Therapy with Angela Jones Episode

Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing for no buttment biscuits. It's Willie d y'all scar faces in the building. Collectively we are the ghetto boys, reloaded with another episode of information and instructions to help you get through this wild, crazy, beautiful world. I guess today Dr Angela Jones, lower everyone, man, Yeah, we do need some claps. I clap for myself, you know what. That's that's nice, you know, But but you are a therapist.

I'm always absolutely if more people clap for themselves, perhaps they wouldn't need your services as much. Well. I try to help them clap for themselves. So I don't want them to keep having my syces, want them to leave my services, so they can't. It's money and the services, so don't it's like money. I don't want nobody to get Will you stay sick? You know? My job is

to heal. I want them to heal. And if if you're out there healed and you feel better, you feel like you can clap for yourself, You're gonna send people my way. So I'm not really worried about that. Okay, all right, So how does one become is it clinical therapist? I'm a psychotherapist? Psychotherapist? How does one become a psycho? Psycho? Like like psycho, it's just mental, that's all. It really means therapy for your mind, right, So, so, I mean

it takes a lot of school. But for me, it was about the fact that I grew up with all women. But I struggled with a lot, My family struggle with a lot. And I remember actually took a class in high school psychology, basic one on one class, and I was reading things about depression and anxiety and trauma, and I felt like I was reading the story of my family and I was like Okay, so this is what's happening, and we just don't know, we don't really know about ourselves.

And that's what really like pivoted me into mental health psychology, and that's why I'm here today. And what was this book you were reading? Um? Actually I don't remember. It was a textbook like it was like it was a basic psychology one on one. But the thing is, I didn't even know what anxiety was until I went to this class in high school. So I spent my whole life not even understanding what anxiety depression, and neither did my family. My family is not American, so on first generation,

so these are not terms we don't really talk about, y'all. Um, Haitian and Cuban so very exotic places. Absolutely on your website, you you say that you are well versed and problematic sexual behavior. Before we wait, Willie, don't don't go into the sexual behavior just right yet, because like I'm one of those patients, like one of those uh what they call these patients. Willie, give me a good word that one,

all right? And when I was working my way through the program as an adolescent, I always thought that being a therapist was BS because There's no way that this guy can sit in front of me. My doctor was Andrew Harper. By the way, if you might have probably hurt him, not he was just coming out of college when I when when, when I was in Houston International Hospital for some um uh many depressive issues, okay, And I thought about it, and I thought about it again.

I was like, man, hw in the hell? Can he sit here and tell me how I'm supposed to feel? He tells people how they're supposed to feel. Are you just like responding to how they feel? I'm responding to you, so I'm not gonna tell you how you feel. I'm more reflecting to feel. Well. You know. The thing is, everybody's supposed to you know, you have your own supposed to So the way you feel like you're supposed to

feel is the way you're supposed to feel. But if it's unhealthy for you, the people around you, and it's destroying you in any kind of way, then it's my job to reflect back to you what I'm seeing. And sometimes we can't see ourselves, and sometimes you do need someone that's not emotionally connected to you, that a loved one or a friend to help you see yourself. I always told like my clients, I'm your mirror and I'm going to be I'm very transparent and I'm very honest.

So what I see is what I'm gonna I'm gonna help you see yourself. And a lot of people like, well, I could do that myself. But if if that was the case, who wouldn't be dealing with a lot of things. But I learned how to deal with with um the depression that I grew up with, and you know, it changed a lot of that having some cash, well, you know, having money and yeah, and mental health in the black community, Uh, stems from a lot of things. But but but the

main thing would be poverty. You know, we don't got no money, so we were sad as hell. But but give somebody, you know, a few thousand dollars that ain't used to having and he's exciting now, you know, give him a few million dollars and he ain't used to having it, Then he's going with life. He can come out of the closet, that dark closet that makes everything seem like it's the worst thing that's ever happened. So from a kid, uh that's that's been through this, I

understand from a patient standpoint. Now I'm glad to see it from a doctor's standpoint. This is the first time I've ever had the opportunity to sit in front of a doctor and say, you know what. When I was growing up, I thought that the therapist that set in front of me was full of ship. But you, on the other hand, you're a fantastic friend person, and I was just I'm just glad to be able to sit here and thank you very much. You know, I never

really thought I thought about it like that. I mean, I understand, you know, coming from poverty myself, that, yeah, that there's a lot of there's a lot of pain associated with being impoverished, and there's a lot of a lot of a lot of unhealthy behavior that comes with

people who are impoverished. Sure, right, but but how much of that do you see when you know, when you're talking to your patients, it's very rarely that I'm able to talk with someone about a current problem and it doesn't link back to the past, it doesn't link back to some kind of trauma. And the fact is I grew up very impoverished as well, and things that I

considered normal I didn't realize they were traumatic. I didn't realize how things that I witnessed growing up um a lot of my family that were in different gangs, fights, That's the way we had to live, the way we had to survive. It was just a way of life for me. But I didn't realize how, even transitioning to a place of money, how I was I was really I was traumatized by those things. I really had to re teach myself as a therapist. I believe therapists should

go to therapy. I went to therapy too. I had to relearn a lot of things and understand like that wasn't supposed to happen to you. You know, I wasn't supposed to be walking down the street and seeing fights and guns on the table. I was supposed to see those type of things, but I did, and it was normal for me until until it wasn't. And so, yeah, money did help me get to get the services I need.

But unfortunately a lot of people don't have money, and when they try to go through the system, sometimes the system is just so hard. It makes it so hard for people to get the proper mental health treatment. And I'm saying proper on purpose because there. I was a person who worked in the system where I was a clinician who went to different houses, but I had a case load of like sixty people, Like how am I

gonna give you proper therapy? But I can't even focus on you because I got like six other people I need to see within the next two hours. So even though I want to help you, this is what the government is paying me to do, and it's not it's not substantial. So it's it is a broken system, and we don't have enough money. There's not enough money to pay the people in the system that work. There's not

enough people. There's not enough money. They don't sponsor things for mental health as much as they would do for oil or gas. I mean, it's the same kind of question, and we asked when we say why does it Why isn't the educational system funded the way it's supposed to be funded. You know, it's not a priority until it's a problem, until you see somebody on the news shooting up a theater and now he has a mental health problem,

and now it's a crisis in the United States. But the clinicians that are out there going to people's houses, seeing sixty people in a month, are getting paid like thirty dollars a year, thirty thirty five maybe, and that's with a degree. Could it be that the government doesn't pay attention to that doesn't invest in mental health because they really don't want us to be healthy. That's that way they can control us better. I mean, it's a possibility, absolutely.

I just believe that everything is about money. And if it's not money involved, and who gives it? You know what I mean? Like the government is tapped into the money part. They don't care about your mental health, they don't care about your well being, they don't care about your education, don't care about none of that. As long as you can make the govern a meant money, then that's the only thing that that that brings a vibe

with them. They want the money part. Everything that's going on with the government has something to do with money. Look at the infrastructure idea that Biden has. It's all about the money. Bro period. Absolutely been in health has been at the center and it should have been. It's been at the center of general wellness for the past few years. Why is it do you believe that black people have been so slow to join the conversation or at least take advantage of the services we have. It

hasn't been available to us. I mean, it wasn't available to us. It was it was something that white people did, you know, go to therapy. You never heard black people talk about there. You heard to go to church. You know. We we we come from people who had to basically suck it up and move move on. And that's who that's how we had to live, like suck in your and they have and they have up and they and they will incarceerate you if you get out of line,

you know what I mean. When you were when you were young, it was an ask for any When you're older, it's incarceration. So I get it. You know, you have to suck in your emotions. Everything emotional was a sign of weakness. So you're weak. If you show emotion, you're weak. If you cry, you're weak. If you said something's wrong with you or you need a break. We were taught to push on. I mean, that's the only thing we ever were able to do. We weren't able to get

out of slavery with just feeling. We had to push and so we're we are generations behind when it comes to mental health. And and seeing who we are and addressing those things that I'm happy now, like especially like Generation X and millennials, I feel like they're really really

trying to get into the space of mental health. They're really trying to understand who they are, and it's it's really making it hard for like the baby Boomers and the older generations to really understand like why they just feel too much. But they have to feel so they don't hurt the generations after them. So I just you know, there's research saying that trauma is not something that just stays in your generation. You know, trauma, you birth trauma,

It's in our DNA. We are we we are sprouted from trauma, and so now we're trying to understand ourselves mentally. We're generations behind. Unfortunately, you know, um, but it's great that you like this. This is a platform where people are gonna listen and be like, Okay, so it's not just me, Maybe I should get some help because you guys who have a huge platform, are making sure that people hear things like this they have to feel so that they don't hurt the generation it comes after them. Man,

that's dep that's heavy. That's beautiful. Man um I, you know, growing up like like Brad grew up, and like you grew up, like we saw so much stuff done the wrong way. We thought that everything that was right was wrong and everything wrong was right. And we learned how to uh solve conflict with fish guns and insults right, and so all of these things. We're thinking, like you said, we have to. If you don't do it that way,

you're weak. You're showing a sign of weakness. And and and we gotta get past that, you know, we we gotta we gotta get more involved with understanding proper conflict resolution. How much is that it is taught, you know in your session conflict resolution? It's it's it's kind of like intermingled in everything. I mean, people come to me with a conflict mostly so the thing they want to do is take the conflict away from their life so they can have some kind of peace. But that is not

the only reason. When they come to me, they realize, Okay, this conflict happened because there was a conflict that happened before that, and there was a conflict that I learned. This is how I learned how to solve conflict from my parents or my neighbors or my neighborhood, and then they realized like, oh, this is not a new thing. This is something that's that's ingrained in me. This is something that I learned when I was like five or when I was like ten. Right, Yeah, she's really good.

This is what she do. Kids too, No, I don't, not because I don't love the kids. It's just not where my passion is. My passion is older adolescents and adults adult. I saw you so many times on Isaiah Carrey Show, and each time I saw you, probably halftime, I see you, I called Isaiah's man. She did it again, she hears, because I mean I really study you, know, study you, and I'm like, you're really really good at what you do. I mean, you're really good at what

you do. I mean, don't miss, I haven't heard anything that you said that was like out of pocket. Uh. You have this show on call me out if you do. So, you have a show on Isaiah Carries uh show called a segment. You have a segment Angela after dogs Yes, explained to the people what that is and why you think it's important to do that. So as a psychotherapist later on in my career, I specialized in sex and sex therapy, and UM I was able to help focus

that on especially in the African American community. I realized that a lot of the trauma, a lot of the lessons that we learned come from our sexuality, come from images of sex, come from just that whole world, anything under the umbrella of sex. And I realized that more and more every time somebody came into my office, sex came up, sexuality, identity, UM, just all of it came out. Regardless.

I would say about ninety percent of my clients, it was intermingled in there somewhere in regards to like who they saw they were or who they thought they weren't. And I felt like I was doing a disservice by not making sure I had everything in regards to that. So UM, Luckily the Isaiah Show they saw me on Instagram. Thank you Instagram, so and they reached out to me to do the segment, and so we talked about a

whole bunch of things. Marriages, relationships, we talked about you know, a lot of little kinky things or a lot of some serious things. I mean, it's a vast array, but I think that one of the things, especially in the African American community that we are always hesitant to talk about is sex. But it's so important to who we are, right, And that's leads me to one of the questions I had for you was that why do you think because sex is such a natural thing, right, none of us

are here without it? Right? Why is it such a giddy thing? Why is this such a giggly thing? When people start talking grown folks, I don't care how old they are. When you start talking about six, people start giggling this, you know, like you know what's up? You know? Sex is I mean for us, I want to say, like, as humans, we are sexual beings. So to deny that part of us, we're denying a piece of who we are. And so why is it such a thing? It's cultural?

I think it's cultural. I think it's the way a lot of it is based in the church, depending on your religion, not only the Christian Christian Church, a lot of different religions. When it comes to sex, especially when it comes to women. Sex was what they used as a tool to shun women. It was the tool they used to control women. It was the tool that they used to either say that she was a good woman

or a bad woman. And so I feel like with cultural shifts and the roles that we play, because I know that was another thing, the roles that we play in the household. It it's something that you just don't talk about. It's just something you're supposed to do. And also, you know, sex at first was only like, you're only supposed to have sex to propriate. That's it. You find a man, you find a woman, you come together, you you procreate. That was the that's the basis of what

they feel like. Sex was supposed to be. But the part of pleasure was a part that nobody wanted to talk about. So therefore we don't talk about it. And how did that come to be? How did that? Who was that person that said, you know, pro creating is not enough for me. I don't know exactly who did it, but I thank you for whoever it was, because you're denying yourself. You're just basically saying, hey, we're having sex, even though I realized it feels good and I actually

enjoy this act. It's only supposed to be for creating life, but I'm enjoying it. Why can't I do something as well with someone and just enjoy the pleasure of it as well. Just practice hunt. Yeah, that's a heavy subject to me. It's like like sex is addictive. It's like a drug. Like once you on you, once you taste the rainbow, you always got to go back, you know what I mean. It's fighting to come out of and dying to go back in. It's crazy, right if you

taste the right rainbow. Yeah, sure, you know. Sex is a beautiful thing. You know. Of course it's over exhilarating, is no. I think it's a beautiful thing. But you got to realize, like the chemicals that happened, the chemicals that are released in the orgasm during sex are mimicking a lot of the drugs that a lot of people take. I mean, it can. It makes you feel stimulated and

great and relax. So you hit a certain age in life, man, and then and then like you can't you you can't, So now what it's not, you know, don't worry about that till you get that. Man. It's hard. You're not there, not yet, But don't worry. Man. Man, I'm hitting that. Man, I'm just I just want to know, Like, you know, like I got a friend that I played golf with he's like seventy something years old, right, And I'm not gonna go too far into it, but you know, ship

is done. It's done. Jesus Christ. It's hormonal. It's it's something that happens, you know, like a hormone. Okay, So like a hormone, Like you can harmone all you want to, but if if you harmone it and and it just don't work, then it just don't work. It's just there, you know what I mean, It's just there. It's like having it's like having a car in the front yard that doesn't start, you know, you just walk outside and it's just there. See. But there's certain mechanics out there

that can help get it fixed. And so therefore science has evolved to allow people who are dealing with age or any kind of hormonal testosteron estrogen. There are so many things out there that are hoping people. Not just the blue peel. I'm not talking about just that. I'm just about this different trap. A friend of mine, right and and and you know, you know, we mean, so we passed around different ships to make different things go on or whatever, and he came back the next day,

were like, because that's not what he needs nothing. So what he need he needs? Does he need to talk? You need somebody to talk to him? No, he probably need. Always tell people before they come. Before a man or a woman comes to me and they tell me they're having sexual problems physically, I don't tell them to come to me first. I tell them they need to go to a physical medical doctor to check themselves out. First. Man,

you need to go to your eurologist. Women, you need to go to your gynecologist to see what is happening inside of your body, because you can't talk it away. You know, you have to first see if there's a medical condition that's going to help you. I can tell you exactly what's happening inside their body. It doesn't work, may not and unfortunately for some people, pills, medication, certain

treatments may not help. But you have to. If you go through all of that and then you get to the in and it's still not anything, then okay, I get what you're trying to say. That's what I'm trying to say, but I don't want anybody to give up before exploring give up. Don't give up. You don't want

to get I think you make adjustments. I mean personally I don't really worry about things that I can't control, you know, like you know, the serenity prayers my favorite prayer, you know, Like I mean, you know, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can I cannot change. You know, the wisdom I meant, the the strength that changed the things that I can't. Wisdom know the difference. So I don't. I don't really trip on things like that, like I mean, whatever's going down the

line or whatever. It's like I'm gonna die someday, of course, but I don't dwell on that daily. You know. It's like I get that when I get there, I crossed that bridge, when I get that right now, well, I'm living it up. You did what I'm saying. I'm I'm living it up and building this legacy right down. So, man, Willie,

I understand. I want to go back to that question that my original question that uh Brad had me to yield on't um when I was talking about that on your on your site, you said that you were well versed in problematic sexual behaviors. Please please expound, So I'll give some examples problematic sexual behaviors. If you're having sex,

to fulfill something that's not sex. For example, if you're having sex with a lot of people as a trauma response, or you're trying to cover up a certain feeling with sex because you know you're gonna have a great feeling, but you're trying to ignore something else that's going on. That's one thing everybody in this in this world, go ahead, no, no,

now and accept me. But you know, other problematic sexual behavior, having sex with or having fantasies, or having thoughts and acting out on thoughts that you know that are illegal or not part of that's problematic. That's absolutely problematic. Boring, it's problematic. Watching it is one thing. I'm just saying. People do that I know, and that's what they're trying. They're trying to hide some stuff that's going on. Huh,

it's a possibility. I mean, I'm sure if I talk to them, there's other things that have happened in their life that has led that. But watching it is one thing, and acting on it is another thing. I saw some dudes on a video like U two days ago, and now I ain't see what they was doing, but I saw what they were trying to get into. They were like looking at horses like that never happened. It was like three white dudes. They was like looking at the horses,

like looking at the horse like the horse was a girl. Like, now that's a fine thing right there. I actually actually like a boy. It was looking at the horse like it was a boy. That's handsome, dude, Come on, that's a serious it's out there. Yeah. The true part about it is that it appears to me that they were trying to normalize the behavior. Really, yes, ain't nothing normal

about that. Trying that's illegal. So if Napoleon has caught you playing games, you want to jail, you're gonna get I don't know if you're gonna go to jail your prober on what country yet? Yeah? And in America, I mean it's soon, soon, soon, soon, America is going to change that. I'm telling you. Soon, it's going to be legal to run up in your dog. Come on, said man. Had to see it. I had to see. But other problematic sexual behaviors other than that, I mean people, some

people are addicted to porn. Some people are I mean, there's no definition for a sex addiction, but sex addiction does exist. It's people that are addicted to sex. How far it's too much? How much? How far? When you when you're dependent on it. There are some people who are dependent on porn in order to perform when it is interfering with your daily life, when it's interfering with your daily life, when you feel when it's when I said, I'm safe, man, I ain't going to work today, I

pop into like something like that daily functioning. Because now you're missing word problematic sexual. It was problematic. Yeah, I'm mad at I'm man, I'm man at my boss. So I'm just gonna go home and rape myself man. Like I knew that that that when Willie told me that that you were going to come on a podcast that this was gonna make a left turn man and turn into of stuff. That was like mind blowing to me, and and and and problematic sex is mind blowing to me. No,

problematic porn addiction is mind blowing to me. Like damn, anything is problematic if you're doing too much of it and it's disrupting your day man, because you do too much. I was about to ask you, but how do you reach an amical resolution when when there is a significant other doesn't like uh, it doesn't like you watching any type of point you say you don't have an addiction. That person says normally it's a woman that says it's

a problem. How do you savage your relationship, you know and like get this woman to like maybe it depends on you're trying to make her come to your side. Are you trying to go to her side? The problem is the problem is trying to get her to come to his side. Right, Any guy that has a point addiction is not trying to give up his poorne just popped the ship in when she just when she when y'all getting when y'all when y'all get done with them, and just popped the sh in the in the living room,

let the play. See. But there are people that don't. They're fully against pornography because of sex trafficking. So a lot of pornography that you watch a lot of the people that are on there are are sex workers, are sex trafficking. And when I'm saying sex workers, I'm not saying like the legal kinds cut you off, but sex trafficking,

like defining that sex trafficking. Well, Houston is the number one hub for sex trafficking, and basically you are becoming a predator to either underaged women or they can be of aged and you kidnap them, you make them do sexual acts, you imprison them, you ship them away to other countries. And okay, so this is by force. But you can't be like thirty five years old and and and down with with with with with selling your body down with uh pornography, shooting porn or whatever. That's not

sex trafficking. What was that call? Well, those are sex those are they're consensually sex workers. But there are some sex workers even as a thirty year old, twenty five year old, thirty five year old who has someone in their life who's either threatening them or their families. Yeah, do you have a problem with that? And I feel like that's if that's what they choose to do with their body, and that's what they choose to do with the body. Of course, man, like like you, you you

don't want to you don't want to wear this thing out. Man, this thing is great, So you want to try to keep this as intact as possible. Now. But something some women, you know, they can do it all the time and it's an attact. It stays intact. Willie, no man, and listen, man, if you're back your truck out of this driveway and drive to water Burger and back, you put miles on it. Right now, imagine continuously just doing the ship all day, just running back and forth. You imagine somebody liking you

doing that. Boom. That's why we don't get along, man, I don't even know why we do this. You know this is y'all. Get along, y'all just you know that's a healthy debate. It's not it is healthy. Well, I don't want to listen. Man. When I buy a car, I buy my car news preferably with with you know, if you know low miles, bro, don't you put it. I don't want to buy nothing that's already got two hundred miles on it. Yeah, and multiple drivers. That's what

we call preference. That different strokes for different folks. But I will say this, you know, since we're on this on the subject these people who take people by force, YEA, that cool? I'm telling you that that's that's the worst type of Paul Hustler. I can't stand these I can't stand them. I mean I wish death to everything, like I wish death on them, like I mean, like like

a slow death. I mean, because I mean, you're talking about up rooting people from their life, their homes, their families, and and you know that that is that is a low to the flow type dude. It is a huge issue here, especially in Houston, because we are unfortunately, I think we're number one or number two right now in sex trafficking, and so it is rampant here. And so when we're talking about there is enslavement happening right before eyes.

And we don't know a lot of times you walk into these like little stores, corner stores are taverns or whatever bars and they got a whole set up behind in the back that you don't even know about that Samuel Jackson movie that, Yeah, but he had to set up behind And let me ask you a question, doctor. So I don't want to I want to make sure that worried this correctly because I don't want to seem

all meaning and stuff. But like, uh, a girl that has uh willingly given herself to the night, and then she comes back and she wants to make a change, and she finds his right, dude, right, and and you know he find out that she used to be a lady of the night, just be a lady of the night, Like is he wrong for leaving her? Or is he you know, is she wrong for not telling him? Like like she's wrong for not telling him? Is that supposed to be acceptable? Just because you quit? We cool? Now

you ain't. You ain't getting down no more so now you're normal like everybody like you, normal like me. Now, so we should be in a relationship, but you haven't been ran through. Like I'm really big on transparency and honesty, and when it comes to a relationship, I know that with a woman the example that you gave me, she's probably ashamed of her past, but she also has you know, she probably is a probably not okay, I'm making an

assumption where she would have told you, right. But someone who is trying to change their life and they do have some shame of their past. Unfortunately, that's not going to be the first thing they want to tell you or tell anybody about their past because they are trying to turn a new leaf, as they say in life. Am I saying it's wrong that she withheld it? No,

but it's it's a difficult situation. I'm just gonna go with the default answer of be honest, let them know where you know this is what I used to do just in case anything comes up. Now, if he's in love with this woman and they're like going on and everything is great, he's gonna have to ask himself, like, it's her past really that important to my president in my future? Suppose his past is just as bad as her exactly. I think once once he falls in love,

it doesn't matter. Yeah, once you fall in love, it doesn't matter what what the what? The brain says, the heart rules when in relationships. You know, the heart rules in relationships, and maybe that's not the way it should be, but the heart rufe. People go by how they feel, you know, their emotions in relationships more so than what

they think. Here's my point. You can have a situation where with a with a person and you know that that person ain't really right for you, but you like how that person makes you feel, You like what that person looks like. You already know it's wrong and you know and you know this is really not going to be beneficial long term, but you go with it anyway. That's the hard talk. The brainding told you it ain't gonna work, But the heart say, you know what, funk you?

This is how I feel. This is what I'm gonna do. And the heart winds every time. You can disagreed, but that don't mean you're right, Okay, in fact, no, no no, no, I'm no no, no, not not this time. I'm right. I'm absolutely right. I'm absolutely right in this, in this regard. But wanting, here's something else to think about, Brad, Here's something else to think about if you uh, you know, if a woman has a past where she's been with several men, Let's say she was a woman with thousands,

you know whatever, whatever, I'm trying to find that right relationship. Yeah. Yeah, If that dude has already committed to the relationship, she can tell him she's a serious killer. He ain't going nowhere. Vice versa, mental vice versa. He can tell her that he's a serious killer. She ain't going nowhere. Everything all that ship requires thought. She's a serious killer about staying.

He just thought about that. See, but here's the thing, the thing that he thought about that, he thought about that because of his thought and his and his and his and his lust and his love for her whatever that is, it's gonna keep him that thought. Look, and here's a thing like personally, you know, I think that like what like Andrew was saying, first and foremost transparent, especially with something that's serious. You know, you got a body count. He like he was a prostitute. That's a

body count. You gotta gotta gotta be transparent with something like that. And and and give him the option. And I think that at that point, you know, he got to decide is he gonna hold up past against it. So my thing is, I don't feel like you should go in a relationship saying like, Okay, how many people you've been with? How many people have you been with? I think that there's some sense of immaturity in that.

But like I said earlier, this is why this whole conversation is why I do what I do, Because even the examples that we're talking about, there is now a value placed on this woman based on her sexual activity and there nobody nobody's talking about the sexual activity and the man in the relationship. But I'm but I'm saying, but that's because we wasn't talking about the man right now,

we're talking about the woman. But but you're right, I mean, I think I think that I think that the man, you know, the man should be that should be a conversation too, you know, because because you know that was a time when you know, um, I wasn't as you know, discretionary right now, like that mean like now I'm I'm like, I can't know anybody just say they've been with me, you know what I'm saying. And I don't get it.

I don't get excited about a lot of these chicks, Like a lot of these dudes, these football players and basketball players, they don't trip me like that like they do them, you know, Like I like, you know, it's still it's still you know, it's still certain qualities that that you got to have. And it ain't gonna be just a fat ass you know that ain't gonna get it. It's about what you value in a relationship. When you

come into a relationship. Sometimes people really don't care about what you've done in your past because that's not what I value about you. So that's why I'm talking about the man and the woman. If she doesn't care that he's been with however many women, she's probably never gonna ask about it because she probably doesn't really doesn't care. However, if the amount of women that he has slept with or she has slept with is making me lie to you, is making me deseach you, is making me act different.

Then that's when I feel you should have been transparent in the first place, because you're not acting as yourself. I just really believe that each relationship is different and it depends on what you value. If you slept with uh five D six hundred women, I probably don't care. I care about who you are with me, then I'm probably I'm never gonna ask about like your past, probably maybe one or two girlfriends and okay, just to see what that went like. But other than that, that may

not be an issue. And I'm noticing more and more it's not an issue for a lot of people. Now we were going to the extreme when we're talking about like prostitution and sex workers, but I'm just talking about just I guess, a regular old two people meeting and they decide to date. You have to ask yourself how much of this person's sexual past is really important to me at this moment in my life. And so I

just feel like everybody is a little bit different. You know what's important for you, and you know what's important for you, and that's fine, But when you get to a certain age, like it really shouldn't matter cause you all got miles man, you know what I mean, Like we've been running through Willie. First of all, first of our men don't get ran through men do the running through that that that doesn't that sign right, don't right.

I would not listen to that don't sign right. And I think and I think, and I think that after after this, after this show, I think that you know, you should have a one on one project consolation with Angela. Yes, she talked to her about that type of language. But I do believe, but I do believe. I don't think

that women. I still don't believe to this day that most most women just don't really care about the dude's body count because but because in a traditional sense, you know, a lot of times women want the dude who all the other women wanted to do, that's the player or whatever, and then she want to get him in changing she wanted, she want to get him, She want to get him as long as the body count. She she don't care about your body account before, she care about the body

account after. That's that's partially true, that's partially true. The thing is, it's I think it's in regards to maturity. I think it's also about proximity. If I start dating you and we run into somebody you have ran through every place that we go, right, Or I'm getting approached by this person and this person about your past, what that does as the other person, It doesn't make me

feel safe. It makes me feel like every time I'm with you, we're surrounded about around people that you've slept with, and then that's when it becomes problematic. But if you lived in New York and you moved to Texas and you know you don't know anybody here, I probably really I probably really don't care because I don't feel unsafe. You know, I care about who you are with me.

Unless you feel like your sexual past is going to impact this relationship like I said, or you're acting different, or you're lying, or it's causing you to be deceptive, then you need to let me know. But other than that, you just need to make me feel safe and protected in this relationship. And if I'm getting confronted by people you slept with left and right, I'm not a past is correct slept Yeah, so she shouldn't be concerned. On a On a personal note, I just you know, I

meet people where they are. You know, I meet people where they are. It's like, because all of us gotta pass, everybody gotta pass. Like what if what if a woman decided, you know what, I don't want to mess with you because you robbed the bank before, you know what I'm saying, like whatever, whatever, you know exactly so, but my point, but my point is that ain't none of us perfect. We all have sin and falling shot at the glory

of God, you know. So for me, you know, like I look at even with how people treat you know, how people deal with other people, Like I look at how do you deal with me? How do you me? That's what's important to me. You know that I don't. I really just don't because because I know that I got to pass, and I'm not the same person that

I was years ago. And I know other people, so many other people, even Brad, Brad is not the same person that he was years ago, you know, Like, so I don't I look at where we are right now, and I don't don't. I don't. I can hold a grudge, but if it but if there's a situation where we have a sit down and you know, we arod it out and once I say the water is under the bridge, It's under the bridge for real. With me, I'm going forward. I'm not looking in that river. That's good, that's good.

That's that's part of being secure in who you are. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people out there that are not. And so a woman's past or a man's past becomes a problem because you're insecure. So that's another part. So you want to know she's You're at a a gala or somewhere and you you see your girlfriend saying hi to a guy she knew and hi school a little tap tap hug, and you start getting infuriated. That's your insecurities. That has nothing to do with her, you know. So

there's there's so many levels to this, you know. But when it comes to a healthy relationship, what you were describing is because you are secure and who you are and what you want and that's that feels safe question, Doc, so um a couple at the gala. She run into a guy that she had dealings with in the past and and and he actually prew her back out. Okay, does the does that click in her head when she sees him or no? What the incident that he blew

her back out. It's a possibility, an incident that sounds like something just happened more than one time. Absolutely, that sounded like more like an event if you absolutely blew her back out, wouldn't you if you saw a woman at the gala that blew your back out, the first thing you'd be like, that's the girl that blew my back out your terms she ran through. I know a couple of them that absolutely did blow my back out.

But but but you know, like it, it's got to be different with women and guys dating women and they see they ex and then they ex blew they back out, and then that ex come to mind while she went to dude, and now she's looking at the dude that she would there like caust just niggers a fool With men, men don't like being in the same room with other men that he knows that it's been inside of this woman,

inside of his woman. Men don't like beings through. Men don't like being in the same room with a man that that uh, that he knows. And and I think for the most caut I think for the most part, women are too. I think most part women are too because you can be in the same room with your woman and she knows it was some cheeck that you used to date or whatever. And trust you me, her expression is going to change the moment that she sees that. See, if that does happen. It is your job to make

your partner feel safe, man or woman, you know. So if you are in a you need to make him feel safe. But if you are focused with her and you are there with her, she probably feels safe. You're not even worried about what's over there, right, she shouldn't be worried about what's over there. She should, but that's

human nature. Man. You know that a lot of people get married because they don't want to see that this woman or this man, you know, this woman with somebody else and me, I don't give a shit about that. Go ahead, it doesn't bother me. That's that's not it for me. You know, that's not the end all of me. I need it okay, so that it had nothing to when you change that check with that ax back in nothing oh business always yes, always walk out of here

like all the time. Hey man, statuta, do you family members ever come to you for advice or do they think that you think you know too much something like that. I've had a cross between both. UM. You know, I have family members who trust me and talk to me, but it's mostly about mental health, anxiety, depression, things like that. UM. I haven't had too many family members come up to me asking me, um information about sex or sexuality. But I am a safe space. I pride myself on being

a safe space for anybody in my life. You know, you tell me something, you don't have to tell me not to tell other people. It's it's kind of automatic for me. So I pride myself in that. Why would I do this? Why would I spend all that money on my degrees, all that time in school not to be able to help the people that I love. So I hope that I'm a safe space for people in

my family. I haven't and there are people I can't really say my family, but there are people that have seen me and I felt like, oh, she thinks she all that. But that's again their own insecurities. That's that has nothing to do with me. Yes, I have one and a girl. She's eight, so she's not at the age yet where she's gonna think that. See, because I think that's a misconception that some people have. They think that therapists think they know everything, right, I don't know everything,

and they want to get inside. They're always trying to man when I tell you that is my pet peeve, Like anytime, so I'm already a naturally in quiz of the person. In order for me to get to know you, I will ask you questions, but I feel like that's what you're supposed to do, and I may have some deeper questions to ask you, and it's not because I'm trying to psychoanalyze you or get into your head. I just really want to know who you are as a person. But as soon as I tell him I'm a therapist, man,

you trying to therapize me. You know, Man, can you read my mind? And I'm like, I'm not a psychic? But you know, yeah, that that does happen a lot. There is a stigma and a lot of I have friends that are therapist as well. We talk about it all the time. One of my best friends, she's single and she's a psychotherapist. She's a doctor, and one of the complaints that she tells me is that as soon as they find out that she's a therapist, they the conversation shifts as soon as she asked a question like

you know, anything that may show that she's interested. He was like, oh, is this you know? Is this therapy right now? And she's like, I'm just trying to get to know you. So yeah, it definitely does happen. I'm just a naturally inquisitive person innect with people one on one, not in a social setting, and so if I'm talking to you one on one, that I am going to ask you not very personal information, but I will probably ask you some things that are a little bit deeper.

What do you find the hardest for people to share with you about themselves? Hm? Hmmm. Lately people have been more open with talking to me about sex. Not not really my family members, but like friends or friends of friends. They have been like, oh girl, let me tell you what's going on in my marriage? Let me or like oh can you help me out? I met this guy? And I don't mind that. I feel like I'm actually honored that they feel safe to even tell me that

kind of stuff. Um. So, mostly it's in regards to right now sex, sexuality, identity, or they're asking me about the different resources like who can I go to that can help me with depression or an anxiety, because if I know them, I can't see them, so right, And how does one become a therapist? Like, I know, you gotta you gotta go to school, and yes, yes, but

how does one become a therapist? So get your bachelor's and you get your masters either in counseling, psychology, social work, and then you get licensed, which you can take another three years. I took it a step further. I got my doctorate UM, so that was an extra three years on top of the masters and then and then also the licensing. So it's not as much school as a medical doctor, so I want to keep that clear. But it is a lot of school, a lot of reading

and writing. Was there at any point that you say to yourself, what the hell am I doing? I don't know if I'm really cut off of this UM. I always thought I was cut out for it, but I was tired of reading. I was tired of reading it. The doctoral programs, especially with a pH d, you are doing a lot of research, You're doing a lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of reading other people's opinions, and you know, it does get exhausting. But I don't think there was a point where I was like, this

ain't for me. I knew it was for me before I even got there, So, um, you couldn't tell me I wasn't gonna do what I said I was gonna do. Do you give advice or do you give like do you just talk to people and just hear them out and perhaps provide options? And my asking this because I want to know, has anybody ever taken that advice and like came back and came to you and blame you

for the decision that they made. That's why you don't give advice, you know, because if I give your advice and you go home and you do that and it destroys your marriage or you lose your job, you could sue me. So what am I coming to guidance for guidance? Guidance? Yes, so I will. Any conclusion you make in therapy should be a conclusion you actually came to yourself. But I'm helping you get there if I just give you the answers, well, this is what you need to do, and you just

I mean, what is that going to help it? You're you're not learning how I even got to that conclusion or how I even got to that advice that I gave you. So what is the point of going to therapy. I'm just gonna tell you what to do. You could just go to your mama or somebody and they'll tell you what to do. But I want you to understand, like how you get to that place where you make wiser, better decisions. But most of the time it in session, you're going to come to your own conclusion. I'm just

helping you get there. M hmm. It's a hard content for a lot of people to wrap their mind around. But that's why I tell people, if you haven't been a counseling, try it, not just once, try it like for a little while. First I've been in counseling, I'm in the group therapy and all kinds of crap. But it still doesn't it's not it's not an answering there,

you know what I mean? But what help you? And and for those of you who don't know, uh, I hit song, the Ghetto Boys hit song of Mine playing Tricks as for as I know, was really like the

first like song that addressed mental health. And I mean that's period rapped otherwise, And this was a song that was that came out of Brad's head first, and so you know, we we talked about, you know, the paranoia, being in the drug game, and and and and being in relationships romantic intimate relationships, uh, and even friendships within that song in the context of that song. So, uh, Brad, I wanted I got a question for you. It's like, what what? How did you get past that? I mean,

how did you get past that? That upbringing that you had because you had some mental health challenges and at one point you had to be uh admitted into an asylum, you know, like as an adolescent. But but what but what people look at you and they say, man, this guy he made it. He did it? Like I mean, like, you didn't just make it out of poverty. You made it out with mental health challenges and and you appear to be a functioning adult, right, Like, how did you

do it? How did you get through it? Um? Honestly, Uh, Willie, it came to a point where you know, you had four levels to you know, uh, to to get out of this place that I was in. And the more you digress, she went backwards and it kept you in there longer. So I'd say that I learned how to play.

I learned how to play the system, you know, to the point where I acted like it wasn't shipped wrong with me no more, Like it wasn't nothing bothering me no more, and writing about the time of of being released. You know, my career started, so that that changed a lot too. I think that, um and I don't mind,

is the devil's workshop for sure. Because when I had nothing to do but getting, you know, getting the streets, and and and and try to do what I thought was right to earn a was necessary to earn a living, you know, a whole lot of deep depression, depressing uh visuals come to mind, you know, uh uh, to the point where where where you're willing to do anything to keep the lights on at your grandma house, or you willn't do anything to make sure your grandfather truck is

running up, you know what I mean? Like like and then when when when the money came around, the depression left. You know, I wouldn't manage depressive nom more. I wouldn't. So I didn't want to die no more, you know what I mean, Like I had a reason to live now you know, I got children, I got some money. Now you know I got a family that I'm responsible for kids that can come behind me that I have to give, uh, jewels and things too. So so when they have their families, they can you know, they can

prosper in life. But man, you know, to to to make a long story shortened, put everything in a nutshell. Man, I think it's money. I think money changes everything. You know, I know it's a shitty thing to say, but money changes everything, and it changes your outlook on everything. Well for some people. And he had to work for you because you look at somebody like but look at somebody like Robin Harris. I mean not Robin Harris, but Robin Robin you know who he had had everything. He had

the shakes. Yeah, yeah, he had the shakes. Man. But that's but that's been an other you know, but there's other people called Parkinson's. Yeah, but there's other people who didn't have uh parkinson. Maybe they had a drug addiction or whatever they addiction. But I mean, but you've done drugs. I mean that's an addiction. I mean you've got man, I got high just to get hot. Okay, what about that time? We don't do that? But that's not true.

What about so let me let me help. We never had to put up on Brad in the projects under Bridge. Money gave you access, right and it's some of the things that you were depressed about was the fact that you you weren't able to provide, You weren't able to take care, You weren't able to being able to go to buy whatever I wanted to have. But that, but that was your source of depression. For other people, maybe something else, right, it could have been. It may have

been physical, emotional abuse. It could have been a lot of abuse. Yeah, that's abuse. But what does but what does what does money do in abusive relationships or an abusive situation? It can move you out. Imagine not having no money to do nothing with you know what I mean? Like if everything that you can name, I can all, I can double back and send his money and fix that ship anything I have. I have many clients that have come from very abusive families, clients that were raped

by uncle's or beat or all of those things. And it did eventually, of course, affect them mentally, It affected their relationships, that they were depressed and all of that. And then they got out somehow, either by going to college or just leaving made a lot of money, but they were still a prison to their mind. And and I know a girl who committed suicide who had everything and beautiful girl had money and everything, and she killed

herself because of you know, herr her mental condition. You know, for whatever reason. You know, it was not the fact that she grew up poor. You did, so. I mean, I think people go through that for different reasons. But man, I'm glad that you got through it. Bro, I'm really glad you got through it because you've been a blessing. Man. You've been a blessing, blessing to absolutely and and and Dr Angela Jones. You have been a blessing. Thank you, and you have taught us a lesson and I hope

so me ain't stressing. This is amazing. Tell telling people how they can get at you or how they can see you are are just you know, ask your questions. You could just go to my website at Angela Jones PhD dot com, or you could go to my Instagram page at Dr Angela Jones. Day you go, Ladies and gentlemen, we really really appreciate you coming out today. No problem, psycho for yourself, class for yourself, theist. Thank you a psychotherapist, extraordinary,

put extraordinary, anything met. You know what to Willy before y'all leave out of here. You know what can fix a lot of ship too. Sex on the next motel. No more talk. Thank you, miss Angela. This episode was produced by A King and brought to you by The Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Radio