Mid-Week Mom Chat: Talking with Oprah, John Wayne and Becca Stevens.

world right now. From the tornado hitting right in my neighborhood that really, um shakes you up and makes you realize what matters, like what really matters. And then with the state of the world right now with the coronavirus, I don't know, something's happening where I feel. Um, Like, all the things I was stressing out about before I've just gone away, and it's gotten down to basic needs

for me keeping my family healthy. You know, isn't that interesting? Um, I don't really care so much about all the other little things I was worrying about. Those are just kind of extra to me at this point. So I don't, like I said, I don't have a lot of things

to talk about. I don't even know what to talk about because I realize a lot of the things I talked about are worries that um, I've had the luxury to worry about, and right now I'm just not worried about it because I'm like, there's some big stuff happening in the world, and I'm just gonna really try to be as calm as possible and just focus on staying healthy like everyone is, you know, being safe, washing our hands, being as um, taking as many precautions as we can

to just keep the coronavirus contained and help rebuild my neighborhood in where I can. But there's just some bigger issues going on and it's giving me perspective for sure. So I have all since I don't know what to talk about. I have all these books that I read all the time, and one of them is from Oprah, and she has a book called What I Know for Sure, And so I'm going to read some of what she Knows for Sure and talk about it because I need

a little inspiration to myself. Okay, this is on resilience. Oprah says, what I Know for Sure is that there's no strength without challenges, adversity, resistance, and often pain. The problem that makes you want to throw your hands and holler mercy will build your tenation, tenacity, courage, discipline, and determination.

I've learned her a lie on the strength that inherited from all those who came before me, the grandmother's sisters, aunts and brothers who were tested with unimaginable hardships and still survived. I go forth alone and stand as ten thousand, maya Angelie proclaimed and her poem our grandmother's. When I moved through the world, I bring all my history with me, all the people who paved the way for me, who

are part of who I am. Think think back for a moment on your own history, not just where you were born or where you grew up, but the circumstances that contributed to you being right here, right now. What were the moments along the way that wounded or scarred you. Chances are you've had a few. But here's what's remarkable. You're still here standing. I love that line. I go forth alone and stand as ten thousand that like since

chills on my spine. We are so quick to live in a world of me, me, me, me me, And this is me included. It is so easy to be so self focused and so um just only aware of what's happening in our immediate world and our lives, and we forget who paved the way for us, like so many generations of people and our families paved the way for us to be here. I mean, we are one of ten thousand. This world has been going on a

long time. If certain people wouldn't have gotten together and created life and had that circle continue, we would never be here. The hardships they had to overcome, the choices they had to make that led them to the life they led, which ultimately led to us being here. I mean, it's just a miracle that we're here, it really is.

And I think that's such a great perspective. And there's so many hardships that people have gone through before us, like like she was saying, imaginable hardships, and they've made it and they survived, and here we are because of it, so we can survive too. The world has always been faced with hardships. There's always been really scary things happening in the world, and the human race has continue to thrive and survive and get better and better, and so

we are that as well. And when things get scary and it gets overwhelming, I think that's a great place to lean into, is to realize that our ancestors who came before us dealt with some really hard, hard, hard, terrible things and they still remained and let it led us to us being here, and so we can. We can survive and thrive too. We just have to. We just have to honestly find it within ourselves to connect to God, stay centered as much as we can, and do what has to be done. Two make this world

a better place, you know. And it's not always gonna be easy. It's not. It's definitely not always gonna be pretty, and sometimes it's gonna be scary, and we can make it. We can survive. We can do this. We gotta love on each other, um, give each other grace, work hard, and work as a team. Okay, here's something else that she said talking with thousands. This is from the book. What I know for sure, Oprah Winfrey, talking with thousands of people over the years has shown me that there's

one desire we all share. We all want to feel valued. Whether you're a mother in Topeka, are a businesswoman in Philadelphia, each of us at our core longs to be loved, needed, understood, affirmed, to have intimate connections that leave us feeling more alive and human. I once filmed a show in which I interviewed seven men of different ages, in all backgrounds, all of whom had one thing in common. They had cheated on their wives. It was one of the most interesting,

candid conversations I've ever had. In a huge aha moment for me, I realized that the yearning to feel heard, needed and important is so strong in all of us that we seek that validation in whatever form we can get it. For a lot of people, men and women, having an affair is an affirmation that having an affair

is an affirmation that I'm really okay. One of the men I interviewed, who had been married eighteen years and thought he had a moral code that would withstand flirtatious temptations, said about his mistress, there wasn't anything special about her, but she listened, she was interested, and she made me feel special. That's the key, I thought. We all want to feel like we matter to somebody. As a girl growing up shuffled between Mississippi, Nahville, Milwaukee, I did not

feel loved. I thought I could make people approve of me by becoming an achiever. Then, in my twenties, I based my worth on whether a man would love me. I remember once even throwing a boyfriend boyfriend's keys down the toilet to keep him from walking out on me. I was no different from a physically abused woman. I wasn't getting slapped upside the head every night, but because my wings were clipped, I couldn't soar. I had so much going for me, but without a man, I thought

it was nothing. Not until years later did I understand that the love and approval I crave could not be found outside myself. What I know for sure is that the lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else, It is disregard for yourself. What I know for sure is that a lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else, It is disregard for yourself. It's true that we all need the kind of relationship that enrich and

sustain us. But it's also true that if you're looking for someone to heal and complete you, to that voice inside of you that has always whispered, you're not worth anything, You're wasting your time. Why because if you don't already know that you have worth, there's nothing your friends, your family, or your mate can say that will completely convince you of that. Now, that is a good point. Let's reread that.

If you don't already know that you have worth, there's nothing your friends, your family, or your mate can say that will completely convince you of that. The Creator has given you full responsibility for your life, and with that responsibility comes an amazing privilege, the power to give yourself the love, affection, and intimacy you may not have received as a child. You are. You are the one best mother, father, sister, friend, cousin and lover you will ever have. Right now, there's

what your Oh this is interesting. Right now, you're one choice away from seeing yourself as someone whose life has an inherent significance. So choose to see it that way. You don't have to spend one more second focusing on the on the past, deprived of affirmation you should have gotten from your parents. Yes, you deserve that love, but it's up to you now to bestow it upon yourself

and move forward. Stop wanting for your husband to say I appreciate you, your kids to tell you what a great mother you are a man to whisk you away and marry you, or your best friend to assure you that you're worth a darn look inward. The loving begins with you. Now, that is such a great message. I have struggled with self worth like most people have, I'm sure. I mean, I over wrote a whole book about it. Um so many people struggle with it, and I could

not agree with her more. You can look for all the validation in the world to tell you that you're worth it, But if you don't believe it in yourself, it doesn't matter who tells you you're worth it, and it doesn't matter who tells you you're not. If you believe in yourself that you're worth it, you don't need to hear it from anyone else. Yes, of course those are nice things to hear. We all want to hear it. But we have to know it. We have to know

we matter. We have to know that we're trusting our instincts, that we're trusting our purpose, and that we have a purpose, and that we're valuable, and that our lives matter. We have to know that. And it doesn't matter what we've done, It doesn't matter what kind of career we have. It doesn't matter what kind of lifestyle we're living in. Maybe we don't feel like we have anything going for us right now, but because we're here on this earth, we matter.

We made it, we made it to earth. We're having this experience, so our lives are worth it. And what I've been trying to do lately when I feel confused and when I don't know where to go, and when I feel like lost, um, and you know, when you feel like you have a million plates in the air and you don't know if they're all going to crash or you're going to catch them, um, that feeling. I

am just trying to let God guide me. And I'm just trying to really really get still in quiet and listen and try to hear what God has intended for my life and which direction he wants him to move, because you know, someone you get to a place where you don't know what the next move is and you don't know how to take that next step. And for me, I've had enough experience in my life when I forced things because I feel like I need something to happen. When I force things, it never really pans out the

way I wanted to. When I have let my life unfold and continue to work hard and move down the road that I feel like it's being laid for me. It usually works out. So the way I listen for God to tell me what to do is by my gut instincts. I now, No, I've been in situations where I feel so much resistance, like nausea. Um. It feels hard, like hard in a way, like like a brick wall, like I can't move through it, like I'm really having to force um. It doesn't feel like things are working out.

It feels icky. It feels like I'm pushing really hard and I'm getting resistance from everybody that I'm pushing up against. It doesn't feel settled in me. When I feel those feelings, that's when I feel like God's saying, pivot, pivot. This isn't this isn't opening up, This isn't the clear road, This isn't what you're supposed to do. You're forcing your own agenda. So I'm trying not even to get into agendas that I have to get out of right now.

I really want to just be so open to God like that He just sort of lays the road out for me. Because I realize I can get on the hamster will and run run, run, run, run, run run. But I'm not going anywhere until I'm on the road that God's intending for me. I'm just running in a circle. I'm just literally spinning my wheels and wasting my energy. So I might as well stay calm and quiet, continue moving on the road that I'm on, um until God makes it clear by opening a door giving me some

serious intuition, um shutting a door. I now know by the way I feel. If I feel good about something, and if it feels easy and right, and of course that doesn't mean you're not gonna work hard and you're not gonna have hard work to do. But if the road presents itself in an easy and light way, then to me, that's the road I go down. And I

just continue to go down that road. And I don't necessarily know where it's going, but I'm just gonna walk, and I'm gonna trust my intuition and my instincts and listen and be aware of the signs that God gives me, which are to me, they come in the form of resistance, resistance, or ease. If it's full of resistance and it makes me feel terrible. Then to me, that's when God is telling me to pivot. Okay, I'm gonna read one more excerpt from Oprah's book What I Know for Sure? This

is about communication. The key to any relationship is communication. And I've always thought that communication is like a dance. One person takes a step forward, the other takes a step back. Even a single misstep can land both people on the floor in a tangle of confusion. And when you find yourself in that position with your spouse, with your colleague, your friend, your child, I found the best option is to always ask the other person, what do

you really want here? What a great question when all the egos are flaring, and all the miscommunication, this is me talking, not Britain, all the miscommunication is happening, ask them, what do you really want here? Okay, she says. At first you might notice a little squirming, a lot of throat clearing, maybe some silence. But if you stay quiet long enough and can get the real answer, I guarantee

it will be some variation of the following. I want to know that you value me, Extend a hand of connection and understanding, and offer three of the most important words that any of us can ever receive. I hear you, I know for sure your relationship will be the better for it. Isn't that the truth? Don't we just want to be heard? Yeah? I mean all of us just want to be heard. And that's what all of our

tantrums and anger and everything kind of stems from. Is when we feel like this other person doesn't get me, doesn't see me, doesn't know me. It's all just a different way for saying this person doesn't hear me. I'm not being seen for who I want to be, for who I feel I am. What I'm realizing is you don't have to fully agree with someone. You don't have to like totally agree with someone's beliefs or think that someone is always right. But if you can hear someone,

and really, my mom calls it active listening. If you can do active listening. And I'm not saying I'm great at this, I'm not. I'm aware that this is what needs to be done, but I'm not saying I'm great.

But if you can do active listening, which is you're listening and you're not trying to come up with what you're going to say next, You're listening to hear what that person truly has to say, and then you speak after they're done, and you have a thoughtful response to what they've said, not just like what you've already been gearing up to say right back at them to get back your point. Active listening is really about, like, what

is this person really trying to say? Because if we think of it from a spiritual perspective, we're all little light beams from from Heaven, from God. We're all a little just bolts of lights. Our spirits are, and our spirits have a purpose that they want to achieve while they're here on this earth. When we don't get heard, when we don't get seen, it's frustrating because our spirit is wanting to have this life and create this existence. That's why we're on this earth. But sometimes we don't

know how to express ourselves as humans. So if we can view everyone as a little light beams and know that when someone's frustrated, it's just that they're wanting. They have an idea of who they want to be and they want to be seen. That's why we all are here existing. We want we have desires, we want to achieve and be certain things, and all of us have different desires and dreams because we all come here with

a different purpose. So if we can just view each other in a way of seeing the light in each other and realizing that we all have purpose, let's try to help each other achieve our purposes. We don't have to have the same purpose. We're not going to we don't have to do things the same way. But instead of having to have things in my way, let's figure out what that person needs and work together. There's enough for everyone to win. There's enough to go around for

everyone to win. We just have to drop our armor, lower our swords, and hear each other and comb at each other with compassion instead of anger. Okay, so now I'm gonna move on to another book. This is called the John Wayne Code wit Wisdom and Timeless Advice from the American Icon. He says, I define manhoods simply. Men should be tough, fair and courageous, never petty, never looking for a fight, but never backing down from one either.

I like that standing your ground but not being unnecessary, like love yourself, stand up for yourself, but don't be an asshole. I mean that's how I interpret that. Okay, let's see what else we want to what other good quotes. This is one of my favorite ones of all and I think this is such a good motto to live by. I think this is one of his most famous quotes. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. Let's take a minute and think about that. Where in

your life have you been scared to death? But you've jumped into the into the game of life, into the ring anyway. It takes balls to do that. I mean, it is so easy to wanted to sit on the sidelines of life when there's so much going on, there's so much fear in the world, there's so much comparison, we have so many insecure these there's so many there's so many factors, So why we don't want to put

ourselves out there? But courage, he defines the definition of courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. So you feel so nervous, so inadequate, so whatever, but you get on that horse and you go ride and get in get into the big middle of it. Anyway. You don't know what's gonna happen, you don't know if you're equipped, but you go for it. I mean, that's what bravery is. That's what courage is, and that's all life is. We don't want to sit on the sidelines

of life. I mean, what is our fear. The worst case that can happen, we die. I mean, that's a real fear. But also the worst thing that can happen is we sit on the sidelines of life and miss our whole life. That's a real fear. I mean, to each their own, there are some things that death isn't the worst thing. Sometimes, like I would rather I do not want to die, but like I want to live my life and not be afraid to live my life because I'm scared to die because I'm scared of what

people are going to think of me. Obviously, you want to be smart and responsible and like, don't be an idiot. But I want to be in the big middle of my life. I want to live my life. I only get this one. So many things can happen every day I wake up. It needs to be a good day. Like I want to wake up and be like, yes, I'm in it, I'm living. I don't want to be plagued by fear and worry because there's so much to fear and there's so much to worry, and that's completely

steals your joy. So I love that quote so much. Okay, I'll read one more from this book. I suppose my best attribute, if you want to call it, that, is sincerity. I can sell sincerity because that's the way I am. That's awesome, And isn't that a great trait to genuinely care, to genuinely be sincere. You can see it in his eyes. I mean he did, and that's why everyone loved him, because he had integrity, he had courage, and he was sincere. That's what we're looking for in alife. And it kind

of goes on top of what Oprah was saying. We all want to be heard and seen, and we love people like John Wayne because we feel like he stands for something and he hears and he sees us, and he also hears and sees himself, and that's really powerful. Okay, I'm gonna read one more excerpt from this book called Love Hills Heels, Love Heels, written by Becka Stevens, the founder of Thistle Farms. If you haven't checked out Thistle Farms,

check it out. It's an amazing refuge for women who have been abused and sex trafficked and overcome all sorts of terrible things. And Beck Stevens is all so Piscopalian priests. They make all the thistle farmers makes all these women, gives these women jobs, and they make all sorts of incredible candles and lotions and essential oils and bags and jewelry, and it's beautiful. Um. And Becca is just she is

such a beacon of peace in the world. And this book is very um inspiring and offers a lot of peace. And here's something that she wrote about, which I think is a very great point. Sometimes we um this is still men talking. But sometimes we rush through our day and we get started right away, and we don't even take time to be intentional about our day in the mood that we're setting. And she says, a habit of peace.

I've been practicing waking up to prayer, during an hour of yoga, pilates, and walking a few miles five days a week. I go, whether I'm inspired to or not. I go because I know that when I walk her exercise, I breathe and settle the noise around me. I go because I know when I walk in the woods or prayed silently in the morning all the clatter of everyone else's agendas grows quiet. Of course, some days I go out and come home and I barely remember what I did.

I go through the motions, I make my path in a circle through the woods, and the warriors and fears are still stirred up within me. But every now and then everything settles in the still waters surround me, and I'm so thankful that I didn't miss it. In the midst of a world feel of field of stress, it's critical to search for peace to quiet our souls. We can respond to stress by finding our quiet times where we feel found, not lost. Moments of peace can be

fleeting and far between, but they are healing. They are a healing balm for her troubled heart. Times when we see birds overhead, or we hear Him sung with a perfect harmony, or we see the love of God reflected in a child's eyes are so important. But they sit But they sit us down by an eternal moment, so that all troubles can pass us. And oh, temporal is

what she's saying. I guess that means temporary. But they sit us down by an eternal moment, so all that troubles us can pass and we can feel peace in such moments. All we can do is give thinks that the Holy Spirit leads us, leads us still to calming and peaceful waters. One morning, before I was going to preach in North Carolina, I got a text message from one of the Thistle Forms graduates. Today I woke up and I heard the birds and felip peace. Thank you.

That simple note meant the world to me. She's finding those still waters where we can still reflect, where we can reflect, where we get quiet enough to hear the birds. It's simple, isn't life simple? We make it so complicated. There's so much noise in life. There's so much noise in life that is literally stealing our joy, stealing our peace. But if we can just take the time, and I

realized it doesn't take that much time. If we can just take a few minutes, even sit outside, do some meditating, sit inside, do some meditating, put on a podcast that's calming, put on a meditation, read a devotional, do something to start our day off right before we just dive into the hustle and bustle of this busy world, find some peace before we just start into the news, into the chaos, into everything, start ourselves off with peace. What a difference

it makes. Thank you for joining me today. Um, thank you guys for walking this journey with me. I am a work in progress and I feel like this actually was very calming for me. This gave me a lot of peace because there's a lot of stress right now, and I think we need to lean into things that bring us peace, which to me, it is reaching out and reading books and hearing words spoken from inspiring women and men who are just showing the way of how

to find the inner piece. Because when we can't control things, what we can do is control ourselves. And the way that I mean control ourselves is we can't control how we respond. We can't control our intentions. And when we feel stressed and nervous, what we need to do more than anything is take a deep breath, get calm. My dad was telling me this. If you're feeling panicky, sit down, touch something anything and rub it and count to tend Because your mind can't do two things more than two

things at once. So if you're rubbing something and counting to ten, so I'm doing right now one, two, three or five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, that allows space in your brain to come, because you can't just have thoughts of bombarding you because you're using your thoughts to count to ten and rub astir fist of something and it will calm you down if you're feeling panicky. So here's a little tip if you feel nervous or stressed out, or you're wondering how to calm yourself down. Um, hopefully

that will help you. I love you guys. Wash your hands