It's a Kiki with Johnny Nick G gonna spill all that tea in all my LGBTS. You're in love. Cause Johnny McGovern is gay as fun. Hello everyone, and welcome to gay as fuck. The summer is sizzling, but the Dick Olympics are over. Oh my gosh. Every four years it's such a celebration of smushed cock and balls from spandex, and this year they were bouncier and wigglier than ever.
Oh my gosh. I mean, there should have at the end of the Olympics, at the closing ceremonies, what I wanted to see was a was a bulge and balls tribute to the disqualified pole vaulters cock and balls created and run by Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Only they could do justice to those joie de vivre, to their verve that that French Dick and
balls gave to the world. Now, Speaking of smushed cock and balls, there was one last cock show at the Olympics closing ceremony and that was America's favorite rugged lesbian, Tom Cruise. She's watch Tom Cruise had a meeting with the Olympic people and he said, hey there, I got an idea. I'm going to go to the highest. Peak. On the stadium and I'm about to jump off. OK, And then I'm going to come down. Not too fast. OK, guys, pull me up on the pulley and rub it a Roo.
I'll fall down. Then I'll go through the crowd. High 5, high 5, high five. Because that's what I do. I'm mad at the people. I'm Tom Cruise. I'm a rugged lesbian with very ashy golden highlights. Oh, Then what will I do? I'll grab the flag from the French mayor and say, hey, get out of here, French mayor. I'm taking this back to Los Angeles, Hollywood, CA, my home. I haven't seen my daughter Surrey in 15 years, but who cares? I've got Olympic flags to move.
And then I'll jump on a motorcycle, guys, just like in Top Gun. Remember that And then I'll zippity zoo out. Now go on a cargo plane. No, I don't take first class. I'm rugged. I'm a rugged lesbianic woman. And I take cargo plane and I'm going to jump down and where will I land? A Runyon Canyon nearby in the Hollywood Hills. And I'm going to deface the Hollywood sign with rings, Olympic rings. And you know what, when that came out, honey, they should have activated the promotion.
Because I looked at the Hollywood sign that day and you know what? There were no Olympic rings. There were no Olympic rings. I mean, now that would have been a product promotion activation had we actually seen the damn rings. And, and I would have liked to have seen Tom Cruise traipsing about. If he does all his own stunts, why didn't he do his own
stunting here in Hollywood? And Speaking of stunting, why don't you pull a stunt and go on over to the Patreon, my patreonpatreon.com/gift of all time, and enjoy some of the hundreds of podcasts that I have up there exclusive to the archive. And you know when you join, you'll have access to so many podcasts, but they may be, you know, some people. You might find it intimidating to have years worth of podcasts to get through.
But if you join the Patreon, one of the tabs is called Collections, and I have curated a bunch of categories and lists of some of my favorite podcasts of all the ones with Brittany, all the ones with Julie and Brandy, all the ones with Gay Pimp and Reunions, Any category you can think. The fashion ones, the watch along stuff with Erica. If whatever you like, honey, it is there.
So I think you should just be like Tom Cruise and jump off the ledge into my Patreon. You'll land on one tippy toe just like Tom Cruise, and you'll high five your way to the lovely people who are part of the community over there. And it's, you know, my favorite place and that you'll always get fresh content from me over there.
Now for today's show, we have a very special episode because my guest is one of my favorite podcasters and who I think is one of the funniest people on the Internet. Mr. Pete Zaius of Total Trash Live is my guest today. We're talking tabloids, gossip stars and so much more. So, baby, let's just get into it. Get into it. Into it, honey. Honey. Honey Pete Zias is here in my living room. I'm so thrilled. I'm so thrilled to be here and I I love holding the microphone like this.
Like I feel like I want to sing a song. It's Pete Zias in concert. Sweetie, I've. I've called you here for a command performance. Much like they called The Golden Girls to the palace. Oh, yeah. You remember that back in the day when they did the royal command performance? This is my royal command performance. Thank you for having me. One of podcasting's brightest stars. Thank you so much.
Now if you do not no everyone, Pete Zeus host what is perhaps my favorite podcast, Total Trash Live, which was previously Cha Cha Heels. Yes, she morphed. You morphed to transform. Is that because you were you dating your Co host and then you guys broke up? Well, we did date a long time ago, but then we became friends. OK. And then you did the podcast. And we, I think we did the podcast while we were dating and then we stayed friends. OK.
And then then she got a boyfriend and the boyfriend didn't like me and and so he just didn't want to hang out with me anymore. And I'm like well why am I going to? It just got sad and depressing. So I was like, I just need to do this by myself now, which I didn't really want to, but what are you gonna do? You gotta roll with the punches. I get it. Like obviously this show I now Pete, I rarely have a guest star, but you are truly one of my faves. Well. Thank you for having that.
I mean, I could imagine you're when you're doing the chacha heels with your ex and his boyfriend's, like, why are you going over to his house? It was in a record. And it was in, it was a very new relationship for his, for him and his boyfriend. So it like right away, like it's like it's switched over like, 'cause we would, we would record in my cloth. Yes, and that is even and more suspicious. You're going over there into the. Closet again with that bleach blonde slut. Thank you.
Well, I've I discovered Chacha heels a little late in the game, honey, but I went back and one of the fit my favorite things that you used to do on Chacha heels is the prank call. Yeah. Pete, you now you were a prank caller from childhood. Oh yeah, I loved it. I love prank calling people. I, I did like, I remember like one time I called the University of Pittsburgh and they were having a Legionnaires disease, like like outbreak. And so I called and acted like I was from like a local
television. And then I was talking to some guy and, and he and he was like, well, you know, me and my, my roommate were just like, you know, putting while taking showers with bottled water. And I and I said, and do you stick the bottled water up each other's ass? And they're like, what? And I was just hanging up on them. Oh my. Well, none of my favorite ones is I called a teacher and I acted like I was the mother of another student.
And then I called the mother of the student and acted like I was the teacher. And these two people thought they had a complete conversation with each other. Diabolical sweetie. And well, you know, I was. I lived in a small town. I was bored. Right, you like little everybody Better watch out for a bored young faggot, honey, because we will start snipping the strings and then pulling. For sure. I mean, I was I, I would call myself the pranker and I would
talk like this. My mother would drive me to did. You finish phone calls by saying you've been pranked. I was like pranker. They're like, who is this? I'd be like that pranker and my mom would drive me to pay phones because your. Mom was in cahoots with your prank calls. Kind of but like I love how I was like, can you drive me to the phone booth? And she never really like questioned me.
I was like, now I look back at it, I'm like, why are you driving your like 12 year old son to a payphone? I mean it quite. It turns out to be quite innocent. It's not like you were going to call 976 numbers like mom. Wait a second, you were prank calling in the wild? 'Cause I had to I wanted to do the the pay phone because I was worried about caller ID or *69. God forbid. And at that time of it, *69 was a hot new technology. A hot new technology.
And then I I used to prank a neighbor of mine. I could tell that they put on on the side of the house, they had some sort of mechanism and I was like, oh, that's some sort of like caller ID. So I unscrewed it and unplugged. She was unhinged. Unhinged child. Oh, you love tabloids like I did? I've always loved tabloids, me and my mother always. I have like a huge collection of tabloids.
Right, you have a giant stash. I thought I had, you know, like since high, since junior high, elementary school, I've been reading them. Then I went to college and then moved to New York. I went to college and lived in New York and it was all like at them every week and when I moved to LA my parents helped me move and I just assumed they all got thrown away. Well 2 summers ago I went to our storage unit and I was looking for like something else.
I was looking for a Princess Diana New York Post when they said she died. Of course. I mean who? Where is my Princess Diana? New York. Post That's what I was saying when I was rummaging. I found all these like enquirer's globes and stars from the past like 30-40 years. Wow. And I was like, Oh my God, I mean. You could just do a full podcast just on those. I know, I mean I literally could like read every issue for the rest of my life. I mean, it's pretty incredible, Pete.
I had the only one that I really saved a long time was Golden Girls feuding. It was like a classic one. I remember that the secrets. Of The Golden Girls, feuds, Catfights. I think I have that somewhere of. Course, you definitely do. We also have AI also have a huge collection of People magazines and entertainment weeklies. Wow. But I haven't even like dug into that yet. I mean, that's even deeper. Those articles have a lot more words. Oh yeah.
And they're like, you know, they're trying to be more serious, but then, you know, I love the tablets because they're, they're just written so stupid and they're sweetest sometimes. So mean and they write out now I asked so everybody knows total trash live. Pete reads all the tabloids. You can watch you do it live on Instagram. Your sound effects. I'm in love with your when you hold up. Your your. Mags my glass, I mean, and you are just, you have the most faggoty voice and it just just
you know what? It's very pleasing to my ears, the sound of homosexuality. I had a chorus teacher that told me I had an effeminate voice and she was so mean to me. So I put Hairspray in her coffee and I said, now you have a sticky voice, Honey, is that diabolical child? I mean really, I would highly recommend everyone to listen to Total Trash Live and in honor of the trash of Total Trash Live I. Asked. Pete to bring over some of his
tabloids of the past, sweetie. I mean, and just like just off the top, it's a Star magazine from Honey. July 22nd, 1996. OK. Yeah, I have one right here in my hands from November 27th, 1990. Nancy Reagan was a sex hungry starlet and they love to stars in their cars. But then also New Kids hot romance with a rocker Tiffany killing group and it's it's the homosexual. Job. It's Jonathan Knight, right? Oh my God, I J owed a lot to the new kids on the block. What? $6 now.
Exactly, you can't even collect these for fun anymore because they're they're not a goof when it's $6. And I 'cause people were like, why don't you just get a subscription to? I'm like, it's like $300.00. And I'm like, I don't buy them every week. I try to buy them every other week. Yeah, because spender was is too much. I now only get my tabloids through Apple News. Yeah, I like to. I just like to. I like. They're not the same to. Hold on to them. OK?
In my Here we go. Independence Day. Will Smith to marry nutty professor. Jada Wow, that was crazy. Yeah. Youthful, youthful stars. And how will their marriage turn out, do you think? It's going to be great. They're going to be so happy. Oh my God, it's like you could go back in time and be like we know the truth. I have one here that says jealous Sybil attack sexy Co star. Sybil Shepherd and Christine Baranski What? Why would Sybil attack her Co star? She was getting too many laughs.
She says she's fur flies. A sexy Christine Baranski career takes off, Yeah. That's what it is. Christine Baranski was too funny on that show and she had the old Marla Gibbs problem with Jackie on. Yes. Right, Jim Carrey's ex is laughing all the way to the bank with secret $6.5 million deal. Which X is that? Is that the the the redhead? I think this is like looking like it's the maybe the father
of his child. Jim Carrey's ex-wife has walked away with a multi $1,000,000 settlement after winning her bitter struggle to get a huge chunk of the comics cash. You know what? The tabloids always had great alliteration too. Yeah, they do. It's. Like muggy mania as Melania hits Macy's. I know this is Jay Leno and Kathy Lee and Bitter feud. Furious Frank Gifford ripped into Jay Leno for telling jokes that ridiculed his wife Kathy Lee's recent troubles over sweatshop labor.
Labor. Don't you make a mockery, my wife. Oh my God. Kathie Lee was a mainstream star with that Kmart collection. Oh, I know. I mean, it was. AJ Lo type. She really was. She was she. She created the blueprint for Jlo. She really had this, this Carnival Cruise Line. She. Has the cruise she had the albums she and she did it for Jesus. She did it. For Jesus beat Oh my God. I I saw recently that something that she just she fell down in her house, but a miracle saved
her. Kathie Lee. Yeah, Miracle saved her. What's the miracle? I don't know. I don't know. She wasn't injured too bad. You know what? For all the time she spent praising the Lord. Sweatshop work aside, shouldn't she? Doesn't she deserve a miracle? At this point? She really dies. I hope a little pillow fell right under her head. She's been looking for love in Nashville, OH. God, it's. All in Nashville. Right, because Kathie Lee is
single. Kathie Lee, she become one of the Real Housewives. The real old real. How old is Kathie Lee? She's got to be pushing 80. I think she's in her 70s. Kathie Lee is that clue shortage? Madonna. Wow, so Madonna is 65? I think they might be the same age. Oh wow. OK. She looks older though. And she feels older. She feels older. Because I'm 47 and she she feels like she'd be much older.
Yeah, maybe she's has the same birthday, but not the same year as Madonna. But maybe she's just she was a young * and we didn't even know it because everybody looked 40 back. Then everyone looked 40, everyone had those hairdos that just made them look 40. Yeah, the styling was 40 every like, of of course we know The Golden Girls. They were all supposed to be 50 and we now think of them as, what, 70? Yeah. Have you watched them? Wow, he really is Superman. All this reads so bad.
Christopher Reeve gets his first acting job and competes in yacht race. Oh my God. Pete, My. Mom, Lucy was a tyrant who drove me out of the house. Doctor Lucy or knows his shocking interview. Not Lucy. Baby Lucy second to Golden Girls. Lucille Ball. Tabloids were my number one. You know what I was obsessed with? Pete Lucille Balls failed 19866. Life with Lucy with. Lucy, the articles, the drama, the terribleness of it. I was obsessed with it. You couldn't see it as a child.
I went to the Museum of Television and Radio in New York City and went up to the counter and said, where can I find the episodes of Life with Lucy? Like that's what I was going to watch. Like Lucille Ball's failed 6 sitcom. It was really sad too. I mean, it was like they were just making her do all these crazy hijinks and she's so old. But like and then I heard like if the when the show got canceled, she was so depressed and they had like some wrap party like in an empty house.
And there's footage of it. And she's wandering around. And watch the footage on YouTube of the wrap party. Oh, I have to. It's like at a sad someone sad like regular type house somewhere Northall wood and they're all there in like whether what's her name who eventually was in true Beverly Hills and then became a lady rocker Jenny. I don't remember her last name. I don't. Remember either anyway, she was the the daughter. She was one of the kids in the thing. So she's in it.
You know, they had all the old writers from Life from I Love Lucy. Marilyn Pugh, right? Yeah, and the and the man. The man. And the woman junior? Yes, exactly. I knew you would know. They I was rolled they. Rolled them out of retirement, out of the grave to come back and be like how what they're like, what should we do? How about she's a jogger. She loves jogging. That's the way the audience won't feel like she's gonna fall down and hurt herself because she's a jogger.
She's in. She's in a geriatric jogger. Why not? She can do it. Lucy can do it. I mean I can't get enough. I mean do we need to do a watch along feet of life with Lucy and how God is? I would love that. I was obsessed with. I went to her hometown in Jamestown, NY when I was 16, me and my parents and and we came out to Hollywood to to go to her grave. But they've moved it now since. They did they. Moved it to Jamestown 'cause they have like a big lucid festival now. Her.
Body, it's ashes. They just use the ashes, right? Yeah. I mean, you know, when I was in 8th grade, I wrote a pitch for a sitcom that was meant to be the comeback Afterlife with Lucy. And it was a more serious take. It was, this was like 8889. So dramedies were really big, OK. And I thought I was going to be like ATV executive. Like 30 something. Yes, yes. So this was 1/2 hour sitcom called Lucille. OK, do we get it? Serious take. It's a serious stake on Lucy.
And she played a cantankerous grandma. OK. I wrote all the characters. I sent it to her. She wrote me a letter. Oh. Yeah. 8th grade on Lucille Ball Productions, stationary. Oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah, and I. Used to have that. Yes, it's in a box deep in my parents. House. Yeah, you're gonna get that frame. 100% the Lucille Ball stationery. And of course, it was like, Miss Ball usually does this and that, but like, honey, I was so obsessed and I dined out on that
forever. And then she died. Yeah, I remember when she died in, She died in like 89, right after she like, went to the Academy Awards with Bob Ho. Right. And then I'm sure there was a National Enquirer headline that was like Lucy at death's door at Academy Awards. Well, this one says why I didn't love Lucy. By the time I was 16, my mother and I were trying to kill one another. Oh, not Lucy versus Lucy I. Mean, we know that Lucy was a cantankerous lady, honey, she was she like.
To work she. Shot all like, now move that camera. Get over there. Do this. She was like our early RuPaul. She was like a one woman studio. I mean like. Is this so apropos, sweetie? Oh my God, what? Is the cabbage patch kids Olympic kids you can you can right away to get the official mascots of the 1996 US Olympic team in cabbage patch form I. Just love it. Like bring them back now. I mean, why are we celebrating with the Cabbage Patch Kids now? The Hollywood When?
When The Olympics come to Hollywood. Baby, when the Olympics come to Hollywood, shit is about to be wild. I can't be here. I'm going to have to leave. It could. Be so wild. Well, then I saw him like they were talking about the mayor was talking about there's no cars that are allowed to go to any of the events, right? You have to take public transportation. I'm like, you mean in the metro? The metro? Are you going to get stabbed to death? Handy. Exactly.
That's where all the games should be like underneath the ground in the metro. Like how to get off the metro without being killed? How to get out of Holly West Hollywood without having so much shit on your doorstep? What did you think of all the Olympic big Dick? Oh good for that. Like I forgot about all about the Summer Olympics having such big Dicks. Like I've got to say, this was the most penis focused Olympics I've ever seen and I I couldn't be happier.
I know it was great. When that guy's Dick hit the bar I was like, is this a gift from God? Everybody was talking about, even my mother, even my father and I were talking about. I was like, did you see that guy's Dick hit that? No, everyone's talking about. Normally we're used to a very compact smush Dick. Yeah, Speedo or with layers of protection. Not the French baby. They went, he went. And that not only do you see balls, you saw a Dick, you saw a smashing of the two together. A.
Bird had a wibble. Wobble. It was, it was alive. It was alive. He was, he was the, the the bird was competing also. The man was competing and the bird was competing. At least I think that Dick and Balls was run and operated by Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Give him a gold. Give that bird a gold. Medal. A gold medal, honey. Bert puts the dog before making, puts on the dog before making. A real splash. Oh, this is an old picture of Burt Reynolds.
Oh yeah, that's a flashback. Back in the day flashback Back in the day. Oh wait, sorry, I'm now I'm distracted. This great piece of literature Letterman to Oprah. I'm so sorry about the fat jokes. Oh yeah, cruel. David Letterman upset Oprah Winfrey by making fun at her expense, but he desperately wants to kiss and make up the queen of daytime TV. Poor Oprah. Whatever happened to her? She colonized Hawaii and now is
being burnt at the stake. I love that she got caught doing Ozempic. Like she's just wouldn't say what she was doing and then she finally had to admit that she was doing Ozempic. I mean, we are. It's like Oprah, thinner than ever. Oprah more stunning than ever. I'm just walking, walking around the Manor. I'm just watching. Vegetables. I mean, like all these years and then all of a sudden there's a a new weight loss drug and then
all of a sudden you lose weight. Don't try to take me, Oprah. Exact same time. I mean, you know who the Ozempic has worked the best for though. Kelly Clarkson. In that vein, she's a genie in the bottle. Oh, Christina, I really did. I. Really did. If we could get Britney on as that pick too, we could relive 2000. We could have a recreation of the 2000 VMA's. Oh my God, those two come out. Yes, exactly.
I'll introduce Whitney Houston. Christina Aguilera is so thin and tiny, it's truly unbelievable. It really is unbelievable. And I was like, when soon as I saw her, I'm like, oh, I was that back. But like if Ozempic works like every star should be on it. Yeah. You're getting our glory days stars back. I can't even imagine. Well, whenever I see like, you know, a bigger star, the first thing I think now, which is so sad, I'm like, oh, why aren't
they on Ozempic? They don't want their goods arranged. Yeah, I like Lizzo. Is Lizzo not on Ozempic? No, she's she, she, she's not on Ozempic. Richard Simmons gave me a new body. Were you? Depressed for Richard Serp or Richard? I mean, now you've lived in West Hollywood for many years, so you must have had run insurance. I've never had a Richard Simmons run in. You never did. I'm so sad about that. Why did I? Why do I even live here? Like.
What's the point of? Like the energies would have, he would have like been drawn. I know. And I saw people that went to his like exercise thing in Beverly Hills. I never did that. Wow, I once ran into him at pavilions and he and this is a great story Pete. He was singing and dancing among the among the checkout. Lines as you want him to. I love that and. It was a song much like Bette Davis sang and Whatever Happened to Baby?
G Oh my God. Like, I'm gay, he met, we put Daddy OK, and he's going in between all of the things. And he comes up to me and I'm standing in the checkout line and next to me is the helium balloons, you know, the foil balloons. And he grabs the balloon and he looks up at me and says, well, you buy me a balloon, Daddy. My God, just so lucky. And I said yes, little girl, and he skipped away and he just danced off and everyone was so
delighted. He kind of turned into whatever happened to Baby Jane, he disappeared, whatever happened to Richard Simmons. I was loving the stories when he disappeared. Oh me too. Like he was kidnapped by the like by the by the maid or? That she had like a voodoo trance on him or something. Yeah, yeah. And she was controlling. Him in the end, when he died, she was the one that came forward and said he was. They were like, they were like in, they were like each other's companions.
Whatever, whatever, I preferred the story where she had control of him. Yes, had him tied up in the bed. Exactly, and she or or I also enjoyed that Richard was finally gonna live his cross dresser. Oh yeah. That's really. Well, I bet you all of that's true. He was kidnapped in a wig, yes. Now, what have been your favorite like over the years? You, you know, we've seen so many tabloid stories. Who are your favorite stars to be covered in the tabs?
I mean, you're a Princess Diana. Girl, I'm a Princess Diana. Girl. There was one right here that I was looking at that said Princess. What was that? Died to be named in three divorces over here. Oh my. Well yes, I love Princess Diana. This one's the Polish string secret report. Tragic. Diana will become a shoplifter. Oh my God. I love Princess Diana's stuff, I loved Madonna's stuff back in
the day. Like also back then, like in the 90s, you know before the Internet this is the only way to get information on celebrities other than A Current Affair and hard copy. I was recently did an episode where I went back and just looked at The Enquirer and I brought up the sound effect from The Enquirer commercials. Oh, I love that commercial. Inquiring minds were never. Like me. Like me. God, Pete, you deserve to be in one of those commercials. I do. Like me.
Like. Do I need to produce? Do I need to produce that? Somebody came up to me and told me that I should be a reporter. I should write to the Inquirer and tell them that I want to be a reporter. And I I work in Hollywood and I have inside source. I want that for you also like who are those terrible ladies that were in the post? Oh, Cindy Adams. Cindy Adams and Liz Smith. Listen, I think. You deserve to take those mantels.
I would love to move to New York City, back to New York City and write for the this page 6. And you start Hobnom immediately in the upper echelon of society. Yeah, some in Upper East Side socialize. Oh. You're wearing head to toe Air mez goatee Air mez from the 90s and you're looking at people. With your magnifying I I hope that does come true. That's the only thing I really want now in my life. Is to be a upper echelon society rewarder. Yeah. My dreams have changed also, yeah.
Goodbye. Hollywood. Goodbye, Hollywood. I'm leaving for the Upper East Side. She's come to the mix. She's the biggest new guy. It's pizza on the gossip side. Whoo, you'd be great at that. Oh, God. Seinfeld. AIDS tragedy. Yeah, I know. But that's what what AIDS tragedy was there. There also in the tablets back then there was a lot of stories about AIDS, aids. There was always like sharing AIDS, aids. AIDS and there was fat. A lot of fat shaming. Fat shaming aids people in the closet.
So much more exciting back. There exciting and also there was a we were in in the 80s was a really interesting time when stars from the 30s and 40s and 50s that were huge, huge stars were still alive. Yeah. So you could have like Mae West, shocker. Yes. Doris Day shocker, they were. What was Doris Day shocker? That she was a lesbian, he says. She kicked me out of bed and slept with her dogs, she says. How could he be such a jerk? It's important to me.
It is important. Travolta shocked by wife's sex romp with Tom Cruise. Diana rescues drowning tramp. I smell death as I sang. Then a fairy Princess was holding my hand. Diana saved a tramp. That's what this says. If it's in here, if it's in the globe, in my speech, it's. Got to be real. Always lots of stories about Oprah too. Back in the day. Oprah. Was the most covered I. Think Michael Jackson. Oh, here we go. Here's some good fat shaming. 230 LB Rosie is a ticking time bomb.
Rosie O'Donnell. Fat killing Talk Queen Doc warns. This is also this type of headline Fat killing talk, Queen Doc warns. It's so crazy, I love it. Rosie's a non-stop snacker and it's all junk food, pizzas, burgers and candy. What she used to say on her show that she loved Ding dongs. She did ring a Ding, so whatever the hell they are. Were you a big watcher of the Rosie Show back in the day? I, I, well, I've always loved daytime talk shows and nighttime
talk shows. So I, I did watch it, but I wasn't like a like all all about Rosie O'Donnell show. But I, I always like talk shows, like when people ask me, what do you watch? I'm like Wendy Williams. Wendy, I mean, I knew that we were were together on that mind. I feel like Wendy Williams was the best at the art form and the best it will ever be. There's no one that's going to be better than Wendy. I was just watching old episodes on YouTube and I was just like, Oh my God, she was so good.
She went on Ellen's show once as a guest, and they brought it. Like they did a segment of Ask Wendy, but for Ellen's audience. And Ellen just seems so mad that the audience loved Wendy. Like she's so mad about it. And she was so good at giving advice. And I'm like, why couldn't you give your own, give yourself advice, Wendy? Why? I mean. I don't completely understand that this whole thing with
Wendy, it doesn't make sense. It's just so bizarre because she seemed so no nonsense on the show, but she was nothing but nonsense in her own personal, personal life. Her personal life was all nonsense. All nonsense mess. I mean when she was hiding the booze in the ceiling tiles. It just seemed like everything like unravelled really fast. So fast and like how much drugs?
What's she doing? I mean, did you get into this behind the scenes articles like from when It was like they were like they had at one point she got so bad that they put on a delay and the producers had 10 minutes to decide whether she was too fucked up to do the show. I read that whole article about because I was like, because towards the end I was like, something's going on with her because she was just like sort of drift off. It was. It was off and look, I was the
number one staunch person. I was like Wendy COVID being depressed and weird. I'll take. It yes, I'll. Take it a million times, yes. Oh, yes, And I went to one of the last shows, I went to New York like 2021, and we had to wear a mask in the audience. And I think they thought I was trans because they put me in the corner with this other, this trans woman.
And she was so mad because she's like, every time I come here, they put me in this corner and I'm like, well, maybe they think I'm trans. But she was like, she seemed a little out of it when I went to the live taping of it. Yeah. And she's having trouble walking with her lymphedema. Oh, the lymphedema. Oh, the lymphedema. Lymphedema. She used to have that girly little hop. I know. To the thing that eventually was
just a trudge. And now that she's like under a conservatorship with some weird white woman that has control of her money. Why? How are these weird white women getting control of our favorite stars? It doesn't make any sense. She's some sort of like judge or something, right? Yeah, it's so strange and scary and bizarre and that Wendy doc. I well the you mean the one that like the newer ones? Because new ones I know. Not the good ones when she was
in control. We love that because we felt like Adam. Wendy, That's right. Eat Doritos and caviar, cry, shift your wig. Do all of it like we love you. You're perfect. And then this new one. I had. I couldn't finish it because it was so sad. It was making me sad you. Get to the part where she was with Blac Chyna. Yeah, I did see that. Yeah, she takes that. She looks I was so sad. I thought she was the the I saw her do it live one time.
So a long Wendy Williams story that I'll make shorter is I went to the Halloween show in Wendy to for Wendy in like the early aughts, like maybe 2007. I remember when you were on the. You mean like on the the? Well, I went on the show, but before the how I got to be on the show, Pete, was that I'd gone with my friend Eric Couture Aviance to see a taping. Erica showed up in drag. We got there and they're like,
oh, what is your name? And she's like, oh, Eric Couture. And then when we got to the front, they said, sorry, we don't let people in costume into the show. And we were like, oh, and they're like, you can't just have people showing up as refrigerators and shit. Like it's price of rice is right. And so we were both like shell shocked. They're like, Oh my God, our favorite show is totally like homophobia in US right now. I remember when they were talking about.
And they put they put us in the corner that you were in and they were like, the this area, you can go in, but you're not going to be on camera at all. And so we were there. It became like a big thing because Erica talked about it. The ACLU got involved and they made a big apology to Erica and the producer called Erica. So when I got a big sketch show, I had reached out to that producer. It was like, thank you for apologizing to Erica. That was like right around the same time.
Is the producer Suzanne? No, there was some guy named Rob. Some. There's always a gay guy in the background who was actually in charge that we never saw. And I reached out to him and I said, you know, thanks for pausing to my friend Erica. We started chatting and I was like, you know, I'm on the big A sketch show. Maybe we could get on. And that was when people were doing hot topics in the front
row. Like the guest was you didn't come sit on stage, so it was a little ghetto and you sat in the front row and it was me. And now the two most famous people from big A sketch show who are now millionaires, Kate McKinnon and Coleman Domingo I. Remember that. Ouch, sweetie. And yeah, we did do it. And we got to see Wendy like this close, do the hot topics. And I was like, wow, the way she worked that fucking camera was
so good. And it was like a the best performance of Hot Topics I've ever seen. How are you doing? What? Was that, what was that? What was that like The Wendy? Do you get into the guy who does the the Wendy universe? Where it's like this whole like when he re edit it yeah he. Re edits it with all the sound effects and. Like. Laser sounds like spooky music and. Like and like it's just her walking, the sound effect of her feet walking and the audience
looking at her. Yeah, if you've never gotten into it, I believe it's called the Wendy Williams Multiverse. Or something like that, yeah. That is 100% beat ask Ivana advice for the 90s. Yes, ask her. What advice does she give? Does she talk about it? What happens if they bury you in a golf course? My husband has buried me as a tax deduction on his luxury golf course. What should I do? Dig me up. Dig me up. I blame my brother for daughter's death. Ouch, heavy stuff. God, my brother now.
Well, let's do a more fun one than that. After a parade of losers, I've had it. I'm a 38 year old woman who's had a disastrous affair after another. The first fellow I lived with turned. Out to be a drug dealer. The next guy left me after I gave him money to start a business. The last fellow wined and dined me for two weeks and then dumped me when his steady girlfriend got back from vacation. I'm heartbroken and ready to give it up. Calling it quits.
Ottawa, Canada and Ivana says there's no reason to give up. Just don't take it easy. Don't jump head first into a relationship with every man you meet. Give yourself a a time to date different guys and get to know them and develop trust before giving so much. It's not great advice. I wanna. Don't get mad, get everything. What is that the answer to every time? Go what? Don't get mad, get everything. And my daughter doesn't talk to me. Don't get mad, get to
everything. The top ten scandals you read about first in the Globe? They include Vanna Seduced to Me. Cortana, can I borrow us an asks for X-rated. Wow, Brawl in the Family, The story of untold Mac's family slugfest. Oh form. Macaulay Culkin. Mac had it rough. James Brown with new gal three days after her wife died. Remember when James Brown was on like a drug Bender? Oh yes, that was wild.
And his hair was wild and he was like, I also thought that woman, when he died, I forgot her Tammy or something showed up with red hair. Fabulous weeping Fergie cracks up after sexcapades are exposed. Michael rocked by strippers claims of sizzling fling. Wow. And just like that. What is your thought now? Are you Sex in the City girl? I am a Sex in the City girl. And what do we think of and just like that? I'm not like I'm, I mean, I watch it. I'll watch them. I think I put them on the moon
and I'll watch, right? Because we're grateful to have the girls back in existence. But it is outrageously. Bad. It's so bad. And it's also like, let those girls have fun. I mean, last step is last season Carrie vomited. Like that's what you're gonna do. I've never seen her vomit on that. I don't think I've ever seen vomit on sex on this set.
Definitely not. And then when we had to watch the behind the scenes when she was holding in her mouth and doing all the rest, like, that's not what we need. No, we don't want to we. Also didn't need Cynthia Nixon's full pussy. No, we didn't need to see that. No, I needed to see that. No, I had to see that Ginger. Plus, you ought to you were a huge fan of the fingering I'm. Sure. Oh God, with Chay Chay and. Now isn't doesn't that feel like a fever dream that the country
was wrapped up in hating Chay? Or it's all over, it's all over weapons after all that. And then they like, like, I wonder how they write her off. I wonder if they kill her They're. Just never coming back. She's gone, they're gone, they're gone. A battle that's never ending. The battle of accidentally calling Shay She. Don't you dare, don't you dare, Don't you dare finger you. Don't you they'll they'll finger you. They'll. Finger you. Gosh. Darn it. They'll do it.
Oh. I need Kathy Lee Gifford. You need a miracle. You need a miracle. OK, some current hot topics I wanted to ask you about. Are you a Britney fan? I am a Britney fan. What do you think of her fucking the gardener and like continuing to date what they're calling the felon? I think it's great. It's also, I think it's good for
her. Well, there would you say there was a video of them like she was at some child's like I guess his children's some sort of like what's that thing where kids go to and they jump up and down the bouncy house, bouncy house thing and she. Was at the bouncy house with the kids. Those stupid fuckers. I sucked their dad's Dick behind the bouncy house. Nobody saw. I mean, that's basically it. And I heard that he feeds her drugs. That's got to be it. She's like, I'm so fucking
bored. I just need a fucking bump. That's what I need. My kids are real assholes. She does bums and goes on the bouncy house for hours and hours and hours. Fucking on the bouncy house, I spin. Do you think we're ever getting, do you think we're ever getting any true new content from Britney ever again? No. No. Do you? No, No. I think like the only thing they can do is like do what? They've been doing.
Stuff. But it's like that what they did with what was that last terrible thing that they tried to pawn off as a new song? Oh, with Will, I am, yeah. Yeah, but what the fuck was that even called? It's so bad that I can't even remember what it. Was it was a horrible song. Well, then she did that song with Elton John. But I'm like but. Again, that's like another thing where I think they found old shit. She didn't record that song. She. Did not.
Know it's probably I don't want. To go to that fucking gay guy's house and do it like he's fat. I don't want to. He's weird and fat. He's going to smother me. He's going to smother me like a biscuit. He's going to try to eat my food. I ain't doing that. I ain't doing it. Britney Jane, get out of mommy. Get out of here.
I've been getting into some of the old, there's a guy who's who writes those blind items for crazy day and nights and on his Patreon, he has been doing the Britney Sears, Britney Spears odyssey and going every year and every detail and every court case and everything that's going on. And like there's so much going on, but like there's so many other shit that we only really heard about quickly.
But like all the security guards who during the conservatorship were like she's, I was sexually harassed by her. She flashed my pussy every time I would come into the pool house. She was always in there naked. She would fuck with the windows open and be like meet me at the back door guard and then be like there with her pussy out being like get me some cigarettes guard. My God. Well, I mean, I felt bad for her. What else could she do? She was trapped. Trapped.
Like an animal. Security guard. Had to show her pussy the security guard, she was so bored. Now she's on the lease, I'm surprised that we we don't see her more like driving around LA like crazy. I mean, honestly, if I could get a time machine and go back to the gas station lighter days. Oh. Yeah, ever. Like in like over here in West Hollywood. Yeah. I mean, that's why I wasn't here yet, but I remember like she was on the loose. She was on the lease. She was so on the loose.
Beat Madonna's new boyfriend. Any thoughts? Well she's in Italy with him now but like I can't find any information about him. I heard that he's 28. OK, that's reasonable. That's. Reasonable, but like where did this one come from? Where do where does Madonna meet a man? I think I have I, I have a theory like she just does like photo shoots and that like they like bring in models and then they, they're not real photo shoots. They just like she just has them so she can meet hot guys or.
Like the dancers have hot friends. Yeah, the dance 'cause she like, she likes dancers, she likes models. The last one was a boxer. The boxer? He was her son's boxing teacher. What a what a MILF. I mean also like she does not care about bringing different men around her children over and over and over like. Definitely not. She's like, that's one thing. She's like, mommy's going to do what Mommy needs to. Mommy's pussy has to be
serviced. It's been serviced to the 10th degree all these years and I'm not stopping now. She's Madonna. But I was also thinking like, yeah, she's, she's wandering around Italy with him. And I'm just like, my God, yours has been so hugely famous for so long. You can just get like I want a boyfriend and just get like a boyfriend. Yeah, like, I, I mean, I bet if you were in the room with Madonna and she was like all into you, you'd probably be like, I do. I do like Madonna.
Like she probably seduces. Yeah, when I saw her in country, I was so close to her and like I looked right in her eyes. Up close, you wet a couple times. I went three times, like I went once in Pittsburgh with I took my father and I was really close. Like she looked me right in the eyes and I got like chills because they were so like dead. And I love Madonna, but I I she just was. I mean, she was singing. Tell me we were singing to each other.
Love isn't true. But I just remember looking in her eyes and I got like I smiled at her and she just like nodded her head. Like she didn't smile because I guess she was singing but like her eyes just seemed so like. Wow. You know, like she like deep dark. Is that as close as you've ever gotten to Madonna after all these years? Well, I was at the Roxy and and for the you were at the time, Roxy at the Valentine's Day show in 1998 and I got really close to her. Wow.
Wait, what era was 90? 8 ray of light. Well, just about the ray of light was about to come out. 'Cause that was that same or when Beyoncé also went to the Roxy. Yes, yeah, but everyone went to the Roxy. That was the Roxy, was it? Oh, it's gone. It is the all the good stuff gone. It's all dead. It's all. It's all but. Madonna's still here. Madonna's still here, her pussies on fire for. Her. Jlo and Ben. Oh my gosh. Desperate to maintain his sobriety and he's got to get
out. Well, I thought that she like started her own liquor brand and she's married to an alcoholic and she doesn't even drink. Yeah, exactly. That seems very aggressive. He's very aggressive, like a very aggressive dude if you can't. And also like I heard that they're not, they're going to get divorced, but they're not going to announce it till they sell the house. The 60. $1,000,000. Sell that $60 million house. Nobody wants to buy a $60 million house with the with the stink.
Of those. Jlo and yeah, like the the low, if you can afford 60 million, you can afford a new build. Thank you. And also I heard that Jennifer Aniston's interested in Ben Affleck and I'm like, what's with all these Jennifer's? Wow, now talk about a tabloid star who's been tormented for years. Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston. Or Jennifer Aniston. Just like. Hiding behind the Rachel. Oh, she has to.
Do you remember when she went on Oprah and she had a little bit of too much filler and so they really Racheled her out to try to cover as much? Oh. No. Is this what she was talking about the the divorce with Brad? She. Was like post friends she went on and it was it was early filler era. She's been they've just made her like trying to get a baby for so long. I. Don't think she ever wanted one, but I think she I felt like she maybe tried to pretend that she did. She probably felt like she
should want a baby. I want a baby. I want one right now. You do. With salt. With a little truffle salt. Yeah. It's like a baby right now. The she, she probably, she's probably a she doesn't want a fucking baby. She wants to hang out with faggots. And smoke weed and do yoga and. Do yoga. Like live it up. And drink her smart water and put on her Aveeno moisturizer live. Free not be running around some Rugrats. She's rich enough that she could
have had a baby at any time. She'd be good to order a baby on DoorDash. Well, she could get one from malaria, not. Malaria. Yeah, everybody. Malawi should. We get a Malawi baby, she could buy one of Madonnas. Do you own one of these? No, I don't own one of those. Do you own any special products from What's the? What's the What's the one that's worth with all the real? Ashton Drake. Ashton Drake, All the real life
baby dolls. Yeah, well, somebody bought me the alien baby doll Lumina, but I I was hoping I was going to feel like. Wait, that was from Ashton Drake? I was talking about it on Total Trash Live and somebody bought it for me and sent it to me for Christmas. Now that person has just brought a lot of joy to the world since you got your baby. Thank you, but my mom broke its foot. Her foot. Your mother Pete's mother goes mad breaking baby's foot, but she forces say.
But she blames the cat. She brings my cat. To blame mom, says SZ. My mom was watching the cat and she messed it. She calls me up. She's like something horrible happened and I thought Oh my God something happened to my cat. She's like Luminas foot broke. The cat knocked her off the shelf. I'm like I don't believe that story. I think you dropped. You were playing with Lamina and you fucking did it, Mom. Justin Timberlake's DUI. Good for her, get drunk and try to do something interesting.
Right. The best part of that to me was the meme that came after that said, you know which one that in his bloodstream they found like cocaine, ecstasy, it. Looked, really. It looked real. And the Daily Mail. Poppers and Truvada. Truvada. I was like a friend of mine thought it was real. So did my my trainer said to me, he said. But why was he taking Truvada? I I don't even want to correct people. Let's just let them believe that lie I. Think that's the greatest lie, that he's out there?
He's on poppers. Driving around and then driving. Around in the Hamptons looking for for Dick. Now, did you did you see the footage that came out the day later or two days later of him in concert where he looked really fucked up? What do you think was going on there? I don't. Know what was going on, he looked he. Looked like he was James Brown on that fucking coke Bender in the 80s. He was on. Something was Askew, something was happening.
Very Askew. And I don't know what's going on with him and that wife, Jessica Biel. It's that that relationship is that's fraud. I don't believe it. And also, like, who would want Justin Timberlake like such a mug? So smug and smarmy. Smarmy, did you watch when when he was releasing the album and he did like a one time show here in Los Angeles, a free show and he was introduced.
He was like, now there's one other thing maybe you guys will like and he was like strutting around on stage and then he sits center and he goes and he opens the curtains and it's In Sync and he they're singing. He's like shipping. He jabbing around like, I'm such a cool dude. I was like smug, smug, smug. And then now they're mad at him because he was supposed to go on tour with him and then doesn't want to. I mean.
Nobody wants like they want who? Wants to I I can't believe that anyone's seeing him in concert on that thing, but the concerts look full. I know I don't get it. Like and it looks actually like looks pretty good. I mean the one thing I was sure he wasn't was on drugs in the concert. Like I'm not a fan but he did seem to be dancing and singing and not on coke. And the set looked good because, like, the stage, like that, like, turns upside down and floats over their heads.
Yeah. Where he's like leaning over the crowd. Like I thought like, first of all, the company that made that is like, wow, you gave that to Justin Timberlake. You couldn't have think of somebody better. Than give it to give it to give it to. Can't even remember her name. Charlie Jackson, Lisa. Stansfield, Lisa. Give it to Lisa Stansfield. She deserves that. I love Lisa Stansfield. Hello. Who is it? Lisa Stansfield. Yes, we have a propagation for you.
I'm just a normal woman, retired, living in Brixton. Lisa Stansfield. What happened to Lisa Stansfield? Remembering she was such a big star. Been around the world and. I remember when she did that as a duet with Barry White. I don't know that. I have to baby up then around the world. I Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. I love Barry Wyatt. I I loved her voice. Spit. Curl. That quarrel had a quarrel. She got the quarrel girl.
She's the quarrel with that. Girl, she got the girl and then she tried to be sexy for the next album. Oh yeah, I love that album too, where she's walking around naked really good, London or not And. Then nothing. Like she just disappeared. Right now. She retired to Brixton. Oh my dear, come in the puck of bows. Charlie XCX, are you a brat? I'm a brat. I mean it feels like you are brat. I'm brat 100%. I'm 100% bra. I recently saw her boiler room set. Did you watch that?
Well, it's it's like, you know what that is right when people do they do the boiler room is like makes DJ sets and they'll they'll play it on YouTube. So it's Charlie XX during the brat boiler rim set, because before the album came out and she'd like, you know, brand brand, brand, brand, brand. So she does it with a couple of other deejays. Honey, she is straight up doing like we used to do back in the old nightlife days, ducking under the table to do bumps. Good. For her like they're.
Handing her the bag and she's going under the table to do a bump and then she's handing the bag, bag, bag. That's brat that. Is so. Brat. That's Brat. I mean, she does not. She is living. She's written the Coke references into the music. I think they should just make coke legal now. I mean, why not? I just see everybody doing it out in public and like anymore anyway. Do you see it? People doing lots of coke?
Are they doing? Like in right in front of me, right in front of you, right in my house, in my kitchen. I'm like, what are you doing in here? Get away from my air fryer. I'm. Brat, I can do what I want. Brat. Brat. And last but not least, Oh no, that was already at raw dogging. Oh, everybody wants to do raw dog. Nobody wants to wear a condom. That's why I'm not fucking. Well, I wasn't talking about that type of raw dog. Excuse me? No, not on this show. I mean, condoms.
I've never even heard of that. We have you heard of this thing which straight guys have been getting into, which is raw dog. You know, it seems like it would be erotic, but it is not. What it is, is going on an airplane flight five to seven hours or more. No sleeping, no eating, no magazines, no earphones. You're supposed to do it. Just you and your thoughts. Oh, I saw something like that where Jerry O'Connell posted that he was raw talking a flight. What the fuck?
Well honey, those straight boys are so boring they need something to do. I guess, I guess like when you don't have the world stacked against you, now you have to make sure like you got, I've got a conquer this flight. I've done raw Dog because I have to take Spirit Airlines from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh, where my family lives. No bad. It's the only direct flight to Pittsburgh from here. Is Spirit and is and I raw jogger. I raw jogger.
Wow, but you mean raw jogging? It means you fuck the stewardess and the stewardess. Steward in the condom. I love to fuck a Spirit flight attendant. I mean, maybe you got the Spirit credit card and you got your. Spirit Point. And you got the spirit, the spirits in you, and the spirits in them. I'm a brat spirit. You are. You're the spirit brat. They should change to Brat Airlines now. You just were in New York for
messy white gays. Yeah, we were doing a workshop of it in Vassar College, I believe. How fancy. Well, we're living in a dorm. Yeah. It was fun actually I had a lot of. Were there acting school students there in summer program? There was, there was some students there. I don't know exactly what they were doing. On an enlisted affair with a college. Student I was dreaming or daydreaming of falling in love on on a Vassar, you know, college campus. Open grinder her Sniffies on campus.
No, I, I popped up a grinder, but like nothing was really popping. And then there was like, no, there's no gay bars or anything there. Wow. And Poughkeepsie. You guys were the gay bar. We were the gay bar and we were messy because the first night we locked ourselves out of the dorm and then this created across security at like 2:00 in the morning. Wow. Because we're brat. You are obviously brat. The cast of that is definitely brat.
We are so brat. We had so much fun and we ate in the dining hall and I locked myself out of my dorm. Like we locked ourselves out of our dorm house and then I locked myself out of my dorm room. Wow, you had to have keys for everything? You're too brat for words. I. Was a little bit concerned because the house kind of reminded me of Idaho murder. Uh huh. Oh my God, that's why I was very concerned. They keep the doors locked on it 'cause. Wow, honey.
I don't want somebody coming in here and try to kill us. No, but. That's the thing. There's always a killer somewhere. People think, oh, I'm safe, 'cause I'm on a college campus. No, no you're not. Wendy was right. Wendy was right. There's always the killer. Killer is around the corner any moment. Any moment. That's why she like to have a penthouse with one door to come in and one door to get. Exactly with the cats that she never took care of and her
apartment smelled like. Cats. Well, first of all, they had that dog that disappeared. They get rid of the dog and then she got there's two cats and then she disappeared. Oh my God, Pete, I can talk to you for hours and days. Just I'll enjoy you 100%. Where can everybody find you? They can listen to Total Trash live. You can listen to Total Trash live. You can find me on Instagram at Pete Zias and. Oh, you have a new movie that's out now? Movie out.
It's called Ganymede. It's a gay horror thriller. Scary. And you could find that on Amazon Prime and Apple Plus and Video on Demand. And yeah, you can watch me on Instagram Live every other Monday at 7:00 Hollywood Live. You know what? And also if you miss it live, it's there you can watch. All of you can watch on my YouTube channel, The Pete Seyer Show, and you can listen to the podcast on Apple Podcast and Spotify and SoundCloud. It's everywhere.
I mean, it's sometimes Pete, sometimes I'll watch it and then listen also separately, so. It's two different experiences. It is to watch it and to listen. It's all. It's all things. It's all things Brat. It's Brat. It's Brat. Thanks Brat. Alright, thanks everybody for listening and we'll see you next time on gay ass fuck. Bye baby.