Mid-Week Mom Chat: Why diets and eating disorders don’t work for me.

if she's running around house. Um, I'm used to being able to keep a consistent size, I guess is the way to phrase it, because gin really eat about the same amount of food and work out about the same amount weekly. Before I got pregnant, I was doing hot yoga probably two or three times a week, and then I was doing training camp, which is like a boot camp.

I was doing that, um a couple of times a week, or doing a long walk, and so I was always doing exercise probably let's be real, probably like four times four or five times a week. And I was able to just kind of maintain um my body type and I felt good. I didn't feel like super super stick skinny, but I felt really healthy and um great. I just felt good in my skin, I guess is how to

describe it. Like, and I wasn't worried about weight or anything, which is a first, because when I was younger, all the way up until my late twenties, I was obsessed with like being skinny. Like I just thought that I needed to be skinny, and I put a lot of pressure on my body and I did a lot of things that were unhealthy for my body, Like I tried

every freaking crash diet in the world. Um, I did the Atkins diet, and that just I mean, that can work for a second, but then it completely backfires because the second you eat carbs, you gain like five or too in pounds back, and then you're depriving yourself of this huge food group which is like every carb and like healthy carbs, fruit and some vegetables. And you can't have any bread, even like whole grain bread or sprouted bread or anything like that, and so you can't have

like Greek yogurt or anything like that. So you're just eating meat and things that have no carbs in them, which are high and fat. So that's so bad for your body to eat all that high fat. It's not balanced anyway. These are just my opinions. This is not nothing medical. I have no medical background. I'm just telling you, based on my own experience with diets what happened. Why. I don't think diets work, So I don't think the

Atkins work because it backfires. It makes you gain a lot of weight back, and I just personally, for me, it was not sustainable. I didn't feel like that was something I could keep up because I enjoy food too much and I want to experience food and I don't want to be scared of food groups and Adkins kind of made me afraid of carbs and there's just a lot so that one didn't work for me um when

I was younger. I also, I'm just going to hit this up because I feel like I need to talk about it, even though I feel like shame talking about it, because I feel like I should just block it out of my life because now I don't struggle with this at all, and it's kind of like shameful. But I did struggle with light like I twittered around with bolimia when I was in high school in college and I was I wouldn't say it was like a full blown thing for me, but I definitely like if I over eate.

I would make myself throw up, and I hate saying that. It's like really embarrassing to say that out loud, to be honest with you, But my podcast is called Get Real, And if I'm not going to get real with you guys, then why would anyone want to get real with me? I learned that from Carissa Coliner, She's the host of e UM The Daily Pop, And she said that she was like, why would people share vulnerable stuff with me if I'm not going to share my story with you?

So that's my truth, Like I didn't know how to quite get a grip on diet and wait all that when I was in high school and college, and so sometimes I would over eat and then I'd bring myself through up. It never worked though, because honestly, it just makes you bloated. It inflames your body, like your poor body, Like how sad this body that works so hard for you all day, walks you around, keeps you healthy, like pumps your blood. I'll let you Breathe allows you to

see here, get around this world. Like in your stomach that digests your food and takes care of you and gives you nutrients, Like how awful that you're just like making yourself throw up and hurting yourself and hurting your body in that way and having no appreciation for what your body is doing for you. And to me, that was just very juvenile, a juvenile way of thinking. And I was just looking for a quick fix, and I was focused on all the wrong things because I was

not focused on health. I was not focused on respecting my body and appreciating my body and trying to give love to my body and nourish it. I was only for gus on physical appearance. And to me, I didn't really think about all that was happening withinside of myself. I just was only looking at the external. And I was like, the external isn't pleasing to my eye, then how can I quickly try to make it pleasing to my eye while not taking care of myself. And I

wasn't respecting food. I was just I would like overeat and gorge because I didn't. I just didn't have a balance. I had an unhealthy relationship with junk food, and so when I would eat junk food, I would end up eating too much of it, and I would because I felt like it's like the you know, like a dog that a stray dog like stumbles upon like say a steak in an alley, and it would just like scarf it down as fast as it could, even if it felt sick and ate too much. That would be a

junk food. I would just kind of like overeat it because I just thought like, oh my god, what if I never get it again? Kind of like a just a straight dog. And I just had to work through that and learn that food is not scary and so okay. That was another thing I dealt was so mild mild teetering with bulimia. It makes me a cringe saying it out loud because I'm so ashamed of it. But it's not shameful. I know a lot of us deal with that, and so I'm just being honest. That was part of

my journey. Um. Then I kind of got into like I would sort of I would take diet pills for a little while, like prescription diet pills, and that would make me not hungry, but it would also make me like intense, like almost like this intense person who um, I just was so focused, so mechanical, just had a million things to do, moving really fast, like just like very very intense lost a lot of my human um feelings.

I didn't have a lot of empathy. I was kind of just like really black and white and like automission. And so I would kind of take diet pills and then I would exercise a lot, like over exercise, like do a really hard workout class, and then take a diet pill and then not really eat very much. And um that just yeah, that one kind of like it could work for a little while. All these can work for a little while, but you can't maintain that, and

who wants to stay in that mindset? Like I literally was not enjoying my life because all I was doing was thinking about how do I get my physical appearance the way that I wanted it to look, And so that was my only thought, and I wasn't enjoying anything else because I'm taking this pill that makes my mind completely and like neurotic and just so focused and misses

all the color of life. It just like sucks all the joy out of life because you're just this machine, like I said, and dinner, you're just like thinking about how you can burn as many calories as you can on some sort of exercise machine or class, and it's all for the wrong reasons, and so like, yes, maybe you can get a body that like is a desirable result of what you're going for, But are you even enjoying yourself. You're like stressed out about every you think

you put in your body. You are stressed out about getting to the gym to get a workout class in to make sure you burn a certain amount of calories. You're stressed out about not eating too much. You want to kind of stay hungry, which is miserable to stay hungry, Like it just is misery, to be honest with you,

and it's just all for the wrong reasons. And so I did that for a while in my late twenties, and I finally hit a point where I was like, I'm tired of this, and I had tried other diets to like in the meantime, I had tried, um uh, what I mean, what other diets are there? There's like the no car that was always my go to was

no card. I would do like fast, you know where you do like a juice fast for a week, And in my mind I was like, I'm gonna kick start a diet plan and that can really work for a lot of people, like people who are really healthy and just want to cleanse their body and like give their body a break. I do think the juice cleans is great because I think it's nice to give your body a break every now and then, just to like reset.

But it only if your intentions are right. If you're doing it to give your body a break because you're like, my body has been working hard for me, I'm gonna let it just like power down for a little while, give my organs a little bit of a rest. That's great. But if you are doing it because you're trying to get skinny and starve yourself, I think it backfires because you can't sustain that. Anything that you do because you're trying to get skinny and lose weight and have a

certain look. Anything that you do that is manipulating your body and like not respecting your body or just having good intentions for why you're doing it, it's not going to be sustainable. It really isn't. And so that leads me to why I feel like I have been my happiest and my healthiest while I was pregnant and while post body, like post baby body, which is crazy because

most people are very terrified of being pregnant. I have to say I was scared of getting pregnant for a little while that like what if I could never recover? What if I can't bounce back? What if I gain a hundred pounds and I can't ever lose it? Like,

I'm just being honest. I'm telling on my honest journey and this is just the thoughts that were going through my head and I'm only speaking for myself, like I I just want to share my journey with you because this is my honest, my honest truth, and so here here it is. I mean, y'all might think this is so stupid that I'm even sharing this, but I just feel called to speak all my truth and talk about

topics that I think about. And so this has been one that I've struggled with my whole life, and it's just been kind of a revelation for me that I haven't been struggling with it lately since I've been pregnant and post baby, when my body has completely changed the most it ever has in my life. And I was like analyzing why that is. And sorry, y'all, I'm a rambler me talking by myself alone auto mike with no one to like keep me moving forward is dangerous, So

thank you, we're hanging on with me. I'm hoping that it all makes sense that I'm not just rambling. UM. But I think I've been the most happy pregnant and post pregnancy because I was doing it for a bigger purpose this um. I had so much appreciation for my body. Because anyone who's followed along, like with me and my pregnancy journey and have listened to my podcast, you all will know that, like it was a journey to get pregnant. It took about almost a year for us to get pregnant.

We did have a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy, and it was it was sad, Like that was a really hard season for me. And I really wanted to have a baby more than anything, and it's hard when it doesn't work for you and you feel like maybe your body is letting you down, and like why can't you hold a baby and all these things and it's just a lot. I think women feel it more than men.

I do think men feel it too, Like it's like losing a child and not being able to get have a pregnancy with your wife or spouse or whatever or partner. I know that's hard for the men too, but it's really hard for the woman because it's actually going on in your body. And I struggled with that, I struggled with loss, and it was just a really hard season.

And so I think because of all that, I let go of so much of my other stress that I used to carry about, like body image and trying to have a perfection perfect body image, and I let all that go. So when I got pregnant, the joy I felt and the gratefulness that I felt for being able to have a baby and carry a child, and that my body was working with me and like doing such amazing things for me and holding this child for me. Like I know this sounds hippie dippy, but like druly,

this is how I felt. I just felt so privileged and so honored, and I felt so connected to God, and I felt so connected to this miracle of a child that was growing inside of me that I don't know it just my mind was not about how I looked. My mind was about the magic and the magnitude of the blessing and the miracle that was happening inside of me.

Because I had experienced the opposite for so long that to act of not being able to get pregnant or hold the pregnancy and experience that growth of a child.

Like I don't know, a lot of women just really want experience that Some women don't create that experience, but I know for me, it was so deep within me that I wanted to experience pregnancy and growing a child and having a baby like I just had that desire, And so when it wasn't happening or working, it was really emotional because it was a true desire that I wanted for my life. And when I finally got it, I just felt so grateful. And I didn't care about

my body image. The crazy thing is, I gained forty five pounds in my pregnancy and it I wasn't really stressed about it. Yes, I did have moments where I would have revert back to fear, like, oh shoot, what if this never comes off? Oh shoot, you know what, my body changes forever like oh shoot. Like I had like a few little slip ups where I like would revert back to some of my old habits of thinking about body image perfection. But for the most part, I

loved being pregnant. It was so fun, it felt so cool. I always was aware that there's a little human being inside of me, and just watching my body grow and change was just marvelous. It was spectacular. I felt like this was the greatest joy and gift and adventure you could ever experience. And so I just was kind of

in awe of the whole thing. And then once I had Sonny, I literally was so in all of the miracle of her and like the birth experience, which if y'all to know about my birth experience, listened to UM the Middle of the week mom chat that I did last week because I talked about my birth experience, but I was so in awe of the birth experience, UM the that I just I didn't care again about my body, Like I was like, my body just did so much work for me, Like wow, like we just we did it, body,

We just made a human Like, holy cow, here she is. This is insane, Like how did we do this? I know I sound crazy, but this is literally how I feel. It's like, body, like you freaking rocked, Like how did we make this happen? And so to see this human being come out of my body, I was It's just wow, whoa what started off as nothing is now a human in my body out now coming out of my outside of me, and I'm just like, it's just it's just such so spectacular. I just keep you you know, I

used that already, but I'm gonna loss for words. It was just this incredible event and in my life, in Michael's life, and I don't know if anything could ever compare to it. And so why on earth would I sit around and stress about up getting my body back immediately? That just did not feel like one thing I wanted to think about, because all I wanted to do was enjoy my phone's going off. I was enjoyed this season in my life because I experienced the greatest thing I'm

ever going to experience my life. So like, I'm not gonna worry about getting my body back. I knew that over time I was going to slowly get back to

myself because I like feeling a certain way. And after trying all those diets and having eating disorders and running the gamut of always putting myself through something to try to get this desired physical result, and I realized that didn't work, and so and then I enjoyed myself during pregnancy, and I was just like, my body knows where it feels good like, and I know the weight and the size that feels good, and it's not even a number

on a scale, it's just a feeling. Like I know when I feel good in my clothes, I know when I feel good in my body. I know what over eating feels like now, and I don't like the way

I feel when I over eat. And so I just pretty much new that if I don't overeat, if I start working out again, because I love to work out, not because I want to get skinny, but because I love the feeling I get when I work out, if I start just eating to the point where I'm not gorging myself, just enjoying whatever I'm feeling like I want that day, just enjoying my meal, working out slowly, working out again, bringing we got a peloton, so working in when I have time in between Sunny's naps and I

don't feel exhausted from not sleeping, I'm gonna peloton. But I'm also not going to put pressure on myself like I don't have to do it every day. I'm just gonna do it when I feel energized to do it, and hopefully, over time, once I get more rested, I'll do it more often, but for now, I'm just gonna do it as best that feels, as best I can for what feels right to me now. And that's just

how I'm living my life. And slowly but surely, I'm just I am feeling like myself again and I'm not stressed about it because my main goal is just being with Sunny and taking care of her. And I don't know. So that's my opinion why eating disorders don't work because I think you don't enjoy yourself. I think that you're stressed out about trying to treat achieve a certain body image, and so you completely disrespect your body. You have no

appreciation for what your body is doing for you. You have no appreciation for like just literally like the miracle of breathing, of seeing, of your organs, processing food, of being able to walk, of being able to feel things, of being able to hear, of being able to enjoy. Like you completely just disrespect your entire body and everything it does for you, and the only thing you care about is physical appearance, and you miss your life. And I that's why I think diets don't work. I think

truly you should eat whatever you feel like eating. Don't gorge yourself, enjoy yourself. Stop when you're full, give thanks for your meal that you're getting to enjoy, because what a blessing that you get to enjoy this meal, and some life was given for you to eat it, either a plant life or an animal life. And I know, like I struggle with not being a vegetarian because I really struggle with the meat industry. But you know, I try to eat good quality meat of animals that I

feel like we're more humanely treated. But you know, I just there's so much to stress out about. So I just feel like I try to give thanks for everything that I'm putting in my body and I really try to appreciate it, and then I just don't worry. And I'm telling you it's been a relief and coming from someone who worried a long time the majority of my life, all the way through my twenties, and now I'm feeling better than ever. I just wanted to share that I

hope this has felt helpful and not rambling. It's really hard for me to have a microphone by myself and just talking by myself because I know I go on rabbit trails. But anyway, that is this topic. So that is my opinion on why eating disorders don't work. Let me see if you'll have some questions for me. Um, let's see what's the fine line between eating enough and overeating. I just think that's I think that that is you have to just feel that with yourself. Like I think now,

I have experienced both sides like I have. I know what overeating feels like because I feel sick, I feel full. I feel like I need a bed in my pants. I feel bloated. I feel like I don't want to go out and do anything else. I feel like I want to go to bed. I feel tired. Um, I feel yuck, yucky. I just feel like, oh god, I

just want to get through this feeling. But when I don't overeat, when I enjoy my meal or enjoy food, I feel I might feel a little full, like I got little full, like a kind of uncomfortable, a tiny bit, but still feel good in my clothes. I don't feel bloated, I don't want to take a nap. I feel like I can go out and do things and not feel

just like a lethargic slug. I just feel like I enjoyed what I had and then I stopped before I just was that didn't enjoy it anymore, if that makes sense, Because if you don't enjoy what you're eating, you can get to this point where you just don't enjoy it. And so I don't know. I think when you start losing enjoyment of eating, that's when you should stop. I don't know. I mean, I really don't know. This is just my opinion obviously. UM So that's that, And I

hope this was helpful. And I think that someone says, why has society decided that skinny isn't it's not healthy? You know, I do think it's switching. I think was So here's my thoughts on like social media. I feel like social media can be a thing that is very um it can really can make you compare. It can really make you feel bad about yourself, Like I do see that side. But I also think social media is a way for everyone to have their own platform and

to speak their own truth. And I think that there are a lot of accounts out there and people who are influencing us on social media, who are being real and talking about real life and who are promoting real bodies. And I do think society is slowly changing, just because we all have access to a platform and we all can share. And I think because of social media, people are are being a lot more honest because there's not

just one media outlet you can get information from. It's not just like TV, it's not just like news, it's not um websites like now, everyone if they want to, can have their own platform and speak their own truth. And I think a lot of people are taking advantage of that. And to me, I follow only people that inspire me on social media, like I don't follow anybody that isn't inspiring to me. And so in my mind, social media is a good thing because it makes me

want to be better. And I'm looking at these people who I find inspirational and I'm seeing their journeys and they're sharing with me their truth and what they're doing and what's working for them and what they love and they're being real about it, and I don't know that inspires me. So I don't really see social media as a bad thing if you use it in the right way. Same thing with dieting and food and all that. If you abuse food and use it in the wrong way,

it's a negative thing. But if you embrace it and enjoy it and you know, really have fun with food. It's a great thing. So that is my two cents, and thank you all for joining me on this ramble. And I hope that you are liking this midweek mom talk so far. I'm going to keep it up and just if you have topics for me, send them on in on my Instagram. Okay, I really appreciate you guys

and love y'all. And I just am doing this because I want us all to be happy, be in ourselves and to find our own worth within ourselves, because I know I struggled with that. I still struggle with that. I think everyone struggles with that. I think that it's really easy to compare yourself or to like be down on yourself and check yourself talk Like I check myself talk a lot, Like what are you saying to yourself and how are you treating yourself? Are you hard on yourself?

Are you praising yourself for all the good things that you're doing or are you only looking at the flaws that you have? Because I think that we all are really spectacular and even if there's something that you visibly can't stand about yourself or say you have a insecurity about something about who you are that you find shameful. Don't focus on that because we all have that, we all have little insecurity pockets, and just don't make that the focus of who you are because that's not who

you are. You are so much more. We are not our little flaws. And I hate to break it to you, the rest of the world doesn't even notice your flaw. Yes, you think, like, oh my gosh, I have this crooked nose that when everyone sees me, that's all they're looking at. No, they're not. They're looking at your beautiful, sparkling eyes. They're hearing your amazing laugh. They're like loving the way that you make them feel when you tell a story. They appreciate what a hard worker you are and what you're

contributing to the world with your brain. Like I'm telling you, people are not looking at the flaw. They're not and that is something that I have learned over time. So I just want to share that, and I just want us all to know that, yes, we all are flawed, and yes we all have insecurities. So let's just go

ahead and get over it. Let's just take that off the table, because we're all there, and let's go ahead and just embrace who we are and use our life and our individual talents and our desires to be the people that we're put on this earth to beat. Because this life goes fast, you guys. I don't know about you guys, but it goes fast. And people, you never

know your promise tomorrow. And why are we going to sit around worrying about things that don't matter when you have this beautiful opportunity to live your life and really dive into your dreams, tap into your dreams. That's why we came here. Okay, I'm done. I love y'all. Bye,