#241 - THE JOHN-O-THON

Welcome back to the Goons Podcast. We are joined for a very, very special episode today. We are here with Blarg. Oh. Mick Nasty. I do. What it do? What it do? Myself! Swaggy Souls, we are here for a very special long away. Very special. Very extremely hyped up. Everybody's been waiting for it. It is the one and only Yeah!

Fuck I love everyone named John! OH MY GOD This is a very special episode because we have enlisted we we we have basically put out a call. For all John's foreign and domestic who are uh fans, who are n not fans, who are just random people every day John does. We called on the We we we we called on all the John. A bat signal of just John A milk toast one signal. And but here's the thing. And they answered the call.

We have we have a whole host of different Johns who are currently in the Discord. As far as I know, they're all John. I went in there and I said, If your name is John, please say here and they all said here. I and so I need to know. One did ask though if if Kings, which I'd say that's like that's like a John from our friends down under, you know? Absolutely, absolutely. John for Little Zest.

Yeah. This is not and not down under like Australia the American. No, no, just down under America. Like under our Fupa. In Australia they're referred to as John O's. John O's? Johnno. Yeah, we don't want any of those guys. We don't want any Johnos. Untrusted John Os. Bogan's a lot of them. A lot of them, but I don't know what Bogan's actually means.

I think a redneck is like a fucking knife, mine. Oh, I've got a kind of fucking claw, I got a fucking damn, damn. All right. So yeah, it's good. We have a very it's it's very good. Cast of John's. We basically are going to deduce which John is the master John. Who is going to be the Who who who's who's the S tier John who who's who's under the crap? Out of all the ranking Johns.

We're looking for ranking John. Can we get a tier list? Absolutely do a John Tier list. Can we get a John Tierra? With no context, it's just John, John, John, John, John. Yeah. We could do John A through Z or we could do uh John one through however many we have. Okay, we can do that. We can number the job. It kind of dehumanizes them a little bit and I like that. I like that they're we're stripping them of their ego.

I like that. No, not their name is John Jonathan Johnny uh Juan. It's it's John applier. And and and hey, if your name is John and you're watching the show, just give yourself a pat on the back. If you still have a big panel, you can't do it. You got name John. You did you did the hardest part. Of all the names you could be uh I actually would love to go through a a a a in a couple of interesting John Fangs.

Okay. For for the audience before we get into you, just as you have John facts? I do have a couple of John Facts. Believe it or not, I prepared for this episode. We can't we I was gonna say, dude, we don't even prep for like normal episodes, but then when we're having Johns on, you're like Doing research like we have a guest. Oh yeah. Like there's been more work into this than there's been when we had again guests uh famous people any other guest. Yeah, literally like like

Like Tim Henson, we just raw dog that we can even think about it. Yeah, he said he pooped in a bag. I did have another lag spike, just so you know. Yeah, all right. So John was the number one boy's name in the world in the in Oh wait, no, uh in the United States sorry. Guys, John was number one boy's name in the United States from eighteen eighty all the way through the early nineteen twenties. That's a long reign of Johns. For decades more, that's true.

That's a long reign. John's are big there. We have another one. Uh John still ranks solidly in the top thirty for boys. All all across uh the West. And we have what here uh this was this was really interesting. The name John has inspired countless international variants due to its spread through Greek, which is Johannes Latin Johannes. And the local forms Jean, which is French or Jeanne, I suppose. Um Giovanni in Italian.

Uh Johan Johannes in German. Juan in Spanish. Ivan comes from John. From John? How Ivan comes from John. It's the Slavic fucking vodka. John Margo. It's a fucking potato vodka getting on. And also, speaking of speaking of speaking of alcohol, Sean, the name Sean, the Irish name Sean. Originally came from John. So Ivan, a Juan, y they're all Johns. There's a lot more Johns than you would actually think. Yeah, you know I I I'm not up on my John lore. I didn't know there was that many Johns.

So you actually spend a lot of time on John. I sit on these motherfuckers. I do. You you put your wiener in John. Pooh in John? A goldfish. Oh yeah. Yep. That gerbil from O seven. The oh seven gerbil incident in the toilet. Yep. Mm-hmm. Weekly baby. Incredible. Well, I I'm I'm sti amply stimulated by all that information, Swagger. It's John Lore. Also John Poor.

John Porte. I was about to say John Porr. We need we have to let's list, you know, some notable Johns because there are quite a few. I can just Off the top of my head, John. John Lennon. John Biden. John Cena. John Biden. John Cena. John Don't know if that's a guy. John Obama. Oh, John Skyrim. Yep, true. John John Jacob Jinkelheimer Schmidt. Johnny. Yep. The portage on. True, like the regular John, but it moves. Without further ado, I think it is time that we grab our very first

I think we should go for this guy's name is John Classic and he has a video on. So we're gonna see what the first John looks like. I think we go with him. John Classic, the classic John, the first John. Let's see. What he has to say. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy the first journal of the Jonathan. Hello, John. Oh, shit. Hello, John. John. Hello. Give the give the there we go. Oh he's got the camera going. Hold on. He's one minute pixel. There we go. I'm running off of my iPad. Fuck off.

That was Ross. Okay, all right. John if you would please uh just Just you know, give us uh give give us some detail. A quick rundown. Is it John or is it John to thin? Is there an H or is there an N? So I go by Johnny online, my Johnny Johnny. Okay. Not too bad. Okay. He gets cool he gets cool points. Okay. So uh follow-up question. How long have you been named John? Fucking somewhere between twenty and twenty-five years.

Okay. Like one night he got his name legally changed for this parents just busted down the door at midnight was like you're John now. They bestowed it on you. Electing it, electing it. This is my escalabile. You were you were crowned a John that day. Okay. Wait. So uh swagger, go ahead and what makes you a standout John? What about your life is interesting or unique? What sets you apart from the sea of Johns that's here today?

So I go by J Seathbot Online and uh I make music. That's that's the type of shit I'd be on. Hell yeah. Musical John. What kinda music? Musical John. Um so I started in twenty seventeen making shiptune music on a website called Beat Box, B-E-E-P-Box. Wait, maybe that kind of music? Chip tune, you can't do it. Oh, oh, chiptune. I thought you said shit poop music. I was like, what the fuck is he? I believe that's the one. Don't come in. Believe the kids call that penis music on TikTok.

Penis easy. But uh no, so yeah, I started making chip tune, eight bit we'll say, just to make it easier for the uh view uh listeners on online. But I made A bit music from twenty seventeen until uh just a couple months ago when I finally got up enough money to make FL Studio or buy FL Studio. And um so I made project as a submission for college. I actually just got accepted to a college program for music. Nice. Sweet. That's good. Congratulations.

Thank you. And then now I'm working on uh getting my backlog of projects from Beatbox updated. Uh and matter of fact, I'm starting off with a uh commission that I did for one of my buddies like five years ago. So I'm gonna give that to him as a surprise. All right, so we get it. Multifaceted John. John This is a very strong start for the John. This is a good start for John. Now are you now are you an educated John? Do you have a degree?

Uh yeah, actually. So uh I went to I gotten into an apprenticeship uh back in twenty twenty one for uh electrical engineering technology and uh as a big part of that we got a bit of a part of that program. For two years. Wow. Studio says John. I like this. I like this. All right. Hmm. What would be what would be a great follow-up question here? John, have you had any lovers? Or they named John. Have you have you have you had many? I've heard John's only fuck other Johns.

Bald people only so far so far this John is like a good B uh upper B tier, A tier. I wanna know are you uh you're not an incel John, are you? No, I I'm okay, I'll put it like this. I'm not like screwing around every Tom, Dick, and Larry and John. Okay. But uh you know, I have a uh relatively low body count, I would say. I'm not gonna get into specifics. So you don't know too many Johns then, is what you're saying. Mom, this is John. We'll say the number is between two and six.

Okay. Okay, so is it four? Are we just saying four here? What do we say? A very broad John Then this John this John doesn't kiss and tell and he gets even more points for that. So I like that. No, this is a strong John. John. Um I feel like we gotta ask one doo doo question to all the Johns, right? Of course you do, of course. Of course you do.

John. No, you know what, dude? This is your expertise. Go ahead. Yeah, so um I've been in a lot of Johns, not in the same way you have. My body count is a lot higher with being inside of John's. I've shit a lot. Do you have any insane shit stories you would like to stare share with us? Oh okay. So when I was when I was nineteen years old, I was working

I didn't have a car at the time. I was working at Smash Burger. And so I don't know if any of you guys have had Smash Burger. I have had Smash Burger. No, I checked one Smash Murder. I don't know. I don't know if that's an actual restaurant. Smash Burger is a restaurant chain that serves really greasy, like wet hamburgers. It's like Subway of Burgers then. It's wet. It's prep or bad. Best way to uh describe it, it's all of the uh the

Pre premiere of five guys with none of the good pricing. It's uh ridiculously expensive. But anyway, so I fucking, you know, I they gave me food there, so I ate my food. I'm walking home. And just, you know, I I'm sure you guys have had this experience when you're walking, your stomach's just like, it's time to shit now. Yes. I didn't have a car. I was like mile walk from my house. It's like I still had twenty minutes, so I'm just like, fuck it.

I'm gonna go park in this bush over here. I'm gonna grab some leaves. I'm gonna try my best to clean this shit out. Damn. You would tribal shit. The worst thing is the worst thing. But the worst thing is as I'm finishing up, I just fear in the distance, I'm like, motherfucker, I really hope nobody's pulling up on me. And then I see lights in the distance. I'm like, you gotta be fucking good, man. This is where I get caught for public indecency. I didn't get caught. I was able to walk right home.

Fucking I thought you were about to say that you just got arrested for shooting. John went to jail for doo dooing in a bush. That might be the most balloons thing of all time. This is actually my jail cell. I'm I'm coming to you live right now. I thought you were going like be like yeah and then I turned around and I fucking said Sean I was in front of a preschool and No, no actually turns out that Bush was just a fucking chihuahua and the guy was still holding it.

That's a great so we so are we talking liquid, are we talking semi liquid? Are we talking Oh you need you have to be big here, John. And how many leaves did you go through? Were they dry? No, it was an i it had just rained. So there were puddles everywhere. That's kind of so it was like dude wipes. Yeah, it's like a yeah that's sweet. Nature's doom like Well, i you know, you would say that, but considering that the leaves are covered in dirt, you can't really sell what dirt and what shit.

Or you're just rubbing dirt in your asshole. You might have been adding to the slot back there. Infinite wipe. I would have just stood it on the ground like a dog. Dude, I would have just tea baked the puddle for a little bit and called it a day. I tried my best to shake it off, but you know, you can't get all the dirt off. No. Now at that point, you just take the racing stripe in your underwears and go home. That's just what your day is.

Gentlemen, where are we going to place John number one? This is this is I think this is a minimum this is an A tier John. An absolute A tier John. Great job. And you're already in A-tier. And you're setting the ball high and I like you and I like your hoodie. And and a final follow-up question, do you smoke weed?

Hej, det är jag från riksbyggen här. Ursäkta att jag avbryter mitt i din egen tid med podd och allt. Jag ville bara säga att vi har massor av bostäder som passar alla olika sätt att leva. Det betyder att du kan få ditt drömboende precis som du vill ha det. Men jag gissar att det du helst vill just nu är att fortsätta lyssna på din podd.

Oh hell yeah. Except uh so that owns that sweater doesn't smoke weird. Yeah, that sweater with that hat, Carl. That was insane. Oh yeah. You look like you're waiting for a phone to charge. I'm unemployed. I'm looking for a job, so I've been staying clean, but I've been fiending for some bud, man. Hey man, if there's if there's if there's where where are you based, Andrew? I'm based out of uh somewhere between Maine and California. Somewhere between somewhere between the Midwest and Ohio.

All right, if there's anyone between Midwest and Ohio who wants to hire this John, that's he has our blessing and he has our uh endorsement. Uh for whatever. Hopefully not a smash burger. No smash burger. That doesn't that doesn't do well. Before you send me out, can I advertise myself? Sure. Go for it. Check me out on SoundCloud John Classic and then check out my YouTube channel, JCTheBot. Hell yeah. Oh yeah, check him out.

John, it's been a pleasure. Take it easy, John. Fantastic. Thanks for me and John. All right. Number John Classes. Why not smart? Not bad. Not too shabby. Setting the bar pretty high, we have one eight year John, John Classic is currently leading as as far as our good Johns go. Uh he's pretty good. All right.

Gentlemen, we have the bar has been set high. That was a good John. That was a respectable man. Let's just do a round of applause. Yep. Quick John. Quick quick round of a John. All right. It was great. Um

I think we gotta find somebody who looks fucking cooked now. I'm personally thinking pish fussy. Pish fussy. That's a good question. Actually they don't have a camera. They don't have a camera. I think we I think I like I like the camera vibes. True, it's true. We could we could always bring him in to nags. Okay, all right, let's bring in f uh Pish Fussy. Everybody welcome them. Everybody welcome them. I don't like them.

Hello, Pish Fussy. Hello. Oh, they're trying to kill him. That's a John. That's a good John. That's a fucking drink. Right there, failure. Yes, sir. We got a solid build going. A solid build. I like that. How tall are you, John? I'm a solid five nine. Oh, you really dude, you look like you can average deadlift a car.

I like the I like the You look like you could deadlift a car. You look like a Jack John. Your fucking traps are halfway up your neck. Yeah, you know Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp took a bunch of steroids. It's pr it's great. So John, tell us what makes you a standout John? What what sets you apart from the rest? What makes you a truly unique John? Well. I am a third generation John with another The Fourth John. The fourth generation. Damn. Holy shit. So you're John the Fourth.

Yes sir? Yeah. Do you go by John the Fourth? Honestly, I go by J D. Just because my mom we gotta know who mom's yelling at. What's the what's the D stand for? It stands for David. Oh, it's a very biblical. I thought maybe it stood for David. John David. That's that's a tough name. That's an adverse name. Strong name. Yeah, the uh uh Dave is my middle name. Okay. All right, that's pretty tough. Okay. I noticed that's a running thing with John's. It's always like

Their nickname would be like J and then like another like white name, white name. No no no, it's like they're not think about J D, J C and like J like J. Yeah, okay, all right. J J Z Diddy. J Diddy? That's not a great nickname. That's not a great thing. I mean the owner of Diddy's John Diddy. Now what's the backstory? What's the backst there has to be a backstory behind that? Did you do anything questionable? Did you maybe touch somebody with Andrew permission?

Okay, not no nothing illegal. Nothing illegal, I think. Alright. Okay. Um but I wouldn't late to the uh gaming sessions with the guys, they'll text me saying, John, when you get home I'll tell'em, I I'll be home in five minutes. Give me like five, ten minutes, I'll be home. Of like forty five minutes away at at a at a girl's. No, bruh, you're one of those fucking guys. We it can't be a lion on the homies when it comes to fucking playing games, dude. So they start to come in.

Nah they've they've they've they've gone on me so much about that. I have been I I would give myself like a ten, fifteen minute buffer. And hit every red light possible and still be late. Hmm. Oh, that's crazy. So you you you just just just callously mention that you're at a girl's house. Do you have a girlfriend or are you a laise, John? Right now I'm a ladies man. I am crazy. Yes, sir. Getting his little John wet.

I like that. I'm assuming you must get around a lot then. You you w and what's your love life like? Op de moment. Looking like do. Oh good though no. Wait, well hold on. Are we talking about are we talking about five year ago do or current do?'Cause this dude gets to get your dick in a whip. Be there in a minute. What are we calling you? Maybe it is like my John number three is calling.

Hold on, hold on. Can I uh go grab my dad, have a little introduction of him. John Double. J D I gotta see John Senior. I don't think they look identical. What if it's John the Third? John John the Third. You know what the most fun part about these always is just seeing our viewers' houses.

This is a nice respectable house. A lot of the time I feel like there's just like socks on the ceiling. Yeah, no, it's a nice that's a nice California style kind of uh some money in the John family. The Johns do well. The Johns do well. Doing a Jonathan. But they have people doing I'm talking to these guys on the internet. That looks like a John. That's a good John. That is a good John. Definitely a John. Strong jeans spelt J-E-A-N-S.

Like the French way to spell giant. Did you say do we have a question for him? Yeah. Boy, do we have a question for him? Yeah. Depends how do you want it D wants to ruin your relationship with your wonderful father or not? I think this is a question for the do. I think the doo it might have a question like he asked her last one. I think it might be pertinent. I would like to know the last time your dad shit himself.

Or had a or had a horrible shit story. Yeah, any like horrifying accident or anything. Alright, so they're asking when was the last time do you shit Or or was that an embarrassing story related to Yeah. Uh a little if you don't mind? Sorry. Doing that one. Just tell'em. Okay. Um you said a couple of months ago at uh at work. Oh man. That's rough. What does he do for work? Uh he it's a service manager, right? Ooh. That's a bad that's a bad time to share yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Did he get to go home or did he kinda have to just do do shorts the rest of the day? I'm assuming uh he went home. Uh you w you want to watch it? What That's a life hack. Get out of work easy. Your fridges get out of work for you. Except for when you're doing this podcast. Oh God, hold on. Um okay.

at work it happened. But luckily it didn't like through his pants. Okay. So instead he went from his like little office to the uh to the bathroom and like just took him off, dumped him And then proceeded to drive forty five minutes home. Oh my god. Incredible. Oh my god! Yeah, he's a real one. He's a fucking real guy. That's a W John. Yeah, that made a raise.

Damn, okay, W block. Tell him he's a good man. Tell him he's a very good man. With this in mind With this in mind, if we're going to rank these two giants together as a unit, where are we going to be placing them? Dude, it's hard to rank these Johns low. Just two good Johns. Are you either A tier? A tier is he on par better or worse, slightly than the previous John Classic. That's close. I think because the dad the dad boosted you. Do you have this is an A John. This is an A John.

Oh yeah, we found it. We found it. It's right there. It's in the room. Speaking of autism, I literally uh moved everything in my room like Last night. Nice for the vibe. Prepared. Good man. You knew that you had to throw uh you had to you had to throw it all in to be uh admired by us. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm not sure. Alright, I like these Johns. These are good Johns. I'm giving I'm giving you autism. So I think that's that's gonna be everything number one.

A for autism is a damn good. A for autism, Mr. Pish Fussy, uh John number two. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for for joining us. That was that was great. Great, great. Say hello to your dad again. Yeah, your dad was fucking awesome. Yeah, I'd I'd I'll I'll tell you guys say hi in a second. All right. Any any closing words before we send you back? Any closing remarks? Classic John on top. John classic. Alright. There you go. Fair. Fair.

Insane. Dude. That was good. What what the I get the chances that his dad is also named John in a long line of Johns. Dude, like a normal John on this, I thought it was just gonna be like all our fans, but I love that it's just ball. Just a hardworking man who has to be shit employed. You know I can't believe how how open some people with regular jobs are. About talking about doo-dooing their pants in public places. It's a guy thing. Oh, it's actually that holds all of us together.

Just the long that's the third joke. Jones. Johnita. Okay, that was uh that was an S tier John A tier. That that was an A tier John. That was Yeah, that was good. That was a good combo. Dad seemed awesome, kid was awesome. Just a good family of Johns working on working there. Just keeping the late John moments. I like Daniel Lane. Love it. All right. McNasty, would you like to to pick? Yeah, let's see who we got. I already know who he's picking, bro.

Uh surely it's John applier, right? You love Mark Applier. I do love yeah, I gotta go John Applier. But you pick yours, don't let me sway you. Uh Yeah, got a good gen player. Get him in here. It's good joint player in here. Are you dragging them or I'm dragging him? Alright. Oh, I can drag him. I got him. Hello John. John Oh my gosh. Hold on. How do I do this? Let's get your let's get your camera up.

Oh yeah, that's a John. Yeah, that's a John. That's a John. I see two different American flags in a three foot radius. Oh fucking God! You wanna see something even crazier? Yeah, okay, what else you got? Hold on, on the back. Dude, this guy's fucking this guy's America the fuck up. I fuck with this John's initial vibe. We have like a towel too? Like we got to be.

Yes, I wipe my balls and then I have Well, oh say can you see by the John's early light we have the most American John Yeah, this is the American John. Um I wanna say love the flag, it's a little wrinkly, but that's cool. Love the uh Kentucky ballistics merge as well. Oh is that okay. That's sick. I didn't think you guys would know it. I just thought you guys would make fun of me for it that it says put a thumb in it.

No, I get the vibe, that's tough. I get the I get the I get the I get the the reference. I was thinking about anal, but yeah. I was thinking about shit and butt, but It is it is very clear that you are a patriotic John. You love America, as we can see. That gives that gives you brownie points for me. I I you get some brownie points for that. But Where are you in America where you love the country so much?

You're never gonna guess this. Canada. I live in no, I live in Minnesota. Oh very close, very close. Almost yeah, you're like you're like practice. Canada. You're basically you're basically Canadian. Pretty much. I'm playing. So d do you own guns? Um I'm at college right now, so not here. Probably not the best. Yeah, not a great place to bring a gun. No. Not a good place to bring a gun. No, not the best, no. Okay, what are you studying? Um chemistry. Chemistry. Nice chemist a chemical

Like chemic John. What do you uh what do you wanna do after your you you have your degree in uh is there is it like specialized chemistry or just what do you what's your body? Um Right now I'm just doing basic chemistry major, but I wanna like go into like create medication and or like Try and do something with like ballistics or explosive with chemistry too. I see. So either

You know, I don't even know why we bothered asking that. There's three American flags and like a five foot radius. Of course he wants to blow shit up. That's my go. It's either the most American response. Either either big pharma or fucking rocket. I like that. I like that a lot. This is great. So what was your big inspiration for for chemistry? Was it breaking bad?

Um, no actually. It was a guy named Niall Red. I don't know if you guys know. I love Nile Red, dude. I love Nile I just watch a whole bunch of his stuff and so sick. Yeah. Turn toilet paper into alcohol. Do yeah, the name kinda gives it away. If I was ready, I was gonna come into the ch uh to the this uh VC and I was just gonna go, Hello everybody, my name is John Applier.

But yeah. Yeah, we did well see that's how we gotta get them off guard. You know, we can't let the Johns be too prepared. We have to catch you at your at your most unguarded John moment, you know. Okay. Somebody already said that. I bet they did. I bet they did. Yes.

With the question here, what makes you a standout John? I've answered every John this question, we've gotten completely different responses. So I wanna know what makes you special, what makes you unique, what what makes you uh one of your very own? I don't have the H. The H is wrong. Okay. I don't care. So we just got a J O N J O N. It's a J-O-N. It's not J-O-H-N. Right. The H does not belong there. Is it short for Jonathan? Is it short? No.

It's nice to be a good thing. You're just a J-O-N. Dude, you gotta be a cool guy to have a three-letter name. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's tough. I like that. The what? I'm sorry. We have a cool we have a cool middle name to balance it out. Some people go by like J D or J C or J Z or J P or J G or whatever. My last name starts with K, so I go by JK. JK Are you just kidding? That is so funny. You know how many times have you been? Me when I fucking lie on the goons podcast. Words.

Okay. Um all right, do I think we hand the torch to you. Oh, uh, when's the last time you shit yourself? And or do you have any insane shit stories to share with us? All the Johns have had great poop stories. Somebody just made their dad talk about pooping his pants at work. So you gotta there's a high bar to see high board of pants. In my like Sentient life, this was the first time I actually like had a crazy shit story. Um I was like this was this year. Um I was doing track.

And Oh no. Oh you run. Oh bro. Yeah, I do track. I was running and I was like I don't know if it was because I was sick the week before or if it was just the food at college is just AIDS, but I was running and I literally was supposed to curve. I didn't curve. I went straight into the bathroom and I I'm not gonna lie, I might have missed the toilet a little bit. It got on like the C. As you pull your pants down. John, yeah, I left a John.

This is gonna sound like a scripted, I promise you it's not. I was drinking grandma's ashes, so it was greed. Oh greed. Use COVID! What a plug. I use guns. And he's green of course of course John is green shit gang. Dude, you should have left it on the fucking rim of the toilet and the next person would have thought there was like depleted uranium in there. Like they would have freaked the fuck out.

I talked to the guy one of the guys that like cleans the bathrooms because he's so chill and I was not about to just Every time I look at him like see that he had to clean up clean up my green diarrhea on the No, we gotta start drug testing our track stars. It is this shit.

It is better than, you know, dropping green chemical waste down your leg as you're running tracks. Yeah, at least you made it to the bathroom. That would have been wild if if everyone's got leakage. You know? Yeah. The right area is a good start. Wrong time, right place. So you know, I I Right product.

So if you try to be as good a John as this one, go to gamersubs at G G, use code goons. If you won't shit yourself, it at least should be green. It might be a good thing. Yeah, at least it should be green. It should be a full. And you should be named John while doing it. True. Dry. Is there anything else that you'd like to uh mention or say or shout out or Um Honestly Everyone is in the other GC is just telling people to say fuck Blarg. I don't know why I lost the plot.

What I think it was because I think it's because I think it's because you said eight PM or eight thirty PM. You didn't say like central eastern I said eastern e I said Eastern Standard. I said nine thirty Eastern Standard Time.

I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna tell them all to eat shit and die. Yep, yep. I'm stupid, so I don't know if that was correct. I don't know if there's another time. Hey bro, you're not stupid. You're gonna be fucking you're gonna be blowing off funny little brown guys' legs in like twenty years. You're a smart guy, you know chemistry, so I fuck with you.

I like that. I love that man. W John. A tier John. It was great. Goodbye, John. Thank you for your time. Goodbye. I'm saluting. You can't see me, I swear to fuck. UMC. UM S. Alright, that was uh that was invention. Dude, we're We're killing it with the Johns. Three for three in drive. I would say I would put him a little a little like I would put him at the lower end of A. Yeah, I mean the problem well the problem is E upper B. Maybe upper B

The other John, the first John hit all of our interests. You know, he was kind of bang on, bang on, bang on. The second John was actually two Johns. So how do you not put that in A tier? This guy, great John. Just a good dude. I think that's just a solid B tier John. He has America Loves America, loves gamers. What's better than that?

I bump'em up to A for the green shit story, perfectly. I do like A. The problem is I have a feeling we're gonna have every John in A, which maybe that's a maybe that's a metaphor. It might not get an F tier Johnny. We might get an F tier John. We might get a total stinker John and that's that's the beauty of it, is that we have no idea. Do it is your turn to change. Hold on, I gotta hold on. I gotta go in there. I gotta tell them all to go fuck themselves real quick. Go ahead.

I think we're gonna drag up Sea Shanty. Sea Shanty. Of course is the one Escape John. Yep. I gotta ask. Escape John. All right, I got eaten alive in there. All right, we're dragging up C shanty. Alright. Hey there's a John right there. It took third time's a try. Alright, welcome. We have our John number four. Welcome, John number four to the show. Yeah. I just want to say before we get started.

Thank you for all the content. I've been watching you guys since middle school. Damn That's bad. How old wait how old are you now? I have some fan art. Oh. I wish you didn't. I really wish you didn't. Oh wait, Vlarg. Vlarg, just wait. Yours is coming. Oh boy. Oh Lord. Alright.

Is okay, is that is that do yeah, that's due. That's due. I'm still working on your swagger. I'll get you. Okay, yeah, he's a little more intricate, I get it. But uh I got Blarg. That actually really does look like me. What am I is that a detonator? Yo oh okay. Yeah, no that no, you know what? I I would I would love to lie to you and tell you that then but that's spot on. I can't tell which one's which I don't however I am not Bo.

Yeah. That's pre monoxidal park. Okay, all right. 40 year old bark. That's a tough look. It is very clear that you are an artistic John. How long have you been uh making artists? I think you mispronounced that. So uh honestly, visual art isn't my strong suit. I'm more of a musician. Oh, we got another musician, John. Let's go. What do we play? Oh we got the getter. Knock off Silverburst SG, two hundred dollar Firefly.

Hey, that's okay. Is the head still way too heavy? And if you have it on a strap, it tips all the way down? Oh yeah. Then it's an SG, baby. It's an SG in my book. That's all you need. The way Tony Iomi wanted it. But uh Yeah, uh I might be cheating a little bit. Okay. So my wrestling trainer gave me the name Johnny Role. Oh seriously. I I don't have Twitter.

Then I don't know where you posted this. Was it Discord? I saw someone post about this. It was Discord. It was Discord. I pinged you and asked you. That's all right. That makes sense. Are you a John on a technicality? On a technicality. He's a John adjacent. Now hold on. Is your coach the one who named you John? Is his name John? Does he have the pass? He doesn't reveal his real name. He goes by Billy Warlock.

Nobody knows his real name is the same. So there's just some unnamed guy getting dudes to wrestle with a fake name. You might be getting molested. I'm not gonna lie to you. This is more like WWE show. Oh okay. Y you can look him up, just look up a wrestler Billy Warwick. He looks like a fat version of the singer for Panthers. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Sorry, let me get this straight. Go ahead, sorry. A wrestler named Billy Warlock named you John. Yeah. Johnny the what?

Johnny Rolex. Johnny Rolex. Do you do you wear Rolexes when you wrestle? No, I uh it's kind of it's kind of dumb, but my character is dumb. I'm I'm a c comedic wrestler. Okay. I draw it on my wrist. Oh my character is like a very mentally fucked up Johnny Cage. Yeah, that's okay. I kinda resonate with that. Okay, I don't I don't hate that. That's that's a v

I'll give you a John pass for now. We won't kick you'cause you honestly seem a little exciting. It could be an honorary John. So you then so you wrestle. Like that's your that's your shtick. You like wrestling? Okay. Is there sorry, go ahead. I'm training right now. I haven't had like any official matches outside of the the warehouse. Mm-hmm. But I should be making my debut probably next year. No way. Okay. Sweet dude.

And you're going to Johnny Rolex, that's your advance your thing. Johnny Rolex. It could change, it could change, but right now that's the working name. I'm hoping. You know, I I'm not gonna say anything, but I'm hoping within my five year plan to get onto a WWE tryout. Get myself out of this state. Okay, what state is that? Yeah, what state? Virginia, unfortunately. Virginia So you do meth then, correct?

I'm not gonna say I I'm central Virginia. So uh there is a city near me k can y'all bleep this out. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, a hundred percent. Okay. Editor, editor, editor I live, there is a town that is commonly referred to as Oh dude, I watched a whole fucking YouTube video about that bitch. Yep.

There's like a documentary about that shit. Of course I I know the one you're talking about. Dude, to live in a to live in a city so so wrecked by meth that it has a YouTube documentary is I live thirty minutes away from Liberty. Oh my man. My favorite bit of trivia about that is in the nineties Jerry Falwell, the person that founded it, it's a very Christian college. Yeah. He had a crusade on teletups because he thought it was making kids gay.

And a crusade on teletubbies,'cause it was actually a hundred percent for real making kids gay. We we don't know. I don't know the signs personally. I didn't research it. Dude, of all the things to blame, why tell it to me so these fat little Fucks with T V stomachs are making my kids suck and this guy this guy watched teletub he's got hard and said this needs to be gonna This is a problem. This is a problem.

It's that fucking sun baby, man. You live in Virginia. I am gonna go out on a limit to say that you're not a virgin. What is your love like uh love life like? That is uh For story Z interesting, I charge$29.95 monthly. Okay. So so so this is so it's behind a paywall. It's not too great. All right, okay, so You can find it on the WWE network.

All right. Okay. It's part of the storyline. So the five year plan, we're gonna have we're gonna be hearing about we're gonna look back on this podcast and we're gonna see you on the the big stage. Yeah. I'm gonna shout all of you out. Or maybe I can if I can make it to WrestleMania, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna contact each of you personally be like, Hey, I want you to walk out with me. I want Stone Cold to come out and give Blarg a stunner.

Yo, why am I getting attacked today, dude? What the vibe were saying fuck blog today? Look. I didn't see that I'm contractually obligated to give you the triple middle finger. Holy shit. That's insane. That's so fucking wild. All right, well that's a damn cool John. Um do go ahead with your question. Oh, we we need to know if when the last time it it was that you shit yourself and or if it was during wrestling. Or just any sort of crazy shit story you might have.

I didn't shit myself, but the person I was wrestling. Oh, that might be worse. Somebody's that like their signature boo or that's fucked the only thing worse than your own doo-doo is someone else's doo-doo. You r you're telling me you wrestled the shit at Dude, get this guy in the fucking and That is a way to put it, swagger.

Holy shit. So like what how does that happen? Did he just you like did something cause that or were you just wrestling and you're fucking ejected poop? My finisher is a choke slam backstabber. Where it starts off lifts up, and once they're at the height of'em, I drop down onto my back, bring my knees up. So like say these are my movies. Their back just lands right there.

That's what it looks like. Oh yeah. But really I have'em land like this and just kinda roll'em off. It's very painless if you do it right. Really as soon as they hit the mat. Yeah, as soon as they hit the mat. We just heard that shit rip. Oh you heard it! Oh no! Yeah. Oh Oh so that was an absolute screamer then. They didn't just let out like one nugget, that was a fucking whole ass. That was a intercontinental missile.

Oh hell yeah. That's vile. Okay. Awesome. Hell yeah. So so it's safe to say you won your max. Yeah, do you win by default it when that happens? I was gonna say the guy like applied poison damage to his body. Minus one HP, minus one HP, minager. Uh one on t on a technicality, just like Oh god, that's insane. Okay. All right. Very good, John. This was you were a great John. Okay. That was it was still all right. And thank you for joining.

Pleasure. Thank you for the kind words at the start too. We uh we appreciate that. Any uh closing remarks you want to make to the audience? I just want to say, this might be my best work. Alright, get the fuck out of here. It was a good John. I'm gonna say it was a good John, but he loses points for not really being He's gonna go down the I I'm gonna I'm gonna put him in a low B, a B moose. Yeah, if that was uh

If that was an actual John, that's S tier. It'd be an A. S tier if real John. Yep. Unfortunately we got a we got our first B John of the day. To be a technicality. To be to be named an honorary John by uh the ripper Billy Warlock is actually quite a quite a testament. So like I gotta give him some brownie points there. Yeah. No, plus he made a guy shit himself, so not immediately. That's fucking cool.

I think we should go and grab Big J. Big Just still left. Big J. Big J. John. Oh, we got a Big Just Hello boy. Is that the Ramirez but he's giving him a a booth? Let's see the diggers. Oh yeah. Let's see they let's see they had beautiful, gorgeous Johnny face of yours. Holy fuck, we have our first black John. He's brilliant. Oh there is a musician, John. John musician. John legal. I won't drop my camera around. No.

You okay, John? Is he gonna go right, John? You got it, John. Oh there you go. Oh jump John scare. John. Okay. Hey, he's got the OG fucking merch. He's got the McNasty merch. John. Can you hear us? Dude, this John is one frame per month. John, it's very hard to hear you. Do you have airplanes or anything? I did pick something called my phone.

Is just Spanish? Oh no, there we go. John very poor internet connection. I think that's better, yeah. I think we're good. I think we're good. Can we do now? We're good now. Okay, wait, he's okay. This is John Smith. Yeah, this is John's chill. This is John's chill. All right, hold on. W W jumping. Dude, you look like you're on the set of the Avengers. That you have like the big blue screen in the back. Like you look. I passed it.

That's a that's a b that's a vigorous start from a John. Are you on all four? Oh you're standing. Okay, never mind. Yep. Welcome to the Jonathan. John w What makes you what makes you a standout John? What makes you Interesting. What makes you hold on, sorry. What makes you sorry, Swagger, I don't mean to interrupt you. Can you can you show me the sh full shirt? What is your shirt saying right now?

My thoughts are dirty but my welds are clean. Okay, that's hard. That's hard. That's a tough shirt. Okay. All right, Swagger. Sorry, carry on. I didn't mean to didn't mean to just interrupt. Let's we'll we'll just we'll just go off of uh shake your head yes, shake your head no, and and we'll we'll do like that, okay? Anyway, um

Wow, how do how do I even do a yes or no question here? Are you trying why are we doing yes or no? You just like that vibe? Are you John? It's a little I think it's gonna be a little hard to hear him. No, it's good. He's his audio's fine now. Oh yeah, I'm good. I'm I hear y'all. Yeah. All right, never mind. Yeah, we're we're so back. John, are you a welder or are you a blue collar worker?

I do it on the side. I went to uh trade school for it, but I'm right now I'm an automotive mechanic. But I do it on the side. Oh yeah. Okay. No way. Blue collar drone. That's a hard-working John. It is, it is. Yes, sir. So, what is your favorite core? My favorite car, mm. That's a tough question. John Carr. The John car. Now that that's that's a solid answer. That's too easy.

The John Mobile, probably. Okay. Yeah. Much better. Okay. As as a mechanic, what's your least favorite car to work on? I gotta ask this for me. I was I I have a background in that as well, so that's why I was curious. I'm not a big fan of Europe. BMWs, I can't I like BMWs, but Volkswagen, man. No. Nah, not not big on the Volkswagens, man. Yeah, they did all that horrible stuff uh with the Nazis in the 40s and 50s. You know?

Yeah, it was like a whole like horrible thing. We don't talk about that, bruh. We don't talk about that shit. It would be kind of funny if BMW like head interiors called like fucking like off-switch brown though. I don't know if they should do that. I don't know if they should do that at all. That would be a funny jabe. Oh, I don't know about that.

Uh okay. Uh well that's good to note. How how about do you have any any uh education background? Have you gone to college? Uh did you did you uh get a degree? Yeah, I got a degree in I mean sure it speaks for itself. Yeah but um dirty thoughts. Yeah, I I w I went to a trade school for a couple of years for for a well and then then automotive mechanics. W M M. W Man. You're like a John Doe. You're like every man's John.

Hey, I'm a John of all trades. That's a good John. That's an important John. The world is built on the the backs of those Johns. Look at that. John, John, are you a ladies fan? Do you have a lot of experience? Do you ejonate? He's a weller, he's gotta. Do you ejonulate in women sometimes? That's what I'm asking. All the time, 24-7. Can't get him off me. Okay. You have a do you have a special move that you use?

Do you have anything that makes the ladies go wild for the drink? He just welds their door closed and doesn't let them leave. Yeah, I thought yeah, I w I well I will shut so they can't leave. Dude, would you like to ask him his y ask him the the question? Yeah, well, we've been asking all of the Johns if they have an insane shit story or when the last time they was that they shit themselves. And maybe because I have all time. And maybe maybe if you should weld your ass shut or not. Mm.

Well, the most insane shit story Oh wow. Oh. When I was when I was probably like eleven, twelve years old, I went to like a summer like a summer camp, like during the day at like a rec center. Okay. And we went to a water park, right? Oh no. Oh no, John. I agree. Became a mud park, didn't it? They were like, Hey, what what what what we're gonna stop at we're gonna stop at Taco Bell. Oh, on the way there's a water park, bro. On the way to the water park.

It was over before it started, man. No, yeah, that was it was yeah, it was done as soon as as soon as we stepped off the bus to the Taco Bell. It was over. But uh Yeah, we we went, got got fucking Taco Bell dude, went went there. It was going good, but then about halfway through the day, like ninety degrees, like I my stomach started I start getting bubbled. Oh too? Oh it's bubbling in there. Yeah, I bet you got bubble guts. Oh yeah, dude. I was yeah.

bad. And my buddies I I like I was laid down. Like I was to the point I was just laying down and my buddies were like, nah, come on, we gotta hit the slide one more time like, I don't I don't know, guys. I don't know. And so so th they they forced me to to go on the slides. Went on the slide. It was one at a time, one one at a time.

And I'm like on the verge of shitting like the whole time we're waiting. I'm like, oh my God, it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. We it g it comes up comes to my turn, get on the slide. Halfway down and I just let it rip. I couldn't hold a more dude, you slam your own doo doo. You built like a like a homemade sled a s a snail trail down the side. Do they have to shut down the side after that? Like the whole area?

Dude, I don't th I don't know if I learned the snail trail, but it was like I I I kept it pretty contained. I was like, oh gosh. Oh, if you I mean if you were wearing those meshy uh shorts, it probably just kept the log tight in there. Yeah, that helps. But liquid or long?

It bit both man. Those all the above. Check out all the boxes. It was it was bad. But I got to the b I got to the bottom, I was like, Oh, we're good, we're good. You know, I'm just gonna get out get out of the pool real quick. Hit hit the water, get up. Right dude right in front of me. Floats up to the stone. Oh my god. No dude you A little treat. Oh yeah. You fucking you fucking follow that water park. You probably put them out of business. He just m he made an emergency flotation device.

Grab this turd if you're drowning. Now my final question to you, John, is is John your your your whole name or is it John, Jonathan, Johnny? What's the what's the specific here? Mine mine's a little I wouldn't say unique, but I'm J Jonathan. But mine is spelled J O H N T H O N. You are what we're doing. Holy shit. Holy shit. You're doing some points for that. You get some points for that. John, is there anything else that you'd like to say? Or shout out? Say or shout out.

I want to say a shout out to all the Johns out there. Keep up with the good word. Mm-hmm. Yes, sir. Also want to shout out Vito Gaming. The goat. All right. Clearly. Absolutely the goat. Yeah. Okay. And then two oh no sorry, two I can't count. Three. He didn't go to mass school. Nah shit, I didn't go to school for math, dude. What the hell? In three? Three. Think you mean two. Can I play you something real quick on the on the on the musical instrument? Yeah. The fuck yeah. Oh hell yeah.

There we go. All right. Can't hear a thing. Can't hear it. Can't hear it. He is locked in though. For for the listeners here, he's playing a bass. Oh there he goes for a second. There he goes. In the higher notes. Discord's picking it up. Okay, yeah. It's just because we can't hear it, bro. We can't hear. I bet it was fire. We just heard like gas. We heard like three notes. The audio's just gone. This part is freaking out.

Discord does not want us to hear this bass solo. I think I think we're done. I think we're done. Do we do we had a vote? I think we're done, my friend. Thank you. You were awesome. Wonderful thank you for being a John. Thank you, boys. Thank you. See you, buddy. No We gotta we gotta go every fucking time. S tier June. We gotta keep going here. We gotta keep going. S tier.

High S tier so funny. High S tier for the Android. That was a fucking hilarious John. I love that John. Good John. Good John. He takes they just keep getting better. Yeah. Um let's keep it going. Should we give Beto Gaming a try here?

That was a good he did get shouted out. Should we get the guy he shouted out or did that guy get enough exposure? I think we get him in. I mean all we know about is by now why there must be a reason why he was shame out. All right. Oh my god. Hey, what's up, Laura? Hello. Howdy, howdy.

Uh is my face cam on? Let me No sir. No it is not? Okay. Give me There you are. Oh we got a clear John. We got a boat we got a John camera. John That is a well camera gill. You have one of those like following ones, uh Wait, what? Yeah. John F. Wait, can you try to run away from it real quick? Like as fast as you can? Yeah. Cross it up. That was like Overfield clip. That was fucking crazy. That's wild.

No, the uh welcome when I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do face cam for YouTube, I was like, I'll get something nice. So that's good. Crazy, but dude, I got like a fucking three thousand dollar camera. Don't do that. That's fucking awesome. This was$250. Nice. Money well spent. John, welcome to the Jonathan. Such an expensive camera. You must do s do uh an interesting line of work if if you're able to do a four digit thing.

Uh currently no. I actually lost my job recently. So I've been treating you I've been treating YouTube like a full time job. I've been treating YouTube like a full time job, but it is not a full time job, so Okay, hey, you know, sometimes that's how you gotta get there. You're clearly doing something right because the the John who was just in gave you a shout-out.

Yeah, uh they've they've been hyping me up in the chat. That's that's why that's why you're here. They they show you we had to see what all the hype was about. We heard we heard you were the goat. We heard beat o gaming. Word for word, beato gaming is the goat. So we had to meet the goat. This is like the modern day fucking

Kobe. We got him here on the podcast. B B E G G B O Gaming. B-O Gaming. So Okay, so you you treat YouTube like a full time job. What do you like to upload on there? I imagine gaming content, of course. But what's your I'm a what's your specialty? What's your what's your niche? Uh I'm a funny moments YouTuber. Okay. Pretty much the same world as you guys live in. Okay. Just on a much smaller scale. Hey man, we were all on a small scale one day.

Uh currently not as racist, but that's because I'm primarily a sort of thing. Aspiring aspirations to put into competitive racism. Hey man, shoot for the stars. Dude, it freaks me out that it follows you. I feel like that Holy shit. Holy shit. So you live in the in the west of the South. I'm from South Louisiana, so yeah. So we got a backwood boy. There's a lot of swamps down there. Yes, a lot of swamps.

A lot of b the bayou as it were. A lot of cricks. What do you uh what do you do what do you do for fun down there in in the old south? Uh I up until I lost my job, I was very active in the firearms community. So doing a lot of like comp competition shooting and going to do tactics classes and stuff like that. No way. What did you used to do for work? Uh well I used to be a cop for a while. Um Okay

And you lost And hold on, you're less racist than us? Come on, dude. I see why you lost your job. What the fuck? Yeah, I just didn't meet the quota. I didn't pull enough brown people over. What the fuck? I actually tried to be fair and they hated it. Well hell yeah. Even the black people were like, What the fuck? The cops are like, Go spend time with the goons and come back early. I want you to hate me. How long how long were you a police officer for?

Uh I was there for a year and then I left because I had a health issue that just kind of prohibited me from be able to continue with it. Um From there I worked in the medical industry as it a type of driver that would deliver like cancer medicine for people that have cancer. Okay, a noble John. We'd love to see that. A noble John. That's a very noble John. Very societally beneficial, John. Healer for the colour. I wouldn't say I'm so societally beneficial right now because I'm home all the time.

Hey man, that's that's the ups and downs. That's the break. Yeah. If you're if you're genuinely sitting here thinking McNasty has offered more to the world than you, then you are just fucking Dead wrong. The the fun part was when I'd be driving'cause I was a contractor, so you always use your own vehicle. So you know, sometimes shit would break and whatnot, and you'd be just like, hey, sorry, they ain't getting their medicine today.

Crazy. Sorry, I blew a tire. Just put that kid down. Yeah. Can they make it another day or if not Fuck you. Yeah, go ahead, unplug'em. Yup. Yeah. Yeah, just unplug them. Shave the electricity. You're not gonna do the other thing. That's insane. That's actually crazy. Wow. Yeah. Damn, I'm okay. They did good. A lot of times they'd have backup drivers, but backup drivers would drive like

Like four hours come meet you and then take the medicine. Yeah. That's horrifying. Damn. Okay. That's a stressful ass job. Yeah, but I lost that job recently and also my car broke finally. So I'm like stuck home permanently. Like Which which sucks. I have a wife and two kids and it sucks being stuck home all the time. Yeah. No, they're great. Uh No, did uh swagger did you ask me something? Uh I asked you how old your kids are my daughter is six and my son is three.

Damn, okay dude, good for you. Father John Father John I'm twenty seven. I just turned twenty seven in uh December. Okay. That's true. That is a yeah, just just don't twenty eight. Yeah, at least wait till twenty eight. Yeah, wait till I'm actually in the middle of a tornado warning right now. Like Please evacuate and get super deep inside your house. This is the if you get sucked up by a tornado, we're gonna watch you like the camera's gonna follow you though.

It's gonna track me Just into his lifeless body flying into a fucking field You'll see me get sucked up and I have like five guns from different ARs to different handguns in my vicinity, so you just see guns flying all over. Oh, so this is so this is a John, you know you're like a you're like a a John Wick of sorts. You're just a scrap John. That's a John they don't want to fuck with. Okay, so

Uh outside of y if YouTube let's just pretend that it doesn't go well, what's what's the future for John? What do you wanna is there any career aspirations? What's what's your dream job? If YouTube doesn't work, it's actually to become an editor'cause after spending

After spending, you know, I've been doing YouTube a year now. So I've spent a year in Premiere Pro and have a pretty decent amount of time editing. So if it doesn't work out, I'd like to hopefully get an editing job because I never went to college and the job market in my area is absolutely terrible. Um okay. H hence why I don't have a job. I've I've s put so many applications out and as someone with a wife and two kids I've just have not had any like pitches that are worth anything to

Take care of them. All right. Well hopefully the Goons podcast and and it's It's many employers. I will be embarrassed. If it if my channel grew because of the goons podcast, I'm gonna be partially embarrassed. Not in a bad way, but for the fact that like I joined the the other the little goon chat. And it somehow brought up like YouTube.

And then next thing you know, like I got ten subs just from the freaking game chat. Community I came here. It's about community. I was like, I just want to people. Hell yeah, dude. I love that. That's fucking awesome. Uh okay Sorry, go ahead, Swipe. No, no, no. I was gonna say I was gonna go right to the dude. Yeah, dude, open that twinky little mouth and talk to me. You're being quite I I got you. I got you. And I'm also kinda hard. What the fuck? Uh

I want we need to know you speak slammer in the money. Yeah, we need to know the last time you shit yourself or if you have any insane shit stories. I knew this was coming. Yes, I do. I actually come from a family with a very bad stomach. So you're just my guy. Yeah. So uh like one of the best ones was when I was at at my driving job. Uh I was going through Mobile, Alabama, and there's a tunnel that goes under Mobile. Um

And it's really long and there's bad traffic and I cleared my throat and I shit my pants in my car just clearing my throat. Dude. Yeah, like just It was wet for a reason. Yeah, you like Did you have blues Did you have the cancer stuff with you? Yeah, I had cancer myself. Did that get punished by doodle? Timmy can't get his bedside shit himself. So I still walk through the hospital with shit pants. So good news, guys. Damn. Good news is I have the vials. Bad news

They're brown. Yeah, exactly. What a guy. Uh oh man. Damn. Okay, so you do this one, yeah. Yep. Oh man, that's tough. And then you went to the hospital with doo-doo ass? Yeah. That's a good man right there. That's a man who wants to make sure people. That's a that's an awesome. This is a noble John, man. This is a very noble John. I appreciate it. Okay. Um well, Mr. Uh Beet O Gaming, John, is there any final remarks or things you'd like to say to the Goons audience or us or anyone else?

Um no, thank you guys for having me on and uh I really so they should check out beetle gaming. You guys want to. That's one though it's completely on them. I will not push my channel on another piercing. Okay, now they gotta pretty yeah they gotta come on.

Go check out Beto Gaming. I'll say it for you. Check out Beto Gaming. Are you on YouTube or Twitch too? Do you stream or anything? Uh just YouTube right now. I have two small bits screen. Your streaming's a little bit hard right now. Okay. All right. Check out Beto Gaming on. Later, guys. See ya. See ya. That's a damn fine John. That's just like I like that John a lot. That John we could crack some beers with, hang out, you know, go over things. That's a damn good John. Yep. Big fan. Big fan.

It's good. It's good. That is a very good John. Okay. Um, gentlemen, we got one last John. One more time. The j the the peak of John's. The John's John. John the highest tier John. No way, he's two spinning John JOH! It's a Johns. John Leader means Welcome to the Jonathan. It's cryos gaming from the hit channel cryos gaming. Yeah. Yeah, it's just cryos now, but still close enough. How are you doing, Krays? Welcome to the show.

I'm good. Thank you for having me. I'm glad to be on the Jonathan. I never thought this would happen. Isn't it weird that the only time we've ever like invited you was to be part of the Jonathan? Like we've never just had like you on as a guest. Well maybe if this goes well, he'll get his own episode. That is true. If the viewers like this, John. That's not the John we wanted.

I'm not gonna lie, you got a really tough act to follow. The last John like delivered cancer uh like in treatments to kids and shit. So like was delivering it too. Yeah, he does cancer medication. So you have a big act to follow. That might be true. I do wear John pants frequently. What kind of pants do you got on right now? Just black pants. Oh, those are cool pants right now. I mean they're not that except I like the broom in the background. This cool pants. Okay. Got it. Gotta keep clean.

Is he bringing John? Is that John Burrell? Yeah, let's go over the questions that we kind of touch base with with the others just to kind of give give a little bit of a rubric. A baseline. Number one, is John the full name or is it short for Jonathan? John his full name. John is full name. You're my friend I didn't know. Age? With an eight.

Oh yes, with an H. J O H N. Yep. Certified John. Not one of those J O Nertif. Oh see, so we've actually had a bit of there's actually a bit of turmoil in the John community. There's some beef here in the middle. There was a couple of J O N. I think if you don't have an H it's short for Jonathan at that point. So we actually had just a John. Did we have literally three legs? Just a J O N J O Just a J O N? Yeah. Yep. Weird. He was a low A tier. That feels suspicious. He wasn't low.

You're like you're like dopes right now. We did have a j we did have a John who wasn't actually named John, but it was his wrestling name given to him by the ripper Billy Warlock, who was a professional wrestler. Yeah. Someone with the name Billy Warlock gives just some guy named John. Yeah. Well yeah, Billy Warlock the name Johnny Rollins. Oh. Oh Rolex. I thought you said Warlock. I feel like Warlock would have been kind of a good thing. Oh, Johnny Rolex. Oh, Johnny Rolex. Johnny Johnny Rolex.

was given the name by his Superior Billy Warlock. Johnny Rolex name it's just not that important. Can we move on to I feel I wanna get this straight before we move on. So Billy Rolex No. The ripper the the ripper warlock is a professional wrestler. Are we putting in quotes?

John, it's great to have you. What makes you a stand out, John? What what what are some talents? What are some what are some skills? What are some interesting things that you get up to that put you apart from the Sea of Johns? Um I paint? Mm, could you show that? Hold on. Wait, he made Oh true, true. He made that painting. Does any other Johns have a painting hanging in Matt's room? Nope. Not one other John. They don't. It is a very special John moment. Hey, show him the pillow too.

Oh fuck. Dude, I the fuck is that? It's on the other side of the couch. I'm not moving my camera that way. Never mind. John did I do have a John pillow and a John pant. I make music. I do yeah, I made that thing where all my paintings are. Holy shit. Cool. Yep. I didn't even realize it was paintings. A multi he did landscaping for many years. Yep, but then landscaping for I don't know if that's really a talent, but it's more of like a

Job Skill, I guess. Um What else? I have toilet paper right here. Okay, good. That's a great side. Do you proof there? That's perfect into what When's the last time you shit yourself? Or do you have any crazy shit stories? Or shit somebody else, you dork. When did you shit someone else's pants? John did shit my pants. There was one time I was sitting down to record and I was like, I'll trust this fart. And then I shouldn't have trusted that fart.

And like then I l listen to the recording back and you could definitely hear it was a very wet part and I cut that part out. Like doo do happened, like it definitely happened. Yeah. Yeah. That was like within the past. That's so good. It was bad. I don't know like the exact time frame that happened, but it was like within probably four or five years ago. Damn, okay. You hand with hand a a poopy incident in public?

Alrighty. Would you like freak? I'd like to. Um maybe. We'll see how I feel. Same follow-up. We can make it happen it next week, John. We'll poop each other's pants in Boston. Yeah, that works. I'll be there. Pencil it. Oh yeah. Okay. All right. Uh was that all the John questions? I feel like that was all we asked him. Hey, you could if you have any others that you wanna that you wanna just throw in. Well, I say if we got any more questions, we'll save it for if the viewers deem this John.

worthy of his own episode. I think that we'll leave it up to them. I think we'll leave the ball in their end zone, yeah. Okay. There's probably a ball to you. John, any any closing remarks? Guys, thanks for watching the Goons podcast. I'm sure it's a great podcast. Yeah. I've never listened to it. I'm sure they get up to fun things here, whatever they do. These crazy guys. Also here's a picture of Dew's face. No imagine that you might just have it on your desk with the toilet paper.

Guys, thank you for joining the Jonathan. It took a lot of effort. It was really awesome. And you know, if this goes well, I think we can try to get a bunch of people on whose name is Jack and we can do a jack off. Ooh, that'd be fun. I don't know if YouTube would like that one. Yeah, I don't know. We jacked off the f we jacked off with fans. Like what do we say with that? We jacked off our fans. Man, our fans or fans in a jackal. Jacked you guys off. 18 plus.

Either way. Go to gamersubs.gg, use code Goons for ten percent off your order, get some grandma or grandpa's ashes, and Crusaderade. It'll make your shit grin. It is good. Download on Spotify, like on YouTube, all that. Thanks for listening. Bye.