Mid Week Mom Chat: Joanne Jarrett.

the Fancy Free Podcast. I think it is such a great such a great motto, and such a great model for life and for moms and for women like to just go for life and don't worry about it. So tell me about the origination of Fancy Free Podcast. Yes, okay, Well, I have a blog and one day I got stuck in address at Dillard's and I wrote a story, a funny story about having gotten stuck in this dress at Dillards. When it happened, I had to have the sales girl come in and help me get out of this dress.

It's not it's not like the zipper was stuck. I was like, I wedged myself into a dress that was so much too small for me that I literally just could not get it off. And it was very humbling experience, because the whole reason I went down to Dillards is because I gained a little way and my mom had come and said, oh, they're having a sale. So I was searching through these racks and I was just leaving this one rack of clothes and I was searching through

and I found this top that I really liked. And then I was like, oh my god, there's the top my mom was wearing. Like somehow I must have gotten into the wrong department, Like my mom's super cuman stuff, but she's in her seventies. I don't want to dress like her. So so I hung a really hard right back into the department that I thought I was supposed to be in, like you know, the department you look longingly at when you walk by and go to the junior section with your kids. But it's not the old

Lady department either. So and then before as soon as I was like, oh crap, I just almost tried on an old Lady shirt, then um, I saw this dress. It was so beautiful. It was this chif funny kind of ivory, deep v with some black embroidery sort of short. I knew it was nothing my mom would ever try, and I'm like, yes, sister, you are my dress. So I take it in. I tried a whole bunch of

stuffs go and find. Then I put on the dress and it's a size large and it's um, it was kind of snug, and you know how you just kind of like try to shift it around and make it look a little more flattering than it naturally looks. And you're like, yeah, no, this is not working. It's just not going to make it. So I try to get it off. I can't get off. That's totally duck. And then I realized, oh, there's a zipper. So I lowered

the zipper and still stuck. So then the sales lady comes and she's like, you do it okay, and I'm like, I put the dress back down and I pop my head out him deep, this is a size large? Could she can see if you have that's an extra large. I'm like trying to buy myself some time. When she comes back, I'm still stuck and I open. She's like, no, that's as big as the dress. Come. This is a wonderful day for myself to speak, Like, the biggest dress they make is too small for me for the warm step.

So I'm like, can you please come in there? Were like I need help, and she comes in, shut the door, starts trying to help me get out of this dress. Well, it gets bench, it's starting to slide. I'm like, oh, thank god. I'm I'm squatting like a like an obedient toddler right with my hands panicking. Yeah, like I can feel the heat rising. I have to keep telling myself like, don't panic, this is okay, surely. I mean, I was like, I guess, worst case scenario, we tear the seams and

then I have to buy it. I could take it home and fix it. But anyway, So she starts getting the dress off of me and it and then she stops and I'm like, oh my god, what's the matter. And She's like, well, I have an injured shoulder. This is as high as I can go. So now I'm in a deep deep knee band trying to get help this lady get the dress off me. Finally she gets it off and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, thank you so much. Meanwhile, I can see feet in the in the in the trying you know, the room

next to me. I'm like, we're and we're not alone. But so I thought about asking her if I was her first, because she seemed like a really experienced sales lady, been there while. And then I was like, no, I just can't. I can't even handle it. I don't even want to know. So the next thing I know, I'm in my car and I'm like, Okay, I bought the top that I liked. I know I didn't steal it because I hear I have the receipt, like I got out of there. I don't think I you know anyway.

So but by the time I'm driving home, I've picked my daughter up from gymnastics, we are howling with laughter about this story, and it's just it's like, first I was embarrassed, then I was just amused. I was like, that's hilarious. So then by the time when we get home, I'm like, I'm gonna just make sure they don't have that dress in extra large because I'm somehow obsessed about that dress. Well they didn't. They only had it in

a large. I bought that thing hanging in my closet still doesn't fit but anyway, but some day it will. I then I wrote a story about it on my blog. I was like, oh my gosh, you guys have to hear funny thing that happened to me. And then I got so much feedback on Facebook, and oh, yeah, that happened to me. This happened to me. That happened to me. And I was like, wait, why aren't we telling each

other these stories? Why? I know that we tend to want to try to put our best foot forward, but wouldn't it be such a gift to each other if we could show the flip side of the coin every now and then and show each other our underbellies And and then I was thinking back, So so the story got published, and then it got published in this well on my blog and then in red Tricycle and which they do. What's your blogs? What's your blog so people can try? Your blog is Cozy Cozy Clothes blog dot com.

So it's because I designed a line of um women's lounge where that has a little soft shelf front. It's actually in manufacturing right now. The factories closed at the moment, but yeah, yeah, so it'll be it'll be for stale pretty soon. But so I I started the blog to to sort of chronicle that experience because a physician designing clothes, it's like, how's this happening? So I thought people might be curious about the process. So that's why I blog.

But anyway, so I wrote this article about getting stuck in its dress and it got picked up by Red Tricycle and they changed the name to we should be lowering the bar for each other. And this gal commented on that story saying, oh, you know, that title I thought was super misleading because I didn't think I was going to find a silly story about some girl getting

stuck in the dress. And it really got me to thinking, yeah, that is actually the main point of this story is that we need to be showing each other these things that happen are not so fancy moments, and we not just so that we all feel ss alone in our imperfection, but as a means towards connection, and as a mean towards shamelessness, and as as an avenue towards a ripple effective joy. Because so it reminded me of a Christmas party i'd gone to a few years before. My girlfriend

Karen had this party. She invited all of her girlfriends from different walks of life. So we were there. We all knew Karen, but a lot of us didn't know each other. We'd seen each other around kind of in the same general circles. But so it was one of those those parties where you steal a gift, so you get a number and then you open the gift. So much fun. So but she added something to it. She had when your number comes up to tell the most embarrassing story, Oh, isn't that great? And that was befo

way before I got stuck in the dress. But getting stuck in addressed kind of reminded me back to this story. This party. It's the hardest I've ever laughed at a party in all my life. It was like forty women telling their most embarrassing stories and you could see, you know, they're all there, so you can see their mannerisms in their body language. Is just like, oh my gosh. It

was the best ab workout. Like if you want to get together with your girlfriends and work out your abs without actually putting on your workout clothes to tell each other you're embarrassing stories. But I tell you, not only did it give me nuggets of things to go back and laugh about at random times later in the future. I mean, this is years ago. I'm still laughing about these stories. But but the more importantly it it forged such a such a sense of connection with these other women.

Like I would see the woman who told about her she was commando in soccer shorts and home depot and and her her kid pulled her shorts all the way down to the floor. She she she had to bend all the way down and get the pants and pull them up, you know, like so he bear bear booty is sticking straight up in the air at the home depot. She pulls her she pulls her pants back up, and then she's like, maybe nobody saw it, And she looks behind her. There's a home depot guy standing right behind.

So okay. Not only do I still laugh my face off about that story years and years later, but when I would see her in the school pickup line, I'd be like, there's my girl. You know, I love her, you know, and I just felt this connection. And um, I could just go on and on about how many connections I forged that day. It isn't that I had person to person interaction with everyone of those women at the party, and had I I wouldn't have forged such

good connections. But it's because as we sat there and we showed each other our underbellies, we showed each other our imperfections in our foibles. There was another great one. And I'm hoping to get this gal on the podcast. She's just so busy. She was on honeymoon at in some place I've never been, some proper paradise, and her bungalow was over the water and they had this glass coffee table that you could see the fish through the

coffee table. And she says she was getting ready for dinner and she had just got on the shower and she was naked, and she's like some for some reason, she's like kind of sitting on the coffee table and all of a sudden it breaks and she's like she's naked on this broken glass coffee table, like if she falls through, she will be an ocean naked. And her husband didn't know what to do, and she's hurt, you know, So it's calling, like he calls hotel employees in, and

so the hotel employees are marching in, one afternother. They get her under the bed and She's like, all I can think is suck it in, suck it in. You gotta pose with? Are all these strangers naked? So you know, it's just like and I love that woman to this day, and and it's not just that I love her for that story, but when things have happened in life, she's come to mind, and she and I have been able to be there for each other in ways that it would never have occurred to us to be before we

knew those stories about each other. So it's almost just like this fast forward to intimacy, Yes, but it isn't. It's not the false intimacy that we sometimes try to put on when we meet someone that we think we would really get along with, so we just kind of start acting like we know I'm better than we do. It's not like that. It's like, I've seen the inside of your messy self, sister, and I know that you

and I are similar in that way. Not only are we similar, we're willing to share it and so therefore we're connected on a deeper level. So I started my podcast because I thought, I want everybody to have a place to share these stories, and I want to have a place where people can listen to these stories so that when they're having a bad day they can get

a belly laugh. When they leave their kid somewhere and show up to the school event with out the kid, they can realize they're not the only one with the mom fail, you know. So, And it has just been so so much fun. It's just it's just a blast. But it's been I've been talking to people all around the world, and I've just I just feel so much

more connected and I've just heard something. So the other thing I do is so every time I get a woman on the phone, not only do I hear about or not so fancy stories, but then I talk about what is your life about, what are your passions, what are you what's the message you're trying to get out into the world. And so I've just had some really deep, interesting, awesome conversations with women. I think this is such a

great podcast because I am for my podcast too. I am all about women and sharing our journeys and our truth and the vulnerable stuff underbelly. I love how you say the underbelly. But don't we need to laugh in this world? Like I feel man humor will change someone's entire perspective that day on a situation like you could have left your Dillard's experience where your dress was too small,

and you could have kept that to yourself. You could have even felt shame about it, you know, you could have like internalized it as for what the laundry list of things that we all can be insecure about, you could have come up with one that resonated with you, and that could have been that, and then you would have moved on and carried that little secret shame around you. But instead you are taking a funny experience that just

isn't defining you at all. It's just an experience in your life that didn't go perfectly, and you're finding a humor in it. You're willing to share about it, and then other people can step up and be like, oh my gosh, yes that is that isn't exactly what happened to me, but this happened to me, And then you don't all of a sudden, this like fake layer of shame or like embarrassment or insecurity that we would have lived with. Now a sudden, it's completely lifted. We realized

everybody has ship that they're dealing with. Everybody has dresses it don't fit everybody move somebody in the in the departments. I mean, it's just like, but it is so important to share those messages just to take away that pressure of having to be perfect. And I just think this is such a great platform that you're creating. Oh thank you. I'm just having so much fun with it. It is

it's it's just m yeah. I feel like it's very devetailed with your mission, which is just to get real, because it's not just it's like it takes a bad situation and it flips it on its head. You know, it's not just it's not just that I can be okay with it. It's that I can I can send out this this um, this love and this message of connectedness and just bring about some shameless Yeah. I think

shame is a really really important topic. And I feel like you kind of hit it on the head with that because we can take an experience like that and we can internalize that to well, I must be bad. But so just not doing that. It's like I saw mean the other day that said if you find if you can find the humor in a situation, you're there, And I didn't. I wasn't always like that because you

take myself too seriously. Really, It's like, yeah, well, I have another story about how I was at a swim meet and I got a piece of toilet paper stuck to the back of my black pants. But I didn't know it for like three hours, and I was timing at the swim meat. So when you're timing, you lean over the edge of the pool like every you know, minute,

thirty seconds with your stop watch. And finally one of the swimmers was brave enough to tell me about those toilet paper and I was like, oh my god, I'm not embarrassed, Like I finally have either given up online, which I do not think I have, or I've finally grown into myself to the point where little embarrassing things like that do not shake the foundation of who I know I am. And furthermore, you know, we can turn it around, as you know, and make it a gift

to other people. So if you've had a toilet paper tail, you probably yeah, it's just it's just so much gosh, what finally turned for you? Because I always like to know those moments in people's life. What was the moment when you're like, I'm not going to feel embarrassed about imperfections that happened in life to everybody, like I'm gonna learn to laugh at it, Like when did that which happened for you? You know, I think it might have happened around a MOPS table. Are you familiar with mops?

It's mothers of preschoolers and it's kind of this international nondenominational Christian thing. Will you get together twice a month, you have a speaker, You're at the same table every time, so you get to know the ten women at your table. There's usually a leader, and then there are a bunch of moms with preschool kids, you know, babies up to three,

and then there's a mental mom at each table. Well, I was a practicing family physician before I have my kids, and I was always took myself sup seriously, own worst critic, everything's life and death, which a lot of it was. You know, it's like you just can't can't screw up. And all of a sudden, I and I'd waited six years to have my first baby because Scott and I had been in education forever and the only thing I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom.

But here I was thirty years old with no baby. So finally I had my first baby. I thought, listen, I'm a trained physician, I've been married six years. I've wanted a baby all my life. And suddenly I'm realizing, like, uh, this is hard, Like this is not as easy as I thought it was gonna be. I don't feel as happy as I thought I was going to. So I really needed that relationship with other women. And and a lot of my friends had already had their kids, are

already you know, older, or they hadn't had any. Yeah. So but I got to this this meeting with these other moms of babies, and I sort of started to since that they were maybe impressed by the fact that I was a physician, and I was like, oh, uh, don't you dare be impressed by me? I am a freaking mess right now, Like yes, like school did things, I do well. We all have our thing. That's how

it defines me, and my roles don't define me. And and so I really got I think it was there that I started like going, I'm going to tell you all these crazy, funny things because I'm so desperate to hear that note that other people are struggling to for them more. I want to show you that I'm not who you think I am. As far as just because I have this title behind my name, I deserve some kind of respect from somebody I don't. So I think it was then, and I was I was thirty, and

it was about thirty thirty one when that happened. And and and you know what, the world did not explode. I wasn't perfect. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. These women still liked me. We we we're I'm still friends with those women. So and I'm a lot older now, my kids are teenagers now. I

totally agree. I think that when I feel like I finally had that turning point, also probably around thirty where it's like my whole twenties, I was so concerned with body image and like I struggled like eating disorders, and I wanted to be accepted and wanted to be liked and wanted to be validated. And you're on stage, so that's your that's even like way more amplified because you are in the public eye. Oh yeah, and you want everyone to think that you're good enough and all this stuff.

But like secretly inside I was like Oh my gosh, if they actually find out who I really am, no one's gonna like me at all. So let me put up this big front. And then finally you get to this place where you're like, I am so tired of this, and I think that I slowly let myself get to know women and realize that everyone was going through journeys

to the point where now I'm like you. With my platform, I'm like, I am singing it loud and proud, swinging it from the rafters, telling everyone my flaws to give people also the freedom which I feel like you are doing two to just be okay with being a hot mess, because we're all hot mess. Like it's not a big deal,

and it's funny. If you're perfect, nobody will like you because they won't be able to relate to you, and I think they're not going to get anywhere in life, and you're lying, and I don't want to hang out with the wire exactly that nobody will believe you. If they do believe you, they won't like you. It's no good either way. I am now to the point where if I'm around someone and they are so closed off with me that they don't they're not willing to share.

I'm like, I can't continue. I can like be around you and like be nice to you in social settings, so like I cannot pursue deep relationships and invest times people if they aren't willing to share. Also because I'm like, what are we doing here? Like, what is the point of this if we're not going to share and help each other? To me, it's to help you, Yes, whether it does and if you forge that connection, That's what

I'm after. I'm after heart to heart connection. I mean, I'm all done acting like you know, I've got it all, you know, put together, and I'm just this perfect like sorority girl with all the tin outfits for the ten different parties. You know. I was. Do you know that movie Steal Magnolias where with the gal says laughter through tears is my favorite emotion. Well, I feel like depth through humor is my favorite conversation, and so I want

to be deep. I want to go deep with someone, but we have to laugh about it, Like I laugh. I mean, things are serious and I'm not trying to negate the fact that sometimes things are not laugh worthy. And so I always tell my guests, I don't want you telling a story you're not ready to laugh about, because it is the process. When something happens that you that really hurts you, it's okay to let it hurt you for a while. I'm not seeing to completely ignore

those feelings. I had all the feelings when I got stuck in the dress. I was just over it by the time my daughter got in the car, you know, but I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I've let myself get this heavy where you know this and that and oh, I just I used to love clothes. It used to be one of my favorite things. And now like, I'm really struggling there. Of course you're gonna

fill all those things. But as soon as you're ready to share, and even maybe right before you're ready to laugh at it, if you talk to somebody you really trust, she'll show you how to laugh about it. And so I think having those those girlfriends who can easily see the humor and things, but you know they love you, so they're not laughing at you. They're just helping you laugh along with them about the situation. It's cool and

it's just so it's just it's great. And you know, when I had a thing happened to me when I was a little girl. I haven't really thought about you're bringing this out. I went to a slumber party once when I was like seven years old, and I told a story and these were girls I didn't know very well. We just moved and I told a little story that I thought was funny crickets, And in that moment I thought, I'm not I guess I'm not funny. And I grew my whole life. I grew up saying I love to laugh,

but I'm not funny. That I say that all the time. I always say I love to other people, but I'm not funny. Yeah, ridiculous. I've listened to you. But see, we we we sell our We sell ourselves as you know, this bill of goods that isn't maybe even necessarily true, but we internalize. It's like, if you can see the humor in a situation, you are funny. You don't have to come up with the material. Life gives you the material,

you know. And that's what I finally, I finally realized, is that if I can just see the humor in something and try to share that genuinely with someone else, to to do, like I have a mutual laugh. That's what being funny is. It's but it's a vulnerable thing. And I don't try to be funny. I just love to laugh. So right, yeah, I think I think maybe what you're saying is you're not aiming to be funny, but you you're easy to laughter because you do love to see the humor in life. And that took me

a while to figure out. So when you are seeing the humor in life, are you now trying to just catch funny moments and point them out? That how you do humor? Yeah, so this is this is my challenge to the listeners is start going through your day searching for nuggets that you can save to tell someone later to make themselves feel better about themselves. Okay, give me an example of day. Yeah, okay, so one day I

was going into the UPS store. I like to do a lot of shopping online, especially now that we are living in nowhere and so there therefore you're at the UPS store a lot returning stuff, right because I had a stylists tell me once, if you're not returning the stuff you're buying and you're keeping stuff that doesn't fit. So anyway, at the UPS store, and I drive this silver suv. It's like this generic momobile, right. So I

come out of the store. I opened the door in my car and I cheek in to go sit in, and I suddenly realized I'm sitting on a man's lap, and I'm like, I'm so sorry. That's gonna hurt ears. I'm sorry you might have to, but I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm saw look my cars are, and I'm like trying to make him turn your head and look, I swear to you my car is right there, and it's the same kind of car, same color, sing everything. Okay, So I file that away. Then, uh, several months later,

my daughter is in a musical theater production. I'm we here in Missola. We have this outdoor ice cream place called the Big Dipper, and it's close to the theater. So a lot of times after they do their show, they'll the cast I want to go get ice cream and sort of sit outside and mill around. Well, I'm an introvert and I'm done for the day. So I'm like, that's fine, honey, you just do that and I'll sit in the car and wait, which I'm perfectly happy with.

I'm listening to podcasts. I'm having a ball, and um, I see a couple of the cast members kind of walk by, and these are like anywhere from teenagers to adults and everything in between. This group was the young adult and this I see him walking by, and then all of a sudden, my passenger seat my door opens over here, but I can see my daughter over there,

so I know she's I know she's not ready. And this kid starts climbing in my car and we make eye contact with each other, and he's like oh, and he shuts the door and he starts running, and I'm like, no, no, no, I'm not gonna let him ashamed of this or feel bad anyway. So I burst open the door and I'm like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, it's not as bad as the time I sat and the guy slapped outside

of the ups store. So they came back and we're like laughing about this and where I could just see the tension drain from his body and yeah, and later my daughter's And at the time I didn't even tell my daughter because I thought I'm not gonna that kid was obviously very embarrassed, you know, if that wouldn't even embarrass some people, but that kid I could tell was kind of anxious and upset, kind of a kid and just, um,

not super comfortable in his own skin. Oh what like I was that that you know totally maybe that old, but yeah, So anyway, I was like, I'm not gonna tell Bailey because um, it's not her business honestly to know to know this. I trust my daughter, but I tried to model not gossiping to my kids. So anyway, I hadn't told her. Well anyway, several weeks later, they got into this conversation and he realized that she was my daughter, and he goes, your mom is one of

the coolest people I've ever met. That was so sweet of her. She leapt out of her car, and I'm like, oh, I just didn't want I'm feeling bad. I'm like the mama bear kicked in and I was like, I'm not letting that boy walk away feeling bad about this, you know. So that's that's a perfect concrete example of how you know, I could have just died. I practically sat on a man's lap straight and he wasn't even that nice about it. I think he was just shocked. I don't blame him. Right.

I could have just been like, I hate myself, I'm gonna go and bury myself in a hole. But it's you know, I did feel a little bad about it for all my hearts pounding, whatever, But later I was able to use that nugget as a gift to the boy who almost climbed in the back of my car. So, you know, not only do do do I love to reach back in my memory banks and laugh about my stories and your stories and anybody's stories who anybody who will share their stories with me. That's a really wonderful gift.

But the deeper gift is that I can then use that to make someone else feel not so alone. And wow, I just I just love it. It's just so much fun. So my challenge to your listeners is to go about your life noticing your foibles and as soon as you're ready to laugh about it. Foibles f o I b l S. I think it's an old lady word. I think what is it mean? When I was watching, it just means like you're foibles is like mistakes, you're not so fancy moments. Basically, I think I might be using

it wrong. I don't know, but anyway, notice notice the things that you do that you're not that are not so fancy in the moment, and as soon as you're ready to laugh about it, tell someone about it, and I bet you anything, it will remind them of something that they did and it just creates this ripple effect of joy and you don't have to I mean, you can save it, like I didn't necessarily save this sitting on the guy's lap in the ups store for that

particular moment. But it's just I think because I was in the mindset of noticing these funny things and then being ready to whip them out when I need to, that I had that ready to go. So and you know, I don't know if you know anything about Angiograham the number, So I'm a two taker, Yeah, exactly. So I feel like maybe that's why this has resonated so strongly with me, because it's like, even as an introvert, I like, I know, people don't really think I come off that way, but

I am. But it's the helper in me to want so badly to create comfort and to make everybody feel comfortable in a situation, and to help anybody who might be sort of on the fringe, to to pull him into into relation that that I that I just love this so that yeah, I I just feel like it's a it's the caretaking part of me that has latched onto this um concept and it's just so much fun. Well, you really actually totally opened my mind up to to a new concept, to this concept which I hadn't even

thought about as humor as like therapy. Like I knew humor made you feel so good and I love to laugh, but like I hadn't really thought of it so intentionally like you are thinking of it. You know. It's like I always thought, oh, yeah, humor is so fun, but I kind of take it lightly. But actually humor is

a saving grace. It really can really help people, Like like with that boy that got in your car, he could have been so embarrassed and that could have been something that he carried around him like you did when you were seven, that you're not funny. What if that was a moment that he would have carried around with him forever of embarrassment that he shamed himself over when really giving him some humor allowed him to release it. And I mean, I'm not saying it changes the whole

course of someone's life. But it actually really can be a medicine and a cure and would be yeah, it can be a lifeline. You never you're walking around this world you have there's no way we can tell who needs a lifeline. Some people can be right on the edge, and you just never know when you might toss out a little lifeline that they might grab onto you and you'll just go about your day. You won't know. But a little kindness, a little humor, a little yeah, me too,

a little eye contact, Hey, how you doing. It's things like that that I think can push someone just ever so slightly into the moving in the other direction to where it could have a ripple of like the butterfly effect, it could have a big impact in their life. So you just never know, And I think that is an easy gift to give each other. I love that brain chemistry.

I mean, think about brain chemistry. When we laugh with each other, we are producing brain chemicals that are like the same chemicals that we produced when we're bonding with our baby or you know what I mean. So it's and I don't know all the biochemistry behind it, which actually I should look into because I would find that very fascinating. But I haven't yet, but yeah, so man, you're you're giving me out, You're bringing out all this stuff.

This is really interesting. You're good at this. What's your Instagram number? I'm I'm a four, So I am like a romantic and individualist, like I'm a creator, cre native and so like I lov being it four because I'm always thinking creatively and um but gosh, the depth that I feel, it's you think deeply. Authenticity is so important to you, yeah, I hear, yeah, yeah. The way I

exhausted myself as a two. Yeah, well, and you have sometimes you just have to go wack your wounds and be by yourself and not worry about things for a couple of days. But the way I exhaust myself is I feel everyone's feelings so hard. Like the other day, I walked into the garage and my husband was like, o hey, and I was like, are we mad at me? I mean, like, that's how hard I feel other people's feelings. I'm like, oh, good lord, Joe, And that's ridiculous, you know.

But there are I mean, there are pluses and minuses to each personality type. And I can see how being a four would be so exhausting because you are just deep into it, for you're deep into and wanting to make meaning out of it and wanting to be athic but also the visual and wanting to make sure you will allow space for everyone else to do that as well. And yeah, well, and sometimes I'll just go down a rabbit hole and I'll just spiral so deeply that I feel like I feel the weight of the whole world.

I'll create whole situations for people, and I'll like create the pain they're going through, and then I'll sit in their story that I make up in my mind based on like pieces that I've put together from seeing them and whatever some social media platform or TV or news

or whatever, or briefly hearing their story. I'll create a whole scenario of their life and I will just feel the pain all the way to the when they were born as a child, walk through it, when they were growing up, with where they weren't nurtured, where they were like like all the things that I'm like, I am

making this up. I don't know what they are going through, and I am absolutely crushing my own spirit because I am so worried that this person isn't fulfilling their destiny and being loved and being seen for who they are, and I need to help them be seen so they can flourish and find their purpose. And then I'm like, Caroline, it is not my job to save the whole world. Like I can't. It's too exhausting. I don't know everyone needs. Like it's a very Egoyes told me to think that

I know what everyone needs. That is so interesting. Susanne Stabield as aniagram teaching and she's a too as well. But I think this thing she says to herself might be helpful for you because she's a helper and a fix her and she she says, She'll and I do the same thing. She'll sit in restaurants and she'll hear snippets of stories, and all of a sudden she's like, I gotta help these people. But what she says to

herself is, Suzanne, is this yours to do? And you might even you might even say to yourself, Caroline, is this year's to know? Is this? Is this your your mystery to solve? Because we I do the same thing. I make stories up about people, I fill in the blanks. I I go worst case scenario, which maybe is partly my medical training and I think, oh my gosh, I need to help this person or that person, or I

need to like involve myself in the situation. And I've had to really step back, especially being a mom of teenagers, because it's not mine to do. They have to figure these things out for themselves. And the pain that I perceive some of my kid's friends to be in hurts me so deeply. But unless I have something specific on which I should intervene, it just doesn't mind to do. I'm like, honey, if that kid needs some mom and you bring him right over and I'll take him to

you know, take him to my bosom. But but you know, if they don't open themselves up to that, then it is not mine to do. But so you really have to catch yourself. Yeah, it's but it's hard because we we feel man. Man, I know it's a blessing and its occurs, and but you know what, just like you are saying, you have to create boundaries with it. And

that is what I'm really realizing my life. And I'm so glad that you have flowed into my life because truly you are giving me a perspective right now of humor. It's such an important thing. Tell me what you said again. And you want depth with humor? What is your your your your tagline about Yeah, so, um, humor through depth or depth through humor, I say it back and forth is my favorite conversation. So laughter through tears was her

favorite emotion. Depth through humor is my favorite conversation. So that is I love. I'm really inspired by you. I'm going to try to start incorporating some more humor into my conversations because that is a healing gift. Like you said, it's a gift to to find some humor in that way. And it doesn't have to nervous, it doesn't see I think we assume if we're laughing, we're not going deep or that we're like regarding their pain or something. Yes, yes, yeah, and and so, but it does and have to be

that way. We can have these deep conversations, we can see the humor in them and we can connect that way. And um, yeah, it's just you can ask. It's such a good icebreaker. You can ask somebody and and you you might want to give them heads up. And it's not something that's very easy to answer off the cuff, like what is your most embarrassing moment? Because I swear to you, every time I have a guest, they tell me a story I think about that I've forgotten all about.

Like just earlier today, I remembered about the time that I was in a ben breakfast with my husband and I, you know, we're getting all romantic, and I reached my foot down and I feel something and I pull out these dirty, tidy whities that I'm just like. Um. That was only embarrassing because then it caused a fight with my husband and I called the proprietor of the place and complained and everything. So anyway, that's not my fineness hour. But I had not thought about that story in so long,

and so I talked to my niece. I interviewed her early on the podcast, and she goes, she was a visiting. She goes, I don't know aunt too, and she's in early twenties. I don't know if I have any stories. Well, she had some time she sat down in an airport. Her list was two pages long in her phone by the time we did the interview. So these things don't come up easily because our defense mechanism is to forget them and smush them down. But if we can kind of bring them out. It's it's not only a gift

to ourselves because that's funny. I mean, those things are funny. We laugh about him brings joy, but then it just brings so much joy to each other. And such a good ice speaker. So yeah, if you ever, if you ever give like preparatory questions for interviews, that would be one. I think for somebody to bring you a nugget like that and you could you know, if you start off talking like that, it just the conversation just flows and you just realize you're connecting on a deeper level, even

with with laughter. So yeah, I love that. Okay, So I want to briefly talk to you since you are a physician. We are in this really weird time, like the coronavirus is hitting the entire world and everyone has a lot of fear. There's a lot of confusion. So much of our economy is shut down right out. Parents are worried about their kids, even though kids aren't supposedly contracting it easily at all. Um, what is give us some physicians advice on how to walk through this, especially

as parents with children, Like how how do you do? What? Does? Some just give us some advice. Yeah, I was born a germaphobe. When my kids were young and we'd go into public restrooms, I'd be like, heyn did the air head there. Um, So I think it's really important to teach your kids where the dirty places are in public places without killing their joy. And I've had to really find that balance as a physician and mom. We the

very first time we went to Disneyland. I ruined the first day because every time one of my kids touched a hand rall, I was like, So I realized that, you know, we can strike more fear than as healthy kids. And so I think teaching just general good basic personal hygiene is very important. Um. The whole not touch in your face thing is pretty new and it is brilliant. I think that's really gonna if we can ingrind that

in our case, it's really gonna change things. Um. But too, I feel like we need to put care in front of fear, and we need to put faith in front of fear. So that's not as much coming from the doctor part of me as the faithful part of spiritual part of me. But I feel like, of course we need to be careful, and of course we need to follow guidelines, but sitting inside your home reading every single negative story you can get your hands on and letting

your anxiety spiral out of controls helping no one. So if you're somebody who loves all the information and needs that to feel okay, that's okay. If you're somebody who spirals with anxiety, give yourself a time limit. You will look at news for five minutes a day. You want to stay informed, but you do not want to wallow. Stay home when you can. If you have to go to the market, just stay away from people. Don't touch

your face as soon as you can. Wash your hands with warm water if you when you get my husband and I even will just take a um. We take a disinfectant wipe in the store with us. We use it to open the door, we use it to wipe down the car, and then we have it so we can clean our hands, and then when we get back to the car do hand sanitizer. When we get home, we wash with hot, hot water and soap. So I feel like you know, there are always people on either

end of the spectrum. There are the cavalier cowboys think nothing's gonna hurt me, and then there are the people who are so wallowed down in their fear that they're crippled. Neither neither extreme is good. So keep you know, bess, be careful and be safe and follow guidelines, but don't let yourself spiral into fear. And help your neighbor. I think that we can all like, I know one of your neighbors has toilet paper. I know one of your neighbors has eggs. You know, I know you probably have

a neighborhood needs to be checked on. We um we live out in the country, so we only can see two houses from where we live. But one of our neighbors is a widow and he or a widower. And my husband called them before we went to the grocery store last time, and he's he's totally functional and independent. He's a great guy, and he needn't he didn't need anything.

He said, he was good. But then his granddaughter friended me on Facebook just so she could send me a thank you message, thank you for checking on my grandpa. So I feel like this is a very unifying time for us. If we can some of us will fall ill. Yes, there's nothing we can do to prevent. There's nothing we can do to prevent further people from falling ill. It's gonna happen. The ball is already rolling in our country.

We can help each other, we can bond together, we can be careful, we can be cautious, and we cannot let ourselves spiral into fear. That is really great advice. That's really great advice. That's really great advice because it is like I was not expecting. I wasn't expecting you to ask medical advice. So I'm like, oh, here's the thing.

It's so funny though. I recorded a podcast episode about the coronavirus and COVID nineteen and I totally did it from my faith perspective, and um, you know, being able to put faith in front of fear as I'm a very very anxious person by nature, and I just think it's a miracle that I can even function right now, and it's because of my faith. But but I told my mom, oh, yeah, I recorded a special episode about the coronavirus, and she says, yeah, because you you know,

you actually are an authority on medical things. And I go, you know what, mom, The thing is, this is new to all of us. I'm not an authority. There aren't authorities right now, we're learning as we go, so it's really hard to say medically exactly what's going to happen. What did you What were some of the highlights of

the podcast that you did on the coronavirus? Well, my I read the lyrics from a song called what If by Nicole Noordaman, and she basically wrote it as an apology to a friend in college that she always argued with about is there a God? Because she was coming from a biblical worldview and he was coming from an atheist worldview, and her song was basically an apology saying, you know what, I'm so sorry. I tried to cramp that down your throat. I can see things from your perspective,

but can you just consider what if? So what I really said in my podcast For the people who think that I'm completely bonkers to think there's a God and I'm going to heaven when I die, That's okay. I get that I'm a very intellectual person sometimes, um, but what if you're wrong? What if there is a God?

What if you were made with a purpose and on purpose and with love and painstakingly by a creator who loves you and can't wait to be in relationship with you once your time on this earth is done, and even you know from now on if you if you allow it. And so basically I just said, here are some resources if you want to start thinking about this in your life. Here are some places to start, because I have people in my life that are on all ends of the spectrum. My dad was basically agnostic slash

atheist the whole time I was growing up. My mom was Christian. My sister and I were raised Christian, but we we were raised just basically to love and respect people no matter where they're coming from. I can't judge your compass. You can't judge my compass. My compass is the Bible. I don't know what your compass is. Sometimes I don't read my compass very well. Sometimes I lose it, I drop it, I let it break, you know what I mean. And so we're all just doing the best

we can. But I am convinced that the Biblical worldview is the right world view, and there's so much hope in that. So I just wanted to give that to people, even though it's very outside of my comfort zone. I like to just I like to go deep and I like to laugh, but I don't we don't tend to usually talk about faith on my podcast. We talk about things that are sort of affecting us day to day

on in emotional intellectual ways. But faith is a hard one because people really feel strongly about it, and you kind of if you don't know where someone's coming from. I don't want to offend and I don't want to turn someone off because if you just think I'm bonkers and and I completely convince you that you're right, that this is, you know, fruitless, then that's a disservice and I don't want to do that. So how did you

tie that into the virus situation? Okay, because um, I met a young man who was going through some depression a couple of days ago, and we did not get to talk very long. We're talking briefly, and he told me I am terrified to die. And that's what he's taking away from this situation right now with this virus. He's in his thirties, he's a you know, a healthy guy, and he is shaking in his boots terrified. And that I can't tell you is you're not going to die

of COVID n T. You probably won't. Like statistics are basically I mean, you guys, this is it's scary, and it's new every and everything. But if we you know, perspective wise and numbers wise, we're none of us are at very high risk. Um. But what I what I saw was the desperation in him that he doesn't know what happens after he dies. Therefore he's terrified. And I thought, I want people to know that I have for me, I haven't figured out, and I just wanted to give

people resources to start looking into it themselves. Right now, while we all have more time at home, we have time to reflect. It's a really good time to look into it. You know, what do you think about eternity? What do you think about life after death? What do you think about God? Where do you think we came from? And there are resources and and we can start to kind of look into that and start to kind of educate ourselves and start to really kind of look into

what we think. Because I think a lot of people will say, yeah, I believe there's a God between they never really look into it more deeply than that. And it's time now to look into it more deeply, I feel, because I feel like the more sure we are about our our life after death that more abundantly we can live our life here on earth because it frees us from so much anxiety. So that's how I into and

I love that. I love that you started off by saying, like, I can totally see your perspective, but maybe there's another perspective, and I I walk that same line, like I will not the same one as you. We all have our own personal faith, but like I'm very spiritual, I'm very connected to God, but I also love to have my hands held open for everyone. I think it's just so

important that you find your own way with God. And like, however you find that connection for me, I'm like, just for your own set self and your own peace of mind. Like you say, if you can find the connection with this higher power, this bigger source of love, it really does free you up from so much anxiety and fear on this earth. And I'm also like you, I have

a ton of anxiety. The only way I get rid of my anxiety is when I am in constant prayer and walking with God and like feeling feeling that presence that there's something so much bigger happening here and God will use all of this for something good. Ultimately, and I have to believe that or else, especially now being a new mom, I it just I fall apart daily. If I don't keep God at the forefront of my mind.

It's just too many things to worry about. Yeah. It's like when I was in residency, I thought, I freaking love my job. It's so fascinating. I get to help people, like get figure things out them. If you're on thirty medications, great, I'm so fascinating. I'm gonna figure it all out. And then all of a sudden, when I was done with residency and I didn't have attending physicians in the buck stopped with me. I can't real scary, real fast for me.

And I feel like that that's you're You're deciding what people's fate is in their health. Yeah, to check with Yeah, to prescribe on what to diagnose them would wow, that's a big responsibility. What to downplay and what to look into. And I would sit straight up in the middle of the night and think, oh my gosh, I didn't check this on that, this, that about this patient or whatever, and I'd freak out, you know, And I remember, um,

right around nine eleven, that's how old I am. I was in the shower when I learned about the twin towers going down, and I was on my way to work, and I remember I had I had my little flip cell phone in my bathroom, and I was real worried about patient of mine and I I just looked up her phone number in the computer system and called her at home. Right then, I was like, that's it. I can't. I just can't handle all this worry and all this

everything go not at once, and so I am. I feel like, if you think the buck stops with you on this earth, that's a lot of pressure. But knowing that the buck act actually doesn't stop with us, and that there is a bigger plan and that there is a you know, a God, and that there is a a loving God who's who's who's looking out for us and has a plan to me, that just alleviate's a

lot of that buck stops with me anxiety. And I think that, um, yeah, we just we need that, we need that more than ever in this in this life. And like you said, it's going to look different for everyone. And I definitely don't want to be pushy, but um, what I really think people need to say is at least this, Hey, God, are you there? Like, if you're there, will you show me in a way that resonates with me.

There's no harm in that, I swear, even if you're an atheist, even if you're dyeing in the wool atheist, there's no harm in saying that in your head to God. You know, there's just there's no downside to it. My my husband is now. Look, he's knocking on the window with my baby. He's sitting there knocking on the window with my baby saying mom, Mom, need milk, need milk. Okay,

Joe and I have love chatting with you. I want you to quickly tell us where everyone can find you and tell me all of your links, your social media's, your new clothing line coming out. Tell me all that really fast, and to ask you one more question to wrap it up, Wrap it up, okay. You can find my podcast at Fancy Free Podcast dot com. My blog blog is Cozy Clothes Blog dot com, and my shop is Shelfy Shop s H E L f I E s H O P p E. We're still in production.

You can see what my products are there, but you can't order yet, or if you do, it'll be back ordered. Um. On Instagram, I'm I've got dishues because I've always got a you know, stack of dishes in the sink. That's that's my personal Instagram. Then I also have a Fancy Free Podcast Instagram and a Shelfy shop. Cozy Clothes is

my other Instagram. On Facebook, I have Fancy Free Podcast Facebook, a Shelfy Shop Facebook, and then I have a Facebook group called the Fancy Free Group where we can tell each other our embarrassing stories in the privacy of this little group. Um that those are the most the main places where you can find me. You've got a lot of outlets. Uh, it's I was just talking to somebody earlier today, like help me streamline this? This too much? I mean that's a lot. I like it all though. Okay,

So the podcast is Fancy Free Podcast dot com. It is, and you can find that wherever podcasts are. Okay, So I wrap up with every person. UM, My final question is leave your light. What do you want people to know? I want people to know that you don't have to take life so seriously, that you can find humor in most things. That it is not trivial, but it can be life changing to just show your underbelly and share your humor with the world. I love that, Joanne, thank

you for joining me. Fancy free podcast. Um, and this is airing tomorrow. Who awesome? Now you're so efficient? Well, Caroline, thank you so much for having me. This has been a joy. I feel like I could talk to you all day. I know me too. Okay, don't hang up. I'm gonna end this recording, but then, um, don't hang up yet. Okay, bye, Okay By