It's a Kiki with John and Nick G gonna spill all the tea, all my LGBTS you're. What? Yes. Because Johnny McGovern is gay, yes. Hello everyone, and welcome to Gay as Fuck. It also is still yes, here in Los Angeles it is a motherfucking heat wave. I got my air conditioning on one zillion. I mean I have it on 60 honey because I need it to be cold and currently a little moist. Don't worry, I have solved my
problem for this. If you're watching me on video on Patreon, you can see I have a glass of delicious crushed ice. And let me tell you, crushed ice could solve the world's problems. And what soda will we be delighting into this session? Well baby, it's a 0 sugar squirt. Now, I only got squirt because once they sentenced me as a replacement for Diet Sunkist. And yes, I know chemicals, so that's why it's so delicious.
But I got to tell you, the Squirt turned out to be more delicious than the Diet Sunkist, and it's kind of like jizz flavored. And jizz named, well, doesn't taste like jizz, but it kind of looks like jizz soda. And his name's Squirt. So what do you fucking expect? Squirt Now with jizz in it the soda for gay guys. I've got to tell you, I bought my crushed ice machine for I think $35 and that thing is giving me $35,000 worth of enjoyment. OK, pour a delicious soda over
some crushed ice. Baby, you are in heaven. Sometimes, especially with the soda all soak into the crushed ice. So you sip and then you're left with flavored delicious 0 sugar ice chemicals. Now, because I'm a man of a certain type, I also have another addition to put into my soda, my clear Squirt soda. It's a little what is this cocktail that I'm making? Well, I just added a splash of Saint ID's High Punch with fruit Punch with a dash of weed. You know what?
I'm lying and none of this is sponsored. Can you imagine Squirt giving me money to call them the soda which is in it? No, though I would love to have a St. eyed sponsorship sweetie, because these weed drinks. As someone who no longer partakes in any alcohol or other type of drugs other than a weed punch, it sure is nice to have something. You know what? A little, just enough. Oh, baby. All right. And last thing this week's fragrance is oh, do I have to do that?
Yes, it is a rare and opulent fragrance by Tom of Finland. OK, sweetie, Tom of Finland, does that have a fragrance? And actually, I didn't plan Jizz Soda and Jizz Fragrance to go together, but the Time of Finland fragrance, which is called Edith Libre de Orange, is supposed to have notes, of course, orange in it, but notes of jizz and cigarettes. And that's one of the reasons why it appeals to me. Leather jizz and cigarettes. Yep, just a touch of each of
those. You can still find this on eBay for a very reasonable price. Faggoty. Yes. What do you think? Bigfoot. Bigfoot likes the smell of it, don't you? You do. I found the emergency Bigfoot sound effects card that Sasha Flick sent me a long time ago, so it'll be keeping me company today, right? Bigfoot? Oh, nice. Hey, Bigfoot, can you look down there and see if if I drop the if I dropped any more of this high punch? Can you smell it? Oh, he smells it. Oh, all right.
Well, he did it all all right. OK. OK. Now, look, there's a lot going on in the world. The election's so close. Trump and Kamala had the debate this week. But look, you've got so many other shows to talk about real things. OK? This is a show where we escape from all that. OK? We drink weed punch mixed with squirt and we dream thaggity dreams. OK? And that's what you do on this show because let's talk about one of the most beautiful thaggity visions I've seen in weeks.
And that was the whimsical and stunning beauty of Gus Kenworthy's ass shows at Burning Man OK, if you haven't seen the clip showing it on the video version right now, not only did Gus Kenworthy decide to go to Burning Man with a all gay crew called the cockpit, but honey, he he was not there to be selfish. He was there to share his assets with the world. And later on, Instagram showed us the exact fit of his perfect furry little stuffed animal
themed jockstrap. Look at his teeth, look at his hair, look at his body, look at his face. Oh my God, my goodness. Well look, there's a lot to talk about with Gus Kenworthy. Not just his beauty, but who's he dating? Is that guy a secret? Only fan, Sir? Is their relationship monogamous? Which were they having sex with? Tons of other hot guys at Bernie, man.
There's only speculation, but we do a lot of it right on the Patreon where we me and Mother Crunk Sparkle Magic dive in deep to that very topic on this week's episode called The Leg of the Golden Goddess Takes Manhattan. You'll have to listen to understand that title. Gus from the world slow clap all right to standing obeiser. Yes, what a delight. What a delight. You know what that deserves to know? The spreads of this jizzy Cologne from Time of Finland.
Yes it does. Oh, this deserves another spreads of the Time of Finland. Like if you want to get in with me and Mother Crunk talking all about that as well as lots of other gay shit, join me over at the Patreon, which is patreon.com/guess of All Time. Plus, that's where you can see
the video version of the show. Where did I let look, aha, look at me, be able to see me in my little studio, my little classes, my little sodas, my little stuff, my new collection of gay bar themed shirts that I've been wearing. All of it. So you know where to go. patreon.com/gears of all time, sweetie. But sweetie, beyond that, there is plenty to talk about today. Anna Wittor is shushing people at the US Open. Kevin Federline is about to get cut the fuck off from some of
his Britney child support money. Fuck. Yeah. Christina Aguilera? Did she get all faceless? Why is Tyra Banks knocking on strange ladies hotel room doors? What is Azalea Banks upset about this time? And does everyone love Jlo again? It just has to torture and they're ready to love her again. God bless. Well, all that and more. So baby, let's get into it. Get into it, into it, into it, into it, get into it. Now, I don't want you to get the idea that the only thing to
cover on this podcast. It's mean old ladies. But I have more on Wintour being a crowded cunt. News that I have to share because I can't get enough now as of course you know from last week's episode, right out of having a Shade War with Naomi Campbell where she noted that she was late and then left the event before she even came on. Anna has been to the US Open everyday. Hoda Copy and Jenna Bush on the Today Show.
We're talking about their experience at the US Open and told the audience that Anna Matour basically told their asses to shut the fuck up. U.S. magazine reports Jenna Bush Hager and Hoda Koppy brought their bright, bubbly and boisterous personalities to the US Open, but not everyone liked the noise. We were loud and annoying. Koppy, 60, confessed during the Monday episode of Today with Hoda and Jenna. Koppy said tennis is fun and said, I think Anna Wintour asked us to quiet down.
And then the other said she did, what do you think? She said it, can you quiet down? Was she, did she under like please can you keep it down? Or was she like, please can't you show some respect for the game of tennis and for my friend Roger out there who's playing his heart out and keep it down? Look, you Nappo baby, and you second rate Kathie Lee home girl. Can you zip your fucking lips?
That's all. They don't really give any more details as to what the fuck she said, but those are all things that I enjoyed. Other things people were enjoying at the US Open were $150.00 box of Nuggets. OK, now if you were at the US Open, you would have.
You could have been possibly shushed by Anna Wintour, seen Hoda and Jenna act in Kookie Magookie, or seen Taylor Swift out there living it up with her boyfriend in a Gucci bucket hat in a private box doing sexy grind, dancing, smooching and lip syncing for her life in her box with every person in the universe sneaking pictures of her because there was so many
pictures of her. But let's talk about the $100 Nuggets. So one of the items that you can purchase is it's a selection of chicken Nuggets from Coco Duck. The reason why I was $100 is if you bought for you for six Nuggets is if you bought the 24 carat edition. One of the sauces is of course not only just black truffles and truffle Mayo, but Petrosian caviar with a dot of Creme Fresh. OK, I get it.
Look, there's a fish sandwich here in Los Angeles that is also $100, and it comes with a Petrosian caviar loaded tartar sauce. And look, I do want that. So I get it. You're hungry. You're spying on Taylor Swift and an inventor at the US Open. Maybe you're there to actually watch tennis. But you, you're hungry for six Nuggets and you got to get the ones with the Trojan caviar. Why 'cause you're rich. Neppo baby, that, that should be the Neppo baby chicken.
That's what that should be called. Double price. If you're a neppo baby, are you a neppo baby? Neppo babe, are you a neppo baby? A double, triple price. We're going to call out and harass rich neppo babies before we give them their delicious $100 Petrosian Caviar covered Graham fresh chicken Nuggets. That'll show them. Got them and I got them good. Dochi's new album, Alligator
Bites Never Heal is out. And if if you love lady rap music, baby, I want to recommend to you highly that you go check that out. And if you want to get in deep on that record with me, come over to the Patreon because I did a full listening party with Adam Joseph and we go track by track and get deep on all Dochi's lyrics, her style, her music, She's incredible. Now, Dochi does have another song coming out with another artist that I'm hoping will be a
hit for Dochi's sake. But because of who it is, girl, I'm not sure. And what it is, is Dochi's featured on the new song by Katy Perry from Katy Perry's yet to be released soon. Sure to be a bomb album 165 or whatever the fuck it's called now look, I don't need Katy Perry getting some bad juju and put it on Doji.
OK? But this song does actually seem to have some potential to me because now look, I didn't mind actually sexy, confident, so intelligent, but we talked about that in detail, but I didn't think it was that horrible. And then she had that other songs about Light Your Lifetimes and like it sounds like a whole Katy Perry song, but again, no one cared. Nobody likes it. The album should be scrapped and she should go on vacation, but that's not going to be what's happened.
She can't cancel it like Jlo. She's just going to have to keep, she's keeping pushing through, hoping for it. And so the next song that they're releasing is this song called I'm His, He's Mine, featuring Dochi. And the reason why it's notable to me other than Dochi, is that it samples Gypsy Woman She's homeless by Crystal Waters, which after all these mother fucking years is still one of the most iconic and legendary beats in dance music and still
drives people up the wall. Honey, the children go up as curves. Diamond would say I'm his queen. I'm this queen. I'm every. Woman he wants and me I'm. His dream. I'm his dream. I'm every. Woman he knows. So what? I'm his boss. I'm that bitch. I'm every woman he knows exists. I'm his main. I'm his side. I'm every woman that's in his mind. I'm his. He's mine. Well, I I don't think that's going to be a hit.
Not even the power of Dochi, not even the power of Crystal Waters can save you from what is going to be a huge bomb. Sorry. So I have nothing against Katy Perry, but this is just all wrong. And once the tide has turned, once the tide has turned, once people are making Tik toks about how you should just give it a just like it's once the tide has turned, it's really hard to turn it around. For this one project in particular, it's like, what do you do?
Do you just go cancel it all and go to Bali for a year? Actually sounds great. But Katy Perry's not about to do that. She is wanting to be back on top. She's wanting to, you know, she, she's one of the big girls. She wants to have her moment again. And I get it. But this isn't going to be one of the moments. I just don't think it is. But I will listen to the full version of that song when it comes out. And if it's a hit, well, what do you think, Bigfoot?
What will you do? He will howl with joy. And then if it's a bomb, what will you do? I know that's what Katy Perry's going to do, too. She's going to be sad. Well, look, The thing is, though, remember just a couple months ago when the whole world hated Jlo? OK, the world hated Jlo. Even my trainer, who doesn't seem to know a lot about Bob culture, said to me, Jlo, isn't she like, a horrible person or something? I mean, baby, the world was against her. Her movie This Is Me Now, an
album where a huge flop. She had to cancel her tour. She was flopped, Tina, everybody was just shitting on her. Ben Affleck was dumping her. She's getting divorced. Huge embarrassment. Everybody give it up. Jlo now what's happening? Jlo got filed for divorce, held her head up high and went to the premiere of the movie that Ben Affleck produced that she's in when she plays the mother of
some kid. And she wore a little outfit with straps on her side, boob on either side with bows and looked real pretty and had a close conversation with Matt Damon where they held hands. And he probably was like, girl, I'm so sorry, girl. Girl, he's a motherfucker. I can't believe he did this again to you. I know he's my friend, but bitch Justin, he said bitch and she said bitch and then she was seen afterward posing with kids.
And hugging them and. Saying oh come over this photo, you can have a photo being a real sweetie. And now the tides are string again. Just something to remember that to All Stars, to Katy Perry. Remember this just a couple months ago, the world hated Jennifer Lopez and the thought she was a horrible person. Now she's hugging kids and showing side boob and the tide is turning once again. And that is just goes to show
you how fast things turn around. So, you know, do what you got to do, release this terrible album, the go disappear and come back with some real hits that maybe aren't produced by Doctor Luke and you can do it all over again. Just do not go on tour with this album where you'll have to cancel that and that's going to be more embarrassing. Jlo did the right thing. Jlo did the right thing.
She cancelled her tour, she went on vacation, she had a Bridgerton themed birthday party and she showed a lot of side boob and a hot new dress. Oh, and don't forget when she took economy class to Paris because she just had to get out of town. She was being very relatable. Don't you think that's relatable, Bigfoot? Yeah, I do too. I think it's totally relatable.
Yeah. He loves Jennifer Lopez, falls here the whole year is. It already feels like Halloween's and tomorrow, then Christmas, then a whole new year and then everything. Zoom, zoom, zooming by. And that means the Super Bowl's not that far away. So they announced today that the headliner for the 2025 Super Bowl halftime show in New Orleans will be Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar seems like a very esoteric choice for the Super Bowl halftime show. You know, honey, good.
We have the Divas of dance music be the the stars of the halftime show. OK, we still got them. Crystal Waters, Martha Wash, CC Penniston. Bring them all, you know. Looks ready to be doing their Super Bowl halftime show, baby, it's miss Christina Aguilera. OK, outlook. We know she probably took Ozempic, but that does not take away from how stunning she fucking looks. And this recent TikTok by a plastic surgery detective has given us even more interesting information. Let's take a listen.
So Christina Aguilera stepped out last week with a totally new look, looking fantastic. And I'm getting lots of questions about what did she have done. Is it Botox? Is it filler? Is it threads? Yeah, I don't know. Obviously I didn't treat her personally. This is my best guess, but I am a double board certified facial plastic surgeon and a deep plane facelift special. Yes, bitch. And I would gander that she has had a deep plane facelift and people are saying there's no
scars. They're scars, they're just really good ones. So how tell those ears how the? Facelift is you look in front of the ear. Front of the ear you can. See, she has almost a straight line here, that tragal cartilage that usually protrudes a little bit is blunted and she has a new crease underneath her earlobe. If we look at a picture of her from a while ago, she used to have. Much. Better defined tracheal cartilage with a shadow in front and that's just more natural tissue.
When we redrape the skin, drain a facelift, it tends to blunt that area and with time it can scar down. But she had excellent work done. But yes, this is surgery. It's good surgery and she looks fantastic. Wow. I mean, if I start to look really, really good, do not look in front of my ears. Now, someone in the comments did say she didn't have a facelift. OK, she's 43. It seems a little intense for to have had a facelift, but I bet she's had a lot.
She may have had like a liquid facelift, you know, where you put a little filler all around the outside of your face and it just gives that little lift. Whatever she's done, she looks incredible. She looks like a girl, a young girl. I mean, she looks like she's on her way to grandmother's house. You know what's fucking curds and weigh in her basket, you know what I mean? She's just fresh faced, fresh bodied, looking youthful. She's making Ariana look like a old withered witch.
And Ariana's very young and beautiful. But in comparison to the Dewey beauty of Christina Aguilera, everybody else looks rough. I mean, can we think in wish of a time when I know this is selfish, but can we think in wish of a time when Britney Spears also takes ozone pick and gets a mini facelift and then starts to shrink down to her most beautiful youthful size? And then is so inspired by her own beauty that she makes a huge comeback and we get what we want
again. You're never going to get that fucker, so don't even think about it. In fact, I'm eating a doughnut right now, you dummy. You thought I run Olympic? Watch me eat all these Antman doughnuts on my mouth. I want fuck you, Johnny McGovern. I ain't losing weight for nobody. I look fine. I look good. I wore my Versace dress. I spine. I go to The Cheesecake Factory and I order anything I want. That's what's great about being a retired pop. Star none of y'all.
What y'all faggots want mean shit to me? The only faggot I care about is my buddy good buddy Kate. Cock suck. Isn't that right baby? Yeah, give me the. Calculate in the car. Why? Why are you? Always talking about. Me. That's what I want. To know why the fuck? Why the fuck? Are y'all always talking? About me, I'm so sick of it. You want to face me? Well, the reason why I was thinking of you, we were actually talking about Christina Aguilera and we were thinking,
God, she looks incredible. And not that you don't look incredible still, because I think you do. We'd love for you to, you know, really go there and just live and go and be the thinnest, most beautiful diva of all. You'd probably love it. Think of the dresses you'd fit into the spinning. I mean, I'll do it with you. I wish. I wish that for myself too. Well, that's that. Ain't going to happen for you and it ain't going to happen for me, OK?
You ain't going to do no soccer practice outfit and I'm not doing apes. I did it again. OK, We're going to post it here. And I, we're going to drink weed. Sodas and we're going to show our pussy to the. Guards I I'm not showing my pussy to any guard. Well, I am Hey guard pussy show. You're sure in a good mood. Well, that's 'cause you know what is happening, you know when. I don't actually know what you mean. You know, for what is happening, you know, Hawaiian so soon.
Oh my God, I'm so excited. Three days by the time these mother stupid fuckers here, this dumb, stupid show, probably one day. Two days away. Just four days until Kevin Federline get chopped in child support. Oh my God. That's because one of my babies got in my drama dish, got out of my babies. One of my babies is getting older, so that means less money for their daddy and his other fucking stupid ass kids in Hawaii. Maybe you start picking up some bottles on the beach.
Give it up. Maybe you want to do maybe get some Popo's out and do a little DJ gig out out. Anyway, he's going to have to get a JOB and I love that. All that must be making me laugh. Making me laugh. I laugh so hard that I do a Britney style. Well, Britney, I'm, I'm thrilled he's been sucking money off of you for so long. I mean, what have you been paying him like what, 60,000 a month for so many years? Sweetie, that's a lot. I know and I cannot wait to go shopping with that money.
OK, I'm going to go on Amazon Prime it and get 10 or 1215 dresses to spin in and can nobody stop me? Bye bye sweetie. Now last week we were talking about Tyra. Tyra Banks has been doing weird shit lately. Remember when she showed up at the basketball game and she was harassed by the furries? And she's been selling her smize ice cream. We still have not figured out what the fuck that's about though. I realized smize cream is what it's about. Some ice cream.
So like ice cream, but some ice cream. That's the whole reason for the thing. I don't get it. But look, she paid a post that of course was very interesting and it was, it said special delivery. Let's take a look at it. Tyra's walking down a hallway, knocking on a door. Paloma is, I think, a model of the moment. Tyra's trying to get in. She's a plus sized lady Tyra. Girl. And Tyra gives her reference to Tyra Mail and what's on the back of a Tyra's jacket?
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, October 15th, New York City. Now I know some of you might think. What about we hate Victoria's Secret? Gosh stop. Fuck them. They wouldn't hire the trans model. Fuck them. Well, they we did say fuck them, but much like Abercrombie, which has had an incredibly huge comeback after all of the sexual assault and pervasion of that faggot that was running them for so many years and the stuff of the allegations of racism and all the rest, honey, everybody
just was like, well that's done. Now Abercrombie is bigger than ever in their new woke light format and they fired everybody. Same thing at Victoria's Secret. And of course they reaching out to the girls and the girls, they're going to have plus size and I'm sure they're going to have some of the dolls in this new Victoria's Secret Fashion show. And in fact, it'll be quite interesting to see who of the
dolls is going to be cast. I mean, are we going to, is it going to be Sasha Colby in the Victoria's Secret Fashion show? Will Carmen Carrera finally get her shot? I mean, there's so many stunning, gorgeous dolls, honey, to be in this, you can be sure we're going to get some. We're going to get body shapes of every type, honey. And I bet we're even getting some non binary, more masculine presenting people in lingerie with dangling earrings. She froze, kept. It's that fresh bitch.
I'd be getting that pussy stone set with that wet wrist plate. Bust off and say some crazy shit about something and currently she's after Kesha and Kim Petrus. What the fuck? She says crying to me about his puny ass Doctor Luke like she can't hog tie his ass. Shane is ass butthole up in a glory hole guillotine. Invite everyone to the soiree, put a gerbil up his ass and unload it to Worldstar. But bitches want to play with me like I'm something to fuck with and it's time for new FSSFFS.
Kim Petrus. Oh my God. No, she did not say that. You did it backwards. Of course they gave you the German box face. You need to go to South Korea and let them crack your skull and rearrange your proportions. You look like Hans and Klaus. Know me. You need to look like Sabrina Carpenter. Fix it. That deserves a kind of sound effect. Like whoa. She's not afraid to make major
enemies. As far as we know, she's still voting for Trump. So we can enjoy her, but also be like, girl, come on, spritz the TomTom of Finland, Cologne. Four. Yeah. Well, everyone, I hope you enjoyed the show. And look, do me a favor. Leave me a nice review on iTunes. We are three away from my measly pathetic worm of a goal of 200 reviews. OK, three reviews away. Just write the Falcon review. Do I have to get Britney Spears back here to tell you to do it?
What? What do you want me to say? Write the fucking reviews of this ugly hairy bitch and shut the fuck up. Well, I'll, I'll take it. Thanks sweetie. Canya, please. And look, if you're enjoying me, can you join me over in the Patreon? I mean, the Patreon is where we get in deep. You know, last week, of course, I posted about my dream of my own new of my created of the my dream of the K pop band that I would like to create called
Demon, Twink and baby. I had a lot of fun with the people on Patreon imagining all of the song titles that we would be putting directly on the Demon Twink album. Honey, of course. My my girl. Sasha Fleek. Song title options from Sasha Fleek included for Demon Twink Lip gloss, charm, earring, Yes. Backroom classic Mark Goodwin said Cracked knuckle, Clear waters Passenger Princess was she and Mamma Mia OSHA the heavy loads remix and DUMP. Do you mind bumpers? Mark? You're killing me.
Flow Flow 85 gave these titles tasting like pineapple. Can't take no more Faster, harder shooter. He came in twice, Nutting for Daddy and Double Pee for me. And of course here at Johnny McGovern Records we got a ton of song title options for the Demon Twink album, including Sasha Fleek's choices, Lip Gloss Charm Earring, Daniel Agrosi. Which means Daniel got fat, you fucking cunts. Backroom Hostess. Please Chantal.
And I hate that we had Mark Goodwin's suggestions Demon twink featuring the singles Clear waters, passenger Princess was she and Mamma Mia OSHA heavy loads remix DUMP parentheses. Do you mind poppers Marky that was good. Continue to send me your ideas for Demon Twink songs. I I feel like me and Adam Joseph need to write the Demon Twink album and then cast it with the right signals. I think that's it. What do you think, Bigfoot?
He thinks it's a great. Do you think that once it's picked up by a huge record label, they're going to continue to allow me to be the creative director and give me credit for the whole thing? No, I don't think so either. OK, if you want to have fun like we're having over in the Patreon, just join me. A podcast that made me laugh so hard I cried last night with Crunk in an episode called The Leg of the Golden Goddess Takes Manhattan.
I can't explain why we just called that, but baby, get in. Eric Couture and I are doing a watch along of the classic movie Flash Gordon. Because of course not the boar Worms. We need to see where that's all coming from. Adam Joseph and I just did a great deep dive into Dochi on a listening party double podcast deep dive into Dochies record. So go ahead and join me at patreon.com/guess of all Time Mean. What do I have to do to get you to join?
Have Britney Spears say it. Hey keep the patrons. Kill this shit of fat hairy ass a lot baby. Darn it. God is annoying. Oh, thank you, sweetie, thank you so much. I I'll take it and I'll take all of you. I really appreciate you, love you and see you on the next episode of Gay Ass Fuck. Bye baby. Put the motherfucking money in my motherfucking hands. I mean, Gucci in her body spending motherfucking bands. Right. Suck jigs up. Put your Dicks up. Get your Dicks sucked.
Put your Dicks up. They suck. That's tough. *** Get your rates up for the motherfucking Princess. Now with jizz in it, the soda for gay guys.