Mid-Week Mom Chat: Sleep Deprivation.

my body aches, my brain aches, everything aches. And I want to start this podcast off by saying, I really truly pray that you guys do not take this as me complaining, because I am not trying to complain. I am grateful for every new experience that I get to have with Sunny, including sleep deprivation. I am just really kind of using this podcast as an audio journal to journal what's happening in my life, the changes that are happening.

Like I'm just sort of recording what I'm going through as an observation more and not as complaining, because I am very aware at all times, truly, even when I am sleep deprived and exhausted and my body is aching because Honey weighs over twelve pounds, and lifting her all the time it is like lifting just the sacritatoes and I'm not probably using the correct warm So I got a major crick in my back to the point where

I couldn't walk. So that's why I'm in the bathtub trying to soak it up after I went to the chiropractor day and then now I feel like I flu like symptoms because my whole body cracked. And now I'm just like in so much pain because my body readjusted into a new position after the chiropractor, which I am so grateful for, but it's not going to be settled down until tomorrow because sometimes when you're so tight, it hurts to crack it all and get it all back

in the right position. Anyway, I digress. I love my chiropractor. He's amazing. His name is Dr Grande and he um runs the Spine Shop in East Nashville, and I truly cannot recommend him enough. He keeps me in line physically, and I am very grateful that he is my chiropractor. To go to him in Nashville if you need a good one. Anyway, I digress, So I um, last night, I told you all, if you'll listened to my mom chats the other I don't know which one I'm talking

about because I literally have no brain. I can't remember anything I say. I have record stuff and I put it out there and I don't know what I said because my brain is broken right now just by not remembering anything. But if you guys remember a past podcast, I, um, what was I even just talking about? What the hell was I just freaking talking about? Oh my god, I cannot remember what I was trying to to say. Oh,

I guess it wasn't that important. Okay. What I'm trying to get at though, the point that I'm trying to make from this podcast is I'm so tired. Oh oh, my pediatrician. Yes, my pediatrician told me Caroline. He came because I came in to his office the other day and Michael was in Europe and I was by myself. I had been by with the Sunny for a week by myself. And it's great. I love it, every second of it. I love but like I was freaking exhausted

and potentially losing my mind a little bit. Like you get into this weird crazy vortex when you're just alone with a newborn all the time, by yourself, not sleeping like you really life, really it's amazing, but it's like it gets you get crazy in your head, like it gets weird, like all of a sudden, I don't know how to leave my house. I'm tired all the time. I literally were the same thing, like three days in a row. I will go to sleep in an outfit with tons of spit up all over it, don't care,

wake up the next day where it all day. I'll do that like three days until finally this is disgusting. I like can smell my body odor and I'm like,

get in the freaking shower, girl, you're disgusting. Anyway, So my pediatriction was like you need to go out and be with your friends, or get out of the house, or go for a walk, or do an exercise class or something an hour day, or at least an hour every other day, because it's not good for you just to be keeped up here and turned into this crazy person.

He didn't say like that, but anyway, he was just being nice and saying get out, like don't forget who you are, Like remember who you are, because that's really important, and that's beneficial for Sonny to have a mom who doesn't lose herself. And I don't feel like I'm losing myself.

I really don't. I feel better than ever as far as where I am in my life, Like I feel like I have more purpose with my podcast now because I actually I'm talking about episodes that means something to me, and I love getting to share what I'm going do with you guys, and I love how you guys share with me, and I love how we're exchanging all this information, Like being a mom has really to me given me more purpose and more passion in my career and my

podcast that ever. So I don't feel like I'm losing myself, but I do feel like I am losing so much sleep that I'm exhausted. Just when you think like your child is sleeping through the night and everything is great, and you maybe get a little cocky about it, they don't sleep through the night. So last night I was trying to chake my pediatricians advice. And I'm in a book club with amazing women and we have a group meeting like every four times a year or something. I

don't know how many times. Four times a year, and we've been doing it for like five or six years, and it's one of those things that I remember when we started it like five or six years ago, I kind of thought it was just sort of like, oh, this school whatever, I'm in a book club. But now that we've been doing it for five or six years, four times a year, like we're on a tech chain together, we keep up with each other. We all make it

a priority to go to these events. We've gotten married, we've had children, like we've all been there for each other. We throw each other baby showers, wedding showers, like we're always there for each other. Like if we're breaking down and exhausted from our kids and all that, we like lift each other up. Like we've become true friends. And it is the most beautiful thing. So I value this

book club so much. And it's one of those things I just had no idea was going to turn into something I love so much, but it did, and I'm so grateful for it. So I had a book club last night and it was so fun. We did a murder mystery. Andrea Deloche, who is married to grand Fellow. She's in a thousand horses. She's like one of my

she's my band sister. So basically we're like family, because when you're in a band family, you basically our family because you live every second of your life together because your husband's careers are always the same, and like your lives are just interacting constantly. And Andrea is one of the greatest humans ever, and she can do anything, and she's so crafty, and she's a d I wire and she can make anything food wise, clothes wise, table scape wise.

So she put together this murder mystery and all of us went over to her house and we all got characters and we all had to be in character and play this murder mystery and act out how this woman died, and then we had to figure out who was the woman who died. And it was so much fun. And we all had a cookie exchange, and my friend Jesse let me share her cookies because I didn't have time to make guinny and so we all like brought cookies and boxed them up and it was just so much fun.

I recommend if you are looking for a fun thing to do with your friend, do a murder mystery like it's awesome. So I ended up having a great time Sunny went down at seven thirty to sleep. Michael had the husband's over of the wives who wrote book Club, and they grilled out and we're by the bonfire, and he did a great job and they were quiet and they didn't wake up Sunny, and I was so proud of him. And he really rocked it babysitting the baby by himself, and I was like, you know what, I'm

here with my friends. I had a glass two glasses of champagne right when I got there, because I was like, I cannot drink too much because I just cannot pump and dump. I have pumped and dumped a few times in the past few weeks because I have decided to have a few glasses of wine. And even though it probably was fine, I just some freaking o c D and worried about everything. So I dumped like fourteen ounces because my night pump is my best one, and so I was like, I cannot pump and dump, like I

all my milk a sacred to me. I need every ounce of it. Sonny is now eating six ounces at a time, like I have none to spare. So I had two glass of champagne when I first got there, and then I didn't drink anything else. But I was having so much fun with my friends and the conversation was so great. And after we did the murder mysture, we all like hung out on the couch and we talked and we my friend Bryladan gave me a back massage and it was the greatest thing I've ever experienced

in my entire life. I was like, oh my god, this is the greatest thing ever. Like, nothing was better than the back massage she was giving me. And because I had already pulled my back, I had this crook in my back and I couldn't walk, And I mean I could, but I just was like hobbling. And she gave me a massage. And she's also a new mom. She's a little girl who's eight months old, and she's like someone I leaned to and she gives me so

much great mom advice. Anyway, so we were having a great time and all of a sudden, I look at the clock and it was eleven thirty and I'm like, Okay, that's still civilized. Sonny's been sleeping through the night. She's probably gonna wake up at seven, which is what she

normally does. Although the past unite. She's been waking up at five five even, and I've just been kind of letting her run like squeak around in her crib until like six fifteen, six thirty, if she can make it without fully crying, because she kind of just wakes up and she goes like ah ah ah ah, it's just like this little tiny squeal, and it's not a cry. It's almost like a bird, like a little baby bird, and she's not upset. She's just kind of like rummaging around.

So as long as she's just kind of doing that little squeak, I just sort of let her chill. I'll go in there and I'll take her swaddle off and i will let her just kind of squeak around until she starts crying, and then I'm like, okay, time to

get up. We're gonna feed you. Um. So, anyway, I've been counting on the fact that she wakes up six o'clock earliest, or I can lay in bed until six o'clock and I pump when I get home at eleven thirty at night, and I pumped like midnight, And so if she wakes up at six and I go to bed at midnight after I pumped. I'm getting twelve to one, two, three, four or five six hours of sleep, okay, and that

is like really great when you're a new mom. If you can get six hours of sleep, you're really doing well. So I was counting on that. But guess what I ended up going about it? One because I come home or two because I come home the guys are still over here. They had grilled out there, hanging by the bonfire. We ended up chatting a little bit. Michael ends up coming to bed like at one thirty. I start pumping late because I've been hanging out with them, and I

end up having a ton of milk. So I pumped forever and I didn't end up closing my eyes until two o'clock. I guess who decides to wake at before? Yep, Sunny Sunny did she unswadowed herself. She busted out of her swaddle, probably because I didn't do a good enough job because I was already tired and I came home and I didn't put the swaddle up high enough. Maybe I didn't took her arms and tight enough. I don't know.

I'm sure it was my fault because I looked at the monitor at one thirty while I was pumping, or like one o'clock before I went to sleep, and I said, shoot, that swaddle has drifted down, like her whole shoulders were kind of creeping out. And anybody he's got a new baby who sees their baby shoulders out of their swaddle, it's like, oh no, there's a very good chance they're

going to escape. But then you walk this fine line of do I go in there and reswaddle her and wake her up and then deal with that whole process, because then what if she didn't go back to sleep? Do I play Russian Roulette and just pray that she makes it until six or seven in the morning and doesn't unswadow herself. So anyway, I go with Russian Roulette.

Let's see if she doesn't unswadow herself. Well, she made it till four four or four thirty, and then she started crying and she was flailing and she would not stop crying. It wasn't that it was the full blown like yep, we're up and we were on our way to screaming. So Mom, get your booty out of bed and come in here and see me and feed me and make me feel better, because I don't know what's happening with my arms because they're flailing. That's basically what

she was saying in my mind. So I mind you, I have not gotten two and a half hours of sleep, maybe two hours and forty five minutes of sleep. And I go and I put her bottle on, I feed her. I've put six ounces on, and then I breastfeedter. I always bread her breastfeeder first, saying in the morning, I want her just to start with that comfort, and I want to make sure that we get a great breastfeeding

because I love that moment. But I don't want to breastfeater all the time because I want to make sure she's getting all of her ounces so she'll sleep to the night like she didn't do uh this night. But so I breast better, and she probably breasted for ten minutes and then she took like five ounces, so she probably ended up taking like seven ounces. So she was a hungry girl seven eight ounces this morning. So then you gotta that takes a while to get the bottle

down and the breastfeeding down. So I let her. So I let her cry in her crib until like she woke up at four thirty or so I let her kind of like squeak around until five, but I was like up and getting the bottle ready and just kind of like laying on the couch praying that she's gonna go back to sleep and I could just like cat nap for another forty five minutes. So I did that until probably like five thirty, five thirty. I don't know. I mean, I'm guessing I didn't wasn't looking at the clock.

And then and then it was time. She woke up by five thirty, and so I was like, okay, here we go to the bottle. And then I probably took until about like six fifteen, and I wanted to try to keep her up till eight because we used to do five four naps, but now we've moved them down to three naps a day, but we've made them longer, which is so great because you can actually do more stuff.

So she wakes up when it's the best world between six and seven, ideally seven, and then she'll stay up until eight, and then she'll go down from ten until twelve, and then she's up from twelve until two and then she goes down. Sometimes she'll sleep like two and a half hours, so she might wake up at ten thirty, but then she'll sleep till about noon. I mean that

she'll be up till about noon. Then I put her down and then she goes down from like noon to about two or to thirty, and then she's up, and then we're up until seven when I feed her, except for a little forty five minute nap that she takes after she eats her bottle, So she's pretty much up. And so you can do stuff, which is great. You can go with places and she can just get a little cat nap and you can actually be gone for like four hours, which is amazing. It's like freeing on

a different level. So anyway, I'm sorry, I'm ramway, I'm just trying to tell you all this or full story. I end up getting like two and a half hours of sleep, we feed her, she and so now she's been up since four or forty five, even though I let her stay in her crib until like five thirty. Um, but I've when we finally got to the play mat at like six fifteen, I was like, how in the world am I going to keep her up till eight?

Like that is like almost two and a half three hours of keeping her up, and she normally wants to go to bed like an hour after she wakes up. The first day in the morning, they're just so tired in the morning, and I was like, they're in no way, and so she started really crying at seven, so she'd been up like two and a half hours, and I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna put you down and just let's see what happens. And so she went down at seven and she ended up sleeping until ten thirty.

That's three hours. And in the meantime, I ended up taking a two hour nap. Of her three and a half hour nap, I took like two hours of it. So now I've got like four hours of sleep, but it's like broken up sleep, and it's never the best sleep. So now that my days started, I now know why moms have to have coffee. I used to like have coffee in the morning kind him just to get the body rolling and the bowels going. But now I'm like, I have to have three cups of coffee, and I

do it after a breastfeed. Um, when i know I'm gonna stay up if I'm not going to try to take a nap. That first time when she wakes up, I won't. I'll pump at seven. I always pump at seven when she wakes up. After I feed her, and I usually try to take a nap if I haven't gotten any sleep that one. But then the ten o'clock one, when she wakes up, I always feed her pump. I always feed her, and I've already pumped, so I don't

have to pump again. And then I will like down three cups of coffee because then I'm up for the rest of the day anyway, So I was just my

coffee trick didn't work. My head was just throbbing in so much pain, and my body was hurting because I went't don adjustment, so everything was rearranged, and I just was I couldn't get on top of my exhaustion, and normally I can just power through and be like this is amazing, Like how fun that I'm getting to have this life was sunny, and like how great that like I get to work from home and do my podcasts and host, Like I get to freelance host and pick when I get to hosts, and um, I get to

do brand deals and like I get to be my own boss. And I'm so thankful for that, and I'm always aware that that is such a blessing, but when you were tired, it is a true form of torture. I couldn't eat all day. I felt like I had the flu. I was always present when I saw Sonny, because I really try to be so present all the time when I'm with her, because that's important to me. But I just wanted to cry. So we ended up going to our friends for a barbecue um that we

had already planned. All of our book club was going, all Michael's friends were going. So I was just gonna take Sunny for like three hours because now that she's doing these two hour naps, we have like a four hour window in the afternoon. And I got there and my friend Audrey just held me and hugged me, and I just cried in her arms, and I was like, I'm so fired, Like I'm so tired, and I'm not upset,

I'm not I'm not grateful, I'm just so tired. I have to cry, Like I literally have to cry because I feel so tired that my brain is just exploding and I almost feel like these tears just have to come out so I can, like I don't know, get word, some sort of release or something, because I'm so freaking tired. And of course all my new all my mom friends were like, yep, yep, yep. Oh, welcome, welcome to never

sleeping again. And that's why it's just so great to have friends to be able to talk to about this. And that's why I want to talk to you guys about this on my podcast, because these are things that like, I always am grateful that I have Sonny. I am always fine if not to sleep, if she wakes up, But yes, am I human? And yes, does it break me physically down? Yes, Like I am so broken down right now physically and mentally. My love pile is full.

But like, I just have nothing left to give anyone, anyone right now but Sonny, and then Michael, like, and then my commitments with my podcast, like and whatever other work commitments that I passionately have to do, Like I just don't have the energy or the mental space to do it right now. And it's like you get to the end of the day and you're like, what have I even freaking done? Like I haven't even done anything.

But all my friends, you are moms, are reading this book called fair Play, and it talks about invisible work that women do, because women, especially when you're a mom, but women in general are always doing all these invisible things. We're doing the laundry, We're putting on those sheets, where going to the grocery store. We're cleaning bottles, were ordering diapers, were figuring out the nipple size when she goes up.

We are making sure we have her in the right sizes, clothes, um cleaning the house, I'm vacuuming, i am recording a podcast. I'm um trying to get a peloton exercise in which never happens. But it's just like all these little things. I'm I'm feeding sugar, I'm making sure she gets trying to get so walk like every few days. I'm trying to keep up with my family. I'm trying to play in Christmas. I'm trying to play in babysitters. I'm trying to make sure that if we're going to be gone,

that like I'm all coordinated with um. But like I said, like a babysitter and that someone can come over and watch sunny. And it's just like managing schedules and it's all this stuff that literally feels like nothing, but it adds up. And when you do that all day long, I'm editing my podcast, I'm um, I just I can't even I don't even know all the things I'm letting. I'm putting the laundry out of the dryer and letting it hang out, hang up, like I'm changing the air

vents in the house. I'm making sure sugar gets their heartworms. Like it's just like all these things that you do all the time. I'm taking out the trash, I'm cleaning bottles like I don't even know. I'm just sort of rattling them off as I tell you what they are, because it's all this like bullshit stuff that has to

get done. But it doesn't really it's not really like cool or glamorous, and it feels like nothing, but it isn't nothing when you're doing tons of it all day and then you're keeping your child alive and you're getting her bottle down which takes thirty minutes, and you have to put her on the bed, you have to put her in the crab, you gotta put it on the swing, you gotta put her on the play mat, you gotta burper, you gotta do all these things to make sure she

gets her six ounces down, which you can't give up once. She only wants to take three because if she only takes three, then she's not going to make it to sleep through the night because she needs to be fully fed. So it's like you're just getting up down, up down. It's like, uh, up down, up down, up down. That song I can't even remember his name was one of my favorite artists right now. It's a country song. I mean, but my brain is that's where my brain is. It's

gone anyway, So that's your day. And I don't have time to make new friends right now, which is really hard for me because I am someone who has always been a people person. I have always gone out, I've always been involved in the community. I want to be involved in the community. I want to be actively involved in my community, and I want to be actually involved with my friends. I want to go to lunch as. I want to support my friends when they are doing

business stuff and they have like events. I want to I want to make a new friend, like I meet people all the time on my podcast and I want to be their friend. I want to make a new friend when they invite me over for dinner and they want to cook me and Michael dinner. I want to go. I want to join. I want to be on a board. I got asked to be on this beautiful art board that's like, can I've really changed the landscape of Nashville as far as the arts go, But I I want

to be on that board. I want to be someone in the community who's making a difference and being evolved with important stuff because I love that and I want to help. And I just love being involved and included and the city is amazing, and I want to give back however I can. And I love the socialization of it, like I love people, and I love all my friends because all my friends make a difference with their lives and they combine their energies and they do great stuff.

And I want to be a part of that. And I always have tried to do that, and it's something I've really value. And I've always been pretty much a yes person unless yes person first, Like I've pretty much always said yes first, and then I'll say no if I can't do it, which I will always try to figure out how to make it work. That's why everyone's always like, Yo, you're so busy, how do you do all this stuff, and I'm like, because I'm freaking saying

yes to everything because I want all these opportunities. I secretly have this fear that if I say no to an opportunity, then I'm not going to get another one, Like no one's going to ask me to do anything again if I say no. And that's fear that all goes back to myself worth stuff that I struggle with, like if I don't really keep up and really like stay involved, and people are gonna stop including me and

these amazing opportunities to be involved. And I just finally had a breakdown today and I was like, I cannot be a yes person anymore. I have to be a no person first. I have to say no first, which is so hard for me. And I'm a people pleaser and like I said, I want to be involved, but like I have to be a no person right now,

and I'm gonna cry. I'm sorry, I always cry on these sometimes We're like that is so freaking hard for me because I want to be involved and I don't want to say no to opportunities that I like love and I want to be involved with, but I have to say no right now, Like I had to cancel a dinner with a new friend tomorrow, and I'm gonna have to cancel my babysitter that I had already canceled once and then I rebooked her because we changed the

date of the dinner. And then after I got no sleep for the past like two days, I had to cancel with this new friend. And I feel like a total butthole because I'm like, I just met this person. She's someone I want to pursue a friendship with. I think she's awesome. She invited me and Michael out to her house. She's cooking as dinner. We planned it a week ago. She really wants to make it special, and now here I am canceling. But I can't do it right now. I just can't do it because we're about

to travel for three weeks for Christmas. Sunday is gonna be all off her schedule. I'm sure she's gonna wake up. I'm gonna be exhausted, and I'm gonna be just a really shitty version of myself. I'm already so exhausted and barely hanging on. I can't join this committee and be on the spoort for the art arts. I mean I can totally lend my name and help in any way I can, but I can't do anything to Spearheaded right now,

which sucks. I want to. I can't go out to my new friend's house and have dinner with her tomorrow on a Sunday and have a babysitter come over and feed sending her bottle and potentially Sunday not drink the

whole bottle. What if she doesn't go to sleep? What if it's a like what if she all the what if that happened at nighttime with your baby that you're just I don't like to leave anywhere until thirty when she's already asleep, and I was gonna have to leave like four thirty, so then that's two feedings with someone else. What if she doesn't get her bottle down and then she I mean, you know what I'm saying, And I just like, I can't do it. I can't do it right now. I can't do it right now. And that's

why I cried. Because I'm trying to do too much. I'm trying to still keep my old life going. I'm trying to still be that person that says yes to everything. I'm trying to be involved. I'm trying to have people want me involved in trying to like be part of the community. But I just can't do it right now. I have to say no because I cannot wear myself.

Then yes, I need to go out and I need to take care of myself and do some things for me, which involves staying close to my house right now, like going on a walk, going up the street to a friend's house, going to hot yoga up the street. I mean it is, it's simple things for me, is what I need to do. I can't go to places that are thirty minutes away because that's an hour drive total. That's thirty minutes there, thirty minutes back. Sonny hates her

carcia right now, so she's crying the whole time. She won't need her bottle. Then I probably have to do two feedings on the road. Stress stress, stress, stress, sres stress stress. I can't do it right now. I have to say no, and that makes me feel like a total loser. But you know what I can't. I had this revelation today and I'm like, this is just where

I am. I have to prioritize myself and Sunny and my mental health which I'm not mentally unhealthy, but like my rest, I have to prioritize my rest because sleep deprivation is a real thing, and I can't push myself to the point where I'm falling apart, because then I'm not going to be a good mom. And this is just a season of life and it's where I am.

And I had a hard talk with myself because I drove home from our friend's party today send he did a great job, and now she's in sleep and it was so hard to get her bottle down, but I got it down. And I would never have wanted someone else to do it, because everyone else would have given

up on getting her bottle down, but I didn't. I changed her like a million different seats and positions and put her all over the place until she finally got it all down, burped her like four times, and yes, was it exhausting, uh huh, But it's worth it to me because I want a baby that sleep so night. And I swattered swallowed her really good, and then I got and the freaking bathtub at eight o'clock and now I'm talking to you guys, and I'm like, this is the only thing I can do. I had to canceled

my apprint lands tomorrow. I felt like a total asshole canceling with my new friend that I want to pursue this friendship with. But I said to myself, Karlen, you're gonna show up there and you're going to be a bad version of yourself. Yes. Can I put on the front and really go for it? Yeah? But am I going to break myself down because I'm trying too hard to do everything for everyone and keep my old life going. Yeah? So you know what, I sent her a voice memo.

I was really freaking honest. I spelled it out, what's going on. I told her that I'm just exhausted. We're about to travel three weeks, just freaking honest. I did the same thing for the woman who has been so awesome to include me in this art event that's coming to Nashville, and I spelled it out for her, and I said the truth. And I hate it that I can't do everything right now, but it is just where I am and I'm accepting that. And so I am just sharing my audio diary with you all right now.

I'm sharing where I am. I'm sharing with you all that I am having to say no. I'm in a season of no and I'm embracing it. And I have amazing friends, I have amazing family, and I'm accepting the fact that I don't show up and do everything. People are still gonna like me. I will still be included and stuff. But right now I cannot do it, and I have to choose myself, and I have to choose Sunny, and I have to filter everything through, and I have

to choose Michael obviously. But like we were always on the same page, as as like working together as a team, we're not always on the same page, but we're great at communicating what page we need to get on and expressing ourselves. So but like Sunny, she's a baby, she can't speak up. I have to choose her needs first.

I have to. That's just where I am in my life, and so that's my That's where I am, and it involves me being home a lot more, involves me being and stretch pants a lot more, and involves me having b O sometimes because I haven't taken a freaking shower and I've taken a nap instead of working out, and my hair is in a disgusting bun. But I'm not as exact as exhaust as I would have been if I tried to put all makeup, do my hair and

go somewhere and still be social. So I am learning how to let my old self die in order to become the best version of my new self, which I love and I am embracing. And it is a transition, and I hope that you can give yourself grace if you are transitioning into any new phase of life. It

doesn't even have to be a new motherhood. Maybe it's you're breaking up with someone, or maybe you're just getting married, or maybe you're moving cities, or maybe you have a new job, or maybe you just lost someone, or who knows what it is. But for whatever reason, if you were in a new transition of life, it's okay to say no. Just say no. It doesn't mean that you're not going to say yes again. It doesn't mean that

you're not going to find a new normal. But if you're overwhelmed, and if you're tired, and if you're showing up in a shitty version of yourself, and you're not being the best version of yourself because you're trying too hard to please other people when it's wearing you out say no, and trust that the people that love you are always gonna love you, and your passions are always going to be there, and your purpose is always going

to keep presenting itself, and just give yourself freaking grace. Amen. That's not a I'm not a preacher. I just that's my rant. I am very spiritual, but I'm not trying to say I'm a preacher, so please don't take that in that way. But that is how I feel. And now I'm going to go get in bed. I'm going to pump my boobs and I'm going to try to go to sleep until they wake me up again at three in the morning because I can't wait till eleven thirty to pump them. I can't. I have to go

to bed right this second. Or maybe I'll go to bed right now and just let him pump and pump them like three two in the morning. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it's gonna involve going to sleep really soon. And that's it. So I love you guys. Thank you all for joining me on my audio journal as I am chronicling my life as a new mom. I love you, guys, and these mom chats are very therapeutic for me, and I hope that they help you. And all your mom is out there, all your people

out there doing it, working hard. Give yourself a break, take your bath, take your shower, give yourself grace. Have a glass of wine if you want a glass of wine. I don't know want a drink right now, because I thought of having any sort of hangover sounds like sheer torture on top of sure, on top of exhaustion. So I love y'all, good night, and just have a little grace for yourself.