Mid-Week Mom (Bestie) Chat: Bri Lundeen.

I call her like a little Jackie. Oh, super responsible and organized and knows all the things, and so she kind of leads away on what we should be doing and how things are going with our baby. I looked to you for a lot of advice. Well, I looked to you. I don't know everything. Oh you do anything. I just love. I like to figure it out, Like what's gonna work for me? How ill have you figured things out? Um? I just like a lot of the Internet,

a lot of blogs. Um. But when I find something I love, you know it because I can't as stop talking about it, Like I should be paid by a lot of people to talk about their products, because once I love it, I love it. So tell me the things that you found that you just love. I love taking care of babies. Oh that that site, it's a website. Yes. I looked to her for everything if I just need like a pick me up, or if I'm gonna go somewhere,

like she kind of helps me. This is like mom related, meaning, Um, I just kind of always looked to her. Um. She's just such a calming person and she's fun and she just makes it. She helps bring me, helps to me realize that it's gonna be. Okay, isn't that what we all need have realized as a new mom and someone who has anxiety, which is myself. Yes, okay, so you have anxiety to have. Becoming a new mom just made me have even more anxiety than I've ever had, because, ay,

this love is bigger than anything you've ever known. But you were solely responsible for this child, and I just got overwhelmed because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to follow it and know who to listen to it, didn't know what was right. Ever, some people are doing this, other people during this. Some people swear by this. Other people say don't do that, And it's like if you doubt yourself already, which I do. It's like how do I even know what to what

to do, what to do and who to follow? So I love that you found someone that spoke to you, which is taking care of babies. And it's C A r A Babies. Yeah right, she's from Arizona. But I found her because you know, it's like some I believe in seeing signs like me too, Like it just it felt right. And I remember I was going I had already found like a couple of months before. But this was when Poppy was six months and it was Labor Day weekend and we were going to go to Christ's

friend's house to watch the Auburn game. And I was like, the game starts to eight thirty. I can't take my baby. She has to go to bed, she has to go to just do that. Like I'm just not going to go. And my mom and dad were in town, my brother and his wife had just come in from California, and we were all going to go, and I was like,

I'm not going. I can't go. And her post came up like right on time and said, you cannot put your life on hold because of your baby, And I just I always wanted to be the mom that was like all right, let's go, and then here I was six months in and I'm like, like can do it. I can't do it. I can't do it because I just was so consumed and like I don't even know what like looking back, like I know it's like the new mom feelings, but I don't even know why. Like

my baby is gonna sleep, it's gonna be okay. But I was so worried about like getting her off scheduled because I've just gotten her on his schedule and it just it's just it's just too much. But taking care of baby, she's just like you can't you have to go out and have fun with your friends. You have to go out with your family because that fuels you. Like you have to find like what keeps me going as a person, because I can't be the mom I want to be. I can't find me as a person.

That is crucial business that you just dropped right there. You if you lose yourself completely as a mom, Okay, let's be real. We're going to lose ourselves on some level when we become moms. It happens. But if you it's almost like a rebirth, maybe not losing in oneself. It's a rebirthing of like you, this baby is born into the world, and they say this, the same day your baby is born is the same day a mom is born, you know, so we're both being born. Um

me myself. I can't lose that, right, You can't lose who you are because if you do, then you're just gonna spot not you, anyone with a spiral and you you've gotta you've gotta keep a sliver of yourself in there, right, And I think it takes finding a long I mean, it took me probably like ten nine nine, ten eleven months and to finally realize, like what was fueling me? Like, of course I love seeing our friends and I love you know. I mean, I am a working mom. I

like going to work, like using my brain. Not to say that non working moms don't use the brain, because we all do, but like I like getting out of the house and going to do something. You like the working mentality, You like that feeling in your brain. I like that feeling too. Some people don't need that or create that, but I also created that working feeling. Yeah, I also live for routine, and so I like m hmm. I want to be more flexible and not something taking

care of baby says. She says flexible routines, not rigid schedules. But before probably I was very not rigid, like from nine to ten. We you know, on a good example, like with before baby, but like we dinner at six, like's not I'm not that kind of rigid, but I'm rigid. Like I map out my day. What does that do for you when you haven't mapped out? I like to make lists and I like to check things off my list, very type a um, but it just helps me kind of like manage my day to know that I can

get all my things done. But since being in quarantine, I'm realized. I I love to have a clean house. I love to do my little things like I like piddling around. But I'm realizing I could I could stay home. Not no yet stay at home mom, because I was just telling you my baby is still going to our nanny share. But I'm getting to like be in my home again and find myself like I painted the other night, getting to find those things that like make me me again.

I always thought my me thing was going to be my job, and I'm realizing since not going there every day, that I like working and I'm still working from home, but my job is not that demanding right now. Just with everything going on in the world, I'm getting to find more things that fuel me and I'm noticing it's not my job like I always thought it was going

to be. If that makes any sense. It makes a lot of sense, because there's no way we could ever fully define who we are because we keep evolving, you know, And I think, I think that it's so awesome, Like you my sister's type, and I interviewed her for one of my last podcasts, and it was so fun to talk to her because our brains are so similar and then we're so different and being a type, she said, she's kind of the same thing that you're talking about is she's realizing that she's she lets go of a

lot of things now that maybe she wouldn't want to because she realizes that they aren't necessarily essential, but then she like really kills it on the things that are. So I don't know, I mean, I think that I totally agree with you and the fact that we think sometimes that we're so wrapped up in a box. Like I've done that So many times I get to the point in my life where I'm like, Yep, this is who I am, this is what I love, da da das. I've reached my spiritual peak. I'm so connected to God,

I'm like all these things I'm killing. And then I get hit with a whole new like level of stuff that I have to that I have to level up to and change and like evolve into. And it always like shakes me up a bit. But then it always reminds me, Oh, why am I trying to define myself? I don't know. I think it's I think we put this pressure on ourself to like figure out why we're here. So that's a good, that's a good. Why, Like what's my purpose? Us? Like I always wanted a job that

I always wanted. My my dad was always said, you don't live to work, you work to live. Yeah, yeah, right, so you you have to make money so that you can live your life, so you don't your job doesn't have to fulfill you. And I just kind of always disagreed with that. I always thought, no, like, I want

my job to fulfill me. So my very first job in Nashville was in social work, and I realized about a year in I just can't do that, even though it was like where my heart was, but I couldn't make that my money making, like how I paid my bills. How did you realize that I was crying all the time all the time, and then to add that on job of it it was not good where you just overwhelmed, But what what was making you cry? I couldn't fix them and help them in every way that they absolutely

needed and needed my help. So do you carry that as a burden, Like would you know that something needs your help and you have become aware of it and you're such a do or do you feel like it is in your responsibility to save everything that you have seen like with your eyes. I would like to that's a lot of responsibility, it is, And I would say in the last year since since having Poppy, I've been able to in my lack of sleep. I don't know

how I came to this. I just think in the first year of life for a baby, I was looking at her the other day like she has changed so much, and I think as women and Dad's too, we changed so much along with them that I just in this

last year I just was thinking like I don't. I can only do so much, you know, like I need to prioritize my time so that I can be with her and I can be with my family, But I know I still want to help others, So I just have to pick and choose how I need to do that, and just know that it's not always going to turn out exactly how I want or I'm not gonna be able to do as much as I think I should. But if I can do a little, maybe that's like

a trickle effect. You know, maybe someone else will see me doing this and so they'll pick up or Poppy will see me doing this and she'll want to help later on, and then we can help people later on together or something, you know. Just m how do you decide? How do you decide where you want to help? Now that you have decided, and I agree with you, you have to choose like where you're drawn, where your heart is called, because there's no way we can do everything,

like it's just not humanly possible. So I feel the same as you is I have to really listen to my heart and be like, where am I truly being called? And where the doors opening for me to walk through to help. How do you know when it's time when you need to walk through a door and when you when that's what you want to commit to. Oh, I don't know. I feel like I walked through a lot of closed doors. So look are you? Is it your

head hurt for banging your head against the door. I mean there's something's easy, Like I, you know, as much as I want to go out and help our community right now, my it's not as easy as it used to be. Like I can't just yeah, I just in order for me to go even go out to dinner with my friends, like it's a whole process of like getting a babysitter, ready for the ready for her or this or that, Like it's just a lot of things. Which there's my anxiety again, like just go it's gonna

be okay, right. I think lately it's just been my friends, like I just feel drawn to them to be Like Amanda is pregnant, Like how can I be there to help her? How can I help, you know, some of her anxieties or just following her lead because not everybody. Everyone always tells you once you have a baby or once you're pregnant, you're gonna hear everyone's birth story, Like you don't have to tell everybody your birth story, Like just wait for someone to ask you about the birth story,

you know, library that's so true. I felt like I had to tell every single person my birth story. I did a whole podcast on my birth story. I needed to explain why I made the decisions that I made, how it all went down, how it all like, like everybody even cared. I mean I just thought they all did. I mean, it's a big, big experience that we have, and so it should be told. But with some for me, I just try to be really conscious that especially for someone a friend that's about to go through it, like

what does she want to hear? Like there are things that I will be sure to tell everybody because I feel like some people didn't tell me some of these things that you need to know. Okay, well you need to tell us that that's what we need to know on this podcast. What are those things like when as it relates to what you said, there's some things that everyone needs to know, like what are they like for the birthing process, Like the first time they measure your service,

it hurts. I mean, how come no one told you that? Yeah? That no, I never got measured because wait, you're talking about when you're in labor. No, like your thirty six week appointment or yeah yeah, oh my god, no one ever tells you that. Yeah, like, be prepared for that because that hurts. Yeah, like um, the epidural. I know you didn't have the epidural. With epidural hurts, I mean your mutters from other things. Now I'm on and I'm on the spot. I know the more will come to

me as you have the things that you have. Well, there's one that I know you probably don't want to share, but no, I'm not going to share it because now give me a hint. Uh oh, So my birth story if everybody's dying, dear, never in my life, and I had high blood pressure ever in my life. I got very swollen to day gave birth. I waged almost eighty pounds more than I normally weigh. And Bree, everyone has to note, Bree is this little tiny thing. You've always

just been a string being. You look like you got stung by a bee and it swelled you up. Like you looked so swollen. It was it was it was painful to look at you. It was insane. I couldn't walk down the stairs, but like I was sipping on glass, yeah, because it was just so much water. But after I gave birth, I was induced because my blood pressure was growing up. At thirty seven weeks, um, my sir, my

blood pressure was still high. My uterus wasn't contracting, and I was internally bleeding, so they had to give me magnesium, which in me go to the bathroom all over myself for like a few days. It was awful and I've never passed gas in front of my husband. So was sprayings lavender's ray. So bring some lavender's bray. Bring some lavender spray. Yeah, that's good to know. For the hospital. Bring a big, big comforter for your husband, yeah, because

that couch is not comfortable. But also sheets and extra pillows and blankets. It's just too much to bring one big comforter. Yeah that's true. A power strip. Oh that's smart. I just thought that one. Yeah that's a good one. Okay, but you're going back to I totally side tracked to you.

This is what I get in trouble for with all my listeners were like, Caroline, your guest is telling a great story, and then you rabbit trail them off somewhere, and I want to hear what they were taking a rabbit trail because my brain is I'm nervous, so my brain is like jumping all over the place, and I brethe was like, what are we gonna talk about? Can you give me a brief about this? I've never really done a podcast before. I might brief. It's gonna be fine.

We're gonna have like this great conversation. Well, that's the thing that's what's so cool about this podcast is it's honestly there's all types of people, but a lot of

the people on who listen are women. A lot of them are moms, a lot of them are new moms, and so it's literally like we're all just sort of like sharing information and helping each other that on how to navigate this thing of life as a woman, as a career woman, as a new mom, living away from your family, like all these things that we go through, feeling alone, feeling not good enough, having anxiety, all that stuff, Like those are the things that we all want to

talk about because we want support. You know, Yeah, I mean at least I do. I do too, because I I know you just talked about mom guilt on here, but it's such a real thing, and I feel like it's even more than just mom guilt. I think it's like it's motherhood because I just entered this new phase of motherhood and it makes me feel guilty that I'm not there for my friends as much. What is the new face? It's just say, it's just like this whole

new phase of guilt that we're doing. Oh yeah, Like I think being a mother like brings it on because you no longer can be selfish, like it's solely about someone else and so then and it's about this perfect

little human being. But also you're not able to then be you can even be there for yourself, So it's really hard to be there for someone else, which is my love language is I want to be there for other people, Like I was telling you right when you had Sunny, Like I we talked on the phone so much while you were pregnant, and then you had her, and my baby is like finally up and crawling and moving everywhere, and I feel like I couldn't really even be there for you as a new mom because I

am dealing with all my my new mom this, if that makes sense. So I think it's the guilt of like, okay, of a lot of things, like even like with your husband or with your parents or just I think as women, we put that pressure on ourselves. But I think this in this new day and age, which is awesome, is that we're all kind of realizing, even though we still have the guilt, that you're feeling it too. I'm feeling it too. Can we just all agree that it's okay? Yeah,

And I'm not mad at you for it. You don't, don't be mad with me for it, like just honestly, it will It relieves me that you say that, I mean, I don't want you to have mom guilt, but that you say, like I feel guilty for not getting to be there for you, because that relieves me. Because I can't be there for anyone either, I mean literally learn. I am trying, and I'm trying to do more like phone calls here and there, especially now that we're all

on quarantine. Like I'm trying to like zoom with some friends and like set up some fun zoom dates and like try to like call friends to catch up. But like when you have a baby that you're chasing around all day or feeding or doing whatever, or throw working

on top of it. Oh my god, how And then you're trying to be a good wife, take care of your house, you want to catch up with your siblings and your parents, and then if you have to hit a family and then all of a sudden, you're trying to Like I used to go to so many parties and all sorts of stuff and advance, I'll go out all the time. Now I'm like, oh my god, I can't go anywhere. No, I can't. And I mean I think that this quarantine. I think it's terrible what's happening

in the world. But I think for that reason, like zoom has always been here. Yeah, we just need to utilize it more, Like had I even thought about it. I know there's space time, but FaceTime still hard because it's, yeah, like you have your phone and the second I pulled the phone out probably is like trying to grab it, like it's I'm almost like, all right, I gotta go, Like if she hangs up on you, was sorry, like I'm just gonna put it down. But I feel like if I had had zoom, even though we did, we

just didn't realize it. Like back when Sonny was two months or three months, like we would have been able to do this like you how many times a day and I'm pumping or I'm feeding, Like why couldn't we have been like sitting here together, Like well, I think that's what I think. That's what's great about the quarantine Also is we're realizing that we can't connect via all

the incredible um social whatever this is called the Way platform. Yeah, like zoom, Like this is great, Like and I feel so filled up after I have this conversation with you because I'm like, Okay, I really got to talk to my friend free. But we didn't have to like stop our lives and leave everything and like drive thirty is there thirty months back? Unload load all that. You know, it's just a process. You can stop on here, have a great conversation to hop up. Yeah not just say

I cannot wait to just load all up now? And I don't mind. I guess you know, least we can still connect. So something I really love about you, agree, is I struggle with letting my hair down like I struggle with letting loose. And something I love so much about you, especially seeing you as a mom, is you are so responsible and organized and so informed and smart and fun and all of that when it comes to being a mom and a friend. But you were able to have fun and let your hair down, and like

we turn, you have an alter ego. We all call you Dolly when you're like having a good time. How do you do that? Like how can you? How can you be so responsible and awesome and then like be so free spirited because I just struggle with that and I want to be more free spirited when the chance is there. I mean, I guess I, like we said, I've always had anxieties of like just getting ready for anything. Um, but I always decided when I was pregnant that my

anxieties are not my baby's anxieties. So I was gonna always take that away from her because she does not need to feel bad. So even though it's stressful to be a mom, I and making sure that I'm doing the things I need to for her, but when it comes to her when I'm with her, I just can. I've just decided it's it's a mental game. Even though I see like the things in the background that I need to go do, it's not she doesn't need to

feel that. Yeah, well, I do clean a lot with poppy, Like the other day she had to wipe in her hand and she was wiping before and I was like, oh my god, she's a cleaner, probably because I clean a lot of rother her. I guess for her, I'm not showing my anxieties of like, yes, it's like why isn't she sleep? Me? Why is she's sleeping? I'm just like, hey, maybe, like you know, just more like sweet, even though inside I'm like, oh my gosh, I need you to go

to sleep. I need you to go to sleep. I think it's the same when it comes to my friends that like I literally just loved my entire life over here. So when I'm here, I'm gonna be here right and I'm gonna get to talk to you because everyone's wondering, like how are you doing? Like what's been going on? Like how's it being a mom? Like what like what

she have to be say? So obviously you're talking about it, but I don't, and I'm going to talk about it unless we just decided we're not gonna talk about kids at night, which hasn't happened. But like, I'm with my friends, so I just want to be with my friends. You know, it's I don't get to see you very often, so if I can just let it be, then I'll feel I'll be filled up with that. Also, I worked really hard to get there. I need to enjoy it and just let the girl come out. So you said two

things I'm picking up. It sounds to me like being present is really important to you. And it also sounds to me like you've done some intentional thinking on parenting, like observing yourself and observing how you want to parent. So tell me about all that, like being present, and then what you how you want to parent, how you want to parent, how how you've chosen to parents. I just want to be somebody. I'm super close to my mom and dad and they're the best. They are the best.

I still feel like I can turn to them and be pretty open with them. I want as much as like being a mom first and a teacher and a guider is most important, But I want to always be Poppy's friend, like I want her. Like just the other day, this is so weird. I was eating cottage cheese and she wants them, so I gave her some and she would loved it, and I was like, I just hope one day like she's having a hard time, and cottage cheese is our thing and we just get a tube

cottage cheese and just eat it. And she just talks to me like cheese of all the things, and Catalina, I learned it from Andrea. I just hope that we could just always have our cottage cheese together. I mean, I'm so serious. I just wanted to be I want to just be her friend while being a teacher and a guiter and a leader first, because you will still I don't want. You're not gonna get in trouble if you talk to me, but there might be repercussions like

and steps afterwards. I guess I just I don't know. I just want. I don't know how I came to that. I just I guess I just did. And I being present is part of that because I need to. I don't want to be distracted when I'm with her, even

though it's it's hard. And I saw this meme one day and it was like a mom like playing on the ground with her kids, says a good mom, and then the other mom is sitting on the couch on her phone and it says still a good mom, Like we can still be a good month and have our good days and our bad days, but mostly if I can just try and be intentional about my time with her, or if she's trying to get my attention and I happen to be zoned out looking at the TV or

my phone or something in that moment, if she's trying to get my attention, like acknowledging that she's trying to get my attention right, and say like you're right, like here, I'm I'm back now, like I needed a moment, and clearly you needed a moment because you were fine playing by yourself for a second, but now here I am, And I just hope we have that, which she's older too, to say, like mom, I need you for a sec and like here I am. Get the cottage sheese, girl,

let's talk about it. I mean, I didn't even know people bought cottage cheese anymore. Gosh. So everybody says that probably looks like Chris, but I think she looks like me too. Oh she has my eating habits. She likes pickles, she likes alive, she likes cottage cheese. The girl off her my own heart? What if you love most about becoming a new one I've loved seeing who she is. Yeah, I really think, you know, those first few months, Like it's not that I didn't love her, because I obviously did.

I carried her and I birthed her. But it's hard because they're just like I'm just there, you know, and totally rampant, like trying to figure it out, trying to dress your body hurts, crying baby, you're never sleeping. You hate your husband for a second, at least Michael hated me too for a minute. You gotta reset, yep. I mean everything's upside down everything, and they're also not giving

anything to you. So as soon as she started like smiling because of certain noise, or she started noticing things in our house, or like I remember when we first brought her home, we gave her a tour. I walked around and gave her a tour of the house. And then like maybe a few months later, I started seeing her like notic things in our house. So I gave her another mind. So it's like she didn't see a

single thing. She still doesn't see single things. I had like a mixer out on the counter last night, and she looked over at it, like what is like you don't know so many things. It's just so fun to see or pick up on those things each and every day, because every day it's different. Like she started rubbing her hands together, and so I started putting lotion on them and she rubs it together. It's like, how did this?

How did this happen? You know, like she's a human being and she's she's our a little person, and I just love seeing her experience the world totally. What's copy me clean, wipe, what's been? Um? And I'd expected harder thing to deal with that you maybe didn't know was coming your way as a name mom um, so many hard things. Um. I'd say it's a couple of different things that kind of relate, like the routine. Like I love routine, but in the beginning I just couldn't mentally

get there to like figure out the routine. So like four months in when I finally figured out how to sleep train that it matters. I didn't get it before. I that was life changing because babies need sleep just like we need sleep. So I guess finally figuring out like that that that was that that was important and then how to do it was helpful. And that's taking care of babies and months on call is similar. Yeah, I like merged the two um. But then like the

routine of life, like we have a dog. We we both work out of the home, and it's like getting us ready, getting Buck the dog secure for the day, then taking copy to the nanny share, then getting to work, and like do we have all of these things? It's like it's just always something and I kind of knew. I knew I was gonna be. I mean, you add a human being to your house, like you're going to buy more food, You're gonna have more parents to runder and have all those things. But it's just so so

much mental load. I think it's probably it's like I knew it was coming, but it's a lot harder than I thought it was. And I've always told you it was like if you want to call me figure out how can I go to the grocery store with this new baby, Like, call me and we'll figure out like a mental load like the which is why we need to do zoom more so I can just see your face and just be able to like pour out my feelings and then you just say I hear you, I

see you. You're a good mom, and that sometimes it's all we need. But it's just like all this stuff in our head and like all my two does, just sometimes just spilling it out I can just be such a release. I don't know if I answered your question, but yes, And it also reminded me. Do you know what I love of so much about you? Like you just reminded me. You are that friend of mine who I trust so much because you're so responsible. You do all of the research that you need to do to

come up with a great decision your present. You're a great person, mom, friend, wife, all of it. You like really kick ass at life. And so you I love when I talk to you because you always reassure me that I'm a good mom. You always say that, you say your baby, your rules. You're the mom, you know what's best, like you all you're the mama. But you always have such a certainty that I'm doing it right for me, just like you're doing it right for you, Just like like you are so certain that all the

mamas are capable and are doing it right. And it's always so nice to hear that because I get overwhelmed with everything. But you're always like you're doing great, You're doing perfect and you're so good at like having that reassurance because you're right getting to talk to a friend who's in the same situational life, just be able to spill my ship that day of what I'm going through

and you being like I get it. And sometimes you've even told me you're like I don't really have an answer for you, but it's okay, or like like I've been in that situation, I'm not there anymore, but it'll get better, or like it changes. It's an Evana flow, like you're just very honest about the whole thing, and

it's so nice. It's refreshing to be able to have those conversations, which leads me to how important our girlfriends to you and like new mama friends, Like how I know we can't always get together, but how important has that been for you to have? Like women important, so so so important. I feel lucky that Chris's sisters are two of my best friends. Oh god, and they live up the street from now, which is amazing, so nice. They have older kids, one has one Poppy's age, so

they've been through all this before me. So you might think I have it together, but I don't. I'm really just calling them all the time. There are a lot of my research good research, yeah, um, but it's so important to have, you know, release, to just like Paul and have a wine day like Andrea she you sometimes. Like one day I think I called her. I was like, can you just want to come over? Chris is out of town and I just need to drink some wine

and cry, and She's like, I'm there. I was just like, I don't even know what I want to cry about, Like I'm just gonna want to. I just kind of feel like it read but like that's another great thing. Just getting to the point where I've become a mom. I'm starting to realize I just spent so much pressure on myself to hold it all together and be so perfect, and if I've had feelings or if I like I was flying off the rails or whatever at certain points

that I was failing. But I'm realizing we all have moments where we need to cry and we don't know why, and then maybe we figure out why we're crying when we're crying, or maybe we never will. Who cares, but cry? It just feels good to cry. Yeah, let me cry. You know my doctor, are we have the same doctor? Yes, but she was saying, and I'm the thirty one. Um. I went to her recently and I was just saying, I'm I'm having all these anxieties and why does it

being a new mom do this to you? And she's like, being a new mom definitely does it to you. But it's also your age. She's like, being in your thirties and forties, Like, it's just your body is completely changing and you're going to be feeling a lot different emotions. So it's it's normal to like have high anxiety, even though in our heads were like, this is not a rational it's not rational, like we should not be feeling like this, but we literally can't control it. So what

what does she say is changing in our thirties? What changes? Then? It's just hormones. Our hormones are actually changing, Yeah, and so it's like there's a chemical balance, it's changing in our body. Yeah. She said that she just turned was in her forties, and she said that her breasts were hurting, like she was growing rest for the first time. Like bodies are remarkable things that mess with us sometimes for good and bad. Yeah, but I think it's giving. I

gotta give yourself the grace to feel those things. What has surprised you about yourself as a new mom in a good way? I say that I can put away my my own feelings of anxieties when I'm around her, like I don't want to. Sometimes I'm like, I get annoyed at Chris and like Chris in front of her. But then I'm like, I can't do that in front of her, even though I do think it's good. This

is a sidetrack. I was listening to something the other day, like I do think it's good to, um, have conflict in front of your kids, but then solvent in front of your kids too, because the kids can't grow up thinking that we have perfect marriages and no one fights

because we do, but we also and resolve things. But I'm if I'm stressed about something like that has nothing to do with her, and I'm just holding her like she like I don't need to just get annoyed in front of her, or like, um, I don't know, I kind of want a rabbit hole with that. But I guess my biggest thing is that I can just side and put put away my anxieties that because they're not hers. That's very sure and big, like that's hard to separate like that, Well, it's it's a lot of work. I mean,

I because I am in high anxiety person. So throughout my whole pregnancy, I decided that I cannot I can't control it. I can't or even if I can't control it, like it just I can't put that on her. And you're able to let that go then, I mean, I

guess it depends on what I'm letting go. There's some things like I I'm still gonna have those feelings that I'm just gonna like I only have an hour with her for an hour and a half when she gets home from the nanny, So like I am just deal with maybe it was a work thing, or maybe it was a conversation need to have with Chris or something we're planning or something. I can just deal with that one when she's not around. Let me just be here

with her instead of like waste all my time. I love that's a working progress because I am like I get her, I sit her down, and I like to sit with her while she eats her food in her high chair. And then as soon as I see her start wrapping up, I like get up and I quickly put all the things away and do this and wipe this and wipe that, and it's like I could just let that be just right, I know, And sometimes I don't. I have that same and saying we're just wanting everything

to be perfectly in its spot. It just gives you some sort of like having that kind of control, I guess makes me feel peaceful because I also do have a running list in my head of everything that's needs to be done, and I know when everything is out of order, what needs to be put up, what's not done, the dishes unloaded? Are they not doing you to change the washer in the dryer? Like like I just like I have a constant running list of what's not in

its place. Yeah, I know, And it's a blessing and a curse because then everything is always in its place. But then also sometimes you're missing the moment because you're so worried to get it back to perfect when actually you have everything perfect because you want to be able to have a life and live in it, you know,

But it's a catch you here. I struggle with that also. Yeah, I I've noticed that, like it's not her her toys, and I don't know if you're doing this, but like we just set up the basement like with just toys and it's really nice, Like because in our living room we have toys too, but every night I put all those toys away. I don't want to see them because it's just like I want to sit on the couch, have a glass of wine, watch show and not be

like pure chaos around me. But the basement, it's like literally in twelve hours, when she gets stub, we're gonna be playing again. So it's at first was kind of weird, and I would still try and clean it up in the beginning, And now I'm realizing, like the basic could just be the area for the kids do not have to be put up unless I'm trying to teach her to like put away your toys. We're not quite there yet,

so I like having a designated area. Yeah that's not always applicable to everybody, but I guess for me, it was something, and maybe it's a small step that. Okay, in Monday through Friday, we don't have to pick up or no mean that's a lot of days. Saturday Sunday we don't have to pick up the kid's room. We can just play play by play. But then during the week we have more of a schedule. We put away our toys, we take a bath, we drink our bottle.

You know, it may be more of a mhm, a routine, I guess, but those for me anyway, that's just a small step to kind of like letting go some of the like chaos that's happening around me. It doesn't have to be I don't have to be so crazy about like right. I love that. It's figuring out boundaries that work for you so you can My sister is gosh, my sistered off so many pieces of wisdom. She told me something like she's like full of wisdom. She is. She's like there's a time to clean and a time

to mess or something like that. I don't know how she described it, but that's what I gathered. She's like, sometimes you can actually do yourself a disservice by like getting everything already put up that like then it gets messed up again, you have to redo it again. Like sometimes it's better things just can be for a while, if there isn't really a reason to have it, to to not have it, if there's no real reason to hurry to get everything put back. Sometimes if you can

just let it breathe for a while. Then you don't have to end up doing something twice two. It's such a good point because I was just I moved because the I realized that my face look still does I think it's beause these curtains have the blackout thing behind the pink curtains, and it was like making me with purple. I okay, purple is one of my favorite colors. I love it. Um. I was just the it was just this morning, I was wiping down the counter in our counters.

You can it's not a big deal, but this is one thing that doesn't always bother me. Like you can see the streaks in the counter when you wipe them if you don't use a certain spray. And I was like, how in the world are we going to add more children that are using this kitchen to our life. It's like, one, she's barely mobile and I'm always cleaning the kitchen. How

are we going to do that? And I think that's the perfect point, that just let it be because you just made breakfast and you know, yes, put away the dishes, but like, don't feel like I have to go get the oatmeil off the counter. At that moment when literally in an hour and a half, I'm going to come back in the kitchen and make a snack or something like yeah, yeah, tell us that's kind of mabi a remedial like takeaway. But it's for me that that's helpful. No,

it was helpful for me too. It's like Caroline, like, you don't have to get everything perfect all the time, like just let it be, breathe, be in the moment when you can, and no, it's all going to be there to pick up later and our designated time, like do it in the evening or do it like at lunch or something. I don't know, but I agree. I like that, And I like how you your whole pregnancy and your whole being a mom, you have been making

these intentional choices. I think it's so awesome and I think it's so important as moms that we do take the time to figure out what kind of mom do we want to be? What does our life look like? Are we a working mom? Are we stay at home mom? How do we find those little windows in our day to be fully present with our children when we're there?

You know, it's like take get the time to actually be intentional about it leads to success, and then I think that helps ease the mom guilt because we know for our particular circumstances, we're doing the very best that we can and we showed up for ourselves and our child the best that we could with our circumstances. I mean, that's what I feel. I think that's great. I also knowing that it can change to giving yourself the grace to say that, you know what, that didn't work for

us last year, so we're gonna do something different. Where I didn't like that yesterday, so tomorrow I didn't like that today Tomorrow we're going to do something different. Like you know, having some some stability is good, but knowing that if you want to change it, you can because you're the mom, You're the mom of yours. What is success for you? And not just like in career, but

what is success in life for you? With think when we're older and our kids are out of the house, they want to come home, that they want to come spend time with us, spend time with their cousins, spend time. Now I'm going to cry. I'm gonna cry. Is that they are They're not like, get me out of here, you know, and she might say that sometimes, you know, but I think that when she's or thirty or thirty one like me, like I want to go spend time with my mom and dad. I get excited when they

come here. I love when Christmas parents come here and we go see them, like I want. I want our family to remain a close knit group. That's really would be successful. Oh hey that what about you, gosh? I mean yeah, that to me, like as far as the heart strings and family, for sure, that's the best way I've heard it ever true that your family wants to be with you, that they want to share, that your kids want to share, and there want their lives to

be mingled with yours always. Like I totally agree with you. I want Sending to always want to have me around. And I don't want to, like ever be the kind of mom that she dreads being around. Like you said, I want to guide her and always be the parent. But I want her to know she can talk to me, to be honest with me, and I'm open to whatever she needs to talk about, like she can. We can. We can talk about anything, you know, like, and I support your decisions, and I just want her to want

to be with me. Michael like, yeah, totally, that's how I feel. That would be a success, family success, career success. I mean, I want this podcast to keep growing and it's going to eventually turn into some sort of like talk show or show or something. I don't know. And honestly, I'm one of those weird people who would just love to be on an awesome lifestyle reality show. I mean I always have. I love reality so because it's so

real and you your show would be super interesting. I mean I just I just like, I like following people's lives and I'm totally cool to share mine. So I just feel like, if you're gonna have a job, why not do that? Yeah, just be get paid to live. Just live and it's like spotlight awesome people and people's stories and do some things and open up your mind. I mean, if that's a job that's available and I could qualify for an application, I'm gonna try to get it one day. So that's not also so you need

to have someone start. I'm still mean you, Yeah, I just need to follow myself around. I would watch your show what's your ultimate dream job? Ultimate? Um? So I have like so many hobbies that I are things that bring me joy and they're all creative. But then so many people will say you should you should do that, or you should um like that organizing thing or like my help my mom designer house when someone it comes. When it becomes a job, I don't want to do

it as much. Interesting, Yeah, so like I want to. So my ultimate job would be to have the freedom to like dabble in a bunch of things. Yeah, um is organizing and designing kind of that I don't think. See, I like organizing my own house or helping my friends do their things, But um, I think just I don't know that to me, it's a hobby. So I think like my ultimate dream job would be, like I have, I guess such a thrill from like being in the

legislature and like lobbying bills. So I wish I could be like a a big time lobbyist for like children and moms or something. You would crush at that, Brie, We'll see maybe one day. Well you're already working in the office. I mean you're all been there. You know all the things you knew. You knew when wine was gonna be sold at the grocery stores on say or anybody else did. That was a big piece of import was important. Okay, So I'm gonna wrap up two questions left.

What is love? What is love mean to you? Love is being there for your people and understanding that life ebbs and flows, like we were saying, and that sometimes I might be their extra for you and you might not be able to show up for me, but that's going to change one day. And it's just so being there.

So my mom says, she says, it's never equal at the same time, and I love that, but you always are there, Yeah, And knowing that you're gonna be going through a hard time when I'm going through a great time or I'm gonna be going through a great you know, vice versa. But just knowing that I can be just as happy for you even if I'm not in an okay place. So I don't want anyone to ever not share something with me because they might it might upset me or something, you know, just when you and I

had that happened to us in the beginning. We were on the pregnancy we're on the pregnancy journey, and I was like six months in to trying and not having any luck getting pregnant and I had early miscarried at that point, and yeah, you had gotten pregnant right away, and like somehow I like was like, oh my gosh, don't even tell me you're pregnant right now, because I was having to melt down. And then you're like, uh, I know that was I was not planning on telling you.

I was like four weeks or six weeks something, and I just from early on, I was like, I'm not gonna put any anxiety on my baby, and I didn't want to lie about my baby. But I also knew it was a hard time for you. So I remember that feeling, being like you're like, don't even tell me you're pregnant. I was like, and then we go went swilight. I was we both went into the bathroom. We were at a friend's um, what was it, a friend's birthday the shower. There's wedding shower, wedding shower. So we went

into the bathroom. We both cried, and I was like, I'm so happy for your promise. I'm just sad for me, and You're like no, but but it's so I get that, like that is the thing, and it is like that's just life. Sometimes you're going to be in a great place and I'm going to be in the lowest place. And sometimes I'm gonna be in a great place and You're gonna be the lowest place. And that is what friendship and being there for someone is right and knowing that it's not always going to be equal at the

same time. But if you can match up, say you both hit a spot where you're killing it and living life at the same time, you should ride that wave because that's good. By wine on Sundays and drink it. I love that breath. What's the best advice you've ever gotten? Oh? Are you frozen? No, I'm just holding that still. I'm very intently listening way for this advice that's not coming. Maybe she's frozen. I don't have to say this question. Yeah, I'm waiting for a breath. You better give it to me.

I mean, you don't have to give me any I don't. This will leave me to my next question, which is my final question, leave your light, which is what I end every interview with. What do you want people to know? Just that's it very broad. It could be whatever it just comes to your mind. What do you want? I don't know that will help their lives. Um find find your people and invest in them, care for them, love them, and they I pray they do the same. And if

they don't, then they're not the right people. So keep looking. You're're gonna run into people that aren't always there for you. But I mean, I always remember this. When Chris asked my dad to marry me, he said that Breed loves her people so deeply. In An example he gave was that if I thought Chris was talking about about my brother one time, and I was like, what, I don't talk about my brother, and he just like he just loved that. You know, m people will care for you

if you care for them. Yeah, and my they might not always show it in the same way. And I think that's something that everyone struggles with. It's like, why didn't they do that for me? I did that for them, but they they'll show their love in another way. So just find your your group, your dog or whatever and love them and they'll I pray they love you back. I love that. I love that. Why is it more important than ever? Like why do we need people? Like why is that? Why is that your number one? I

mean I think that's all the number one? But like you so fiercely know that. How do you know that that we need these people in our lives are groups? Because I I learned from you. I've learned so much from you just talking with you and just right now the last hour, and I've been talking with you for ten years, and I continue to learn from you, and hopefully you're learning from me. And I'm learning from Chris, and I'm Poppies learning from me, and I'm learning from

her like this is new human being. And I learned from her every day like we our old governor, and Governor has them he always be a lifelong learner. That is some good advice. And I used until just this moment, I always thought that meant like continue to go to school and read and this and that. But I think

it can be interpreted in the way you want. It can be like how to treat people like cawdo cook or something, just like the word a skill or a how to be a good friend or how to be a good friend to you, like I need to know how to love Caroline, just like I need to know how to love coffee. And so I'm always learning that and I think that you're always learning from me, and

I'm always learning from you. So we need people. Yeah, look around and we're realizing that not in the best way, but literally one person can affect the whole world, and we're all affected by one thing. Yeah, at the moment, it's not not the greatest thing. But think about if love spread the way the coronavirus did. Oh wow, that's a good point about how like great the world would be.

What if everyone just caught the virus of love and only saw the best in people and only did wonderful things for each other and didn't try to harm each other and said felt did everything they could to like bless the world, build themselves, so build other people's up, use their talents, see other talents. Gosh, wow, what if we all lived like that? That's that would be amazing. If a virus can spread this quickly. Let mean, it could spread that quickly with love if we all caught it.

M hmm. Yeah, wow, that's really really beautiful, Bree. What's the better game? What's the best thing that you? I know there's so many sad with Corona, but the coronavirus in quarantine, But what's one blessing that's come out of this for you? Um? I would I do like being home, and so I think being able to be home and be with people I chose to spend my life with

and and and still enjoying it. Yeah, I mean it's it's hard, and don't we all just want to go out and go do something, But knowing that we're saving the world by staying home is pretty great. Um. And then just being intentional with zoom calls or more face times. You know, you're having to really pick up and be a friend by checking in on people, and you're actually having to go a little extra mile, like like physically picking up the phone. You're right, yeah, Okay, last question

they're gonna wrap up. How do you deal with your anxiety? When you catch a big wave of anxiety, what do you do to get out of it and to bring peace back to your brain? I it really helps for me to like write some things down, like like I'm a list maker, so like what can make this better? Like am I my stressed and have anxiety about like this? Recently, Poppy was going to switch from formula to whole milk, and I was like, she's never gonna drop the bottle.

She's always going to drink from a bottle and she's this never I don't know what to do, and I'm texting all my friends like how do you do it? Like what's type cup do you get? Because I've got five and she doesn't like any of them. Like it just was a big, big thing, but I just wrote down a plan. I was like, Okay, on this day, I'm going to put two ounces of whole milk, and on this a I'm gonna put four ounces. And I

just wrote it down to like help see that. It's just a process as opposed to one on one big, one big task to get done. And I think I can do that for a lot of areas of life, Like if we're going on a trip and I have a ton to do, I just kind of like map it out, like when we were talking in the beginning, Like I like to put things in order of how I'm going to get things done so that I make

sure I get them. And then also it's not just like a whole like big mental dumpload onto a piece of paper and it's like a hundred different things to do and they don't necessarily relate. They're kind of like categorized by like Okay, this is what I need to do. For the diaper bag, or this is what I need to do for me to pack or for buck to you know, go somewhere, or Yes, a lot of lists.

I need to be better about, like doing that for life things though, like like if I I'm going to look for a new job, I'm not looking for a new job, hopefully my boss doesn't listen to this, but if I was going to, like what is it that makes me happy in my job? Or what do I necessarily what do I have to have in my job? And and what are your best skills that you bring

to the job. Yeah, writing it down to stay instead of like I gotta find a new job, It is narrowing it down and writing it down helps you to see what you're actually dealing with. Yes, I love that. Yeah, writing stuff down for me helps too, because then it's like I don't just have like the circulating spiral spinning in my head of things that I feel like I have to like think so hard about to remember, so don't fall out of my brain becau Like it's to write them down and then there they are and I

can just let my brain relax. Yeah, but you are so good about writing. You always have writing notes in your film, which I love. Yeah, I think I write so many two dos in my phone and I should start writing more of like little inspirational like things to pick up on because you know I'm going to be back in that list and I still like see something encouraging. I think you're the most encouraging Breed. I love you so much, and thank you so much for joining me

on my podcasts. This is so fun. It wasn't so bad, wasn't. No. I'm still nervous, but I think you're Christed. I love you. I love you so much. Don't hang out. I'm just gonna okay, right,