Jana Kramer: Babies & Miscarriages, Plus Navigating Marriage and Career.

I love Jane so much. We talk about everything under the sun. We start this episode with some pretty exciting news, so you're gonna want to tune in and hear that, and then we just dive into her life, babies, miscarriage, the trauma of miscarrying, her marriage, how she and Mike have rebuilt it and are thriving, her podcast, her career, everything, how she makes it all work. And she's so honest and talks about everything just from her soul, so authentic.

So y'all please welcome Janna Cramer. Hi, Jana Crane, Hi, what's going on? Um? Thing out of the what is it? The cat out of the cat out of the bag more like the dogs or the pen because it sounds like there's a racetrackup there's there's a racetracking on upstairs. But it's all good. If you guys hear feet all over the place, which I don't think you can, it's

these tiny little york No, they're not Yorkism. I'm in town right now, staying at my girlfriend's house and she has two Boston Terriers, and I don't think there's very good. Um what's that called? And they run, they're like they're running. They're running the marathon right now, so they're doing the workout for us. But might I'll be able to hear it, but if you do, it's not thunder apologies. Okay, yeah, So the cat, the dogs out of the pan, the cattlet bag? What is it? Would you like to say

it to the camera? Yes, let me share it, not the camera because it's crooked, but you know every can get around here. Okay, great, Um, not that, Caroline. Would you like to tell your listeners something if they didn't see it on Instagram? Okay, So breaking news, Yes, this has just spit announced. Um, Michael and I are pregnant with the girl. Oh my god. Yes, a little girl. I know. Michael was so cute because he was like,

oh my gosh when he found out. He was like, I mean, I'm going to be the male influence in her life. Like you know, girls if they have daddy issues is from their dads. He's like, I don't want to give her daddy issues. And a hundred every single one of my issues came from my dad. Likes like, you're gonna have to be disciplinary and I'm just gonna be like her best friend and hang out with her all the time. I'm like, Okay, oh my gosh, wait, I don't know what did you do the blood work? Yeah?

Then everything came out great because about genetic testing, which you and I have talked about this before. Yeah, I had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy. I think I had two chemical brannancies, but for sure one. So when was the last miscarriage was at what week? It was like six to eight weeks, like yeah, and so it was. I have had so much anxiety around this pregnancy, which

is so crazy. I was talking to one of my good friends who's had two kids now and she had a miscarriage in between her Kristen, No, this is my friend of Texas, but also Kristin Brush. She yeah about this too, but it's just like she was like telling me, She's like, you'll never Unfortunately, You're just not going to be able to enjoy pregnancy like others might because you have this fear. You'll have this fear of miscarrying, and once you miscarry, it like it's it's traumatizing. It's hard.

I mean, I remember when we talked when I did find I didn't know you were having a girl, but when I found out you're pregnant and you were we were talking about that because I've had obviously a couple of miscarriages, and I was just like I watched your video by the way that you posted your YouTube where you were I VF and you had done it, like you had gone through it and you had gotten pregnant and then it didn't didn't didn't work, and like, oh my god, I was like crying with you because it

was so emotional. Yeah, I mean, it was one of those things where I was like, I don't know if I want to share it because it's not like I'm trying to I was not trying to get sympathy. I was not trying to do anything, even with the first

one about this. I feel like they're starting to. I think they're starting to, but I feel like people, I feel like people talk about it after the fact, so like after they've been which is the same thing that I did with it, So after you know, I had the miscarriage, then I got pregnant, and then I finally shared Okay, I had a miscarriage before that, but I think in that moment, it's so hard to share that because you're just and I mean I did with the last one or two or four ja's because it was

just like in that moment, I was like, I don't know when I'm going to be able to post something happy on Instagram again, because this is just what happened. So that's when I shared the photo of losing that

one baby. And then we tried IVF and then it's it's just hard and I turn her into a fog, like I was in a hole a fog for like eight months in the middle of like our pregnancy journey when I wasn't wasn't working miscarrying, like couldn't get pregnant chemical pregnancies, Like I just got sort of depressed because it's super hormonal too, and then just the imbalances that

you go through. But for me, it was more like I go to I don't know how your hubby was, but like with Mike, like he was trying to be supportive, but I just like I go into a hole where I'm like, this is I'm the reason I'm a bad wife because I can't carry a baby and I'm a bad wife and mother, and like I'm not a good woman because I can't carry a child because I keep losing it. So like what's wrong with me? So I just went like real, like I attacked myself for like

longest time. Is that what you did too? I that's when I started to realize it was actually I learned a lot during last year, which was like a just like a very hard season. Um. I learned that I had terrible self talk because I am so positive for everyone else and like I'm so quick you really are

really positive for everybody. I can really find the great things about other people, but like with myself, like I did not realize how brutal I was for on myself and how hard I was on myself and how especially like ugly I talked to myself like I is that where you started doing the like basically like owning your skin of like how you looked in the classes and stuff. Is that I was at the start of I don't

even know. Well. Actually, Michael Chandler, who owns Training Camp, which is an incredible gym, where I did my Fit Females, which anyone and naturally wants to get in great shape to do this six week program. It's called Fit Females. Okay, I think I saw that end of your Instagram. I'm gonna do it again after I have this baby, because it got me the best shape in my life. But Michael Chandler is at three time m in, a world champion fighter, and so his and his wife Bree is incredible.

They owned this gym together and they just talked to the cutest baby last year. Half um. They have so much on their plate and they're incredible people. But he always posted about self talk, and I said, I was like in his gym for six weeks and like I was bettering myself, and like he was always talking about self talk, and I just started like taking inventory of

how I was speaking to myself. And I don't know, I just always beat myself up to pulp and like if I do anything that I offend someone, I think people hate me and I'll like spiral and I have to feel like I have to owe them my apologies for the rest of my life, like grovel on the floor. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I can't get over things. Yeah, because I just feel like I've ruined something if I've made a mistake. But it's not even a mistake, it's

just living. So where in your childhood is that? Like how old are you when you when you act that, like what happened in your childhood that causes you to because part of me thinks, have you done the angiogram? What's your number? Um with my ages? When I go back to you know, what's your number on the indiogram? Oh god, I can't remember. I really can't remember. We had a lady come on the podcast and do that,

so I can't. I honestly can't remember. Okay, Well, I'm a four, which is like a romantic feels like it feels like they're just so unique that no one understands them, and like it's like almost dramatic all the time. So they're like fours are really creative, but like really emotional. So I think part of me is the way I'm wired, Like I'm so emotional like, and I have gotten a grip on it through lots of therapy and just growing

up and understanding the world. But I will just I mean, I could spiral into a hole so fast it's easy too. But then, how are your hormones now, like being pregnant, I've actually I feel I told Michael the other day, and knock on wood, I'm like, I haven't been doing any self help for like the past like four months, which is normally I'm always reading some sort of help self help or posting things or like trying trying to better myself because I'm so trying to speak it into myself.

I've been feeling really good. Maybe the hormones have really leveled you out. I don't feel lost right now. I will tell you what. When I was pregnant, like I even then the very beginning, I felt kind of hormonally crazy. But in the middle, I was just like, for some reason, like I usually have really bad anxiety, and then I didn't have any anxiety when I was pregnant. After I was pregnant, I got my bad anxiety again. Oh okay, But that's just you know, just be careful like after

the baby, like you're the blues and stuff. So we're okay, So talk to me about your journey. When did you have you always had in siety or is that like after being a mom? Um? I got my anxiety post a bad relationship okay early on, Um, I was twenty. It was abusive relationship, so I became really like I don't want to well, long story short. He was the one that I married in Vegas when I was nineteen years old. Did a drive through I noon for two weeks.

Super classic Janet Cramer love story. You know, I love that you're just like all in you know. Yeah, that was a bad one to be all in on um. But no, he ended up going to jail for her attempted murder on me, and then he had a real long story. I tried to murder you? Yeah crazy? Did he have any like success? Like did he a woman alive? I mean, I know what did he like get? Did he really hurt you? And so the problem was where he had his Yes, he really did hurt me. He

broke my ribs and I was black and blue. But god, he it's all good. I'm hello I'm good now, I know and look um but he um, he verbally said he was gonna try to kill me in a text message. That's how they got a premeditated attempted murderer. So that's what. And then then when he tried to do that, because he's like, that's what I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna get my gun, I'm gonna it was I mean, let's

just not go down that whole rabbit hole. But like long story short, you know, he went to jail and um, but that's where I got my PTSD from. So that's where I had a really bad anxiety. Away from him, well he passed away. Oh my gosh. He committed suicide after he got out a prison. Oh my gosh. I was just like because it's just like lightening even wow. Okay, so that is a start. So that's where I got my anxiety. So any time I ever feel because he was like, you know, on top of me, choking me.

So anytime I feel trapped or I just I go into like massive anxiety. And bless my husband, like he doesn't understand anxiety, and so he thinks it's all mental and it doesn't have any anxiety zero great zero and oh my god would have been amazing. What a life, I know. But he but he thinks it's mentally. He's like, tell you, you're telling yourself you're anxiety and like, no, no, you don't understand, like you may think I'm crazy or I'm acting crazy. I was like, I wish I could

be like, oh, I'm just snap out of it. Like you can't just snap out of it. But after having my son, my anxiety came back really bad because I think it was just being out of the house and like he's so little, like you'll have that where you just like have that like mom pole that mom anxiety, or like I just I can't leave the house, but you have to just slow. Like my girlfriend's Beth Katherine Rachel all came in town and I was sitting at

dinner and they're like, are you okay? And I was like and there's like, no, girls, I'm sorry, like I am having a panic attack. I want to go home. And they're like, just like, breathe, You're okay, And all of them are moms so they could help you through it. And I mean I ended up like breathing through it and had like down to the bottle of sprite because I was like, I think I'm just dizzy and like

I'm tired. I don't know, I haven't slept in linking ages but um but yeah, no, it's just like it's you know, you just have to be like just really watch your hormones afterwards, because I think what your husbands don't realize and what we don't realize is you know, when the baby's out, it's like, oh, you're back to normal. It's like, no, you're not. Like your hormones are like they're still here. It takes a year to get back to your normal hormones and now you have a life

that you're fullers. Yeah, well or so I couldn't even a mad baby. You've got a career. I mean you can't just like stop what you're doing. I mean we're self, we're bosses. Know I'm attempted, you're a boss. We're a boss. So it's like we have to you know, we we don't get time off. That's the thing. It's like, oh, you don't have a break, and like no, like I I have, I can't. So you have two kids, speaking of boss, like two kids? Okay, I was actually stalking

earlier today. I started, you know what, I started watching One Tree Hill a little bit you did, because I wanted to know what everything is about, Like a wow, that's funny. And your character was like what a role. She was a hot mess. But I mean so many think she attempted suicide and heard the bats. He felt so sad. You know, I felt bad for her, But she's she's awesome. She was a character. She was fun

because she was complex, Like she came in. Everyone hated her, but then like she yeah, yeah, so she came in and she shook the town. She just came in like just being like this real alcoholic drug addict in which I've never been drunk before. I've never touched a drug. So it's very like you've never been drunk before. And has started laughing in the other room. But I swear to you, I've never have yourn tipsy. So like just I'm like that he was laughing at me. I'm like

described tipsy. Okay, I never had the spins. Okay. Um, tipsy to me is like I can wind like I'm wine happy right now. Okay, So like tipsy to me is where I'm not really a good drinker because I literally will get like how though you're on a bus with like a bunch of dudes, still travel with the boys and stuff. Yeah yeah, I mean I've just never

really been a great drinker. So like if I um, I kind of usually missed the tipsy face and then I'll end up drunk and then I'm like asleep or crying or yeah, so like I don't know, like tipsy, I never get to that like happy place because like if I feel like I have to, like everyone's drinking, I feel like pressure to drink. Then I feel like I can't do it. It's like too much pressure, like

game time pressure, Like I just like croak. I need to be like at a restaurant with friends having Martini's and having some wine and then all of a sudden, I'll just be drinking drink and drink and then I don't know, like I'm dancing and laughing. But I don't know. I feel like you've always been like a very happy, happy, happy drinker. Me or all of my emotions come out and it's like a whirlpool. But I, however, your emotion has been there with the baby like good really, so

I think you've truly evened out. Yes, I do think so, because I don't. I really like the self help has not been when you told me that. Have you interviewed Sarah Bryce Lee Bryce's wife. Okay, she's amazing. She's one of my dear friends. And she told me too, she's like her anxiety, her emotions like leveled out during pregnancy. So I don't know what it is sometimes like And for me to like it helped with the hormones, isn't that crazy? Because like I would look at you and

you think, like, how could you possibly have anxiety? Because like all the things you're eight, you're stunning, dropped in Gordon's probably one of the most beautiful people up and I'm like, okay, well that's just the truth. And so but then you have a great husband who y'all have like really like Workshall's marriage out, Like I have loved watching your journey, like y'all's evolution and y'all's like fight for your marriage and how beautiful it is is amazing,

two beautiful kids. You were like fourth place on Dancing with This Are you have a great music career? Oh? Come on, you have like you won and Best News and then from a record label. That's how the music industry works, you know, But then like and then what then you're not in the charts? You know what I mean? Like even you're down, does that affect you when like you win Best New Female, you have like a smash, like Why you Wanted that was like the biggest song

ever we Got the Boy? Like and god, oh yeah, I Got the Boy was They were both top three, They're both platinum selling singles. And then how does that go from being like the hottest thing to hit country

music to getting dropped? Like how does that happen? Because two singles later, so after Got the Boy, the last two singles didn't chart well, and then they're like moving on, but yet, but yet Warner, Sorry, but yet my label, but last label has kept the four guys that have not even come close to charting the same that I charted, have come close to selling the records that I sold to have come close to any of the sponsors. Like, so, I'm like, but yet you keep yet they're still on

the roster and they haven't charted. So I'm like, but yeah, you dropped me after I failed. No, I didn't fail. I did my part, you know what I mean? So, but so I'm like okay, but yet you keep them and you don't give me the opportunities. So that's it's frustrating.

That is like a big question in Nashville. It's like you can be the biggest thing, have these huge hits, and then like, oh, well, I mean you're I mean your husband right, their bands are they are they resigned there in the middle of working okay, yeah, and so they just made a new album with davidov and it's all great, but it's like you have to keep going hardcore, you know, and that's the thing that you like, here's the thing like with the with kind of country music,

they were always like you have to be in one thing. I'm like, I don't want to just be in one box. Like I'm not just a one box artist. Yeah, well, I'm just like I want to do like so many different things. So it's like that's why like I'm rooting for like Lindsay Owl and those girls because I'm like those like she's the definition of like working her ass off. I mean, she's been working ass off forever forever, And I'm like and I'm like, you know what, Like that's

why she'll win and why I won't. At the end, of the day win and cut your radio because I just was like, I I can't do it anymore, like come and like when she's like I have nothing else but this, and like this is what I'm like, and she's on my amazing like and that's and that's and that's where like my downfall is because I'm like, Okay, well I'm just gonna go do something else, so that that's not really great like if I sometimes I think about them, like, Okay, maybe it's not good to have

your eggs in like different baskets because then it's like you're not really putting percent into it. But I feel like I'm like, how many more free shows at radio play? How many more free like until I'm just like, well, I'm not charting, Like what am I supposed to do? To see? I don't think that it's wrong to put your eggs in different baskets if you have other baskets that you're really good at, because like, honestly, look at

Mandy Moore. To me, she's like one of the most amazing examples of having a great career in music and then stalling out like forever where does she go to music? Who knows? And then she comes out and this is us what she still like works for music and singing

into that career. Yeah, you know, I just feel like if you have the ability to be an actress, if you have the ability to use your voice like you do in a podcast, like if you're really talented in other areas, I think they'll all come together as long as you're still working, you know, like in hustling and trying hard. I think it's when you just throw in the towel and everything. It's like that's when it's probably not gonna happen. But you have not thrown in the towel.

You're kicking ass. No, I mean, I'm still like and you know, I've just released a single and so like I'm doing like I'm still doing things that I love, Like I still love music. I still but I'm just like, I know, I know I can be like, Okay, I'm never going to chart again because that's just not like I'm I'm never gonna get signed again. I'm thirty five years old, thirty five year old female. I'm not going to get signed again. Like it's you know, and it

is what it is. But I know that I've made some great fans along the way, and I'm I'm excited, you know, for to be able to do like different things on my journey and what I'm doing now with my husband and like what we're creating. I'm so excited about that. Talk to me about that. Tell to me how the podcast came about. Well, the podcast is so much fun. I wind the child wind down, yes, um,

and my husband's not my co host. And it started off just me and another girl, and when Michael would come on the show, it was like the show would do good. It was good. But then like when Mike came out, like guy, girls really want to hear a guy's perspective, and he's got such a cool, chill, laid back personality and so happy it seems all the time. I mean, but he'll like, yeah, no, totally him Like I mean, not like all the time, but um no, but he's just he's great, Like he's a good balance.

And then I bring my friend Sarah um becoustic on the show sometimes too, and so it's it's good, like it's a good blend and we have a like it's been therapy for us talking about Yeah, well, I mean we've gotten into it a couple of times on the show one time you wrote an apology to him. Liked because you well, because sometimes I'm sometimes I'm too sarcastic sometimes. Okay, now I'll say this, I'm sarcastic, and some people don't

know that. I'm like kidding. So then they're like, you're always so hard in your husband, and I'm like, well, that's just like how I talk. But then sometimes I'm passive too, and it's not okay to be passive when I actually have something underlying, underlying meanings, there's like a truth, a little truth. So sometimes then the perfect storm is I'm passive and I'm sarcastic, and that's just not nice. Okay, yeah, but that was nice of you to call yourself out.

Thanks what had um? I basically he were you don't have to relive any of it. No, it's okay. It was we had a what are those things called? Uh? Were they marry different wives? Sister wife, sister wife? So we had a sister wife couple on the show um and he basically said that he believes in monogamy, and I was like, do you and so is not very nice, you know what I mean? And so it was just

like he's just like yes, I do. And I was like, well, how can you say that when like, you know what I mean so and y'all like you said you have done so much work on your marriage, like you don't want to. I was like, I didn't need to say that. I know, you know, I think I was being joking, But then really I was like, no, actually I wasn't joking because it was like I got triggered with them, like well then if you believe that, then why did

you do this? So it was just one of those where I was like, that was rude of me and I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said it like that. And then people are like, well, why would you apologize if he did this? I was like, because I still have a partner too, Like he's doing his part, like I have to do my part too, not to like drag him through them on every like two seconds. I was freaking love that and respect that, and I think that that's so awesome and a mature relationship because

something I've learned about marriage after being married. We're gonna be married five years and and we're going together like eleven years, almost ten years, and we've grown so much, like from being immature kids, to breaking up to all sorts of things, and I've just realized, like you really have to assume the best in your partner, let them grow, and let yourself grow and not go backwards. What is y'all's biggest issue? You think, I mean, knock on wood again,

like you not fight to a good place. But we've been together for ten years, so you guys had your like that you confide about, Oh my god, thought about we've broken up about like I moved to Austin for a year. We dated tons of other people. I used to be a hot mess, Like I used to be so worried about dating like a musician and not having

security and not think. I remember having that conversation with you because I was dating someone else and y'all were at our house, remember, and you're like, I think I'm gonna get back together with them, but I don't know, Like I was so worried about this, like the insecure lifestyle. And then I thought he partied too hard and I just was always trying to make him into something that

I thought was like more stable. When so then I like we broke up and I started dating some people that I thought were more stable and I was like, this is torture for me. I would rather live this creative lifestyle, trust in our talents and our drive and just like believing in each other and just like let the wave ride and now look at you, guys, I will say, like we have really gotten to a great place.

And like the first year marriage is really hard. Like I had a really hard time with the first year of marriage just adjusting. And he was on the road all the time. He had three gorgeous backup singers that were living with them, and I was like kind of insecure because we eloped we'd been married four months, and then he was like on the road. They had a huge number one hit. He had three gorgeous backups who

were great friends of mine. But I just was like coming off of the dating scene and I had like just insecurities. So that was hard for me to just get comfortable with. But then you get used to it all on your It's like girls travel with guys in their band, right. But I just had to get my trust back and I had to trust that we were really I mean just I don't know, doing this forever. Doing something forever is like legit. Well yeah, and then I mean gos should think about like even the next

ten year. It's like you're going to grow so much more, You're gonna learn so much more, and now you're gonna have kids along the way. How many kids do you want? I mean definitely one, definitely one. Um, two would be the two. I don't know, what are you most scared

about being a mom? Um m hmm. I am scared about some of them getting hurt, hurt physically emotionally, not as much emotionally because I feel like, Okay, I feel like I've been through so much stuff in my own head that like I'm gonna hope in my mind, I'm like, I'm just gonna be so ready to talk everything out with my daughter where I'm like here for her, I'm gonna have ence. But I know when I get there, I'm sure they're a totally different story the same thing.

I'm like, I'm like I've lived it, and like now I have this like plethora of information to help her become her she wants to be. See, I know, like here at who Then she becomes like a three nager and you're just like, just what is it like having a three nager? She's tough? Man? Yeah, she's even just like even in the car, like Michael and I were saying, she's like Mama, no step And I was just like, who are you? Like I birthed you, be nice to me,

Like be nice? What is your biggest fear as a parent? Um? Like, I know I'm gonna mess them up. I already know that. Like I know they're going to have to go to therapy at some point because I did something. I mean, they're going to be too loving, not loving and not I'll never not be loving enough. I mean they're gonna be too overbearing to um strict one something that messes them up from this, Like, you know, I even't made

a mistake. The other day like, um, I was talking to this nutritionalist who came on our podcast and I said, you know I occasionally, not occasionally, I I've created this bad habit of weighing myself. And no, You're like, I'm a fact. Well no, it's just it's a long story, but it's it was something that like I could control.

So it was like, do you have body dysmorphia? No, okay, I have a number dysmorphia, Like you needed to be a certain number of a bad day terrible, Like the number will what if it's like half a pound or pound off, doesn't matter, it will ruin my dad, And you keep putting yourself through this. Well, so I'm slowly getting out of it now. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm getting

out of or now. But I used to have that too, and I used to think to diet pills and have all also see that's the thing, like I wouldn't like I'm not a diet no, Like it's just it's just the you need the number because that means that what does that mean to you? But I'm good enough. I get that. So is your biggest struggle? But then you're not enough always? Where did that come from? Dad? Dad? Yeah? Always dad, Dad. We're good now though, okay yeah, but

nutritionist came on. So she came on and it was just like, for example, I never would have thought this, but like she had saw me weighing myself in time,

She's like my turn. I was like, yeah, go ahead, But just that moment her getting on there, it was like, oh my god, I just taught her to get on the scale, like even though I didn't tell her too, but she saw me doing it, and now I was going to be like wants to do it even though she just has no idea what it is and things it's like pretty and like a little lights going on

or whatever. But like then now she's gonna like associated scale and it's like so I'm like, oh my gosh, Like so I'm like, somehow I will mess her up. So I think of my biggest fear is where is it going to like mess her up that she's gonna have to? Like do you ever worry that she's going to feel like she's in your shadow? Because you're such

an exceptional persons, think an exceptional female. I think I think I'm praying she'll be like excited to be like independent and like work for everything that you know she's what if it's hard for because you're so beautiful, you're so talented. I mean she's going to be ten million, goodzillion times more beautiful, which is beauty and pretty in a French French? Yeah, I know. Do you know your girl's name? No, we're still trying to, okay, narrow it down.

Did you know before you had your babies you did? How did you come up with them? Um? Jolie was a name that I always loved and then Jason actually came from my friend Sarah Bryce. Again. She has her kid's names are always like the Ryker in Dakota, like really cool, like different names, and she's she sent me a list of names and she goes then she says, Jace.

It means healing. And the timing of when Michael and I were going through our stuff, I was just like and then with the miscarriages and then again we you know, kind of our journey. I was like, this is our, this is our, this is the name. Like he's he's healed us. You feel the relationship and everything, so has it has he really has a million percent. It's really healed. And he's like the love of my life, a little boy, Like I at first was very upset to have a boy,

and then I found out was it was. I was just like, oh my god, because I love jo, Like girls are so much fun. You're gonna have so much fun? Is that first so fun? Hard though? Yeah, but it's great though, Like now, like because I know it's the last time I'm holding onto every second, I'm like, I don't care that he's up and it's four hours, Like I love it, Like he's the best. He's like it was just like just hold onto them because they grew

up so fast. So I'm literally soaking in. Like Michael's like, wait, you just yelled at me for not putting Jays down. And I'm like, yeah, I know, but it's like the last one. I want to hold them, like he's might be my boy, Like let me hold them a little

bit longer. Oh my gosh, I love him. So when did you and Michael make the decision that you guys are going to fight to heal your your marriage and everything, because you fably have gone either way at one point right well, when he went away for a couple of months, Um, I didn't know. I was only doing it for Jolie, like just like to stay to say that, like I

gave it my all. And then a therapist basically said give it a year, and I was like, oh year, Like no, and they're like no, Like when trauma happens in a relationship, you should give it a year because the gut instinct just like peace out, see you later. But if you give it a year, like you can see maybe growth and you can see maybe the person trying or not trying. And I said, fine, like I'll give it a year, and he's like, and then after that year, then give it like a month or whatever

you want it to be. So it's like you give it a year and then you look at a year and you say, Okay, I'm gonna give you two more months, and I'm gonna keep seeing. And we had like a bunch of ups and downs. But what I continuous when what I kept seeing was like he was putting like the building blocks up, and yeah, I had some would come down and some stuff would happen, but I would I saw growth and I saw someone willing to work. It wasn't like I was just doing the work and

he wasn't. Like we were both putting in the work. And I think that's what made me want to fight for it instead. How did you see yourself changing? I change because I'm the kind of person and when something happens, I'm a piece out immediately. That's sort of my natural tendency. I think, yeah, piece out. I will find someone else, I'll you know, and they'll be Shye're not gonna hurt prettier, Yeah you will. You will not hurt me, And I'm

gonna find someone way shinier, way prettier. But then they're going to have the same issues because I still have the issues that I haven't worked out on myself too, So like through all that stuff, I've been able to work on my stuff and worthy, Yeah, dessert. It's hard though, you know, it's you know, and we constantly get triggered like something just happened the other day where it's like I don't feel enough or I don't feel appreciated. Well, I don't feel enough when you said this, So it

all comes back to the root. It's just about how you communicate on the way out. So have you really worked on your communication skills? That is everything, isn't it? Yeah? And not reacting well, the thing is is what communicating with empathy. So it's like when you say something, it's like they're not saying you did something wrong, but say like how you made you feel like I feel like this, I feel about you doing that it made me feel this way, or I feel I feel sad when blah

blah blah. And instead of being like, well I didn't do like that way, it's like I'm so sorry you feel that way, right, So touching and be like can I help you understand why did this? You know, coming out with love yes, instead of like because my That's how I used to be. Like the first half of my relationship with Michael before we broke up, I would just react and get angry and also piece out like by see you later, yeah yeah, And then it's like okays,

so easy to go it is. But then you then you have kids, you know what I mean, It's like you have kids, like I don't want to, like I don't want to. I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it alone. I mean I know I could, but also there's really no one. There's no perfect person out there. That's what I realized. And I dated people for two years and Mike and I were broken up, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go get this perfect life put together, white picket fist fins.

I dated so many people you don't even want to know. I was like a tornado. My friends and I moved awesome. My friends were like, you're a tornado. You need to rain in your tornado. Because I would go out every

single night like looking for dudes like to date. I totally, I totally hear you, and I would not want to have like a rocket my like I'm like, yeah, no, no, totally, Like but I would go on dates like everyone from like businessmen to lawyers too, I mean name them all over the place, like everyone who I thought I had their ship together, and I would be so unimpressed board board or just like hate the way their mouth looked, or the way they talked, or the way they like,

I mean, the weirdest things would trigger me and I would just be like, I can't do this with this person. And finally I realized that there is no perfect person. You have to just love, you know, when you love someone and love all of their imperfections and then learn to love those and then that you don't even see them like you used to because I know I have a ton of imperfections. Oh, I mean same. So I mean it's you know, but we're It's as long as you can look in the mirror and you can do

your work. I think that's the most important thing. And I have something about marriage that has like game changed for me is knowing that I'm in it for the long haul with Michael. It is like that thought of something else like went away, and so it's like, okay, this is where I am, So let me make this great, and so like from there's no other option for my own self. I want to have a happy life, and so for me to be happy, I need to be happy with him. Because your spouse determined so much of

your happiness. You're with him all the time. So it's really like, Okay, let me water where I am because this is the rest of my life. So let me make this great. And then you end up building each other up. But like you have to train yourself how to do that. Yeah, it's hard. Well, it comes with it. I think we're a little like we're wiser now, that's right, you know, I'm like god the twenty mid twenties Joanna would never talk to you about mid twenty n Jannah.

What was she like? Just a love addict at the core, just going from like guy to guy. I mean, like love me and they're like I love you, Like all right, bye? Did you want to get everyone to love you? Because then if you got everyone to love you, you'd feel like you were totally lovable because you proved yourself that I just I was, that I would then then I would be enough. It was bad. It was just real bad. I was real bad. I I apologized to every single person.

I did that too, but we're all a ship showing our twenties bad. Okay, So how did you break the love addict? Janna? Oh, you know, I met my husband and then had to go through that struggle. You know. I'm just like because then you realize like what's underneath that and like why you do that and where's yourself worth? M hmm. Yeah, So it's tough, but you know it's good. Thirties is my best okay, So what's thirty thirties is? Um, I still want people to like me, but in a

way where I'm going to be authentic. So I'm I love being authentic. I still get hurt when people say mean things, but it doesn't affect me as much as it would affect twenty. And I don't react the way that I would usually react, which is like, well, I'm sorry that they're unhappy with their lives or I'm sorry they're going through something that they feel like they have to mean to me. But thirty is going to like thirties. Thirties Janna is like, all right, I'm I'm I'm focused

on me, my family and building my life. Yeah, I'm building my life, not building like not trying to make other people happy. That's a breakthrough. Yeah, but you know, we go and we it's like it's like ups and downs like flows. You know, I have that. I have like the people pleasing things so much, but I feel like I've really gotten over it more not over it. I'll always have it. It's like my true thing, my thing. What's your sign leo? What's your love language? Uh? Words

of affirmation, afformation? Okay, what about your touch? Really touch me? Like awkward? Isn't really like I'm so touching with your least with my girlfriend's. Like if my girlfriend's like hug me or want to snuggle or something, I have to make myself do it. Well I'm not like now like but like yeah, with Mike come out, was just that's my number one and that's like his last one. So it's like, okay, what's his His is um access service And I could give like two shirts about the Oh

my gosh. I appreciate when people do access service, though, does he do access service for you? Yeah? But that's not my love language so I couldn't care less. But he probably gets a lot of stuff done. Um no no, no, no, no, we I would say we're very equal, like with with chores and work and stuff like that. Okay, I have a better timeline, but it's still equal because you're super competitive. Competitive. But then also like I want things done like yesterday, No,

actually like weeks ago. Yeah, okay, what's your sign um sagittarius? What does that mean? It's very fiery, were noncommittal. We like, if you really, let's go a s hand for it right now, I'd be like, let's go, let's do it. Totally super spontaneous, awesome love. We love to love. We're hard to commit though, So look at you, just like breaking some of those stereotypes some of them, yeah, but it's on them. So what's your greatest fear and what's

your greatest joy in life? Or is a mother or career? Okay, let's do let's do mother, career, life, jesus. My biggest fear as a mother is um, well, Jesus, I mean this goes real dark. But my my biggest fear of something happening to my children. Yes, well I think that's normal. Oh. My biggest fear as a mother, like me messing them up, would be like, um, you know that they're not nice? I would I would hate to find out that when my kids is a bully. That would make me really sad.

What's your great success as a mother? Oh, they're the night like the teachers are. Just say that they're the nicest kids, and they're lovable and warm and smart and independent like just all things. That's just like everything. I would love that that would be the speed, the best. Um uh. And then my biggest fear as an artist or workwise is that people just stop caring. I guess that would suck mm hmm um. Yeah. Sometimes I feel

like I'm just going to fade away. Like especially I think that every single day, I'm like, why is anyone, Like even with my podcasts and stuff, I'm like, because I've been doing it all by myself. I don't really have a team or anything. I'm like, does anyone even listen to this? They do, but I'm like, why am I even doing it? Like what am I doing this for? Do you ever feel that way? Every single day? Like sometimes all even like do a story and like why

am I doing? Like who cares to? And I'm like I'm the only one watching and I'll see that people watch it, but I'm like those aren't people like that's not those aren't really like and Catherine and like bad. I'm like, didn't really care what I'm saying. Yeah, and it doesn't feel like real people. And I know why is that? I don't know. I think we don't give us I don't. I don't think we have enough self forth.

It's always the core self love and self forth. But now I think that's my biggest fear is I'm terrified it's going to go wait any second and other people just won't care anymore. That's never gonna come. Well now, I mean, you know what I was um and then what was the other one? Maybe in life? In life? Oh man, that I don't that I die, and then I don't get to see my kids grow up. Yeah, and they could be like, oh she was such a good mom, but I wish I would have had more

time with her. Life becomes very real, are it doesn't very scary every time I get in a plane and I'm like, oh, dear god, I could have been such a great I was. I would have been the best, Like I do. I know, I do my own like eulogy in my head. I'm like she was going to be a great, Like she would have been great. Oh I wish I would have known her, Like, yeah, Like I had literally go through that in my head. It's real messed up. Did you ever have life and death

fears before you had kids? Like that? I always said I was gonna die young. So I'm glad that I've surpassed that. Yeah, because I thought I was gonna die in my twenties. I don't know, I just always had that like got in my head. But there's you know, it's hard to stay alive all the way people can die. It's crazy. It's happening all over the world. It's a damn miracle. Okay, I'm not talking about like, oh God, no,

So what gives you strength? My kids, man, I like, I'm obsessed with them, I really truly like, I love being a mom. I love doing what I love you know, the podcast I love doing. You know, my husband and I are working on something super exciting right now. I can't wait to share with everyone. Um, Like, I love doing that stuff and I love even though I get

rejected seven. I do love auditioning, and I love acting and singing, but I love being a mom and I've I've always walked out of audition rooms not feeling like I did good enough. I've always walked out of a studio and like I really suck and I don't have as good as a voice as like make a guy in or you know, and I love her and like

or you know, freaking carry Underwood. I I know that, but I always am like, but I'm like I don't have a good voice or I don't have I'm not a good enough influence or good enough for this person. But like I know I can walk away that even even I know I can walk away saying I'm a great mom. So like that just like fills me up so much, even though sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mom, but I still know at the end of the day that I'm a great mom. That's so

awesome and that's like my favorite favorite thing. Can you give you some tips on my via new mom just like just like just learned together, you know, and just and sometimes something I said enjoy the other day, I was like, I'm sorry, baby, mommy messed it up. Like I didn't. I didn't mean to, like I might have snapped it like just like own up to your stuff.

Don't like don't be like like just like for me, it's like just be their friend too, and like but be their parents at the same time, protect them but love them and be there for them, and you will feel like you're failing and it's going to be really hard. And sometimes I like the other day, I was like,

why did I want this? Like, you know, because I'm like for then the second I mean, she's upstairs sleeping right now, I'm like, I cannot wait until this is over so that I can go in her room and kiss her and cuddle with her, like just to give her like one like his last kiss good night. But I couldn't wait to put her down. So like that's like the like, that's the crazy thing. I loved how today you said you had a big MOVIEY felt because

you totally forgot her bag. We're at the airport and we're like, oh my, for how long are you all here? Three days? But still like this three days, I'm like, we forgot her suitcase. So I had to go over my friend's house and get closed. I'm like, what a freaking failure, Like what a freaking mom veil no, no, But she's happily chucked up and she didn't even know friend closes. Yeah, she's like my bag, my bag, And I was like, I forgot clothes are in my bag,

baby girl, Like I packed it together. Oh my gosh. Okay, So if you could have laid out what would you connect five years to look like? Oh my goodness. Well, we're moving back to Nashville, which I've never been more excited.

How is looking? In l A. It was the best thing for Mike and I to start fresh and to have no reminders of anything, no triggers of anything like fresh like yeah, like we literally pressed power off, power on, like and that's just like we we just restarted there and we you know, we had another baby there and so like, I I will miss l A because A I love the weather, but also I'll miss just kind of like what we started there. And but I'm excited to start the new chapter back again here. Do you

think the new chapter is gonna be? Like here? I think it's gonna be It's gonna be exciting, But I'm also scared because there's so many things kind of in the works that I'm like, it's either going to be a massive success or a massive failure. You know what, I don't think any of it is a success or failure.

Because it all keeps you going. Yes, I know, but it's interesting, you know, the entertainment industry though, Like so, I mean I feel like every like any percent of what I've done has not panned out to anything, but

it's still looking back, I'm like, it's still helpful. I know. Well, and even like I look at I'm like, all right, one of the biggest failures that people might think is, okay, what happened with my husband and I, But honestly, if you look at it them like, it's been actually the biggest blessing and the biggest success is because now we have a successful podcast because of what happened, because we talked about it now in other things that we're doing together.

Because of that, it would have never happened. So like making other people feel okay to talk about their problems and work through them and be honest, you know, because a lot of people have a hard time being honest about stuff. So if you and micro up there like being honest with your relationship, well that's what I love about you too, though, is because like everyone, especially in the influencing world two is they you know, they post the real pretty pictures of them, and I just I

can't do that. I'm like, this is my house right now, and it's like I haven't picked up laundering like five days, like and this is and this is no hate to break to You You always look like a dream, No, but I mean, like sertainly we're just like I like, I don't feel great or whatever, Like it's just you keep it real and I think that's what I think, that's what will win at the end of the day. Oh, so much of my life is like a hot mess. Like I look at my face, I look like a pug.

I told Michael, you are pregnant with a beautiful baby. But I didn't know how much I love botox and I like have like I didn't know, but I don't have like big lines. I have like a hundred little I mean, but the rest your face. No, I'm about to cut banks. You're fine, but you only have a couple of more months left. People. Stop doing that. You're making it worse. Look at how many I told Michael, and it's just like tape it. I was like, you're married to a pug dog, I mean a pug dogs.

He was so funny. He's going to kill me that the second that you have the baby out, you can do it. What about breastfeeding? Oh I didn't breastfeed. Oh I'm gonna try here, gonna try. Michael's gonna kill me that I said this. Okay, So, like I got my hair because I was too scared to get my hair highlight the first trimester because I don't know anything carriage. I was just like I was so anxious of having another miscarriage. And we did. We talked about that all

right on here, like how it's just like so nerve racking. Yeah, I mean I told you. I was like I was wiping in thirty seven weeks and still going like, oh my god, is it red? I'm terrified? Same, I mean it's not t m I guess because it's a real thing. Like the first for tween weeks, I was checking for blood every single day because you're just so and like anytime you get a little cramp, oh really that's it, It's like it's happening. And so did you get the

heart heart thing? No, I don't have. You gotta get up so you can check it on your own heartbeat. What did you say to Mike? So I finally got my hair highlighted. It's like and it's still not even that much. I gotta go bonder because it's not blond enough. But he was like, oh my god, you're getting all your stuff done. He's like, so you're back and like just getting all your things now because you're for the first trimesters like so, I guess um. The only thing

you can't do is like that your face procedure. I was like, oh, my botox. It's like, oh, are you noticing that? He's gonna kill me. He didn't mean like that. He was just saying, like, you can't hear you. And I was like, but it's okay. I know I'm a pug. It's fine, Like you can just rub my belly. He was like, no, I mean like that. It's just so you can't get botox for pregnant. I was like, it's fine, I know it's there. Seriously, I want to tell Michael,

I'm not calling you out. He was really not trying to be, but I just thought I died laughing so hard. That's because I mean, I've just never felt more wrinkly. But you look amazing. They all connect to my forehead, connects to my eyes, connect to my cheeks. You know, but your mama it's like a giant rainbow. You're you're beautiful. You know you're beautiful. Seriously, you don't even I'm not finding it's just a notice. I've just noticed it. You

look amazing. I promise. Yeah, you're gonna be okay, You're gonna a beautiful baby girl, and everything's gonna be amazing. And I'll help you pick out you know, what you need for your registry, what you need and what you don't need, because there's a lot of things that you need, a lot of things you don't need. I need all the list. Yeah, I'll get you. I'll get you all of it. Okay, So I leave, I like trap all

my podcast with the same question, only your light. Oh yeah, so just leave some inspiration everything that you've gone through. And I have to say again, Michael was not calling you out. I thought it was funny. He's gonna be like, why did you say that. I didn't mean it in a bad way to podcast. No, but if you heard that I said that, he would be like, I didn't mean it like that, So he's off the hook. I

just thought it was funny. Um, because to leave your life, um, how I have everything you've gone through all your life experiences, everything, Like what kind of wisdom do you want to pass on to someone who's listening to you, maybe looking up to you, Like, what do you want to tell someone listening to you. Well, it's funny that you say leave your life, because one of the things that I've always said, um is what I've always told someone about intellgrale is

never let anyone take your light. So because I think that's I've had people take it, and I've taken it from myself at times. And your light, your or your presence is the number one thing that you can bring to a room, to a relationship, to life too, I mean everything. It's like your warmth when you walk into conversations, relationships, meetings.

I mean that's like to friendship, like that is your Like I just don't at anyone ever dim that because you should feel beautiful, you should walk into a place you should feel loved and cared about. And I don't know, I think when someone tries to take that from you, it's just it just doesn't make you feel good. It's not it's not a good place to be in. So how do you keep your light? Here's the thing is I think you have to go through the ups and

downs to go through it. And that's the thing. It's like you're going to have the heartbreaks, You're going to have the people that try, but it's it's always bouncing back to who you know, who you are, And I think that just that just takes growing. And I'm excited, like I want, like as much as I want to keep Jolly and my kids in a bubble wrap, I want them to also experience the highs and lows. And it's going to be painful as the parent to watch.

And sometimes it's hard for me to watch myself go through the failures and like why didn't I get that part in I'm bullying my eyes out? Or why is this person mean? Because I'm so upset. But when you can be on the opposite side, I think is if you when you if you can reflect, that's how you can keep making your light brighter. I love that. And you sure do the work too. You have to do the work. You do it. You do all the work,

So do you, Ben. We're gonna growing a little baby, and it takes a lot of energy to do the work, but it's worth it. It It is because if you don't, then you just carry your problems with you for the rest of your life and it's just not fun. And then you're blaming other people and it's like, yeah, we could walk around and be like I have daddy your shoes,

like yeah, great, okay, next, like let's fix it. There comes a point where it's like, yes, you have really awful things that happened, and like I hate it for everyone here has ship, but it's like and we all have got to have it. Own it at some point. Own it, embrace it, learn from it, grow from it by yes, and then you don't have to carry it yet. Then you can release that. Yeah, it's amazing. You're like hilarious, girl, I love you. Thanks for coming on and talking to me.

When the baby's out, we're gonna have so much fine right, and we won't be living here. We won't get drunk. Okay bye m hm