Nicole Byer Would Haunt a Beach

What's that at bed?

It's spooky.

Hey, I'm really sure it's dead. It's coming this way.

Wait a minute, how I'm ghosted.

Ims Nandez. Please hey boo, it's me Roz. Welcome to Ghosted by Roz Hernandez, the podcast where I talk to people that I love about things that keep me up at night. Today I am joined once again by the iconic podcaster, Emmy nominated TV host, actress, comedian hilarious comedian Nicole Byer. But before we get to that, I was looking through my email ghosted by Roz at gmail dot com and I see a message from a listener named Summer. Summer writes hi Raz. When I was in college, I

Hello, Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi Hi.

How are you?

I'm good? How are you? You know?

I am I'm pretty good. It's a weird, weird time these days, it is. But you know what, I get to talk to Nicole Byer about ghosts. You've been on the show before. Here's what I remember about when you were on because it was a long time ago. It was probably like twenty nineteen. You told me about ghosts in the door place that you lived in New York.

Yes, there was like a weird child ghost.

You lived in an apartment or something in LA that had a ghost.

Yes, our cabinets would just be open for no reason. Definitely close them before going to sleep, and then they would just be open, rude. And then once me and my roommate at the time, John Millheiser, we were being very very funny in the living room and we heard a clapping right from like in the apartment. It was so wild and we were like, oh my god, is that a ghost? Should we keep being funny? And we opted to keep being funny.

And then I also remember you telling me about like you were in a hotel and somebody sat on a bed.

Yeah, I was going to sleep and I felt someone sit on the bed and I was like, I'm gonna turn around and someone's gonna be there to kill me. And then there was nobody there, and then I was like, oh my god, Okay, well I'm gonna go to sleep. Same thing happened. And then my friend Marcy was like, when there's a ghost in the room. You just tell them to go away. And I was like, if you're not my mom, go away. But then it could have been my dad, and I could have made ghosteady sad?

Did it go away?

It did? Oh wow? It was really fucking weird.

Are you open to welcoming somebody sitting on your bed that you can't see?

Listen, I'm pretty single. If it's not a parent, sure, sure, ghost fuck me. I don't care. I would like it.

I would love if that was you know, something you're into. I would love to have you come back and share how it was. I want to know every detail.

I mean me too.

A lot of people talk about it's called spectrophilia.

Really fucking a ghost.

Yes, it's a real thing. Okay. I had this girl from vander Pumper Rules, Billy Lee, on this podcast years ago, and she told a story about having sex with a ghost.

Wild.

I you know, I don't have the experience, so I really don't. I don't have any thoughts of it. And that's absolutely how wild. But what a tr eat?

I mean, we already know dating's tough. You know. People always talk about chivalries dead like maybe someone from another time period.

Another realm could show some chivalry and be a good boyfriend.

I mean, but I do want to see my partner. That would be ideal, you.

Know, yeah, I get that. That's yeah, You're not wrong for wanting that. You know. One thing I just wanted to publicly acknowledge when I came out as trans on Instagram. I turned up all the comments because it was way too overwhelming, and you were the first person to text me and tell me congratulations. Really, Now, every time I see you on TV and your podcasts and my feed and everything, I'm always like, oh, this is I'll always think of you that way.

Oh that makes me so happy. I was just so excited.

I love when people start living there like authentic truth. And I knew you'd turn off the comments, but I just wanted to let you know that I was so happy for you. And then I was worried that you'd be like bombarded with texts, but I was just like, I just want to say yay.

You got in there. In less than a minute, I posted it, and all of a sudden, I had a text message and I was like the Cold Television's The cole Buyer. It was amazing.

Oh. I was just so excited.

I lost track of the order. But then like another message I got name dropping was from Sasha Colby, who's now you know RuPaul's.

Drag Race, the reigning queen.

Exactly, So now I think of her that way as well. Hey, can I tell you about some news that came across my desk?

Yes, I love to hear.

It because you know, nowadays that usually doesn't mean anything good or exciting. However, every once in a while I get a story across my desk that actually goes along with what we were just talking about. There is a woman, a singer in the UK that married a ghost. Oh a couple of times over the years, There's been some stories. I've covered them in the past. There was a lady that married a pirate ghost.

That I remember that was that was wild for me because I'm like, what do you have in common?

Yeah, they were a pirate, You're not a pirate.

A piratete a comedian, And that's the thing. You're coming from two different time periods. Like, I'm sure it's just endless the amount of cultural differences, and it seems like it would be challenging for sure. And I must say, most of the time, you know, I want to be happy for these people because I you know, I believe in all all love is love. I support any kind of relationship, it's all unique to everyone. Whatever. But every time I see these announcements, I'm like, this isn't gonna work.

Wow.

This just sounds like a normal relationship where the man turns out to be a real fucking.

Dirt bag and makes her life a living hell.

Yeah. And I think normally you get a divorce attorney mm hmmm, but in this situation you get an exorsis the priest. Yeah, So it says he's making her life a living hell. She married a ghost named Eduardo and he was a Victorian soldier, is what he told her. Her name is Brocardi bro CRD. That's her singer name. I don't know how you say it, Okay, either brocard or Brocardi.

I like Bricardy. It's close to Cardi.

B Oh see, I was thinking buck Hardy. Oh yes, Brocardi. Silver. So she's gone to this exorcist, says speaking of her desperation to be set free, she said, quote, I am at the end of my tether. I don't want to admit defeat, but it feels like being married to a ghost doesn't work.

Hmmm.

See, I could have told you this. She has been suffering deep dark thoughts in recent months and may even be forced to turn to an exorcist because he's tormenting her because he is unhappy and she wants out. She's turned to a medium for marriage counseling at the start of the year, but her ghost husband did not take it seriously and instead has since taken to making her

Oh boy.

She is a singer songwriter. She has been promoting some new music.

Okay.

She's said before that she was not a believer in this stuff until they met and they got married on Halloween. They went on a honeymoon to Bury Island, and she said it seemed doomed before it began. The ceremony had an open invite to the living and the dad, which saw the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, and Henry the Eighth.

Okay, not to be rude, Okay, but I've never heard of Eduardo the Victorian, you know, soldiers, soldier. I haven't heard of him. How is he friends with Marilyn Monroe? Like, I just don't buy that. That's like me being like Liza was at my wedding, you just couldn't see her.

I don't buy that. I don't know. No, No, that's all it falls apart from me.

Now here's the thing. If you can contact people that are now deceased, I imagine they don't have a lot going on. Again, not to be rude.

I mean I think Marilyn Monroe is probably the Kim Kardashian of the afterlife. She's got parties to go to. Yeah, she's got people to serenade. She's putting on ghost movies, you know what I mean.

In La She's everywhere there's so many people. There's people that live in a house that she once lived in and say that her ghost is around. There's the Rosabelt Hotel. She's always hanging out by the pool like people love to say that. Marilyn Monroe, she does seem booked and busy, I will say. And Elvis too, he haunts Graceland. Apparently he you know, shows up on a piece of toast every once in a while, so he is busy. He's getting out there. But apparently Eduardo was making eyes at

And she's a famous person at his wedding.

And she said to him, wow, really it's our wedding day, which ruined everything. She says. The honeymoon was not any better. She got covered in sand and ended up with a cone of ice cream being pushed in her face after Eduardo tried to get feisty with her on the beach and they rolled around near the sea.

I would pay good money to watch that. I mean, just taking yourself out of it and not knowing that this woman is on a honeymoon with a ghost watching her sit seemingly alone and an ice cream cone being pushed in her face by the wind and then rolling around in the sand having a fight with something you can't see. I would be like, this is the best day of my life.

I don't understand, like any anyone else see him or is it just her? Because I don't think that this is a legal marriage.

Oh, it simply cannot be, Eduardo, I do not think can hold a pen to sign a marriage certificate. Unless again, that's the best day of my life as a person giving out the marriage certificates or a pen levitates and signs a name and says Eduardo the Victorian Ghost, I'd be like, well, I picked the right career.

It says that the whole honeymoon just kept getting worse and worse. Eduardo thought he was being passionate and romantic by wrestling with her, and she was trying to share her ice cream with him, but it just went everywhere all over her face. She was covered in sand, and she was not happy about it. And she says that her latest single, which is called Another Anthem, is inspired by this traumatic union.

I wonder what the lyrics are, Oh my god, I wonder if it's relatable, if it's like.

He's dead and shoven ice cream.

Him, and you're like, huh h, this doesn't quite seem to be anything I've ever gone through.

There's another story that I've found in a tabloid in the UK recently. This one's from the Sun UK. It's by Josh Saunders and it was written the twenty ninth of June twenty twenty three, so very recently. Woo, and it says room with a boo. We moved into our dream Victorian home, but it has turned into a four year nightmare. My husband feared for his life. So this couple, Samantha and Rich Perry, they moved into a Victorian house in Burton on Trent's staffs. I don't know, someplace in England,

But what is with these ghosts doing baby shit? This is weird.

Yeah, maybe they're like adult babies.

That's their kink. Once you cross over, you become an adult baby.

You know, once you're on the other side, try it all. You know, you got nothing but time. I'm sure when I am on the other side, I'm gonna be like, you know what, I never really did check out. The adult baby thing sounds nice, I think.

When I cross over, I'm done. I want to rest. Life was pretty hard or is hard.

But what about death?

What about death?

You're not alive anymore When you say life was hard, now it's a different thing.

Yeah, I'm relaxing.

I'm gonna haunt a beach in the Bahamas or like Barbados or the Islands. I'm going to Aruba, going to Jamaica. That's where I'm haunting the Caribbean. And by haunt, I mean I'm just gonna be on the beach and have a nice time.

Yeah no, I mean I don't blame you. But both of these ghosts, like a lot of ghosts, are Victorian era. That means they've been ghosts for I don't know math. What is that over two hundred years too long? I would get bored. That's when I would say, please cross me over, get the medium in here, let's go. I'm out of here. You all can have this house. I

These ghosts need to learn consent.

You gotta ask, seriously.

Can I touch you?

No?

No, you can't. Oh your ghost, little fingies.

No, I think that the whole thing with ghosts is a lack of consent, like just showing up in people's houses. Yeah, it's rude watching someone shower, Like you can't just do that. No, no, So he told her that he used to practice black magic and worship the devil in that house. And they're living there for two years. They finally call a Catholic priest and he's like, the quote is the lord's prayer

I do the little did you know the sound for those ghosts and ghosts or babies crying in reverse?

Terrifying?

I was like, how did you figure that out?

Who is the person that was like, let's try babies and just like lower the pitch and put it in reverse.

Flip it and reverse it.

Missy Elliott she's the one who discovered it.

So now the ghost has been removed from the house. The next day she goes to work and the ghost shows up to her job and she did what they call automatic writing, which is basically the ghost is writing for her as she's writing, and it wrote out haha and I love you. She instantly contacted the psychic and he was able to quote sort it and they haven't

I don't know some's going on in England where there's just ghosts everywhere fall in love with people. Maybe I don't go to England. Maybe that's the place I stay away from.

You've been to England?

Right? Never?

In my whole life? Seriously, No, I haven't been. I would like to go. I mean, I don't want to interact with any ghosts, but i'd like to go have some tea and crumpy.

Have you had any ghost experiences since I talked to you last.

I don't think so. I think I've been pretty ghost free.

Okay, wow, let me read you a story that was sent to me by a listener. How do you feel about sleep paralysis? Have you had it?

I don't think I've had sleep paralysis, but I've definitely had lucid sleeping or lucid dreaming, where like I'm fully aware I'm sleeping right.

That can be creepy. I feel like I have that actually, a lot.

It's not RESTful. No, no, I know it sucks. It happens a lot.

When I travel where I'm just like my eyes are closed and I'm fully aware that sleeping is occurring, but I'm not resting.

Yeah, that happens to me a lot when I'm stressed, like I'm just I can't stop. Yeah, it doesn't feel like I'm sleeping. But I have never had sleep paralysis that I know of, And it sounds terrifying, and there are scientific explanations for it. But also I think that sure, some physical stuff can be happening with your body, but I also think that it can be like a time when ghosts sneak in there, and both things can be true at the same time. So this story was sent

M M.

I try to open my mouth and yell at my fiance to wake up, but I am voiceless. Words are not coming out. I can only move my mouth When I close my eyes. I can see the eyes in the vents imprinted on my eyelids. When I open my eyes, my fiance is awake and talking to me. He tells me that I need to quote meet him at the Apex, and that there is someone outside of our window to the left of our bed. I look over to the windows. The curtain is slightly ajar and I see a bright

That does sound very alien esque. Here's the thing about aliens. I feel like long ago they came and they were like, there's nothing here, and I think they come every now and again to be like has it gotten better?

And they're like, nah, it's.

Not, and then they leave, Like Okay, if you're coming from another planet or dimension or universe or whatever, that means your technology is so superior to ours and the people or the things they are probably superior to these fucking humans. I would be like, that's a wrap, let me leave, Like I'll go visit.

But no, yeah exactly, And I'm sure wherever they're at it's probably so much better. Yeah again with the technology, like everything is just probably nicer, and they're like, we'll come by just to look, but we're not staying here. We don't know, it would never.

I mean they probably come from a place that has no pollution, and like, I don't know, I think like aliens live in a place it's like a utopia where it's just like nice and wonderful and they're just skipping around playing in the sand. Huh.

I bet you when you see a UFO. It's probably like a dad taking his son alien, like, all right, you know what, you're ungrateful? Mm hmmm, Come with me. I'm gonna show you what it's like on Earth. Look around here. Look at this shit. This is where you could be living. Do you want us to leave you here?

I think you're right on the fucking money, I really do. They're just like, look at this, it's nasty here. You want to stay?

Yeah?

Or I feel like it's like the Titanic situation, where like they didn't have the goods to go down there, And I think maybe sometimes UFOs don't have the goods to get out and they're like, oh no, fuck, and then they finally figure it out.

Have you ever seen one?

No, I wish it'd be fun.

No. I've never seen any like alien esque thing. But I do believe that there's life on other planet. Because this can't be. It this, I hope this this.

Shit all yeah, can't be.

I'm so ready for them to take me. I'm like doing whatever whatever I gotta do. I'm up on my roof, shaking it like, who wants some of this same? Take me up there. I will be so fun, I promise I'll do literally whatever you want.

Same. I'm Fife Dobson, take me away.

Remember that song? Yes, come on, Fiefe. You want to hear some ghost voices?

Yes?

And this is what like people who've ghost hunted and like capture the voices.

You better believe it. It's time for EVP or ev pase. Okay. So what I do is I go to the internet. I find EVPs Electronic Voice Phenomenal, which is basically when a ghost hunter captures what they believe to be a ghost speaker. So I'm gonna play two of them for you. Okay, I want you to tell me what you hear, and then I'm gonna give you some options with the correct answer being what they believe they've heard the ghost saying. Okay,

I could hear it?

But I couldn't really make out anything I heard, like, ah, I think they're saying, hi, Hi, welcome to Scule.

I find it very creepy and it reminds me of like the Poulter Guys, Caroline and the TV. It's really nan nanan like listen again.

I don't think I have an ear for it. I really just hear.

Well, maybe it'll help if I give you some of these options. First one is it A do you want some cheese? On?

That?

Is it? B? Do you want me to show me?

Like?

Do you want to see me? Is it C? Do you want detention? Or D do you want me so soup? Maybe they want some Japanese food?

Ooh, okay, here we go.

Oh.

I think it's do you want detention?

They believe it is do you want me to show me? Do you want me to show me?

Ooh? That is fucking creepy.

Okay, wait now that we know that, let's listen again.

Mm hmmm, I hear it. Now.

Here's my thing with ghosts. If you're haunting, you're doing the work. Can't you just speak clearly? Like can't you just be like do you want me? Do you want to see me?

Like?

Why are you being all weird and shy about it? Like, obviously you're not shy. You're haunting, right.

Like what is this a burlesque show? Like, yeah, come on, let us see it.

Show yourself.

Don't like, Oh you want something, just give it to me.

Me. Wait, why is this? Why is this skuel haunted?

You know, I'm gonna assume I think it's just an old place. I don't know, Maybe I should look it up. Let's look post Town School. Okay, posttownschool dot com. It says it was dedicated in nineteen thirty seven. Oh, before it was a school, there were multiple train wrecks and casualties within a mile of the property, so even when people were going to school there, it was like already haunted.

Ugh, I would hate to go to a haunted school. School is hard enough for me, Seriously, It's like I.

Have to learn multiplication tables and deal with someone going to you.

Want to see me, Well, but you lived in that place when you went to school that was haunted in New York. And funny enough, because of you talking about that on this show, I've had multiple people that also went there that have sent me like really, yeah, they've sent me stories.

The Stratford Arms, and so recently for me, this was a couple of years ago. I was talking to a friend about it and I was like, oh, I've just like really blocked a lot of weird shit from it.

But like to have to go to school and then like you go home and it's like, what's gonna happen tonight, Like that's too much.

I don't think I told you this story, but my old room they let us live.

With different gendered people because it was musical theater school and they weren't worried about pregnancy.

Do what you will with that.

But my roommate, Evan, he's one of my best friends still. I love him so much. We lived in a trip. It was me, Evan and Meghan, and I remember sleeping and waking up to Evan crawling into my bed and saying there's a jockey in the closet, and I was like half awake. I was like, what are you talking about. He was like, Nicole, he keeps inviting me into the closet and I don't know what's in the closet, and I was like, oh my god, I can't deal with this.

And the next morning we like cleaned up the closet.

There was no jockey there, and he swears on his life that there was a jockey in there trying to get him to come in.

But yeah, like everyone had wild stories like that.

The jockey in the closet. Okay, here is one more EVP. This is also from the same YouTube channel Epoch Paranormal. It is at the Victoria Theater in Dayton, Ohio. You ever played at the Victoria Theater in Dayton Ohio.

And Nicole, I sure haven't.

Well what is this ghost saying? What? I think? This one's harder. It's like a are.

You played again one more time? What? What are you? I don't know what are you?

You know what? It's not a bad guess? Is it a walk quiet b work choir? Like? Maybe the choir is like work choir? Is it c?

What am I Dad? Or d Meg Ryan? I wish it was Meg Ryan, but I think it's walk quieter.

Yes, they believe it is walk quiet.

Not a fan of heels, yes exactly.

Maybe they died listening to someone tap dancing and they were like, no.

Not again, not again, no clickleg that's my dog, my dog and his nails on the hardwood floor, like I always hear him like clunking up.

My dog does that too, and I go tap tap tap tap tap, and then he gets excited and taps harder.

It's a great time. I love him.

Okay, last thing, I'm just gonna list off unexplainable phenomenal. Tell me if you got maybe a story, a thought on it. I don't know anything. If you believe in it, nothing whatever? Okay, how do you feel about like synchronicities?

What do you mean by synchronicities?

Like, are you the kind of person that's like everything happens for a reason, or like that was too much of a coincidence for that kind of thing to be true. Do you ever read into that kind of a thing or do you just ignore it?

I genuinely believe everything happens for a reason, because things that have happened to me then like lead into other things. I can't think of anything specifically, but yeah, like I went to AMD trick to my datty, I said I will go to a school after that's in conjunction the New School University, and I will get a degree, and

Yeah, yeah, what about demons?

Do you believe in that?

I believe there's evil people in this world, and I feel like there's some demon like people, But I don't know if I believe that there's like little demons being.

Like I don't think I believe. I don't think I believe that. I don't think I if I.

Believed it that, I think I would have a really hard time living my life and walking this earth being like is little I canna give me?

I don't know, that's me. I'm terrified because I talked shit about demons and make fun of them, that they're going to get a hold of this podcast. Yeah, okay, what about past lives?

I think I believe in past lives.

But again, life is so hard that when it's a rap for me, I would like it to really be a rap, like, please don't call me back to set, let me go home.

Maybe this might be the final act, you know, like maybe you've already done a bunch of lives and now you're just over it.

Maybe there was a story about this little boy who was He said he was this like black singer from the twenties, and he like knew things that he shouldn't have known as a little boy. But he has since grown up, I believe, and he doesn't remember it.

Oh. There's a lot of stories like that, and I'm obsessed. I talk about this all the time. There used to be a show called Ghost Inside.

My Child Oh my god.

It was like a straight up TV show. There was multiple seasons, and it was all these kinds of stories, like these kids that know all these very specific facts for some weird reason, I believe it.

See, that's one of the reasons why I don't want a child. One is like, you have to bring it everywhere you go or find childcare, and I don't want it. But the second reason. Have you ever seen like the Insidious movies or like any fucking movie where a child gets possessed?

Yeah, I don't want that in my house. Yet it's always a child. I don't want it.

I don't want to have a kid and look at it and be like Jimmy, come here, and he's like, I'm not Jimmy.

I'm a bitet at it. It's like, what the fuck? I don't know.

My My biggest reason is because I don't want to have to be the one that has to look under your bed, no God, or investigate the sound in the house that's coming from the basement. That's why I'm not having kids.

No, because they'll be like, Mommy, there was a man who is tall and told me to kill you. And it's like I no, no, no, no, No, No, you can't return a child. You can only drop them off at a fire station up to a certain age. What if they get haunted after that age? I don't want that. And then they have them, they come looking for you because you abandon them. I don't want any of that shit.

Yeah, that's when I would say, Okay, well that man is your new parent, and that's who you're gonna live with, that you just saw in your bedroom because I'm out of here. Nice knowing you. Okay, what do you think about Bigfoot?

Okay, maybe there's a lot of this earth, and there's a lot of this country that has just not been explored. Maybe there is like a big fucking furry thing stuck up and around in the woods.

Maybe.

Well, one thing that I've found interesting in my researching of bigfoot is that pretty much every single state in America reports something like that. So I'm like, is it one creature that's just on tour all the time, or are there a lot of them? Are there many big feet?

I think there's many big feet.

I think it's theoretically impossible for Bigfoot to be like, you know, gigging around the country.

Like I don't think bigfoot'sooked and blessed like that.

I think, you know how, like we haven't seen the depths of the ocean, and there's tons and tons and tons of marine life that we just don't know about because we can't.

Get that far down.

Terrifying.

I think maybe that's the same thing about like the woods, Like I don't think everyone has really explored all of the woods.

I guess, so it seems like a very important trait of this creature to not be found, like that's just part of their everyday life.

Oh, it's because they're going extinct and they're like starry herd on, soyo, don't got killed. That's Bigfoot.

That's an accurate representation of Bigfoot's voice.

Honestly, I don't blame that bigfoots are for gun control. I guarantee you that.

Is.

Wasn't there a show in the eighties about like a Bigfoot?

There was the movie Harry and the Hendersons.

Harry and the Henderson's Wasn't he a Bigfoot?

Yes? Of some sort.

The eighties was wild.

Imagine that pitch so Bigfoot just lives with a family, and they were like greenlit, do it.

Let's do it. Do you believe in curses.

I believe people are unlucky. I don't know if I believe that they have been cursed. But I have a couple of friends where they just don't have the luck. Something will go right, and then something immediately will go fucking left.

I'm just like, I'm sorry, I yeah, that sucks. I don't know.

Yeah, okay, what about lockness monster?

Last one that's of the sea.

It is of a sea, yes, in Scotland.

I think I believe in a lockness monster. I believe in a bunch of like weird ocean shit, like I think there.

Might be mermaids.

I don't know, really, maybe I genuinely believe that there's so much shit in the ocean that we don't know about. Did you know that like octopuses are like so smart. If they banded together, they could like overthrow us. I read that somewhere. I might be paraphrasing.

I mean, I have spent hours watching videos of octopuses and they are fascinating but terrified. I mean we should be concerned.

They can like get out of enclosures like where we capture them to study them. They can just get out. Oh yeah, and they do it often. They escape. They're like, I've had enough of this, and I'm like, that's smart. Some adults can unlock doors.

It's wild. I fucking love it.

Well, Nicole, Yeah, man, I'm a real big fan of yours. I'm so happy that you took the time to do this. Is there anything you want the people to know about?

Technically, I can't promote anything that's like behind a studio because we're on strike, baby, So yeah, just go to my social media and from there you can click clack around.

Oh, I can promote this.

I have a line of bathing suits with this brand called Kitty and Vibe. It's probably in the link in my bio on Instagram. You can go to the colebyerstakn dot com. I think there's probably a link there, or just go to Kitty and ViBe's website.

That's it.

That's it. Ah, thank you so much to Nicole Buyer. She's just the definition of a delight. I love her so much. Guys. This is real fun. This is fun. This podcast has been. It's been on the charts. People are tagging me in lovely posts and telling all their friends about it and the words spreading and I so appreciate you guys for that, so thank you so much for listening. I love you all, both living and dead. But if I didn't ask you to haunt me, don't