This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get the Angel Reese special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? I participate in restaurants for a limited time. Hey, listeners. If you're ever looking for a way to commemorate your fanship, we have a Patreon. You can subscribe for as low as $3 a month.
And we have perks like merchandise discounts, blooper reels, extra clip reviews, thirst traps seem to be very popular. And we've even started a series that we call The Pre-Cum, which is basically a bonus podcast. Rachel and I hop on before we record our episodes and we shoot the shit about our latest sexual adventures and also answer questions submitted by listeners.
like you. That's right. You can genuinely ask us anything and we'll honestly probably respond. We've yet to encounter a question we couldn't handle. Gauntlet throne, famous last words. You can find us at patreon.com slash girls on porn. Welcome to Girls on Porn. I'm Laura. I'm Rachel. And we love porn. This is our porn review podcast. We talk about what we're into and roast what we hate. Helping you find hot, ethical, just plain better porn for your spank bank. And we're looking at everything.
Before we introduce the topic, we have a romantic little segment for you today. 69 Seconds of Sex News. We've pulled headlines from the news to keep you informed. and horny. Here we go. A new paper in the journal Biology Letters indicates that men are getting more and more sexy and formidable. This is a result of an increase in sexual demorphism in the human species, which is linked to improved standards of living.
Sexual dimorphism in the animal world can look like a difference in colors, as with peacocks. For humans, it's all about height and weight. On the whole, human males are just getting taller and meatier. Breaking news! Something people thought that was unique to men isn't! Research out of the University of California, Davis, shows that women are just as likely to want a younger partner as men.
The study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences sampled people aged 22 to 85 based on data from more than 6,000 participants who were set up on blind dates by the company Talkify and surveyed before and after their dates. Though women generally reported to have a preference for older men, the surveys revealed the opposite. Damn, life really is just like the movie, baby girl.
Apps across the spectrum of love, sex, and relationships saw a usage boom in 2024. Boomer saw their biggest boom yet on the apps. Singles over 50 on Match.com said they were having the most orgasmic sex of their lives. And the kink app field has had a surge in their aging population. Beyond age, apps like Tinder and Hinge also had record-breaking downloads and usage across the board.
Sniffies, a gay cruising app, even saw big growth for their straight population. So while 2024 may have been a dumpster fire, at least people were partaking in that digital get down. According to the National Survey of Family Growth, sexlessness is on the rise with young American adults. Oh no! This survey looks at interview data regarding sex and sexuality related to young Americans over years. The current iteration also shows an increase in self-identified virgins among young people.
The researchers posit that sexlessness and lower frequencies of sex in general may be related to a decrease in relationships like monogamy and marriage. We suspect the respondents may have strong relationships with their right hands, however. And some with their left. And some with their left. You know, some with both. Let's not forget our ambidextrous reds. Let's not forget that we have two hands for such things. And what a gift that is. Maybe three. You could get a foot in there.
You can get a friend in there too and just have all kinds of hands happening. Yes. Hey, more hands the merrier. Yeah. Speaking of Mary. Merry Valentine's Day to you. A very merry Valentine's Day to you and yours. And may St. Valentine bless us. Yes. Everyone. Everyone. We're doing Valentine's Day today. which is kind of interesting that we, I guess we've never covered it, but it is a holiday. And it is a holiday where a lot of people...
It's sort of interesting in the research for this. I felt like it was a holiday where there was a lot of articles about, like, should you be having sex on Valentine's Day? Like, should you or should you not? Because there's a lot of… pressure surrounding it yeah you know yeah like first of all like i can't even i don't even know Well, the last time I had sex with Aladon C was because I am chronically single, as they say. Some choose to observe, some don't. And it is life-threatening.
what were the takeaways from the articles or did you align with anything you saw there or were you like i mean it was basically it was like you know it's like don't do it if you feel pressure because like then it's not going to feel great like obviously like have sex if you want to but like don't put the pressure on yourself to do it, which is like, I mean, like so obvious, you know what I mean?
I can see how the pressure would be counterproductive. My thought is like if you're not having sex any other night but Valentine's Day and then just putting pressure on yourself to have sex on Valentine's Day. You're like working against yourself and it's probably going to be high pressure and not the best sex, or it might even like feel obligatory or kind of rote. And it's like, there's a larger problem here that isn't just about the holiday, but it's about.
Whether you want to be having sex in your marriage and not to be like told by a commercial holiday that you have to. Maybe don't have sex on Valentine's Day so that way we have less people born in December. Sorry, Laura. What do you have against people born in September? In September? December? I know my birthday. It's just like, it's so...
Oh my God. Like I just like over, so played out. It's so played out. Like September is September. I just said it. December is like, I don't know. I feel like it's probably a tough month to have a birthday. It can be. We definitely get the birthday Christmas combo. Like my birthday definitely like disappears in the holiday rush basically. So maybe abstain on Valentine's Day.
Mm hmm. You know? Yeah. Just wait till March. Yeah. And then we'll just have some more Capricorns in the world and they're productive. So maybe that's a good thing. It's weird for me. Sorry, I'm going on a tangent, but it's weird for me to think about people having a. birthday in cold months okay because yours is in june and mine is in summer outside of your own experience like it must be so hard to like celebrate and like
wintry you know what i mean it just like it like really narrows down the activities one can do yeah you can't like just go to the beach that day yeah you can't like yeah I mean, like getting people together in the cold months, I feel like it's harder, you know? Yeah. Well, certainly like it's kind of hard to get people.
Like my birthday is early in December, but if I want to like really get people to rally, I have to get in early, like almost before my birthday, because then I'm competing with like every weekend of holiday parties. Yes, exactly. And.
I can't hack it, you know? Like I was thinking about this because my niece is about to, my niece's birthday is the 16th of Valentine's Day. And I'm like, this poor thing, her whole life, it's going to be like love and Valentine's themed, you know? Oh, so it's just a, it's February 16th? Yeah. Yeah. And also my friend, my friend, Missy just had her birthday and it's February 1st and it was like, you know, snowing. And I was like, that's so weird to think that like it could be snowing.
Rachel opened the blinds and looked at someone else's experience and said, how bizarre. And I was like, how do people do this? Do you have any sort of thoughts or feelings about Valentine's Day in general? Yeah, like I'm kind of in the indifferent camp, I guess. I'm not anti Valentine's day. Like I don't like times when I've been single, I haven't been like, Oh fuck this holiday. Like it hasn't really irked me that much. But when I am in relationships, like I'm not.
huge on ceremony i'm not huge on anniversaries i'm not big on like picking dates to amuse significance but i will say that like sure if it's like an excuse for a lovely date night like why not like i think yeah This year I might do something with a partner, but we're like...
Do we go for a hike? Do we do something in nature? Like, I don't think we want to fuck with like worrying about a dinner reservation. Like we go to dinner plenty at wonderful places. Like we don't really need it to be that or even to be like.
over the top romantic in a sort of conventional way yeah although we have like given each other like little gifts like we're gifty people so we'll probably do that you both of you love to give a gift we love to give a gift we love to get we give them because we love to get them but we really love to give them yeah you love to pick out a special little ditty it's very fun this might come as a shock to you i'm a pretty romantic person
Tell me more. So, I mean, again, back to the chronically terminally ill single of it all. I haven't really experienced like a Valentine's Day. with a partner in a really long time and like i think like the last time i did was like truly like my like my college boyfriend and he was
piece of bleep. So I think he like got me like. It's funny you've avoided it because it's not like you haven't had relationships, but like sometimes they don't fall on that time of year where you had like an on again, off again situation. So you like weirdly dodged it. Yeah. Right.
The one that I did have, it was like... a long distance relationship and we weren't together on valentine's day but i did spend a really long time like putting together like a photo set of like me and lingerie and it like you know like said something oh it was like a happy valentine's day i'm sorry that i'm poor but at least I'm hot you know and he really appreciated it that's lovely yeah but
I would love, and I also really enjoy the cheesiness. Like, I'm such a big, like, highbrow, lowbrow person. So there is, like, an aesthetic of Valentine's Day that I appreciate that's, like, you know, like, cheesy 80s, like, white frills and, like, red carnations. you know, that I'm like, I am into. You want to be at an 80s Valentine's Day dance. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
But I would love it if like someone who cared about me wanted to do something special to me in general, you know, and have it be on Valentine's Day or not, whatever. Yeah. But I also enjoy like going to Valentine's Day, like doing something like with the girls.
know yeah like with friends is like sweet i have had like great friends who've like sent me like flowers on valentine's day because i think they know how how much i love gifts and attention and like b they feel sorry for me that no one else is sending it to me you know yeah um and they just love you and they can be a day of love for all kinds of love yes exactly for all kinds of love it's so true i was actually
it's interesting doing the research on the history of St. Valentine. I didn't know that like, this comes back to Christianity. It always does. Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah. Like, I mean, sometimes. It's one of those holidays that like eats another holiday, you know, like the Christians were like, we're going to take this pagan thing and we're going to attach it to this miracle apparently and make it ours now. Yeah. There's a few, there's been a few martyrs.
saint valentine's yeah like quite a few yeah one in particular was during the roman empire and he was martyred for spreading christianity and i thought i think this is fascinating he restored the site to his jailer's blind daughter. And then he, like, he, like, sent her, like, a letter and then signed it, like, your Valentine.
And then that is like supposedly the very first Valentine. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And then also like in Italy, like St. Valentine's keys are given to lovers as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver's heart. And this goes back to this, like, story of the jailer's daughter. Yeah, yeah. Was there something going on between that St. Valentine and the blind daughter? That's sort of what I'm thinking. I'm like, hold on a second. Yeah.
Interesting. I mean, if somebody gave me the ability to see, I'd at least suck his dick. Yeah, are you kidding? I know. I'd be like, Dad, get him out of there. Yeah. And then, of course, like it became associated with romantic love in the 14th and 15th centuries. And that was just like when like courtly love became in the zeitgeist.
And also because it was the association of like early spring in 18th century England, it grew into an occasion for couples to express their love by presenting flowers and sweets and greeting cards known as Valentines. And then in 19th century, obviously, we got handmade cards gave way to mass-produced greetings. And then, this is interesting, I didn't know about this, but apparently in the UK, it's connected to a character named Jack Valentine.
Oh. Who knocks on the rear door of houses, leaving suites and presents for children. And although he's like, obviously like a nice person, like a lot of kids apparently were scared of this. guy who's knocking on their door and leaving something. They're like, I would be too, you know? Yeah. There's also a brief little article in Psychology Today about precisely what you were talking about of like, is it bad if I don't have sex on Valentine's Day? Right.
And Emily Nagoski speaks to this, who I really love. Like she is probably a lot of our listeners know. Sex with Emily, right?
no no different emily this is emily of come as you are oh she's a sex researcher and she's really like specializes in female pleasure like come as you are kind of revolutionized contextualizing like emotional space for sex and that particular for women like the way that we're socialized like we need to turn off the noise and be able to like emotionally connect and feel safe and just brought that all into like an anatomical dialogue about
sex yeah it's really meaningful so i was like i'll say i really trust her input and her thing is just about centering pleasure on valentine's day which i think is a good way of putting it that like rather than saying we have to be having sex it's like what can we do that's actually just really pleasurable, whether that is sex or if it's a specific kind of like adventure together.
Or, you know, taking a bath or like just it's really about like indulging pleasure and letting go of some of the pressure for that pleasure to look a certain way. Yeah. Because that's actually where the intimacy will thrive. Right. That's so sweet. Yeah. Here's a little stat for you. I'll take it.
According to a millennial sex survey by Skin Condoms in 2017, which surveyed over 3,000 men and women ages 18 to 34, 68% of millennials say that Valentine's Day is the occasion on which they have the most sex. Interesting. So people are doing it. It beat out a person's wedding day. Yeah. Making it happen. Okay. Yeah. Okay, millennials. Oh, also, this is good to know. February 14th also marks a different holiday. It's National Condom Day.
Perfect. I know. Look at that. Speaking of not making any more Sagittarius sizes in the world. Sagittarians. Yes, of course. Sagittarians. Yeah. But it is sort of like a horny day and I would love to have like a horny. I feel like a sex party in general, horny year, but like a sex party on Valentine's day, I bet it would be fun. You know, that is really fun. That's a fun idea. Just like a fun theme. Like why not? Yeah. Yeah. I love a theme.
She loves a theme. Yeah, let's do the showdown. Let's do it. Amazing blonde escort pleases her client for Valentine's Day. Oh. How nice of her. I have mixed feelings about this one. Yeah. I was just like, it's like an amazing blonde escort. Yeah. And I got a little sad thinking about like sex work on Valentine's day, but then I was like, who cares? Like.
Yeah. Charge what's worth it for you. It's holiday pay. And if you want pleasure on Valentine's Day, it's a totally valid way to get it. Yeah. That's how it's a national holiday. Yeah. So I reframed my thinking about that just in the last 30 seconds. Stepson dumped on Valentine's Day. Stepmom to the rescue with anal and facial. Free version. Nice. Free version.
That is rough to be just dumped on Valentine's Day. Thank God a stepmom is such a caring and giving person. Well, I have the counterpart to that video. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Pure taboo Eliza Eves gets deflowered by her stepdad because her BF ditched. her on valentine's day so wow just a lot of those step parents just stepping in to step parents stepping in you know yeah to to see to their step children and to step up
Step up, really. Step parents stepping up. Stepping in to step up. Step beside my office. Okay, whose turn is it? Is it me? No, it's me. You just went. I just went. Greedy. Valentine Tensura is on a sperm collection mission. This is obviously someone's name is Valentine, but I thought that was funny. But sperm collection mission is incredible. Yeah. That's creative. Not a mission impossible, I'll tell you that much. I was going to say, I bet you can get some if you really...
work hard. Yeah. Shy girlfriend becomes a slut on Valentine's day. Oh yeah. Now that is a reason to celebrate, you know, that's a, that's a good holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Man Royale, Valentine's Day strawberry foreplay fuck with Brian Cole. Strawberry foreplay. Interesting. Like we're eating strawberries off of each other, feeding them. Got it. Okay, last one for me.
Horny older man makes lustful eye contact with the boy and sticks his tongue in the horny boy's mouth. Happy Valentine's Day, my cutie. Aw. Got sweet there at the end. Just kept going. Yeah. Little twist at the end. Okay. Last one for me. Okay. Just straight point. Uncle sucking me on Valentine's Day. Wow. Yeah, leave it to the pornverse. Yeah, something obviously something interesting is happening with my algorithm.
If you can see. Oh, interesting. Okay. A lot of family, a lot of, a lot of family stuff. Okay. Did you have a family visit recently or is that just, uh, all right, let's take a break. Okay. Guys, I got to be honest. A lot of people have been coming up to me lately and being like, you are literally glowing. What is going on with you? And I got to tell you my secret. It's Prolon.
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R-O-L-O-N-L-I-F-E.com slash GOP to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. PearlOnLife.com slash GOP. Long-time friends finally fuck on Romantic Valentine's Day from Disruptive Films, starring JT and Asher Day. Now, what's interesting about this video is that we actually found it on an aggregate, so it's a shorter clip.
Chopped up. It's a preview. As folks might be familiar, you can often see like a 10 or 15 minute version of like an hour long video that you'd pay for. Like it would be behind a paywall. This is the most romantic straight conversion porn I've ever seen. Literally. It was hot to me. Spoiler. You know? Yeah. No, it's so sweet. And it has like...
Decent writing, can I say? No, Disruptive Films is amazing. It feels similar to Adult Time in that it has really good writing. It's shot really well. It feels like it's a TV series. Yeah, and the acting is like pretty ground. yeah and like they had a whole like you know disruptive like sizzle reel at the top of this video and i was like this is fucking prestige like this this is good cinema
Yes. These are films. Yeah. Okay. So a little synopsis. It's Asher Day and JT are like two like good friends. One is a homosexual. Which is okay for a straight and a gay to be friends. But the gay will convert the straight to homosexuality. So just know that that is on the table. That's just what's going to happen because men can't be friends without fucking.
So they were watching, like, a scary movie or whatever, and then Jay's... sister comes in and whatever and like they were like there was like a cute moment where like yeah asher like went to like hug her and like kind of gave like a limp wrist i was like sweetie you don't need to do that like we know you're gay
Yeah. You don't need to telegraph. Yeah. At first I was like, what, what is this like five act structure storyline happening before you would get to the sex? Yeah. Like initially I was like, where is sister coming? Like why is sister here? But then it was kind of sweet. Cause sister.
like we do a whole sequence of scenes where like sister's like hey i'm gonna take you guys out and then it's like later that week and she's like yeah so how are things with your going you know what's going on there yeah she like many times it's like i love you whatever you want to do Right. Such a supportive girl. Gently opening the door for her brother to be gay.
It's really sweet. And she's like, I just think that he's in love with you. I think he has a crush on you. And I think like maybe you might have a crush on him. Yeah. You know? And then we just get this very sweet, simple couch moment between the boys. On Valentine's Day. They accidentally. They're like, oh, I was going to hang. We're just hanging on Valentine's Day. Yeah. And he's like, my sister said the craziest thing. Yeah. And then they just.
lean over and start making out and fucking but there's like a cute little like consent talk or like yeah good point ash was like you know like obviously like if you want to do it like i would want you to like try it with me you know
Because he would want him to be in like a safe space, you know? Of course. Yeah. That's so sweet video. I'm telling you. I know. And he was like, you know, like, obviously, like, tell me if you're like not comfortable with anything. Yeah. And it's like really sweet. I was like, I'm like blushing.
yeah like i was like wait um and then we just cut to like asher like sucking jay's cock and it's like immediately i was like oh okay like they're into it you know and it was enough of a backstory for me to like i'm like obviously this is these are both two gay men, but I was like, wait, this is immediately hornier to me because I'm like, this is supposedly like his first time and he's like really enjoying it. And it's a really sweet video. I mean, they're like, I mean, it's obviously like.
they're fucking and been pounding and there's a lot of like kissing too which i like yeah sometimes you know you don't see enough kissing i feel like in gay porn with men and like i loved how much jay was like whoa he's like enjoying this he's like oh this is fun. You know, like we should have done this sooner. Yeah. And yeah, it was really hot to me. It was delightful. I thought so.
surprised by it like it's yeah it's a porn like it has a little bit of the cheesy vibe it's not fully fucking prestige as much as we can sure joke that it is or that they these films do get sort of close yeah but it did feel kind of it felt really like humid
And it's, you know, I don't usually watch porn for like multiple beat story. Right. But for these purposes, I was like, this is so sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And it just like flips the genre on its head of like getting your buddy to fuck you, you know, like. The emotional component is like a nice layer to add to a trope that we see all the time in the gay space. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I really enjoyed it. I thought there was like a lot of, there was a lot of changing in positions and it was, you know, there was a lot of like pounding. He, he wrote him, there was a lot of like pounding from below, which I thought was hot. Yeah. Asher jerking himself off while he was getting fucked. from behind which i love to see and then you know jay comes really hard and it was hot to me yeah that's really nice yeah it did something for me i'll tell you that much yeah
I didn't jill off to it, but it's worthy. But you could see why one would. I can see why one would. I can absolutely get on board with one jerking off to that one. Should we do the next video? Yeah! This is from Sin Sage. It's called Valentine's Day's Strap-On Surprise and it stars Sin Sage and Sydney Screams. And it's another, it was fun that we picked sort of like two like gay couples. Yeah, I kind of did that on purpose. Yeah.
sent us a few options and i was like it could be cute if we did like one little gay romance and one little lesbian romance yeah like yeah i don't know it feels very balanced right So these two girlies are sitting on their bed and they're like, you know, complimenting each other as two high fems.
will and porn you know um just like you look so pretty you look so pretty like i love this lingerie like you look so beautiful baby you know and then surprise sin was like i got something for you to like try it you know kind of cute that they're going to try something different. And Sen has a... massive stripe on big old dildo big old big old dick yeah the only thing i found unbelievable about this is that i was like i i wanted to understand why
Like what was the context on the gift? Because it was like, you know, it was like, oh my God, you got this for me. And I'm like, if my partner, if I knew for a fact that my partner wanted to have strap on sex. Like that would have happened a lot sooner. You know, like what was the wait about? Like, what are you waiting for? So I was like, I was like, maybe I was inventing too much of a backstory, but I was like, maybe.
The one lesbian wasn't into strap-on sex because some folks are like, don't want the phallus, like, don't want to buy into that kind of sex. Yeah. And maybe it was like... a generous gift for the one that does like this, you know, kind of like, Hey, I know this is something you're into. So maybe it was a kind of G I put a whole backstory on this. Cause I was like, I need to justify the lesbians acting like the strap on wasn't available to them throughout, you know?
Maybe they waited for the Valentine's Day sale. Maybe. Maybe. Listen, there's a lot of explanations. You can fill in your own blanks. I will say, though, for a gay video, like, it was sort of like... phallus centric like there was a lot of like sucking on the dick a lot of pounding yeah and not really a lot of like eating out or going down on one another it was mostly just like penetrative sex yeah just a little bit of that like some retraction
and like that kind of thing but yeah you're right like lots of yeah penetrative sex which again is kind of funny like maybe that justifies the storyline that one happens to be into phallic sex and the other one's like yeah let's do it your way tonight you know right right But you're right. Like it doesn't feel like a highly sapphic lesbian porn just because like the sex does feel like it mimics heterosex a bit more than you sometimes see.
And it was like, you know, I mean, Sydney does like make sin come with her hands at the end. But I was like, yeah. And maybe like that's how Sydney comes is like internally, you know. So, but it was, I mean, it was nice. It was nice to see bigger bodies, a lot of nipple play, a lot of like mashing of titties together, which is like, again, like sometimes, you know, like, it's just like, let's just, what's this, what does this do? Like, what if we put these?
Let's just squish them all together. Cause listen, sex and kink is adult play, you know? It is. It really is. We're just being playful. It's fun. We're just playing. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed it, but I will say because I, um. Like gay sex. I liked the two men. Yeah. She likes to. Yeah. But it was a good video. We really hit the sweet spot with the straight conversion porn for you. I'm sure. I should start like predicting.
I should write on like a post-it, which films I think you jilled off to. Cause I think it's, I can nail that a hundred percent. That would be fun. Like no doubt. You know my type. Oh, Rachel's into this one. Like this one will get Rachel. Shocker. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But both ultimately kind of sweet videos. They were sweet videos. And it made me be like, yeah, Valentine's Day is romantic. You know? Yeah. It is. Yeah. It is. Well.
Thanks so much for listening to Girls on Porn. You can find us on our Instagram at girlsonporn. That's porn without the O. On our website, girlsonporn.com. On our YouTube, youtube.com slash at girlsonporn. And on our Patreon, patreon.com slash. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe if you haven't already. And if you want to leave us a cheeky little five-star review,
Feel free to include your Instagram handle so we can tag it and thank you. This has been Girls on Porn, the only GOP that's actually any good. Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Valentine's Day! That was a hate gum podcast. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less.
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