When we say work life balance as opposed to life work balance, we are subconsciously programming ourselves to prioritize work over life. So work life balance, it's really a term that's not serving us. And the first reframe is clearly life work balance or life work harmony or life work integration, however you want to say it.
Good morning, HR. I'm Mike Coffey, president of Imperative, bulletproof background checks with fast and friendly service. And this is the podcast where I talk to business leaders about bringing people together to create value for shareholders, customers, and the community. I'm joined today by Sam Cabert. Sam is an expert in subconscious reprogramming, nervous system regulation, and breath work integration.
As a successful entrepreneur turned mental wellness coach, he's helped high performing leaders break free from burnout, stress, and emotional roadblocks. Sam is one of the keynote speakers for the North Texas SHRM Annual Conference on April. Welcome to Good Morning HR, Sam.
Mike, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here with you.
So your presentation at the North Texas Charmanual Conference is soul life balance trying breathe to overcome stress and anxiety and breathe is an acronym. Can you start by explaining the idea behind soul life balance especially to that listener who thinks that already sounds a little bit too woo for for the business conference?
Yeah, absolutely for sure. So I was named to Silicon Valley's 40 under 40 list at just 31 years old and that's a list of being top 40 most influential people under 40 years old and I mean to be named to that list at 31 was a huge honor, it was a big goal of mine. I also hit million dollars in sales in my business and was working less than four hours a day. So I say all of that just to illustrate a point that I had what is the perceived notion of work life balance. Work life balance.
Right? I had financial freedom. I could work when I want to do when I want to work. And yet, I was deeply, deeply depressed and numb after achieving those goals. So I talked about this in a TED talk I did in 02/2024.
And basically, in deep introspection, really surrendering to those thoughts and feelings that were were coming up, I heard the message of soul life balance rather than work life balance. And I didn't know much, what to do with that until I went deeper and started to learn more. The easiest way to think about it is looking at the archetypal energies of the yin and yang or yang. Because we're all familiar with that symbol, yet we don't necessarily totally understand what it means or what it represents. So I break it down like this.
The yang is the light side of the symbol, the white side, and the yin is the dark side. Yang represents how we perceive the world. How we move through the world with, our five senses, obligations, responsibilities. The yin is our inner world, which is made up of our mental and emotional state. So now that we understand those energies, we can apply them to work life balance and see that both work and life require those yang energies.
And we need both. So I believe the number one reason why especially business professionals are facing this mental and emotional health crisis, the epidemic of it, is because we're disconnected from our inner world of our mental and emotional state. So when I say soul life balance, what I'm referring to with soul is the yin energy of our inner world of mental and emotional health while life is the outer world responsibilities, obligations, all those things including life and work.
So what's the difference between yin, which is kind of a term we know from Eastern philosophy and what we normally hear in in the West would just call wellness or well-being?
Well, like I was explaining earlier, we're looking at as yin being the inner world of mental and emotional health. That's what it is right there. And a lot of times in corporate structures or when we talk about wellness, we're just checking the boxes. We're just going through it. For example, I did a presentation last year teaching the six step breath process, which as you mentioned is an acronym.
And it goes along with my number one best selling book called Overcome the Overwhelm. So in this presentation, I'm talking about overcoming overwhelm was which is clearly a feeling. And I had, someone in the audience ask me after the presentation. She said, you talked a lot about feelings, but the thing is feelings don't have an intelligence. What do you have to say about that?
And that question alone goes to show how disconnected we are from our inner world and how much we think that we're not feeling yet in our and we're always talking about our feelings. We'll say, oh, I feel this way. I feel that way. But they don't have an intelligence. Let's think about this.
What is emotional intelligence then? So I think there's a big misunderstanding of what wellness actually is, especially in the corporate world. And the best way we can get in touch with our mental and emotional health is through learning how to regulate our nervous system, which we can do through breath work.
That's an interesting take on on feelings because I've got a mindfulness practice and the way I've always addressed feelings, especially uncomfortable feelings or feelings that don't really serve me is to approach them and just acknowledge them, recognize that that's what they are and then intentionally I guess set those aside and focus on what what what else could be true or what else is is really going on. I think like you said, the breath work, focusing on my breathing, controlling where my thoughts lead me, bringing them back to center, those kind of things. So, say a little bit more. I mean, I don't wanna for our listeners, I don't wanna get too woo, but I'm really interested now in in what you're saying about feelings and the and the the tie back to what we consider emotional intelligence and how the power our feelings have over us.
Yeah. I mean, none of this is quote unquote woo or woo woo or esoteric or spiritual or anything. This is grounded science. Doctor Jill Bolte Taylor, are you familiar with her work?
I'm not.
So she was on the main TED stage, not TEDx, the main TED stage in 02/2008. And her TED Talk blew up TED. That's what really made TED the organization so famous. Doctor Jill Bolte Taylor went on to be named to one of Time's most influential people in 02/2008. She's a neuroanatomist, meaning that she studies the brain.
She literally brought a brain on stage with the spinal cord, and she explained the ninety second rule. That our body has a ninety second physiological response when we experience an emotion. And what that means is if to your point, like allowing yourself to recognize these feelings, getting curious and sitting with them. If you do that, what's called shadow work, which is a term coined by the psychologist, the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, which means to make the unconscious to conscious awareness. Because our unconscious mind makes up 95% of our awareness.
That's everything we don't have access to. So most of our awareness, we don't even know what's going on. So if you do this shadow work and you allow yourself to feel those feelings coming up to the surface, then you can move through them in as little as ninety seconds. Yet, the question I get most often is, well, okay. If we can process our emotions in as little as a minute and a half, two minutes, whatever, how come I'm still feeling this way afterwards?
So when I had doctor Jill Bolte Taylor on my podcast called Soul Seeker, which is a little bit more of a woo title. Right? But when I had her on the pod, I asked her that very question. And she said, well, it's because you're not allowing yourself to feel those emotions, so it starts a new ninety second cycle and you're get caught and you're getting caught in that loop. So if I were to use more like woo language, I would say, hey emotions are energy and motion.
Which is something I say, but it's also like knowing who your audience is. And if I tell you the ninety second rule that's is saying, oh wow, it's not just this cute saying that the root meaning of emotions is energy in motion. That's actually backed by science and here's a neuroanatomist that told us this back in 02/2008 that was named to times 100 most influential people. Yet when I went through my breath work certificate training, my yoga instructor training, and all these different trainings, NLP master practitioner training, all Reiki, all of these things, and even grounded personal development as well. No one ever talks about the ninety second rule, which is why I'm so passionate about teaching the ninety second rule because all of this is based in science and when we use science then we don't get met with like, oh, that sounds a little woo, you know what I mean?
So so dive more into that ninety second rule then. I somebody says something to annoy me in a meeting and my first response is to grind them down or or or to act in a defensive way or whatever. How do I use this ninety second rule to prevent myself from doing that and from carrying that on in throughout the rest of my day?
Yeah, it's a great question Mike. And when I speak to first responders, one the things I talk about a lot is compartmentalization. And you kind of alluded to this earlier. And I'll I'm just going to bring that up now so both of us remember to touch on compartmentalization later on because that's an important piece of it. But the breath process, the word breath broken down into an acronym is what I'll be teaching at the conference and it's the framework as well for my book, Overcome the Overwhelm.
And this was born from the most challenging time in my life when I I thought my life was going so smooth. I was doing all this work then it totally imploded and then I need something to not only help me zoom out and look at my life and do the quote unquote shadow work, but also process those triggers in real time. And I'd already known about this ninety second rule but I was like, okay. I understand to your point, like I understand science teaches this but what do I do in those ninety seconds? So the word breath is broken down into six steps.
There's six letters in the word, and it's most easily summarized with three simple themes. First, breathe, feel, then think intentionally. So I'll walk you through it. The first step of the breath process is like, oh, I'm feeling something rising to the surface. Right? My body's getting heated. I'm starting to get agitated. I'm starting to get it feels like I just had espresso shot, whatever it is. Okay. Let me breathe to slow down.
Let me connect with my breath. That's the be in the breath process. R. Relax. Let me relax into this so I allow myself to feel because usually when those triggers happen, we go into unconscious patterns and more than anything, we're disassociating.
So we wanna do the opposite of what we've been conditioned to do and actually relax into it, so we feel safe enough to feel what's coming to the surface. Energy to reveal. That's the third one. If emotions are energy in motion, then this energy that's coming up, what is it revealing to me? That's when I get curious.
That's when I start to lean in and do the shadow work. Four, accept to surrender. That's the a in the breath process. Because often times what comes up in the third step of asking questions is like, oh no, I don't want to see that. I don't want whatever it is.
So we have to accept it. And this is the movement of toxic positivity. Because toxic positivity will say, hey, never entertain a negative thought or feeling. Whereas, we're doing the opposite being like, no, no, no. We're doing this deep work even though it feels uncomfortable.
And at that point, we've earned the right to transform that negativity into an empowering belief. That's the fifth step, the T in breath. Transform into an empowering belief. So it's just an I am statement. Finally, H, habits to integrate.
As a result of what came up, what new habits, actions, behaviors am I going to take? If I'm in a meeting or if you're in a meeting with someone and you're feeling agitated, you're not going to be able to run through those six steps and just be like, hey, time out. Time out. I need to work on me. Go through this real quick.
Which is why we need to practice this on our own, so it becomes autopilot when we get triggered. It's like, oh, I feel that right now. Instead of reacting, I'm gonna respond. One of the things I teach people that I'm so passionate about is what I call the ninja breath. And the ninja breath is based off the cyclic sigh.
Again, science. Stanford's lab did a study to compare what would be the most efficient way to regulate your nervous system into rest and digest to overcome stress and anxiety in real time and have impacting effects throughout the rest of the day. And what they found is that cyclic that the cyclic sigh is more effective than anything else. It's just a big inhale up through the nose, sipping in a bit more air at the top, then exhaling through the mouth. So I call the ninja breath the same thing as that but just a subtle inhale through the nose, inhaling all the way up, sipping in a bit more air at the top and exhaling through the nose versus the mouth.
And you could even practice that right now Mike or the listeners as well. And the more you start to practice that, if you're just focusing on your inhale, you inhale all the way up through the nose, sip in a bit more at the top, and then through the nose just subtly exhale. You can do I call it the ninja breath because imagine you're in conversation with someone else and you're thinking about what you're going to say next. You you wouldn't want to be like overdramatic and exhale through the mouth and this whole thing like just subtly focusing on your breath. And when you do that, those thoughts start to slow down.
You start to make the unconscious to conscious awareness, and you're retraining your nervous system to be in an ongoing state in rest and digest so that when those triggers come up, you go, hey, I'm feeling triggered right now. And instead of reacting, you choose to respond.
So, yeah. That's what in my yoga practice I would call Ujjayi Pranayama. Right? Is it is is there are you approaching that differently than the idea of,
you know,
the deep inhale, hold it, and then that that controlled release? Is is is that the same thing that we would talk about when we're talking about a Ujjayi Pranayama or something like that in the yoga practice?
Not necessarily because as you know, Ujjayi breath is more that ocean wave sound at the back. You're not doing anything like that. Ujjayi doesn't necessarily have a hold. It's more rhythmic. This is called the physiological sigh.
What, doctor Andrew Huberman's lab found is that we naturally do this physiological sigh when we feel a little bit of stress or whatever it is. So I said, hey, like what happens if we did this continuously? And that's why they call it the cyclic sigh cycle. Continuously doing it. So it is different than that.
Typically when I cue this in my breath work sessions, I'll do an inhale through the nose all the way up, sipping a bit more at the top, and then I'll have the students hold for a few seconds. And those few seconds of the breath hold as you likely know will get us into more of a hypo, transient hypofrontality type feeling where the default the frontal prefrontal cortex I should say starts to turn off which is our thinking brain so that we can go from our thinking brain to our feeling brain which is the limbic brain.
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That's b r e a t h. And if you're looking for even more recertification credit, check out the webinars page at imperativeinfo.com. And now back to my conversation with Sam Cabert. So let's talk about that. Okay.
So in so on an individual basis, right, these these are practices that we can adopt and, you know, manage our world, our lives better, definitely be better, you know, coworkers, community members, family members, all of those things. Make the business case for me then for a business leader that this is something important that that as a business we should focus on, when we're talking about what we're going to offer our employees as far as as wellness and well-being, offerings.
Have you ever watched the show Severance, Mike?
I haven't. My family has and I watch so little TV I I gotta block off a bunch of times so I can catch it because everybody tells me it's amazing.
Yeah. It's funny. I was big on Severance when it first came out and then whatever it was, the writer's block or you know, lockdowns, pandemic, whatever it was, I think they took a few years hiatus and now it's like blown up and I think it's just the second season now. But when I first started giving Soul Life Balance presentations, I would bring up Severance and back then, I mean, the show was still on Apple and it was still produced by Ben Stiller and all the things yada yada yada, but it doesn't have like the popularity it has now. But back then, what I would say is in this show Severance, they literally have a medical procedure where when they go to work, they know nothing about their personal life and when they're in their personal lives, they know nothing about work.
So I would make the case then, can we now see that we don't have a personal life and we don't have a work life unless you are a character in severance that had this medical procedure. Right? You know, it's funny because a lot of the business demographic really love severance it seems like and it's like, you guys, don't you see this? Like there is no difference between our personal and business life. The reason why I bring that up because you're you mentioned like, oh I see the case in my personal life with my family but what's what's the case for our business life?
You know and how we show up and work? It's the same thing. You know and especially when I'm working with first responders like they really have a separation between personal and work life. Right? And it arguably, it makes a little bit more sense than the everyday professional.
But the point being is if we can process how we're feeling and show up with confidence, clarity, enter into these flow states, not drag that stuff from our quote unquote personal life into the work life. Just as much as it's important to not drag that into quote unquote the personal life. Like they they they're intertwined. Another thing I've been doing for over ten years is the acronym called WIFL. And I learned this at a conference in a business setting back in like 2013 or something.
But WIFL stands for what I feel like expressing. So at the time, I mean I was probably like 25 years old or something like that and going to office supply conference and you know back then it was everything was way more professional than it is these days. And that's where I learned Wiffle. What I feel like expressing. And the idea was starting a meeting with this Wiffle where if I am in a typical business meeting and and there's someone that seems a little distracted, we have no idea what is going on in that person's life.
So the WIFL is opening up the space saying like, hey, if you were a little stressed getting the kids to to school this morning or you just got some bad news or you're feeling anxiety about something later on the day. This is an opportunity to have a safe space in a business setting to express yourself so that everyone else isn't like, hey, what's going on with Sherry? Like why is Sherry seem like she's in the mood or whoever it is. Right? It gives them an opportunity and that creates a culture of psychological safety, feeling seen and all that.
So even the WIFL you know that's something I've been using for over ten years and that that makes a huge impact in the corporate environment.
I'm part of a peer group, you're probably familiar with it, EO, entrepreneurs organization. And we start all our our small group meeting, our our peer group meetings, with, one of the questions is, is there anything that would stop you from being fully present in in in the next four hours? These are extended meetings. And it's think that's the same kind of thing, right? You know, and and certainly sometimes somebody will say something and that becomes our priority as a group, you know, trying to hold somebody up rather than whatever our other agenda was.
So you mentioned Wiffle. What other kind of practices could could a leader then incorporate into the the business environment in order to promote this soul life balance?
Yeah. I mean my big thing is teaching the breath process, the breath framework. You know soul life balance is a way of viewing our lives where it's not necessarily focused on end destination. Because when we talk about work life balance, usually we're seeing it as one day I will get to this end destination. Soul life balance is more about practice.
Additionally, we can look at common terms, and usually the letter that's closer to the A would be the first word in that phrase. So for example, the L in life is closer to an A versus a W being closer to Z. If we really cared about people's mental health, we wouldn't say work life balance for that reason. Additionally, when we say work life balance as opposed to life work balance, We are subconsciously programming ourselves to prioritize work over life. So work life balance is really just, it's it's kind of like, oh let's just, put this out there or check the box like we're doing the thing but it's really a term that's not serving us.
And the first reframe is clearly life work balance or life work harmony or life work integration, however you want to say it. And if you want to go soul life balance, that's cool, but you know I'm not trying to be like, oh, this is the way. It's the people that are into it are into it. That's great. But the breath framework is a way that we can learn to regulate our thoughts and our feelings, our nervous system really, so that we can show up fully.
So what I have is something called the breath club. It's a completely free online community where every single week I have people coming into these Zoom sessions where I'm leading them through breath work. And most of the people showing up are executives, they're entrepreneurs, they're business professionals, they're not your typical like woo type person that's just wanting to you know get blast off and have like a DMT type experience through their breath. No. The type of breath work I lead is like landing in your body so that you can feel what's coming up to the surface.
So that you can process it. So you don't have that lingering. And when we take care of ourselves, we're able to co regulate with other people around us. So the biggest thing I can encourage people to do is to find what works for you. And the best thing we can do whether it's a diet, exercise, new habits and routines is starting off in the morning.
But especially with breath work. If you can just take a couple of minutes when you wake up in the morning, or just three deep breaths, that's a start. Just checking in with yourself. How am I feeling in this moment? How do I want to set the tone for today?
And continuously, I hear from my clients, people I work with, and experience it for myself. When I start my day first thing in morning with breath work, then everything else falls into place. When that trigger situation comes up, I've already started off the tone of being like, I'm landed in my body. I'm feeling what's coming in the surface, and I'm going to process it. So that's the best thing a leader can do so that they can show up for themselves than everyone around them.
So a leader should model that and probably it's not very effective once they've adopted the practice of, you know, they kinda need to share it I guess with with their with their teams and what what the value they found in it. Is that what you'd suggest or I mean, I'm a I'm a I'm very hesitant, I'm always hesitant. I tell people, you know, once you adopt in any new practice or whatever, keep it to yourself until it's really become ingrained in how you live and and, you know, it it's you know, you've seen the efficacy of it and it's changed your behavior and let people notice the behavior change before you start telling them what caused it. But I'd be curious what your take is if I if I'm a leader and I'm I'm experiencing this and I I need to model, you know, I want I want to introduce it to my people, how do you approach that?
Yeah. I mean, I literally said the exact same thing in my own words on stage at Sherm Talent in Nashville. I said, hey, you know, like come to these breath work sessions, come to the breath club, experience it for yourself and when you see the differences then go and share it with your team. Same thing.
Yeah. When the rest of your your presentation, you're you're talking about Soul Life Balance, you're talking about the b r e a t h method that you've got. What's one other takeaway that audiences can look forward to hearing and to learning, from from your presentation?
Yeah, think we've covered a lot of ground so far. The ninja breath is absolutely a massive, takeaway if you take anything away from this at all, just focusing on your breath right now and noticing how that calms everything down and taking that with you, like that is one of the things that's going to be more impactful than anything else. Many people at this point are familiar with the subconscious mind making up 95% of our awareness. As I mentioned earlier, what's not necessarily as common for a lot of folks is that in any given moment we are processing over 2,000,000 bits of information and only 126 of those make it to our conscious awareness. It's basically another way of framing the 95% subconscious versus 5% conscious.
And the way that comes through is through deletion, distortion, and generalization. So there's a lot of lessons around the subconscious mind. My whole thing is there's a lot of people that talk about the subconscious mind, which is the language of the mind. And there's a lot of people who talk about the nervous system, which is the language of the body. But I bring the two together so that you can learn how regulate your nervous system, the body, along with reframing and understanding what's going on through your mind and all of that's here, the breath process.
And you wanted to make sure we got back to compartmentalization and and my thought when you were talking about first responders, you know, trying to comp compartmentalize that or any of us is the same it's the same thing I've always thought about any kind of work slash life or life slash work balance. Work is part of life. I mean, you know, if if you're going to work all day that's affecting your that's part of your life. That's part of the the sixteen hours of awake and, you know, and twenty four hours in a day that you get. And I think about those compartmentalizations like buckets, they're gonna be splashing into each other all all day long and so, you know, I'm I'm curious to to hear more about what's your take on do we decompartmentalize or or how do you what's your approach?
How do you you know, what do you advise there?
Yeah. I'm really not a fan of compartmentalization so thanks for bringing that back. What happens is like that scenario you brought up earlier where if you're feeling triggered, you're in a business environment or whatever it is, it could be with a spouse, a loved one, whatever it is, and you don't have the ability to move through it in real time, what the breath process can do for you is to go unpack that before you drift to sleep at night. Because most of us are like, oh, you know, unconscious level meaning real we don't even realize we're doing it, but we are able to process it. So what compartmentalization is, it's like putting in a box up on a shelf in the mine, wrapping it up with the bow, and then it just collects dust.
And then it lingers and it lingers and it lingers. So using the breath process before you go to sleep, you can kind of go through your day and be like, okay, what what I experienced today? Oh, there was that, there was this. Okay, let me let me go through all these steps so that you can move through it. Because I I go deep in the woo.
I go deep in the spiritual stuff for sure and I do my best to teach what I'm teaching now and explain it in a very grounded type of way. But when I am going deeper like say leading a breath work journey, which is breathing nonstop for say an hour or so. You can literally feel reborn after that experience. I know I did and many people I've facilitated and know as well. And what happens there is not only are you processing unprocessed trauma, but all the the these boxes of compartmentalization that never got actually opened up and processed.
So if we utilize the breath process, we don't have to carry all that energy with us and we can move through it in real time. Which is why like, I'm such a fan of the breath process because it's literally a roadmap of how I move through these things. It's nothing new. It's very similar to what everyone else is talking about. Whether it be Doctor Joe Dispenza, NLP, neuro linguistic programming, Tony Robbins, or any of this.
It's just giving it an accessible road map. Because when I went down all these different rabbit holes of all these teachers and all the things I learned, I never had a tangible roadmap that made sense to me. So I built this as simple as possible so that we can really take it utilize it in our everyday life.
Well, that's great. And it's funny that I I was just introduced to that concept of revisiting those things before you go to sleep and I'm almost convinced. I think it was a Huberman Lab podcast about sleep and the disruptors of sleep and how if we can review the things that that were an irritation, that were a problem, that were a worry and, you know, give them their voice, you know, in an orderly way before you go to bed at night before you sleep. It affects your it improves your sleep through the night. And I was actually kinda skeptical to hear that just because my tendency is to probably compartmentalize too much and to say, okay, I do not, you know, I I know if I feed this thing right now before I go to bed, it's gonna, you know, pester me all night.
And so, it's interesting that twice in the last week probably I've I've I've had this advice handed to me, so maybe I do need to pay some attention to it.
Well, the funny thing there real quick is like we can look at that from the reticular activating system, which is a piece in the brain, the RAS, that brings that more into your field and awareness and that's not using woo language. Or if I want to put my woo hat on, I'm like, oh, well there's the synchronicities where you're being called to look at something. And that's the lens of soul life balance for me because I don't want to go too far of like the woo woo of being like, oh, it's all sign. It's all like perfect. And I don't want to go too far on the life side where I become disconnected from the magic of the world.
So that's really like the essence of soul life balance just because you brought that up. And one more thing real quick. What you mentioned about you don't want to drift off to sleep like feeling those things, which is exactly why the fifth step of the breath process is to transform it into an empowering belief. Right? Because a lot of times these things get stuck either in not processing the toxic positivity or get stuck in the shadow work where it's not being alchemized to use a woo word or in grounded language transform it into something that is feeling more empowered.
So like I said, like Huberman is very much referenced in my book, Overcome the Overwhelm, Things I Teach. I'm taking concepts out there that a lot of the most respected teachers that are grounded in science are teaching and putting them into a framework where it's like now I heard that thing, but I can actually integrate it into my life.
That's great. And it's all the time we have. If you want to hear more, join us at the North Texas SHRM Annual Conference on April. You can register for that at ntxshrm.0rg. Thanks for joining me today, Sam.
Thanks, Mike.
And thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please write us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you're listening. And share this episode on your favorite social platform. It helps us reach more listeners. And we'd love to hear your thoughts at goodmorninghr.com.
Thank you to our technical producer, Rob Upchurch, and to Imperative's marketing coordinator, Mary Ann Hernandez, who keeps the trains running on time. And I'm Mike Coffey. As always, don't hesitate to reach out if I can be of service to you personally or professionally. I'll see you next week, and until then, be well, do good, and keep your chin up.