Giggling about con mums, toe nails, and new friends - podcast episode cover

Giggling about con mums, toe nails, and new friends

Apr 01, 202545 min
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Summary

Hannah and Paige discuss topics ranging from Paige's weekend in Albany and a raging UTI to Benny Blanco's interesting toenail art and their perspectives on relationships. They also delve into new TV shows like "The Baldwin" and discuss the stresses of preparing for their upcoming book press run, offering listeners a mix of personal anecdotes and pop culture commentary.

Episode description

Hannah might have made a new friend and Paige got another UTI.


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Transcript

17 years ago, a family business changed how schools would organize parents' evenings forever. They created a website called Parents Booking that encouraged parents to pick their own appointment times. Attendance is sought. Schools save money and classroom time. Today, 4,000 schools trust Parent Booking to connect parents and teachers in person or through video meetings. Can your school improve its parents evenings? Create your school's free trial at parents-booking.com. Every day.

Thousands of One Little Wipes flushed down the toilet cause damage to people's homes and the environment. Over 60% of blocked pipes are caused by your One Little Wipe. When the pipes block, they back up and can cause flooding with sewage. The answer is simple. just got away from me what's up my gregarious gigglers have I said that one before I don't know but why did it

What's up my garage band gigglers? Do you remember? Garage band? Kids who knew how to use garage band. I never knew how. I was like, they're going to win a Tony. Yeah. They're going to win a Grammy. They're theater kids. Yeah. With cooler hours. Sorry, no hate to the theater. No hate to the theater kids. We support. you are I know you are you still haven't watched wicked I'm such a bully

Like, I'm literally such a high school bully on this pod. I'm like, get in the locker, you theater nerd. I performed at New Haven and I realized it's like where Yale is. So I got on stage and I'm like, what's up? you fucking nerds. And I was like, oh my God. Wait, you're gorgeous. Wait, can you guys mark that time code? This has never happened. Why am I obsessed with your blue eyeshadow? do you know it's so funny i went to the bathroom before the pod looked at myself and i

If Paige doesn't mention my blue eyeshadow, she doesn't care about me. And you brought it up within the first two minutes. I love it. It's like, I think it's something with your hair color and the blue and your eye color. Because your hair color is honestly your eye.

And so it's so cohesive. Wait, I'm obsessed. And you do your lips like the same color as your cheeks. You're just. Wait, it was a risk. No, I love it. What do you love? I'm obsessed. Okay, I think this blue, it's like a matte light blue. It's either Halsey's line. No, I think it's about, it might not be. I'll put in the newsletter. I'll put in the newsletter. I hung out with a straight man accidentally. Where?

work stuff. Chris, tell me if I'm right or wrong. They do this thing where like when they try to connect with you, they keep showing you YouTube videos. And it made me feel like an outdoor cat who brings you a dead pigeon. And you go, ooh, and then you go, oh, wait, that's her love language. Yeah.

Oh, they're trying to connect. Got it. Thank you. That's them showing affection. Because he showed me one video. And you know, like, you get the point after. Yeah. And it, like, I just. Oh, my God. That's so. funny i sat there for like two minutes watching it and like oh you watched the full yeah and then i was like okay that was a one-off he really is passionate about this video and like 10 seconds later he's like oh watch this and i was like oh this is

This is a thing. This is a thing in the community. Chris, is this what you guys do? Yeah, I call it YouTube waterboarding. Wait. YouTube waterboarding. Like men. That was the question. What are men? What are men like? Do you guys waterboard each other? Do you ever say, bro,

I don't want to watch this. Yeah, that's why I started calling it waterboarding. Because all men do is hang out and go, bro, watch this. There's something also about when someone's watching me watch a video, I can't enjoy the video. Me neither. There's too much stimulation. You know when the whole men talk about...

like think about World War II or like talk about it whatever I was with a man recently and I don't know how it came up in conversation it was like something on TV and I was like is that true like do you guys really like talk about World War II all the time and he was like no we talk about gladiators. And I was like, got it, got it, got it. Do you know Des studied history?

Really? And now I'm realizing it's because he just wanted to learn about gladiators. Yeah. Yeah. They love it. They talk about how football players are the modern day gladiators. That's what I was told. And I was like. I see how you got there. No, I definitely see how you got there. Men love. They do love knowing about wars, but they don't like to learn from history. Yeah.

or learn about women's bodies like they'll remember every like 1912 war but they can't remember where your clit is like there's just like a cognitive dissonance that i've been trying to nail down when you're talking about war i'd like to be like and why do you think that happened I had the most page coded weekend I think I've ever like if I look back on my Friday and Saturday.

That's who I am. You feel aligned in your destiny. Friday, I had to go to Albany because we have this like, it's called Ford Orange Club and it's like a, like a social club. It's not like a. Whatever that means. Sounds important. It sounds important. Like every month they have like a guest speaker or whatever. Ford Orange does sound like a strain of weed. Yeah, Ford Orange. You got that good Ford Orange, right? Look at me pretending I smoke weed. Yeah, that Ford Orange last night was crazy, bro.

I smoked it. Oh, God. I need a YouTube series where you just get high. Like, and we count the minutes. It would literally be just me staring at my fingernails for two hours. Yeah, but it would be funny. But who knows? Maybe that's our ASMR. So you go to Fort Orange. So I go to Fort Orange and I have to give. Like I have to be like the guest speaker, whatever. And we're driving there. My parents are.

me because it's like a local whatever. I have no idea what to expect. I asked zero questions. So page coded. I was just like, yep, I'll be there. And I have I know what I'm wearing. So like, I don't need to know anything else. And that's how she deals with Giggly Squad shows as well. Packed my outfit and I'm done. So I get there and my mom's like, what are you going to say? And I'm like, Kim.

Kim, that's not my business. And it's none of my business what I say up there. So I get up there like on the stage and I'm just like looking around. It's just like seven rows of like white men's pictures and like black and white photos, like frames. And I was just like. They're rolling in their graves with their dad bots. I'm literally up there being like, fuck the patriarchy. Do whatever you want. You start a feminist rant at this like old man rally.

They're even too old for January 6th. But it's all gigglers in the crowd. Oh, okay. So we're just like, everyone's hyping each other up. Okay. Okay. That's on Friday. That same day, don't you know? The FDA approves a new UTI drug. I'm getting it sent to me in my DMs. Like everyone's like, oh my God, Paige, you're going to want to see this new. Yeah, people are sending it to me to send to you. It was like the first drug that they've approved in like 30 years.

Okay. Later that evening, I get the worst UTI. I've ever gotten in my entire life. This happens to you every week. No, I really haven't gotten one. Okay, I've lied sometimes. Remember when you had to miss the podcast last week? Sorry. I get the craziest raging UTI I like have extra pills, whatever. I wake up Saturday morning. I telehealth it up. I'm like, hey, I get a new prescription. Saturday night, I go with my brother and his girlfriend to the Tom Segura stand-up show.

Killed. Shout out Chrissy D. It was so much. I love it was at MSG. It was just so fun. I was home. I was in bed by 10. I was asleep by 11. Oh. It was just gorgeous. I have a question. Yeah. Does being single correlate with less UTIs? Okay. Well, you'd think. You'd freaking think. Because I'm Friday night. Like, obviously, I'm still, I'm 32 years old. but like I was home. So like when I step into Albany and I step onto my parents' street, I'm sick.

I'm 16. I have to ask to leave the house. Like I could never just leave my house. Like that would be. Get permission. Ask when they want you home. So it's like Friday night. Sneak in a weed pen. 10 o'clock and I'm like. And my mom can hear me. And here's the other thing. I'm in the bathroom in my room for like a while. Yeah. But my bathroom is above her bedroom. So she knows when I'm in the bathroom. She knows when you have a tummy ache. So if I'm in there too long, she's like, what?

Wait, that is so funny. You guys have an unhealthy relationship. Very. Yeah. So she comes up. I hear coming up the stairs. Okay. And like, I immediately turned 16. I'm like, I think I actually might have a UTI, but I promise I actually didn't even have sex. And she just looks at me and she goes, okay. She was like, well, you don't always have to have sex to get a UTI.

whore I was like yeah I just was giving blowjobs I wasn't letting him go in I just didn't know but I'm like racking my brain because I'm like how did I get one without having sex you sat on an MSG chair with like mostly men in that stadium I don't know and then I was like well did I use a new soap like have I and I was like you know what I think my immune system's just down like I'm coming up with like all these things

But anyway, you were you actually weren't late, but you messaged me that you might be late because Kitty was making biscuits on your face. And I realized if you have a cat and your cat's making biscuits on your face, Google making biscuits. If you don't know, I honestly don't have the time to explain it. It's dermaplaning. No, it's literally. Lymphatic massage. Yeah, it's amazing. I was like, yeah, deep puff.

I like to let the Googlers know like where we are in our cycles. I got my period. It woke me up yesterday morning like violently. Okay. I'm actually so glad. updating the gigglers on my egg freezing process. Yeah. Did I tell them how they want me to go on birth control? Yeah. Oh, I did? I think so. Okay. They want me to go on birth control for like a week. And I was just like. I don't want to. So I have to wait till May to see if I get my period naturally. And if I don't get it.

Do you think if you just like hang out with me enough days in a row, like my alpha energy of my period might. synchronize well i i actually think i am supposed to have my period right now because my boobs are a little bit big that's wait also I'm wearing the Skims nipple bra because I just want to. Is that still available? Oh!

You almost poked me in the eye. I'm kind of obsessed. I need to get it in nude. Yeah. Well, I love that for you. Thank you. I love how she's like, this is the sass on my nipples, my UTI. Yeah. so bad on like the day, two days before my period. And it was a weird PMS where like. I had no one I was mad at. No one I knew of who was mad at me. Nothing that was stressing me out.

But like the PMS is stronger than all those factors. You were enraged. And I was sitting there and I knew that I was losing my mind. Yeah. And I was. I was anxious about nothing. Yeah. And it was so frustrating because like you feel crazy. Like I was just sitting there like.

You just feel like you want to punch something, but you have no valid reason. Every day there's something that goes wrong. So normally I can put it into that. But I really had a very low drama day. So I was just sitting there fighting my own battles. No, honestly. I've used the phrase, can I just. They'll like send me something like, did you see this? Did you see that? I'm like, can I just have.

where someone's not pissing me the fuck off. Just eight hours, not even a full day. Just a work day. Just a work day. Just a nine to five work day. So yeah, I was PMSing really bad. Got my period. Everyone's okay now. We believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way.

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17 years ago, a family business changed how schools would organize parents' evenings forever. They created a website called Parents Booking that encouraged parents to pick their own appointment times. Attendance is soared. Schools save money and classroom time. Today, 4,000 schools trust Parent Booking to connect parents and teachers in person or through video meetings. Can your school improve its parents' evenings? Create your school's free trial at parents-booking.com.

I do have one thing to bring to the forefront that it. Please. I keep getting like all these TikToks of like Selena and Benny and like they've been doing like press and like whatever. I like their song Sunset Boulevard. Yeah. And I like them. Have you seen his toenails? No, that hasn't come across my desk. Do us a favor, type in Benny Blanco's toenails. Poor Chris. He's like, can I have a day? No, literally. He's like, give me a day. They are amazing.

Are we talking about the art? Yes. This man, and I can't believe I'm even saying this because if someone said like, oh, he paints his toenails, I'd be like, ick. No, they're literally works of art. Please Google the sushi one. Wait, like should be in the MoMA. No, like he literally. Wait, so if your boyfriend started doing this. Honey.

not mine. That's not my brand. Well, my thing is that it takes forever. Yeah. But like what a quirky, fun, creative thing. He's very quirky. Like I like it for him. Not my man. Can I say a hot take? And a lot of time when people have a traumatic relationship in the public eye, the next relationship, they decide to keep it private. Yeah. They're not. No. Do you think that she's just like, this is my life, I might as well monetize it?

What a great deep question, Hannah. I'm going to tell you what I really feel. I think she feels so protected by him that- She wants to show it off. There's nothing that could- anyone on the outside world could say or do about their relationship that would throw them off. This is a perfect example. Paige, you shouldn't say that.

He should. I didn't say it yet. I didn't say it yet. Because I'm getting to it. Like I'm always like the guy should love the girl more. Yeah. A hundred percent. Like full stop. I don't care what you're. is that it should be equal. It shouldn't. This is a perfect example. He loves her so much more. You can just tell. And that's how it should be. And that's why they're...

I also was going to argue they're perfect. Chris, are you trying to show us more toes? I mean, is that not the craziest thing you've ever seen? Yeah, I mean, he's a creative. Also, he shaved his toes for that. I wonder if that was part of the aesthetic. Yeah, I love that. Okay, you can put it away, Chris. Thank you. Chris does love it. Okay, Chris is going to show up. I love... that I found out Benny Blanco's written every single song.

Ever? No, literally like ever. Ever? And I love hearing musicians talk about writing songs because they're like, yeah, I did like a one-two beat. And then I said California Girls. And then like the biggest hit ever. But he is so successful and hasn't been in the room with every famous artist so he can like handle her fame. 100%. Sometimes I feel like. Maybe she would want to protect who she's dating from all the shit that she gets. I mean, he's been called.

literally a sewer troll for the last like two years. or year or whatever they've been dating. But I guess you're right. Like they're used to the public eye in a way. He has the zaniness where he could like handle it. I just love a man who's self-aware enough to be like, my job is to make her life easier. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The day I meet someone that's like, I just want to make your life easier. Yeah. I'm like, I'm nervous about it just because I'm like protective of them. And I feel like they're giving too much. They've done a couple morning shows. They're going to be fine. Yeah. Justin and Haley. Like, it's still this.

thing where, like, everyone compares and all this stuff. So the more you give, the more people can have opinions. I couldn't imagine that. I mean, dealing with it. They've been dealing. I've been literally dealing. shoot myself in the eye no I know they've been dealing with this for almost 10 years their whole life like that I would right I could never and Benny is friends with

Like they've written songs together. Yeah. Because famous people, it's like a little high school. Yeah. And they all like date and fuck each other. But I love it. I love it. I love it. I would argue if you're inspired by Selena and Benny's relationship. Don't settle for the ugly guy that likes you a lot.

because he's not benny blanco he he's not as rich or successful or nice and when you settle for an ugly guy he's actually the one that's going to break your heart Rip out your heartstrings more than anyone because you were like I was doing a make-a-wish you liked me first I felt safe

And then they get confident for a second because a cute girl like them. And then they will ruin you more than like any hot dude you've ever dated. If I had to rank all my boyfriends in my head, my two ugliest ruin my life. It's always a guy named Matt. A guy named Matt who you were like, I pulled you out of obscurity. Literally. Literally. Literally. So I'm just saying, don't like.

But let me tell you something else. The good looking ones also fuck you. True. You know? I think the key is to find a good looking guy. Nope, there's no key. Nope, no key. Nope, no key. I truly think it is. He has to be a little bit more obsessed with you than you are with him. But not too much more than it gets restraining order-y. but like he has to think about you more than you think about him. I always say that he has to know first.

I don't mean he has to choose you. I just mean he has to fucking know first and you can't have to convince him at all. If you're trying to convince him. Because I would argue that no one changes. Nobody changes. Well, we're just saying generic statements now. Do you want to know something? No one changes. My grandma. Rest in peace.

My grandma gave me two pieces of advice and I remember them to this day. The first one, she said, if you're dating someone new, Paige, you have to experience all four seasons with them because people are different. at different times of the year. And two, people don't And I feel like I get pushback on that statement so much where it's like, I feel like bridesmaids where it's like, well. They grow. They don't.

People don't change. They can give you like a representative for a certain amount of time. And I've met some amazing representatives. My biggest advice with dating, because now I'm remembering what I used to be when dating. is I would see a guy I wanted, and then I would just- taken all the information of like what he wanted yeah and like respond the way I thought he wanted to respond and like men are kind of simple and the next thing you know

Like, I would be a representative. And then you look in the mirror and you're like, who the fuck is this? And even though he likes you, you don't like who you've become. And you're like, wait, I got what I wanted and I miss who I was. So that was like how I dated. I feel like we dated very differently, but had like the same problem. Like you even saying like you saw a guy you wanted and you would go after them. I had a therapist tell me one time like.

Of all the dating stories you tell me, never once have you picked the guy. Like you keep letting them pick you and you don't like them. Like, why do you let them pick you? I love when I see a girl meet a really good looking guy and be like, I talked to him and we just didn't hit it off. Because when I was younger, I was like...

No, he's good looking. Yeah. Obviously I want to be with him. I was very, I really was shallow with men. Not my outfits, not myself, but with men. You loved having like a good looking man who people thought was cool. Loved it. Like, oh, that's Hannah's boyfriend. Like a handbag. Yeah. And because I thought it was. See, I loved a pet product. No. See, I thought it was like feminists. I felt like an ugly man. I liked finding them real traumatized. And being like, let me help.

And then I'd be like, and this is why your mom doesn't love you. I had something crazy happen to me this week. Tell them. There's a tennis player named Kim Clijsters. Okay. Who's one of the greatest tennis players of all time, won multiple Grand Slams. She messaged me a while ago and was like, love your special. And I was like.

I love you. I remember when you saw Coco Gauff at Vanity Fair and you literally... I was like, Hi Coco! And she was so nice. I lost my mind. She was so cool. Hi Coco, love you. so kim cloisters was like oh my god you play tennis we should hit some

That's like, okay, let me try to think of your world. Give me an analogy. I'm going to give you an analogy. That's like Victoria Beckham was like, hey, do you want to get lunch? That's like Victoria Beckham being like, hey, I'm going to go shopping. Can you help me?

And you didn't do anything to make her do that. Like she was like, Hey Paige, I love your outfit. Can you come shopping with me? Oh my God. No, I would cry. So I'm sitting, I thought she was like being nice. Yeah. Didn't say anything. Cause I'm not like that. Okay. I'm not good at talking to important people. If they want to talk to me, that's fine, but I'll get out of it pretty quick before I embarrass myself.

so then like she commented on some we were like kind of commenting a little bit and she kept being like when do you want to hit And I was like, she was following up with the plan. She was just like, she's pulling it in. Yes. So then the other week she was like, Hannah, are you in town? And I was like, you know, actually, I am. Like, Giggly Squad Tour is over. I'm in town. And she's like, do you want to hit on Friday? And I was like, that would be the greatest thing.

happened to me so where'd you go so we go to this place in like hell's kitchen she came from new jersey okay which is like a while so i immediately felt pressure i was like she came all the way from new jersey i can't fuck this shit up yeah mind you My cardio is not great right now. I've been on planes. I'm trying to come up with excuses. I've, look, I'm not. Have I told you about my walking pad? Oh.

I told everyone about my walking pad. The things you do instead of therapy. I'm obsessed with my walking pad. And if you think, have you been getting the TikToks of the girls with the splits machines? Splits? Like you do a split? Yeah. It's like you put your legs. It looks like stirrups. It looks like the things like when you go to the gynecologist. Like you put your legs in them. Oh, and you push it together? And then you crank this thing.

No, you crank this thing and it stretches your legs and you just like sit like that. So girls are just going to tear their groin. Well, my ordered one. Wait, I'm getting the ones where your body just like shakes. Oh, you are. So you like have an exorcism. My goal is I want to be able to do a split by July. I love that you brought that up because...

I've never come close to a split. Me neither. And I think the universe did that to me because they knew if I could do a split. It's all you would do. It's all I would do. Super annoying. Hopped down into a split anywhere, everywhere. My penis split right now. Yeah. Also, I do have to say when I would sex back in my day, I was like, split on the dick.

Like I was false advertising that shit. I was like leg behind my head, both legs behind my head. And then I show up at his place and I'm like, my stomach hurts. and it starts shaking and you're like, that's so embarrassing. I've never even gotten to the shaking part. My leg's just like, no.

But I think it's genetic that people can do splits. I think it's probably. Like, you know, people come out of the womb and they're just like doing splits. Flexible. Wait, why am I jealous how flexible babies are? They're so flexible. Do you ever see them just like put their foot in their mouth? Yeah, what's the age that you're starting to lose your flexibility and you don't even know it? What's the age where all your trauma starts to get stored in your hips? In your hips, yeah.

so anyway i have all my trauma story to my hips my lower back and i go up to meet kim clysters and when i tell you she's cool like She some guys there recognizes her speaking French to her. She's speaking French. She's awesome. We get on the court and we start hitting and it's like incredible. the woman i used to watch on tv who's and and also it's like her art right this is her this is the story of it was good to meet your hero

Yes. Yeah. But you're like, what's the point of this story? Can we wrap it up? A lot of side tangents. But long story short, 10 minutes in, I was like really excited. What'd you wear? I just wore a white polo and Lululemon leggings and Coco Gauff New Balance shoes. It wasn't a look, but it was like primed to perform. Okay.

So 10 minutes in. Some say if you look good, you play good, but. Not here. We don't say it here. Serena Williams did say that. So I don't know if you've ever been like nervous plus hyped up. Sure have. Yeah.

you're already like breathing yeah heavy plus like she's obviously doesn't miss right 10 minutes in i'm like i'm gonna tank so i start just like bringing up conversation like oh quick question trying to like catch your own breath no i can't breathe yeah i'm like it's also because I haven't played and I went from like zero to a hundred yeah I keep pretending to tie my shoes like I like took off my shoe at one point and read I like

took apart my shoe re-put my shoe together and then we sit down and she's asking me like nice questions and i'm trying to talk but i'm i've i'm literally so out of breath i can't speak how long do you play for so We ended up talking a lot because I was...

And we ended up probably total playing for like 25, 30 minutes. I felt bad. But like, you know, she wasn't there to have like the hit of her life. Right. But I, I like, I did well. Yeah. And I hadn't played in a couple months. Yeah. And I feel like newly inspired. And now you're friends. And I have new best friends. Wait. So that was the point of the story. You have a new friend and you wanted to run it by me and see how it.

And you tried to distract me with that you love tennis, she loves tennis, I don't really care about tennis. You even said we didn't even wear good outfits, you would have had a horrible time. Then afterwards, you know when you leave, and then I was also PMSing, so I was like...

I don't know if she liked me. If she went all the way away from New Jersey. She has a family. She left her family. That was a waste of my time. That wasn't worth it. Like, I literally convinced myself that I wasted her time. And then the next day she texted me. And I've been married for a while. Yeah.

I felt like. You forgot what it was. You know, after a date when you're like 50-50 and then he texts you and you go. Yeah. Yeah. And you go from nothing to being like, am I the greatest who ever did it? Yeah. So, but now I don't know what to text her. What do you, what do I do? You're always in this predicament. I always get in this. I think I'm shyer. Yeah. With like.

Text me? Yeah, you are. Then you are in person. It's because I have a friend named Haley who I love, Haley Nicola. She listens to every episode. Not Haley B. And Haley harasses me over text. No, Haley. Texting? Should be studied. So I warn people. I say Haley is the greatest human on this planet. The greatest. You got to carve out at least 45 minutes if you're going to throw her a text. I go do not judge her by her texting habits because Haley likes to text.

Continuously. As the thoughts come to her. And she's quick. God forbid she thinks before she texts. She starts off with, hey. You're watching her come up with it as she texts you. And if you look at your phone, it looks like corn on the cob. Just like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So Hayley, I love you. So anyway, I'm working on a new friendship. I'll keep you guys posted. Not intimidated. Good. of our world-class finance courses are right for you by searching LBS Finance today.

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I have another hot take. Okay. I watched The Baldwin. Okay. It literally keeps getting advertised to me on my Amazon Prime. It's like, shows you would like, shows you would like, shows you would like. I'm like, I can't. How is it? So I have a lot of thoughts. Okay. First off, I watched the Rust. which is a documentary about what happened. Okay, with the whole Spanish accent thing? No, with the whole Alec Baldwin.

Oh, the whole shooting incident. Now I sound so insensitive. I'm like, they made a documentary about her fake accent. The truth is the reality series is covering... Him going through the trials. Okay. And she's also, they acknowledge like that she gets a lot of hate for her Spanish stuff. Like they don't ignore it at all. Wow. Because like basically we're like, they're like, if you're going to do it, you have to show us this stuff. Why are they?

I mean, they got a fucking baseball team. I have to say the first episode. i was intrigued really first and it's because first of all you're watching an a-lister al baldwin he's going through the trauma of And I think she's gorgeous. Like. She's gorgeous. Yeah. The trauma. You're watching the trauma of him. Like. it's unfathomable how horrible what happened. And he's clearly in a really bad place. And they're in a four or five bedroom. apartment in New York City with seven kids.

And they go through and like describe each of the kids kind of like the seven dwarves. Like they're like, he's dopey. He's silly. This one's. No, seven kids. Crazy. I'm obsessed. Like, I loved watching, like... Lives of the rich and famous. Remember VH1? Do you remember that guy's voice? Yeah. Where it was like... it was like British but I was like Paris Hilton has 7,000 water bottles for something. And you're just like, oh my God.

40 billion crystals on her toilet. And if you think that was crazy, wait till her 21st birthday. Like that was his voice and I love that fucking guy. bring that show back where is that show his estate on the mountain no one's allowed to go unless what i love seeing like people's rich crazy lives but like This is insane. But you do see like their relationship is.

different than you think it's actually so funny you say that like obviously the internet is built and like influencers is built on like relatability in some capacity like I love seeing a bitch that I relate to But the second best thing is someone I don't relate to at all. Like I, I'm like that. A woman with seven kids? I can't relate. I understand why this was like greenlit because there's so much crazy stuff.

I don't love that the kids are on TV, especially like the oldest one who's amazing and so funny and so cute. But like they don't just have seven kids. They have four cats and four dogs. happening. So I'm intrigued. I'm like, I need to understand what's going on. I'm locked into this. And she, you know, She has a sense of humor. She has a charisma. She has a charisma. So she was a yoga teacher, which, you know, yoga teachers are.

Fucking bonkers. Crazy. Crazy. But yoga teachers are like, if I'm going to talk to someone in the room, I want to talk to the yoga teacher because she's going to be inspiring. She's loony. Manifesting shit. So she's, she handles him because he's. Also, he's hilarious. Like, he randomly would just be doing funny voices. The daughter was like...

50% of the time, my dad's really funny. And then 50% of the time, he's like, in the 80s, this is what it was like. I'm like, that's literally how I talk about Des. Yeah. You're like, that's so funny. That's how my husband is. But like, he's a... A-list actor, so every now and then he's doing funny voices, and you realize he's just kind of this creative guy. His dad wanted him to get into a real job, and he wanted to be an actor.

He's just a creative actor. She looks at him and says all these like inspirational things while he's like clearly like he's. Are they in love? I think they're functioning. Who loves the other one? I feel like he's broken. Okay. Perfect. He's broken. And she, he basically was like, I had. And she's uplifting. He literally said, I had the worst home life and horrible family life. And all I wanted was to come home to a home full of children.

and a wife that holds me down. Damn. And he's like, she keeps my life together and she is the like. the uplifting positive voice that I need and she's he can be like grumpy and stuff and she always is positive by the way nothing happens in the show like the first episode is like you get the point yeah

Because the first episode is them in the city being like, okay, we're going to go out to the Hamptons. Not that easy when you have seven kids and seven animals. I mean, you don't even sit in one car. And they have two nats. So they have three cars, and they have a whole chart system, and the kids are biting each other and crying, and they can't find a cat. I actually can't wait to make my first chart system as a mom. No, so she's like, and Alec Baldwin goes, whatever you do.

i don't want the cats in the car i love them but i'm allergic and to be in the car i can't do Of course, she puts all the cats in his car. Yeah. And it probably produces more than that. 100%. But, like, it's a fascinating look into these people's lives. But they talk about how, yeah, they kind of have to hide a lot. They just like hide together and they have each other. But what happened on that set with Helena, the director, is so devastating because basically they didn't.

Long story short, they didn't have a lot of funding. They ended up hiring a girl who like wasn't really qualified and her job was to manage the guns. And what happened is there's not supposed to be any real rounds on set. And it was randomly in a bunch of guns, real bullets. No, that's so terrifying. So like the fact that it didn't happen before he did it is like a miracle. And the day, this is really upsetting, but the day that it happened.

the day before a bunch of people had quit because they felt like it wasn't safe Cause there'd been like some mistakes and they were like, we can't be on this set anymore. We don't feel like it's safe. Oh my God. And some cameramen quit. And that's why the director was standing up by the camera. Cause normally she would be away.

And that's why when he, so, oh my God, I'm going to, I'm like shaking. So it's fucking insane. And he's lived a long life and he's like, this, this is nothing like I've ever been able to deal with before. Fast forward, everyone's talking about speaking of Hollywood, the studio. Seth Rogen, have you watched? I have watched. What are they loving? I don't need to be stressed out. and they're calling it cringe comedy it's not cringe it's i'm stressed out comedy like you know what it's like

I tripped. Then I broke my leg. Then someone needs my leg. Then I lose money and I don't have any money. And then I'm lying in the street. I'm like, I'm stressed. It's not my type. It's not my type of humor. Wait, so you agree with me? I agree with you. Okay, I thought I was crazy because people were like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Do I think the cinematography is fantastic? Phenomenal. Do I love every actor in it? Absolutely. Was Martin Scorsese?

Incredible. Chef's kiss is Seth Rogen. A genius? Yeah. A master of his time. Yes. But like, not my sense of humor. Not my sense of humor. I do like that it is, it feels...

It feels like they really did take from their lives. Like, these are real scenarios. Look, am I going to be watching every episode? Yes. Well, there's nothing else on TV. There's nothing else on TV anymore. And when Apple comes out with something, I watch it. They don't fuck around. Yeah, they're quality over quantity. Have you heard about The Pit?

Is it about a hospital? You would hate it. This is the thing. Everyone's saying it's good, but I am, I get. You would dislike it. If I see blood. It's really good because it's one, the season is one day. It's one day broken up into like the hours of the day is each of the episodes. Did you ever watch? I heard of it. OK, so it's like that where it's like one day in the hospital and.

It's really good because there is a really like realistic factor in it not that I've ever worked in a hospital or like no you're like but I watch Grey's Anatomy so this is actually that's a that's Compared to Grey's Anatomy, is it accurate? I think it's accurate. It's similar to Grey's Anatomy, but it's not as romantic as Grey's Anatomy.

Grey's Anatomy was a fucking sex show. Would you hook up with McDreamy? Hell yeah. What? Have you ever watched Scandal? Yeah. Would you rather hook up with McDreamy or the president? McDreamy. McDreamy. McSteamy, actually. I was more of a McSteamy. Okay, I have to look at them all up. But, like, obviously, if they're over 40, I'm in. But the main doctor in the pit is so hot. Like, that's who you're. Like, I'm watching.

And there's something about like a man in charge who like keeps his cool. It's just so fucking hot. Hot take. I think there's more male doctors because they don't have empathy. Wow. What an interesting take. They're more nurturing, so it would be too tough.

I don't know. I do know that the nurses that are primarily women, it's just weird the nurses are primarily women. And let's be honest, the nurses are doing everything. The doctor comes in and it's like. The show actually kind of like there's one head nurse and it's like.

She's running shit. Yeah. And then the doctor comes in and goes, you're welcome. Walks out. Yeah. But there is a sense of like being a doctor is about like every day you can see the most depends what kind of doctor you are, obviously. Sometimes you're just like, this show is trauma. They're a trauma center. You have to go home after that. And like, I don't know how they do that. And like talk to your wife. I don't know how.

field legitimately did COVID. Shout out to all of them. I'd love to know how many people after COVID in the medical field quit. Well, because it was it was irrational and insane and they went above and beyond to like help the world. Yeah. But I also maybe it's kind of like me with watching murder documentaries where like maybe some of these people are like.

whatever happens during the day reminds myself my day could have been worse. Like maybe they're like, I can handle all this because then I'll be grateful that like I'm alive. That's how people feel. Exactly. They're like, well, I don't got those kind of problems. Oh, one more thing I was watching. Con Mom. I think I saw. Con Mom. Advertisement. It's on Netflix. Oh, my God. It's documentary style. You guys love I Know A Con. It's like a girl or woman that pretends to be someone's mom.

So I don't want to give away who she is, but basically this, like, adorable pastry chef meets a woman who's also adorable. They fall in love. They get pregnant. she realizes he has some demons that he hasn't worked out. If I had a nickel. Perfect type. Yep. She's like, I will fix you. And he's like, I don't talk to my dad anymore. He was like, not cool. And I don't know who my mom. And out of nowhere, he gets.

Being like, hey, I'm your mom. And he asked her like a bunch of questions and she knows the answers to all of them about his life. And she's like changed her name a couple of times. Wait, spoiler alert. Is it the wife? No. Okay. But I love your thinking. You sick buck. Okay, keep going. So then he meets her and she destroys her life. Is she... Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Is she... Spoiler alert. Is she... Spoiler alert. I said that the whole time.

Wait, why don't people use the phrase spoiler alert in more like everyday jargon when it has, you're not going to spoil anything. But like anytime I'm going to say Tina, I'm going to be like, spoiler alert. She's a fucking con. You go, how was your day? Spoiler alert? Not good. Wait, why do I want to call my next special spoiler alert? Wait, I kind of love it. I know. Okay, but true, I have a question. So spoiler alert. Is she his real mom?

Spoiler alert. No way! But that's like a real spoiler. Okay, the other spoiler alerts are like... Those were fake. That was real. Wait. That's great. OK, I'm going to watch that tonight then because I clicked it and I was like, I don't know. Grace, can you bleep out my answer? Because I don't I feel like I'll ruin it for people. OK. Oh, my God.

Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. But like conning and lying. It is crazy how you watch people who are very intelligent, very smart, for whatever reason, get literally groomed. Final thought. It's about to be fucking April. We're about to go on a book press run. Yeah, we are. And we're so excited. We have to get a lot of outfits.

How are you doing? I'm not doing good. I'm not doing good. Okay. I'm not doing good. Spoiler alert. Not doing good. Not great over here. I have like one outfit. We're doing Drew Barrymore tomorrow, which I'm very excited for. And we're sitting on the couch on Fallon. Yeah, we're going to pop over to Jimmy Fallon quick. We're going to say hi to Jim's.

St. Rose alumni. Here's the thing with Jimmy Fallon. I just love it so much. There's something about late night talk shows that are like very exciting to me. And what I'm most nervous about is anyone like a celebrity that I love, like if they're on Jimmy Fallon, I will watch their interview on Jimmy Fallon. He's my favorite of all the late night.

What's significant about this is like, this is Hollywood shit. Like this is a late night sitting down. And it's important because back then there were so many like. gatekeepers that would prevent two girls who are funny from making it to the couch at Jimmy Fallon and it's because of you guys and because of TikTok and because of podcasting that we're able to like do this haters will say it's photoshopped but

Wait, remember when people used to say that all the time? The thing that scares me, though? Also, there might be some Photoshop. No. The thing that scares me, though, is when you go on Jimmy Found, you have to have a story that you tell. We can't focus on one story.

Literally two seconds in, I'll be like, what is our story? I'm going to start a sidetrack. You're going to be like, Hannah, I'm going to say spoiler alert. There's a pre-interview. They call you and they like vet your stories and tell you which one they think is going to be best. But like we have to. a story we have to make up a story every once in a while like someone will comment something

with like I'll be like fuck. Every now and then you're like that's kind of funny. I'll like screenshot it and send it to my brother and be like they nailed me with that one. But someone wrote something mean on my Instagram and they're like I forget how this girl even started it. She was something like, she went to an obscure college. She went to an obscure college and like it closed. So like she's an idiot or something like that.

Where's the lie? But also, I feel like if we need a fallback, me and Jimmy Fallon went to the same college. So it's like, we'll use, that's our anchor. That is now that it got canceled. Right. And like, that's funny. That's hilarious. No, it's going to be great. We're going to be fine. I'm definitely going to take a beta block.

And you don't know what you're going to wear yet? Are you kind of? No, I don't. Because that's the one where you need to have like a look. I need to have a look. Like L-E-W-K. The only thing I know for my look for Jimmy Fallon, and I don't know why, but it's just like something. I want my décolletage out. I think I might want to do something like cold shoulder, off the shoulder. Love, love. Something with like, maybe like something. It's very like cocktail evening.

I want to go like 2016 vibes. Oh. I'm always trying to go back to 2016. Yeah, you are. I feel like. You go, is it 2016 right now? No. Like the fall of 2015. Was that when you first graduated college and you were like going out in New York City for the first time? The world is my oyster. I was like a husband. I'll find one in two seconds. Spoiler alert. I did it. Spoiler alert.

We'd love to end the show the callback. That's called a bookend. We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling. And if you haven't pre-edited a book, do it because it's going to arrive in two weeks. It's happening. It's happening. It's happening. Spoiler alert. Bye. Bye. Your cat is a master of balance. And so is Purina 1 by Fensys, which helps balance the good and bad bacteria.

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