to put that together. And we walked one hundred miles in the desert for five days, and each day, twenty miles was all about one of these five soldiers. Talked about them, talked about their lives. We read letters from their wives or husbands or family members or mothers or brothers, sisters. We went through some of their their belongings out there in the desert, went through their some of their clothes and their jewelry and boots, different things

that they have, just to to fully understand them. One of them was a suicide death. I came to understand then more of what suicide is that I didn't know. And you know a lot of people will say instead of saying committed suicide, they'll say death by suicide. Because suicide is a form of mental illness, of course, like it's a it's an injury you get to your brain that's so severe through some kind of PTSD that you can't you can't survive anymore with it. That's how severe

it is. And the trauma to the brain, through either one event or through a compounding series of events, get your brain to a point where you cannot live in it anymore. And so that's why they say death by suicide, because it's not You aren't in a right mind to commit anything at that point, so you don't do it to yourself. One human is not capable of taking his or her own life in the right mind. Okay, so death by suicide means you were killed by the situation

at hand. It doesn't make a family member like you feel any better about this situation. I'm not going to tell you that, So that then, Jessica, you could walk away and go, oh, feel better about it now. No, it's murder in a very different way. It's not someone else's hand. It's not necessarily like an act accident. It's murder from your own hand. All that being said, and I talked about this a few episodes ago, from the Christian perspective. From the Christian perspective, murder, right, murder is

a sin, and that's what death by suicide is. It's murder. It just happens to be yourself. The Gospel of Jesus, when he came, God in flesh, came to this earth, he came to forgive sinners. Murder is a sin. He came to forgive sinners. So the answer, the quick answer to your question is is he in Heaven or Hell? No one can tell you that he's in hell. No one can tell you that. It's not a Southern Baptist thing,

it's not a certain church cult thing. It is not biblical that anyone could tell anyone else that they're going to hell because they don't know that person's heart and they don't know what happened at the last seconds of their life. We can't say that about the worst mass murder in the world. We can't say that about them because we don't know what happened to them at the very end, even if they didn't have the fruits that you would expect of a Christian to have their whole life,

we don't know, so we can't say it. And the example we have is right there in the Bible. You know that the thief on the cross right next to Jesus, he was a thief. He was Whatever he did, this thief, whatever he did was bad enough for capital punishment, right. He was getting killed on a cross, this thief. So whatever his life was, it was not good. But he's hung there on the cross next to Jesus, and he said, will you remember me when you go into your kingdom.

This is minutes before he died. And Jesus said, today you will be with me in paradise. That is incredible to all sinners of the world, including me, because we all are. That's incredible news. It's incredible. It throws out every false notion of religion that we could possibly have, that you have to live a life worthy of it, live a life worthy of heaven, or live a life worthy of hell. Either way, but it's all about the living of it. And it's Jesus just threw it out.

When Jesus went to hang out, he went to he went to the sinners, He went to the prostitutes and the thieves, and he hung out with them. And he said, it's not the well that need a physician, it's the sick that need a doctor. Right, So we don't know what happened to your dad. We can't look at his life and go by judging by the life that he lived. I'm pretty sure he's in hell. You can't say that, No one can because we don't know his heart, because

he could have been just like that thief. For at the last second he said, well you remember me when you go into your kingdom. What if he did? Jesus came to forgive sinners. Murder is a sin, Suicide is a murder, meaning suicide can be forgiven. And we don't know. We don't know what was in his heart. But now it turns the whole message. Now turns to you. It turns to you knowing that message. Why do we need

to know that message? Like? Why we need to know that the power of God is so incredible, so great that it forgives even the worst sinners of the worst sin. That's incredible. Right. We don't have a God that sits up there like Santah Clause with the list and checks us off every time we do something good and goes, ooh, put one another one in the good column. So far, he's got one thousand and seventy eight hundred in the good column and one thousand and twenty three in the

bad call. Okay, he's doing pretty good. Keep it going, buddy, you might get to heaven. No, that's not that's another religion. It's not Christianity, that's my opinion. But it's biblically based truth. Okay, Jessica, So you could sleep at night and go. No one can tell me that about my dad, no one. I'm so sorry for your loss. Next question says injuries, faith and tough decisions says Hey Granger. I've been going through a really rough time lately, making a lot of big decisions.

To start off, I tore my ACL in November after making it into the varsity basketball team as a freshman. This is throwing a wrench in some of my biggest goals and plans and has brought a lot of trouble into my life. Not only am I out for the season, but I'm out for the next eleven months and I'm going into surgery soon. Now. I am also involved in FFA, I show livestock at the fair, I play softball, hike and hunt. I'm unable to do all of these things

that brought me joy. During my recovery, I'm being pressured into making decisions about how I will spend my time after surgery and maintain my goal of being a three point three sport athlete through high school. At this point, I'm not sure if that's even a realistic goal. From that standpoint, I feel kind of lost. On the other hand, I think it's opened up totally different opportunities in my life.

I have recently gotten even closer with my best friend, and she's helped me lead me into joining FCA, which has brought me back to the Lord. I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to continue to strengthen my relationship with the Lord, how to learn how to trust myself. To add to this, my dad thinks I should try trap shooting. It's also a sport I could do during recovery. Do you have any opinions on

any of this? Thank you so much for your time, Madison. Madison, it's a good question, and tearing your acls is tough. It's a tough thing. You're out of so many things that you love in your life. But acls through surgery will heal right. I've known many of them in my life. I've never done it myself, but I've had many friends that have torn their ACL, including my brother Parker. He tore his when he was like twelve years old, really young to tear ACL. And I will say this will pass,

it just will it will. But you're going to be out for a little bit, So what do you do in the meantime. Well, I remember going through this when I broke a couple of ribs and punctured a lung falling off the stage and you could actually look at that on YouTube. I hate that it's on YouTube which you get to actually see Granger Smith breaks his ribs. Somebody filmed it. It was terrible, and it was during

toy season. I was rocking and rolling. Man, we were going and everything was great and boom, two ribs are broken. I'm out for and the lung was punctured, so out for minimum six weeks. I'm out. And I had the same feeling that you have. I had this feeling of oh, man, everything I love in my life it's put on hold. What am I going to do? How am I going to make money? How am I going to pay the band? How am I to keep the bills paid? Maybe people, maybe my fans are going to forget about me because

I'm not touring anymore. And I had to just first of all, quiet all those thoughts. And then I started going through this stuff in my head, like, well, what what is the best road to recovery? That's the first thing I thought of, what's the best road to recovery?

Like what would an NFL quarterback do? So I've looked up stuff like ice baths and eating more vegetables in my life, like putting more greens in my life, because I would sit there and watch Netflix and watch these documentaries on how good vegetables are for you and we don't eat enough of them, and so I would watch that and and so I started I learned things then Madison during that time that I still do today today. Today, I still I still put greens in a smoothie with

protein every morning every day. That's from breaking those ribs. There is there is so many things I learned, so many people I found on Netflix and and I found I found speakers and life coaches and so many of these new elements that were introduced into my life. When I had finally I had time to slow down and

focus on that focus on myself no doubt. If you put your mind that way, there will be things that come up in your life during your healing of your ACL that you'll carry with you a long time, and you'll look back at the storm. What seems like is you know the end of your life. You're a three sport athlete. It's all over. Well. Sometimes God has a way of going, hold up, hold up. I want you to think about me for a second. And it's hard. It's hard to know that God, you let this ACL

thing happen. But look what happened. You just told me you joined FCA. You're getting closer to the Lord. You're gonna get more time to watch sermons online. You're gonna get more time to read your Bible. When you get your knee propped up, you're not gonna be running around like crazy going to practices and games and filling your schedule up with that kind of stuff. You've gotta be better for this. We're better from any storm. But when you're in it, it's hard. It's hard. You're in the turmoil,

you're in the clouds, you're in the rain. But then the sun comes back out again and you go, wow, I actually made it. Now it's a pretty big storm. It says at the end, you're fifteen. You're fifteen years old and you went through ACL surgery and recovery. That's a pretty big storm. Our storms are always relative to where we are, who we are in our lives at the time, and being fifteen and tearing your ACL is big.

It's a big deal. Everyone listening goes Man's that's tough for a fifteen year old to sit out for that long. And then you start wondering like maybe you know, I've googled things and I'm wondering like, maybe it won't heal right, Maybe I'll walk with the limp forever. Just reject that, reject those thoughts. You're gonna be good, You're gonna be okay, and you're gonna be better for this. Let's bring up another one here, man, we got relationship questions all over

the place. Okay, let's let's go so many relationships. That's okay, it's okay. Let's do this. One subject line is breakups and how to move forward. Hey Granger, love your podcast. Recently found it due to TikTok, but I've been a listener of your music for many years. I have a couple questions for you, hoping to get some advice. I'm twenty four years old from Southeast Michigan. I went through a breakup with my ex back in February of twenty twenty.

We were together about three years. Since then, we're on and off for a little while, but haven't really had any kind of communication for or contact. For the last six months, I've been struggling to let her go. I've been to therapy, spoken with the Lord again and again, and asked him to guide me through this hardship in my life, but I can never feel like I'm making progress. I can't shake the feeling that she's the person for me.

I've tried to allow us to have some space from each other, to grow as people and hopefully come back to one another one day, But every day I'm consumed about thought, with thoughts of doubt, fear, and anxiety. I'm pretty sure she's sleeping with someone new. I'm sorry, I read that wrong. I'm sorry, buddy, I'm pretty sure she's seeing someone new. I don't know why I put an L in front of seeing she's seeing someone new now, and that just kills me on the inside. But I

hope that it's good for her. I've been trying to be positive about everything that's happened. I'm thankful in some ways this happened because this breakup has brought me back to the Lord, and I'm working every day to strengthen that and to be more positive. Any advice you could give, I would appreciate it. God bless Stephen. Okay, Stephen, you're twenty four years old. Shout out to Michigan. Love Michigan. You guys, you guys had a rocky relationship. You broke

up February twenty twenty. You were on and on, I mean, excuse me, on and off. That's normal. On and off after relationship is normal because you're like, well, we broke up for a reason, but maybe those reasons aren't that big a deal. So you try it again. Then you're like, yeah, they were a big deal, So you get back with her, and then you get back off again. So that's normal. But the kicker here is you haven't had any communication for the last six months. You've been struggling to let

her go. You've been to therapy, you pray about it. You think she's seeing somebody new. You're consumed every day by thoughts of doubt, fear, and anxiety and the key to this whole thing, Stephen, as you're not content with who you are right now by yourself alone, single, it's a scary thought for you to be without her, as if she is completing you when you never needed to be completed to begin with. You already are complete, Steven. You are already who you are. You've got every component.

You got ten fingers and ten toes, and two ears and a nose. You already are complete. And believe it or not, that heart beating inside your chest doesn't need another heart next to it to pump the same amount of blood that as humans, we start doubting that, we start thinking that, no, there's this other person will make my heart beat better than it beats now, and it's just not true. The right person will add to you and add to your life and highlight all of your

attributes better, but never complete. And so right now, this emptiness you're feeling is, this is heartbrokenness. But I just need some time and you have to get away from this nagging thought. You're gonna have to make a decision, Stephen, that you will not be consumed by these thoughts anymore. Have you told yourself that I know what the truth is.

The truth is you kind of like being consumed by those thoughts because as long as you're being consumed by those thoughts, you're still close to her because she's a part of those thoughts and she's a part of your past. And so the nights and you get sad and you start thinking about her, and you start flipping through pictures that you guys had together, and you creep her out on Instagram. The nights when you're doing that, you're close

with her again. And so even though it hurts, you got a piece of her again, just for that moment, and it's satisfying a need, it's scratching an itch for you. But you know it's leading nowhere because it's false. It's a lie. She's not here anymore, Stephen. She's gone. She's with somebody new. So you come to the realization that she's gone, and you tell yourself, I will not be consumed by these thoughts anymore. I will not pull out my phone and start looking up old pictures of us anymore.

I will not hear that voicemail that she sent me anymore. I will delete that text thread that we had six months ago. I will delete it. I will not tell yourself this, Stephen. I will not be consumed by this anymore. It's a lie, and you're falling into the trap of it. And as long as you fall back into it, as long as you want to put on the facade that it's that you hate it and it hurts you, but

the truth is you need to think about her. As long as you keep lying to yourself about that, it's gonna just keep going and going and going and going. You want to be healed? Do you want to be healed, then tell yourself. I will not be consumed by these thoughts of fear, anxiety and doubt anymore. I am fine. I'm a human. We have made it through so many

things in history. I come from a legacy of the human race, and we have survived wars and plagues and storms and floods and fires, and somehow we make it because we're resilient to creatures. That's how God created us. And I'm one of them. I'm one of this human race, and I'm resilient, and I will not be consumed by this girl. And as soon as you do that and make up your mind, boom, watch the doors that open for you. Watch the opportunity you're giving yourself now for

someone new. It might be five months, might be five years, might be fifteen years. I don't know. But you're opening the door wider and wider with all this time that goes by. With every day that goes by, you're opening that cracked door of another relationship, another opportunity for your future spouse. At twenty four years old, you're opening that crack a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. And the longer time goes by, good for you. Man. The more time that goes by, good.

The wider that door gets, the bigger the opportunity, the more space you're giving it, and the more opportunity that people can come to you through it. Open the door, dude, don't live by that lie. Preach to yourself. I will not be consumed by this any longer. And you delete that stuff on your phone, You pull that stuff out of your brain. Distract it if you have to. The brain is a funny organ, right, Distract it. Go somewhere,

Go do something. Go ride a roller coaster, bro, you can't be on the roller coaster on a big, old wooden roller coaster, screaming down and thinking about heartbreak. You can't, it's not possible. That's a distraction. That's a good distraction. Go skydiving, bro. You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it, and you're not alone. As you've heard from these other emails, You're not alone and still a good question. It's a normal question. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you

next episode. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com yig