So how to keep monogamy hot? Now? How would you say, how do you keep monogamy hot? Now? Vulnerability number one? That that's it, Like you have to be vulnerable, you do. And I don't talk about vulnerability that much, but the suggestions I have for couples do exactly that a lot of couples are vulnerable. Just feel uncomfortable, you've been talking about something. So my first how to keep monogamy hot? Part one was decide what's how a day you're going
to do it? And I said, you know, in my house nighttimes, or for sleeping in mornings, or for coffee. So I prefer five thirty pm, right before dinner. You know, a don't empty stuff wonderful, you know, it's like an appetizer. Uh. People lost their minds. I had been growing by five followers a year on social media, so I had like two thousand followers on Instagram. I got my audience group by fifty thousand people in forty five days when you
started sharing this, because people need to know. I was so in a way that people were blown away that like, you can talk about sex outside the bedroom. Okay. So there's the people who are like, wait, we just go do it, we don't talk about it. And then there are the people who talk about it but like just want more variety or want like a different thing to try,
you know. So that's what my content does. It's just these invitations and then people will go out on a limb and say, hey, babe, you want to or they'll text you want to have sex, want to meet me in the bedroom at five thirty, right, like you know,
texting your partner for a booty call. That's fine. And then they'll go and they'll sneak away from the kids, they'll have some hot sex and they'll come out and they'll be like, oh my god, it feels so good when we're on the same team, like we just we had an objective and we win and we just like we just nailed it right. So then they're like, oh, baby, I need to tell you something about the way you've been budding the groceries away. Could you are you willing?
Blah blah blah. They're like, sure, everybody's Mr and Mrs cooperative, Like this is what I mean. When we just lower our defenses just a little bit, then we're more willing to let the other person in outside the bedroom. So thousands and thousands of couples have instituted, implemented, They've implemented my ideas and it's totally changing the way they talk
about everything. So you're saying, plan sex, make it a priority, and then when you're in that open state, then share some things that really you need to talk about as a couple that communicate right absolutely when there's that trots and you just have that shared success like the great you know when you're on a high, like you know after a great game or a great concert or something right like these are things that we don't get to
experience with our spouse very much. That this is usually something like at work or you know, with your sports team you like, or or you don't have it anymore in your life and you're like, oh, where can I get that rush? So going together and they is why I love that my husband and I are both former athletes. We'll go in and we'll go in like, well, we'll want to make like a personal best like Okay, do you think I could have three orgasms in five minutes?
Do you think like from right now to that right? So it's like the intensity, we set goals, we have a plan, we have a play. We have our plays. We'll say are we doing medium? Where we doing long? It's like we got our game plan and yeah, and then we can be like, yeah, we executed. And it's like just that experience of like, we are really good at this together. Because that's why everybody got married. They thought outside arranged marriages, if you have a consensual marriage,
it is we're really good at this, meaning life together. Yeah, you're really good at this together. So when there are struggles in life, if you can find one area of your life where you are ah an epic team, spend time there. Spend time renovating that that garage together, when you are where you shine together together a group activity where you both can shine and be a team, be a team, and where where it's not just like washing
the dishes together. It's like, you know, you, Caroline, the strengths that only you bring that Michael goes, thank god, Caroline can do that, and then the strengths that he brings, and you go, oh my god, thank you for Michael because he can do that, and together you achieve something that's like so much better than what you could do
on your own. Those experiences are what reminds us of why we paired up in the first place, and then it helps us reach for that in a discussion about what are we going to do for a summer vacation next year, and you're like, oh, well, I would love this, and he's like I would love this. And you can start to equate your strengths with also your desires and there's this trust like, oh yeah, she's got good ideas and he's got good ideas. How do we how do
we bring this together and make it even better? You know, instead of like one of my way. You had your way last time. But it was like, no, we are on the same team. There's no win win, there's no win win. There's a w for the day. Did we both feel loved and supported and did we expand today or did we not? It's only one of you did well. It's a it's a lose. Come on, let's go, let's
go team happy and healthy. Both of you up. And it takes work, and it takes being intentional, and it takes connection, and it takes vulnerability, and it takes prioritizing it like you have to do all of those things right. So if people could do that in the bedroom, then you're checking like a lot of boxes at once, right it. I think that's why so many people love it. Like my d m s are for men, and most of my readers of Swing are men. It was a book
I wrote about being unhappily married to a man. But I just open up and I go, this is what it feels like to be human. And they're like, oh my god, I saw myself and you in the book. I was like, yeah, because we're all the same on the inside, you know, take out the heart, all the parts that hurt, they're all similar. Um. But men are going like, oh, okay, this is like some sort of self help stuff that where you know, my ego is like I can I can open myself to this, thinking okay, yeah, yeah,
we're gonna get some hotter sex. But oh actually it's all this feeling stuff, which actually I really wanted to talk about. But I needed like this door light in and yeah I needed a way And oh my god, Ashley Renard, you are freaking amazing. You're saving marriage is left right? How to keep monogamy hot? I freaking love it. Author of Swing, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your wisdom and your life journey. For being so open and vulnerable and brave and sharing your story
because all of us can relate. You know, we all want to have a healthy relationship, and that we get so low cost and being human and all of our own insecurities that we don't realize that we all really want to be on the same team. We just block ourselves out, you know, And it comes down to these methods that you share and it feels like it's sex, but it's really so much more. It really is. Thank you so much for having me, Caroline,