#53 S3 EP 14 From Atheism to a Life of Faith: An Inspiring Transformation

Just to see another day , because , you know , look at all the things we go through in life . And God spared us . Hallelujah , absolutely . You know it is so , it's so wonderful . Amen Be spared .

But now , to God , be the glory , she has been transformed and she has a story for all of us , amen . So we want to say hello , hello , audrey .

We also pray that anything we might have done , said or thought to anybody else , we ask your forgiveness and that they forgive us . We pray in the name of Jesus , asking as we go into your word and just get into this podcast that be as you have it to be .

We counsel any assignment that the enemy might have that will be sent back into the picture of where it came from . We pray in the name of Jesus . Have your way in us and to us . In Jesus Christ's name , we do pray , say thank you , thank you , amen , amen , amen .

But she has a very encouraging story and we're going to , we'll be talking here and there , but primarily we'll just be asking her some questions about her life and where she is and what God has showed her , and all of that throughout this interview . But , audrey , can you tell us a little bit about who you were then and who you are now ?

My mom , you know , raised me as a single mom , but she also was very young and so I grew up with her taking me to parties and so that she could party and I would babysit the kids and or I would be in the back with the other kids and so I was exposed to some things , you know , when the adults weren't around and anyway .

So I grew up kind of in that environment . My grandparents were the most stability I had in my life because they all lived in the same home all the time , whereas me and my mom we were moving all the time , like I would never get to settle down and create friendships .

You know it was almost like the moment I did we had to up and leave overnight or something . But my grandparents , they brought in some stability to my life , but they also didn't really know the power of God .

So you know they would talk about prayer and they would talk about God , and they maybe would talk about Jesus sometimes , but mostly just remembering talking about God . They called me the devil's child for painting my nails black .

So I grew up hearing these kinds of stories and I craved to have these experiences for myself , but nothing ever happened for me Nothing at all . I've seen some things that I thought maybe had been ghosts , but now , as I'm an adult , I'm pretty sure sometimes it could have just been like physics .

You know , like you close one door and then another one that was open slams shut because of the wind circulation in the house or something you know , whereas when you're a kid it's like it freaks you out .

Oh God , they reincarnated into their bodies , and so I , like , tried to enter into that , you know , and allow that to happen to me , and just nothing ever worked , right , right .

They use witchcraft , they use power and they they know that God is God , but they they believe that Satan is wiser , and you know that they want to and that they want to follow his ways . And then there's an atheistic Satanism and it's on the rise right now .

And so basically I was an atheist , but I used Satan as a symbol of rebellion against religion and societal constructs , and so that would kind of lead more towards the Gothic side of things . You know , like I liked , I drew pentagrams on everything , I drew upside down crosses on everything . I I even carved a pentagram into my wrist , wow .

So yeah , I just got really dark into that kind of stuff , but it was all really just symbolism to me . I never had any spiritual experiences with any of it . So I , just after trying to have spiritual experiences and nothing ever happening , and then all the bad going on in the world . I just resorted to yeah , like there's no God .

You know , I've tried and I was a good person . I thought you know , and so , yeah , I just resorted to atheism . But with this satanic twist on it , I just was really into a lot of dark stuff .

So , you know , I share my testimony , which is a part of my identity , but none of it affects me anymore . You know , the trauma doesn't linger , the trauma doesn't define who I am anymore . Right Christ defines who I am . That's right , amen . And it's not just me singing that . You know , it is actually true .

It has happened where I've just had conversations with Holy Spirit and God will reveal with a lie that I believe about myself or a trauma that I experienced and how it's affected my life , and then will give me the truth and then it sets me free . You know , it breaks the bondage and it breaks the power of the traumas and the lies that we've believed .

You know what I mean , because , because that's how seems to me that that's how people get on this path towards even deeper into darkness , because they are depressed , because they are misled or misunderstood and they listen to the lie . You know what I mean .

They listen to the lie , they listen to what people have to say , versus just realizing look , I'm having a bad day . You know what I mean . It doesn't have to go any deeper than that . You know what I mean . And , and you know , here we want to teach people to see that diamond , the beauty , in the ashes . You know what I mean .

That's , that's really the whole point of why this podcast is really existing now is that there's so much depression , so much misunderstanding , so much . You know so much of the thing that's driving people into . You know those dark places , whether it's suicide or whatever , have you ?

These things are leading people there , and this is the point , and this is really the biggest reason why we want to have people here to who've experienced it and come out of it . Does that make sense ?

For me the darkness is really sort of young because my like I said my mom she was in , she would also try witchcraft and stuff off and on , and my dad listened to metal , like heavy metal , and watched horror movies , and so I grew up watching horror movies and listening to that kind of music with him and mom .

And for her , she was mistreated by her family because they didn't understand her . They didn't understand all the spiritual stuff and anything spiritual was deemed demonic . They didn't know the power of the Holy Spirit , they didn't know about the gifts of the spirit and how to walk in the spirit .

So , and the Bible says that the gifts are without repentance , and that means that's why we have psychics , we have people that are able to tap into some spiritual knowledge and wisdom and the gifts of the spirit without them even realizing it . But that's what it is .

You know , sometimes it can be demonic , but also sometimes it's just the gifts of the spirit , and but without discipleship , without knowing the real gospel . You know , people stray away towards more of the demonic side because they're being deceived , to think that , oh , god isn't into these things , and so I think that's a part of what drew me into .

The darker side of things is because I never knew that Jesus was powerful . I never knew about the Holy Spirit , neither did my mom .

And so when you start having dreams and you are hungering for the supernatural and it seems like God's not about that kind of stuff , and the only Christians you meet are very judgmental , very mean , and my grandparents weren't always like that , but they definitely could be and they definitely are a lot more gracious nowadays , like I'm so thankful , you know they've

all matured also in their relationship with God . You know , we all always are growing , and so back when I was younger I just felt really judged by them and they didn't really know who I was . And so then you lean towards Sorry , you fall . You see the supernatural in movies and it's usually on the darker side of things . So I kind of .

And then I also think that you lean towards the darker side of things .

When you see that all that is supposed to represent light and life , you know on the God side and about Jesus , is not really showing any kind of power or potential , then you will lean towards the opposite , almost in a mocking way , because so many people you know are preaching to you that you need to give your life to Jesus , you need to give your life to

God , but nobody is really showing you why , why , and you don't really see the point because all you see is this horrible stuff happening in the world and these people you know seemingly kind of ignorant to like spiritual things . So I guess that's kind of my take on that . So that led me into feeling that .

And then you know , when you dress that way , you get bullied a lot , you get made in front of a lot , and so that doesn't help depression , yeah , so yeah . But so what led me to know Jesus is I was in a abusive relationship right out of high school . It caused me to flunk college and we were living together and it became very intense .

Actually , when I started going to church , some of my friends that I worked with they were very alternative and they were kind of Gothic too , but they went to this church and I was really intrigued . They invited me to go , so I thought , okay , sure , I'll check it out .

And almost everybody there had like piercings and tattoos and came from similar background to me .

So I start going to this church and for the first time ever , I'm hearing Christians talk about angels and demons and walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and I see them praying for people and they see people getting set free and I just thought , whoa , this is what it's supposed to be like . And so I was going there .

But we me and my fiance we were living together and I started to feel very convicted and we just started getting in these crazy fights and it became suicidal , like the fights would become very threatening and we would threaten to kill each other . We bought ourselves in the bathroom and we were hitting each other .

I mean , it just got really crazy out of hand .

You know , we wanted to so honor the people we were with . So , anyways , I broke up with my fiance and I just had this sense of hope , like I don't have to put up with this guy anymore , you know .

And when he came up , we just really Collected , like we never had clicked before and and we were immediately together and he just loved me in a way that I'd never experienced before .

Well , and he also was an atheist and he would say that he believed he was his own God and he liked that I was happier going to church and that I was Really intrigued by everything that was happening . But it kind of made me feel like I was a Child , you know , or like I was being naive or goable .

He never said that to me , but that's kind of how I started to feel , and so I started to not go anymore and I started to not really Talk about God as much anymore . Okay , well then , jump ahead .

He was in the army already , and then I joined the army and we both Said that we would use the military for their educational benefits and the financial benefits and everything . And we got married and we wanted to be the next , like Rob zombie and and sherry moon zombie . And so those are . He's a . He's a metal artist and a movie director .

Mm-hmm and he makes horror movies , and so we both really were into that kind of thing . I we used to do like murder Makeup and zombie makeup and death scenes , and that was our hobby .

Mm-hmm , and Five weeks or so into my basic training I get woken up at 1130 by Some sergeants in really fancy uniforms and they tell me to come with them downstairs , and so me and my battle buddy , we go downstairs with them and then they proceed to tell me that my husband was dead and so I was , I think , 19 and yeah , that just really threw me overboard

and I had injured my Achilles tendon , I had torn it and I so I was on profile .

I couldn't do Very much of the PT , and so they said that they were just honorably discharged me and then if I wanted to rejoin that , I could later on , so that next month it just led me down this spiral of doing drugs and alcohol and drinking alcohol and Just anything I could get my hands on .

I was going to Meta the metaphysical Places trying to find books on how to summon the dead and how to stay connected to the dead . Yeah , I was so heartbroken , I didn't want to let him go , and so I was trying to find any possible way I could stay with him and Then that . So that really broke me .

And even though I was Gothic and I was into a lot of dark stuff , I didn't like the party much . I didn't . I definitely didn't like drugs Because of my dad doing drugs and that caused him to not be in my life . So I didn't have a very addictive personality like I would go back and forth with smoking like I . It wasn't anything I ever needed .

It was socially . I drink , socially Right .

But at this point I become so broken I just did everything I could get my hands on and so it really humiliated myself , like I humiliated myself . It was very humbling and I felt very ashamed that I had let myself go that far .

And my grandpa invited me to go with him to the mountains and so I went with him and and it's really neat because three years later I found out that these mountains are called the Sangrated Crystal Mountains , which means the blood of Christ . So that was three years later .

But so now to go back , I go to the mountains with my grandpa and we're talking about God's like every night and Just all kinds of random , bizarre things . Any idea you could think you know aliens , right , and it's all this stuff .

Okay , so anyways , one night or one day I get this phone call and it just was very upsetting and I just kind of broke down and I just felt like my whole life was falling apart and I wasn't gonna be able to ever catch back up or anything and I Was complain . I started just complaining to God like why this ? Why did he have to deny ?

Why does this happen to me ? Why did it ? Has all of these bad things happen to all the good people that I know in my life ? And you're not real . I hate you . You can't be real . This is this , is this , and I was just literally cursing God out and then I just heard him say if I'm not real , then why do you curse me ?

I think that we all have to have that moment where we get naked before him Mmm Right , you know what I mean Before things can truly change .

And that's the reality check for us , because we want to see these things in our presence but we can't trust the one that we can't see , like this scripture says , you know , and I would definitely say , yeah , that's our open and I believe that everyone has had or need to have .

It's just that moment that I truly believe that everybody must have an order to be able to receive what the Lord has for us . You know what I mean Amen .

Yeah , and I heard you mentioned about judgment and so that for me , that I know that that's a connector , whereas when people feel judged , that's what they do they put up a wall and you know they make themselves unreachable . So what's your thought in that regard ?

And that's what I did , and so I had these walls up , and so when I had this moment of realizing who God was , or him speaking to me in that way , that showed in that it was also met with so much power and love that those are the words that I heard in my heart and my soul .

But what was also coming into me was him saying I never wanted these things to happen for you .

I didn't do these things to you , and it was like my whole life was flashing before my eyes and he was showing me how he's actually always been there for me and that he's never been separated for me and that he wasn't the one doing those things to me and that he doesn't want these things to happen to people , that he loves everyone , and that I had these

walls up and I couldn't receive his love .

I couldn't see him there , and now that I know his presence and I know his love , there were times when I was severely depressed and I was very , I was in a lot of despair during my high school days where I would self harm , and there were times that there was this overwhelming presence but I didn't know who it was or what it was .

But now I know it was God . He was there with me in those moments .

One sided , my mom had a victim mentality , and she'll admit that . She admits that she had a victim mentality , and so she's . You know , she's trying to do her own interviewing and stuff too . But yeah , I definitely would say that I had a victim mentality .

But at the same time I was raised by a single mom who'd really tried to do the best that she could , and so she . She's a pretty strong , independent woman , and so I also was kind of raised with this mentality of like sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what you have to do , do what's right .

And then when I did come to encounter Jesus and I was just hearing from Holy Spirit myself , I mean , things just started happening right away , like I was being put in the right place at the right time , my prayers were being answered , I was being drawn to reading the Word and when I would read anything about who we are in Christ , like especially Paul's letters

, and about Jesus's heart for us , where Jesus was talking about , especially like John 17 , when he prays for the disciples , but then he also prays for everyone that would believe because of them sharing the gospel , which would be us .

Yeah , all of those things broke addictions and habits and lies off of my life , because it showed me who I was the whole time and like what my destiny was and who I was in God and that he's not holding anything against me but we hold it over ourselves or the world holds it over us , and that creates that shame , that judgment , those walls .

Religion can divide , can divide , it can absolutely divide , destroy , steal , it can do all of that .

You know what I mean Religion in itself , and you know , as you were sharing your testimony on your podcast , it's just you know the things that you experienced , just what you shared , it just kind of blew my mind and if you could just kind of , in a nutshell , kind of share with everybody who's listening what you endured , endured in regard to the religion side

that tried to overpower the relationship side of you and Jesus .

But when I , so after I had my encounter , I felt like , okay , I need to go back home , I need to get a job , I need to get my life in order . I mean , suddenly I just went from being so broken and feeling like such a victim and hopeless to .

I just was like , within a day , I felt so empowered , I felt so inspired , I just had vision , and so I just knew I needed to go back home and so I did , and I started working again . And then I went back to that church that I had gone to before , where they were talking about Holy Spirit and miracles and all of that , and so I jumped in .

Oh , my goodness , like I , I dove into that and I started listening to like teachings all the time , sermons all the time , and I was experiencing Holy Spirit and I was seeing miracles .

I mean I would , me and my friends would go out and pray for people and we saw people getting healed , we saw people getting delivered of demons and just a lot of amazing stuff that I'd always wanted .

And so this church , they were discipling us , they were training us in how to do this stuff , and so it was amazing for like two and a half years or maybe two years .

And then , and then our pastor got this idea and he thought , you know , if we could and it's , I mean , it's a good idea to to send , you know , lots of people out to different countries at the same time to go and preach the gospel , and and so he just became totally devoted to that .

But then he kind of became obsessed with it and and raising the money for it , and things just really started to shift . Also , the Lord was bringing me and my friends into a deeper revelation of God's grace and and God's love and forgiveness , whereas what we were preaching all the time was the law and judgment .

I mean , we would go out on the streets and we would like use a megaphone and stand on corners yelling at people that they needed to repent or perish and that you know hell is real , jesus saves Like you need to .

You know just all the stuff , and that God can't be around them and that they have to change their ways before God can help them or or be in their life , you know . And so it's just full of a lot of condemnation and a lot of fear .

And I had the mark , or I had the Romans road memorized . Do you know about the Romans road ? The ?

So they think that's the way of leading people to salvation and I'm sure that it has blessed many people and has helped people and so . But I used to use that and then one of my biggest experiences that shifted my whole walk with the Lord from being religion to relational was when I was reading through the Bible . So this is how extreme my church was .

They wanted to read through the whole Bible as a congregation in the month of February . That's crazy , right .

I mean because you can read . I mean , yeah , you can read the Bible in a week , but the point is , are you understanding what you're reading ?

And so I get to Romans and you know a lot of people have heard the verse and Romans 3 , 23 , that says for all of sinned and fallen short of a glorious God , okay , and that's something that I used to go out and I would scream at people . I had love in my heart , but you know , it was very , still very digital .

And so I'm reading this and I'm coming up to it and I , for some reason , I get all giddy and excited . I'm like , oh , I know this verse coming up , like I have a part of the Bible memorized , I don't know .

And then I read it , and then I read the next verse , yeah , and the very next verse says but now all have been made righteous through the one man , jesus Christ , and my job dropped .

And that is when I realized that I was been preaching the false gospel , that my something I have major part of the story is being left out , and that's basically because my church , they were scared of grace .

They thought that they knew what grace was and they talked about it sometimes , but they mostly bashed people that talked about those too much Because they were scared of greasy grace . They were scared of a license to sin . People hearing the gospel and thinking it's a license to sin .

And Paul addresses that in the New Testament many times , but he doesn't stop preaching grace . Nope , he never does Right . Because how does a family , how does a healthy family function ? With grace , With love , with forgiveness ? And that is the trinity , that is our God . Family , that's God , that's Holy Spirit , that's Jesus .

They are a family and now we become a part of that family and they love us .

If any human being can love another human being with so much grace and so much compassion and so much forgiveness , over and over and over again , and to believe the best for somebody to the point of them being abused , then how much more so does love itself , how much more so does God and Jesus learn that died for us ?

And then you go on to read in Romans 8 . It literally says that God's not judging the world anymore , because all judgment has been poured out on Jesus and because he's already given us his most precious gift Jesus , he will give us anything else and that he's not counting our sins against us anymore .

And so really , the gospel is that God is with us and loving us , and he has already done what needed to be done to return us back to himself , to bring his children back into his loving arms . But we walk around with so much fear and shame and condemnation . I mean , that's the first thing Adam and Eve did .

They went and hid themselves , but God came to them in the garden .

We can come to him with all of our shame . We can come to him with our trauma . We can come to him with our hurts and our pains , because God is love and God is that power source that can heal us , deliver us , save us and usher us into a life of freedom .

They're in their process of seeing the light of who they are . They are in the process of coming out of darkness . They are understanding , seeing the beauty in offense . I want you to , in everything that you're about to tell us , speak to . Your life is not your own . Okay , to take the place of refuge . Jesus' wonderland .

I want you to speak to all of that , and then we're going to be done .

But in that moment , god said your life isn't yours to take , your life isn't your own . And so I just want to encourage anyone that is feeling that intense , overwhelming desire to get out of any kind of shame , to get out of any kind of burden . Your life is not yours . But God doesn't just say that so that he can control your life .

He says that because he has another beautiful gift to offer , and that's that his yoke is easy , his burden is light , and the yoke is like when two oxen are working side by side there's a big oxen and there's a little oxen or an oxen that's never been trained before , and so he is the big ox that is connected to us , that carries the brunt of weight , and

we're just walking side by side with him and he will lead you and he will guide you . He will lead you into all truth , and we talked about walls and something that the Lord showed me earlier this year , because somebody said why is it that everyone just has these big encounters with God when they've had a mental breakdown ?

And the Lord said it's because when you have let down all your walls and everything that you thought you knew , you realized doesn't mean anything anymore and nothing else matters to you , all of your walls have fallen , and when all of those walls drop , the only thing left is God's love .

So you are his diamond , you are unconditionally loved and God is a safe space . You can trust him , you can trust Jesus , you can trust Holy Spirit to lead and guide you into freedom and truth . They are with you always , and the only thing that separates us from them is our own shame , thinking that we can't turn to them . But they want it all .

They want the mess . They don't expect you to get yourself cleaned up . They don't hold anything against you that you've done or that has been done to you .

Yeah , you know , because I can speak for myself . I went through things in life where I almost took my life numerous of times and it was almost like a sense of closure and a burden that I have been carrying , a weight that I have been carrying for so long that it just like , I mean it just made me like completely speechless .

I mean that was deep and powerful .

Come on , somebody , hallelujah . So tell us about a little bit before we get ready to go , but tell the people and every diamond out here about your podcast .

It basically just means that he wants to provide for us in any way possible . We all have to eat , we all have to drink in order to live life and to survive , and so he's saying let me be your sustenance , you know , come to me for all your needs . And he also says that we will experience the kingdom of heaven .

There's a beautiful divine exchange , you know , like , if you read Isaiah 53 , he was healed , or he was crushed for our iniquities . He was , you know , whipped and bruised for us and by his stripes we are healed .

And so when we think on that , when we have communion or when we're just in fellowship with him , it can literally bring healing into your body and to your life . So it's about that and it's about just intriguing people to realize that , no matter who you are , where you are , you can experience Jesus , you can experience the kingdom of heaven on earth now .

You don't have to wait until you die . Jesus preached that the kingdom of heaven is at hand , and then he told his disciples to go and release that kingdom and that nothing has changed . He still wants us to experience the kingdom of heaven . That's a part of receiving eternal life . That's right . Eternity is even now .

So I just try to encourage people in knowing that there's nothing keeping them from encountering God's love , god's freedom , and I also do some teachings on there and some biblical meditations , and then me and my husband read through the Bible together . Sometimes he's a pretty funny guy and so we laugh a lot and we just really love the joy of the Lord .

The joy of the Lord has really transformed our lives as well .

I'm hoping to get back into either weekly or at least every other week , okay , well , yeah , and I interview a lot of people , so it's mostly interviews , because I know a lot of people and I know a lot of people that know a lot of people who live this lifestyle , they experience the supernatural , and so I'm trying to capture people's testimonies where they will

also share that they've experienced the kingdom of heaven on earth and just to help really prove to people that Christians aren't crazy Right , come on , do really actually experience these things and that it's more prevalent than you realize .

We've signed up , I've signed up for it so that I can know when new episodes are coming out . But I'm going to definitely continue to listen because it's very much an encouragement to me , because as we give , we need to take as well . You know what I mean . We're constantly serving all the time .

We need to be getting fed as well as we are giving it to others . Amen . So , before we go , we're going to definitely close with prayer . So , father , we thank you so much for your grace and your mercy . First and foremost , thank you for bringing this relationship together . We pray for Audrey and her husband and her family , god .

Pray , lord , for her podcast and we pray for all of her future endeavors that bring glory to you . We pray for the diamonds every diamond , god that you have created

. Father . We bless and we pray that they will continue to be clarified in you . Father , I pray those that are in darkness will come out into your light . You would draw them out . In the name of Jesus , continue to bless this podcast , god .

Pray that you will continue to bless all that we encounter and continue to build us up and give us what we need that brings you glory . Father , we bless your name , we bless all that you have called us to do . We pray this prayer and we thank you , god , in your precious name . Jesus Christ , we do pray , amen , amen , amen .