Hey, welcome to the Good Girls podcast, and today we're talking about love. Languages. Usual disclaimer, if you are driving with your father-in-law, you might want to turn it off because even those love languages and that sounds soft, we might accidentally say some things that you're uncomfortable hearing. Some people's love language is a deep digging. And if you have a daddy kink and you're driving with your father-in-law to fulfill your daddy kink, then you know what?
Continue listening. Maybe you'll learn. Wait. I'm sorry, good girls. Can I just take a quick deviation here that if you are wondering why Kay always begins the podcast by warning you about your father-in-law being in the car. Not that she has a kink for her actual father-in-law, but she does have a. Real life daddy kink. Figurative father-in-law kink because because this is the kind
of relationship we have. She sent me one of her favorite pornos and it is a daddy in law, a kind of situation where she cheated. You've ever seen Stephen St. Qua, a male porn star and his little boomerang Penny. Then you understand that it's not really a father-in-law thing, it's something about. Stephen St. Yeah, he's just the way. That he runs the Yeah, he runs a room. He's got little man boobies. He's great. OK, you and you hyped up the Man movies. I was picturing somebody with a
way more doughy physique. I mean his is a is a highly curved penis, but other than that I think he's very attractive for his age. He's got the nice like gruff, like I'm in charge here and I'm going to show you what you're worth. Anyway, so that if that hasn't significant, if that has not scared off everybody who was listening to this with you, let's jump in and talk about
love languages. Woo Hoo. So want to start off before we get heavily into love languages with this amazing study by Heyman and colleagues. Published in 2010, journal Family Psychology looked at 453 couples with a child aged 3 to 7 and surveyed them on the areas of desired change in their partners. And they found women, compared with men, wanted greater increases in their partners, emotional and compassionate behaviors and, no surprise, instrumental support.
So support around the household and parenting involvement. And men wanted more sex, more sex. They wanted more attention to their sexual needs. They wanted more sexual relationships. You know, men, I just have a little cheat code here. Maybe if you help the woman with those other things, then they would want more sex with you. Yeah.
This really so our favorite place to do research besides scholarly articles is Reddit. And so I was skimming through kind of people who had previously posted the question of what is your love language and just the number of men who answered it. Blowjobs. Yeah. And yeah, you're wondering why your wife doesn't give you more blowjobs, man. Here is a reason why. So SJ lead us into what are the
five love languages? All right, Well, actually I would like to start with a little bit of background about the book. This is an interesting one because I think that this has become such a pop culture phenomenon and the number of people who talk about love languages, especially just like how much it's become a meme now, right? Like people are like, my love language is bagels, my love language is cat pictures. Versus the number of people who have read this book.
In this case, I would actually say that that's probably a good thing. The book is utter trash. And I don't know. OK, Have you? What is your experience with the love languages beyond Internet memes? So I don't want to put up this episode because I still think it's very, very worthwhile discussing and it provides a nice framework to think about
things. But I think that the science of the love languages and the idea that you only have one love language and then you need to make sure your partner matches up with you is da da, da, da trash. And that's partially because Gary does trash, trash. He is a PhD of adult education. So he does. From like a seminary, and this is somebody with a seminary degree like I do not, that does not make me qualified to be a
couples counselor. I think that the love languages are still highly useful to explore because they kind of provide a framework for talking about things that you're feeling or lacking with your partner and all these different. So I want to say that they're trash, but I also want to say that I'm excited to talk about them. You and I feel exactly the same way. So we can eliminate the debate portion of our of our agenda for today. I feel very much the same way.
I think that it sparks a helpful conversation. We've even had this conversation in my own marriage. I don't think that we have to be limited to Gary Chapman's 5 languages which we will get into are very arbitrary and also somewhat overlapping. And also, yeah, if your if your knowledge of it came from the book and not just random one line Internet posts, first of all, you wasted a lot of time because you can learn basically all the concepts you need to. And I would say like half a podcast.
So we'll spend less than half of the podcast today talking about what they're actually about and then spend the rest of the podcast either trashing the book or talking about how we apply this in our own lives. The basic take away is to just communicate and pay attention to the way that other people receive love. And I think that that's one helpful take away from the book is that the book is really about paying attention to what your partner's love language is.
Where is like the Internet mimification version is people saying like my love language is like you bringing me breakfast and things like that. So yeah, the original book. So there's two versions of the book. There's the original published in 1992, and that was when Jerry, Jerry Gary Chapman was Gerber was talking to a largely Christian audience. This is this really resonates with the podcast because this is a great like Christian
communications thing. Like, if you grew up in the Christian world, this is probably the sort of thing that your parents were reading. And I think people get it in pre Cana, that's where they hear about the. Law. Yeah, yeah, that's, I think it's a popular one to hand out for that, which I will remind you is just like I was saying, like seminary does not qualify you to
be a couples counselor. At best in the Protestant world, you are getting marriage counseling from a vaguely non certified layperson in the context of psychology. In the Catholic version, you are getting marital advice from a celibate person, right? Yes, who also is likely biased towards whichever person's family is belonging to that church. And so they're like, you are so lucky to marry Adam. You know, Adam is a member of
all that. So I'm gonna ask you all these questions and then meanwhile, Adam's over there and doesn't get any questions. I'm not speaking for any personal stories, obviously. Obviously. So, yeah. So he originally publishes for this very like norm core trad core kind of audience. And then it's republished in 2014 and that's the version probably most people know and have seen. But it is still he is just largely talking to hetero trad
couples. There's basically no mention of non hetero couples seems like from other things that he's written. And believe me, he had opportunities because this is a whole like he just got on the love languages gravy train with this book. There is love languages for children, for teenagers, for parents, for parents of kids with disabilities, love languages for men, not love languages for women, which we'll get into that just like everything under the sun.
So if he wanted to speak to like how it would be maybe adjusted for LGBT couples, he could have, but he's kind of more in the like, don't ask, don't tell. But basically this original version, I think that they had him like clean up a little bit of his like gender norm language and in. Yeah, exactly. So we have like these like checklist kind of things of like how to do the different love
languages. And it would be very like men, if your love, like if your wife's love language is acts of service, then you can like help her with the laundry. And then women, it's like if your man likes acts of service, you can do his laundry, things like that. And also I will say, Kay, you would be very disappointed. This book was first certified good girls trademark only the
wifeys do not care for sex. And so really this whole book came off to me as like a manual for dumb fucking husbands who like, can't figure out for shit why they're wisely basically what you were saying in the beginning. Why doesn't my wife want to have sex with me? I don't do any housework and I don't help with my kids and and all that and that is not my there's like a. Story in there that's like he has all these like advice columns which I think that he like writes it seems like he
writes them himself. They're not like actual letters to him of like a guy that like went and played softball while his wife was having a baby. And then he's like, why is my wife so Moby all the time? So really, I think that his core audience and why there's a love languages for men book but not a love languages for women book is certainly. We're starting from the bottom. We are like.
The women are so socialized to just be attuned to this shit already that we didn't really need a book doing it. But I think that he assumes that like all of the dumb husbands out there are like husbands. If your wife does not think that like a deep digging is her love language, then buy her some. Flowers, Is it not your love language? So gender normative that he does not allow for the possibility that maybe a deep digging is your wife's love language.
So there's very like with the physical touch one, it's very masculine gendered. And the examples of women who go for the physical touch is like she maybe she wants to cuddle. And yeah, on the other side it's like maybe your wife should blow
you. But he doesn't say that because he's Christian. So just like a funny kind of side note is that I was looking into the physical touch element, which obviously there's a lot of research to support that physical touch is a great love language, for lack of a better word, but just a way to increase a feeling between you and your partner. Oxytocin. Yeah, yeah, it lowers. Your heart rate, your blood pressure, like when you touch your partner, your eyes are on
the same wavelength. But a funny thing is that I saw Masters and Johnson, pioneers of the modern sex therapy movement, used to encourage their couples to do non sexual touches more often and that would lead them to be more sexually interested. And I was like Masters and Johnson somewhat rings the bell, but I can't really think of it. But if they're leaders of the modern sex therapy movement, obviously I want to look into
them. And it turns out, and you probably already know this from your page, they're like the conversion therapy people they're. Like friendly? People who are gay and I can just have them touch their their the other sex and then they're going to be changed. And we already know because we are stuck in our straight relationships, that is not possible. Again, if I could be with a woman, I would. That sounds delightful to me. Yeah, disappointing. Yes. OK. So the five level languages.
So with that disclaimer, we will get. Jason Johnson had to make an appearance. Yeah, yeah. With that disclaimer, we will get into naming what they are just because I feel like it's helpful to hear. And yeah, as you hear them, you might be like, isn't this one kind of similar to the other one? And the answer? Is don't ask questions, Yeah, first. Of all, don't ask questions. Gerber has made millions, if not more, off of the judge. It's based up of how much money
Gary has made. Yeah, exactly. That's how we are in the year of our Lord 2025. This is how all things are judged is would Elon Musk want to invest in it? Great. So, Kay, you were going to jump in with some examples of where each of these love languages. So there's words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Now we're going to go back and start off with examples, words of affirmation. SJ, you look great today in your overalls. Have I told you that?
And you are such a good Co host. That is an example of awards of affirmation. And there's studies showing that in case you don't have a partner, you can also just tell these to yourself. And as long as it's coming from somewhere and you feel like you believe it, it really does help yourself esteem your confidence, all those things. Yeah, I look at my partner. I try to tell him you are a good man, be a good boy, yeah. Go touch me. You're a. Very, very good boy and.
Then you walk him like a dog, like. Sabrina Carpenter Yeah. I pet his head a little bit, and that's when I get into my physical touch. Also, just a quick side note that I actually love that Sabrina Carpenter picture of her with a guy because you know what she said about it? She said that the important thing about the picture, and for those of you who haven't seen it, it's her album cover. And the guy is standing up and she's kind of looking like she might go down on him and he's
tugging her hair. Is that she's like, I am very clearly. And there's no doubt of anybody looking in that that picture that I am in control of the situation and I'm enjoying it. I'm like, Sabrina, Yeah, acts of service, who? This is just where guys seem to get in trouble because. And I feel like an act of service doesn't even have to be there if they're just happening, right? I don't know.
Yeah. And I feel like so a lot of times when people think of examples of this, I'm also like doing the bare minimum is not acts of service like just participating in the household because. I put the shoes on my daughter this morning. Was that an active service? Yeah, exactly.
And this kind of feels like. So we recently for one of my kids introduced the concept of allowance and, and that quickly turned into and we tried to just have it be like a general like this is something that you get at a certain age so you can have spending money of your own. And in order to and part of this is that we have this social contract that you will be participating as a member of this household and doing certain chores that's. What you said here.
I did. We talked about social contracts, but then she like pretty much immediately wanted to turn it into like, I just picked up the wrapper, my cheese stick and put it in the trash. Pay me $1.00, please. And that's kind of what this sounds like for men that then they'll like get this and they're like, oh, like acts of service. Like I'm going to put my plate in the dishwasher. Where's my blowjob?
Deep Throat me now, please. But but greater perceived sharing of household tasks is associated with higher relationship satisfaction and increased liking of 1's partner. Did we even need studies? Apparently? We did though, just the same as we needed this dumb fucking book for some people just. Do things and then you might get more sex. You know, if you take the load off your wife and so she's not super, super tired, she might be more interested in getting right down there.
Who knows? Or not, because it might just not be your thing or maybe you don't clean enough. I don't know. Yeah, there may be so many other reasons which we'll get into on other episodes as well, yes. And then gifts, you know, not just for birthdays, you can gift somebody a lot of different things. You can go to a gas station and come out with a Gatorade that might lead you to a road blowjob. Just think about it right flavor of Gatorade.
Well, I think when that first of all, I feel like as much as if we want to adhere to the five love languages, I feel like gifts gets the like worst cuz it is just like, oh, you're like this materialistic person who like requires their partner to buy them designer handbags and diamonds or something. But I think it really is more supposed to be kind of about like the, Oh, I was thinking of you and I, I also feel like this is a hard one to do if it doesn't come to you naturally
like some of the other ones. It's like words of affirmation. Like you can just like kind of practice it till you get good at it. But when you know the people in your life, and I'm not just talking relation like romantic relationships, the people who are really thoughtful gift givers, it's always just like a very like that is impressive. They just like pick up little things, whether it's for birthdays or non particular occasions that it's just like this like, oh, I was thinking of you.
I saw this. I thought you would want it like something small. I type Divora just get stuck in my head. I'm like, I think that person would like that, but maybe they don't. Maybe they would have already bought it for themselves.
Maybe. And then I did tell them and all of my like difficult relationship with stuff because then I'm like, well, if they don't want this, then it's just like one more thing for them to have to like figure out and get rid of. And I do really feel like that, like with the gift giving language, like when it is just this obligatory thing, especially around birthdays. And you get that with kids birthdays.
But some families too just have this like very obligatory, like every year on your birthday, like we have to get you a gift. Like you have to get everyone Christmas gifts, like everyone, you know, Christmas gifts. It does just really result in this like it's like the opposite of the intended thing. Because then you get this thing that's like thoughtless or just kind of like you're like, I don't know. And then that makes you feel like the person maybe even knows
you less than you thought. I get great gifts to my partner so I feel like I do like gifty but I don't like. I don't need gifts though. I just see it as one more way that I'm like, you are such a sweetheart and you get me and you look out for little things, but that's not I'm I will yes, they were not good gift givers that I I. This is totally true for my for my marriage. I am an excellent gift giver. I will just own that about myself because. Words of self affirmation.
Words of self affirmation I am a great gift giver and I. Am a lousy gift giver. Well one of my hacks is that I just keep a note on my phone. This works especially well for my husband, who is very forgetful and like, not very thinks about stuff. So he'll tell me in in like, you know, July that he's like, I really want this cookbook. And then like Christmas rolls around and I give him the
cookbook. He totally forgot that he asked for it. So I mean, it works for anyone to, like keep track of things that they mentioned that they would like, but it works especially well for people who forgot that they mentioned that thing. And then he's like, this looks like such a cool cookbook. Where did you find this? You told me, but you forgot and
I'm like you. Know you really well, and I thought that you would be interested in it, but I do just, like, keep track of things that people mentioned to me that they want or need. And I just try to like, take note of that. But it works. Yeah. It'll really works on, like, people that you spend a lot of time with. But my husband, gift giving is not his love language. And I think that that's one that we figured out.
Yeah. That like, it's, it's kind of a hard one to, like, fake it because he would try to, like, buy me nice things. But then it's like, you know, somebody buys you jewelry who doesn't really know your taste. I don't. Want to wear that this? Is why like gift giving is about the thoughtfulness and not the amount of money spent because then you could like buy a really
expensive piece of jewelry. I don't think he's really done that, but like he, I could see that having happened and then you're like, oh cool, like a heart-shaped necklace. And so I think that he's realized that it's a better act of I don't know what kind of love language this is, but just realizing that I would be much happier if you were like. You should just go pick yourself out some jewelry that you really
like. And feel free go crazy with it or you should take your daughter to Disney World with your friends. We also did that. That was a great one. Myself there, but I don't know. Yeah, so. Quality time. I'm here to report an extremely groundbreaking study. But first, just a basic description of quality time, you know, not just sitting and watching Netflix while you're both on each other's, like, not each other's phones, but your
own individual phones. But actually, you know, the solidly hanging out, maybe going on a hike. But I just love the study that I found, which is in Contemporary Family Therapy by Hogan in 2022. And they looked at 49 couples. And I'm so happy that they did this because they found that couples that spent more time arguing per day were less satisfied in their relationships and couples who found a greater time having positive conversations. It's like, did that, did that have to be a study you?
Know again though, I I am. Learning that maybe it did a reminder to men out there that if you are fighting, you might have a low satisfaction in in your relationship and that leads to other things, physical touch. Oh, I do want to say something about quality time. This one was also a little bit like, I was like, who who is like, this is not my love language, right? Like who is in a relationship
with somebody? And then it's like, oh, but I don't actually like any value from quality time until I was doing my Reddit research and there were some people who answered, there's a question that was like, what is your like non traditional love language? You know, like not one of the Gary Chapman 5 love languages. And there were at least a couple of people on there who were like being left alone, giving me my
space. I guess so I was thinking about this and before my partner and I lived with each other, I would have said quality time like 1000%, you know, time just the two of us to hang out. We're either with groups of friends, we're working, all these different things. But now that I feel like we are together all the time, I still want to be with him. I still like, love our time together. But if I were to think about like what I'm craving, it is not, I don't know, OK?
It's not at this with me. I'm not really. Everything's working fine. Yeah. And I think that after the pandemic when especially those of us who are used to like our jobs, it we're mostly out of the house. And I think that there are a lot of us that since the pandemic we're just like home more. That's definitely true for my husband and me. And I guess I wouldn't say that it's my love language, but I do
crave. I don't get to watch stupid ROM coms on Netflix. I don't I I watch YouTube videos of Warren Buffett at night sitting alongside my husband. You should put headphones on and then I suppose that is also a love language is watching 2 separate things on your phone sitting side by side wearing headphones because sometimes you that. Your hand out. Yeah, exactly. You can still be holding hands,
get that physical touch. I also think that there's maybe a difference between like healthy boundary stuff where you need for yourself to exist as a human being within any kind of relationship that's not actually a love language. And I was a little worried for people that they were asked that question and that was literally the first thing that came to their mind. But reach out.
If that was you, we'd love to. Hear maybe it was B who knows I I love spending time maybe it was your husband I just want to be by myself with my old white man videos I'm. Gonna watch Warren buffeting without any fucking interruptions. I need to hear someone with a lot of wrinkles who is male listen talk about finance without my wife saying that this is boring, can she please leave me alone? So physical touch, hugs, cuddles, you know, groping, make it a little grab grab in there.
So another super fun study that I thought I I don't want to do this too much because I have a feeling it was probably done by a student. It came out of UVA in 2024 but it looked at 5 total couples and then it recruited 5 strangers and they found this is crazy that people like touches with their person where they're in a relationship more than the strangers. Can I know more about this
study? It was there like a secret hand box and you like stick your hand in the box and can't see who's on the other side of this like hand glory hole. Like they could see you're being like. Touched by like a hand through the glory hole and you have to guess if it's your partner. Can I do that? Study it. Was like a very basic like non sexual wrist touch but they felt like well the partners touch the wrist in different ways and like covered more surface area.
And I'm like did you only do 5 couples because you realized after 5 couples what on earth am I doing? I didn't have. To do this, but thank you for keeping our podcast grounded in research. K this is important. Yeah, now you know those five couples. There's also kind of like super fun, cool ones that show how like your brave your brain wavelength like matches up with your partners. When you guys touch each other, it kind of like sings and
becomes calm together. OK, yeah, I have heard a little about this where if you touch a stranger. Oh, so I also learned in my, you know, good girls research division, the part time lab. Coat. So French and colleagues published a paper in 2019 on sociosexuality. Now you might be wondering at home, what does sociosexuality mean? It turns out this is a scientific word for swinging, which I just love. And it found that overall.
So looked at 204 newlywed couples and it found that among those who swang or were sociosexual, that overall was there was a greater like decrease in satisfaction over time, but except for those who are having more frequent sex and higher sexual satisfaction and low stress. So I just feel like, OK, so there's a portion of these people who are like super, super like cool sex animals. And they're like, yeah, whatever, We're both having sex with other people. But I'm like low stress and I
mean, awesome. I feel like there might be some drugs involved in that equation and they were able to keep up their happiness, but. Yeah. Is this like you are having more sex overall or unless you're having frequent sex with each other as well, more sex? Oh. That's interesting. They just said more frequent sex, but they did not. Yeah, you're right. They could have just been increased if you just swing all the time, but then you're so
happy. Yeah, if every single day you're having sex with a different person. Especially if physical touch is your love life. If you are one of the people on Reddit whose love language is just blowjobs, then it does seem like you should just have as many possible opportunities for blowjobs and it say as you can. Yeah. I mean, this is one that I've heard in general about the swinging culture and some of the, like, the parties and stuff.
Is that like how it's portrayed on TV versus like, how it is in real life. And it's all like one of those reality shows that's like people that are into doing interesting things. I forget what show it was, but basically that it was this younger couple that, like, wanted to try going to a sex party and they did. And it was all just like. Older you people, yeah, you know, they're like, they're just like, sexually. Freer. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
But it wasn't like, you know, one of these like, Basque parties from like, the sexy shows where like, everybody is rich and hot, totally rich. And like, yeah. 25 years old and things like that. So they, I think that they like went to the party for a little bit and then they were like, OK. Yeah, maybe I only wanted to be with you. I don't know, I I feel like I picture Kristen and Sandy on the OC if anybody ever watch into the later scene.
Yeah, with like the nice expensive watches on the table. Yeah, I'm like, I would go to that swing aim party seems very clean. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that we live in the right zip code for that K. Shucks, just kidding. Please don't contact. Too many of our leaders for. Watching them. Please do not. I'm not. Interested. Not actually interested in joining your watch party? You can never live up to my partner. Gentlemen.
So there was another just funny story and this really doesn't belong anywhere but I wanted to share it. So I looked at 169 marriages over the 1st 18 months of marriage and they showed that there are significant changes in personality over those 18 months where men become slightly less agreeable and women become less like extroverted and there's declines and and openness. And that made me kind of sad. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe, yeah. Maybe that's why we have to be sociosexual. I don't know.
I also think this reminds me of the study that it was like men who are married live longer but like women who are single are happier or something like that. But basically the theory being that, like, women hound their husbands into, like, doing basic kinds of self-care, like scheduling doctor's appointments until those men live longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the women in Jerry, in Jerry Bear's books are just, like, running around after their husbands, picking up for them.
And they're like acts of service is my love language. They're actually, and they're also much more likely to stay when the partner gets a serious diagnosis and all that. But again, you know, we're trapped being straight. So we will accept our male partners and love them all the way. And this does not apply to our own male partners, but in general, just, you know, across the. Gender, yeah. So I guess the question is, does it matter if love languages aren't real if they help us? Then.
Clearly need them. And I think that it still comes up in like legitimate therapy contexts outside of the church, and not because anybody is recommending the book to people, but just again, this kind of like conversation starter. The only thing is I just wish that acts of service, even though I do get that there's a difference, I wish that there was a way to like, just make it clear, like first make sure that household tasks are equal and then we can start talking about
acts of service. But if your acts of service are just you getting up to like 40% when your wife currently does like 70% and that's not. Yeah, yeah. Or just things around that are just sort of shared household tasks to begin with. Like I think one that is nice is that I'm not a morning person and my husband is. And like that he will like make coffee and sometimes even bring me coffee upstairs if I'm particularly slow moving. And I feel like that is something that's not like part
of the. Regular every single morning. No, I don't yell, but I'm like, I'm like, why can't you wake up at 7:00? So you're the morning person in your house. I'm the morning person and then being up in the morning just naturally leads to you doing more in the morning and so you know I'm a fighter you will get
up for. Now I can be trying to get out of doing things in the morning, but having two kids has made that difficult for me and I am forced to live in a world born, born to be rolling around in bed still at 10 AM, forced to be packing lunches. Have you seen the slither method? No, go on, you lie. Down in bed and then when it's like time to get up, like instead of thinking, oh wow, I have to like raise my head and get up and open my eyes, you just flop out.
You literally like rise out of bed and you like crawl. I think it's like her name's Mel. She's an Instagram. She's like a six year old woman who helps you think about life. And there's a video and she's like a very well put together, like beautiful PJS, all that 6 year old woman and she's just like. And now I rise. Yeah I know I haven't tried this
open really to trying anything. Currently my method is picking up my phone immediately, which I hear the experts tell you is great and just immediately starting to scroll things. The experts say that if you go to any therapist, they'll be like just. Yeah, use your phone. Do. Yeah, and use your phone more and start earlier and then go later and do it till you fall asleep. And then when you wake up in the middle of the night, then pick up your phone again.
That's what they say. Think about how excited you are to see your kids and just hop right up. OK, so I asked my partner what he thought that my love language was and he said, oh, you like gifting? And I said, no, that's like not even the case because I don't care at all that my parents don't give to me. I just like it that you gift because this is part of your curious, sweet personality. And he's like, he looks at me and he goes, You like the physical?
And I asked would not approve but go on. He, he said that his favorite thing that I do is that when I walk up to him and I give him like a hug and I say that I love him and I kiss him. I do, you know, one or two times a day Cuz he's like, it's just that like natural, like you really genuinely mean it and you really do love me. So I guess that would mean it's like words of affirmation plus physical touch. Yeah, this is what they're,
they're very overlapping. So and that's why I also feel like it's just maybe more of a starting point because yeah, they're very overlapping. Some of these are very vague and like things like acts of service, like changing an occasional diaper or not an act of service.
So I think the word that you use genuine is a big part of it because it's also just kind of like whatever it is, if it's coming from a genuine place and not, I mean, even look like words of affirmation, like if you were just like you are so special. Well, that and like to me the ultimate thing of love and it's nice that all the the rest of the things happen too, but it's like the other person seeing you for who you are and like loving and embracing that whole self,
if that makes sense. And I think that, you know, when my partner is like, oh, like you used to narrate porn and I love that about you. And I also think it's impressive that you do that. It just makes me feel like they see me and that does it for me. That's a really good point and that's why this whole subcategory of the Internet with people making jokes, we pulled some from from our Internet
research lab. There are such examples as cat photos, head scratches, inside jokes, shit talking head. Scratches. Do you like head scratches? My gosh, I am like such a slut for them. I am miss mad. This is why I am part cat dog. I don't know. Check with Sabrina Carpenter.
I don't. Yeah. OK. I didn't interrupt you, no. I find it very relaxing and if that is your kink or your love language, if you haven't been to a Japanese head spa, you should totally go because it's just like that for two hours. I don't even get massages because I do not like people touching me, which is. Interesting that physical touch and see this is what I mean is that the broad 5 categories are trash because like for you that means very specific things.
I only want my partner. Yeah, you have them. From right, exactly and like under what context and things like that. And so it's more that like intimacy of knowing exactly from the other person what that is, that's acceptable, whether it's like head scratches, blowjobs, commenting and porn together, you know, any of those kinds of things. That that that is very
important. One that I really liked was, and I do do this for my husband, is remembering the names of people that I forgot and like whispering them when they're walking up or I do a lot of like, oh, hey, you know my friend Samantha, right, Samantha? Because you know him well enough to know that he wishes that he knew the name, that he didn't remember it because of some reason that has nothing to do with his respect to the person. And so you're able to read that part of their personality.
I know that they that they need that. It's like my partner sometimes knows that I'm on a roll and I'm doing well. I don't really need that much help. But he knows that like on Saturday mornings, if I don't get my like, workout in, then I get frazzled. And so that's where the active service comes in of taking the kids away for as long as possible. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So like, whatever you want to call it is the important thing. The last one on here was singing karaoke.
This is one of my love languages and it is one it. Is not what I'm on. Do not get from my partner. Any compatible it would make us. Love each other less if he did try to sing karaoke because singing is not one of his skills. So this is where I will also put in a plug for and this is something that I think is kind of not talked about a lot in the whole like Christian relationship advice mode of things.
There's so much in that Christian dating advice kind of stuff about like your partner being your everything and that they like fulfill your every need and that like all of these love languages that you require have to be spoken by your partner. So it's a very good example of like, I love to sing karaoke. Would never ask my partner to do it, would be uncomfortable if he offered. And yeah, there are plenty of other people in my life that can. He could be a beautiful.
Other hobbies, no. I've heard him sing. No, OK, no. My partner is not a bad singer and he plays the guitar and I feel bad but I don't appreciate those parts at all. He is well hung however. Woo Hoo. Huge alpha males like a tree trunk. Yes. We want to make sure that all of our listeners know. So there's no, there's no, you know, you see him on the streets. Just no. Wow. Huge. And there was this very cute story. A lot of the answers that I saw were just like 2 words.
This one was this story from I think an older man that he was talking about how his wife had been a tango dancer for like had been into dancing for years and years and loved to go out dancing. So his expression of love to her was that he took lessons and learned how to tango dance and now they go out together all the time. But he was just saying how it was this great opportunity for them both to appreciate each other.
And I think that that's what I hear in a lot of these stories that like she appreciates him having taken the time to learn this thing just cuz it matters to her. But he was like, I love to go with her because she's so beautiful and she gets all dressed to the nines and I get to see her in her element. But he's like, but then I also feel like a really great partner and he's like, and I'll go dance like I get to like, you know, dance and enjoy myself.
And he's like, also I feel like she walks away. He's like, cuz the men there are so so and I'm the best looking man there and then she. I love the self-confidence. Yes, positive self affirmation. You go Reddit guy. Woo Hoo what was I going to say? I feel like if you go back to even high school, how many high school girls have you are friends with any high school girls, then you might know that how they're asked to dances is a big deal.
And even if they have long standing boyfriends and it's very obvious they're going to go to the dance, they need that kind of extra act that says, hey, I'm really interested in you and you're worth making this elaborate sign or poster for. And you're going to get that little sign that I'd love, and I'm into you. Yeah, yeah. At the end of the day, I feel like, yeah, it's all about just saying like I see you and I get you and I really appreciate you
for who you are. So if at the end of the day that is what Gare bear, what conversation he sparked for us, then blessings to him and his multi book empire. Go Gare bear. Yeah, women do like sex. My my partner would literally say that that's like my love language. And actually, I have a distinct memory that when we were early on in our first months dating, he dropped me off after a movie. And I was like, will you come into the house with me? No, I really need to go back and
do some work. And I was like, we might be incompatible as partners. He's. Like I need to go back into my bed and listen to Warren Buffett videos. I I have some Warren studying to do tonight. It's like you can't sit next to me in a movie theater and like lightly touch me for two hours. And I not think that we're going to have some hanky panky afterwards, but that's that's just the way that he. Is love language for the ladies? Listen up, Gare Bare.
Yeah, we also, my partner and I probably have the reverse relationship on that, that I'd be like, oh, what can I do to get my partner to have some more sex with me? How do I know? He loves getting.
He hasn't boomed me in a while. It's been 3 hours so to go back we always revisit some things discussed in our prior episodes before ending and Sex appeal was an episode that generated a lot of conversation afterwards about what is your thing that you see and you're like Yep that guy is hot, that guy fucks. And we found out from a listener that hers is when a guy shuffles cards, which I can see like when they really know how to do like
the cool like card shuffling. I, I see this one and I think that it really fits the criteria of what we were asking that it's like not an inherently like associated with hot guy thing on its surface, but it's like something that just like raises a, a green flag sexually speaking. Although I will say potential overlap between really good at shuffling cards and magicians, but I've never been with a
magician. Well magicians might be a smaller percentage of the population, so you might have a smaller chance of getting with a magician than a guy who knows how to shuffle cards. And I have not looked into the numbers recently. I just thinking about Joel from Arrested Development. Joke. Yes. There's obviously a hot magician. I've seen them on America's Got Talent. Yeah, yeah, there are. There are hot magicians. I don't know that I want to be
with a magician, though. I would say that for me, that is probably something that if I saw you doing magic, I would be less interested in sex just because I don't want that kind of I don't want somebody doing magical numbers on me when we are together. I think that most magicians would tell you that they're not going to bust out their magic tricks during slacks. You don't know that you've never been with one either have. You.
Yeah, I was having sex with 1 and then also now I was just under the bed and I wasn't sure how. Exactly. Oh, I did hear a story about that one. So something this was son another great podcast, normal gossip. But there was one about that where he wasn't a magician, but they were like somehow in the apartment of like he was friends with her brothers, with someone who was a magician. And there was like a magic trick bed. I won't give away the ending, but you should listen to that
podcast. I also like calling out other podcasts and then also on hottest biblical characters Kane we overlooked Kane a. Classic. Bad boy. Yeah, it's classic bad boy. And the person said I think I can change him, you know, also older brother, apparently older brothers are hot, which is not personally a thing for me. I think being from a big family, just like any brothers, I mean, I'm not interested in any of my brothers, but in terms of order, order.
Yeah, birth order. Oh, that should be a study that somebody should do. Impact on hotness. Birth order and sex appeal. I think that middle children are more likely to be comedians. And so that would probably be like the guys middle. Yeah, 4 out of seven, Yeah. I mean, I guess when you have 7 kids in your family, there's a pretty good shot at being a middle child, so. I could also be considered the younger or the older of different bashes of kids depending on how you look at it.
Yeah. So to kind of go and conclude up this episode, love languages scientifically based, I would say each individual element of this love languages is but the actual like science, as Garriger put it out not, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't show some words of affirmation and leave us to. Yourself to us. Yes, but only. Only if we're great though. We can't take words of criticism right now, unfortunately.
Thank you so much. I do not need negative affirmation, but I thank you for listening and I hope you have a great day.