Jenna Perdue

It's a sweet, sweet angel soul. I love her so much. When my husband toward with Jason Aden a couple of years ago, her husband, DJ Silver was on tour at the same time and we got to know each other and she was actually pregnant with her first child, sweet baby Wake who's now two years old. Now she's pregnant again with a new baby, and she's just so awesome.

I really want to give Jenna some big love before we get into this episode, because when we recorded this, I was in the middle of going through an early miscarriage and it was really emotional and it still is an emotional thing to talk about. And Jenna had also gone through a miscarriage that was very emotional and hard on her. She also survived the Las Vegas massacre, and she was very willing and open to share about all of these feelings and all of the sadness that she

experienced with both of these situations. And I just want to thank her for that, because these topics are very hard to talk about, and she went into them with me and she was open about them, and she talked a lot about the miscarriage with me and her feelings

and how she got through that. I'm just so appreciative that Jenna was willing to go into these really painful topics with me because I think it's going to help a lot of people feel especially hearing about her miscarriage and how she dealt with it and how she turned her mindset around. It really helped me, so I think it's going to help a lot of other people too.

So thank you so much, Jennifer. That we were talking so much about this healing process that we never got to talk about her new career endeavor that she found after her miscarriage. She was searching for super clean skincare and wellness products and she found our bond and she knew immediately this was the only option for her because she loves helping people change their lives with their products, so she's a consultant. If you're interested in clean skincare

and wellness products, you've got to check it out. I know Jenna swears by it. You can join her team or just learn more about the product. Go to Jenna Perdue dot airbon dot com. That's j E n n A p E R d u E dot A r B O n n A dot com and check it out. I know it's changed her life and she's such a believer, so check it out. Before we get to the interview with me and Jenna that is just so emotional and so open and honest, I want to talk to you about a product that only makes sense for an episode

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use it as a nightline. Plus you can set it as a time to rise for your older child. You've got to check out hatch baby dot com. Hatch Baby rest is what it's called, and it's a night light and sound machine and it's game changing. So check them out. All right, y'all, here's Jenna being so honest, so vulnerable, talking about some really hard things. So give her lots of love and be prepared to be inspired by her story. Here she is, Hello, Hello, Hello, I'm here with Jennifer

due Hi in this squinky downtown loft apartment. I mean, hey, hey, we're getting, we're getting, we're building. So this is not forever, no, No, twenty one floor with a two year old and pregnant, it's not ideal, but we're getting through it. So you get your exercise just by like getting to your house. Yeah exactly, you're finding a parking spot, getting to the elevator, getting up the elevator. How did you groceries with that wagon? I was gonna say, like just wake and the groceries

go on the wagon. Everybody gets yes, all aboard. Yep. It's intense. But you know what I feel like, is it kind of nice um getting thrown out of your ideal situation and realizing you can make it work with a two year old? He said to me, with a two year old with a pregnancy. It's like when you're pushed to things that you wouldn't have done ideally. Does it kind of make you feel like, Okay, I can I can do this. I can do more than I

thought I could. I'm like Superman. I'm Superman. It's like, I find myself kind of complaining because because it's annoying a small space and we're not used to having like to live in like on top of each other. And but are you kidding me? We're on the twenty one floor in downtown Nashville and a beautiful, views insane, incredibly

gorgeous condo, Like we have nothing to complain about. Yeah, So I feel like that's something I have always really gravitated towards you, towards about is your ability to find gratitude all the time and where does that come from? Because we were talking about Gabrielle Bernstein, the book The universe has your back, which I downloading and reading stat And you've always been that like a believer of energy and you believed in in your own energy. Where did

that come from? I don't know. I think like just but being around like some girlfriends growing up and just the vibes. And I'm not a very religious person. I was raised Catholic, but I don't know. My dad is totally not religious at all. It's like mom and dad

are totally opposite. And I just kind of like found myself in this middle ground where I just started feeling like I would think things and then they would happen in my life, and I could start telling these stories like, oh my gosh, I wanted to do this and I thought about it and that happened, and you will never believe I ran it, who I ran into or whatever. So I did it all link together with positivity, believing

that it was going to happen. I just kind of just kept believing, Okay, I want to do this, I want to go on this trip. I'm gonna put it out there. And you even believe like manifested your husband too, remember you telling me that I sure did. And a parking lot there he was. I found him truly truly, Like how did you do that? You manifested your Like

I want someone who's this, this, this and this or something. Yeah. Yeah, I was in a relationship for a long time with a guy who was none of those things, and I was just like this is not working and I want and deserve these things. That's a key believing you deserve it. Yeah, because we are all deserving. It's just believing it. You have to know that you are deserving. How do you

find that? Like, say you're in a valley and you like, for me, like I'm coming out of I'm in a valley, really just being honest, and it's hard to like get yourself a steam back sometimes in your worth and your worth or knowing that it can happen, or that you deserve good things. You know, how do you do that when you're in a valley? Well, you have to go through that the valley. The valleys do suck, but their reality and do you go how do you work to

your valley? You have to listen to Gabrielle. You have to listen to Gabriel Bernstein, but the universe, but it really is, you do have to help yourself. You have to help yourself because at the end of the day, nobody really is going to do that for you. So if you start to feel like you're going downhill and downhill fast and I have been there, nobody's going to dig you out of that hole. You know. Can you feel it though You're like, okay, I'm sliding. I got

to turn this thing around. Yeah. It's seeing me also being so weird my energy. I'm like, I know it when I'm going down and I'm like, oh gosh, shoot here it is, I'm going straight now and i don't even know how to get out. And then I'm like, you've got to turn it. You've got to turn it. But sometimes I'm like, where are my tools? You've got to find your tools. But it's good being aware of that. See, that's the problem. Some people aren't. Don't catch on, and

then you can live there forever. Yeah. So it's just being aware and knowing that you deserve it and you can get out of it and you will and you just believe it. Yeah, you have to believe. You just always have to find the positivity and everything. You know, we don't have millions of dollars in the bank, but we're living life and we're making the best of it, and things could be worse and things could be better, but we're alive and we've got each other, and you

just believe that it's gonna be okay. So how did you manifest? John ak DJ Silver? I, like I said, I was in a relationship, and it was just where were you living? Um and London, Ontario and Canada? Actually, hey, yeah nice? No, I mean beautiful place, not great from Florida. So yeah, it was quite a drastic change, and I was really holding on to something. I don't know. It's hard to let things go. And I knew. I knew right when I moved there that he was bad news.

Once again, your instincts was still hard. But I was so proud. My ego was like, we finally are together because we were long distance for so long, and any who long the story short, I was just like, I'm done. So you had a moment. How do you know when you're done? What does it feel like? It feels like other guys walking by and you're finally like that curious, right, No, that's the truth. It was like I was on the road for work and I started noticing some other guys

and I'm like, this is a really bad sign. Yes, you know. So that's really when I was like, Okay, this is so not working. I need out of here. And what did you know you deserved after that relationship? What were you looking for? I wanted a partner who respected me. I was like, really respect. I wanted to be respected. I wanted somebody to hold my hand. I

wanted somebody to like address me. And he wouldn't even like you wouldn't know that we were together, lived together, let alone knew each other like in a public bar. He was not like affectionate at all, which I don't really need, Like I'm kind of super independent, but you want to be like, you gotta give me something, dude. Yeah. So I wanted like a lover when it's somebody who was funny and fun to be with and we were like into the same thing. So I was like, I

gotta go, man, this is not working. Yeah, and that's scary, especially you're in Canada. Well you know what my dad told me. It was my dad really was my dad who was like Jenna because I called him crying. I'm like, I'm here in Canada. His sisters were not my biggest fans. And that was that was like not fun and there's just really nothing for me there at all. And I was like crying to my dad on the phone all the way back in Florida, and he goes Jenna. It's

like so easy. It's you stay and that's your life. What you have is what you get and it's not going to change, or you leave and you're young and you've got things going on and then who knows what it is like it's scary because you don't know, but you'll be fine. And I was like, Okay, I gotta I gotta go back. I'm out of here. And he's so right. He's so right. And if you could think of it in those terms, without all of the just waves of feelings, it's true because it's like do you

want this to be your life? And you clearly investigated and realized no, right, But it's like finding that bravery. Okay. So then this is the next question, how do you find a bravery to make a big change? Because that is always really hard for me. I always end up doing it, but like it's so hard. Right before, I don't know, I felt like because it was December twelve,

two thousand twelve, when the day. I've got in my little folk Stock and Jetta and drove all the way back to Florida, and I said, he goes, isn't today the day that the world's supposed to end? Like the Mayan calendar, you know, it's like you're exit And I was like, no, that's on the twenty one, today's the twelve. But today is the day that your world is Oh my god, I don't know. I felt like so empowered.

I was like I finally made up my mind and I was like I am so I don't want any of what you have not been offering me and I'm not here. Yeah, and then it was like empowering, like I'm free. Awesome, So you just felt free because you knew Okay, so you get to the point where you know and then how did you get to Nashville? So I traveled all over the world with Cadillac, presenting the

vehicles at the auto shows for seven years. Yeah, it was like van of white and like it's you speak, but you just like, hello, here's your car that you need to get all over It was a lot more intense. I essentially had to be an engineer without having to know everything about the yeah, yeah, yeah you yeah, yeah, inter exteror power train, horse power, you know, final drive, like all kinds of ratios. It was crazy. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was intense, so I did that. I had fun traveling.

It was so fun, but you know it's lonely too. You're in hotel rooms. And I had really good girlfriends on the road, so thank God for them. But um, it just got to the point where any who, I was all over and I kept coming back to Nashville for work and I'm like, I love this place and about it. Yeah, it was just I felt like a big city, but it had like a good vibe, like you know, just twenty minutes away and Franklin or somewhere

to raise a family or whatever. I didn't see myself in l A or New York, Chicago or any big city after I left in Canada, and I didn't really see myself in Florida either, but I was like, I could see myself in Nashville. Well. Then I was at a Jason and Luke concert in Detroit. I was there for a meeting for work, and I ran into John in the parking lot. We didn't have any ticket, Yeah, we didn't have any tickets to the show. But I was like, we're going. I told my girlfriend we're going

to the concert. We're going to go backstage. And she's like, I love you. The concert is sold out on StubHub gender and I'm like, I'm not worth girl. You gotta have I was like, you gotta have faith. We aren't going on the concert if you're acting like this negativity. We don't need that. You knew it. So there he was. He comes up with his friend and he's like, what are your girls doing? Like, we need to we need tickets. We got to get in there. He's like, come with me.

Stop get on the back of his golf cart and he's like, so what do you do. I said, I worked for Cadillac. He goes, I have a Cadillac. I said, oh, I'm thinking myself. Here comes the stories and everybody's got a story about a Cadillac. I'm sure. He goes, I have a CTSV coop and I was like, are you asking me or you telling me? Because those are my babies. There are high performance cars. I was on the race to me like, yeah, that's my talk. I can talk

that talk. And he's had no idea what anything about his car, like this car is like a bad basscar. I don't know if I can say that. He had never had the thing over a day. What he did. He showed me pictures he had the black Diamond edition, like this thing was awesome, but it'd never been over a d and any who, we were laughing about his car. Not a lot of people have those, and so you'll

have an instant connection totally. And he's so charming and nice, just the funniest guy, Like I don't know where he comes up with half the crab. He says, it's oh witty, and like you can't teach somebody that. And he's so it's easy to be around. Yeah. Literally, I've seen him give the shirt off of his back. He's that guy and funny and sweet. And I was like, I remember thinking that night at the concert looking at him. I was like, there's something about this guy. And he said,

what do you Where do you live? And I'm like, well, I'm going back to Florida, but I've always wanted to move to Nashville. And he's like, I live in Nashville, so take my number. And then I mean the resist history. We dated for a year. We were engaged for a

year and it's pretty fast. We were married for a year and on our one year anniversary we found out we were pregnant with wake So dated for a year, married for on your one year anniversary, foun out your pregnant with And the craziest thing about him is it took my ex a year and a half for him to tell me he loves me. I mean red flags like f lying. John told me after two months, and I told him over the phone. I'm like, don't know, you don't have to say that because that was so weird.

I'm like, you love me already. But he that's everything I wanted and deserved. He like boom was and you knew it. He's like, no, I love you and I have to tell you cry because being married it's not just about it's being married is you have to get along with that person, connect with that person, make a life of that person. Is not just so is this person cute or is this person like do we have

some sort of chemistry? It is so much more, like you said, to be seen and respected by this man who loves you, I mean that has to just feel so amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's awesome, Like people ask do you worry about him on the road, and like, because he is on tour Jason and tons of people. Yeah, he's out DJs young right now. He's a badass DJ. He like entertains the crowd in between sets and kicks to show off and like all sorts of stuffs all and he has residencies in Las Vegas. Like he's gone

all the time, all the time. Yeah, I'm like semi single wife and mom which hashtag balance. Sometimes I'm like when Michael's gone on the road, I'm like, I like many I'm the same way I and that's I think that's why we work so well. But people are like, I couldn't do it. I'd be losing sleep. Your husband works until four in the morning of bars and nightclubs. And I'm like, I have no reason. I've never lost one ounce of sleep over him. I trust him. Isn't

that everything? Like if somebody came up to me and said, your boyfriend is cheating on you my ex, I would have been like, I know, I've always known. If somebody came up to me was like, John is cheating on you, I'd be like, I need FBI proof. I don't believe you, I don't believe you. That's exactly how I feel too, And it just allows you to never have to trust issues,

never on the table, never. And I'm like Michael and I know John's the same way, and all the women that we hang out with in this community of women who are incredible in the entertainment industry, country music especially, I feel like all of our husbands like like being married, you know, and marriage is a cool thing now. It's not like the secret thing that you have to like, you know, be single for the fans. Yeah, it's like being married for the fans is great. Yeah, yeah, no,

they love it. So we're good. We'll be married four years in January. So talk to me about wake when you found out your pregnant. How was that experience, because you're someone who is so open and honest and I love that, and I just want to talk all about the pregnancy journey because I'm in the big middle of it and it's a lot. It's a it's a lot. It is so much more than yeah, so much more than what you think. I thought I was pregnant. Well, actually I didn't really know. We went to Miami on

our one year wedding anniversary because we we love Miami, Florida. Girl. Oh yeah. And I should have known because I wasn't drinking. I had wine, but it wasn't going down like it normally does. And we were at this long dinner and I went to leave in like my one glass still was only halfway gone, and I remember thinking, that's weird, like I just wasn't gravitating towards it. I felt great, but I wasn't gravitating towards it. And then and um, we were going it was New Year's and we went

to Brittany and Jason's. They had a farmhouse, like a big ranch house out in the middle of nowhere, and we did New Years out there, and I could not catch a buzz. I was like, let's do another shot, another shot. I could not catch a buzz. I even took like pre workout powder blue like chemical concoctions not good for you, or you're pregnant or not pregnant, just not good. You're like, I'm going to do this. I could not catch a buzz which was another red flag.

So um on our one year anniversary. That morning, I took the test and it was as clear as day that I was pregnant, and John was in the shower and I took the test and I was like, open the shower door and I got in, and I'm hysterical. I couldn't spit it out, crying because pregnancy is all I had ever wanted. Oh it is. Oh yeah, you always always, always, always like, I want to be a mom. I asked a babysit when I was like nine. My mom's like, you still need babies that are Yeah, I'm ready,

always want to be a mom. And I'm hysterically crying. He's like, what's wrong, what's wrong? Like pregnant? Water? Off, he goes, I remember it like it was yesterday, gets out the shower, puts his hands on the vanity and stares at himself in the beer to give himself a pep talk. I don't know what he was thinking or I don't know. He was just like and then so I was like, okay, I guess I should do that too. So I'm letting the mirror. You're crying, Okay, let's look,

let's think about this a freaking love. And then I took him to the airport and put him on a plane and sent him he had to go play like the Alabama some like major college football game. He was playing one again with the music industry, the huge news, and then you send your husband off, so here you are dealing in your own thoughts alone. Thank god for friends. He's texting me from the airplane, like can you go

take like ten more tests? And I was afraid to take another test because I didn't want it to say I wasn't pregnant. Yeah, but I took another test and I was pregnant, and like pregnant, I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. And I had a beautiful pregnancy. I was never sick, not one time, tired as all get out, oh my god, no ecleptic. You could just fall asleep anywhere. But I felt great, awesome, And then I had a beautiful pregnancy. And now he's too and he's redhead, blue eyed, left handed, unicorn,

so freaking he's so fun and he's the best. What have you learned about motherhood? Having wake that it like physically hurts, I like to the love. I'd never I could get emotional talking about it, but I don't know. It's it's hard to like speak because it's just so's he's that's like my best guy. Yeah, yeah, I would like literally do anything for him, anything, anything he can have it. I don't care. Oh and how has marriage

evolved since having a child. It's just so fun to why John with Wake and and he's how like they are to Yeah, yeah, and John, you know, he just wants to give anybody everything. But Wake in particular gets like it's just fun to watch those two together. John gets frustrated sometimes with Wake because he's too I also do. But it's funny because John doesn't even realize how much strong like Wake is so strong headed, and it's just

like John Purdue, are you serious? So I think that's why they get like it's like, I'm like, you guys are the same like you are that is your own self. Don't get upset, like you're getting a reflection of yourself. So now, John, this is how I feel with you all the time. Yeah, that's all fun. It's fun, it is, and it's like fun these adding a children, the chapter

of children is so fun. But then like okay, we were talking earlier, the pregnancy journey went so smooth for you the first time, and then now you're pregnant with a beautiful baby number two, like healthy everything is going amazing, but it wasn't always like that for you. And I feel like that's the season I'm in right now, and it's hard to talk about it because I don't know what the word is. It's almost like you feel like you need to be private when things don't just go

perfectly with pregnancy or something at least. But I don't know why I'm having trouble processing my feelings in this phase. Yeah, so I you know, I told you this, but I lost a baby in May at ten weeks and it rocked my world. We were we're survivors of the Las Vegas massacre and that I was separated from Wake for four hours. He was two doors down from the shooter

on the thirty second floor. We thought he was in the safest place on earth, thinking like a mass murderers walking through the crowd down four doors two doors down. He was two on the same floor, two doors down from the shooter. And then we get worried that the shooting is We're laying on the bus floor that's got that's been peppered with bullet holes because you feel the bullets flying like your hear um. Oh yeah, and like when you're in the bus. Are they going through? They

had been shot through the bus. We were actually on the other side of the bus at that time. And then they got us on the bus and they had already been shot through and the shooting had stopped by then. But John was grazed on his leg. He still has a scar. But I mean, we we walked away. But when we got the text, because nobody knew what was happening, we were on lockdown, and we got the message. Kristen Brust actually text me that the shooting was coming from

the thirty second floor. Oh my god, my son is there. God, I'm so emotional. It's like, really it was really intense, and he was with my aunt and she was communicating constantly. But you just feel so helpless. Yeah, and you can't, like you can't physically get back to him. Yeah. So anyway,

that was so traumatizing. I want to take a moment to say how brave it is of Jenna to share her feelings of living through the Las Vegas massacre, and how our hearts have been with every single person there who is a survivor and who was a victim, and we will always have you in our hearts. I also want to thank Jenna for being courageous enough to share her feelings about her miscarriage and all the emotion emotions

that she went through losing a baby. And when we recorded this podcast, I was in the middle of an early miscarriage too, and to be able to talk about it with her was really healing for me. And so I'm so thankful for Jenna and her openness for sharing these really really hard conversations. So I just wanted to give her some love right now for being so open

and vulnerable and talking about hard conversations. Okay, here she is talking about her very sad, emotional miscarriage and all the feelings and thoughts that she had in this time. You're so emotional because you want that baby so bad, you know, yes, and then you think what's wrong with me? And yes, all of those things. It's like, what is wrong with me and my body? Is there something going on?

So then you have to remember and they're sharing about this, Jenna, of course, and I just wanna talk when we did talk about this ahead of time because it is a sensitive topic. But Jenna, you're so amazing that you want to share about this, and I'm grateful for it. You're you know, you're welcome. It doesn't happen overnight. But then you start to you know, really process because at first you're just numb and sad and you want to just

bury yourself in the dark room. And it's isolating because even if you have a support group of great friends, a great doctor, great husband, or whatever, it's ultimately all you. There's nobody else that can really help you through it because there's nothing that anybody can do. Nothing. You're literally mourning like a death, like you you know, you can't do anything to get it back. And so when you can go through that darkness, you start to realize, oh

my god, well I'm still alive. A b we conceived, so we got that far because some people just can't even get that far. They never see that positive pregnancy test. So you're getting that far and you know three that you weren't going to have a healthy baby, and that it happens sooner than later. Because some women don't have that privilege. You know, you hear about these horrible miscarriages and these you know, I'm not I can't even go into thinking about that. But so that's where I put

myself in my head. I was like Okay, we can do this. We've done this before. I know you haven't, so that's even hardy because you're like, what you could never happen. But then you have to thank God for modern medicine because I think about my girlfriends who got pregnant through in vitro, you know, and like how incredible that an egg was transferred essentially from like a Petri dish and now you have like this beautiful baby. Like so I don't know. I just had to start telling myself,

like this is we can get through this. How long did you let yourself be like sad all the way sad? Or just got really sad? Like I was afraid. I thought every everything, everywhere I was going to die. I was afraid to leave my house. I was afraid to drive my car. I was going to get crocks to it. I was afraid to eat certain foods. It was gonna I don't know, As I just said, everything was causing death. Almost everything was causing death. Yeah, and it's like you

feel like you don't trust yourself. Maybe I don't want if it was me as more as it was like outside, I just felt like out of control, scared to death. Yeah, it was the weirdest mental thing, and then I was like, this is not working and I really want to get pregnant again and I want to have a healthy, happy environment and I need to figure something out. Okay, So

then that's where I feel like I am. It's like I have been really sad, and just like even though we just had a super early miscarriage and then we had a chemical pregnancy, it's like, even saying this out loud, I feel like I've had to keep it quiet or something, not just for myself. It's like we've been trying for like a while now, and it's all those things are

hard to say out loud. I don't know why. It's just because it's such a process and you feel like everything takes so long and you want it so bad and we're put on this earth to have babies, and when it fails, it's like, well then what am I even here for? Everything else like loses significance. But I just excited for you because I know that like one day we're going to do another one of these and

you're gonna be talking about your baby. You're gonna be talking and it's going to make you so much more thankful, Like my heart does bleed for you because I couldn't imagine going through what I went through and not having wake. I really leaned on him a lot, like, oh my god, I have you. So if you're all I ever get, I'm good. But it's still hurts. Yes, it does hurt, and it's just the fear and you can't let that fear and it consume you. What if it never happens?

And then it's like I don't even want to think about next option checks and like we're not really into the place where I'm ready to think about next stuff. I still there's still things to try here, you know, and that involves like, you know, possibly getting them fertility meds and checking my blood work to make sure my progesterone levels are high. And I didn't even know all these things existed. That's why I'm like, I want to talk about this because I have been looking for resources,

like what's my next step? You know? And that's I'm so grateful that you want to if you talked about this and the open with me, because I'm like, I know other women need this. Well, that's why we have to talk about it, because there's so much that people can do to help with pregnancy, like, what are some things that you've found, especially after the miscarriage. I mean I just had other girlfriends that talked to me about

their miscarriage. I mean people came out of the woodwork like what, wait, you had one too, Oh yeah, I had one in between Hudson and Becker. You know, I had one. I had this is what you know I went through, and I was like, oh my god. Same. I just felt like all of a sudden, everybody's like, oh yeah, I hadn't one of those. And it was like the thing on the street, like hey, did you get those new shoots? Yeah, I got him. I picked them up. You're not alone. And that's what made me

feel like, Okay, this is a thing. Yes, people catch a cold, people have a miscare like it in the name miscarriage is such a terrible word. I feel like I hate it so final and sad, and yeah it is. It's like there's nothing you can do, but there is something you can do. You just pushed forward, Like I started my period three weeks after my terribly disastrous miscarriage, and and then I had one more and then I

got pregnant one more period. I had two periods between my miscarriage and my pregnancy, and you did some major rewiring of your brain in those two months. Tell me what you did, because I'm about to get on your regiment. I was following and I still do. Mallory Irvin on Instagram. I love may love her inspiring. Oh my gosh, she's so tiny, Like talk about always staying positive. She just does yeah, and I like, the universe is like here,

I'm gonna give you this gift. And she posted a book like a story, like ten books that she had listened to or watched or read whatever you can took these days. That name not a reader, no no time. And Gabrielle Bernsteins, the Universizer back was on that list. You know what. I cut her book, The Spirit Junkie. I had that one too. I didn't really, I don't know,

I couldn't vibe. I never finished it, but I was like, I don't know, I'm feeling like I need to listen to this and I did, and I swear the signs started coming out of nowhere from the was changing. Tell me what the signs were. She says things like, um, one of the quotes is Eilean on the love that is around me, and I expect miracles. She gives you these little mantras to say, you know, I lean on the love around me, and that involves like being able to be open, yeah, yeah, and yeah, and the love.

You can hear ten positive affirmations, but if you hear one negative, it forget the other ten. Like that is what you stick to. Its human nature. We are ray raised and born to fear everything, and we can't let it control us. We need to lean on faith and not even like a religion or you can lean on a religion or your God or whatever you believe in, but if you just have faith in life in general that things are going to work, they will. She was there was one chapter in the book where she says,

just to ask the universe give me a sign. And I was like, desperate, I need something. I need you, whoever you are out there, to tell me that I'm going to be okay and that I'm going to have another baby and that we're going to get through this. And I said it out loud in my kitchen in our old house. I'll never forget it. And now remember the name of the book is the universe has your back. Um keeping faith over fear, something about faith over fear.

I don't remember what the little handle is, but so I go to the gym that that like literally I said that out loud in my kitchen and then I headed the gym with my girlfriends and I'm on the squat press doing my thing and there's a woman like on a machine wait in front of me doing shoulders and she stands up. She turns around. I don't know her. We make eye contact and her shirt says faith over fear. We made eye contact and she walked away. I feel

like I want to cry. I put my weights down and I ran to my girlfriends and I was like, oh my god, my sign, my sign, Like what are you talking about? And I told them the story and I was like thank you, like thank you, Like it's just when you start to really say things out loud and like ask for help from the universe. Like it was intense how quickly that day, like within an hour. And this is when we're still kind of coming out

of your front. Girl, I was not in a good place. Okay, So I'm going to do this with you right now and everyone listening. I am going to put myself out there and ask for a sign that I know I can carry a healthy baby to full term and have a healthy pregnancy and delivery child, and you will. I am asking for that sign, asked for that sign I need, Claire,

I needed a sign. And she tells you to pick something like pick an object, like I picked a yellow butterfly because He Squared, and I always, yeah, I've kind of adopted a yellow butterfly too, And I can't tell you how many yellow butterflies I've seen during this pregnancy. So it's always like, thank you, there's yellow, thank you say when I see because of that book Eat Square, Yeah, I love that. Yeah, And so you know, maybe that's what you pick. You know, so start thinking about your

yellow butterfly and you'll see. My girlfriend tells me her fiance read East Squared, which is another great book, by the way, and he asked for his yellow butterfly because they tell you in the book look asked to see a yellow butterfly. When you open your mind to like look for things, it's amazing how much is in front of you that you We normally just were moving so quickly we don't even notice. So he was looking with she gives you, like what seventy two hours or to

find it he could not find. He was starting to get upset. He's like, it's almost the third it's a third day, it's almost a seventies second hour, and I haven't found my yellow butterfly. Checks the mail. There was a yellow butterfly sticker on a piece of like junk mail addressed to him. He's like, my butterfly, And you know what, Sometimes no, no, I'm just making I love to hear those stories because sometimes this is like going

through like the miscarriage by yourself. When I'm going to like signs by myself, sometimes I don't love myself like process them or I'm like, oh that's just a coincidence, or like that's not real, or I shouldn't worry in a positive way, like I shouldn't take it for granted for the sign negative for the miscarriage is like I try not to even think about it or try to brush off my feelings. But it's like you've got to take those signs for what they are. They are signs,

and it's not just like something random. It's like little gifts. Yes, And she also says when you feel rambled, I don't know if I made sense that I totally get it. You want because I want to fear. That's the fear creeping in, like telling you, no, that's not really a sign, like that's not really don't believe that. Don't let yourself feel you know, like hopeful, because you're making things. That's just wanting to create this. But she also says when

you have those thoughts that you surrender them. Surrend I surrender. I surrender these fearful thoughts to you universe, like you can have them. I've got better things to do. And I can't remember the quote on that, but I'll have to send it to you. But it's just the book is incredible, and my mind went from the lowest it's ever been in my whole entire life to oh my god, this is working. Did you feel yourself dropping that heavy, heavy,

heavy burden of fear and sadness. Yeah, because I feel like I'm at the point where I'm like, I've got to drop this. I cannot move forward, and like, starting in two thousand nineteen, I'm going to like press a reset button for myself. I've already decided with this pregnancy journey. I'm dropping all this sadness and like the process and I want to start over, if that makes sense, with a new mindset, and you should and where you you were able to do that. I just had to teach

myself thanks to this book I gave. It's like my bible. I'm like obsessed. It helped me so much, just these little words. And like the day before our eight week ultrasound with this baby, I was bleeding. I had already been told I was having another miscarriage. It was a nightmare, but I just meditate. I listened to one of our meditations and I sat in a chair in our bedroom the night before and I just said please I I

said it as if it was already happening. I was like, this is my baby, this is my baby, this is my healthy baby. I'm going to have this baby at the end of March, and that's that's it. Like I expect miracles and I deserved them. And I went into the ultrasound the next day and she was expect as the doctor who told me I was having another miscarriage, expecting to see nothing. And she was shocked, Oh my god, you have an eight week and two day old baby

and this looks amazing. She's like, I am shocked and I was like, I had in my mind to come in here and shock you. You told me I was having on the miscarriage. I'm not having another miscarriage. Wow, I want to cry. I just believed so hard. I felt it. Yeah, I felt it from the beginning. I was like, no, this is my baby. I've been feeling off a little bit too. You said you felt off a little bit in the other one. I've been feeling just unsure of myself, unsteady. I don't feel confident in it.

I feel nervous. I'm surrounded by fear. I've seen a lot of other people have miscarriages. It's like we were talking about, it creeps into your psyche. It's like I haven't had a confident mindset about this, and I think that I need to change it. Yeah, but I said this earlier, and I battle with this because I don't really know the right answer. But I feel like with manifestation, I don't think it's that we're manifesting ourselves to lose babies.

And that's another thing I got. You and I both shout manifestations from the rooftop, and it's here we both are in this situation. It's like there's no way. No, I wanted this, But did I do something mentally? No, I don't think that because I just don't think that it works that negatively. I think that that's the universe warning you that this is this is reality. Miscarriages are reality,

and they happen all the time. You take that test and you get that you know sign that you're pregnant, you immediately immediately prepare a place in your heart for that child. And then that baby doesn't come, and it's it's heart it's heartbreaking. It's actually when you really want it, you really want it. That's that's also a difference because some women don't want babies, and maybe you know, they think, you know this good, this wasn't really my route in life.

But when you really want that baby, it's heartbreaking. But you just have to you have to keep your head above water because there's nothing good for you down there, and that's going to help you. I love that you said feel it and then get out. Yeah, you have to feel it, and you have to become aware of it, and you have to get out because I remember my girlfriend. I went over to her house and I was telling her how I'm like, man, I'm like scared. I didn't

even want to come over here. She lived five minutes away. I was like, I was afraid I was going to die in the car coming over here. Like this just crazy like depression, weird thoughts. And she's like, Babe, I don't know if you should get pregnant right now, like in this space that you're in, this headspace, it might not be like a good environment to get pregnant. And I was like, oh no, no, no, no, Mom has got to get out of this. This is okay. I'm not saying I am not going to settle here. This

is not where it ends. That's how I feel. I'm like, I am not like building a house. There's no foundation being poured. I'm getting out of this space and I'm going to thrive and get my head on straight and feel happy about this process again and not be plagued with the fear. And that's how okay. And so you switched it. Yeah, and oh my god, I post I posted a blog post about my miscarriage. Does that free

to say it all oud? Yeah? Yeah. Kristen Breast when she shared her story about her miscarriage, it just struck a chord in so many ways because I could relate. I could relate everything she said. I can relate. Yes, that's what's happening to me. I'm going through this and she helped me. She helped me in so many ways. But just by sharing her story help helped me so much. And I thought, I have to share my story because there are other women that are going through this or

that might go through this, because it's reality. It happens. And I can't tell you how many women women came forward. And one woman seventeen times she lost a baby. There was something wrong with her blood and finally she got a hold of this one doctor and he fixed her and she has like three beautiful children. But just I give her so much respect, and like, how did she

survive that? How do you survive that? But you just dig deep and you find the strength and you lock arms with these women and they help you get through it because because that's it, you have no other choice. You've got to keep on going. And that's what I did, and that's what I hope I can help other women do. And you you know, like you're going to share your

story one day and you're gonna help somebody. And I appreciate you sharing this because when you're entering into this zone, it just feels very vulnerable, you know, like just so vulnerable. You're so because as women especially I know you and I know myself, we like to be in control. Yes, definitely, I'm in control this what wouldn't do? I got this and then this spens and you're like, oh no, no, no, that's not what That wasn't my part of my plan

at all. That is not what I was thinking was going to happen, or that was not on the schedule. But you that's the heart that was. I think it was a hard part because it's so out of your control. Yeah. So now that you're here, you're what what week are you now? It's twenty one weeks tomorrow and you just had an appointment and it was so fun. So now that you're here and you've had this amazing experience, now growing this spag do you know it's a girl or boy?

We're not finding out. God, you're so crazy. I love it. So how has this felt like? How has your energy shifted and how have you been able to enjoy this ride? Well, it's been hard. It's continued work, like every day I worry. I mean, oh my god, you know, go to the bathroom and I wipe them like is there going to be blood? Like it's a thing. And I had to really talk myself off the ledge. And the one thing I tell myself probably every day is Jenna, this is

not your last pregnancy. This is a different soul, this is a different story. You cannot live that space because I can't be I can't live in that space. Like you said, we're not building that house there now, We're moving on, We're on to the next phase. And you know, I fear. I fear crazy things. I fear something going wrong in the delivery room or like I won't even say things because I don't want to even put it

out there. But I will always have that fear. And probably a lot of women who have had miscarriages that go on to have healthy pregnancies feel the same way. I worry about everything, but I'm just trying to do my best to remind myself that this is not the

same baby. I was talking to my friend who has gone through UM a couple of minutes in miscarriages around seven weeks and she I was just telling her all my fears and like why I felt guilty about letting myself feel so sad because I hate feeling so sad because I'm always like, I fell I'm so blessed, Like even though this is sad, I shouldn't feel this sad, Like I'm so hard on myself and letting myself feel

all the way. But she was like, I just hate to break to like you're probably you're going to enjoy pregnancy, but you're always gonna have like a little fear in the back of your head because you just know what can happen. I don't have just like this insane confidence I'm gonna I'm going to change it, but I just in the back of my mind, it's like, okay, what there are some things that can go wrong, and that tiny bit of fear can always creep in. Like you said,

every time looking for blood, is it there? You just pulled your breath. Yeah, it's it's hard because I felt so looking back on my pregnancy with Wake like so naive. I'm like, yeah, I'm pregnant, We're gonna have his baby, and I did and everything was great, but then you know, things change, so you just have to you have to go through it, you have to feel it, you have to get through it. You gotta go through it, but you gotta get through it. How has it changed you

for the better. It's made me just appreciate my son, and my husband and my friends, so my family, like everything so much more like a big time, and my health and like all of our health. Like just please donate to Wakespreads. We're doing a big donation for the kids at the hospital. I love that. So where do we donate? Um, I have we have a po box that we can do. We're taking brand new pajamas and brand new toys to donate to the kids at the hospital and Williamson. I love that. Yeah, I don't know.

I just want to help because I feel like, yeah, Jenna, so it's unders kiss, underscore Jenna, Michelle underscore, Okay, And I want to help. Yeah, I just want to help because I feel so thankful that we have a healthy baby and you know, hopefully another healthy one on the way. And it's just made me feel like, so I got to do something for these kids and these families and these parents that that can't say that, you know, because I wish there was something else I could do other

than go back to school and become a doctor. You know, we have a lot to give and we have a lot to be thankful for, so I want to help them. Jenna,

You're amazing. Okay, So I always wrap every interview with leave your Light, which thank you so much for being so open about this topic and for helping me be open, because I literally when I went through this, I was not miscarring when I booked this um interview with you, and then when I did, I was like, you had shared with me when you had miscarried, and I was like, I want to talk about this on my podcast, but it has to be with the right person who is

open about it. But then also just it had to be you, Like, really, you were the one. I was like, I needed to talk to Jenna about this, and I'm just so grateful that you were willing to be open and honest because it's just such a fragile conversation. Yeah, it is. I I encourage women to talk about it because you can get really stuck inside your own self and you're not alone. You're not alone. It's unbelievable how many people came forward when I started talking about it

to share their story. And not that misery loves company, but you just do feel like oh my god. Okay, so it isn't just me. It's not me, yes, yes, because you do, you put a lot of the blame on yourself, and some things just aren't meant to be. And I just kept reminding myself, like this is happening for a reason, and everything's going to be all right.

That song is always on the radio when I'm going to my no Kenny Chestney, and yeah, you sing it because I can't say it's crazy and everything is going to be all right. It's gonna be all right. I got that tattoo on my arm. This is about Marley, three little birds. Every little thing is gonna be all right. Because I literally was like I need to see that every day. Yeah. That song came on when I was going to my eight week ultrasound with the miscarriage baby,

so that's part of your signs. Yeah, And I thought, because I was so worried that I was going to miscarry anyway, and I'm going to the appointment, the songs on everything's going to be all right, And I was like, Okay, everything's gonna be all right. And I went in there and she's like everything is not all right. Oh my god.

I couldn't even listen to that song for weeks. And the other day I was going to my appointment about to turn in and that song came off and stop and I was like, no, I'm not going to let this be a cause of fear. This is literally telling me I told you everything's going to be all right. Yes, look at you now you've got this baby. So you can't like let fear control you. There's always a positive choice. So in wrapping up, I always like to say, leave

your light, your journey. You've had a wild journey. What is some inspiration you want to give people and just to encourage them and any It doesn't have to just be with pregnancy, but what do you want to inspire people to think and be? I just want people to be happy people and be kind to other people. And I feel like in general, you can always find positivity

in anything. Like people are like I say about this place we're living in, this twenty one floor luxury condo downtown Nashville, complaining because we have to go down to the car and we can't remember where we parked and we have to put our groceries in a wagon. But like there are people it's like thirty four degrees outside sleeping on the streets like we're good. Like, just look for the positivity and everything, and your days will become a lot easier and you'll feel a lot better and lighter.

Yeah so, and you do that better than anyone. You're like a sunbeam. Every time I see you, you have a huge smile on your face, your radiating happiness, like joy comes out of your eyes. You always are that way. I have my days. If you ask my husband, he'll tell you you're human. Great, I'm got a little bit of humanity. You gotta dig yourself, dig yourself out of that hole. Thank you Jennier for joining me. Thank you for having this conversation with appreciate. We're gonna do this

again when you're all knocked up. Okay, we'll read, we'll come back around. We'll revisit this and sending you all the love. Thank you too. Okay, love you girl, can love you girl. Okay, thank you Jennas so much for joining me. That was such an emotional podcast. But I feel like this is such a conversation that needs to be had, So I'm so grateful Jenna was willing to share her story. So much love to her and for the Christmas holidays, I'm going to be taking a few

weeks off. We will be back in the new year with some amazing more wives. I have Hailey Hubbard, be Cole Brittany Kelly, who are both the wives of Florida Georgia Line. I have Caitlin Brown who is married to Caine Brown. All joining me next year twenty nineteen, Oh my goodness, plus so many more will all be on my podcast. Thank you all so much for tuning in. Before we wrap, I want to tell you all about a product I have been using every single day. I

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share their souls with me. So we will see you in the new year. Peace, love and happiness, Happy holidays. The test d