#100 S4 EP 20: The Sustainable Manhood Blueprint with RJ and Dustin

And this season , this is perfect for where we're going , impacting the world , Amen . And you know , your brand and what you're standing for is awesome because it's teaching about balance and we need balance to really be impactful in our society . And so , before we go any further , we are going to pray and then we're going to get into it . Okay .

So you got to think can we all agree that Jesus is the way ? Jesus is the way .

That your grace forgive us and cast us back into the pits of hell where it came from . We counsel any assignment of the enemy that will be sent back into the pit of hell where it came from , for he has no power , no dominion , no authority .

But , according to your word , you say that we do , and we decree it and declare it that we have the authority , the power and the dominion , that we must just walk in it and trust you . We pray in the name of Jesus for the ones that has no desire to know who you are .

We pray in the name of Jesus for the ones who do know who you are but don't know how to reach you . We pray in the name of Jesus interceding for the ones that pray for me . We pray in the name of Jesus interceding for everybody on their behalf of knowing who you are .

We decree it and we declare it , we ask these things all in jesus mighty and max's name . We say thank you and we say amen , amen and amen , amen .

Sometimes we refer to it as a ministry , because somebody pointed that out to us one of the last times we were all together .

So we're here in suburbs of beautiful St Louis , missouri enjoying a fall day , and we started this movement about a year and a half ago With our goal , we say , is just to be better tomorrow than you are today , and we want to help business dads fathers to do the same thing . That's our core mission really .

Things have grown since then , but we base everything on the six pillars of life that we identified when putting this together , which are in order of importance .

By the way , this is the priority order is your faith , your health , your marriage , fatherhood , brotherhood and your business , purposefully put last , although we know most men that we deal with have it first . So that's it . That is a very quick summary of what the balanced business dad is as far as for me , RJ .

So I'm a Christian , I'm a dad , I'm an empty nester , I have three grown kids , all married , and an entrepreneur . At this point , I own a couple of businesses , some with Dustin , who I'll turn it over to now so he can introduce himself .

Rj and I have known each other for years and I was actually coaching RJ and his wife on real estate and how to invest in other quite well during that time and it was funny because I was for lack of a better word using RJ as a mentor , as a husband and a father .

You know , his kids are closer to my age than I am his age and they are all pretty good people in society . So I was like , oh , I want that . And his wife and him just celebrated 35 years of marriage and she still seems to like him . I'm like , oh , I want that .

And his wife and him just celebrated 35 years of marriage and she still seems to like him . I'm like , oh , I want that , right , so I'm going to model that .

And so I was leaning on him , probably without him knowing it , but as a mentor and a father , in those two things , while he was using me as a coach in business and entrepreneurship While he was using me as a coach in business and entrepreneurship , and I had a coach at the time and my coach said who is your ideal person to coach ?

And immediately I said the business dad , because that's who I am . And we started talking about doing a podcast and the next thing you know we always say that it started one night at a bar , like all good stories , and we just knew our life was good . But what else , what else could it be ?

And that's where the six pillars , like RJ just mentioned , came from . And it was interesting because I have coached so many men that had that so out of whack because they were so focused on their business . I'm like , yeah , but do your kids know you ? Does your spouse know you ?

I have an interesting health journey , so I knew how important health was and we all know that we're just stewards for all everything that we have . We're just being a steward for God , right , and so it's like we got to start there , because he's the one who are giving us these gifts that we're working so hard on .

So we have to grow deeper in our faith to have it . Yeah absolutely so . That's the balanced business I love that introduction yeah .

And I say that because you know we might be coaching somebody on an area of their life and just use faith for an example . You know it's not only teaching them about faith , but it's actually growing our faith as well .

Yeah , so it's almost like we're burning the torch at both ends we're gaining more concept and insight on it , as well as teaching what we already know .

So that's why , for us , I mean faith is number one in our lives . I think each one of us either one , if you'd ask us who we are the first answer we're going to say is a Christian , then probably a husband or a father . So we knew that faith just had to be the very first thing . It's what we use as our guidepost for everything .

There was somebody that I think was on one of our podcasts and said that's his decision making . If he wants to do something . He asked would God be pleased with me doing it ? Would my wife be pleased with me doing it , and would my kids be proud of me for doing it ? He said I very rarely . If you get a no on any of them , you're going to stop .

You very rarely get to number two , because you're not going to say if God doesn't want you to , he might be okay . But let me see what my wife thinks . So that became a guidepost . So for us , faith had to be number one and faith to us . We talk a lot of times about faith with a big F and faith with a little F .

There's a lot of faith in our life . Dustin's used the thought he said before you have faith when you're driving that the car coming the other way isn't going to cross that yellow line . We have faith when we get home that the thermostat's going to work . There's so much that we have that . We just have faith in things and our events .

But the big F faith , that's where we derive something , that's where we derive everything from , that's where we make all our decisions . It's how we built the other pillars below it , because we knew our faith was number one .

A lot of people , the world , will make you think that you're crazy because you live by your faith , and we're all here to say there is nothing wrong with living by faith . As a matter of fact , it's an expectation that Jesus requires of all of us . And balance in order to stay balanced . Faith , like it's already been said , you got a big f and a little f .

It's in everything it really is . So anybody else have any thoughts in in in regard to anything said thus far ?

And there's an anonym that I like to use with the word faith Forsaken all , I trust him , meaning that forgetting everything that could possibly go wrong in life , at the end of the day , I'm going to trust God .

And immediately I said the word business dad and I believe God put that on my heart at that point and I didn't know what it meant and , honestly , a year and a half ago , rj and I did not know what the balanced business dad was or what it was going to be , and I still think it's growing .

Yet we knew we were men , we knew we were dads , we knew we were business dads and we had seen the challenges and the hardships that a lot of these other business dads because we hung out in the same circles were having .

And , like I said , I had coached a lot of people and when they start bringing to me the amount of money they made and things like that , my first question was well , do your kids like you Right ? Does your wife like you Right ? Because that's what matters at the end of the day . And I have Again , my kids are a lot younger . My kids are 6 and 3 .

So I'm a new father and I'm learning through it , and it's not easy . There's not a book that says this is how you be this awesome business , dad . And yet I knew there was different sections of life that were important to us and we had to keep them all up in the air at the same time .

So balancing is a verb , it's not a noun . We're constantly doing it and what we've realized is is there ever true balance ? No , yet we strive for it , but really balance is being present in the pillar you're supposed to be in . When I'm with God and I'm growing and I'm learning in my faith , I need to be present . I need to be where my feet are .

When I'm with the time with my wife , same thing . But I also need to be very present with my kids . I need to be present with my friends . Men don't have a lot of brothers anymore . Right , you might have a beer friend here and there , but you're really not . You're having these surface level conversations and I want to push through that .

And when it's time to work , it's time to work . Be present in your work , go to work . That way you can leave work and it's funny and not to take too much of this . But somebody said , oh , you're doing man work , you're working with men and stuff like that , and I didn't realize the challenge that that was .

At the beginning of this year I threw two business conferences and I sold out in a week and a half as soon as I put tickets on sale to talk to people how to have a better business , learn that kind of thing .

We put on a workshop a month ago a month and a half ago now for business dads and it was like pulling teeth to get dads to come there to say , hey , I need help . It's very hard for a man to say , hey , I do need help in this and I want to get better in this .

And at that point I realized if a tree falls on my house today , I can make a phone call and all these guys are going to be there . But if I say , hey , I want to help you become a better husband and a better father and a better leader , they're like , no , I'm good , but if you need that tree off your house , I got you Right .

Men need a mission and what we have to realize is we are the mission . You are the mission first , and it starts with God .

It's almost like and I hate to use this word , but it's true , it's almost like a generational curse , seeing that us men , as men , we used to be the strong foundation , but at the end of the day we got to realize , look , there's some times that we get to a point in life that it's okay to ask for help .

It's okay that sometimes , as men , we need that time to vent and cry . At times we need that time where we just need a hug , even if and I'm going to say this like this because you know people look at it as wrong for a male to hug a male .

But sometimes we need that embracement from a male to know that what we're going through , maybe they've been through that already and they can help us with just that hug . So it's okay to hug that man , it's okay to cry , it's okay to say I need help . It is hard and it's even okay to say I need help .

It is hard and it's even harder to say it than to live it out . It is .

The men's group will start something and then a little wane , go away and then there's nobody there again . It's nonstop and it just feeds right into this . Men are fixers .

Oh , I got this , I'm good , I don't need to show up , I got it all figured out , I know what I'm doing and we've seen it just bleed right over from that same thing of trying to get a men's group at church off the ground is difficult and we're seeing it now with the men we deal with and we naturally say we're good and it's funny , at our church you

know that they had the same challenges .

And so , with that being said , how , with the man in mind , can y'all picture I believe it's the scriptures , first corinthians , chapter 13 , and he said when I became a man , put away childish things . What's y'all's thought in in perspective of man , of a man ? What is your thoughts ?

Uh , I would say michael , dustin and rj , what are y'all y'all's thoughts in regard to that particular verse in the love chapter ? About 1 Corinthians , chapter 13 ?

To put away the childish activities and the that , the pastimes that you're going to do , because you are becoming the provider , you are becoming the foundation , and things grow from the foundation . Right , Everybody needs to have a strong foundation . Anything needs to have a strong foundation to grow .

So to be that man , I need to be the leader , the faith leader , in my household to provide faith for them , to teach them about God , to walk alongside God . Right , it's the same thing in my marriage as well , the same thing to pray for my wife on a daily basis , you know , for her faith to grow , for her needs to be met .

And it's also to do that in my business . Right , because we're a leader in our businesses and I have to show up with a firm foundation , and I don't believe a firm foundation happens without God . Right , right . And to be that foundation to me is what it means to be a man , yeah .

They're here for you know , for us , to give them protection , security , make them feel heard and safe , and that's definitely what the message is for us .

I mean , we want to be the modern man Now , a modern man , as we joke , but without sword shields and a Spartan helmet , but the modern man that's sensitive yet knows that they're the leader , the faith leader , the family leader , the business leader .

And where I say that that was something at the very beginning of this , when I would speak about that , as I grew up in a female household , I had a father and he was there , but we were drastically outnumbered because I have five big sisters and a mother and my father traveled all the time . So , as I say , I grew up swimming in the estrogen ocean .

So if there's anybody that's around strong women , it was me . I was thriving . I had six strong women raising me . So when we first start talking about , the man has to be the leader of the household . He's there to make sure that women feel safe and secure .

I had a lot of internal pushback on that because my first thought were I don't think my sisters want to hear that they might show up and slap me . We're strong women , we don't need that . But with my own conversations with my family , with my wife , it was amazing how they all agreed . It's like no , that is what I want in a husband .

I do want a man that's strong , that I can rely on , that I can trust . So it added a lot of strength to me as far as the conviction of what we talk about , which is purely biblical . In the same way , that's what our mission is here .

We don't want women to be meek , but our calling , the reason we're here , is to be that leader , especially the faith leader , and it travels right through into our business and our family as well .

Again , it comes back to love , and in that particular verse it's just like . It shows me personally how God looks at all of us , but particularly in men , as , look , I have designed you and I've created you on purpose , so that you know , not only are you strong , not only are you the fixer-uppers , but you are me .

At the end of the day , if you understand who Jesus is , you understand who you are in him , you will find that you are a diamond and that you can and you will impact this world , man or woman . Amen , come on somebody , don't y'all leave me by myself amen on that , amen .

When you look at in a carnal mindset of that scripture , it's almost basically saying you need to man up , you need to act , your age , you need to , uh , push through it . But when you look at it in the spiritual realm , it was almost like God is saying look , I designed you to be the provider , be the head .

But at the same token he's saying look , it's okay to ask for help . I don't want you to act like a robot , because that's what the world would look at as a man , as you got to do this , you got to do that , you got to do this , you cannot fail . But God is saying , look , despite everything that you go through , you're going to make mistakes .

You're going to fail . Because his word tells us I think it's in Romans , for all has seen and fallen short of the glory of God . We got to realize that look , no matter what , we're going to make mistakes . But it's the point of making a mistake and staying there versus making a mistake and learning from it and pushing past it .

It's also a journey , right , the journey of a balanced business , dad , which what we're striving for is a thriving business that doesn't control us , a passionate marriage , kids that adore us , to be healthier physically and mentally , to grow deeper in our faith and that encompasses it , right .

And then more meaningful relationships with the friends , of course , and that's where the council comes in . It's that brotherhood

. You mentioned something about making a mistake and we're all going to make a mistake . The interesting thing we have retreats .

I actually own a campground in South Central Missouri where we'll have these retreats , where it's just us guys there , and so many of these guys at first were afraid to say what mistake they made , because they were there , they didn't know how to get through it and finally , when they did say that , the other guy at the other end said oh , when I did that five

years ago , this is how I got through it and this is how my family pushed through and this is how we made it Right , so it was able to move through that mistake at such a faster clip . And that's what the DadUp Council is being all about .

It's to be better tomorrow and that's what we do life together as , and we have mastermind calls , retreats , modules , coaching sessions kind of encompasses everything . We also have a free Facebook group at dadupgroupcom .

You can join that free Facebook group right there and there's close to 4 , well , about 350 guys right now doing life together saying , hey , what , how do I do this ? How do we do this ? You know , how do I make this better ? So dadupgroupcom .

So when this really started , I was planning a Disney World trip with my family and I want the Balanced Business Dad and the Dad data council to be so big in a movement . If you guys know what the organization is , you know alcohol anonymous .

It's called the friends of Bill W because Bill W started that and in my vision , how big I see this is is because I've seen , I've heard that at an airport will a friend of Bill W come here to talk to someone ?

Or at a hotel , I want it and I said at the time kind of jokingly but friend of mickey mouse , right , when I hear the friend of mickey , I know that's a business dad that really just needs some help right now to talk through some things and that's a movement , just like bill did with , uh , you know alcohol anonymous because , trust me , you look around at

disney world and you see some of those dads ooh , buddy , they need some help some days , right . So , yeah , that's the movement , yep , to let them know they're not alone .

This is powerful for men , because it's such a sad thing when men lose their identity based on the past , based on what somebody said about them , based on some of my negative words and all of that and so much you know . I can definitely appreciate when the scripture says for women as women , we ought to respect our men and for husbands to love their wives .

It is powerful and it's so different the two words love and respect . And I just realized , and I know , that respecting my husband and respecting men goes so much further than me trying to make him be what I want him to be . You know what I mean and that was , you know that's for women .

That's what we got to understand is that our responsibility is to respect our men , not just our husbands , not just our dad , not just our brother , but respect men and the level of weight and responsibility they have , just as a man alone . And you know so .

That's really my takeaway from all of this and the fact that you know , in order to be a man , it requires intentionality , and that's what I see about balanced business that it's an intentional thing to really do it the way that God says to do it . It's intentional and for me there's no other way to say it .

And so , again , I just appreciate you all being here with us and chatting with us for a little while . That is my takeaway , honey . What is your takeaway ? He's looking up y'all's stuff .

Stop putting up the resistance and just let God use you . That's my takeaway .

And something else he said there is ask for the other , help with the other men . One of the things that we teach so often that so many of us don't do ask your spouse . The one person that's rooting for you more than anyone is that spouse . And you keeping it all in and not asking for help because you think you're being the strong man .

You're not Ask for help and I'll be honest , I'll just speak for myself . I'll speak for RJ too . Our wives know a lot more than we do , right , absolutely . So let's ask for help , right ?

When you finally bring it up in a conversation with your wife and they just want to help . They're like oh good , that's out there now . It's freeing because now we're not holding that burden in , but they've got way better ideas and they're sending us solutions .

We have a friend , alejandro Carnejo , and that is it . We're at Bible study . We always want him to pray because he has that gift . I will be glad to make a little prayer right now to thank the Lord Jesus .

I want to thank you for putting Dustin and I in touch with Catherine and Michael , allowing the four of us to basically do church together today for a half an hour . I want to ask for your blessing on all of the diamonds that are listening to this . We're all looking for help .

We're looking to be that diamond in the rough , to get better , to be shinier , obviously , to be stronger . And I said thank you for the people that maybe they're not that far along in this path yet but somehow hear this , this message that we've put out there . We don't know how this gets delivered .

We don't know how husbands , fathers and dads find us , but we appreciate your guidance to them and I just want to ask for your blessing to all the people that are listening and thank Michael and Catherine for allowing us to join them

for the day . It's in your son's name that I say thank you , and we pray Amen . Amen .