#127 S4 EP 37: Achieving Marital Unity: Pastor Jeeva Sam’s Unbreakable Marriage & Mentorship Insights

But anyhow , if you didn't know , I'm Catherine and I'm Michael . Yeah , and we got a special guest with us today . We'll tell you all about him in just a second , after we pray and everything but outside of that . Honey , how are you today ? Are you doing okay today ?

You know there's something in your spirit that's trusting God yeah , absolutely , because this is God's diamonds .

You know there's something inside of us that God put in us , that is shining Amen , and we are always excited that we can pour in help to restore what might have been lost through everyday chaos and , you know , seasons of life or whatever have you , but I'm great and excited to be here once again .

So , um , before we bring in our guest , I'm just gonna call him mr sam , because I'm not sure how to pronounce his name and I don't want to mess it up .

Y'all know I am about names , but I could tell you his name is uh , his last name is sam , and he and his wife have , uh , they have experienced some things in life and , um , now at a place where they can help , uh , help you , help us with saying staying centered in regard to your marriage and , I'm sure , other things , but centered in your marriage , that

it be centered in christ . So , but before he comes in , let's go ahead and we're gonna pray first and foremost dear father , our lord and our savior , jesus christ , once again to say thank you .

We pray in the name of Jesus that any things that he might try to get in or interrupt or disrupt or confuse what you have to say to your people be sent back into the picture where it came from . Pray in the name of Jesus again , that your Holy Spirit will just have its way . Have your way , god , in this moment .

It all in Jesus name , thank you amen amen amen .

So Mr Sam is here . Would you please say hello to our audience , or to our diamonds , and say your whole name yourself , because I don't want to mess it up .

So just give us a little bit of background on how you got there , okay , so what we actually said in the bio is that's the vision God gave us . Oh , that's a vision , okay .

So I was a pastor in a denominational church in Canada and along the way in our 26th year of marriage , one of the Canadian Christian television stations approached us and said hey , we're doing the 40-day love dare from the movie Fireproof .

So we took up the challenge , yeah , and when we completed it , or even as we were going through it , people started to contact us and say we're having difficulties in our marriage , can you help us ? And we are like no , no , no , we didn having difficulties in our marriage , can you help us ?

And we are like no , no , no , we didn't come on this show to help anybody , we just came to be accountable . Yeah , yeah , my wife had this little nudge from the Holy Spirit that said I'm actually calling you to do some ministry with married couples .

She told me that and I said I have worked with married couples in distress in my pastoral ministry and we don't want to go there because they'll suck the life out of you . Right , right , right . So she you know being a submissive woman said okay , you know , if you're not ready for it , we won't push it Right .

But what ended up happening was everywhere we would go , sometimes in conferences and so on , people would spot us and they'd say aren't you the couple that was on the 100 Harley Street , the club there ? Yes , we are . And so every time one of those things happened , she always felt like that was God's way of reminding us .

But I still was stubbornly refusing it until I started mentoring some believers in the marketplace , some high achievers , and they were all doing really , really well , doubling their businesses and all that kind of stuff and then it seemed like they hit a ceiling .

And so I'm a little bit confounded because they're doing all the right things but they're not breaking through the ceilings . And so I'm a little bit confounded because they're doing all the right things but they're not breaking through the ceilings . And so I'm just , you know , asking Holy Spirit , like , what's going on ? What should I do with these guys ?

Right , right , and I heard him say very clearly ask them all about their marriage . And when I asked them about their marriage individually , every one of them admitted that their marriage was not the way God ordained it to be . There was friction , there was lack of unity and harmony , communication issues , you know , sexual issues , all this kind of stuff .

And it's like , okay , if that unity is not there , how can God command his blessings on your marriage ? Yeah , so it was like a bit of a wake-up call for them . And now I still didn't , you know , jump into doing something with marriage at that point . But that kind of made an impact upon me .

And then we hit a stretch where a number of those guys all called within a few weeks of each other saying listen , we're high profile in our communities and our churches . We cannot just go to anybody . We need someone like you who will honor our privacy , guarantee confidentiality and help us to get through what we're going through .

At that point I felt like the Holy Spirit had me in a corner . I said , okay , you win , holy Spirit , I'm going to do it . And so we basically sought his guidance , hired a couple of coaches to help us put together a framework , started looking for couples .

First couple came on board and within about four weeks , things began to change and I was like okay , god , I think you're confirming that this is what we're supposed to do . So that was back in 2016 . So since then , we have refined the process .

We've gone ourselves and received ministry for our marriage , learned from other marriage experts and put it all together . So we are now at a point where we can actually guarantee breakthrough for a married couple facing breakdown , often in as little as 10 weeks . They follow everything we tell them to do and stay accountable to us .

So the enemy knows that he cannot actually get you to renounce your faith or do something you know like really stupid , but he knows that he can mess with any marriage and create friction between the couples . Yeah , it doesn't always have to be a huge wall , it could be just a thin membrane .

You know just something that will cause you to stop communicating or look at the other person you know with suspicion as the enemy .

Like it's really interesting because , like you , all your show , it's about , like seeing the way that god sees you and and one of the things that often happens in marriage , as we go along , as we go past friction and tension , get into conflict , then we begin to see each other as the enemy .

We don't say it that way , but really , the way we talk to each other , the way we fight each other , we're not seeing the other person as a child of God , uniquely made and made to be your complimentary person in the marriage , but you see them as this person who is not letting you have your way , who's treating you poorly and so on .

And so that picture that you have of your spouse needs to line up with the picture that God has of them , the way that God sees them . And so out of that vision and seeking that vision , then of course you know your mindset has to shift . And then , when your mindset shifts , your thoughts change , then your behavior will change as well . Amen

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Okay , this cup says here's coffee , but if she want to take a sip , she can . We understand that . That means everything is each other's .

And the second reason I think that marriages fail is when the male , his part , is the head of the house and when he do not fulfill that commandment of God being the head and the woman's the head , everything's out of order . And that's why I think that most marriages fall .

Fail is because of those two things right there man not taking his role and you're splitting things down the middle .

It's called the unbreakable marriage , and so in that book we actually have a chapter on alignment . The alignment that God has in mind for the family , which of course includes marriage . So it's really based on 1 Corinthians 11 , 3 , where Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife , christ is the head of the husband and the head of Christ is God .

So that's where the alignment begins . And then , of course , in Ephesians 5 , 21-33 , it fleshes out more and talks about what the man should do , what the woman should do . And , frankly , when a man loves his wife as Christ , loves his church which is what he's called to do and loves himself as his own body , then women don't have a problem with submission .

That's right . When the guy tries to demand submission , which is not at all the Christ-like thing to do , that's right . Then submission becomes a four-letter word and then it causes rebellion and all sorts of issues . So it's a little bit like , you know , when your spine is out of alignment , it affects the way you walk , that's right Every part of your body .

But you go and get an adjustment and you put your spine back in place . Then everything is fine . So now , in alignment , or with a car , if your wheels are out of alignment , you're going to go off the road and the tires will wear out . In a marriage , you'll wear each other out .

It is not something that is taught that much even within the church because there's always some pushback to it because of the influence of the feminist movement and so on , and we recently actually run into situations where the wife makes more money than the husband and believes that she has the right to make decisions with her husband's influence , because she is kind

of the main in front of her , and all of that is totally out of alignment . Absolutely , that's right . So that is something we definitely stress . I'll tell you what we find . So this is a statement . It's the fundamental principle on which we operate our mentorship , and the principle is that you have no such things as marriage problems .

You are two individuals with your own problems , coupled together in a marriage . In other words , what did you bring into the marriage that still remains unhealed ? It could be childhood trauma . It could be stuff that happened to you in previous relationships or within your family .

It could be some beliefs that you picked up along the way that are not godly , that you're living by . So once we identify the brokenness that somebody brings into the marriage , then you stop blaming each other . Instead you focus on your own healing to make sure that those hurts are healed , especially trauma .

I'm actually totally shocked by how much childhood trauma people bring into America these days , mainly because our divorce rate as a rule is very high in both the US and in Canada and almost the Western civilizations . So children grow up in broken homes to start with , and even the parents didn't have godly models of marriage to follow .

So their parents , based on what they hear from Oprah , dr Phil and not necessarily the Bible , and so even unintentionally , often will inflict hurt upon their children because they're hurting on the inside . You probably heard the saying hurt people , hurt people , and so what we find is , once we help somebody , identify those and receive healing .

And receive healing often means forgiving people who hurt you , you know , repenting of judgments you made against them , breaking off some generational ties that may be following you without you even realizing it , and so it's an elaborate process , but once that and then you both relate to each other as healed individuals .

Now things like sharing everything it's all ours in common , that giving up that ownership of your own stuff that becomes like like a no-brainer , like right right right all these hurts and let's say that in your past you know like somebody actually you know hurt you by . you know where you had your , your funds , put together in a pool .

Without your knowledge they went in and spent stuff . Now , now you're on guard . It's like I'm never going to let that happen to me again . So my money is my money , your money is your money . Like that kind of stuff , a lot of it is based on you know what we've experienced before .

Right , you know some of the teachings that the world that are picked up from the world as well . That's deep .

Two , three , four , five times they've been married and you're like Scott , look , it ain't the woman or it ain't the man , it's probably you . You know what I mean , because something whatever's wrong has never been fixed , it's never been healed , it's never been dealt with , and so you just keep bringing . Every time .

It's like packing a bag , putting it on your shoulder , going into somebody else's house and bringing all this stuff with you and then packing it all up and making that bag a little bit bigger and taking it to the next house and packing that one up , and you know what I mean .

And then you got this repetitive cycle and eventually , when , especially when you get into the hands of god , he make you unpack that bag . You you know what I mean , absolutely . So talk about your framework .

We have to address it , but we cannot put the blame on them as the donkey that's right all the stuff that's going on in our lives . That's right .

Once we've got your stuff taken care of , and when both people take their care of their own stuff now they try to resolve some things that are actually dividing them , they will do so from a very different perspective . There won't be defensiveness , there'll be a total willingness . We have to get that unity back . That's right . So let's find a way .

So it's our job as marriage mentors to get them to that place of healing . And then we teach them and bring them on common ground and say here's a pattern that you can use to resolve conflict every time . Right , here's a godly way to handle your finances that will not cost life anymore .

Here's a way that you can actually make sure that you're spending enough time together and time apart . You know doing the things that you want to go . Here are some boundaries that you're going to set so you never get back into the mess that you got into before .

But for them to get to that point and be willing to apply them , they cannot have demons from the past . You know who are in the background kissing Adam Right . Those guys have to be put to rest , wow , and driven out back to the pit of hell .

. So you said you wrote a book . Is the framework in the book ? How exactly are you helping folks like that ?

That's our message , because , like we have a 100 , a wider audience . That's our message Because we have a 100% success rate . That's what we can offer money back guaranteed , because everyone that follows everything that we do and stays accountable gets their break . It's like a given .

And so he said listen , with that kind of a track record of success , you cannot keep this to yourself , because right now , the only people that know about this , what you're doing , the people that work with you one-on-one .

So why don't you write a book and put everything down , don't hold anything back , share everything in it , and that way couples can pick it up , work through it , get their breakthrough , or they can work with another couple . It will become like a mentoring couple who will give them a counter group .

Pastors can use it with couples , church groups can use it and so on . So make it available to a larger audience . So that's how the book came about . So in the book we hold absolutely nothing back . As a matter of fact , we followed up the book with an audio book because some people don't like to read these days .

There's the book with an audio book because some people don't like to read these days , and right , there's a lot of time on the road , it's easy to listen to it . Yeah , as a matter of fact , the other day , this uh young wife said I have a baby .

There's no way the baby's letting me read , but while I'm watching the baby I can still listen to an audio book . And then we came up with an e-book . So we took content , you know , in slightly abridged form of , of course , produced the e-course . So again , couples can use that , a church can use that and so on . So all of that , yeah , so there's .

Actually , if somebody would just get a hold of the book and be disciplined enough to go through it , do all the exercises , because you also have a workbook and a gratitude journal that all comes together as a package , or they get the e-book sorry , the e-course and then work through it again with the workbook and so on , people will be able to produce the same

results that we produce for them . You know , unless their marriage is like really , really on the rocks , where they're like two steps away from divorce court , they will not likely have the goodwill enough goodwill to actually work through it on their own .

So that's when they need to find somebody from the outside , whether it's us or a pastor or a couple like you . All who's been married for a while has gone through some stuff and you can then become a mentor to them .

If you want to get a hold of our e-course , then you go to our website and we are the SAMs from Canada , so our website is thesamsca . So if you go to thesamsca , then we have a description of our mentorship process .

We have some testimonials from couples who have gone through our process and got the breakthrough , and we also have a tab there that you can click on it and order the e-course , and then you know , know , work your way through , and the name of the book is again the unbreakable marriage .

We will meet with them for 45 minutes to an hour , do a deep dive in their marriage and make some recommendations of what they need to do to get their marriage back on track and then , if they choose to pursue those solutions with us through our mentorship , then we will also let them know the kind of commitment that we will make to them and the commitment we

expect them to make to us .

So I can definitely say I appreciate the way you all have your website set up . So it's a 10 week course basically of counseling or and or therapy , right ?

And I do have some expertise that I gained from seminary and 35 years in pastoral ministry , right , right , right , and some communication experiences in between , but we cannot call ourselves by any professional name simply because we're not .

So we are actually a couple now using our material to prepare themselves for marriage , so that the book becomes like a resource , a toolbox that they can keep throughout their marriage . So if you prepare yourself properly , you will never get to the repair stage .

And the third thing to go along with that is to find another couple within your family , in your church you know and other circles that you move in , who will become like a marriage mentor that you can look up to , somebody that you can maybe meet with once a month .

A lot of times couples wait too long to get help and by the time they try to get help , they're already sometimes at a point where the repair is too the damage is too much Right , so it puts all structures in place and you're increasing your chances considerably .

That lets you know that God is in control of it . But the moment that your car starts veering to the right or to the left , that means you've got to go and get the help that you need to get alignment . You're not going to let your car veer all the way off off the course without taking to the shop to get fixed .

I feel like that anybody that is here and you're having you're married and you don't even necessarily have to see anything wrong but it could be some things that's like kind of like underlined um , that you can't see , it's worth it to ask god , I mean simply just asking God is my marriage headed the direction you would have it ?

Because I don't believe it's no accident that you're here and listening to this particular broadcast or this particular episode . You're here on purpose , for purpose , and so find out what it is that God is saying to you . And if you're close to divorce , here's the answer you've been asking God for Go for it , amen . Don't let it die , it don't have to die .

As he said in the love day . He said you're willing to run into a house filled with fire , but you're going to let your own marriage filled with fire , but you're gonna let your own marriage um die , and you don't have to . And hallelujah to god . Be the glory that god has brought us together to be able to help , uh , help save your marriage , hallelujah .

So we're very grateful and thankful for you for coming on . Jeeva , no See .

I pray , lord , that you will give them the courage to take a step , even if it's a baby step , towards taking their marriage on a point of restoration . I pray for those , lord , that you are calling to set an example , to be a model for other couples to follow and , lord , I pray that you will raise up more of them .

I pray for the leadership of churches and ministries to themselves model that , but also be intentional about helping couples become those models to others . And I also pray for all who seek that one flesh unity , who have not yet found the person with whom they want to spend the rest of their life . I pray that you will lead them to that .

And the ones that have already found them , preparing for marriage , lord , may they go in with their eyes wide open , may they be aware of the realities and , above all , the reality that you are with them every step of the way , that marriage is not something that they have to try and figure out that your wisdom is available to anyone who asks , and in your

body , the church , you have placed others who will be able to walk along that journey with them , so that , lord , the world will know that you are who you say you are . By the way , we love one another , especially in our life . In Jesus' name , amen .