#123 S4 EP 33: Parenting Preteens with Purpose: Marcus Aurelius Higgs's Transformative SHOW Framework

He is out taking care of our family and um , so you have me and we also have a guest with us today who's going to be hosting with me , and the conversation today is about how this young man has come up with a framework that's going to help parents to be better parents to preteens , and I'm sure it would relate to all parents .

So we are excited about this conversation , and so I don't know what we got to do . First and foremost , we got to pray , so let's get it . Father , we thank you so much for your grace and your mercy . Thank you , god , for allowing us this day , another opportunity , father , to be able to minister life and speak truth to your diamonds .

I pray , god , that you will use us to your glory . We pray , god , that you would just have your way here . We pray for every diamond that is here that their hearts will be ready to receive what it is you want to give them . I pray , in the name of Jesus , that you would just have your way , father .

Have your way as we go forth in your name Lead us and guide us . We thank you , father , and we bless your name once again , and we pray this prayer in the mighty name of Jesus Christ . We do pray Amen , amen , amen , amen . So I'm bringing Mr Marcus Higgs in . Amen , mr Higgs , would you please say hello to our audience .

Life is asking of you , and I'm a communication coach for parents of preteens . I've taught in South Korea , thailand , spain and Saudi Arabia , and now I'm back in the Bahamas with my aged parents . And I studied journalism at Oakwood you may be familiar with it in Huntsville , alabama , and I went straight away to be a missionary teacher inside South Korea .

I say my worldview expanded , no animosity towards the church , no , but like still connection with the divine . And I feel called to this work for real , for real , to talk about human development honestly and this particular stage of life . So that's why I do what I do , and then we can talk about what I do of life .

So you know , I am absolutely fine with coming on and having a conversation about the development , about the work . You know what I mean . You know it's a lot of misinformation when it comes to the church . I believe that . But anywho , let's get to the topic .

If it breaks from the inside , life emerges . And that's what the word to teach , teacher or educate sorry and parent means . It means to bring forth , yeah , so you have to believe there's beauty in there and we create the context for that beauty to flourish or to thrive and come forth . Now , when a child is born , they are dependent .

You're there as a parent to nurture , to secure , make them feel safe and soothed and so on .

At 10 years of age and around there 10 , 12 , 13 , and so on they are going to turn away and this is natural because they're trying to find their own identity and our role as a parent is again to make them feel safe , secure and seen and soothed and say you got to do it independently . I'm still here . I'm a safe place for you to come to .

There's a healthy attachment here . But you need to learn this on your own and that's not the final form , right ? The final form is when you come back together and you're interdependent . I promise to take care of me , to be in service to you , if you promise to take care of you , to be in service to me , and then it's a choice .

It's a choice and that's how a community is built , that's how a church family is built , that's how it's made stronger . Right , we're interdependent . Now , when kids are going through that first breaking and they have new expectations and new roles and they don't know . So that's the first thing identity breaking . I call it a wall of ice .

It's a wall of ice Because you're going to notice a 10-year-old is going to start becoming more distant . Yeah , it's identity breaking . That's the first one . Second one is collaborative mistrust . They don't know who to trust at that age . Wow , wow . There's an extra layer with this particular generation , with social media . We are the stories we tell ourselves .

And with all these stories passing by , if we don't guard the gates of our eyes and our ears and so on , if we don't learn how to manage those stories as adults in their lives , when the screen closes , the kid doesn't know who they are meaning , they don't have that sense of identity .

And if you don't have a sense of identity , how do you deal with the stresses of life ? So you have identity breaking , you have collaborative mistrust , and then you have emotional management . Now , what emotional management is physiologically like biology , is dumping these emotions into their body . Their body's changing , into their body .

Their body's changing , and it's not a bad thing , though . It's there so that the highs will feel high and the lows will feel low , so that they can understand what they're wanting to choose . Right now , kids are . Adolescence is more risky . The idea is to help create healthy risk for them , based on their identity , so that they can figure out who they are .

So that's the challenge . It's the wall of ice , and the way you melt the wall of ice is by showing up . You show up . So I said a lot there . I could explain it , but before I go on , yeah .

Two , um , mr rogers said , if you want to help the kids , you support the parents , because the essence starts with a strong identity . I hear you say blended families , but especially in a blended family , the question is who am I ? Who am I ? That's identity , because all action comes from identity . And then the family culture a watching now , watching now .

But the family culture comes from um . Identity , that's what culture is . People like us do things like this . So in your blended family , you're going to have a family culture . Your church is going to have a church culture . Your school is going to have a school culture , your city , your nation . So it all starts with identity , everything .

And it goes a little bit deeper than that , speaking about virtues and values . Values are just what's important to you . Virtues are the characteristic trait that is with everybody , everybody . I believe virtues are an expression of the divine . Whatsoever things are pure , whatsoever things are kind , whatsoever things are true , these things keep your mind stayed on these .

When your virtue's spotting , you get to see the element of the divine in others . All right , so it starts with a strong identity . H is hold space for collaboration . Come , let us sit together and reason right . So oftentimes , when people are going through trouble , they're thinking what's wrong with me ?

Right , Right To hold space for collaboration is when you say look , there's a problem here , it's not you , but I'm here to support you in this problem , and then we come up with collaborative solutions . So the kid what we're trying to do is we're trying to move the kid towards autonomy .

Now , the work that I do with preteens , this is nurturing it In the teenage years is when it really starts to , like you said , we have to start putting it into action . Can you still hear me ? Are we okay ?

that's where stress is starting to compound . Right right right , makes sense . All right , go ahead . Go on to the next . On to the next one , let's go um . S-h-o-o is opening up communication , different frameworks on providing spaces for them to express themselves . You know the word resent .

Yeah , right , deep , and then it's deep water y'all Deep water , deep water .

It means it's project-based learning . That's what we call it in education , but project-based living .

You're committed to something that's self-directed for a long period of time that you can't give up on , and you're using your virtues and values , your character , strengths , to then take action inside this project , so you get to talk about it , and your child strengths to then take action inside this project , so you get to talk about it and your child gets to

talk about it . And you're sharing your ideas on what growth is For you . It might be this podcast , or it might be if you're planting a church or so on , and your child might choose something like a sport or you know grades or something like they get to choose . It's self-directed and you let their , their expression inside this project come through .

All right , it's . It's something taken from Angela Duckworth in her book Grit and so on . And the last one is UP , unveil your potential . So , after you , show you up and unveil your potential just means celebrate . We don't celebrate enough , we don't gather together to honor the expression of people .

And in this framework , it's you know , they say twice I did good , heard it never . Once I did bad , I heard it forever . When you see your child or someone express a part of their character , you get to own it . You can say I feel proud that I'm getting to see you on purpose and you celebrate . That's what it is . So that's a show up framework .

Then , everything that you're saying and everything that he's giving you to put on paper , everything that you've lived , you know , lived and grown to understand and reteach or teach others , I mean it really is the manifold of Jesus and it's and it's just it's a powerful thing when you can put it in words , to be able to , because a lot of times and I had

another guest like this , she put into words the things that that we do without even thinking and don't know how to put in words . And I just believe that is also that you've been given . It's been given to you in a way where it can help anybody and it's absolutely , it is a great work .

And you know how you say you have the book , but the workbook , you have a book to go along with it , or I have a sure I have a workshop that I'm I'm launching in the end of July , come August .

I have workshops there that I'm going to be launching over the summer and , yeah , I'm here to help people do the work of showing up in their lives , where they are .

I am a messenger sanctified to speak with a divine voice . Nor was not of my own choice . Rather , god's will be done because I am part of a chosen generation , a royal priesthood , a holy nation . A special person used to proclaim the praise of him who called me out of darkness into the marvelous light . You see , I am the mic and the Lord is my controller .

So every time I step center stage , I'm representing for Jehovah , with the Holy Spirit in the middle of my existence , reminding me I am blessed because of a gift that was heaven sent . You already said it it's the word , the Messiah , the Christ , who provided me with a new way to write , a new way to love , a new way to live .

So I love to give back my life , lyric and pen , because he is the only one , he is the only son , he is why I'm breathing , he is why my life has so much meaning , and I am starting to see this is the whole duty of man to stand up and proclaim the praise of the one who claimed the highest name and told Moses I am that I am so of his love .

I will always write , and if you ask why ? It's because I am made in his image and although the race has fallen , he is risen , so still I rise with him as my guide , not ashamed of the gospel , but say Jesus walks by my side . So , lord , let me remember every time that I write .

My pen moves in vain if it's not used to praise your name , if ink is not guided by your hands . My stanzas are worthless If the verse does not speak of you , if they do not speak of your truth , my sentences hold no significance .

So let the words of my mouth and the meditations of what I write be acceptable in thy sight , because in the end , I am everything with you in my life . The word is love . Spread the word yeah , mr Marcus . Lord have mercy when I say it starts with identity I wrote that before I walked in the room .

It's like yeah , that's what has kept me all these years . I mean again , I have to say it again , everything .

If it's not and I say this to the diamonds , if it's not it ought to be a part of every fiber of who you are , whether you are doing spoken word , writing a song , writing a book , standing in your kitchen , a teacher at the school , and in every step . This is what it ought to look like as a child of God .

The reality is that when we're walking in Jesus , he makes us whole , and when we're whole , we can communicate that . I believe that it's a hard thing that if you're broken , that you can't be a part of the help . You know what I mean .

Because there's a way to be put back together , to be made whole , and you come back with that story , and that's how you get to trust , your bounce back , your resilience .

I would love to have you back so that we can go much further , because I just believe that you have more to share with the world , that our diamonds will be able to shine a lot brighter with whatever you have God is giving you to pour into them , and so could you do me a favor and give a final word , what God has given you to give our diamonds .

Yeah , don't , don't , don't conform , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind , the renewing of your mind .

That is our foundational scripture , because , you know , he transforms and he transform us through that renewing as a parent dealing with your children , if you want to do it right , you just got to renew your mind .

You know , because you move off of anger , you're moving off of frustration , you're not going to deliver the right , you're not going to deliver it correct . You know , in a way , where it's doing exactly what Marcus is teaching , where it's building from , what Marcus is teaching where it's building from the inside out . And so I thank you again .

I can't express how thankful I am that you came here to be on the show . We certainly appreciate you being here , and so y'all know we gotta pray , do a final prayer before we go , but please don't forget to go to his website , which is Marcus Higgscom , and check out his framework . Go ahead , marcus .

Amen .

Y'all remember that you are Amen . You're a diamond , no matter what Hallelujah , so y'all have a great one . We'll see you next time , shai .