#124 S4 EP 34: Overcoming Addiction and Embracing Faith: Pastor Matthew’s Journey to Redemption

I'm sure it might just be an intense topic for somebody , but we are going to focus on the new man , not so much the old man , but the old man is definitely a part of the story . His name is Matthew . He's a pastor out in Pennsylvania . I'll let him explain himself . I'm getting ready to mess it up y'all . Y'all know how I do .

Sometimes we do apologize into the fold of the thing we're going to pray . Father , we thank you so much for your grace , your mercy . Thank you , god , for allowing us this opportunity , this , this , this , this day , that we can get to commune with you and talk with you , with , with , with your manservant . God , be able to be an enlightenment for your people .

I pray , god , that everyone that is here , that is here on purpose , god , we pray that we are able to speak life uh to your people . Use us to your glory . We thank you so much and we bless your name . We pray this prayer in the mighty name of Jesus Christ . We do pray Amen , amen and amen , hallelujah .

So Pastor Matthew is here and I want you to say hello to our diamonds .

I grew up in a Christian home and pretty conservative upbringing and went to the Christian school next to the church and attended youth group and everything Prayed to give my life to Christ . About seven years old , I remember that . But about 12 years old when puberty hit . I liked the girls and not the boys . I liked the boys and not the boys .

I liked the boys and not the girls rather , and really went through a lot with that in terms of struggling through that and not wanting to deal with it at all at first and then crying myself to sleep for a number of nights through those early years and praying the Lord would take that temptation away .

Later on , when the temptation didn't go away and the hormones raging in those teen years , I started to look at pictures I shouldn't look at , and sin is never satisfied , right ? So in the beginning what's thrilling , over time isn't thrilling anymore , so you kind of graduate to something more .

So it was video pictures and then videos and harder core stuff , and so , long story short , I moved out to the big cities and one city to another and got it got deeper and deeper into sin , in the places where nobody knew who I was and I could be anonymous and act out on the fantasies that I saw in the porn .

And so alcohol came before that alcohol and drugs to to kind of numb me and give me a sense of what I like to call counterfeit freedom , like I can finally have the guts to do the things that I didn't have the guts to do before . I was pretty meek and gentle growing up and so I acted on that .

And again , that was exciting at first , just like the porn was exciting at first . And then , five or six years in , friends were committing suicide and overdosing . I was in the hospital severe alcohol , drug addiction , and the Lord brought me to my knees through some tough stuff . They're reminding me of end times prophecy that I learned as a kid .

I had studied the Bible as a kid and memorized scripture in youth group and in school , and the Lord brought those scriptures back to mind that he's coming back in judgment . And I wasn't ready .

So 9-11 , for example , was a wake up call for me , where I saw that the Lord was bringing judgment on my country that has turned its back on on the lord and , um , I felt that I would be next . You know that I would be eventually judged for what I was doing and and I didn't .

It was a wake-up call and I cried that day when I saw the twin towers coming down , because I intimately related to the . The judgment of the lord that I felt was would come eventually on my life . But I didn't turn around right then and repent . I continued in my sin . I was full of pride and arrogance , and so the Lord used some other stuff .

It was kind of one thing after another Six months later , something else difficult would happen another six months later , and so the judgment , the fear of God , the Lord brought me to my knees in repentance , and that was 2010 .

Praise , the Lord Got on my knees at my bedside in Pittsburgh , pennsylvania , where I lived at the time , and prayed the sinner's prayer that I had remembered as a kid praying and really meant at this time , really , really knew that I was a sinner in desperate need of a savior , and praise the lord . He came in and and washed me clean in the blood .

I'll never forget the feeling that I had that I was truly forgiven and knew that I was forgiven . It was like the , like the apostle paul , where the , the scales fell off the guys . I once was blind . Now I can can see .

It was a little bit of a prodigal son story , a little bit of kind of my older brother , who hadn't gone out into deep sin , saw me being accepted back by some with open arms . The Lord had accepted me back and many had accepted me back . My parents had accepted me back and forgiven me , praise the Lord .

And so the older brother standing there , kind of like I didn't go out in deep sin and no one's here having a party for me , no one's applauding me , it's kind of , figuratively , that prodigal son story , and so the message I'm called to preach is not Easy to hear nowadays because my testimony ties into warnings about alcoholism and drug abuse things that are kind

of commonplace in many churches nowadays . Social drinking is more acceptable we shouldn't be legalist and it's all love and all that sort of thing . It ties into the judgment of God , which nobody wants to hear anymore . It calls people to repentance and put their faith in the Lord , jesus Christ , to surrender all . Nobody wants to hear about repentance anymore .

It calls people to repentance and put their faith in the Lord , jesus Christ , to surrender all . Nobody wants to hear about repentance anymore . We just want to talk about the love of God , and so a lot of things are offensive about my testimony , even apart from homosexuality being readily accepted by many churches nowadays .

So when I would go into churches and the Lord would lead to share my testimony and share what the Lord's doing in my life , at the time not everybody was happy about it and so that's been a lot of my new life in Christ .

Is the Lord allowing Satan , satan working through various professing believers and sometimes the world through a lot of pressures , molding and shaping me , allowing those challenges to make a fighter , to make a more of a warrior of me , that I would stand up for myself and not be the kid that was bullied like I was in high school .

That I would learn here in my 40s to finally fend for myself and stand in the power of Christ and my calling and not allow people to shame and humiliate and emasculate me . And so it's been quite a journey and I've come a long way . I haven't always taken the right turn , you know what I mean .

I've learned the hard way on a lot of stuff , but the Lord's been with me through it all and I'm in a place now . I have a church here in Cambodia . I'm actually from Pennsylvania . I'm over here in Cambodia , next to Vietnam , 12 hour time difference . Couldn't be any farther from home .

But the Lord called me over here and I have a church and it's just been an amazing blessing . I've never been so satisfied or fulfilled in my ministry since the Lord called me 14 years ago . So , praise the Lord , we're seeing food in the ministry here . It's just a blessing .

It's a blessing to work in a developing country , in a third world country , and um a Buddhist country , about 96% Buddhist and so um coming out a lot of , a lot of idol worship and um spirit worship , which , which all is really a guise for Satan worship . Right , satan's doing whatever he can . He blinds the minds of the unbeliever .

The Bible says that he's deceived the whole world . So many paths look like the right path to heaven and Satan's a counterfeit . So he's counterfeited what the Lord's done in the plan for salvation . Right that he's paved the way through the death , burial and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ .

Jesus paid it all 100% with his blood for the sins of the world , and those of us who would like to enter heaven after we die must repent , put our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ . There's no other door , no other path that goes to heaven or anywhere good . All other paths go to hell .

So this demon and idol worship and spirit worship and angel worship is all guides where Satan is trying to do what he does best steal worship from the Most High , which is what he was cast out of heaven for , and so it's a spiritual war over here .

That's for sure , and the Lord prepared me through a lot of tough stuff over the past 14 years to really enter the war zone , enter the combat zone here and fight forward . So , it's been a blessing . Praise the Lord .

Amen and um , and so I just appreciate your story because you just let us all , let us all know that it's never too late , never , ever too late to come back to him .

I believe that at some point we've all been a prodigal . We've steered away , we've gone astray , trying to do our own things . But it's a beautiful thing , because when we confess early in life , the relationship is established . Would you agree with that ?

And then , right , you know , I I think that this kind of dovetails with your question , but , but you know , we like to think back and think , my oh my , I wish I never had a struggle with homosexuality . I wish I lived a wonderful , perfect life with some kind of something unusual , some big problem .

I think that I would probably be the timid guy in the last pew in church , not effective for the Lord , not willing to serve the Lord at all .

I might show up if you're lucky to see me on Sunday morning once in a while , but I really believe that the Lord uses the work of satan and the enemy and delusion and and deception and all that kind of stuff to to allow us to to see that , that darkness and that evil , and then to open our eyes through his word , to call us to repentance and new life

in him . And then we have a story to share to help other people . We have a testimony that's valuable and we're commissioned to use it right as a weapon against the enemy . They defeated Satan by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony , because they love not their lives , even unto death . Praise the Lord .

So after writing the first one it was kind of clear cut Okay , it's it's early childhood , until until till the day of repentance . And then it's like well , how do you write new life in christ ? Because it's so much , it was so much and and what I haven't really covered in this interview so far is really the bright side .

Like um , for example , the lord led into to break different fears that I had that would hold me back from being effective in ministry . For example , I was terrified of public speaking in my past life . So the Lord led through my work before before he called me over here .

I was in banking and my boss came to me and said I don't know why , but I have this thing on my mind Like I think you should join Toastmasters and I don't know why , but like it , this thing on my mind like I think you should join toastmasters and I don't know why , but it keep like it's not leaving my mind .

And so the lord led through her to get into toastmasters and and I used it as a , as a vehicle to share the gospel , share testimony , over and over . Not everybody in there was happy with me , but it was a good training ground enough to learn to stand alone for the lord and kind of semi-hostile professional environments .

And then , um , then , uh , jumping out of an airplane . The lord led an unusual stuff , uh , that I never thought I would do . I was terrified of heights and and had an opportunity in australia to jump out of an airplane to skydive .

So it was kind of like we're going to face our fears , like the Lord's , kind of like grabbing me by the scruff of the neck , like you're going to face these fears because if you don't , you're going to always be hiding underneath the bed . You know what I mean .

it's like , oh no , I have to share the gospel in a muslim country and the lord would need to share the gospel in these places where you hear about like locked up abroad and the pastor was taken away and never seen again and stuff , and so it was just really just really exciting , thrilling .

You know , I grew up in a Christian home , like I said , in Christian school , and very well churched , like very church , and I hate to say it , but I guess the notion of someone being a pastor or missionary was not appealing to me , maybe for a variety of reasons , because I struggled with stuff that was unusual .

I didn't know how to address that , let alone think about anything else . Right , even if I didn't have those , I think I would have thought like , oh so boring , you know , right , right , I like the idea of going to another country , but what a boring thing . Like it just seems like oh , no adventure , you know .

And then the Lord leads in such a miraculous , like a customized plan for my life and that's really what I share with the youth over here . Like the Lord knows you better than you know yourself .

He has the hairs on your head number like the plan that he has for you is a lot more exciting and perfect fit than you could ever imagine , and it's not like you gotta talk these other guys , not like the other guys you're seeing , like it's not a cookie cutter cutter thing . It's .

It's based on the gifts he's given you and it will be thrilling and inspiring to you , and maybe only you , a lot of the things that I've done here . It's people on the outside , I think they don't really relate to why , but to me it's full satisfaction . It's so rewarding , it's unique . We're all unique .

I'm unique in my gift sets , unique , and the Lord's plan for my life is unique . And that's what I think every should be preached to every Christian like step up , the Lord has something special for you goes all the way back to relationship .

And it becomes that , when it comes down to God and the things of God , why can't we just enjoy , uh , what God has for us ? And it's like , it's like for me . It's just , it seems like fear overrides the faith to uh believe that he's real . You know what I mean .

The flesh has to see it , the flesh wants to feel it , the flesh wants to uh be able to uh touch it , and all of that , whereas when we're dealing with the things of god , it ain't always so . You know , we have to move in faith oftentimes , but it's so rewarding when we move in faith and god blesses us because of we , because we are faithful .

You know what ? I don't you ?

You know what I mean and that's the only term that I could find that I felt like was the best thing that anybody came up with that really defines it . Without a whole paragraph , because formerly gay really is , say , ex-gay missionary , because , Like my dad would say , you're , you're qualified to speak to somebody who has this type

of unusual struggle . You know what I mean , like when I was in that . And it doesn't mean I'm better than somebody else at all , it doesn't mean I'm better than some other pastor at all , but it's a special gift that comes with the suffering that I went through and how the Lord brought me through .

And on the other side of it comes this gift that I'm able to connect with people and say I understand what it feels like that , what it feels to feel like that , but there is a way out by repentance and faith in the Lord , jesus Christ .

And so I think that's what I'm trying to say is , like the point of having the word X gay all over everything related to me is that it's a big world out there . I want people to know that I'm a resource to them . You know what I mean . Like if you're in , absolutely , and they , they reach out because we have that on on our website and and whatnot .

So people reach out from different countries . But if I had that hidden there where you had to read like uh , five sentences in order to understand what I meant that the Lord delivered me from homosexuality I no longer identify like that . Then it's more difficult . So I just tried to come up with something that can be like a tag and easy .

And they think , well , there's no avenue out . But , like you said , paul had scales over his eyes where he couldn't see . He couldn't see the light , even though he was in it . You know what I mean folk that are in darkness . You can't .

If you're in darkness long enough , you can't even handle the light when it comes , when you , when you're in the presence of it , you want to go back to the darkness . And so , you know , I just think that it's powerful that that you would even tag , put that , put that , quote , unquote tag on what you're doing , because most people want to hide that .

You know what I mean . Most people don't want to deal with . This is who I used to be . You know what I mean . Praise God that you know . God took what the enemy used to kill you and the thing that the enemy tried to use to kill you or to come up against you , is the very thing that built you . You know what I mean . It built , it became .

It's a part of your story and it's absolutely a part of what it's just an example of . We don't need to hide who we were , because who we were is a part of who we are . Any thoughts before we get ready to wrap up .

The one thing that I want to make clear is , while it's been an amazing thing to have the word ex-gay on a lot of stuff so that people know to reach out that I can be a resource to them in the power of Christ , it also brings a heck of a lot of criticism and a lot of suffering for me . But I do it because the Lord requires it .

But I've said to people , even in my family before I think if I entered the church 14 years ago and , like I said , I just sat down in the last pew and said nope , not me . I sure don't have a testimony . I just came in off the street . I'm just like you guys . I'm basically a finished work . I may as well be floating above the surface of the earth .

I'm basically angelic and without sin and so on , because that's what a lot of the churches kind of profess to be , that we've reached almost a state of sinless perfection . It's a complete lie , it's from the pit of hell . But that's what many professing believers cling to .

And so I think if I pretended and kind of blend in , blended in like that , I probably would have very , very little suffering over the past 14 years . But the lord's required me , it's not . It's not my idea to come .

I didn't come up with the idea to to be a missionary , didn't come up with the idea to be a pastor , didn't come up with the idea to share my testimony , and it's without repentance . The call of God is without repentance . And so , um , yeah , praise the Lord for the call and the duty Right .

So would you do us a favor and please pray us out as we get ready to go home .

You shine through us and help us to come to a saving knowledge of you , of the gospel message , of your word . I pray , lord , for all those who don't know you yet , that they would come to a saving knowledge of you and come to repentance and new life in the Lord Jesus Christ , to put away the old self and surrender all and give their life 100% to you .

That your , your word would be made clear to each of us and that we would fight forward against the author of confusion , against Satan , the deceiver , the liar .

We pray , lord , that you would be glorified to the lives of each of those listening here , that you would make your word clear to lives of each of those listening here , that you would make your word clear to each and every one and help us to fight forward in Jesus' name , amen .