The Tamika Foster Raymond Episode

Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing for no buttament biscuits. It's Willie d y'all, scarfaces and recovery. Collectively, we are the ghetto boys, reloaded with another episode of information and instructions to help you navigate through this wild, crazy, beautiful world. In the studio, I guess the great then conquerable. Tamika Foster Raymond, thank you for having me. How are you hey? I'm trying to be expended issue you are or a quite interesting person? Uh, you got your hands full.

Every time I look up, You've got something else going on, and it's not just anything it's big stuff you've got going on. Um, I noticed, uh that you have a somewhat of a connection with a good friend of mine, Houston's own, Eric Carr. How did you? And Eric caught me? Eric was actually, um gonna be my father in law for a while. Yeah, he was dating my ex husband's mom. It's a funny way that we met. He's now my ex husband. At the time, he looked, yeah, yeah, so

Eric is a m Really he was a really great supporter. Um. He just always kind of had my back. I think we you know, real recognized as real, and he kind of saw my spirit and you know, and I saw his I thought he was very cool, so funny. He's a hilarious any funny. So I took to him. He's his big brother. He's definitely a big brother. He always looked out right right right. You grew up in Oakland. I love Oakland. I love the people. It's something about

the people in Oakland. It's a certain sense of pride that comes with that. You know that that whole Bay area really you know, too short, it's a cool real super cool dude. You know, uh e forty did you know those guys personally? Well, let me tell you, too Short, we used to write the same bus to school. I mean he went to a different school, but it would stopped at his stop and he would be on the back of the bus and when people would come on, he's the guy that would join on everybody. Everybody on

the bus. He had jokes, you know, he'd rap a bottom, he free style talk about him. Yeah, he would talk about girls on the bus city bus to school. Bus city bus. We used to be on the bust seven. We get fifty seven and I used to take it nice to remember, don't when he be on there talking loud or rapping. I would just hide because I said, don't get on me. I was skinny, you talk about me. So yeah, if too Short is definitely that's my buddy.

We're cool. Still, Yeah, that's that's kind of odd to me to think of Short like that, because Short is kind of reserved duty. Anytime you see him out, he's reserved. But he's a rapper that talks mad shit right right right? Did you know mac jac mcdrey. I did not know him. I didn't know. I feel like I feel like he must have been younger. Yeah, I didn't know. I know of him, but I don't know. Yeah, he's Valeto though I think I think he's from Yeah, he's not open Yeah, okay,

right right. I'm Oakland through and through town business, town, business, period. And Oakland has a history of rod It's like like activists, that's you know, very very strong activists, and which brings me to something that I that's really dear to my heart, philanthropy, you know, and that's something that you're involved with heavily. You are a co founder of Oakland Oakland Natives Gives Yes, Oakland Natives Gives back. Um, my partners and I thought

it was a huge problem. Truancy is a big problem in the city of Oakland. Um, the graduation rates and you know, keeping butts in in there in classrooms instead of on the street, big, big important thing for us. And um every year we do like giveaways. We give away thousands, I mean like ten thousand backpacks and school supplies, bus passes, choose everything, everything to get them prepared for the first week, first days of school, no excuses. And how long have you been doing that? This is our

fourteenth year. Four year. Yeah, we we've missed a year of the giveaway because of the pandemic but um, Oakland Natives is an important cause. Usually this is something that I would do towards the end of the show, but I want to do that right now. How do people get involved with your foundation, especially people that want to contribute, Actually,

that would be great. Um Oakland Natives is um, like I says, if I one C three based out of Oakland and they just can go to Oakland Natives Gifts back and they can definitely make donations that way, right, So tell me to Maka, how was it growing up in Oakland? Who is to make a growing up? And and how do you dream? How do you aspire to become who you are today? What? What? What put you

on that path? You know? I always liken myself to a concrete rose, and that means that the environment around me, while it wasn't ideal, Um, I saw more for myself always. I had my father's family. Um they were I guess I would say they were very classy. They are very classy. Um. I have a aunt who's almost ninety eight who got me into fashion at an early age. She owned a boutique near the lake, and UM I worked in her boutique. UM, my mother's side, they're classy as well, but they were

more southern. You know, that's your your grassroots, your you know, your your your Baptist background and all that stuff. That's where that comes from my mother's side. Um, so I had I think I was very grounded, um just from a goud perspective that was first and then just kind of refined part. I think came more from my I'd say, from my father's side. And that's where my fashion background comes from. Right now, you attended the Fashion Institute of

Design and Merchandise. You're not just a stylist. You are a technician, Like this is what you do for real. You know, like there's a lot of people that are stylis and they're like, man, I got styled, you know, uh, oh con dress, you let me dress you what? But they don't really have the And I'm not saying it's a requirement, right, but to actually go to school for it, to study it, you know, it puts you on a

different kind of level in my opinion. You know, like it's it's kind of like somebody that go to that that learns music, uh naturally versus someone who actually goes to school and studies the art of music, right, it's a little different, and you know, today, God is hard. I don't like to call myself a stylist anymore because it's it's a term that has been just kind of

they've kind of used it and kind of ruined it. Yeah, so everybody, you know, everybody that worked in the mall for three days will come out like I'm a stylist. Just like it's a little harder than that. You have to kind of get into the psychology of the artists, you know who, who are their demographic who are they trying to you know, what are they trying to portray? You know, what don't they like? You know, there's a

lot of questions I asked. Before I shop for a person or before I design something for a person, I look at their body language, because you don't want clothes on a person that's wearing them. You want a person to wear the clothes and you don't want to close the overpower their personality. Yeah, there's more to it than just buying clothes and look good. And I noticed that's what everyone's doing. Okay, okay, okay. Uh client list very impressive.

Petdal Libel nas jay Z, Lauren Hill, who you eventually married, How did that come to be? How do you how do you go from styling for somebody, dressing somebody to actually forging a romantic relationship because you know, as a stylist, you're a bit of a psychologist, you kind of because you're getting into the heads of your client and your Sometimes they talk to you about stuff that's going on in their life. You know, you become a friend. You really my clients, most of them will tell you, I'm

very opinionated. Um, I'm pretty wise, I'd say I think. They'd say um, and they would run. They bounced different things off of me that's going on in their life or in their business. They talked to me about it. Um. So in addition to styling, they start to talk to me, you know, and say, you know, I'm going through this, or like you know, in our case, we talked about our friendship, you know, just different people were dating, or

my marriage when I was married at the time. So yeah, we became friends best friends, right, and then at one point it moves from a working relationship to a intimate and intimate relations romantic, well romantic and then at some point intimate. But that ain't that that goes what I say. We got to talk about all. But but at what point, who says, hey, I want more? Who does that? First? You know, I was, I was UM in a shaky

marital situation. I was about to break up my husband and I was talking to him about it, and he was like, you gotta get counseling. He was encouraging me not to break up. And once it was really finally over, he was like, if you're serious and you really and you're not living with him anymore, and you're gonna go on about your way, we're gonna go out. And actually, like really, you know, I thought he was a little young and he had, you know, obviously some growing to do.

He was a little annoying as a client at times, UM, and I took him up on you know, I took him up on offer, and we went out. We went on a vacation and then it just turned into first date was a vacation kind of Look, our first real date was a vacation. I mean we traveled. I mean obviously we were on tour and stuff, so we were

together a little bit more than vacation. But our first official, like we're gonna try to do this kind of date was a vacation, went to ask him, So, let's back up a little bit, how do you enter into the fashion world like and start I know you went to school and everything, but how do you transition and start

getting paid to stop? Um? I was on I was young, I was living in l A. And I was kind of on the club scene, just kind of hanging out, you know, doing a normal Saturday night, Friday night parties at the Palladium and wherever, and um, you know you always see the same group of guys and girls when you go out. And there was a guy named Todd Russo he Um, I was working for Michael Bivins. And when you when you say palladium, which l L because you know we have a palladium in Houston, wasn't you know?

I asked, was better? But go ahead? You know, got l A l A palladium. Um. So we would go out to the clubs in l A and be able to that's when stuff was open late, and go to Larry Parker's hanging out on Beverly Drive. Larry Parkers was spot and so anyway he would say, man, I love your style, like just my regular party style like this was Todd. So Todd worked for Michael Bivns, which he had a label called bif ten Records, in a group

called Subways seven oh two. He hired me to style them, and so he said, we have a video coming up, a new new group, and I want you to put your whole style on these girls. And I was like, how do I do that? How does one going about that? So I, um, I just went shopping and I met I met with the girls. They drove from Vegas. They were called seven o two. They came to l A and I met with them. And I didn't know the first thing about styling per se, but I knew how

to dress someone like myself. And I met with the girls and they had me. They flew me to New York and I just thought, you guys are gonna pay me to do something I would do for free. And I always say when you, when I speak to children and young people, I say, always choose a career you do for free, and then you never work a day in your life. So um, they flew me to New York. That was my first time in New York. And I did a video called This Little Game We Play that

was Subway in seven o two. His first video and um. I ended up doing their clothing in their makeup because they had a makeup artist and the girls came in. It was like, we hate our makeup. Oh this is horrible. Was their first video, and it was my first video, and I was like, don't worry, don't cry. I got you and I fixed their little makeup and they were happy and we shot the video and it came out and word of mouth. It was word of mouth through motown.

I started doing like Eric read em c Brains. I styled a lot of their artists, and then it went over to Warner Brothers and I started doing something for the people and Eric Bonet and all those new artists back then, and just word of mouth. It was like a snowball effect. Then I took me over the m c A. Then Little Silas hired me to do Jesse Powell, and then I started doing Patti LaBelle and then my clients just went up and up and up, and then Lauren Hill, you know, and it went on and it

was a snowball. I started working with everybody shock a con and at what point you get to to to where you say, I'm not even oppressed with this anymore,

you know. I can style anybody, you know, because in the beginning, I'm sure like you, all of these people that you normally see on television, you know, you're right there having conversations with them, and you're shopping for them, you're talking to them, you're you're styling them, and you know, you you know, you're right there, you know, on their level.

And at some point, you know, you become to Meka Foster, you become your everybody's looking at Tamika right at what point did you ever get to that point where you saying, you know, hey, uh, I need to you know, push my brand more now, you know, because it's you know, I mean, it's still a struggle. Um. Now, I'm very personal in an intimate setting or like a dinner with my friends, but I never wanted to be in front

of the camera. Um, this is a nervous even now, Like I'm I'm a little nervous, like like I'm just nervous in front of the camera. I don't think this is really where I'm supposed to be in front of the camera. But um, I always said I need to do my own clothing line. I felt like I was, um kind of wasting so many designs you know, people say, hey, design me a look for my video or or like you know, and Lauren and the Fuji's, Hey do our

tour designed the looks for that. And I would make all these nice outfits for an award show, and I was like, God, I could have produced, mass produced these and made a million of these and made millions of dollars. But that's I never thought pushed myself as far as being in front of the scene. I always wanted to be behind the scenes. But you have your own line now. I have Eli Kish and I have Eli Kish is

my son that passed away. His name is Kyle Ishmael, so Eli Kish is a play on his name, on the words and the letters of his name and some loungewere when we all got stuck in the house during the pandemic, I said, I need to make clothes at are transitional, Like you can just be at home doing zoom calls and then if someone wants to go to dinner or you need to run and go get some toilet paper during the shortage, you have on a cute dress or something you can just kind of run out.

So I made a lady's um kind of Loungewere Um collection and then UM I have UM Cult de Jore, which are these military inspired jackets, their vintage and they're all adorned with patches and everything, and so um I kind of have two small boutique lines that I'm I'm happy doing that. How do you want to take that? You know, I don't really wish to be in boutiques or like major department stores. I kind of like it

being um a small line. I like. I like exclusivity, so I like things that are not easy to obtain. I don't want to see every girl walking down the street and what I have, so um Eli Kish I like for it to be small, but I'd like for it to grow, go into more collections, more seasons. Yeah, you have this uh animation series that was also named after Kyle. You're determined to keep his name alive, aren't you. Yeah, You're you're determined. You know, it's it's beautiful to see

that type of love coming from a mother, you know. Um, you know it's one thing too to have that his memories to yourself, and you said, no, I'm gonna share with the world. You know, I'm gonna make sure that the world no who this boy was, you know, like he was special. And I saw an interview where you he was talking about him, and I think it was on the on Tamras show Tamra Hall, and you said that he had fulfilled this kind track. So to speak

with the world, can you explaind on that. I believe that from the time we're born, from a time we're born, God already hasn't written what's going to happen in our lives. I think you know, from the time I came from my mother's womb, I was gonna eventually do all the things I did. I was gonna work in fashion, I was gonna love style. I was gonna be probably the spirit animal of my aunt Sadie, which I think I am. She's ve um. And God knows what I'm gonna die.

He already knows. I don't know. We don't know. So I feel that our lives are predestined. And I think because I believe that, I believe that about everybody. The same goals. From my son Kyle his time, he had eleven years on this planet, um and something you know, of course, I vacillate with my ideas about that. UM. Sometimes I say, if just this hadn't happened differently, This

hadn't happened differently, he'd still be here. But my faith tells me no. Had he been with me, we could have been at home, but ceiling could have fallen in. If it was his time to go, I think he was gonna go. So when I say he filled a contract, I hate. I hate that it happened at age eleven. I hate it. I cried. I cried on the plane on the way here, listening to a song Beyonce. I was here. I listened to that song and I'll break down. Um, but I believe that to be true. So that has

given me comfort that he's made an impact. But I just feel that there was things he wanted to do. He said it very distinctly to me. I want to be an actor. I want to be on Nickelodeon. I want to be on Disney. I want to be on TV. Mom. He said that to me before he passed. So it's my honor, it's my duty to see it come to fruition. Um. I think that he wanted he wanted an animal, he wanted to be in animation. You wanted to be on cartoons,

or you wanted to be on a television show. So I'm going to create one, right, right, our lives are predestined, our fate has already been decided. Well, we're gonna be what we're gonna do. It's already in God's hands. Your words, that's exactly right. I heard that. I was like, this woman is something else. Man. I like her. I like your spirit. You got a good spirit. Thank you. That's good. That's good. And at you. But if I had a mama like that, I ain't gonna ain't gonna do that.

I do don't do that, an don't do it. But but you know, it took time for me to learn to be this person. Yeah, that's that's something else to see that, see that type of Twenty years ago, I would have not said this. I would have been mad at the world. Um. When I started writing, I was mad. I was so angry. Um. I started writing my book of Somewhat as a diary, just kind of journaling with how I was feeling about different stuff and the space I was in when I started writing it. Oh, I

was mad at the world. I was blaming everybody in the book. My words were just mad and it was ship and damn and I was cursing, and I was amiss and I put it down. And and also being from Oakland, you know we lived by a kind of a street code, right, So street code until you shot somebody before you started writing. I had the potential. I definitely had it in me to do so, No, I did not, right, that's my boy, Swayze is my homie. But um, no, street code is we don't tell. I

don't care what happens around us, what we see. We keep our mouths closed. So it's kind of a really dumb and backwards mentality because you victims just don't. They just stay victims. They don't get to talk about it. They don't tell. So I wrote things down and I was like, nope, nope, no, we're not gonna do that. So I stopped writing. And then when my unpassed two years later, after my divorce and everything, I started writing again, just my feelings about what happened to him and just

mad at God. So the book originally was called Mad at God. That's how mad it was. Now it's a chapter in my book. We got a chapter when I realized I wasn't mad enough for a whole book. I wasn't mad. How can you write twenty chapter mad at God, mess around, lightning strikes, like you give me that thing?

Mad God is still good all the time. So no, So um, I do have a chapter called mad at God, and I think a lot of people will relate to it because we've all been mad at him about different things that happened in our lives, and we asked God like why you know, why? Why the kids over there? Why did he allow this to happen to kids? Why do you let my nights aunt get cancer? Why do you know? Things like that? So, um, it's interesting. I go through a lot of ebbs and flows different. Life is,

life is. Life is a beautiful thing though. All in all, I lost my mother. I lost my son. That's the worst thing I think any mother or any parents could ever do, is bury their child. Because it's not supposed to happen in that order, right, Yeah, it's out of order for sure. Yeah. I can definitely relate to that chapter mad at God, because I questioned God, I mean heavily when my godfather died. My godfather was a Baptist preacher and he and his wife died in a fire

house fire. My grandmother died like that, My grandmother died like that, and she was the most god fearing. Yeah. Yeah, when that happened, that was so horrific. It threw me off. It threw all everything. It just questioned everything that I thought I knew about, you know, God and my my spirit and everything. It just it shook me to my core to see such great people died like in such a tragic way. I mean, these are people who the community was taken care of by. These are people who

never knew no. They couldn't say no to anybody. Everybody came to them for assistance. Uh, and you know, to see them die like that, I was like, man, hey, man, So I understand mad at God. Absolutely absolutely. Listen. My grandmother, my father's mother, my father's mother and sister died in a house fire. I lived with my grandmother when I was young, and she was a Jehoah's witness and she

was very if you know anything about Jehoa's witnesses. Besides for the fact that we used to get avoided, people hide under the couches when we knocked on the door. But aside from that, it's a very um it's very disciplined related. So you have to be very convicted to be a Jehoa's witness. You don't celebrate all these pagan holidays, and you don't go and buy a bunch of stuff for Christmas, and you don't buy a tree in YadA, YadA, YadA. So my grandmother was a devout Jehoa's witness and she

died in the fire. I couldn't believe it. In my aunt. She died trying to save my aunt in the in the house fire. I thought there couldn't be a god. Somebody worshiped God as much. I was like, how is that possible. That's how my godfather died. He died trying to save his wife. They died that way, both of them.

I didn't know that. Yeah, they were in the house and you know that was a space heater and it was it was a gas space heater and it caught on fire, and you know, it took her out first, and you know, it started burning in her room first, and then he went in and try to save her, and you know he got him. You know. So yeah, man, you were done. You were like this, it's no God, there's no way. I know. Absolutely it was their time. Yeah, well they had fulfilled it was their time, see and

see and see. And I hear people say that a lot, and it's just for me, like, I just feel like that perhaps if you die of old age, maybe it was your time. This is my thinking. And I know everybody got their thing. And because I hear people all the time say, well, you know, man, you know it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. You know, we already got our moment. We are we already, all of us already got a time. I feel like, yeah, we're all gonna die and we got a time. But I do believe

that there are some things you can do. The Russian frenchness. If a train is coming on the track and that train is going and the arms are coming down, the guard arms are coming down, and you still decide that you're going to try to beat that train and that train smash your ass to smoother rings. You know, wasn't your time to die? Or did you rush it? You know? If you if you had a corner store and you see the you know, the local mafia, your boss's mother

inside of the store, and your cuss out. You know what I'm saying, wasn't your time? You know? Or did you? Yeah? Did you expedity? You know, did you rush it? So I just believe that there are some things that we can do to rush death. Uh, But you know, overall, I guess you know that is a There is a time, and you know for all of us, and we all got an expiration, and it's important to know that we're

here temporarily, you know. I'll tell you what though, as a mother who lost a child, it's kind of what gets me through, you know what I mean. If I were to just think about it, I'd be mad again. It would be another book I would write cussing out the guy that ran into my son. But if I don't live in the spirit of forgiveness, I'd be angry

about so much. So in order to remain in a beautiful state, which my book is called, here I stand in a beautiful state, I have to kind of release things and I have to Yeah, I have to just go back because you have two states of being. You can you can be in a suffering state or a beautiful state. There's only two states. There's no third state. You can suffer and that means be mad, hold resentment, anger, dada da da da, or you can go back to

a beautiful state. So when things go wrong in your life, you have to you can take a moment to process. I ain't say it, don't get mad, cuss the folks out, whatever you're gonna do, let it go, release it, say what you have to say, Release it and go back to a beautiful state, because you don't want the rest of your day, or your weak or your life to be ruined by that thing over there. There's nothing that

being angry at the guy who hurt my son. Trust me, I'm mad as the dickens, and everybody in my family is like, we're gonna take him out. You know what was that was that gonna bring my son back? So I have to release it. And I forgave him. I knew it was an accident. He didn't mean to run into my son. I can't remain mad. He went to jail. Um, and your son died. Just for the record, he died

into some type of water accident. Right. He was with his father and um some of his dad's friends, and they went to the lake and his dad was driving a pontoon boat and it had an enter tube connected to the boat and he pulled it through the lake and the kids get on. They have fun. They had a joyous day at the lake, and they had jet skis and people zipping around. You know jet skis, people get crazy on them, not realizing there's no breaks on water.

And so the guy basically ran. He did some kind of bee line towards whatever boat or to My son and another little girl were on and he ran and he basically landed on the children. And there was another little girl on there who survived. My son basically saved her life. And um, he had a traumatic head and brain injury called a t p I. And UM he was in the hospital for two weeks. And I had to make peace. What what was going to happen? You know the way that the outcome was gonna go? Trust me?

Oh man, please. I was in there throwing stuff. I acted a food Let's be clear. I was very angry, mad at God. Like all the kids in the world there, you know, he got some bad kids. I hear robbing people at gunpoint and doing all kinds of things. He's talking about Kyle. This was a kid that sat on his computer all day, computer genius. He was artist. He painted, he sang. His voice was like an angel. I mean could sing he's posted on my page. You can see him.

Could sing um and a mama's boy, like help me cook for Thanksgiving, cut up all He's my Sioux chef. He would cut up all the all the tomatoes and all the onions and everything for the dressing. Like he was the guy to stand with me rapping gifts at four in the morning. This is my guy. I could not believe he was even on the tube because this is why I say it had to be his time. He wasn't athletic, now that he wasn't. He hated sports, but he loved everything creative and artistic and writing and

singing and all that. Anyway, that said, he volunteered to get on this tube. The guy ran into him on a jet ski and that's what happened. Did you blame his dad? Um? No, I think his father probably you know, suffers and has enough you know that he's dealing with, So it would be it would be kind kind of make no sense to blame him and put extra No. Yeah, I felt bad for Yeah, I feel bad for his father. Still. Yeah,

here I stand and a beautiful state. How'd you come up with the title, Well, well, my ex husband wrote an album called here I stand. Um, he put on that I'm called Here I stand, and the title track is that, and each of the songs on the album. I think there's probably I don't want to lie, but I think there's like twelve songs on the album that would dedicated to me. All twelve songs, every single one album.

So you added in a beautiful stage. Yes, here I stand. Well, it was about the album, but more importantly, here I stand mean me as a person that's been through I was three months pregnant when my first son's father was killed in Oakland, so I have yeah, my son, I was nineteen and Um, I was having a baby by a guy who was a street guy and he was killed. And I had a child by myself, single mom, and I did very well with him. He's a very independent,

sweet loving person, no trouble, just good kids. So here I stand. I've been through a lot. I've been through just some egregious stuff. Um, losing my grandmother, losing my mother, losing my sister. I mean, I have a lot of people have died in my family. How old were you when your mom and grandmother died? Um, my grandmother, I would say I was about two. My grandmother in the fire. My grandmother and aunt in the fire. Um. I was about twenty two. My son was a little boy. My

mom passed, so that was not long ago. Yeah, she she had died. She was home her heart she had a heart attack and we didn't even know for like three days. She lived, you know, by herself in Oakland. And you know, I was actually on a beach and my sister was like, I'm trying to reach mine. You talked to my mom? I was like, no, that's weird. She didn't, cause she said she hadn't called anybody in a couple of days. I'm like, no, telling my mom was doing? You know, I don't know. And turns out

my mother was there dead for days. So UM, that was in my son. That happened in UM. I went through two divorces, So heartbreak, heartbreak. I'm no stranger to heartbreak and shock. And so it's here I stand, like, how do you still stand? How do you still get dressed? How do you still um take care of your other children? How do you still take care of your business? How do you start a new business? How do you keep flourishing despite of all the things that have happened When

your mom died and you were on a beach. Where were you? I was named Willa, same place I was with my son. You you try. She has struck oftentimes when you were in a state, in a beautiful state of celebration, where you were having fun. Uh, the same thing happened to you. You came you had a near death experience yourself in Brazil. Explain what happened there. Oh, man, I forgot about that. Man, you're right, like today, I didn't forget about it, but until you said it, I'm like,

you're right. That's another thing that happened. I was in Brazil, Um when I was married. It was hard being married to a celebrity, you know. Like I said, I was not meant for being in front of the camera. So being put in front of the camera, in front of everybody, UM put me on a lot of pressure, a lot of scrutiny, a lot of negative stuff was said about me. And and then also this was a sex symbol, you know, so there was a lot of women that came along

with that package that I didn't like that. I didn't quite sign up for that part of the deal. And so I went to Brazil. I was mad one time. It was my sister, my nanny my name was from Brazil, and my assistant and he was in Vegas, you know, having a good time, and I said, you know what, let's go to Let's go to Brazil. We're gonna take Jenny to see her kids and we're gonna go kick it. We're gonna lay out on the beach and just do us. And that was my nanny. That was my nanny, and

it was her. She was sad. It was her son's birthday and she was always helping me take care of my kids. I said, let's go, let's go, We're out, and so we packed up and went went down in Brazil. And while I was there, I start seeing those people walk by, the little bathe and suits. I said, well, let me need some of this body's situation. So I was like, I'm gonna have lapel suction while I'm here. IM gonna give my stomach all flat. I'm gonna come back cute. I'm gonna be ready. I'm gonna show him.

And why did I do that? He had to come to Brazil. I um. I went under anesthesia with anesthesiologists, and when the cardiac arrest, my heart went crazy. I don't know if they gave me something that I wasn't supposed to have. Um, but um, I followed all the instructions. I didn't eat after midnight, and my blood work was fine. They still don't exactly know what happened, but yeah, I want the cardiac arrest. And the doctor hadn't even entered

the room yet. It was me and the anesthesiologist. Does it scare you that they never found out what the source was? Well, you know, I went I went to other cardiologists in the States and they just said, you know, they thought it was probably some bad uh whatever the anesthesia was. Yeah, it probably wasn't the right whatever. I probably had allergic reaction. So I won't be doing anything like that again. Yeah, I'm good on that. No more

going to sleep, I'll say that right right. Do you have a warning for the other young ladies out there who have anse surgeries? I see them all the time. I just saw something where all these ladies were getting like these butt lifts and going on the wheelchairs in the airport. But I'm like, okay, ladies, you'd be dead to the bed like I was. I was. I'm telling you, I'm lucky to be here dead bid over beauty. Yeah.

The thing is is that, like I think with a lot of men, you know, we have an issue with business. The reason but it is by the way, see, and that's what I was about to say. I'm glad you said it, so I don't have to say, y'all blame us for we gotta have these issues with these these these surgeries or whatever. If something happens or whatever, come out the form, that's something we get the blame right

the form. You know. I'm saying like that as some women that have some women that go out and get the b B L. It's called b bl B. What do they call it, Brazilian butler and button left right, So the women that go out and get that lift and then they get the trip. Yeah, me too, because it often doesn't lift it. But yeah, so when it goes bad, it really goes bad. Right Oftentimes I've seen a woman who had like a half a button. You know, it's just it's just everything just kind of like it

went away. The round part just went away, and it was like he could take it off and you know, and people were like, uh, people were like you know, hey, you know, just go natural. Like a lot of guys. What I want women to understand is that guys, many guys do like the big butt or whatever, but they want it natural. They wanted to be natural, not stuff. Well, so I wasn't getting that, by the way, let me just for the record, I was not getting any additional

but there, That's never been a problem. What I was concerned about. I had just had two children. I did them back to back. Yeah, I know I wanted to I wanted light bulb. I was just getting because I was still slim. I've gained like twenty pounds since those days because I was, you know, ten twelve years ago when this happened. Um, I just wanted to be skinny as I used to be. I wanted my waist smart

on that I wanted to snatch a little waist. So I was like, take all this little food pop off and take the waist in and let me have the flat, little tiny waist. I'm more obsessed with that than anything else. I've always had boobs and all that kind of stuff, like, well, why why do women check this out to me? Because why do women uh get the surgery or whatever, and and then they say, well, I'm doing this for me I'm working out for me. They say, I'm doing this

for me. But then when something goes wrong, they say, well, if guys wouldn't be doing it, and if they didn't like it, then you know, we wouldn't be doing this stuff, and we wouldn't have girls out here objectifying themselves and stuff. It's like, how do you blame a man for hold on, how do you blame a man for like objectifying you

when you objectify yourself. I'm not saying you personally, but I'm just saying in general, Like I keep I hear these stories, it's like men have no problem owning their ship. I do believe. I think it's I think it's common knowledge that men would just be like, okay, uh yeah, I'm a dog mental sage. What I'm saying in general in general, For years, women have called men dogs, and men don't put up too much of a fight trying to uh, you know, protested. They don't put too much

a fight up trying to protested it. But you know, if a woman is out being loose, you know, act like a slut or whatever, you know, she don't she don't own it. She'll say that, well, men do it, and and but men. Men. I think. I think men oftentimes will more often than not own their ship. And you know, and I know I'm getting in trouble right now. I know I'm getting in trouble right No, no, no, but let me say this. Men don't own it because you see, the biggest problem with all men, I'll get

myself in trouble. The biggest problem with all men or for me, it is just the honesty factor. There is nothing more attractive. I don't care how dirty, dirty, damn dog you are. Tell the truth. There's something just sexy about a man saying, look, you ain't the only one. And I love Genie over here because whatever reason. So then you can make an informed decision like okay, he told me about her, so I can accept it or not. So we have a problem when they lie when you

because I love you. That lie is horrid. The lie is so it's so weak. It's so I'm from Oakland. That's the other thing. I'm from Oakland. So we like men that are gs in that sense, like you own your stuff. It's boss to tell the truth. I don't know it's sexy. You'd be looking at him like do I stay with him or not? Damn he told me. But I like him. That makes you like but that lion make him a little weasel, just lying ass, hate

a liar. I think that oftentimes I'm gonna get in trouble again, but I gotta say it's it's important that I say this. I do believe tell the truth and shame the devil. I do believe that women will say most women will say that they want. Oh, I ain't gonna say most, because I don't know most. Onom I was just saying, I've heard a lot of women say that they want to hear the truth. But when a man tells the truth, he seems to not get as much out of a woman. And I'm not one of

those guys that I'm talking about right now. I'm I'm more honest because I believe like it's less of a headache, you know. So I believe in just being transparent with a woman. And that's why I told you that way. When you start getting your feelings about something whatever, you can't be started thinking like, Okay, I'm gonna get his ass back, you know, you know, like, no, he was up he was up front, and most guys are not that way. But when a guy lies he seems to

get a lot further. Oftentimes if he's trying to like just have sex with a woman or whatever, and he said, yeah, I want to be with you exclusively what or whatever, and then you know, he might get some action out of that if he tells the truth and say no, I'm just trying to kno, get back out for the night, and I'm out of this bitch, you know, su away from me younger. It depends also, let me say this, it depends on the age of the girl. Okay, age does.

Age does have a lot to do with Heck yeah, because when I was younger, my tolerance and what I wanted to hear was different than what I want to hear, you know now, So I don't understand. And also I do not understand the generation behind me. I'm worried about the generation behind me because they're having children, and I'm worried about these kids. I'm worried about just everything. I'm

worried about our whole. So the generation behind me, the girls that are younger in the thirties and late twenties and all that, that's a real lost generation. But if they're lost, in order for something had to be lost, somebody has to misplace it. Who miss who? Who's so? Who misplaced it? Who misplaced the generation? If they're lost my generation, whose fault is that? So? So it's so, it's incombindent on us to get it back. If we lost them, we got to go back and find them.

You exactly right, that's funny, that's interesting. Um, that's exactly and it is. It's my generation. Because I'm fifty, all right, so my son is thirty. I can only speak for the sons I've had. You know, my my boys are. They're great. I'm not worried about them in terms of the way that I reared them. Um, the things that I instill in them. I always tell my friends, I'm

a real fussy mom. I'm in they're like, man, they can't hear, like this little gnat in their ear because I'm always worried that if something happens, if something should happen to me. Can they make it on their own? Would they be all right? Do they understand how to make money? Do they know how to save money? Do they not to clean their kitchen? Do they not to make a bed properly? Can they do laundry? Do they

not a talk? To people do they're not an enter a room, take their shoes off at the door, like, but that's me. But I'm only one, so I don't know what's happening with the rest. I'm worried about the ones that had these girls. I think girls need so much help because the girl men follow the women. Men do what they do for the women. So we could fix the girl. I had a foundation called Lost Ones, the Lost Ones Found. I had it until my son passed away, Kyle. Um. Now I have Kyle's world, which

is for him. But Lost Ones. I mentored girls because I feel like if we can get the girls in order and slow them down and get them to stop working so much and had them put a little bit more clothes on and take the purple hair off, I think we can get the girls in order. The men will follow. Oh absolutely, the men are gonna are gonna follow. They will follow. The men will follow. And I'm a

backtrack a little bit. You know when I was talking about how women will, women will make certain mistakes or whatever, do certain stupid stuff, and then they always say, well if the men, you try to put it on the man right, Well, men? Uh, men does a lot of stupid stuff. They even risk their lives to impress women to try to get to that money and stuff, all to impress women. Even sometimes uh, fighting in clubs or whatever, trying to impress a woman, getting caught up in their

feelings again, trying to impress women. They end up taking penitentiary chance, it's going to pin forty years, Uh, getting caught up, getting killed, all kinds of things, and all of this is to impress women. And that is why when men walk around with their pants hanging off their asks and he draws sean booty kracko. Uh, if women would check them, they I'm talking about the men who are interested in women. If women would check them, that

ship would be over like this. Let me tell you the greatest wars of our time, all the way back to the Romans. Every war you've seen have been over two things, one of two things. Back then they called it land, which is money or oil whatever, or a woman your money is sex. That's it. That's it. If you look at every war, everything from you know, and if you look at everything historically from the hundred's the first fights in the world has been over love or money.

That's it. That's it. That's why. I know the women can fix this. So so how do we resolve that conflict? The girls gotta the girls gotta tighten up. The girls have to look at um, what type of what type of woman? You've gotta become a little more virtuous. That's what the women have to do. They have to get it together. They got to cover up a little bit and you know, look at themselves more as a prize and and and make it a little bit leave some

mystique to it instead of putting everything out there. Here's the thing, I'm just one person. I'm old though I don't care. Don'tbody listening to me. And that's what they're gonna hit you with the online that's what they're gonna come at you with. But y'all want what I got, So go there, listen. Do you want what I gotta want? What I had? You want something I've been there, done that. You guys are trying to get here. So I want the young girls to listen because I'm not even trying

to catch them anymore. I'm telling you, I let the young girls do what they do. I just I try to stay at their business. Stuff happens on social media. I just be at home, Like, God, I want to comment so bad my kids be like, get off of social media, quick talking, getting people grown, folks business. I look at all these little people running out here with all this stuff on and strings covering up and the

privates out and on red carpet showing half that. I'm like, God, I think that it's going to take I don't know. I think it's going to take the bravery. It's going to take the bravery of more women like you who have been that, done that, who they look up to, who they aspired to be. But it's also gonna take their peers. It's gonna take some some of the peers gonna have to be brave enough to say this ain't cool, that ain't cool. They got to be brave enough to

speak out. Because when I was growing up, it always had like one thing that I know about human beings is that two damn foods ain't gonna make it. Somebody got to have some sense. Somebody got to have some sense, you know. And and growing up early on, I was the damn food. So my buddy was my want, my my homeboy. He had a little bit more sense, Ron had a little bit more sense than I did. He could talk to me off the ledge, but I was on,

go go go go. Yeah, well it's gonna always be in me now because I and I and I, And I'm okay with that, you know, because I think that you gotta have that in you to survive in this type of world we're living in, because people, people will take your kind this for weakness, and so they that threat must always exist otherwise they will walk over you. People.

Some people sit back and just wait for you to start reclining, like yeah, I'm done, I'm retired, and and now okay, yeah, I mean I remember early on when I started making money, I was like, man, you know, I gotta I gotta I got chilled. I gotta fall back, you know. And uh, I realized that, Okay, they think he's on tour, he's making records, living up, living fancy. He ain't worried about what's going on right here in the water, what's going on and on the north side

or the south side or whatever. He ain't worried about what we do to this people or whatever. And then you know, I had to you know, slide back in, spankle the last and get back right and say hey, you know, yeah, you know, it's it's gonna and I had I had to realize that, you know what, these foods ain't gonna let you retire. They're not gonna let me retire you because the moment I do, they're going to take that kindness for weakness. They're gonna think that

it's sweet. So I realized that, Okay, I gotta stay active, but I had to change my method. You understand what I'm saying, you know, like anyway, let's move all. Yeah. So I want to know how has your rearing of your kids that you have remaining, uh changed? Are you stricter stricter now that you know since Kyle's passing? Are you hard on them? Do you think they probably think so? Um, I'm not harder. I'm not harder. I'm probably softer. But

I am a bit of a helicopter mom, you know. Um, I am a little more intuitive, and I also am more intentional with the time I spend with them. I make sure none of them ever leave my president. It's without knowing that I loved them, and I probably am a little more um chatty you know what I mean? I mean there. I remember on Thursday, I was driving my son to school and um little ushers. He looked at me. He was like, I'm telling dad that we gotta get um, we gotta ride the bus. We cannot

do this every day with you. We cannot. You know, I can't do this no more my sons and eighth grade because I'm like in his ear, like when you want these teachers to think about you, I got a note from your cheacher. I'm just fussing, fussing, fussing all the way to school with and put some motion on your face. And why would you set up when you're in class? Do you slump like that that? He was just looking at me, like you can't be fussed as much at seven morton. Um, I think I'm just always

I'm teaching, teaching, teaching. I don't know why I feel because I think I am a little anxious about time, Like I don't know how much time I have. I think one thing about losing Kyle. Um. I just feel like I don't know. I feel like I'm running out of time, don't That's the only thing I do have to um, kind of relax a little bit about I feel like there's not time. I just think that you got to do it. So when I have the urge to travel. I travel when I have the urge to,

um love on my kids. I'll say, hey, we're not going to school today, We're going to Disneyland. Like I'll make a decision, like we out or you know what, it's a beautiful day, Let's get on a jet and go to such as if I can afford it, you know, at the time. But I try to do as much. Um. I'm more spontaneous than I was and and I'm very intentional with my kids. Yeah, for sure, is your household of the household that all the kids want to come over? They hated No, not fun. I don't have no pets.

It's just too clean. I'm a little O. C D. My house is like clean clean. But you seem like the you. You seem like the you know, the the the carrying type, but kind of fun. Fun. First of all, I love music. So any household that has a lot of music, it's always more fun. So music is in my house. You're gonna have music. And in fact, when you ordered my book, I have a playlist that comes with the book. That's how much I mean. I'm so

in the music. My father was a musician. Yeah, my father was in a group, an old group called the Ballots, and used to perform everywhere. They opened for all the you know, the Whispers and all of them. They kind of put the Whispers on. Yes in Oakland when the Whispers came to the it is John Foster, and there's a group called the Ballots. In fact, guess what Wu Tang sample my dad's song. One of his songs on the Wu Tang album, a song called Conditioner with Snoop Dogg.

That's my dad's song, Dizzy World. My dad was in a group called the Ballots. He was in a movie called The Mac. You've heard of the Mac, of course, my dad, that's what that was shot in No, Oakland, for sure. I hate to see for sure. Eighteen siblings, so do you? John Earl Foster's my daddy. How many baby moms did your dad have? Eighteen? No, he had fourteen, fifteen. I mean, there's a couple of questionable kids that I'm kind of like, we need some DNA, we need to

do a little swab. He like they're too old. It don't matter. It's like, so I'm looking John Foster, John Foster, and I got an Italian singer. Um look at the ballots to this group called the ballots LLL A d S. The ballots. Picture of them in my book. There's a picture in my book. Did they Did they do a lot of rehearsing at your house? Um? You know growing up. Let's see dope, man, please, I used to go to all the rehearsals. Yeah. Well I'll check it out later.

But anyway, who out of all of these people that you have styled for, he's back with you. He's back with the things. Okay, they'll bring it in, he said, he's out there. You don't know which one to come into. Okay, hazard him till we can stop for a second. Oh okay, you have two things going on. Can we cut for a second. Okay, sorry, cut, Okay, you gotta go get that. Grabbed the book from the guy he has him? Oh there he Hasn't you have the book? Oh you want

to grab them? Okay? So one second, So you said b A L l A d S. Yeah, what how is that possible? Did you put the balance at least you don't see the group? That's it, right, that is right. Just put in the ballots and then you'll see. I'll show you a picture him. My daddy, my papa. They sampled a song named pam Ooh daddy. He's the picture of his group. And my dad is a light skinning, real handsome guy. You like my first son's father. You look like him. Yes, it's very weird. Actually, do you

like it? I shot that it was funny. I took that picture in BALI no intentions on it, uh, becoming a book, had no idea that, And I didn't have a stylist or makeup artist nothing. I did that myself. So which one of these guys? Let me see? How do you know? The mess? He's a mess, that's why. Yeah, my dad is my favorite guy. There's nobody dopers and this guy. That guy is and he's still alive. Wait, no, this gets worse. Look at him there on the corner.

Mm hmm. Yeah, here's what you call a hot mess. Okay, Uh, do you all remember when we stopped that? Yes, we're talking about my dad. I'm talking about where we stopped. I know we was talking about him, but I'm saying, you know what we say? What a stop? Was that one? You know? I'm talking like what we were talking about? What was the subject? No, we know what the subject? What I'm saying, like, what what do we What did I say last? You said? Kids? Him being in the Mac?

I think I said, you know what the Mac is? Uma? Kids? Yeah, roll back because I don't want to miss this up. I don't want to make the Hattittes jumping and stuff. So roll back to the end, like like maybe fifteen seconds before it ended. Okay, yeah, so let's just let's just start start what the audience all right, let's go. So we're gonna jump back in to your father piece. Um so see you said, um, actually, what's your father Mac? My father was definitely a Mac. Are we ready? Okay?

Here we go? Okay, okay, where's your father Mac? I think you know, he was in the movie The Mac, and uh, I think he really took this thing literally. So I think i'd like to say, yes, you a lot of children, a lot of a lot of women. But you know one thing I'll say about my father, Um, he's eighty years old now, so maybe he hung up his he retired his pimp cup, But but every woman in his life still loves him, the ones that are alive, you know, Um, I don't think he mistreated anyone truthfully,

They really love him. And they have adoration for him, every woman, including you. I adore your dad, please. Yeah, but I noticed I gravitate to the same types of guys in terms of woman visors and men with many women. I don't go for the cornballs. I can't. My cornball meter is like so high. I don't think I'm gonna track this. And the reason being the reason being three, I don't know, because of my father treated me really well. He was he was a good dad. I had a

good dad. Despite his I would he probably wasn't a good husband or a good boyfriend to those ladies, but he was a good dad to me. Right. Yeah, But we find a lot in society that women will whatever the dad is, they will gravitate towards that same kind of guy. And when when dad is a bad guy, he has certain flaws or whatever, if he treats you well, if it however he treats you, especially if that's love. Like in your situation, you felt loved, but you you

you find out dad was Papa was rolling stone. So it's like even though you hated that part of him, you still gravitated towards him because you saw that that part came with the love. So when you're dating these type of guys and then they showed that same type of energy or whatever you equate that with the full package of being loved. I think you're right. You know. I've never thought of it that way, and I've always wondered why I kind of like the cool guy and

the popular guys. And I think I think you're probably right. Because at the same time that my father was rolling stone, he also made a mean pot of chili cook He taught me how to make shrimp fried rice. He's not Asian. Um Um. He made the swords from my school play. He took me to school. He you know, he was very very was a doting father, but he was all over the place. He also took me to meet all my siblings, and my mother didn't know about it. I

talked about all this in my book. I can't wait, And here I stand in a beautiful state, a beautiful state. That's it. How can they go by your your your book? How can they get it? Um? It's available on Tamika Raymond dot com. That's my personal website. It is going to be added to Amazon like in the next couple of days. I was hesitant about ever putting it on Amazon, but I realized I'm like being antiquated by not having it on there. So did you do an audio version?

I've started. I have five chapters done. Oh it's so hard doing an audio book. It's hard anything because you gotta make it not sound. I didn't want to sound monotone has to have you know, different levels and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, this is this is uh and a great cover. I hadn't had a chance to read it yet, but great cover. And you were saying something about the cover about how it came to be. Yeah,

that I went to Bali. I travel. Travel has helped me with my recovery over just all the different things, like you know, the losses and divorced to this, to that. Um so I traveled. I went to Bali actually for Kyle what would have been Kyle's eighteenth birthday. I went to Bali and I decided to hire a photographer. And that picture was just in my hotel suite, um and uboo Bali. Yeah, I didn't have a makeup partners. I did it myself and did my hair. That was me lounging.

And you said you had to find a picture of your standing. Yeah, because all the pictures I was sitting down and lounging in the room, and then I've had to find one that was a decent one that that's just a good cover picture. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful, hundred dollar photo shoot right there. But you're a beautiful person with a more beautiful spirit. Thank you. I appreciate that. Final question, with all of the lost pain, the divorce, if there's a civil lining in your life, where do

you think it is? Mm hmm A good question. I think you know. I have a lot more to do. I think that there's a reason why God spared me when I almost died in Brazil. I think there's a reason why he as much as I've tried to go crazy and been accused of being crazy, that my brain won't even let me go crazy. My brain unscrambles, I don't have time to go crazy. As soon as I try later and say I'm going crazy today, is it checking out? Get to check figure it out, my brain says, girl,

get up, you gotta take those kids. What You've got things to do. So I think the silver lining is that God has kept me sane, He's kept me healthy at COVID. I mean I'm fine. I you know, I just think I'm very blessed. There's a lot of bad things that have happened in my life, but overall, I wouldn't want a different life, you know. Overall I love my life. I love I love myself. I love my life, I love my children. I still have my Kyle in my spirit of my heart. Um, I love him. So

I think life is good despite the bad things. Yes, there's in gentleman to make a foster. Raymond, thank you so much for having them. So awesome. What a good interview. Beautiful a thank you. This episode was produced by a King and brought to you by The Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Radio.