Vanessa and Miles Adcox

make this insane power couple. They are so tuned into themselves and they've done so much work on themselves personally that they now together are so strong and it's so inspiring to hear their stories individually. Vanessa is an actress. She lived in l A. She comes from a big entertainment family. Miles grew I'm a pretty sure you grew up in National. I think he's a National native. But he threw a series of careers, found himself wanting so much more, and so he started this this on site clinic,

and it's amazing. So many people have gone there just to work on themselves, get to the root of their real problems. That is what Vanessa and Miles are all about. They're about getting to the root of who they are. They're real problems, so then they can fix that and then go on to change the world with their beautiful whole self. Be prepared to be inspired. This is such a great interview. I cannot stress it enough. It is

such a great interview, especially for couples. You need to hear what they have to say because they do not claim to be perfect. They just claimed to be getting in there and getting real and dealing with it in healthy ways. So get excited. Here's en S and Miles. Okay, hey, hey, hey, I'm here with the ad Coxes. Ad Coxes, you guys are probably one of the most um inspiring couples. I would have to say. You guys are both so incredible on your own right, but together you are this force,

like this power for this force of nature. So I need to break down first off, who you guys are. This is Vanessa and this is Miles, and you guys are both influencers in your own right, but together y'all, like I said, our power couple. Miles, tell me a little bit about what you do, because you have an incredible organization that you've been doing for a long time with in the music industry. But also it's on Dr Phil. I was like checking out your own doctor Phil and

all sorts of TV shows heal in the world. I don't know about that. We're doing the best we can. But yeah, we've got I've got a company called on Site, and we're an emotional wellness lifestyle brand and we deliver a lot of personal growth content. But we also offer a whole series of personal growth workshops, therapeutic workshops, and I've got a long term residential program too. But when I say a personal growth I know that's kind of lie.

But it's it's pretty diverse and it's offering. It can be people stuck in struggling or people that just want to raise their EQ or just be emotionally in a better spot, or become a better parent, better friend, better leader, all that stuff. So how does one get into that business? Because I feel like I would be your great candidate. I have been. I need all the emotional workshops I could get. I've been till my head about thirty five. I was like, I lived in therapy basically, so I

would be your perfect client. How does one start a business like that? Well, for me, I got into it through the lens of my own experience. Uh was in the wrong career had quite a bit of success in it. What was what career was it? I was in the sports industry, and so I was on the business side of sports media, selling media and broadcasting and all that, and it was it was fun and it was what I thought I was always supposed to do. But really I did it because it was the only imprint that

I had. I grew up as a kind of a man's man in a small southern town and if you didn't hunt, fish and play sports and you weren't really a man. And so yeah, totally, that's the that's the norm for what a lot of minute. You did a post about that the other day when you said a man should be vulnerable. It was like a long post and I read the whole thing. I was like, what were you saying? And that basically, like a man should be able to be vulnerable, like to not have to

be so strong. It was a good one. It was the one that you had a lot of guys reach out to that. That's nice that like a man would say that about being a man. Well, I've learned it the hard way because it's not necessarily that men should be vulnerable. It's just that vulnerability is part of the human condition and that men are not exempt from that. But culturally, we've men have this perception that we're supposed to be hard and have this exterior and that vulnerability

is weakness, and it's absolutely backwards and and wrong. So it took a lot of emotional pain. And you said you spent a lot of time in therapy atitu that's what we're all healthy. Yeah, yeah, I was so healthy. Honestly, I'll speak to that, I think therapally and I know

we're joking, but I think it is completely misbranded. I think it's set up in a way that this is where you go when you're broken, and it's actually it's not what's wrong with you that you would try to rewrite your narrative and become a better version of yourself. It's always right with you. And I think the world starting to wake up to that. But I think everybody

needs a good dose of it. Back to what you said, there wasn't a lot of artistic influence or music programs, and I didn't even know that that kind of soft side of me could exist and uh or creative side, i should say, and I didn't discover it until well into my twenties and when I realized that I had a bit of an identity crisis because I was on this one track, but I had interest in others and just didn't allow myself permission to be who I truly was,

which led to depression, anxiety, and some of the stuff that followed. I was just disconnected from from my body. So that landed me into some painful experiences, but it also gave me a lights coming on opportunity. So I kind of the right people came around me at the right time, and I just fell in love with the change process and I knew I was going to do it for a living us right away. And I didn't know how, but I thought, I've got to kind of

find a way to be a part of people's change processes. Yeah, Pattridge, So then how did you decided to start a clinic? And tell me what on site even is. So we've got about a seventy five acre retreat center west of Nashville. Seventy five acre. We've got a seventy bed retreat center on about two acres western Nashville. It's it's beautiful. You've got to come out and see yourself. I want to do the whole session with my husband. I feel like we're in a great place. I love my husband so much.

Vanessa and I were talking like we talked about we'll get down into the nitty gritty, but to have tools therapy is what helped us move forward in our marriage in such a positive way because we've identified tools to communicate with each other and that you don't have to like freak out and like lose your mind. You can Okay, So this is triggering this because of this, So I would love to do that. Yeah, yeah, I would love to have you. I think you would love it. But

it Uh. I worked in the crisis space for a while, so when I got first got into it, I got trained and certified and doing interventions, which is what got me into the entertainment community. Not everywhere there's quite a bit of it. There is, probably, and I was in Nashville. There wasn't a lot of intermigenus to Nashville, so I would get the calls when some one was struggling with addiction or the just the wheels were falling off with this, and I liked it. There were parts of it I

was good at. In parts of it, I just it wasn't for me, and I learned that after doing it for a little while. But I knew I wanted to be in the space. And then I went to work in kind of the treatment space, and I worked treatment meaning residential long term care, and that was almost It was amazing, and I so honor a lot of my colleagues and friends that still have programs and do those, but it felt limiting to who would have access to it.

And in other words, it's pretty predictable. You know, somebody crashes out with addiction or mental health, they come into an impatient setting, You do the best you can with them in thirty days and try to send them back out in the world. And I thought, that's great for

that population, what about the rest of us? And so I long dreamed of a place that had a bigger mission and a wider door for all of us to be able to walk through whether we think we're stuck, struggling or not, so we can kind of came up with the workshop or seminar model, which I would I didn't ponteer it. I actually bought a company that was pre existing and doing some of it, and then since then we've innovated and helped recreate a lot of content and now that's on site today. Okay, so how does

this make for marriage? Because you guys, first off, tell me your story vs. I was telling me a little bit about y'alls love story, which is, can you give us a little brief summary of how you met? Because it was almost kind of love at first sight for you guys, and you weren't intentionally trying to go to date fall in love. So I want to know how you guys meant and then how you guys, with this healthy framework that y'all have in place, how do you

apply it to marriage. It's so funny because, like I was telling you, the when you're when you're when you do something like that for a living, it's not like you have all the tools. I mean you have them, but it's hard to in the middle of something. Um. But he's been really helpful with helping me with some of my stuff Toobviously, I've got a therapy before, and I've done the program on an on site. It's phenomenal. Um. But No, to answer your question, we met, I was visiting.

I'm from Los Angeles originally an actress. An actress, been acting since most twelve you know, I was really into it. I was on a soap opera back in the day, which one I was on, The Young and the Restless. Heck, yeah, that's like the soap opera of Also, if you want to one, if you want to be on one, that might be the one you might want to be honest, And you are in movies Shark tell the Shark movie. Oh yeah, that's where I got you too. Yes, I've done.

I've done about your movies, but mostly like Christmas movies, Hallmark, you kind of not all great fun movies. But then I did do a movie called sand Sharks with a friend, a girl who became a friend of mine, and she decided to move out to Nashville to do music. And this is Brookean, Yeah, the whole daughter. But she's in her own right. Yeah, she's wonderful, she's awesome. I thank her for the reason. I mean, I wouldn't probably have met Miles. Well I might have met him a different way.

But she asked me to come out here to visit her for her birthday when she had just moved here, and I was kind of on the fence about it, and I finally she actually bought me my plane ticket because I wasn't coming. I'm like, I'm not going to Nashville. I have no desire to go to Nashville. Yeah no, And this is before Nashville had any good restaurants. So I thought, you know, I'm not I'm not going to come out there. But she ended up by me ticket. I came out and we were at a We were

at a restaurant. Unless our parents are asking, it was, it's actually really a bar restaurant. Yeah, we were at the bar. But most love stories started at the bar. Yeah, I mean the best one best just relationships at the bar. She'd be best bar relationship. So yeah, so we Uh, I was at the We were at the tavern in Nashville, and I was sitting at the bar with her with Brooke, and we had seen Miles when we walked in. Were you like, oh that I want to I want to

get to know that guy. I really wasn't. I don't know why I think. I mean, I saw him. I thought he was so cute. I was like, oh, ye had a flannel on and it was weird, and ianals are so cute. They're now from l But now I love flannels. I can't buy I can't buy him enough flannels. Now. Yeah, he's trying to move away now from the flannels, and

I'm like, here's another flannel. But so so I did see him and then he I would let him take over the story because he tells the story so much better than me, because it's actually is a purpose behind it. So so all right, so I'll tell I'll tell the bravery love birds. I'll tell the abbreviated version. That's the first time we've ever done anything like really exciting. Thanks you guys, y'all just getting married all over again. If you know who we will, Yes, I will ordain a

merry look. Yeah, the cute is okay, So tell your love story. Let's okay. So I had just come back from a speaking gig and I was actually overseason. So I had a long flight from London and was watching movies and I watched the movie because we bought a zoo. You know, yeah, you know that one. Okay, so um, A lot of men would not because it's kind of a chick flig, but that's when I love watching chick

flits on long planes. But I uh, there is a theme in that movie where it's Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. And but Scarlett was who he met after his wife had passed, Remember his first wife, He met her and all you need is twenty seconds of courage, and I will change your life. Remember that, Yes, that is so true.

To it's true. Then for me, I contend to be I think it's funny that a lot of people would think that because of the space that we're in where this picture of emotional health and we're actually a hot mess most days. To see. I think being a picture of emotional health is admitting that you're a hot mess, you know, because you're not going to avoid the human condition,

especially when you're combining life of someone. Okay, go ahead, Well there was a there was a gift in a burden of learning how to analyze yourself in your process, because you can become over analytical. And it tripped me up for years because I had this. I dreamed of being married and having a family, and obviously the dream we all have a lot of people have, and but but I had it as perfect, which doesn't exist. But

it was just unconscious. So I would either get in a bad relationship or I would get in one that wasn't perfect, and I just I struggled relationally for a while, which, honestly, when you're the face of a place that teaches people how to do healthy relationship, that's tough. Seriously, we're like, why why can't you work out? Our relationships just supposed

to be the relationship I can help you. And finally, you know, I kind of surrendered to the idea that the tools that we sometimes have when we're really intimacy and up close in our own process, they go out the window and we just have to sometimes go with their instinct, their heart, our gut, and sometimes the bigger picture to help us navigate that. That's what happened in this case. That little simple phrase, with all the therapeutic jargon I know about how to take emotional risk and

commit all that ship with another one. And I had one little phrases twenty seconds of courage, and I thought, you know what, And so I see her, But you see Vanessa, When you see Vanessa, what do you think when you Well, I wasn't in I wasn't in a great space. I just come out of relationship and I was like, I'm gonna give this some time. I'm not gonna date. I was so you guys are an identical situation. I'll tell you how sad I was. I was actually

out with the intern. It was like, oh, so you were like you were like dying for who wasn't my idea. But she I think she kind of felt sorry for me, and she's like, you should go out. So but I did and she actually turned into a great friend. She's she's been great. But I was out with the intern sol Vanessa, and I was like, she's beautiful. She stunningly beautiful. I saw her from across the room. She was sitting at the bar with Brooke and I typically, historically have

never approached. I just don't do that, um, you know, to hit on somebody, because I just don't have much game. I'm kind of clumsy. So I was all right, um, this is where I would just acknowledge that and move on. But I thought, you need twenty seconds occur. What is your yeah, yes, what's the worst that could happen? Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? Well, in those twenty seconds of courage, it feels like the end of the world because you get rejected. I can throw my drink

in your face like they do in the movies. Yeah, So I went for it. So I started walking towards her. Oh God, and you felt that would have been the best hard and love. So I got from like me to you and I pan it on the inside and I was like exit stage laft. I was like, get out of here because I didn't know what I was gonna say. But now, but now that you see him

approaching in the panic, I can see it like you're happening. Okay, Well I got that close without having any line or anything like this is not a good plan stressing for you right now. I feel like I was just getting ready to pull out, like like dark like the minute I got to when I was about to pull out, she pulled up her camera to take a selfie. Thank you Jesus did say that. I'm not Jesus. I think I thank God, but you are too. And I just reached and grabbed it and I said, can I take

that picture? Stop? That was well, that was that was the movie universe was helping you out. So I took the picture. It started in a conversation. One cool thing something we do it on site a lot of people that have been their nose. We asked people not to reveal their profession, the whole town. They're there, which is very cool because people and so it's a thing that is kind of pretty special as part of our process, but I've never really practiced it outside of it unconsciously.

We didn't try, but we talked for an hour and neither of us ever mentioned what the other did for a living. Stop cool is that? So did you know right away when you were chatting with them? Oh? Yes, well I didn't, Okay, So in that moment, I was just thinking it was like building inside. I was like, oh my gosh, oh boy, here I go. Oh no, oh no, And I'm falling careful and love this quick because that's possible. I mean, I started me these thoughts. Um. Yeah,

at the restaurant, I was definitely into him. And then but then I thought, yeah, I was really well. I was glad at the psychic that I met with months before told me that I would be in the South a lot. I thought she was full of it. Now I know what, I'll send anyone to her now. Um, But anyway, yes, I know she was great. But so though I was, I was, I did think he was wonderful, but I was like, I've got to go back to

l A. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. I put the brakes on the feelings and you're like hardcore pursuing movies and I was pursuing it and I was in it, and I'm just like, I'm an actor, a guy like life is in l A. You know, it's not really I'm not like Scarlett JR. Hansen, So l A wouldn't miss me too much. One movie away is so true. But but no. So he he was very um, he was very charming. And what got me actually was the next morning he called me in the morning, not text me.

He called. He picked up the phone, dialed my number and he was like, hey, sunce On, that's a horrible access Sunshine, and he called the Sunshine and I literally almost dropped the phone. I was like, he just called me, Sunshine, Like this guy is my husband or he's the biggest con artist and totally well. I definitely thought that for a minute. So then I thought, oh my gosh, I

don't know anything about him. I've got to like look into this guy, like what if he's like, you know, he could be a serial kid's way too good to be true. He's real slick and cute, and just like that smiling. You're a little slick, but like in a good he thought he was gonna like flub it. But yeah, in your mind, it's like he's got all the moves. Yeah, I love then he definitely. But then that night he we uh he we met up again and he came to the birthday party. Was the next time, Yeah, it

was the next night after he called you. That morning he called me and we invited him to the to the whatever it was. So we we ended up hanging out again, and I that's when I sent that text to my mom that said I think I'm sitting next to my future husband. And we took a picture. And then the third day, Yeah, he didn't see it till our wedding day. Yeah, my mom framed it and it

was really sweet. And then the third day, the third day, he was leaving to go out of town again and I was leaving back to Los Angeles and we had our first proper date at the airport. And I'll never forget that. Yeah, the guy when we were going through security thought we were married for years. He said something to us on and forget that, and uh yeah, and so and then we had a long, long distance for a long time. I was gonna say this is only part.

This is just the beginning of the last. Nobody probably cares about the whole thing, and they do need the whole picture, which is it was. It was a four to him for you, it was almost a five year well for Jerny. That was tough and we I wouldn't trade a second of it because we got to know each other so intimately, the hard parts and the good

parts throughout that relationship. And but it was we thought geography was going to get the best of us at one point, because yeah, we used to have conversations while we were together about how this isn't gonna work because of our looks. We broke up a couple of times, I think maybe twice. And then it was interesting that both of us I would say, hey, add somewhat of a spiritual awakening individually, like solo journeys, like what happened?

How did the spiritual wakening happen? And what did you learn? Surrender? That has been if I have ever learned one thing, I remember the first time I ever experienced surrendering, and it is the most liberating feeling because you realize, why are you even trying to control it anyway, right, true, Yeah, because you have no control if it's gonna, if it's meant to be, it'll be. It's Surrendering to love is a whole other balt Wax and surrendering to your own

personal journey. I feel like, because like we were sort of talking about this earlier, loving someone you have there's so many there's so many things you have to do to love someone. You have to get so far outside of yourself, even if you love them, even if you and we knew we loved each other. But I think, and I've always I always tell this to my friends or anyone who's like looking for love or I'm a total I guess I learned from on site. I'm a love I'm a love addict. I'm not a sex addict.

I'm a love at just let's just make that clear. And I didn't know what that meant. I got really offended in the beginning when I heard that. But love addiction is like you're always looking for that feeling, that romance stuff. I think it's everyone, honestly, like we all want to have a romance like that fairy tale kind of what were you gonna say? I just said that I don't want to. That's different than love addiction. It's not everyone because there are some love eggs out there

that really struggle. That's when he gets obsessive. Yeah, I'm not obsessive with it. I just I did really really look. Yeah, I was like, why don't I have that feeling all the time, Like when I look on Instagram and I see all these people and they're like throwing each other in the air and they're like catching each other, and I'm like, that is not real life. Real life is making a choice to love someone. And that's what I did with Myles. I remember, I will never forget it.

We were Miles was taking me. I think he was taking me. We were either going out to on site, we were going somewhere and we were in the middle of this awful like figuring it out again and he just slipped at me. He's like, I can't do this anymore? What what are you doing? Because I was trying to almost be like be mean. I don't know what I was trying to get out of it, just go through

all that. Yeah, I was just just like trying to maybe if I poke him enough, he'll he'll like throw me in the air and catch me like I'll become Cinderella. I don't know what I was looking for. And then I remember in that yeah, but he he like flipped, he said, I can't do this anymore. You have you need to make a choice right now. And I remember

in that moment, thinking, this is it. I'm about to lose this guy and I don't want to, and I really need to choose to love him the way I know I love him, and to be loving and to act loving and not just you know, stop running back to California, stop acting like a jerk, and just be present and be love. Like yeah, be love, Yeah, I swear to you. I had a similar thing with Michael,

my husband. We dated four years, broke up two years, and that whole yo yo of like and everyone see us and think, oh my gosh, you guys have this awesome marriage and we do. But it's only because we both choose love. To you have to choose love, choose love and see the best another person. Yeah, you have to see that, and you take like, I know, Miles

knows what he's getting with me. He knows the good, he knows the bad, and like, that's one thing that I love so much about our relationship is he really is able to see through like the crazy parts of me and through the parts like even now having a child, like I went through I've had, um, you know, the depression that follows pregnancy that a lot of women get, and um, he's just been able to really understand and love me through it and not like I really there's

been times where I was like I would leave myself if I were me, Like I don't know who I am right now, And um, I think that's one thing.

Being in a relationship with somebody who does what he does has its has its like benefits, and then it obviously has times where I'm like, you're not my therapist, but I'm like your But he's so great at letting me like go through my process and actually helping me kind of come out of out of parts that are really like heart that I can't see, like my stubbornness, like walking out of my own way and just letting me kind of circle back and be like, Okay, know

this is what's going on. It is so interesting though, especially when you get in a relationship like you guys, where y'all are both like you said, working on yourself you're having your individual revelations and then you're having revelations together as a partner. Like I feel like that is how you really build a foundation or something that can last. You have to deal with that, You have to get dirty, You have to get into the nitty gritty face, the

parts that are ugly. And a lot of people, do you think a lot of people are just too scared to even analyze their own selves, So then when it comes to being in a relationship, they don't want to They can't go there with someone else. How do Yeah, Actually, when you all were saying earlier about you just have to choose love as a couple, I was thinking, first, you got to choose love here yourself. I almost think

love I think grace almost trumps it. I think until I learned to be gracious about myself and my process, there's no way I could extend that to another human. Unconsciously, I had this judgment in this microscope on her process, which was not fair at all because all it was

is a reflection of my own process. And so I think what helped us get there was we both had the courage to do our own work, and it didn't happen naturally, we kind of were forced into it because our relationship was just colliding and we ended up being this great mirror for each other. And the mirror initially was like, let's look at our relationship. That's what's wrong with this situation. And then it was like, well, no, actually,

both of us have individual work to do. And when we started reconciling our own story, we put down the microscope which we had on each other and picked up the mirror, which was our relationship, and we were like, we've got something pretty special when we get out of the way of it, surrender and realize there's more to this relationship meaning us and you know, I know God.

And then it changed things and we still have them like I'll put the mirror up on him all the time and then I'm like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? Like to this day, I'll still and then and then I have that moment where I've got just take it down and be like this is my issue, not his. You know, Yeah, we're God say, we're pretty good at catching I think a lot of people would assume that we as I say, we got it together,

and we don't, but we do. I love the way you reframe that in the beginning, we just we I think an absence of conflict is dangerous in relationships totally, and we've got pretty healthy great putting it. And I had not like when we first met, I literally had never I don't think I ever fought with any guy I've ever dated ever. Literally would just like stuff it. I would stuff it for days, like for years. I

mean I stuffed in my whole life. And then he taught me that if you argue with me, I'm not going to break up with you, like I'm not going to leave you. And I think that that was so important because I was used to if if something wasn't going right, it was over, you know. And he taught

me also how to have a healthy argument. You know, there's ways to to fight and and for it to be healthy, and you know, there's like that tipping point where it can be like really bad, a bad, bad fight where you don't want to get to that point where there's times where if you stuff it for too long, you just lose it. And that's what I was doing. And then then he taught me to unleash it so well that now I'm always just like nothing well done. Well, yeah,

you know, you've given me too much credit. A lot of this you intuitively had it, you just did never. I don't think be in an emostly safe enough place in relationship to be able to express who you are because I didn't. I don't think I ever was like let me show you this. It was just like, let me love you. And you know that's how you deserve to be. Why do you guys think so many people are so unhappy in the world? Like where does the

root of unhappiness come from? And you know, people wanting social this is an influencer series, so like, I feel like social media can be an amazing tool and you guys use it in an amazing way, but it can also be such a terrible tool and it can bring out so much unhappiness and other people Like where does that unhappiness stem from? And if you guys were if you were going to heal the world, how would we

do that? Like? How would you encourage? What? What is what is it that's driving people to their to the darkness or two lashing out on people? Well instead of dealing with it? Do people just not want to face their own demons? Where does all that come from? I guess that's a lot of very long question make sense. I know, I mean, no, a lot of it makes a lot of sense. Actually, And I know, Miles, we both have like I'm, I'm I think a lot of I do a lot of comparing, which is so easy.

It's so easy to do, and and it's so dangerous. And social media is not everything. That's why we like to do. I like to do a lot of realness in my stories and a lot of realness just on my what I'm talking about, because I think it's so important for the world to see. I mean that the real life is not I mean social media. Beautiful picture

on Instagram is not real life. Real life is we woke up at six the babies has been crying, where we had an argument, no one ate this is But then then we had great moments throughout the whole day, and and I and then when we want to when I want to go zone out and look at something, I have to stop looking at all the pretty perfect things because those people have the same issues that we have. And I know that you probably could answer the question

as well in a different way. Now, well, I would just echo a little bit of what you said, and what you shared. I do think we're the most disconnected, um numbed out, medicated cohart in history. Uh. And there's some research to support that due to addiction rates and mental health rates and what we're seeing in our culture right now. It's a it's a scary and confusing time. It can be a little overwhelming to be in our culture and try to figure out how to navigate it.

And we're seeing it getting worse with younger people. So why is it? I think there's that's a layered answer. There's a lot of reasons I think we've headed that way, but I think the main reason is we stopped valuing

uh truth, our vulnerability, our authenticity, and our truth. I don't know we ever really did, but I think a compound effect over all these generations, it's finally caught up with us where people don't have permission to put down the act and now social media is just kind of feel on the fire and actually what you said, But what do we do about it? I think self awareness,

self compassion is our superpower. If I could blanket that into our government and into our leadership, and into our faith based leaders that know you before you try to know me, and teach me yes in the beginning. Well, I think if the world could get a PhD in themselves, we had a lot better world. Because when's the last time you saw a high ranking government official own a weakness? Well, stand up in a debate and say I struggle with this too, Oh my god. But I need to say

about you. You we've got we both have a set of insecurities, and I think a lot of people think, even you that because I've got the my career and what I do, that I'm better at it than you are. But when it comes to social media, I would completely disagree.

You're You've got a resilience muscle when it comes to an unfiltered putting yourself out there that I so respect, and I struggle with it because I've kind of I've been a behind the scenes person forever who in the last two years have said, if if I'm gonna do anything, I gotta put myself out there. And I struggled doing that without worrying about what people think and what they're

gonna say. I think you've been on camera since you were a kid, and you've been in auditions getting rejected since you were a kid, which working in with the acting community. I hate that, and we help people rewrite that traumatic narrative for years where people says your tooth at your tooth, all that crowd. But it did build this resilience muscle when you where you handle rejection really well and you don't mind stretching and putting your schelf out there. You don't have to edit what you say

for the most part. Maybe I'll do a little, but it's pretty remarkable and she's helped me do it. Like I'm saying, because I get insecure about certain things like grammar and spelling. It's not my strong suit. And I'm like, but but yet people think I'm smart. I don't think I'm that smart. But when I put when I post them, I'm like, this has to and I'll get her to look at it or I'll get you know, I uh and over She's like, send it, thinking I just I

type and send that exactly. I can take a whole book, and then I don't. I don't go back and adit it later. I'm like, oh, well, I think I think women overall are better at it. I think so too, because Michael struggles with that. I do think women are better Michael struggles with that too. He's always thinking about his captures and stuff. I think it's because girls are so talking. And I'm not trying to like genderize this, but on the whole, girls are chatty and nurturing and

they want to like just spill the beans. I think women are more emotionally available, and when you have more availability to emotion, that makes you emotionally stronger. And I think historically it's totally backwards. Everybody thinks men are strong and so they put you in. You know, there's never been a female president all that. I think we've had that backwards for years. Women are overall I mean seventy

the people that come to on site are women. That should be reversed because you don't see women are willing to work on it. That's it. Women are willing to work on themselves. It doesn't scare them as much. Yeah, yeah, I totally agree with that. Okay, so I shaw a few questions. Just tell me what comes to mind. Love is beautiful, grace, Darkness is oh real, could be healing. It's you gotta be a one word answer. I could

keep going. Darkness is real and could be healing. Okay, let's break those two down like, I feel like all the darkness I've ever been in afterwards there's been so much growth and light that I almost liked staying in those dark places for a while. Like I remember my l a days like I have like dark days there. I had dark hair and it was dark, I was everything was dark in my life, Like yeah, but after

all that, there became something beautiful from it. Yeah, or if you're willing to, if you're willing to, yeah, and you see it, yeah, and do the work. And then not not every single time, obviously, but most of the time there would be something and I'd be like, oh, that's okay, and get that. Darkness doesn't exist light. Light doesn't exist darkness. I think we have to acknowledge it.

So the social media thing, I work out with the same group of guys four or five days a week, and we've turned the workout into okay, this is this taps the physical side, what are we doing on the emotional side and spiritual side. So on the emotional side, we started giving each other a challenge and once a day we do a challenge, but we determine the challenge based on what we find is a deficit among us. And so if social media is an invader in my relationship,

which it is. I take it into the bedroom and I shouldn't. And instead of like the last thing I do is suck my wife, my wife, I'm on social media checking emails. Then that's that's dark for us right now. But unless I acknowledge it, than the challenge became and I'm doing it for Lynn, which I don't even practice land. I didn't grow up with that tradition. But I'm trying to keep the phone out of the bedroom until Easter, which I've done an okay job on night. It's been okay,

we appreciate the effort. Yeah, it's been a couple of nights and sorry, that's really That is great though, to have accountability and call yourself out on it. And he's amazing at doing that stuff. It's like you just did another one that I love. The no complaining thing, Oh my gosh, that is so hard. I thought it was a week I was complaining about the rain. He's like, no complaining. But I know, I know if you catch yourself, if you intentionally do things like that to catch yourself,

there's always so many things to work on. As soon as I like hit a level where I'm like I have that spiritual breakthrough, I'm feeling great, and then immediately like I feel like I just again and I'm like, oh my god, I'm back on the ground, Like when

is this arrogant? And I like that that you're doing that though, I think that's I think that everyone should do something like that every every like once a week, where I think it's something that we we should do to guy in our relationship, like pick one thing that's smart, like every Sunday that we want to do for the week.

You've really don't the no complaining thing. You have not complained about anything well, And I think too though, I think so many people don't take the time like you guys have both said this whole time to hold themselves accountable, to even take inventory of what they're doing, and to be like, Okay, I need to work on myself, like I actually need to work on me. So many people just break through their lives and let whatever happens so

in they're reacting to it. They're living in their reactions, they're living in their traumas instead of being like, Okay, I don't have to live here. I actually never done working on ourselves till the day we die. I mean that we have the choice to see it differently. Right, Yeah, you're so right. It's actually it's actually not that. It's kind of fun. For the most part. There are parts of my um introspective process where I've had to work on myself that just sucked. I mean when it was

like really hard. But the everyday stuff becomes easier and easier. I think it's just like working out. You don't run, you know, it's like running a marathon. You don't just do that. You have to warm up to it and practice, sit and get your emotional muscles worked out. But now that I'm doing it, I would much rather sit around at table and talk about so somebody challenge the other day because we do this game where we come up with we need to have you guys over for dinner,

so we'd love to call. So I don't want to tell you much about it. We love getting cards that just provoked deep conversations and talk good people feel like I ain't coming to dinner. This it's our favorite. We did like every night to drink wine and talk about everything. We don't have. It's fun, but we do it, and somebody friends over you and he said, you need to turn this into a game called cards for Humanity. Yes, actually you should go with Dr Bill. You already have

an end with Dr Phil. Make him and do it on his show, Get Open Done? Well you think? I mean, think about the world. Provoking emotional deep conversations can be fun. Can we practice them in community? Yeah? Why do you guys think Because you guys have both followed your calling, like you've proceed acting your whole life. You switch careers to follow your calling, why do you think so many

people don't follow their calling? Because we all feel it, like, you know, like you feel that tinge Like every time I've walked down a road that I thought was shining and sparkling should be the road, but it wasn't. I feel that huge resistance, you know. But when you're on the right road, it feels free and open. But so many people, why won't they commit to their calling? Instead?

They're just like, oh, I couldn't be one of those people that had a life where I got to do what I loved a lot of people will just say they'll just stay in that. I think a lot of it, um, I mean, I think it's a lot of fear for me at least one. I mean, even as pursuing acting, I was working as a waitress or I was doing anything to make ends meet, just to be able to

do what I love to do. And I think that that fear over like takes over and you go into that place so well, this isn't working out, and I need to just get a job where I can make money and I can have a family and I can do I think, I think, and you do. I think I am. But I think if you just sort of and it's not so, it's not just as easy as it as it seems like, oh, I'm gonna start a business and it's going to be successful. I mean that's

just not reality for a lot of people. But I think that if you are genuinely, like my dad always said, find something you love to do that you're good at as you can make money at, it's like it might. I mean, I don't want to say I didn't make millions of dollars as an actress. I struggled as an

actress big time. I mean, even when I was working as an actress and doing movies or TV shows, I still wasn't making enough money to even get by half the time because California is expensive, and and I had those moments of I'm just going to give this up. I don't you know, but I kept going, kept going. But then your life, like I think that if you follow your heart and follow where you're going, like I chose love, I moved to Nashville. Nashville took me two miles.

I kind of backed off on acting. I'm still doing it a little, but then, like all these other little opportunities, Yes, that's another thing you can evolve your dream. And I love acting, but like I found this joy in Obviously being a mom is like the best joy I've ever experienced. But now I'm doing the blog and I'm doing I've started a store out at on Site that I love because people that go through there get to go shop for things that make them happy. And I started the

Jelry line. I'm doing all these things that kind of fill that passion inside of me. And and you know, when if an acting job comes along, great, I'll take it. But it's just sort of let yourself, letting myself be open to opportunities. And maybe I want to be an interior decorator. I want to be. I want to be I want to like dress people for for their life just because like I love fashion, so whatever, if something like that were to come my way, I might open

that door. You know, I totally agree following your passion but being open to letting it evolved. Yes, I feel like I have done that too, started in music and like I twisted me here, but I would have never gotten here if I hadn't followed the curiosity. But so many people just won't go down that road because they hit one roadblock or they get intimidated one time and they're like, nope, I'm out by I'm gonna go like

settle for something else. And it's not that I'm judging people for that, but I think that if people would follow their calling, it would be so much happier in their lives. I think it's it's fear of failure a lot. But there are practical things that could keep some people from going after what they want to depending on what it is. You've got socio economic challenges and uh, some people don't have the opportunity to step outside of what they're doing to make a living if they're trying to

support families. Meaning if if I wanted to play you know, major League baseball, but yet I've got to support a family. It's a little late to get started on that. However, I think overall year, right, I think most people would have a fear that if I were to do this, there's a good chance I would fail, and we're naturally adverse to failure. But yet failure every time I have failed,

all the failures have led up to me doing. Honestly, I can say exactly what I want to be doing right now, and these other things I dream about and I want to do, and I know I'm gonna pivot and do other things and try stuff, but I'm doing exactly what I want to do. And it's because I've failed a lot at other things. Yeah, and I failed trying to do what I want to do, And I

think that's always really comforting to hear. I actually think I started this podcast two years ago because I literally just wanted to get inside of people's heads who had done really amazing things, because I always was so afraid of I don't I just worth with. I always had self worth issues. I always thought like I could never do this. Who am I? I'm not talented enough, I'm not good enough. But now talking to people for so many to two years. Now, like once a week two

very interesting people like yourself. I have come to realize and I'm sure you guys have realized this through yall's lines of work. Everybody is struggling. Everybody is insecure. Everybody has their own bag of ship that they're carrying around that they have to figure out how to deal with and overcome. And that has given me so much comfort to be braver just knowing that we're all in it. Nobody has this like perfect ride Like now, it's even like hilarious to me that I ever thought anyone ever

did you know? Because like, like you guys are saying, comparison, you can easily compare, but once you really get to know the stories, everybody is going through something and you just have to like go all in. Everyone's fighting their own fight, and that's why I think it's so important

to share about it. And that's why Myles and I like to be open and vulnerable with our struggles, because we're helping if we share where we're at and we're in the process of, like if we're in the midst of like a real big struggle, we share it and someone's like, oh, you're you're not alone. And I'm like, oh, I'm so glad that I brought that up, because had I not brought it up, then I wouldn't. I don't feel alone anymore, you know. I just I just think it's so important to be real and and to not

pretend that you're okay. If you're not okay, it's not it's okay to be okay, Like that's one thing that's okay. Yeah it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay to not be okay. Yeah. So and I think that I'm I'm not okay a lot of the times too, you know, all the time. So yeah, like I have like a meltdown at least once a day, especially that as a new mom, like all these things and trying to be a good wife and trying to take care of things in trying to just manage it all. It's like, and

and I'm a career person. I always thought I was at least you know that's the well it changes you. Yeah, well you know what you're in the if you're everyone's go lose myself and you work so hard to get this thing going in your career and finally get your head on straight. And I feel like, for the first time in my life, I'm like, Okay, I feel good about myself. And then you have a baby and everything you do lose yourself a little. And the thing is is, like I said this to somebody the other day and

they reassured me. They said it so perfectly. They said, having a baby is like it's like the death of who you were, and then you're becoming this new person and you don't know that person anymore. So you're trying to figure figure out who you are all of a sudden. But your husband still knows who he is. He's still working. Thank God. I'm so grateful, Like I wouldn't be able to do any of the things that half the things I'm doing if he wasn't like a stable person. I'm

like like floating around like a butterfly. I'll do this, I'll do that. But I think that really being able to talk and say you know, also, mom Brane, I literally have no idea what I was just saying. No, we're talking about not one, not one clue, like why I'm on this rampage. I think the overall thing is it's okay to not be okay. Yes, I have mombrane too, like my god, right going down right now, But it is okay to not be okay, and especially as females

like I do want to talk about that. One point you said that has been my number one fear about having kids is I am so scared of losing my life. Yes, that's what we're talking about. Yes, I love my marriage the way it is right now. I love that we can do whatever we want right now. I love that I feel like my career is finally like getting on

a path that I love. And it's like once you have a baby, I am so afraid of losing myself, but you can't once again have fear on the show, but you become this amazing new you and like you will find that person again. I'm slowly finding her again. I'm I don't know still who she is, but like I'm finding out that I like doing other things I used to do a lot less, and things that I used to care about I don't care about. Right, your

priorities get real clear. What has being a new dad taught you and what have you learned about what goes on with women when in all of this, because women really it's a lot of changing four miles and he's like, I'll learn a lot. It is a lot of change. I I you know what, have I learned more than

I could summarize. I can say that it's but the good news is it's exactly what you said about changing to Oh hi girl, that's our pop. I'm not sure if she's in the first child she heard us talking about her, but I I think we went into her. I went into it with a realistic expectation of how we were going to become parents, meaning it's gonna be messy. Uh, We're gonna We're not gonna do it perfectly. We're gonna I don't know one parent on the planet that didn't

screw up their kids some um. And then there's extreme cases where people did awful things, but for the most part, everybody's it's it's just it's an imperfect process. So I went into it with an open stance. I didn't read a lot because naturally I'm a reader. I would research like how do you be the perfect dad? And how

do you do secure attachment? All the stuff I care about, And I was like, Doro that I'm just gonna heart instinct, I'm gonna talk to other dad's other moms, and we're gonna figure this thing out because it's what we're wired to do. We're naturally wired to do this. So but I have learned patients in and grace at a whole new level. I would say more with our relationship than with my son, just because it has been an incredible strain on you. Uh, and I get it. I mean

a lot of people talk about you mind me. A lot of people, uh talk about postpartum depression. Not men need to talk about postpartum anxiety. And it's it's a real thing. Especially you carry some anxiety anyway, which I do too, But it really accelerated once the baby got here. I'ad about that song was like first moms, they can get super protective and and fear a lot about but

you've certainly had a lot of that. But every turn we've talked about it, every single time we've talked about it, No, not honestly, as hard as our relationship can be some days now harder than it was. I'm gonna be honest, harder than it was. Pretty baby. Oh yeah, definite, Like it's never been better. I mean, I would it is. I feel more in love watching her as a mom I do love watching her as a mom than I ever more something in than today that I'm married. It's

just it is the most beautiful thing. I asked the question every day why did I wait till now? And so? But I had a lot of the fears you did too, about it's going to change things, and it has um but has changed things in a beautiful way. Okay, Well, that's a great place to run about because I can talk to her forever. I like to leave with leave your light. So this whole obviously, this whole thing has

been inspirational. But leave some inspiration to especially young people who are maybe trying to get their lives going, want to get into entertainment, want to matter, want to find theirselves worth. Like, leave some inspiration of just how you want to inspire people. Okay, um, I feel like I don't. I'm I don't know a lot about a lot, but I know a little about something. Um. I think that what I would say is I started everything, I feel

like a little later in life. We got married later in life, and we had a baby later in life, and I'm I always thought, oh I want to get do it all early, and I want to have it all together and I think that you're on your path. If you're not married yet and you're looking for love, just be patient. Don't settle, is what I always tell people to. Just do not settle um someone will will find you. And just if you love something, follow your heart.

If you have a passion, if you want to be a social media person, you know, get on there and do it. But don't do it because you want to be famous. Do it because you want to make a change, Do it because you love what you're doing. And just really embrace. Like if you're in a relationship and you're struggling, like, embrace each other, talk to each other. Just choose love.

Every day I'm trying more and more to choose love because I can have tendency to not choose it as much and be resentful and then but yeah, she's love and I love. That looks good that I can say anything better than that. You're good at wrapping things up

and putting it all like in good wording. Yes, really don't have a boat today, but uh oh wow, I spent a lot of time I still do, but not near what I used to, focusing on worrying about, obsessing about in fear about things that just didn't matter that much, and and I don't do that as much. There are still days when I can forget about all the beautiful things. But when I sit and I connect with my wife and I think about myself, I mean, I can't wait

to go see my son and he's just in a moment. Then, um, that's what matters the most. And their career is awesome. Chase it have a big time, but be anchored and who you are and who you love. And if you don't have that, start with you. Um, it is out there. But but anchor into what matters, and the rest of the world will kind of start to fall in place. Okay, that was a perfect bow. He's a great bow of the bows. I don't know my words these days, but you did ask somethinking you can take this south if

you want. That needs to be where we stopped. But I think creatives because you said, what about people who want to get into entertainment. I watched so many people get into that, um, not thinking about what it's going to do to them personally. They just think about this is what I want and all fancy things that come with it. Trying to get trying to get your art out there in a meaningful way requires you to build a platform to deliver it, and building a platform means

you're signing up for a public profession. Public professions create abnormal life circumstances, they just do. Abnormal life circumstances create high levels of stress. High levels of stress create loneliness, addictions, depression, anxiety, all of which kill creativity. And so the very thing that brought you to the dance for entertainers is your creativity, and you're signing up for a career that in some

ways is designed to kill it. Interesting, that's not a bad thing, but I just want people to know that before you sign up for the dance that protect your creativity, meaning protect your heart. I love that. That's a big bow. That's a big bow and so true. That makes so much sense, it really does. And miles of y'all for president? Seriously, yo, would heal the world? Thanks? How amazing was that interview? Are you not just blown out of the water by

their wisdom? They're so young, What an incredible couple. It is so incredible and inspiring to see couples who have done so much personal work so that they can become such a strong united force. That was such an inspiring interview. I hope you all loved it. And you guys, we are not even done at all of the Influencer series. We're probably about three fourth of the way finished. But I have another Influencer episode coming at you next week. You will not want to miss it.