Love this podcast? Support this show through the Acast Supporter feature. It's up to you how much you give and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. This January, only in cinemas. Tell me how it felt to be on stage. Angelina Jolie is Maria Callis. An exaltation. I thought the stage itself would burn. From the director of Jackie and Spencer. Critics agree. I will sing when I am ready to sing. My life is opera.
Maria, exclusively in cinemas January 10th. So where are we up to? Okay, we're going to do the next one now. Lost tarts. Yeah, lost tarts. Nice. okay so glasses have to go back on no no no hat this time no hat there were no tri-cornered hats in this story so therefore i will not be wearing them he's wearing a kind of nude, nude-ified heart under his t-shirt, aren't you, James? Of course. A hurdy-gurdy's going to be whipped out at some point. Oi! Come on.
Will this episode start with that Herdy Gurley music? Yes! An ancient kingdom with legends of violence, cruelty, and torment in its blood. Join your hosts, Ross, John, and James, as they bravely tread where few would dare. Witness their journey into the horrific history of British horror. They are... The General Witchfinders.
Ladies and gentlemen, goblins and ghouls, Happy New Year! Wow! It feels just like mere seconds ago we were with you talking about our Christmas offering, which was, and the ash tree, if you haven't heard that yet, do go back and listen. Listen to that. Why not? And I hope you did get everything you wanted in the morning. I hope you woke up and it was all there, ready and there for you. And as always, I am James in Bournemouth in Southern England. I'm John Pountney. Still John Pountney.
I'm still here in, I haven't washed away from those floods that were about a month ago in South Wales. I hope he doesn't wash away between now and then. And then, then and now. This is like the time shifts going on in the last one. It's all over. And I'm Ross in Dorchester in Southern England. This time we were in search of the lost heart. Well, she did say that there had been other children in the house, sir. Did she? Quite so, but they're gone. Gone. I like.
inquiring minds have one myself there's so much to know so much to learn in this old world yes sir and when none of us give much time life's bad me a flicker no time at all Censorinus. Have you read Censorinus? No sir. Excellent fellow. He's searched. Dead now. 403 BC. But his work lives on. Immortal. To some, to the chosen, immortality is given, Stephen. Yes. Can I just ask what day it is today? It's New Year's Eve. It's New Year's Eve. Yes. I was just checking because, yeah.
I've had a rough week. Haven't we all? So, the original run of A Ghost Story for Christmas aired on the BBC from 1971 to 1978. bringing classic ghost stories to television and keeping alive the tradition of sharing supernatural tales during the Christmas season. In our journey through the series, we've covered A Warning to the Curious and The Signalman in episode 21.
Whistle and I'll Come to You and Stigma in episode 32, and The Stools of Barchester alongside The Treasure of Abbot Thomas in episodes 41A and 41B. Just five days ago on Christmas Eve, we delved into the ash tree and we all very much enjoyed it. I think if you missed it, you can find it in our podcast feed.
as I've just been mentioning. And tonight, we stand on the brink of Space Year 2025. We're excited to bring you Lost Hearts. Written by Robin Chapman, produced by Rosemary Hill, and directed by the series creator, Lawrence Gordon-Clark. Lost Hearts is based on the 1895 ghost stories of the same name by M.R. James. It first aired on BBC One on December 25th, 1973. marking the first installment in the series to be broadcast on Christmas Day itself. One of only three to ever air on that day.
Robin Chapman also wrote 30 episodes of Tales of the Unexpected. Seek out episode 29, says Ross, when our good old Bernard Cribbins makes an appearance. yeah the film features joseph o'connor as mr abney miss o'connor lent his voice to the narrator in the best muppet movie the dark crystal according to ross played mr brownlow in oliver
And it says Q. James mentioning the exclamation point there here. Indeed, it's Oliver with an exclamation point. Yeah. And portrayed, and he portrayed the coroner in, now it says, Russell the Gordon. The Gordon, not the Gorgon. So I'm assuming he meant the Gorgon. Yes, I did. What did he appear as? The coroner in the Gorgon, not the Gordon. Did he really? Not the Gordon the Gopher. No, I was thinking of Gordon.
Gordon K. Gordon K. I watched The Gorgon the other night. It's one we definitely have to do. We're doing it next. Oh, we're doing it next. It's not a very good film, but it is... one of the most interesting hammers by far. And I think that it's the only one with a romantic storyline to it. So, yeah, so we're doing that next time. That's a sneak peek. That's a New Year's Eve sneak peek to you, dear listener. Yeah, for next year. For next year. That's 2025. It's insane, isn't it?
I want to talk about this. When James has done the introduction, I want to talk about Target 2006 for a minute. Okay. Okay. So, Simon Gips Kent. plays Stephen, the young protagonist. Tragically, Gipps Kent passed away at just 28 years old. Oh no! However, in his brief career, he appeared in several notable films and TV shows of interest to our listener. He played Paul in The Tomorrow People, had a brief role in Quadrophenia.
portrayed Seth in the Doctor Who serial The Horns of Nimmon, and starred in something called A Traveller in Time from 1978, which was filmed at Babington House, a farmhouse owned by the parents of blue people. pizza presenter and stalwart simon groom amazing and i don't know why but simon groom's solo attempt at a pop career is forever lodged in my mind. I'm sure I'll be playing now. Simon Gruen became the seventh presenter in 1978 and left after eight years in 1986.
During that time, Simon had many great adventures on the programme. On his parents' farm in Derbyshire, with his dog Goldie, and in countries all over the world.
One of Simon's favorite moments was his live performance singing in the style of his hero, the great rock and roll singer Elvis Presley. Since then Simon's burning ambition has been to make a record and at last his dream has come true his first record is out today here he is with a new version of another elvis classic can't help falling in love Wise men say Only fools rush in
Well, yeah, because he left Blue Peter, which once again, for our listener who's maybe abroad, Blue Peter, very popular British TV magazine format TV show for kids, had a roster of presenters over the years. Ross has been fixated on a couple of them to an almost dangerous degree sometimes. Katie Hill? No, not Katie Hill. No. but simon so yeah so simon groom left as they all do after a while and then like about a year or so later he was like oh simon groom's back on with us today
And he's like, oh, yeah, well, I've decided to do a pop single. And then what followed was the most awkward three minutes you can ever imagine. Whoever convinced him to do it, there's a story behind it I wouldn't mind hearing. But anyway, don't play the whole thing, Ross. And there's a lovely pair of knockers. Yes. And do we remember the guy who became TikTok? Yes. He was the acrobat, wasn't he? Yes. But then they found out he was gay, so they kicked him off. Yes.
The evil ways of Biddy Baxter. Biddy Baxter! Who's the producer behind it all. Right, in 2018, Seven Film Productions released a new adaptation of Lost Hearts. Directed by Max van der Banks. Great name. This version updated the story to the 1940s and later 1953. After the death of Stephen's parents, the young boy is evacuated to the countryside during World War II. Makes sense.
Unusually, this production was filmed in two parts. The main elements were shot in 2005, while the beginning and ending scenes were filmed in 2016. That's weird, Ross. Lewis Newton, who played Stephen in 2005, returned to portray him as a young man, recounting the events to his brighter be ten years later. What? What is this again? It's a modern update of the film someone made, but they...
In order to have a character telling the story of his younger self, they decided to do it with a 10-year gap in the filming. But who made this? I haven't heard of this. Max van der Banks. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah. Next. This is, this is very, that to me sounds very reminiscent of, do you remember like Richard Linklater, the director did that, that film where he just, he would. filmed it over like 15, 20 years. Boyhood. That's like Boyhood, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. With an MRJ's adaptation.
Crazy. There you are. That is a surprise. Richard Linklater, you wanker. Right. Okay. So that's the introduction. That's where we are. Let's get into it.
So the first thing I've written is I forget how well shot these things are. Yeah. Well, this is the one I watched with my family and Beck was saying this is beautifully filmed. It is beautifully shot. And to be fair... they either got really lucky or they were really patient because there's some really misty scenes where you just think, knowing that I've been part of short films and other things, and a lot of the time, you're just like...
The day you turn up. Yeah. Let's just fucking do it because. But there's miles and miles of uninterrupted countryside with the mist rolling in over. It's just incredible. It looks amazing. And it's all done on film. So you need someone who fucking knows what they're doing to catch that. Because you've got one chance, haven't you? And you don't know what it's going to look like until...
maybe 24 hours later to see if it's actually came out. I don't know if Dick Bush did the cinematography for this. Did he? I don't know. It's not, it's not. I just want to, I just want to Google it again. See what comes up. So. I mean, for me, this is... So this is M.R. James' second story, second published story. I don't know if the second one he wrote. And it's quite atypical for him in that it's...
It's quite mean-spirited. It's like the death of children and stuff. But for me, it's his kind of twist on a Dickensian idea of this kind of... which is a bit Great Expectations-y, where you've got a kid inheriting a fortune. So basically, the kid in this is kind of... taken in by his uncle or great uncle or whatever. Nephew, is it? Yeah. And he's his cousin. Yeah, he's a cousin twice removed or something. And he's been taken there across this countryside in a horse-drawn carriage.
And on the way he sees, um, two children waving at him. And as he takes another look, they've then disappeared. Yeah. And this is part of like an ongoing, um, him glimpsing this boy and a girl. My youngest daughter at this point said, this boy is really lucky because he gets to wear a top hat. Nice. Yeah, so it's set in the 1850s. It's got some nice garb in it. It's got this, I think...
Well, I've written here at the start, it's the same flute as bringing the changes that we did a couple of episodes ago. But then later on, I think... that it might be the same flute music as in A Warning to the Curious. Okay. It sounds so similar to me that it might be just the same music reused. A little bit of BBC stock.
Well, they never, yeah, they probably thought no one's going to recognise this from three years ago. We'll just stick another bit of flute music in. And then, so he turns up at the house after seeing these ghostly kiddies in the field. And you're introduced straight away, really, to the main characters who are...
the Cardassian foreheaded man-serpent, who either has got a massive boil on his head or just a really weirdly misshapen forehead who looks like a Cardassian for a moment. I thought he looked like that guy. He was at Getz.
trying to get to be the um attorney general in america so he just basically looks like all the aliens in star trek next generation who just had a weird prosthetic forehead and that's the only way they differed from humanity um you meet mrs boyle or whatever she's called or mrs muffin or something like that who is the kind of
Again, the very Dickensian housekeeper. And then you meet the Peregrine, who is the creepy... nephew who is this old man who's basically jimmy savile isn't he he's just like well the kids cheeks yes um yes climate tree lovely you are you are sure you're 12 boy and all this stuff and you're just like you fucking well the kids the kids were
Right, straight on. Like, don't like him. Let's have a couple of him. He's fucking wrong. Before we get too far, just some early thoughts from me on that one. First of all, is that I thought that the house itself... reminded me of the house in the popular 1980s sitcom, To the Man of Born. And I wondered if it was the same place. I couldn't be bothered to find out, but it gave me very similar vibes. Very similar, James, yes. Long live Peter Bowles.
and penelope keith yes of course the great and and i've also put down that you know stephen as a child accent all the way through he has got absolutely immaculate manners As someone who has to teach, he would be in school, he would be in year seven at school. As someone has to deal with year seven boys an awful lot, what I've put down is I would give this boy achievement points for excellent manners.
If I was teaching. Well, yeah. And do you know what? Helen and I were talking about this the other day and saying Welsh children are very polite, but some English children you meet are very, very rude. Indeed. We're looking up. Oh Another thing I never
People said it was a comedy, but I was like, I don't know why this is funny. I don't understand any of this. Massive audience. Huge. The episode they got married was like 22 million or something. Insane, yeah. Big Peter Bowles. Yeah, Big Peter Bowles. This sounds very similar. Similar to me, to Yes Minister. Yes, it does. But I'm sure they were all, probably all written by the same man, weren't they? Yeah. Just loads of stills of the guy who played the vicar then for no reason. I want my money.
I'm referring to our last episode then. Yeah. He's not just suddenly lonely and wants a bit of bitty. Looks like the only other thing filmed there was episodes of The Far Show, apparently. Oh, wow. That's where Ted and... Yeah, no way! That's amazing. Brilliant. Not Satanic Rites of Dracula. No, that burned down, obviously. Did it? Well, it did in the film, didn't it? Yes. So we've met Creepy Savile and he keeps on checking that the little boy is 12 on his next birthday. On Hallowsween. Yeah.
And that kind of sets alarm bells ringing, doesn't it? And then the Cardassian comes in and says that he's a scholar and he likes writing things down and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just, all I've written is the kid has your number, freak. Yes. This January, only in cinemas. Tell me how it felt to be on stage. Angelina Jolie is Maria Callis. An exaltation. I thought the stage itself would burn. From the director of Jackie and Spencer.
I will sing when I am ready to sing. My life is opera. Maria, exclusively in cinemas January 10th. Stephen goes out to play, doesn't he? And there's sort of like a bit of a, it's not quite, is it a folly? Would we call it a folly? Or a temple? Yeah. Or yeah, a kind of a Greek, a kind of Delphic temple, I think, maybe, I'm guessing.
And then there's quite a good creepy sequence there where he's sort of looking around and he has the feeling that he's being watched and you can hear the sound of children and the way they film it and frame it and the way you just like for one frame. see that the kid is just around the corner from him it's very good and does play on our real fears reminded me lots of the children of green no when yes which i love which he kept hearing the little children playing and then
toady the little boy who was gone to live in the house on his own with his um over christmas he would run into the room hearing the children playing and then they would just disappear and there's a bit where he starts crying he said why won't you play with me and i can remember being really really sad When it was on TV, and that's the only time I've seen it, I was invited to a party, a birthday party, that happened to fall on the night of the last episode.
So I've never seen the last episode of the children of green. No, it's really lovely. And it's all on YouTube. Was it 1986 or something like that? And still to this day, I'm like, oh, I'm annoyed that I went to that bloody party. Carl Payne, if he's listening, in Thomas Jolliffe Jr. in infant school in Stratford-upon-Avon.
Yeah, you know, 1986. nearly 40 years ago and i still don't know what fucking happened it's all on youtube and i watched it with my kids a couple of christmas ago and i was literally shuddering with tears all the way through it because it was so nostalgic and it's such a such a sad story
I did that the other night, all the way through the last episode of Ludwig. Right. I don't know why. Have either of you watched Ludwig? No. Oh my God, you'll both love it. I think you'll think it's amazing. Is this with David Mitchell in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very Doctor Who. It's very Jonathan Creek. It's really, really good. I think it's tremendously better than any modern Doctor Who release. Okay. Everyone puts in a stellar performance. It doesn't...
do a thing wrong across the six-episode run, and it's really, really well put together. And you will see a poster of... Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor in one of the episodes. Whoa. Definitely worth a watch then. Yeah, yeah. You'll love it, Cleaves. And James, I think you'll really like it as well. Okay. I'll tell you what, David Mitchell, I think I was surprised I liked.
Upstart Crow. I'd watch about five or six episodes. It's just Blackadder, isn't it? Yes. As an old Stratfordian, I do love anything to do with Stratford and Shakespeare.
But I really thought I wouldn't like it, and I just somehow thought I'd give it a go, and then I watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like the daughter's character. I think she's brilliant. And the actress that plays the daughter, I think, is really good and should be in more things. Should be in Doctor Who. She should be the companion.
not just some busty blonde girl who can't act. Get someone in who can act, Russell, if you're listening. Well, I quite like the busty blonde girls who can't act. Of course. For fuck's sake. Cut that out. Grow up. So yeah, so where are we up to? Because I struggled with notes for this because I know the story so well. I was just like...
Okay. Well, then after that, we kind of get the feeling that the creepy cousin or, you know, the villain of the piece is involved in, if not necromancy, is involved in... black magic to some degree and i've written down a he mentioned simon magus Yeah. Which is interesting. Yes. And that's in the original story, James. Yeah. The kids thought they said Simon Mayo. Well, it is biblical because the whole point is that Simon, you know, Simon Majors is said to have clashed with St. Peter.
Oh, okay. So, you know, and Simon Mayo loves Jesus. Yeah. You know, we're almost there. Is he a Christian? Yeah, he's massive for his own. Oh, no way. Never knew that. Rizzo? Where's that just come from? What about Mark Kermow? Does he want? Oh, no, he must be a Satanist, I reckon. Yeah, he's a wrong one. Well, he does live locally, doesn't he? He lives sort of Southampton. I've seen him on the train a few times. Ross has seen him on the train.
A friend of mine called Gavin who now lives in Berlin and has lived in Germany for many, many years used to say that he used to commute into London for work. and said that Kermode was one of those people that would put a bag on the seat next to him to stop people sitting next to him. And he said he had to say to Mark Kermode, please, can you move your bag so I can sit down, please?
and Mark Kermode was grumpy about it. He's got a big head. That's always coloured. So I'm sorry, Mark Kermode, if you're listening to this. Big head for his body. Yeah, big head for his body. But I totally hate him, and he's a great broadcaster. Yes. I used to absolutely love when they were on 5 Live. Radio 5, yeah. And it's never been the same since, I don't think. Bring them back if you're listening 5 Live. We don't want John and Ellis.
We want Simon and Mark. Yes. Yes. So we then learn as well that Stephen, the young boy, he learns that there were, that, you know, there had been children. that there was a young girl and amazingly we're told that she was had away by the gypsies yes and i made a note of that to say that he as recently as the 1980s when we were kids that suddenly sort of
chimed a memory for me of my mum kind of saying that that would happen. And that, you know, that was a real danger that you could somehow be stolen away by gypsies and turned into one of their children. But when you said Hathaway, it made me think of my dad's favourites. night ever in a pub when someone was doing Hadaway's What Is Love on the karaoke. What is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more. There we go.
Sorry. And then we also told that there was a foreign lad. Giovanni. Giovanni. Italian just wandering along the river playing his hurdy-gurdy yes and he had been taken but they don't kind of tell you at the time what had happened to him do they
he just disappears as well. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. And, and the old man is very good about it and drags the lake and he does this and he does that. Yeah. But just, he just picks up kids, brings them back to the house and just says to his servants, feed them up. Feed them up. Look after them for me. They're going to have nice strong hearts and everything by the time they're 12 years old. And then all of them, they just suddenly up and gone. Stolen by gypsies or just run off.
Yes. And then I've just written down the line. Is that his hurdy gurdy? I just thought was dying for someone to sample it. Yeah. The way he says it. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Weirdly enough. his hurdy-gurdy has remained in the house. But that was a very odd choice of instruments. Yeah. It's quite big to walk along and be playing, isn't it? Or even the violin.
The fiddle. This is the bit where Ross puts in the hurdy-gurdy music now. Of course it is, yeah. And I say how much I love the use of the Donovan song. Hurdy Gurdy Man in another one of my favourite films. He's David Fincher's Zodiac. Oh, it's the best! Hurdy Gurdy. It's on an advert as well recently, isn't it? So you figure it's the roly-polies who would often be on the Royal Variety performance at this point.
So what did they do? They were just old fat women. Yes, but they were supposed to be like a dance troupe, weren't they? They were elderly, large ladies. No, they were older. They probably weren't even that fat compared to fat people now. No! They're probably thinner than you. Yeah, move on. But what was their act? Take all this shit out. No, no, no. You'd go, ha-ha, look. They danced.
They were a dance troupe. Behind Les Dawson. Right. Yeah. And Les Dawson would look mildly perplexed and annoyed by them. I have written at this point that... The guy, the older guy, Peregrine, reminds me of the Jumpers for Goalposts character from The Fast Show. Ron Manager. Yeah, Ron Manager. He's like, you know, Jumpers for Goalposts, you know, back in the day, you know, lovely young boy, very...
Slender legs, good running, good beating heart. Chop it out, burn it in a cauldron, mash up the ashes. Creepy twat, isn't it? But it becomes apparent that I think Peregrine knows that the other two children are there as ghosts, and he's kind of scorning them, but they are going to get their revenge at some point. Yeah, because the... I was going to say Ferengi. The Kardashian butler tells the boy off for gouging marks into the wall of the house, the wall of his bedroom.
Yeah. But we then later see the ghosts of the children have long fingernails. Very long fingernails. That's in the story as well. But one thing I was going to say, why is it when ghosts of people who have been murdered... who are coming back to warn the people who have potentially been murdered, are always really ambiguous about their messaging. Well, this is what I was going to say here, Cleves. Do they want him to join them?
Or are they trying to warn him? This is what's ambiguous in the story, and I think that's what's ambiguous in this episode, is that do they actually want him to join them? Are they kind of... saying you should come and join us as ghosts rather than we're trying to warn you about this. I thought they were trying to warn him. I don't know. They whisper a word over and over to him. I thought they were saying, hide.
Are they saying hi? Because you do see the bit where, after he's fallen out of the tree, where he's kind of looking for them, they're in a window and he's with his cousin. or nephew, or whatever the hell he is. And he's about to tell... the cousin about the ghosts and he, and he sees them in a window, like doing, putting their finger across their mouths as if not to say anything. Yeah. Yeah. But then later on we have the sequence where with the hurdy-gurdy that's in his bedroom at that point.
He is kind of hypnotized and drawn to the bathroom where he meets them both. And then he kind of screams when he has a realization of what's happening. But didn't he kill the boy in the bath? I think I've read the original story. Wasn't one of them killed in the bath previously? Is that why he was taken into that room? I can't remember. I don't know. It might be the girl. It's the girl that he sees in the bath in the story.
Not stood up. But I have never been able to decide with the story and this whether they're warning him or saying, come and join us. Come and play with us. Yeah. Come and play with us with our long fingernails. We've got hurdy-gurdies. We're blue. Yeah. So kids were going, are they zombies? Are they zombies or are they ghosts? Because they couldn't work out with that. They do look quite strange. I mean...
When I first saw it, I was like, oh God, they're very blue. But the more it goes on, they become very otherworldly and very creepy. Yeah, well, the kids are scared of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. part of the only point was is that when they do sort of start to begin to enact their revenge during like the last 10 minutes
There's a point where they're just really broadly smiling and it wasn't a creepy smile. They just look quite happy. Yeah. And I thought, well, that sort of undercut the horror of this. Yes. A little bit. Yes. Yes. And then we have a sequence where. So in the bathroom, that's where it's revealed to him that their hearts have been taken because they've got these holes in their chest. Two really good makeup effects. For 1970, what is this, Cleve? 73?
Yeah, I think so. The same year there's a green death in Doctor Who. I think this is a really good makeup effect. It's 50 odd years ago now. 73, yeah. Yeah, I was really impressed by that. And then basically we go to another kind of below stairs conversation, which is very Dickensian again. But the Jimmy Savile of the house has asked for a bottle of port.
port to be taken up. And I've got a little story about port, which I'm going to tell you both in a minute, which I think you'll both enjoy. But he's told the boy... that you need to come down at midnight on your birthday when I can give you your secret horoscope, basically telling your future. And the boy's quite excited about this and goes down. But then he hears that the two servants are talking about voices in the cellar, which could be talking rats, but are actually the ghosts.
talking to the Cardassian manservant while he's gone down there to get the... I wouldn't go in that cellar. It looks creepy as fuck. He basically goes down there to get a bottle of port and he hears people talking to him. And it's like, no, thank you. So basically, my port story is that once upon a time, a gentleman that you both know was in a car with me in a metro driving to West Wales for New Year's Eve.
Just like tonight. We're in New Year's Eve tonight. That gentleman was called Paul Skirm. Oh, the great man. In that journey. He drunk a whole bottle of port because I didn't know where I was going. And a large bit of crunchy cheddar cheese. By the time we got to the New Year's Eve celebration that we were going to with Michael, Paul and his girlfriend at the time, Jenny, he was absolutely on another planet. And he was saying...
The red-faced ghoul. The horseless rider. The man in the street. Don't stop for him. He did the whole journey as Richard Burton. interpreting Welsh folkloric ghosts in this metro that I bought for £300, which didn't have MOT. And I was just thinking, my God, please let us get, let this car get us where we're going. Do you remember that we had a party at Simon's house once and he was sitting on the roof of the garage in a deck chair?
And then the roof gave way and he fell through and we didn't have the, we couldn't access, we couldn't get the doors open. So people had to pull him out. Did he break his legs? No, that was Kai Jones. All right. Yeah. I think Paul hurts himself. But Kai Jones broke his ankle falling through the roof. They put, this was at like three o'clock in the morning, they put summer furniture on an asbestos roof.
and fell through an asbestos roof into a garage, eight feet onto a concrete floor. Yeah. And he also grappled with me live on stage. And as part of a skit, which was fantastic, which I still wish we did have the footage of it somewhere. We got the video, isn't we, John? Yeah, somewhere, yeah. I'm playing a Deep South...
Preacher. Fire and Brimstone Preacher. And... paul as as satan himself comes onto the stage to challenge me and we basically we wrestle each other it was wonderful i think this is this is the launch to the um bbc of the city And I think if Simon Stone was listening, the Loves played this gig, didn't they, Cleves? They might have done. I think the Loves are one of these. So basically, what we're talking about here is...
port mixed with ashes to bring eternal life. After spending that journey with Paul Skirm, I can believe it, to be honest. Another time that he bought something called... Danzy Jones, which is a Welsh whiskey. He came round to mine and Simon's house dressed as Freddie Mercury in a red leather jacket. proceeded to do press-ups in our street for about two hours. Well, 24 years ago. Oh, I forgot to talk about Target 2006. We'll do that at the end. That can be a Patreon special. Okay. So...
essentially he is then, um, he's, he's drugging the boys, put some kind of gritty powder into, uh, into some port and he's pouring it down the boys. I said, do you, I don't think anyone could force me to drink anything. I reckon I, but I suppose I'm not a 12 year old boy. I was going to say Cleaver, you are, you know, you're a big thick set man. Let's, let's, you know, you're not, you're not a little.
asparagus kind of child, are you? No. So he is then drugged and falls asleep. But then the two ghosts come into the room. Yes. with their long fingernails. Hurdy-gurdy. And there's a hurdy-gurdy as well. And they're basically, they're singing and dancing around, aren't they? Yep. Yes. And I've just put my coat, when he's playing the hurdy-gurdy, I've just put do wonderful.
That's the vibe, isn't it? Kind of an acoustic vibe. He's got hair slightly like Noel Gallagher. I can't remember. How did he die? Well, he's stabbed with the knife. He's stabbed by the ghost, yes. He's going to sacrifice the boy that looks like a young Michael York. He's going to stab him, but actually he is stabbed then by then. by the two blue Smurf ghost children by the fire. And then we've got a postscript, which is by a Victorian grave, isn't it? Yeah.
I'd be rambling. It'd be amazing. I would love that if at my funeral, the Vicar is just talking about. the unmentionable things which were like oh yeah let's not speculate about how he dies yeah but let's just say they weren't Christian the things he was doing I would love that absolutely love that whichever one of us goes first yeah I will remember that
that Peregrine Avenue was a recluse and a scholar is well known in this locality. What precisely was the nature of his research, I think it better for God-fearing mortals not to inquire. Suffice to say that though the manner of his death is doubtful whether he was struck down by his own hand or by forces which in another age might well be attributed to the devil, to Satan himself.
Suffice that we should pray that his soul may rest eternally within the sight and love of God. His will be done. I've already got the music sorted out for my funeral. Don't worry about that. It's saved on a note on Hell's phone. Oh, okay. And then we see the two children dancing off into the countryside. Yeah, the end. Lovely, the end. Yeah. And they go and have ghost children, maybe.
Maybe. When they're old enough. Yeah. Right. What did we think of that one? What scores are we going to get of it? I... Oh. For me, a three, because I don't like it as much as the ash tree, but I do still really love all of it. So I'm obviously going to go back now, thanks to what we've got in the zine, and say...
Well, I like it more than this I've given three, and I like it more than this I've given three. So it's quite hard at this point to remember. We should have done 10 out of 10. We can't change it now. Within context. It's probably one of the best things we've watched. But I don't love it as much as I love A Warning to the Curious and The Ash Tree, etc. But I do still really like it. And it is quite, like I say, it's quite atypical for M.R. James because it doesn't have that kind of...
Well, the protagonist being a child is different for starters, doesn't it? Yeah, it's mad. It's quite a mad story. When you think of when it was written, it's like... child murder yeah um it could be it could be like a life a drama on a spooky if they weren't ripping his heart out yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's a very yeah it's not when you look at other Victorian fiction of that time. It's incredibly gory, really, for what it is. And I think this is quite gory as well for, you know...
Christmas Eve night, 1973. You've stayed up to watch this with a sherry with your grandmother. And then you see, like, two children with their hearts ripped out. Christmas Day, this one. Christmas Day. Day, yeah. Whoa! Christmas Day. So what scores have you fellas got on the doors? Ross, what did you get? It's a three for me. I don't like it as much as the last one, mainly because there's too much hurdy-gurdy in it for me.
Oh, I love the hurdy-gurdy. I would have more. And the makeup's not good enough, I don't think. What? It's going to be scary. Get out of town. But apart from that, you're pretty good. James? And for me, 2.5. Oh, James, come on. Sorry, John. Sorry, man. I didn't enjoy it as much as the Ashtray. I thought the Ashtray was the better one by far. I know that this, I'd seen bits of this before from Mark Gatiss' superlative history of horror TV series. Yes. But yeah, I just found it a bit...
Not spooky enough, if you know what I mean. It didn't kind of deliver. Interesting, but just okay for me. Sorry. This is meant to be hurdy-gurdy music, you know. That's shit, isn't it? We'll edit that out. John, what's this? 2015? So basically, with you saying it was 2025, I was thinking of Target 2006, which is a Transformers comic story.
from 1986, which was 20 years in the future. And now we're nearly 20 years past that. Yeah. And I'm just, my mind is blown by all of this time passing. Yep. And it's just like, wow. When it's 1986, you think Target 2006. And obviously in that, they're flying around in jet cars and stuff. And the Autobots have got a city on Earth and blah, blah, blah.
And it's like, now we're going into 2025 with Trump being president of the earth. And just all the shit going on. And you just think, why don't people learn? We've gone backwards. It's like, why are people so stupid? Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat. Yeah, 60 million Americans who should be locked up.
for voting for this imbecile, this stupid man who was like, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats, they're eating the pets. It's like, what the fuck are you on, you fucking imbeciles? Yes, I agree. This is why we're not on Twitter anymore. So if you want to come and find us on Blue Sky. Are we not on there at all? I'm on it. I'm not doing anything on it anymore. Oh, you're not doing anything.
And next time, our first... Cleaver, what have we... Cleaver, happy New Year to you. What's happening next time? Next time, we got The Gordon. So this is the story of TV's Gordon K. When he got hit on the head. Yeah, by a tree. I mean, that's the end. So we have the meteoric rise with Hello, Hello. Yep. as Renée. Oh, you stupid... Renée. Oh, you stupid woman. Did I tell you what? I went to the Comic-Con in Bournemouth and there was...
Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy and Miranda Sirtis all sitting together. Marina Sirtis. And Marina Sirtis from Next Generation all having a nice chat and also sitting next to him as a guy who played Hair Flick. But he was dressed in his hair flick outfit. He was dressed as an SS. Brilliant. Amazing. Amazing. The woman who played Helga... opened my ex-girlfriend, Pell Latox, school fate one year in Warwick School. In Nazi outfit. And we all know that her nephew is Christopher Nolan.
Yes. Oh, give over. I think John was just as shocked the other two times. I didn't remember that. I did not remember that. It's because it's when she turns up in Dunkirk and it's like. As Helga. As Helga. The sheep? Yes! I think she's one of the nurses or something. No, no, she's one of the people on the small boats. Because Kenneth Branagh goes, where have you come from? And they go like, we have come from. I'm going to have to watch this again.
Yeah. Kenneth Branagh doing his best Olivier impression. Yes. And von Smallhausen is on the boat with her. His little tank. Oh no, that's Gruber. The Grouper. Von Smallhausen is the smaller Gestapo person. So what are we doing next episode? The Gorgon. The Hammer film, The Gorgon. Yes. So it's a great film.
I watched it in the end of the night. This means I'm going to have to watch it all again. Or just try and remember it. It's the worst age makeup of any film I've ever seen on Big Christopher Lee. Okay. Worse than some of the original Star Trek age makeup. That's some really bad stuff in there. I rewound it to show Helen. She really, really burst out laughing when Christopher Lee comes in with its ridiculous full rust moustache. And his wig looks like it's on back to front.
Happy New Year to you all, wherever you may be. And thank you for listening to not only this episode, but for our episodes throughout 2024. We're looking forward to bringing you lots more. pointless drivel or whatever it is people want to call it. And plenty of that as we stumble into 2020. I think this year has been a brilliant year.
If someone said at the end of that, I would have gone to the 90th anniversary of Hammer. I just thought you meant for Planet Earth. I was like, wait for the podcast. For you, yes, please. No, but for the podcast, we got invited to Hammer's 90th anniversary. We did our zine and that sold out. Uh-huh. really quickly we managed to do like an episode every month this year which is like it's amazing and for me personally this year has been like smashing my head through concrete every day but
But on the positive side... But you got to hang out with us at least 12 times. Exactly. I didn't make it to Oldbourne, which is a bit frustrating. I know, I know. But we'll try and do something like that again, won't we? Yes. This 2025 year, we'll do something. Yes, please. Yeah. Somewhere. But until then, we're looking forward to it. We're still here until the world ends. Yes.
Yeah. See you then. Until they prop us up with a cattle prod. Yeah. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year. Thank you. God bless you all and love, light and peace. Happy day. You have been listening to... The General Witch Finders. Support the show and continue the conversation at patreon.com forward slash general witch finders. Subscribe and spread the word at GeminiWitchFinders.com Farewell, and don't have nightmares. You.
This January, only in cinemas. Tell me how it felt to be on stage. Angelina Jolie is Maria Callis. An exaltation. I thought the stage itself would burn. From the director of Jackie and Spencer. Critics agree. Maria is absolute perfection. I will sing when I am ready to sing. My life is opera. Maria, exclusively in cinemas January 10th. Next time you'll have a bit of that and let, but there may be, maybe, something else in between now and then.
Which is what? Well, that's going to be what we just talked about off air. Oh, yeah. But also, do we think, as part of that, we might want to do Mark Gatiss's... um, episode, which is on, um, tonight. No, it was on the 23rd. That was on, that was on the day before the one we did. The one we did a week ago is on the day. Oh, right.
So maybe, do you think? Yeah, we do that. We do it at the same time. Okay. All right. Okay. So that might come out before this one, so there's no point in me saying anything, is there? No. All right. So we might review Man-Sized in Marble, yes? Yes. Hang on. Keep rolling, Cleaves. No, no, no. This is just you saying original Trek and bad makeup acting.
Have you seen this makeup job they've done on the actor Sam Witwer? Ross, have you seen this? Right, I'm screenshotting it and I'm sending it to the group chat right now. It's fucking eerie. I haven't watched it because I don't understand it, James. Me neither. It's just a short, right? Okay, you ready, Ross? Has it come through? So it's him. It's Kirk after the end of Star Trek Generations, isn't it, supposedly? Right, look.
Ross, that's not William Shatner. What? That's not William Shatner. What are they going to do with it? It's already online, isn't it? I'm not sure, but they've got Shatner's voice and they've got the actor Sam Witwer who does, he does lots of stuff. I've met him. He does lots of stuff. He does like lots of the Star Wars animated voices and things like that.
That's fantastic, isn't it? Isn't it eerie? And the young version. Yes, I haven't watched it because I don't quite know how to deal with it. It's strange, isn't it? It's a strange new world. We've come to a point in technology where stuff that we used to watch, like when Harry Enfield did stuff and he put himself in with the Beatles. Yes. Now you really can't tell.
Yeah. In some way. And I don't know how I feel about that. Because even now, like Peter Cushing on Rogue One now, like, they're far past that now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is mad. In the episode of Cobra Kai, I watched it the other night. Yeah. Ralph Macchio fights Mr Miyagi in a dream sequence I watched something today just after i'd woken up on my phone and it was um
Someone with AI has put Arnie's face onto Michael Jackson in the thriller video. And that is fucking insane because you see his teeth and everything. And I was watching it just like, I just have to have woken up. Very, very, very strange to see Arnie being like Wacko Jacko in the cinema and stuff. Wow.
But the only thing that's strange is his face is too far forward. So it just looks like the V kind of lizards. Yeah. Yeah. I refuse to play Michael Jackson anymore. Oh yeah. Well, he's a pedophile. Yeah, exactly. But. That song when it goes, I always feel like somebody's watching me. Do you reckon I can get rid of that one? You can, because that's not Michael Jackson. Is it not?
oh it's michael jackson provided providing the backing vocals yeah yes i i think you'll find that that's berry gaudy's son right no because that yeah and that's how because they were friends because of course berry gaudy who ran motown They were friends from when Michael Jackson was a kid. That is, somebody's watching me. I always feel like somebody's watching me. Rockwell. No privacy. Rockwell.
Rockwell? Sam Rockwell. Sam Rockwell. Yeah, he's Rockwell Gordy. I'm sending it to the group chat right now. There you go, there it is. Is it Rockwell where the UFOs were? That's Roswell. Roswell.
Thank you. Do you want to sing my way? No, thank you. No, no, no. What do you find so special about Elvis Presley's songs? Elvis Presley, fantastic voice, great stage presence, and I think his early songs particularly had a real edge and a rawness about them, which perhaps some of his later songs didn't.
Because it spans a generation, Elvis Presley, and still popular today. You left Blue Peter in 1986. What do you do now? At the moment, I work for BBC Radio Bedfordshire, which is perhaps one of the best local radio stations. And I do a morning show, which goes out from 10 till 12, Monday to Friday. And I enjoy it enormously. Now, a lot of people will be thinking and wanting to know, how's Goldie?
Goldie's okay. She's fine. I'm still living in Derbyshire on my parents' farm. Having said that, she's an old lady now. She's lost a bit of weight, but she's 14 and still going strong. You did loads of things on Blue Peter. Out of all the things you did, which do you think were your favourite moment? I suppose looking back, the real highlights...
were bowling against Geoff Boycott and interviewing Prince Charles just after the Mary Rose Tudor ship had been raised. That was a real privilege. Thanks, Simon. Good luck with the record. Thank you very much. Well, if you haven't seen Simon on Blue Peter before, then you've never seen some of the all-time classic Blue Peter moments.
One of the very best is the day he met Tippi Hedren and Noel Marshall. They lived on a Californian ranch which they shared with some very unusual pets who starred with them in a feature... No. Oh, well