Red, White, and Vent

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In this episode, I talk a lot about how, um, social media harms you when you're comparing your life to others. And obviously my life is super different than a lot of the people I follow. And so stop comparing and start focusing with better help.
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- That's betterhelp, H -E -L betterhelphelp .com /goodasnew. - Love you. - Hey guys, what's up? I'm Riley. - And I'm Josh. - And we are your hosts of the Good As New podcast. (upbeat music) - You weren't ready for me to press the record.
- I had no idea. - You literally looked at me like, "Oh, here we go." - Here I am. - How's it going, you guys? We haven't been here recording in a minute. - No, we haven't.
- It feels fun. - It does feel fun. I have so much to catch up on with you. I haven't seen you in so long. - I know, let's do it. How's it going? How's life? How was the 4th of July? - 4th of July was so fun. First things first,
I am still freaking sick. - Yeah, you almost sound worse. I don't fully remember so maybe not when I first said that I was sick. I was just starting to get sick. So it wasn't even bad and then the in between has been hell.
And then now I'm like on the up, but I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection cause like behind my eyes hurts and my, my congestion will not go away, which I think a lot of that is me using aphrodisiac because it just,
I just pulled it up there. And so, but I can't stop using it. Like last night I tried to not use it before I went to bed and I woke up at like 4 a .m. not able to breathe.
- Okay, so then I had to use it, yeah. - If you've been here for a long time, you remember when she was first introduced to Afrin and it changed her life, honestly. - Best day of my life, although it does prolong sicknesses for sure.
- Yeah, 'cause it's not like getting out of your system, it's just like, no. - It's not healing you, it's like cutting a band -aid, yeah, on it. - Exactly, we're the same person. - We're on the same page. - That's so cute. - I love that. - Okay,
so Fourth of July was good. - Fourth of July was so good. Let me just dive into that. - All right, go. - So John was out of town and we were always planning to hang out with our friends. So a cheesecake factory in Utah County just opened.
- Yes, which is amazing. - So amazing. So on Wednesday night, the day before the four, me and all of our friends went to Cheesecake Factory and everybody was like, what's our plan for tomorrow 'cause we had like no plans.
- What are we doing? - And so I made like this full itinerary for everybody. - Stop. - Like such a mom, no legitimately. I told them what we were doing, at what time, what to bring. And so the next day,
me and my friend Kim at 9 .30 a .m. get to the pool. Before that we went to Target and got coffees and like floaties and snacks and cooler and everything.
So anyway at 9 .30, we are at this pool. We thought it was gonna be packed 'cause it's the 4th of July. Literally, nobody came until like 11 .30. It was hilarious. - So you definitely could've been there at 12 and been fine.
- So, everybody just kept making jokes. Like, so glad you guys got here at 9 .30, which like all of our friends didn't show up till like 10 .30. - Right, you're just sitting there. You're just like, no UV rays yet. Just chilling. - So we saved like 10 seats,
a whole table. We had all these snacks. It was hilarious, but anyway, we ended up being there for six hours outside. - That is cool. - Yeah, at the pool. My kids were there just like having the time of their life.
And then we were sitting there talking and I was like, what is more American than Chili's? - True, actually. - From the 4th of July. So we all went to Chili's for dinner. - Yeah, we had lunch at the pool.
- At the pool, okay. - And then, yeah, we went to Chili's for dinner and then our friend is marrying this girl. Her name's Brooke and her dad like puts on his own firework show, like legitimately pay thousands of dollars.
I thought we were watching, saying of fireworks, but no, he literally put on this show. - The firework show, okay. - So yeah, we sat on the rooftop of his storage unit that he owns and watched his firework show.
And it was incredible and so fun. And all of this, my kids came. And so then my kids and I had stopped at a tent earlier that day and got them like their own fireworks. Oh yes. So like the little throw poppers and then a few sparklers and then what like I thought I was in the kids section at the firework shop.
I'm so scared right now. So Charlie wanted two rockets. So we got some that like looked like little tiny rockets like literally right. They were this big. Okay. And so I was like, okay, yeah, like these are a little kid fireworks.
So like there's like, I think 20 people surrounding Me and my kids like doing our little sparklers and our little throat. I'm so scared So we bring out these two and I had my friend mark light them.
Yeah, I Nervous in general. Yep, huge and we were all so close huge loud Shoots up in the sky. Oh, it was like in the sky like not just like on the ground like gigantic.
Oh, so we were all like Shocked like laughing so hard to break. Okay. We had no idea Yeah, - So then we do the second one, which was a little different than the first. And I had him like go a little further 'cause I was like,
I don't know. Like that one was kind of big. Like we all, like our ears were ringing, our hearts like, you know when something's so loud that it like moves your heart?
- Yes. - That's how big they were. I almost killed everybody with these kid fireworks. - So how much were they? - They were like $10. - Okay, so like not like, no. - A hundred bucks. No, that's why and they were tiny like like little sticks of lip gloss.
That's how small they were We were shocked and we were laughing so hard. Yeah, like it was so funny But I works are the weirdest like they're actually terrifying when you really think about it.
You're like, how is that actually? Happening. I asked what is happening? I asked John. I was like were these designed for like war? Yeah At first like whenever fireworks were made Did they make them for war?
Because they're legitimately so loud and scary. And so I could see them making them just scare. I don't know, bombs, they're bombs. But anyway, I left that night and I have never felt more grateful for my group of friends that just let me bring my kids and just love them and entertain them and help me with them.
Like I was crying that night. - Make it easy for you. - Yes, 'cause I was so grateful. I mean, I have family and I, you know, like I could have gone to my mom's and learned something with family, but my friends are just so welcoming to us and helpful.
And yeah, it's just amazing to feel like loved, like that for me and my kids. - Especially on like a holiday that is kid oriented, but doesn't have to be like your friends didn't have to invite them.
They could have gone and done whatever they wanted to do. I know but instead mommy planned the day and everybody followed and everybody showed up with what they were supposed to bring Yeah, and it was so fun and my kids were so good heaven.
I'm sure yes Yeah, like I was so proud of them Oh, they were amazing and it gave me like the confidence to be like okay bringing them more often. Yeah, you know So I don't know it was just such a good day,
and I was so you're the only one with kids, right? Yeah I mean Rach. Oh, Rach also has her two kids, but she, she's, you know, she has her boyfriend and they have like their friend group and they're with his family a lot too,
Dubbs family. So I definitely bring my kids around these friends more, like they're like my family, you know? So I don't know, it's anyway, love them. It was so fun. How was your fourth? It was so great. We, I played pickleball and did like brunch with Josh's family in the morning,
which was so fun. And then we Dinner and went to the Oakley rodeo with my family that night, and it was fun. Yeah, so we had to go to rodeo Yeah, we need to do that before the summer is over.
But yeah, it was so fun I just love the 4th of July. What was your out? Did you post any pictures? I did you did I what did I wear? Oh, I wore just like a blue floral skirt in a tank top.
Yeah, cowboy boots Yeah, how girls cry - cowgirls cry - did you hear the Cowboys cry - song by - Kelsey Ballerini? I'm like, what are the odds? - And like, hi, I think we did that first.
Just saying. - And also, we should send her a tank tank. - We don't have a small final sender mine. Whatever. - True. - Shoot. - But no, that, yeah, that was my Fourth of July.
It was easy, fun. - Easy breezy. - Yep, and then like on Saturday, what day was it? - It was Fourth of July, Thursday. - Oh yeah. - We went skiing on Friday. - Water skiing. - Like, I don't ski,
but right you watch as I watch you support. I do. Yep. And then on Saturday Have you ever heard of the forum fest? Yeah, you were talking about okay. Yeah, you forgot to text me about it Yeah, by the way,
I did for I was invited and then she didn't come just it's up in Park City. It's at the canyons It's like a four night thing. They do like drones and there's booths and stuff like that So we went there.
How are the drone fireworks fun. They're cool. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's just different than normal fireworks. I don't know. Fireworks are like very filbarian American. Yes. You know, like you can the sound of it.
You can't switch it up. But the drones are pretty crazy. Like whole time. I was just like, Oh, just take some serious skill. Yeah. I know. So yeah, it was great. Great weekend. That's so fun. I know. I vineyard had their own big fireworks show and they had like bounce houses and food trucks and stuff like that on Monday.
So my kids and I, I had no idea it was going on Monday, like today, no last Monday, before the fourth of July. So the first, but it's so funny because I never know what's going on, especially I'll get into this later,
but I deleted my social media. And so I usually follow vineyard days on vineyard city on Instagram. And that's kind of where I get my info. And I'm like driving home at 7 p .m. And I see all these people walking in vineyard,
all in red, white - I'm blue, and so I like finally like, John's face timing me. Sorry, call you back. Yeah, anyway, I have rolled down my window and I was like, what's going on? - Yeah. - And they're like,
oh, there's just fireworks and bounce houses over there at the park. - So my kids and I, they were like ready for bed, but we just packed up in our pajamas and went and we were there till like 11 p .m.
And but it was Stevie's first firework show. She was locked in. - I was gonna say she, I know that girl's in heaven. - Yes, it was so cute and it was so fun. Again, we were friends and super helpful and fun.
And I just love where we live. - Yeah, which is so great. That helps so much. - God bless America. - God bless America. Wait, what did you wear on the horse? - I wore some,
my baggy, yeah, short. - Oh, shorts, yeah, cute. - With a brandy sweater that had the American flag on it. - Oh, cute. - 'Cause It was honestly like chilly. Yeah. I mean,
I was an Oakley, but it got cold. Yeah. Yeah. It was like 70s. Yeah. You know, when I was getting ready, so I was like, Oh, I'm gonna wear a sweater. And then I slipped back my hair, put it in a little bun. Yeah.
Yeah. But at Stevie's outfit was freaking cute. Charlie, we put a little, oh, I did a star braid in her hair in an hour. Oh, okay. Yeah. We woke up at like 730 on the 4th of July,
just to get ready to the pool by 9 a .m. Yeah, and then I got Charlie like blue hairspray and Kim did like a star in his hair. Oh my gosh, he probably loved that.
It was such a fun day. Like I loved this 4th of July. Wait, what did, what did Stevie? I got this cute little number from Old Navy and it was just like a matching set.
Oh, cute. A blue outfit with stars on it. - So cute. - Tank top and shorts. - I'm obsessed with her. - But, Rick, she's so cute. - She's so cute. - And Tan. - I know. - Tan is ever. - She's gonna be so hot when she's old.
- I know, with her bright green eyes and her brown hair. - Oh my gosh, I can't. - Yeah, she's adorable. - Anyways, we love Stevie clearly. - We love her. - Some days we don't. - Yeah, some days we get on here and we're like,
"Steven, no, she's so freaking cute." - Okay, amazing. Happy 4th of July. We hope you all had a way good 4th of July and Just like relaxing, hanging out with friends, family. - Eating,
snacking. - Just like soaking it all in. - Yeah, what else is new with you? Anything to report? - I'm trying to think I should, it's been a minute since we've done this, so I feel like I'm sure I've got something.
- I deleted my social media. - Yeah, let's talk about that. - We'll dive into that. - John and I were talking, and he was telling me about this article he read where it is harder for us now to like fill dopamine like in real life in a like natural setting because we get a quick fix when we lift up our phone and look on Instagram or TikTok and I didn't want that to be me because I'm like I can see myself sitting
there with my kids like and I'm there but I'm not actually there like I would rather be looking at my phone than like watching them play or they will be talking to me and I'm scrolling on Instagram and I'm not really - Listening and you're just letting it like pass through.
- Yes, and I was feeling so like, and I have all this stuff to do and I sit on my phone for two hours instead and I get nothing done and make no phone calls. - And then you're frustrated and then yeah.
- Then I push it back to the next day and the same thing happens over again. And so I just was like, I don't want that to be me. And I don't want my kids to remember me on my phone at all times and that's how it was like true.
And so I just went cold turkey and deleted it all and I've done this before I did it a few times when I was married I don't know why just cuz I felt like yeah, and then obviously when CJ passed away I didn't have it for four months and I Haven't had it now for like a week and a half and it's been the best thing I have ever done good My whole house is clean and organized.
Thank you to my mom and sister I called them overwhelmed the day that I deleted Instagram. I'm pretty sure it's like the day John left for a week and a half. Yeah, I deleted and just going through a little mid -life thing Yeah,
but I called my mom and my sister my mom was in town and I was like I just feel like my house is so Unorganized. Yeah, I have so much to like do in here, but it's like too much on my own Like I just cannot like get myself to just like keep them entertained while trying to do it Yeah,
I'm trying to do it So my mom and sister rallied and came over and we cleaned like I was moving out like amazing like organized every single drawer my bishop took like a bunch of stuff to the dump for me oh my gosh that's incredible yeah so my every drawer in my house cabinet anything is organized and every corner baseboard everything is cleaned and that's it and vacuumed and yes so like and that's something I
wouldn't have done had I had my phone right - Right, 'cause there would've been easier. - I would've just been sitting on my phone scrolling instead and my car is vacuumed and cleaned. Like I've got an alt,
like I have nothing to do. Like I had 20 minutes before the gym the other day and I was like, I actually genuinely don't have a single thing to do. Like my laundry's done, my garage is organized. Like there's nothing for me to do. - I can just sit for a second.
- Yeah, and so, and then I like find myself, like I'm playing baseball with Charlie. Or I'm jumping on the tramp with them or like we're having like genuine conversations now. And it is, it's been the best thing ever.
And I also do not miss it. Like the craziest thing is I'm not picking up my phone wanting to go to it, you know, and also like, I don't know, like I pick up my phone and I'm like, I have nothing to do on here. And so I just set it right back down because I find something else to do.
Yeah. Or hang out with my kids. Like, yeah, it's been so nice. And then like, I think about it too. You know, you're always like taking the perfect picture like to post. - Yes, always. - It's amazing because like on the 4th of July,
I would just snap a picture, didn't even care if it looks good or not because I knew it was going nowhere. - Yeah. - You know? - I feel like my camera, the little camera that I got, I got the, what is it called? Whatever, GX7 thing has like totally changed 'cause like I can't get it off of there immediately type of thing.
And so literally I'm like-- - You just take it. - We just take it and then that night or whatever, I'm like, oh wait, these are so cute. You know what I mean? Instead of taking them on your phone, looking them back, you know what I mean? Looking at them immediately. - Taking 500 of them and having to choose the best one.
- Yeah, like it just is like quick and it's on there. 'Cause like I do feel like, so when I was in a hair class a while ago, it was actually like a social media hair class. They were like, stop consuming, start creating, right? 'Cause for business,
you literally have to. Like I don't have a choice but to be on Instagram, right? But they were like, stop consuming it and just create it type of thing. And I'm like, when that, that like hit me 'cause I'm like,
I don't need to consume, right? There's nothing, I don't need to. There's no point for me to do that, but I have to create, right? So I feel like the camera has been good for me to like, create and then I can do it later, right?
Instead of doing it in that moment immediately type of thing. - That's cool. Yeah, the only social media, I don't even know if it's social media that I have is Pinterest. - Oh yeah, I wouldn't consider that Pinterest. - And I just feel like that's a good like inspiration.
- Totally. - Like find inspiration and create one, you know? - Yeah, like in that. - So when I'm really bored and can be on my phone, I'm just interesting. - Yeah, and that feels like you're like, I don't know, Pinterest means like you're dreaming,
right? You're like, it's like a good, healthy space. - You're using your imagination, yeah, yeah, it's fun. - It makes so much sense, the dopamine thing though, especially like how you were on social media for four months after CJ passed away,
your brain was probably recreating natural dopamine. - Yeah. - Which is probably what got you through it. - Probably, and probably exactly what I needed. - Do you know what I mean? I can only imagine if you were on your phone those four months,
it would have been eight months of hell instead of, or you know what I mean? I mean, it's still hell, but like, right, like it would have been worse for you. - 'Cause the comparison thing is very, very, very true, especially me,
like My situation is just so different from anybody else that I follow. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's hard to see everybody where I'm at in life, like with two kids and working on their third or even their fourth and just happily married.
It's, you know, we're on the trajectory I was on. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was, it was, I knew I did not want to see that. Yeah. It's the best way I knew that was literally kill me. Yeah. So the - That thing is so,
so, so hard. Like it's a really weird thing and trick that like our brain plays on itself. - I also feel like I'm spending less money because I'm not seeing like all these people post what they bought and then wanting it.
And Pinterest for some reason for me, it's more like, it's like just an idea. I don't look at an outfit and be like, I'm gonna go buy that. I just like pin it because I'm like, that's cute. - I don't think I've ever bought something off of Pinterest.
Neither it is definitely like move it to the style thing and I'm always like how can I recreate this with what I have? Yeah, exactly very healthy mindset. I should be on Pinterest more. I know Yeah, and I went through my whole closet.
Oh, yeah, and I have four of the huge black trash bags Full of clothes again all of those and they are good clothes half of them still have tags I cannot and now I'm like I'm legitimately not buying anything else because because I have so much still and I'm like,
I know I can use this stuff and I'm going to. Yes. We're going to do a closet sale again. We're going to do a closet sale. I have so much workout clothes. We just got to get through our next event. Event first and then we'll do that.
No, we have to do that. Because I'm going to move and I'm going to have so much shit to get rid of. I mean, I don't think everybody has to go as dramatic as I'm going, but truly,
I'm going to say it's been like life changing and I'm super glad that I'm doing it because I feel so much better. I was telling where I had mom guilt. That was like my main reason for deleting it is because yeah,
Charlie would be telling me a story and I'm just sitting there on my phone and I'm like, this poor guy. And he would be like, are you even listening? Yeah, I'm listening. - You're like, yes, I am. - But now I truly am listening and it's way better.
- And I think finding other escapes is so healthy too. Right? Like cause you do need an escape from your life every day, right? Like you are in the thick of a mom all day long,
but it's like finding other things, journaling, greeting, Pinterest, whatever it is. Love Island, UK. Love Island. Have you heard Love Island US season? It's so good apparently. This is so good. I need to watch it.
I need to watch it too. I'm watching the UK most recent season, but yeah, everybody's telling me I need to watch US, which I've never watched anything but the UK. Okay. Yeah. So I'm interested, but no,
we need to watch it. Yeah, we do. Okay. Well, that's our challenge for all of you. Go a few days without social media, go week, go cold turkey. If you're running a business like me, stop consuming and start creating.
And that's it. I know. And I like, I keep thinking about you because I deleted my Instagram. And I mean, yes, you did most of the Instagram for good as new. And now you're literally doing it.
- You're all right, so sorry about that. - I'm fine. - Another thing I forgot to update on, and I can finally talk about it, is the last two years I have been in a lawsuit.
- Yes, she has been. - It's a wrongful death suit, obviously, for CJ, and it finally was settled this past week and I feel just a huge weight off of my shoulders because I mean when you're grieving and going through all this basically the last thing you want to have to do is go back to it and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
The lawsuit was something that was heavy on my mind and I always had to go back to it and it's over. It's over. I mean I can't I don't really want to talk about it or say much about it.
Yeah no we probably - Probably shouldn't have. - But I have, on top of everything else, I've been going through that for the last two years. And so it feels like a huge milestone to have that be done and settled and-- - It's just a lot,
like it's one more thing to think about. - Yes. - A lot of questions are being asked that like-- - And a lot of things you have to do for it, like notary, phone calls, meetings, like hard things to hear. - Yeah, and it's like the nitty gritty of your worst nightmare,
Right and it's like they're asking you all these things and you're just like I don't really give a fuck. Yeah I just would like this to be done and it's done and it's finally done And it just feels like a chapter that is closed and obviously like that feels like pros and cons Yeah,
for sure. I don't know. It's just like the weirdest feeling but I am I'm very very glad I'm I don't have to deal with that anymore. Yeah, but happy day So that was It's a big life thing that happened for me.
Yes. And we're done and we're done and we're done in the name. And that's it. Which honestly, everything we've just been talking about leads us to what our episode is about today,
which is vent session. We promise you guys event session. We give you one every week. We do every week. We are venting to you. So we wanted you to vent to us. I'm like, I would just love to hear how everybody else is doing because I think when I was saying that I was going through it right now my life is very good.
Yeah. You know, things are going good. Things are going really well. And so, you know, I don't have much to vent about, but I want to hear what you guys have to vent about because it's all relatable and it feels good to know that other people are going through it.
Yeah, it is. And I feel like people think, yeah, it's the same thing. People think that they're on their own for everything. And it's like, no, No, most people are going through, I mean, we'll get to it, but like the first 15 responses when I looked,
when we posted it, we're all about their in -laws. And I'm like, you all need a group together. You need a club. Clearly, you're all going through it. I bet there is an in -law Facebook group. I'm sure I cannot.
Okay, let's jump into it. Let's dive in. Don't we have a time? 52. And then there's 31 on Instagram as well. So like, Oh, we do a part two because we, yeah, let's just see where we get and then what,
how, what are we at 24? Okay. So like we'll go 30 minutes and see where we're at. Okay. Here we go. Recent. Do you want me to just read them and you just respond or do you want to switch? I don't know. Just read them. We'll go from there recently.
I feel like I've grown apart from some of my best friends and I don't really talk to them anymore since we had a falling out and it makes me sad, but also I feel like it's made me realize who my real friends are and who I can and can't rely on and trust quality over quantity baby and intentions or everything yeah what are people's real intentions yes i read a thing the other day it was like if you have friends
that are not happy for you yeah and for your big moments and the good things that you are doing they are not your friends no they're the opposite of your friend yeah if i have a friend that is like competitive with me and not happy done like Why would you want a friend like that?
That's not fun. Yeah, you want people lifting you up Yeah, tearing you down a thousand percent quality over corner So sick of being out of money on a tight budget literally We have no debt, but my house looks like a college dorm room lol with all the mix match furniture and stuff and my husband doesn't want to get new stuff because all works still Same goes with clothes It's like I want to be this certain person
and have a cute house and cute clothes But I can't do it because we don't make a lot of money and have to budget so well. It's making me constantly frustrated. I get there all just material things and really don't matter,
but I feel like it's so important to me to be comfortable and confident in myself and my home. It's even hard listening to podcasts sometime because everyone seems to shop a lot and then I'm like here, I get shit.
We probably don't help with that. No, we obviously don't help with that, but I can totally relate to that. I mean, I have been there. I was there for most of my marriage 'cause we were just trying to build a foundation.
And it's hard because you see on social media other people, but they're all having their stuff too. And they might look like they're just budgeting and they might be over their limit, like you never know and you would rather be comfortable and stable with where you're at and just build a good foundation so that one day you can buy all the stuff that you - Yeah,
and everything, but it is so hard to be in that face. - I also think too, like, we're so hard on ourselves. Like, you're probably doing better than you think you are. Do you know what I mean? Like, in this world,
especially in Utah, it's like everybody has the bigger and best and better new things, and it's like, you're probably, you go to another state, you're probably making more money than the average person there. You know what I mean? Like, it's so hard to think that you're so behind when really you're probably doing just great.
- You're doing great, and also it'll be worth it. You're in love and you're in love. You have each other and that's really all you need like the stuff in your house.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Like take it from me please. Please. Just give your husband a hug and love each other and do fun cheap things until you can afford other things.
That. Amen. I recently had my third baby and I'm in newborn heaven. I absolutely love everything about it. "My husband and I always agreed on three kids, "but I'm already feeling heartbroken to be done. "I've brought it up several times that I would love another.
"Are we sure we are done, et cetera, but he's a hard no. "I know that realistically, three is plenty, "and when it comes to actual life and finances, "it makes more sense, but it just gets me to be done. "And frankly, I hate that he gets final say "because he's in camp,
no. "Like I obviously can't make that choice without him, "so he automatically wins. "He has a vasectomy scheduled in a few months and I'm so emotional about it. - Oh. - Oh boy. - Show. - It does take two.
- It does take two to take. Gosh, that is so hard. That would be really hard. Agreeing on the amount of kids. I mean, I do feel like when I had Stevie, I was like, I want like 10 more. Like, you're just in that newborn heaven.
- In that blue lips, yes. - And now they're at the age they're at. I'm like, I think I'll get it. - I think we're good. I think we'll stop here. - Just kidding. - It is so hard. - It's so hard. And I mean, I hope you guys can figure that out,
but I mean, - Maybe if this like to me, maybe that can hold off and you can give it a few years. - I know, I know, maybe he doesn't have to do such like a strong thing when you're so unsure. - Yeah.
- You know, maybe try and like push that back a little bit and then see how you guys feel. - That's tough lunch. - That's hard. I don't know if you all want advice, but you're all getting it for your bent sessions.
Okay. I'm a single mom to one and I have been seeing another single dad. His wife passed away due to cancer two years ago. Well, we went on our first date, we had a blast and saw each other for five days straight after that.
Our girls were involved from day one to because he doesn't have help. Anyway, he went out of town and has been out of town for almost two weeks. We've talked the whole time. He got back yesterday, told me he was back, then now we haven't talked all day.
He leaves tomorrow for a 10 day work trip and I'm on confused he has given me loads of reassurance but like what the f 24 hours communication isn't that hard you deal with a traveling boyfriend so why don't you take this one a traveling soldier it's hard it is actually so hard i mean like distance makes the heart grow fonder for sure but also like i don't know when you're not with each other like it's hard like
you're like what do we talk about like i want to talk to you all day but like what are we to talk about for 10 days, you know? And so he could just be in the, like, what are we, you know, there's nothing to like, I really like you and I want to see you again.
But while I'm gone, like, I don't know what to say, you know, I don't know, it could just be something like that. But distance is hard. Yeah, I can imagine. But it's also very fun when they come back. Yes. I'm trying to figure out how to cut ties with my longest friend.
Her negativity about every aspect of life has worn me down to where is causing me pain. Just one of a million examples of why it's our last conversation. Her asking me how many kids my husband and I were hoping for,
which I know we have spoken about before, but I answered, we are hoping for a big family. We are shooting for four or so. Then she goes, people that want four kids are crazy. They don't realize that they are getting themselves into, plus it's so expensive.
Mind you, she has two children and is considering another. I was so confused, but what she said, because I literally just told her I wanted a big family. Plus my husband and I come from really big families and she doesn't. I don't even know what to say to her anymore, but not sure what to do.
I have spoken with her about her negativity and we haven't invited them to hang out as much, but I'm very conflicted, but her vibe is wearing on my family. That's really hard. Again,
it goes back to like not being happy for you, right? And negative people are negative people and they don't change. And it does wear on you. Yeah, it does. So I mean, I feel like it's the right decision.
I mean, you don't really need it. - Yeah, I cannot stand my in -laws. They favor my nieces and nephews over my kids very blatantly, taking them on trips and not mine, for example, my kids are ages now that they are catching on to it and it breaks my heart.
That's so sad. - That's so sad. That's so hard. And what do you say? - Well, I was just gonna say, how do you even go about that? You don't really. - Like, no, they love you. - Right,
right. when your friendship of two years ends because your friend mom shames you but claims she is so non -judgmental and uplifting about others motherhood journey these bitches what's with your friends that's so hard I mean mom shaming is one of the worst things ever yeah because you already have such mom guilt without anybody saying anything right in your own head so but he says something out loud,
even slightly negative about how you're doing your parenting. - You just, it gets to you. Like, and you try and not let it, but it really does. - Yeah, I agree. - I totally understand that,
but honestly. - And there's really not a lot you can, I mean. - You're like, I'm just trying my best here. - Just trying my best, yeah. - Yeah, I'm exhausted. - When people never respond, so they don't have to bring anything to Sunday dinner. - Oh. (laughs) - That's actually hilarious.
- That's me to my mom, like you got it mom. Oh gosh, that is hilarious. I wonder if that's my mom and my mom write that. - Maybe. - I hope it is,
I want her to know, okay. - I also just don't respond. Actually though, that's another thing about leading my social media is I have been very responsive. - Good, yes, good. Now that you're, now that you're off it.
- Yeah, I've like, I've left nobody on red. - Good. - And I know that, 'cause all I have to do is look back at my texts. - And that's all there is to do. - My photos are my texts. - Okay, someone I know just announced their naming their kid,
the boy name that is number one on mine and my husband's list and husband for years. We're not even pregnant, but I'm still so sad. - Oh, you're fine, still do it. - Yeah, this one is, yeah, just still do it. Nobody really gives a fuck.
- There's going to be thousands of the same name and like if I always love it's your life. - Yep, let's do it. - Okay, this is funny. My husband's breath reeks.
When I kindly let him know he explodes saying I'm lying, but now I don't want to kiss him and then he explodes again. I just want to figure out the culprit so it can be fixed. It's a losing battle. - Okay,
just schedule family dental appointments. - Yep. - In his notes, say struggles with bad breath, but don't tell him. - There's also things like that it can actually be wrong. Like I have a client who like had to get something removed because it was,
I don't know what it was, but like 'cause it was calling that. - There's funguses that build. - Yes. - Yeah, like there are root causes for that and it could be fixed. So just schedule a family dentist day.
- And get it figured out because that's not fun. You want to be able to kiss your husband. - Right. - Just always have gum on hand and just toss it in there. - Just throw it in his mouth. - Well, Oh, that's sad.
I don't think there's anything worse than stinky breath I'd rather have like stinky beo near like yeah, and bad breath when somebody's talking Oh, yeah, my brother has bad taste in girls I pray every day he realizes he needs to date around and see what is out there and that he doesn't marry his current girlfriend Oh,
no, that's right. I'm always so scared to my brothers are gonna marry Yeah, you should be Spend a lot of time together Good taste I think but my brother's married a few of those girls.
Yes. I got blessed. You got blessed. Yeah I wonder who Jess is gonna marry. She'll she'll be fine. She'll be fine. I'm not worried about her We'll marry probably the next profit Or yeah, I thought you were gonna say president and I was like,
where are we going? No, I'm not the next president I hate trying to be fair and equal with time when visiting my family and my in -laws. Hmm. It's a lot of pressure It's hard to Figure out.
We'll get there. - I don't think people realize how far a simple thank you goes. Also bring me a Diet Coke and that's a thousand thank yous. - Truly. - True. I know, thank you can go so far. - The little things. - I hate my husband's stepfather.
He is just not a good person and has done some terrible things in the past. We just spent a week visiting my husband's family and anytime that my husband's stepdad would hold my four month old, my blood would literally boil because I cannot stand him and hated him being around my daughter,
SOS. - True, that's hard. - That is hard. - You're gonna have to move far, far away. - Yeah, or not go visit. - 'Cause having those feelings every time, geez, that's a lot. But I do remember that feeling,
like having a new baby and somebody that you don't really love is holding them. - Yeah. - You really do just like stress. - Stress. - You're like, I don't want your energy or whatever you have to be passed to my baby.
- Like, no. - I'm currently dating this boy who I really like. he is so different than my ex in lots of good ways and has helped me heal from past relationship trauma. However, he is so rude to my 14 -year -old brother. He will aggressively tackle my brother or call him names.
I've set boundaries with him, telling him he has no place to do that, especially since we've been dating for one month. This is the second time it's happened and I'm confused on whether I give him a third and final chance or end things now.
I almost feel like him being rude to a family member is a non -negotiable. Yeah, I'm just a girl and don't know what to do being in the middle of it. Oh my gosh He should be sucking up to everybody.
Yeah, what at this point that feels weird That feels like a major red flag because I do feel like the more comfortable he gets It's gonna get worse and it might like pass on to you like yeah You might aim those comments to you and then you have to hear them and like and then you get married and you're stuck with forever.
That feels weird. I don't want to be like dramatic about it, but one month and he's saying rude things and you've already had to talk to him about it. That is weird. Yeah, I would say maybe.
I mean, maybe try and tell him one more time. Listen, this is not going to work out if you're going to be rude to my brother. Also, what are his intentions? Also, he's 14. He's a 14 -year -old little boy.
Like, leave him alone. That feels really weird. Anyways, weird shot. I'm desperately tired of being everybody's go -to for everything. Oh, is that you? No, this is me actually guys.
This is turning my self story. No, but I get that. I'm a people pleaser as well, so here we are. Yeah. But set some boundaries. Set some boundaries. You can't do it all.
My mother -in -law passed away a month ago and it's been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Trying to - Explain it to my two and a half year old, make sure my husband is doing okay and trying to figure out a new normal. I'm so sad,
I'm so sorry. - Yeah, you're in the thick of it for sure. And kid -wise, she's two and a half, yeah. And that's about how old Stevie was. And I mean, they are just so little and they,
I mean, for Stevie and Charlie, I just tried to make it feel like a positive thing, you know, even though it's the worst thing ever that they could ever go through. Yeah, I mean, you really just kind of have to,
you have to be like blunt with them. Yeah. You can't be confusing about it because if you're confusing, they're confused. Yeah. So you, you have to tell them pretty bluntly and it's hard.
It is so hard. It's just a hard reality, like she said. And they'll like, forget, they'll forget it, which is also sad, right? Like, there's that boundary of that. But I don't know, two and a half years old is rough.
Stuck in the roommate phase with my husband and going insane. Unemployment is no joke. - Ooh. - I could never, I'm so sorry. Like I literally, I'm too much of a busy body. I think I'm so crazy.
Probably, yeah, drug my husband or something. - Josh. - I feel like I-- - If we ever have to stay home together. - I would love nothing more than to stay home. - I know you would, and that's why we're so different. - Every day. Like never leave my side.
And I was even like that when my husband was alive. - But you're, - But you always dealt with the traveling thing. - Yeah, true. - I feel like that makes you have a different perspective. Like if Josh was traveling all the time, I think I'd be like,
no, I want you home all the time. - That's true. - But like I love that we go home together at night and like see each other. You know what I mean? After we've been gone, like it would be hard to wake up and I don't know. - Like what are we gonna do today?
- All day, yeah. - That sounds like my dream. - Oh gosh. - John's like running, running for his life. - You guys should pick up some hobbies or or something like a road bike or go on a walk. - Pick a wall,
tent, like something, yeah. Yeah, if we had something to do, I think I would, yeah, be fine. - Yeah. - Okay, the guy I'm talking to is the sweetest and he's honestly so great, but there's so many things holding me back.
Number one is he canceled the date because he said he didn't get to know me well enough. Like, that's the point of the date. We're in high school for context. - Oh. - Two, I got the ick, but pulled myself out of it. Three,
we are unequally - Yo, so he's Catholic and I'm not denominational and I talk about God a lot and he doesn't as much. And four, I don't think of him the same way I did my ex and I've been thinking about my ex a lot,
but I think because our earn anniversary just passed by anyways, yeah. - That's a no. - I feel like that's a no. - Feel like there's way more cons than pros. - Yeah. - Like yes, he's sweet, but you need more than just sweet,
you know? - Yeah. - So that's gonna be a no for for me. Yeah, no, for me as well. What's like, deal or no deal that we should do an episode? We should. Deal or no deal. We'll tell you our honest truth about that.
Okay, struggling with focusing so much on the future that I forget to live in the moment. My husband and I have been together for a while and we are so excited to have children one day, but don't want to start trying until another year. However, society, friends,
family are making us feel so much pressure. I'm also approaching my 30s, so I have the biological clock on my mind. I feel like my mind is consumed with this, but I need to remember to enjoy this time with my husband, our cute little doll. - Oh yeah, amen.
- Don't rush, yeah. - Don't compare, don't let people get to you. Like seriously, just enjoy where you're at. That was the one thing I have felt guilty about when CJ passed away is we both were always looking toward like what's next.
And we were happy with where we were at, but we were never like sitting there saying like, oh my gosh, I love where we are at right now, you know? And it's hard to do that. It's hard to feel, even if you live in a $5 million house and you have 12 children and it's your dream life,
it's like, always what's next. Yeah. Yes. And so, I mean, just let this be your reminder for anybody listening, like just be happy with where you're at. Yeah.
Because, you know, you never know when it's going to change. It can changed literally in a second. And yeah, that is the one thing that I regret is feeling like we just, we wanted to go to like our dream house or we wanted this,
that, whatever, but our life was really good where it was. - It literally takes like a mind, like you have to like tell yourself to, in the moment, you know what I mean? - I am happy. - Yes,
and like a lot this last weekend, I like tried to put my phone away and not like do any work at all. And like I still was having to think like, okay, on Tuesday, how many people, you know what I mean? And I like, even that smallest thing,
I had to be like, just be here for one second. But it's so hard to do that. - Even in like massages. - Yes. - I'm getting a massage, but I'm thinking about everything else. - Everything else. - And I have to literally be like, Janessa, just,
just, she's touching your back. Just enjoy. - Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. - Enjoy, sit here, just don't think about anything. And then it goes again. - I cannot. - But I, I mean, I think it's so fun. All the people that I know that are married and like waiting to have kids for a little bit you such a good idea Like I think that's so fun because literally you will have kids for your whole life Yeah,
the rest of forever you will have them forever and you'll have to worry about them And I mean it's the greatest thing on earth, but it's a lot and yeah Just to have you two and your little dog that sounds amazing and that's a huge plus.
Yeah You know, so count that as a win and just enjoy it. Yeah. Amen. Amen. And okay, I miss my ex -boyfriend, but his mom was insane. And that's literally the reason we're not together.
And I know who this is. And I hate you so much, but also you married the fam, right? Yeah, like you do. Yeah. Oh, you know who it is. I know. Oh, I thought you were reading that. I mean, I am about 99 .9 % sure I know who it is.
Who is it? I'm not going to tell you. Yeah. Well, I don't blame you. Yeah. Okay, yeah, but it's hard because it's like you don't mom can ruin it But it does it the mom ruins it. Mm -hmm. Yeah,
the mom ruins it the mom ruins it I cannot my unless unless she's Super sweet and cute and she makes no right, but I'm saying if the mom is crazy I'm just like all mom suck.
We hate them moms moms are the worst No, I was saying if she's crazy then she can easily - Absolutely. - Okay, my in -laws are literally the worst people I know. - Damn.
- Both. - Okay, after our baby was born, we tried to set a little boundary about not coming over to our house sick and not bringing the massive oversized dog in our house. - This all makes sense. - My child is now turning three and we haven't seen them since.
Oh, freak. I cannot believe people will let family members go over petty things. I don't know if this is just like a phenomenon that is going on right now or if my family just really sucks people or what?
I have a younger brother who because my parents quit going to church has disowned our entire family. We also have not spoken to him for almost two years. I just feel like there's one in every family and I just know if this is how it's been for all time,
way sad. - Whoa, this sounds so dramatic. - So sad and like why? I agree with you though, like over petty things, it's so stupid. - If your baby's three, that means you had your baby around when COVID was a thing,
which everybody was scaring you about getting your kids sick. And like even now just like kids getting sick is scary. So I think people should respect that. We literally made people wear gloves when they held CV,
gloves and masks because she was born in 2020. - 2020, yes. - Yeah, so, and I don't know, gosh. I mean, I look back now and I'm like, okay, that was a little dramatic, but still. - A little,
but it's, but it is like also it's just like your boundary and people Yes, your boundary. Yes. Yeah, like if you go about it a kind way, it's not their child I feel like I'm doing everything all wrong with my life I'm at the stage where I have friends getting married and pregnant and I'm just here never knowing what the kind of love feels It's a silly thing to be thinking about really I just have resulted in
focusing on school and work and it's good But gosh, I wish I had everything in between sometimes that's so valid hard the comparing thing 90 % of these vents are when it comes down to it is the comparing I think.
Mm -hmm. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to see everybody else doing what you want to be doing and what you think you're supposed to be doing right now, but everybody's roads are different.
You could be getting really good at your schooling and getting into a career and getting 10 years of that. Sometimes it could be completely different, right? My sister is feeling the same way right now. She's only 26,
but she feels like she's old. She's not not like dating anybody to, you know, get there or whatever, but like she's killing it in her career. She's, you know, she's a therapist and so smart.
And she is just like building that foundation of like, I can take care of myself, which I think is such a cool thing. I, you know, I wasn't there when I was 21 and got married, like I needed,
you know, to be taken care of. So all these older people that I know that are not married and can take care of themselves and have their own careers and are doing their own thing. I think it's so cool. - Yeah. - Like it's amazing.
So, I don't know. It's just different for everybody. - It is, and it's so hard to feel confident in your-- - Where you're at. - The way my in -laws treat my husband is very frustrating. We're in a family business and all work together every day,
that's bold. My husband and his younger brother are set to take over when his parents are done. His brother is very challenging to deal with and treats my husband like garbage. Very such a crybaby and nothing is fair type of person.
All his problems are because of someone else. My husband is very non -confrontational and would rather keep the peace. My brother -in -law will find anything and everything to one -up my husband and says very nasty things to him.
His parents only enable his behavior telling my husband he needs to be the bigger person and that's just his personality and be a good older brother. My husband has become the dormant of the family and it has really affected his self -esteem.
I'm trying to not have resentment against my in -laws because they have plenty of great qualities and in the end your family is what matters most. Having a big family meeting is basically out of the question because my brother -in -law would just get mad and storm.
I'm at a loss on how to navigate this and it's so exhausting to have negative energy always around. Oh, that's really hard. Family businesses are really hard. Yeah. Working with family, I can't even imagine how close quarters that is.
Gosh, I don't know. That's a hard one. Yeah, That is really really really maybe better help better better help will help you do that. Yeah, maybe I'll help you get through Okay, this is a good one to end on and not a banger wrap it all Why is our world so immersed with trying to be better than everyone else and one up each other?
I'm so over the pressure of society it makes me want to just move to a farm cook fresh food raise kids But also have money to do whatever the hell I want Yeah, yeah, and then farm to table ballerina farm to take our - Girl ballerina farmer,
can you tell us how that lifestyle is? - Ugh, you know what? First things first, delete your social media. - Yep, but start there. - Seriously, try it. - Get some therapy, delete your social media. - It really is scary,
like you feel like such an outsider. I have no idea what's going on, like legit, nothing. But it also feels so nice because all I care about is what's going on in my little world.
I don't care about what's going on in other people's world. And - It's such a nice feeling, you know? - With a little bubble. - Yeah, I'm in my own little bubble, and I love it. So, I mean, seriously, if you, whoever wrote in,
if you have your social media still, just try and delete it for a week. - Yeah, and just see if that can-- - And see if that helps, I bet it will. - Okay, happy day, don't compare yourselves. - Thanks for venting to us. - Keep venting,
venting's good for the soul. - It really is. - Get it off your chest. We should do these monthly, I don't know, I kinda like them. - I know. - Me too, that was fun. - It's good. - I love a good bent session and it just always makes,
it just feels so relatable. - Yeah. - Because everybody has their thing and so hearing other people's, it's like, okay. - And I'm sure people will listen and be like, oh my gosh, I deal with that too. - Or same. - Yeah, which is so great.
- Yeah, which we can't always give you advice. We don't, we're not, you know, but there's professionals for that. - There's professionals for that. So better help, you know. - Yeah, - They're a good one. - Okay, well thank you guys so much. Make sure to like,
subscribe, and download. - Hug your people. - Then hug them again. Bye. - Love you. (upbeat music)