Jon Gabrus Is Not Allowed to Use the Ouija Board

What's that at the foot of my bed. It's spooky, joky, I'm really sure it's dead. It's coming this way. Wait a minute, I said, I los nandaz Plice. Hey boo, it's me Roz and welcome to Ghostard by Roz Hernandez. Happy New Year. I sat down with John Gabriis, the hilarious comedian actor. I'm just gonna warn you right off the bat, this is this conversation gets it's is sexual

All out.

I don't recall what Grandma said, but she always seems to show up when I need her, and this time you happen to be there for that experience. Thank you, Ah, Justin. I'm honored to be there with your grandmother and you. That is such a sweet story. I'm obsessed with When this has happened multiple times over the years, A few times, just a few where people send me dreams that I end up in. I'm obsessed. You know. I don't want to open it up to people. Send me all of

John Gabriel, Hi, Roz, thank you for having me. Thanks for doing this.

On January sixth, I know my favorite holidays today for us over here.

Yeah, we're recording advance, so maybe I'm the j Johnstone of the Liberal J six and I'm getting arrested right now.

Wow, Yeah, that's interesting. Huh that guy went to prison.

Huh, I believe so. Unfortunately Jimmy Pesto and mister show sketch cast member is in jail. Unfortunately for him, only he shouldn't have been there. Yeah, you don't get arrested if you're not there rioting.

That's that's a good point. I do want to know what you think of aliens. Everyone keeps bringing up aliens to.

Me interesting, I definitely think, and not to you know, immediately attack the conceit of the show. But in my mind, aliens are more realistic than ghosts, which I don't know if there's a competition, Okay, in my.

Mind alienating my audience.

I seem to think that it's more likely that there are aliens than ghosts. But that being said that that doesn't discount I don't think that there isn't the ghosts necessarily. I just think aliens is more likely, And that might be just like annoying science brain of like, there's got to be other species that we don't understand out there, and hell, who knows, maybe ghosts are just some weird aliens.

True, I agree with all the different The one the one time where I'm like, wait a minute, is when it's like a hotel somebody goes to the front desk and they're like, oh my god, I just have to tell you in the middle of the night, and then the personal looks to the front desk is like the man with the beard, ye white suit.

That's hard. Yeah, that's hard to parse, you know what I mean? Like that is like, is there a man? Is there Colonel Sanders hanging out in your room? Exactly? Extra crispy, I didn't hear you. Let's go.

There's a documentary I just watched on Netflix. I have to look up what it was called. It's called like the Manhattan UFO something, and it's like this, lady to check it out. It's you gotta watch it. It's it's one of these things where luckily now they make it three parts.

You said it seven or eight, Yeah, where it's like, dude, and they're made for such dummies too, and it's like like previously on and then it's like eight minutes, and then at the end of the episode, they're like next on and it's another eight minutes. And then you're like this so much overlap. You're telling me the same details.

Over and over it exactly.

But a three parter is nice. I just watched the three part on The Gray's Anatomy Writer who Lied, and that one I forgot.

I stopped watching. Okay, I need to go back to that.

I had a last watching. Okay, Yeah, I think you will too.

Yes, because the woman. She said that she had cancer, and she also lied about a bunch of other stuff.

She kept lying. She kept just meeting people and stealing their stories and like just adding them to her life. She went to like PTSD camp because she said she was at the Tree of Life synagogue shooting and she wasn't. PTSD camp doesn't make sense. She went to like PTSD rehab. Okay, PTSD cam. Things aren't much better now.

So this is called the Manhattan Alien Abduction and it's three parts. It could be one and a half. But it's about this woman that believes she was abducted in Manhattan out of her window.

Oh my god, it never happens to Manhattan nights, I know, because it is always like the stereotype or the pattern is like country bumpkin like ra.

Where no one else can see it. Yeah, but this there's all these people that came out claiming that they also saw her, like floating out of her window. WHOA, which would be so creepy if all of a sudden you just see this lady just like floating out of your window in the middle of the night, like.

When Luke Perry did it to Buffy and the Buffy in the movie.

Uh, you know, I'm not a Buffy person.

Oh, I mean, I don't think, don't know, right, Yeah, it feels wrong, it feels but you're not missing much. The movie is a lot of fun. The show is really good too. But yeah, yeah, I'm not going to sit here, and I just it's distinct in my head of Luke Perry floating outside the window, you know, rip to a real one.

Yeah, gorgeous, although I.

Was a Brian Austin green guy. If we're going to get into it.

Let's not fight. Let's but let's give people so far, your watch list is old clips of January sixth.

Yes, gotta just go to my YouTube page. I cut together some sizzle reels of of guys with fucking chin beards beating cops with a flagpole. It's it's the light, gorgeous Democracy Alive on camera.

And also the Manhattan Alien Abduction, the Anatomy of a Lie, Anatomy of a Lie, and the Buffy movie. Correct Now, I agree that aliens are easier to wrap my head around, or seem more logical.

Right, a little more explainable, a little more scientifically explainable.

See, but we don't like science here.

Oh, Okay, one of these don't do that all right. Creationism, Yeah, we believe God made dinosaurs, aliens, and humans all on the same day.

Same day. Yes, and that's what we teach at my church. And I would like you to join.

I am on board. I was an atheist till I found out you had a church. Now I am on board.

How do you feel about cults, because I do feel very vulnerable to I'm just waiting.

You know, I am one. I would say, I would like to think I could sniff out that I was being like, but I'm also the guy who like dedicated his life to improv for twenty years, so like little cults. I mean it's also people got like laid because of cults, you know, like there is an afrail to cults. I don't understand why I spent so much money and so

Okay, this is good for me to know because I might start when.

Again I'll be a rosinite from the day once.

Okay, So let's go to ghosts though, please. So ghosts are and we talk about all this stuff on this podcast. We don't shy away from the moth Man, we don't. We get into all of it, and we do.

We believe in cryptozoology here. Yes, I'm a fan. I think that's I think that's a worthwhile study.

Talk to me about crypto zoology.

That's like the study of cryptids, like you know, the magical monsters, the Bigfoot, the lock Ness, moth Man and all that stuff, and that that feels again like something that's possibly explainable via science or it's completely possible that there is like a Bigfoot esque individual that lives or a group of them that lives somewhere in the United States and we just don't catch them all the time.

See. But that's always the thing. It's like, okay, but where is it?

Right? Is it in an alien And I know I've been I've got went down a rabbit hole of people who were talking about Bigfoot and dog men sightings, dogmen is a man, and so I've been I listened to a lot of first hand accounts of these people, and they start to talk a little bit about like portals and like dimension doors and like these are interdimensional creatures

But see that's the only way, as crazy as the South, that is the only way for me to believe it is if it is like an alien or something that could discipline.

More likely than in like an undiscovered species of like oh, yeah you've heard of the grizzly bear, but did you know about Bigfoot?

Or so I always think about like these people that dedicate their life to trying to fight Bigfoot. So what if one day they just like found him?

Yeah, that's what you do the fact that no one has makes it seem like we're doing something wrong, you know what I mean.

Like, but if you did find him, You're like, oh hey, and then Bigfoot's like hey, like who are you? And then just like oh, my name's like Stephen or whatever. And then and then you're like the Bigfoot's like how much do you know about me? And then and then Stephen has to be like not like they want to.

Act cool, like well, I mean like we've I've heard of you. I'm not like I'm not I'm not hosting a TV show called Finding big Foot.

And then they become friends and then Bigfoot realizes, oh my god, this person is obsessed with me. This person has footprints of me, and that are you know, carved out of.

This person just wants to measure my big foot hug so bad. Yes, Like that's the crazy thing is that, like we have not seen the petrified Bigfoot cockyin You would think there should be more evidence of the you know, but I live like by that Nature will continue to

Shit, like what's going on down there?

God only knows. I'm so sessed with the detail that someone said the ocean is as undiscovered as outer space.

Yes, and that is what is the percent? How much of the ocean do we know? It's so shocked, it's.

So and then there's like full on like you know, the Mariana Trench or whatever it's called, and there's just like super deep parts of the ocean that we have no idea what's going on down there?

And show Marianna Trench with her Mariana Trench coming to the stage. She is undiscovered. Honey, wait ocean ocean percentage that we have discovered.

Please read out your search bar for it. I have to.

Because i've I've I've recently heard this.

Yeah, it's like one percent or something.

It says a mere five percent of the global ocean has been explored and less than ten percent mapped using modern own art technology. And that's from science dot HowStuffWorks dot com.

That is ninety percent of the ocean is undiscovered. That is terrifying, absolutely terrifying.

But since I really care about my listeners. I am going on a gay cruise next week, and I will I'll go down there and I'll figure it out.

Roz, what are you doing? You just like casually put on like cute snorkel mask and dive off.

You guys, they only know five percent?

Wait, I think this is like the six percent here, I know, let's dive off.

All of a sudden, I come back up and I'm like, we now know seven percent, holding up some weird crab that no one never saw before. Cash, Well, I still need to talk to you about ghosts.

Yeah, please, have you seen one? I don't think so. I have not ever seen a ghost. I've experienced like a recurring dream from when I was a kid that is still kind of stuck with me of an older black woman with a head wrap who kind of looked at me through windows all the time when I was sleeping, and I would have like that, like I'm stuck on the bed, I can't and she's looking at me, and she would like just and it stopped when I moved

Forte don't get in my No.

I objectively cannot say exactly please to me. And four LGB we need one straight guy.

Yeah, that that is interesting. So only when you were living in this house, you would have a dream that this woman was outside of your bedroom window.

Yeah, And or randomly there'd be like a porthole in the door and it wasn't like not a real thing that existed, like a hole in like a window in my door, and she would be like looking through it.

Are you trying to pitch a sitcom?

You and this lady? Me and Mama ghost? I mean, like I'm always trying to pitch a sitcom? You hear that? Get at me? Uh, I can't even think SIcom creators. Now, Bill Lawrence.

There you go, Okay, well we will we will accept it as a ghost story.

Oh much appreciation.

This is my new gabble that was just said to me by a listener, and I have it so that I can determine that is a ghost.

Yeah, I mean I believe, I believe it might be. You know, I have friends that I've encountered dead relatives. They believe in all that stuff, and I have I have not experienced that. Ever. I might be like too spectro me or too like logical for like for me to just explain everything away to even myself, But I try to like keep my mind open to the potential for something like that.

Have you had sleep prolysis since No.

Not really, I don't really have. I have some bad dreams every once in a while, but like sleep is something that I'm like fucking awesome at these days. Yeah, yeah, I'm so good at it.

I just fell asleep in an airport and I was so proud of myself.

Oh that's a dream that's powerful.

Like in the airport.

I'm also good at staying awake too, which is like I got it. I'm very proud of myself with that.

Yeah.

Now I'm not just at the age where I'm just always tired enough to be like, Okay, I can go to bed right now. It's like today was hard. I had to drive to Burnbank talk to Roz and then I drove home. Now I need to go to bed hard day.

Are you superstitious?

No, not not really. I will play the games of like oh one headlight, tap the thing or whatever. You know, I'll do stuff like that. I won't walk under ladders, I won't. You know.

That's superstitious.

Yeah. And that's one of those things too where it's like I don't believe per se, but I might as well play the game. Like I don't believe in church, but if I go with my mom, I'll go get the body of Christ, you know what I mean, Like make yeah, I'm starving. It should be beef jerky. Like, if it's based on the fact that it's the body of Christ, it should be beef jerky. It should be higher protein.

You know, we've had a lot of conversations about the body of Christ on this podcast. I want to know what part of Jesus it is.

That's a great question. I believe they'll tell you that via consecration. It is just bread being infused with the spirit of Christ, much like you know. But I don't believe in that tabernac glass bullshit shots fired. I was raised Catholic, so I'm informed.

And oh, okay, Pope francis you hear that?

Come at me, Pope, please have me on your podcast. JF.

You said the magical word, the magic word, which is Catholicism.

Yes, that pretty much the most ghosty of the religions, right.

Very much. Geehaw, you need to uh, you need to listen to me.

How dare you ros?

We need something that I press or.

Or maybe a sound effect where it's just like yeah every time we say or like.

Can we clear that? Can we clear some kind of like oh.

Yeah, I think it could be done.

I need a monk or something something like that, get this bitch a monk, Get me a monk, and I'm not talking about Mama's done. Thank you. So Catholicism teaches us about ghosts, I believe. I believe it can make people believe in ghosts if they're taught at from a young age.

Yeah, I think so. I mean there's enough going on with like saints and the afterlife and praying to an invisible being that kind of can prime your pump for although I don't believe they say like it would go against Catholic doctrine. I think to be like, yeah, no, they're not in heaven, they're actually in a restless spirit living here, you know. I think that would go against it.

To ghosts, right right, right, where do.

You stand on? And I know you've worked with some of the past, but I'm just curious, like I've never worked with a medium or someone who communicates with the dead or you know, like, have you ever encountered anyone like that?

And do you believe My overall belief on everything is I think anything is possible. I think when money is involved, like with haunted eBay dolls or psychics or yes, give me money and I'll get the ghost out of your house.

Give me money and I'll tell you that your dead husband still loves you and all that shit.

Yeah, and he does.

Yeah, it gets it seems to be a little predatory. It can it can get predator, much like anything anybody religion believe. And you know, religion starts out as this beautiful thing to take care of each other in the community, and then all of a sudden, money gets involved in you have a pastor who has like a PJ and he's like got full sleeve tattoos, and it's talking.

About anytime it's a documentary or anything about these these pastors that are like this water is a very special magic water and it takes away diseases.

So anyone who yeah, anyone who's selling like snake oil, like for real, Like literally the Bible has stories about how what they're doing is evil like and then they're like, yeah, hey, we're pitching Christianity here, but I'm literally doing stuff that the bad guys in the Bible were doing.

Don't get me started.

I'm like Jesus where we can flip the tables and the money changers. Keep that in mind.

Oh oh, But to answer your question about psychics, I definitely believe that it's possible. My listeners are probably sick of hearing me say this, but I'm very proud of this analogy. I compare psychic abilities to sense of humor. I think that everyone's got a vers even just a little bit, but some people can make a living at it. Some people it's just like, oh, they said a funny thing. Sometimes yeah, whatever.

But someone can have like they have light psychic ability, but they're a manager at Walmart. They don't have to, like they are super hysterically funny and they are an English teacher, you know, right, right.

But I also think when you start doing, like when you're like, Okay, I'm going to be a comedian or I'm going to be a psychic, like, you definitely can bomb. You definitely can have better days than other days. Sometimes you're just tapped in right. Sometimes you're working with someone that you have better chemistry with. So I just think that,

Just like that's fucking wild. Yeah see I've seen that.

But then I'm like, do that to me, and then they're like.

Right, and then you can't get that first hand. Ex, yeah you said something in there. You just like, I think anything is possible, and I think I think that would be where I'm coming from too. I believe that people have psychic powers because again that goes back to my original thesis of like, we're not positive what the brain is capable of, you know, right, and that would be that exactly?

Or is it beyond the brain?

Welcome back to beyond the brain?

Can I show you a haunted doll? Of it's time for the dolls are living? You just gone to the desk and full you know, I could. I recently got one in my possession, but that doll is not here. It is locked away in a box.

But you have you own an or possess a.

Hounted possess a doll that is possessed.

So that's see. I don't know if I fully believe it, but I definitely would not spit into the wind with being like, well, fill my house with haunted dolls and I'll believe It's a vibe.

It's always been my theory or whatever is like, I don't necessarily believe in it, but I'm not taking my chances.

Same same, I feel that you know.

What, jeeha, I just realized I think I have a better one. Can I just real quick said, is that really gonna mess you up? No mess me up?

Just email it to me. It's just gonna take a minute. You'll just have to stand back.

It won't mess up, but it will take a minute.

So we're cutting. All is pissed and I want to give you my notes. You have to keep this in my god, so, oh my god, anyone listening. Jiha just did that thing where she takes like a finger and goes across the throat. Listen to her.

Boys.

It's insane how she can sound nice, but she's really I.

Can't even read what she but she has a piece of paper that says, shut the fuck up and move on. She's holding it up, but she's okay.

You know what, before we do this to Jiha, I want to ask you what you would prefer. Would you prefer a gay man trapped in a doll or a gorilla toy that is a sex demon?

Ay? Wait? What am I choosing for it? One of them? I get to lead, No, no, just for us to talk about. They both sound amazing. But I think you had me a gorilla sex demon. Okay, well, which I think is the name of my first.

That Giha's gonna be pissed off because now I have to send this to Giha.

I'll just look it up on eBay.

I had the gay man trapped in the thing. But I had a feeling, because I'm a little psychic, that you wanted the gorilla.

I can't believe what I just typed into this search bar.

Yeah, I'm here now on a watch list for sure haunted doll active demon.

Whoa, it says haunted doll active demon sexual suck ubus shape shifter item, gorilla booty cheeks.

And it looks just like a toy with someone put red ink around the gorilla's eyes.

Yeah, there's definitely red just smeared over a regular old gorilla.

That is very unscary. I will say, well, just wait till you read it.

So these all come with bios. This one is currently going for forty three dollars and ninety nine cents.

Not bad.

This is one of the ones. You know. I'm on to some of these sellers because there's a lot of people that sell like this is their job. They sell.

They just buy dolls at thrift stores. Let me write, let me write a backstory. I've been working on this gorilla sex demon idea. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, well we got a gorilla toy. Let's slap some red paint on its eyes and watches two comedians in Los Angeles talk about it.

So that's why I am on to some of these people where I'm like, you just want to be featured on this show because these bios are too good.

Well, it's also like, okay, so you have seven different dolls for sale on your like you live in a house with seven haunted dolls waiting to try to sell them.

But you know some people, Okay, I'll give you an example. My friends Greg and Dana Newkirk shout out. They run a haunted museum and it just haunted items and a lot of what they have, people send it to them because they know they're the people.

Right, that makes sense.

So it's like, I'll give these people the benefit of the doubt.

Now, are you trying to pitch me a sitcom? Because I think Haunted Museum couple is a sile.

Yeah, it is, so like I could see maybe it's like, oh, yeah, you know Janie, she loves selling those haunted dolls. Here's a great one for her. This one is haunted by a sex demon and a gorilla.

That's kind of like, you know, in like when you meet someone and learn some like for example, when I've been with my wife now for like twenty ish years.

And are you serious?

Yeah, I think it's twenty two at this point. Uh. And my mom she used to be into owls in like the mid Auts, and my mom would buy her like an owl. But now twenty years later, my mom's still like, Tiffany, you like owl stuff, right, And it's like she's like seeking out owl shit, and we're like, we don't even have like places for all these fucking owls,

Because that's the thing. You get the doll, but then you also get what's on the inside.

Yeah, and it could be a gay man or a sex demon.

So let me read you about this one please. This one's name is Salaysia. It says me, Salaysia. She is something special. She's exciting, big, strong and dirty.

Why am I hard right now?

A beautiful vessel from the underworld ready to serve you and possess you. And if we can get some like uh like kind of like bou Chicka wow, wow music under this that would be great. Thank you. Salaysia is so sexy, clever, and so damn naughty. She loves to laugh and cheer. Oh my god, I cannot keep reading this. This is this is worse than I thought it was. She loves to laugh and cheer. I'm omitting part of this when you play with her fat gorilla booty cheeks.

Trying to convey to an ape what doggy style is is like, you're already doing ape style. Do you need to make it doggy as well? That complicated?

It's too many specieses. This is on the next season a Chimp Crazy.

Well, that's what I was just about to say, speaking of like documentaries that are one hour or too long. Although I was upset at that list, put it all there. I love it.

Yeah, I gotta get wet. Can you reach out to the lady from Chimp Crazy?

Tanya Headdacks. I feel like you do would get along so well. I don't hope will take offense, but I think no, I agree, you would get a lot.

Weir absolutely now it don't actually do that, geha, I actually don't want the competition, so anyway, but here's.

What you play with the dolls booty cheeks, and then Salasia gets all fucking worked up.

I think usually how this goes.

Usually usually with gorilla sex demons.

And I am an expert on this. There is a spirit inside now. It says here she will change into a gorgeous female with long black hair, big beautiful breasts and eyes and red lips. Be careful and do not let her consume you, for you are its master. When she changes into this animalistic female, she needs to be shown some sort of control. This is insane.

I buy a gorilla doll, I rub its butt cheeks, it turns into a giant, statuesque brunette, and then I'm not supposed to let it consume me. Rip Gaberis. I am toast like Seleasia, I'm yours baby. Look at those booty cheeks. I wouldn't even think of a gorilla as having cheeks. Really, Oh that is That was one of the big takeaways. That was one of the big takeaways from Chimp Crazy is that some of these chimps asses are horrifying to look at.

Yeah, definitely, I do recall that.

A friend of mine said after watching Chimp Crazy, He's like, that's when I knew Trump could win the presidency because it's like I live in a bubble. America is different than I thought.

It's very different, and it's kind.

Of eye opening. When you watch it, you're like, Okay, yeah, no, this this is a different country than I thought.

We lived in absolutely And that's the thing about this haunted doll world. You know, I tried to expose the world to this underworld, but there's a lot of these. I mean, there's monkey trade in this country I didn't know about.

And now we're finding the Venn diagram smashed together in Salasia, the possessed sex demon inside of a gorilla toy. This looks like a fucking McDonald's happy Meal toy. Then you're like, you take it home and you're like, hey, I picked this up for you, son. Hey how come you keep taking that gorilla doll into the shower with you? My gorilla doll?

It's you know, I don't feel comfortable reading all of this, but I think that people.

Get to touch nasty. This might be a perfect thing to throw in the show notes and then people can like, you know, yeah, yeah, I follow up on my own.

I'm not sure by the time, you know, I assume somebody's gonna snatch this right up, so it might not still be up.

I'm on my phone buying it right now. I will get this before January sixth, where anyone else hears about this shit. I need Sleasia in my life. Life. Yeah, please turn into please don't just be a gorilla. Just my luck. A gorilla rips my cock off, I'm gonna throw your turning into a lady. I am a female gorilla. Bitch.

Oh no, I will say. The word sperm is used.

Shit, one of the hottest words.

This insane. As I'm looking at this.

This is already an insane conceit on step one, and then they still managed to surprise you.

I need to put a hat on a hat, but they did.

I did not need to put a sperm in a Salasia.

There's sperm, there's I'm sorry, I'm just quoting piss drinking there's.

Okay, you're losing me a little here, Soleasia. This might be a I'm not that in look a sex demon killing me during a consensual Yeah, that one, but I'm not about that. Wait, am I drinking?

Her?

Pis or is she's drinking mine. You know what? Keep reading? I need to know now.

It would be yours.

Oh okay, Yes, that's got a little she likes. I'm old school, I'm a little I'm a little bit of a traditionalist. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck a gorilla doll come to life as a sex team. And I don't think I need to be drinking piss or having her drink my piss exactly, Yes, a definition of a hat on hat. I'm like, isn't this enough? Lady? Isn't this enough? Celicia? Now you also need my piss? I mean.

That's why that she got the name Salatia.

She's insolatiable.

You're killing me. So it says you pet her and spank her fat ass, And it's a with two dollars size.

If you say fat ass in reference to a gorilla, you're already weird. If you say in reference to a toy, that is crazy.

But this is it's not crazy because it's not They're not talking about slapping the ass of a toy, because that would be insane. But that's talking about slapping the ass of a demon that comes out of the toy.

Oh okay, So Salata is stacked with cheeks, got it. Her cheek game is strong, exactly.

This isn't weird.

Okay, you're right, I apologize. I'm not here to yuck anyone's young.

She also has a sexy cheer outfit.

This is just some old pervert who's like, uh yes, sperm drinking, piss yeah, cheerleader outfit. It's like it's starting to be like nineties porn category. It's like, and Selasia is also a sexy nurse and you and she's your step mom exactly, she's your stepsister, and she has to sleep in your bed tonight, and she forgot her underwear, and she's thirsty, and all she has is a glass of your piss.

It says, light a white candle, burn incense, and give a small present to welcome her into your home. And then it says at the very end, this vessel is uncleansed.

I'd say, yeah, waivers, you're not fucking a sex teaming upstairs, are you? Jesus Christ? In reeks of incense and pissed down here?

I must just a bit take.

This is such a weird place to be in because it's like, I'm just horny enough and just heterosexuality is a cage, and I'm just I'm just enough to be like, what does salisia look like?

Wow? For forty ninety nine cents.

And the cost of a white candle and incense.

You gotta include that. Sorry, doesn't come.

With handling candle incense.

She doesn't come with that stuff.

And you know you don't get the full salatia kit in the mail.

No, no, you gotta get it all separate. But it always says with these eBay requires that I add the policy on purchasing paranormal and metaphysical objects. It forbids the sale of intangible objects like spirits, entities, luck, magic. Therefore, I am only selling this as a doll.

Imagine like the when the old people who invented eBay back in like the late night you know, mid odds were like, yeah, so people could sell stuff that they had and maybe it's collectibles. And it's like, hey, boss, what do we want to do about like spirits and entities and stuff where we gonna allow people to sell intangible objects? And it's like, I don't know, that seems like a litigious kind of category. Let's just say no spirits,

What they were probably like, No, we're not gonna put that because that's in set.

We're not putting that. And then all of a sudden they had to because someone's like, I'd like to return my guerrilla doll and never turned into a sucubus who drained me of piss, and.

Come, yeah, I would be pretty pissed off if that's what happened.

Wait all I can think about right now, Roz, And please don't take this the wrong ways. You need to sell haunted dolls off yourself to your listeners.

I think about this all the time.

I'm not saying I'm not saying that because of all the sperm and and all that, all the sex stuff. I'm not saying that for that reason. I'm saying your your listeners should be purchasing a haunted ros doll for their house and you just put some like a little pre recorded voice stuff in there and shit and like you know, just startle like have it play at random times motion detected.

Don't I should just go to build a bear workshop and just record the little messages, yes, and then just sell them that way, is that still a thing?

Build a Best it's gotta be if American Girls still exists. I bet build a Bear still exists.

Can I play some ghost voices?

Please?

It's time for ev or evase. EVP stands for Electronic voice phenomenal.

This is like voices that are recorded but not heard by the natural year right.

Exactly, That's what it is.

Hell.

Yeah, so this was posted by Paranormal Proof official.

Okay, I mean, so it's real. Next one.

That is what they've named their YouTube channel. I don't know what the location is, but they captured this voice, and I want you to tell me what you hear the ghost.

Saying I need I think I need another time.

Don't you worry?

I got it is tip included.

That is not a Paranormal Proof official.

Thought, Oh, what do they think he's saying? Here's an A, B, C D.

Did they think it was A, Hey i'm walking here. B they don't want that, C it won't work? Or D Hey wait what all right?

I'm gonna have to go with B.

They don't want that. I mean it does sound a lot like that. They believe it was C it won't work.

I mean, they might have more like knowing the context might make more sense too, because if they're like watching Drugstore Cowboy, then we know him saying I'm walking here is probably the ghost, Like, this is my favorite part coming up.

They were looking I think that they pulled out a crystal and then the ghost said that won't work.

Put it away, bitch, it ain't gonna work.

You need something stronger for me.

Pulled out crystal, starts looking crystal. That won't work on me.

And yeah, so that was that. Okay, here's the next one. We've got two of them. This was posted by Ghostly Whispers Ghostly Whispers Paranormal, and it's at a place called Old Lions Park. Now, I was googling because I'm like,

Oh might it's a haunted mite. It's a bit haunted now, ain't it.

But people still hear screams, laughing children, you know, all this kind of spooky stuff. It's like the haunted woods of this area.

I will say, ever since the TV show Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Nickelodeon Haunted, its benefically approve about the midsnight Society. I call this story the Lion Park.

In the credits, they have the swing that is just swinging, and that is that is a haunting image. It's just a swing swing night. And now you're telling me the swing killed the kid.

Oh well, But here's the fun thing about this website, this blog. It must be a popular blog because there's a lot of comments that people had shared their stories and stuff.

Oh cool, and once stood out to.

Me so a user named Peter wrote, the old Lions Park used to be a gay beat. When one time at night I was with a guy. We saw someone watching us in the scrub less than three feet away. It was a bright moonlight night. The person stood there strangely, slightly slender wearing a cameo top in jeans. We indicated for him to join us. He made no sound either from the dry leaves and sticks, which snap if you

A ghost spoiled the moon quicker than like a creep watching them gay guys rule, like a dude watching them, like hey, come on, come.

On over, gay guys rule. And then I started reading more and more comments, and it was like, yeah, this place, like too many people were having sex of this park.

So that's really funny the idea of a haunted park. But it's also a cruising site, and so then you're like a like a closed minded ghost from like the early twentieth century. It was like get these puffas addy, and then like there they have to watch guys just fu fuck all day long and night. Yeah, like boo, and they're like do you want to join? He's like, I'm trying to steal you. Get over Are you handsome as ghosts through a top of the bottom?

Oh my god, you're killing me to that.

That is such a funny idea. I'll haunt this park for my life and just every night has to watch dudes. Okay, all right, well maybe tonight I'll be able to scare someone.

Get over here you so anyway? Oh sorry, I forgot what we were doing here. We're doing EVPs, so or EV please thank you? So this was a ev P that I think was taken at that park called old Ian's Park. Anyway, what oh fark.

I'm going to I'm about to bush? Are you on prep? Sorry? Let's EV please.

It's really good.

It's someone inhaling a pauper. It is a scary noise. That is like if I heard that noise, I'd be scared.

Did they think it was a it's hot out here? B? How do you know? C?

Hurry up.

Or d I can't even.

Oh, I don't hear many words in there, but I'm gonna hurry up. Seems like something.

They believe it was b How do you know?

Okay?

Maybe so maybe it was like the gay guys saw the ghosts and they're like, oh, that's just a ghost, and he's like, how do you.

Know that ghost isn't gay? How do you wink? I've been around for millennia. You think I haven't eaten an ass or two?

Okay, last thing hit me. I'm just gonna list like paranormal things, and I'm curious if you have any thought.

That's a great ring. By the way, I want to thank you.

Isn't it great? You know I got it? Wacko on Sunset.

Oh, I was like in Texas, that's pronounced yeah.

Wacko on Sunset is my favorite store in Los Angeles.

I'll check it out. It looks that's cool as shit.

It's just like Evil Eye. Anyone listening, but it's like a plastic anyway. Okay, just tell me what you think about these things?

Okay?

Ouiji boards.

I I can't believe a board game that is sold at Toys r US is scary, but it is. We have one. We have a vintage one in our We're not allowed to use. It's only for it's only for decoration.

Where'd you get it?

My wife tracked it down, like bought a vintage one. It was like from nineteen seventy something and eBay, yeah, I guess at night it comes the life that sucks me off. But otherwise no, it's it's terrifying. We don't we're not allowed to play with him, but it's just out for in the in the October spooky season. D r I n K P I S.

What do you think of the month man?

I am hoped to meet him someday, asking what it was like to work with Richard.

Gear Yeah, ask him the story is it's true, it was a haunted Gerbil doll. What do you think of past lives?

Ooh, that's that's a that's an interesting one. I it requires a belief in, like a whole new understanding of how the afterlife and all that works. But it's hard, it's hard to completely rule that out. But that one's kind of exciting that spiritually we will continue on. But if I don't remember any of my past lives when I do my next life, will I remember?

What's the point?

Yeah? Right?

So do you think that you've lived past lives?

I think so it's possible you know, people say stuff like when they have like a specific affinity it or something like, you know, my wife really likes like a certain era of design and stuff. And she believes that's partially because here, Like she'll like do the math and she's like, imagine if I was born here and then I would have died at this age and then that I was alive for this, And I'm like, oh yeah, I mean maybe.

It makes sense what era is she into.

She's into like the roaring roaring twenties and then like also to jump back to like the Victorian like she's really and for me, I'm like, yeah, maybe because I have such an affinity for the ocean that I don't like, but because my wife is like, maybe you were someone and I'm like, but man, yeah, but I like I grew up on Long Island, like a few miles from the beach. It's like it's probably nurture more than it is nature at that point of like Long Island.

Wait a second, there's so much iconic paranormal stuff.

Oh yeah, we have we have Mount Misery, which is.

Our Wait, I don't know that one. I was going to say, Amnyville horror.

We got Amnyvill horror. We got the Montalk Monster. We have Theresakaputosa on the Long Island medium. They call me the Long Island double XL.

What what is the Mount Mount Misery.

It's like a road that goes up into the woods in Long Island, on Long Island, and everyone believes that there's crazy stuff. Yeah, she's up there bashing Jamie Jimmy Conn's ankles with a sledgehammer. Me. No, It's this like road that goes to almost nowhere and everyone has had some like they say that there's a church there, and people there is a church there, and then people believe that they've seen the cross upside down and they've seen people in robes. This is like stuff you hear as legend.

Yeah, I can't believe you save that till the end. I can't believe I've finished.

I can't believe it didn't come up earlier. I guess I didn't. I consider that more in the realm of urban legends and stuff like that, I get.

I like urban legends.

Shit, girl, I'm sorry. Yeah, it was a fucking ride. As a matter of fact, I think next time I go home to visit, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna head up.

There and come back to report.

I will. I'll report back.

Have you been to the Amneyville house.

We've driven past it, We've never like tried to get in there. There's also like an empty uh insane asylum on Long Island too, that's supposed to be haunted that like squatters were living in for years after and stuff like that. Yeah, Long Island has a lot of that. It's proximity to New York City, and it's like aged, like it's been around for a long time. And probably the atrocities that were visited upon the native and indigenous

Tying it all together, well, gabras Ras, I'm so sad we can't use any of this. Tell people where they can find you.

I'm at gabras on all social media. I have a podcast called I.

Just started Thinking about the the Haunted you.

In your home, asking me to drink piss. My podcast High and Mighty is just a chat show with other comedians and interesting people. If you're a Roz fan, maybe start with her episode We had a good Time and then I also have a podcast called Action Boys, which is three middle aged men discussing classic action movies of the seventies, eighties, and nineties. It's behind a paywall, but we have hundreds of episodes so it might be of value.

Well, thank you for joining me, Thank.

You for having me. What a treat. I got to get home and get on eBay asas.

Thank you so much to John Gabris. I was sweating profusely from the laughter during that. Holy shit, anyway, that was really fun and dirty, naughty. Hey, thank you so much for supporting this show. Of course, you know all the things where to find me, the things I got going on, all that, and I hope you have a full and prosperous new year. We are celebrating six years of this podcast Ghosted, and I appreciate you so much for listening. I love you all, both living and dead.