Changes

I've been working at this one company for over a year and a half, and I got sober there because I also hit my rock middle of sorts there. And after seeing how things go and seeing how I've grown and changed in my sobriety, I've realized that continuing to work there was a danger to not only my sobriety, but my emotional wellbeing. You know, I'm used to big corporate jobs with sales pressure, but to combine that with a very unsupportive boss, it just became a very unhealthy situation for me.

And it relates to my sobriety because I gave my 30 day notice roughly about a month ago with no backup plan just spending the last month trusting in my higher power that I would land where I'm meant to be. That they will take care of me, that everything will happen for a reason that I have built up enough connections in our area over the past 10 years of doing this kind of work with seniors, that I would find the right position at the right time for me.

And it was hard making that leap of faith, but it did pay off. As of today's recording, I am starting my new job as part of the way fourth family. So I'll be taking my senior living experience and transitioning into a role where I'll be personally helping seniors move from their one home to their next.

I'll be starting a new market in the Sarasota area with unlimited growth potential, but more importantly where my last positions, biggest shortcoming was probably the administrator and their lack of support. I have an amazing and supportive supervisor here. That's some of my best friends, love and trust deeply. So I know I'll be in good hands having a team that really believes in our success. And I'm very excited to get started for. In addition to my day-to-day career that pays the bills.

I also have started leading a weekly night meeting at my 12 step meeting because my 12 step meeting leads seven days a week. I now lead on Wednesdays and it's been an amazing part of my sobriety. Being able to do service and pay it forward to newcomers. I've been helping out with other service positions over the past few months from co-hosting. I'm doing the, kind of the backend and greeting. But this is now like the chance for me to be the face of the meeting of that one day a week.

And it's been just an amazing experience, getting feedback from both newcomers and people returning as well. Just saying that I'm bringing a good energy to the meeting and that I'm giving helpful and centered advice. And. Since it's the beginner's meeting. I've been reflecting back on the first chapter of the 12 and 12. And I figured I'd share some of those reflections with you today. And the one of the first readings I chose from chapter one of the 12 and 12.

We perceive that only through utter defeat, are we able to take our first steps towards liberation and strength? Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turned out to be from bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives maybe. Now I chose this because prior to getting sober, I really considered defeat as something horribly negative. I was not ready to admit that I was an alcoholic because I consider that a failure and who likes to admit that they failed at something really?

However, by admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable, it gave me this. Opportunity to kind of start from scratch and rebuild that foundation, that bedrock that they speak of. And I really feel like that's such a huge part of starting your sobriety journey is just really honing in on that step one. I mean, it's one thing to just say, like I did, when I first came into the room, it's like, okay, I'm powerlessness. Like look at my life.

It is unmanageable. But to also spend more time like diving into it and really understanding what that means That's something that I did my second go around with my current sponsor. And that really helped give me this firm understanding of what it means not only to have defeat and powerlessness over alcohol, but also just to make sure that I understand like the consequences that would happen if I was to drink again. When people have relapses part of their story.

The one thing I hear from them all the time is that they didn't relapse. When they were going to meetings, participate in their sobriety, working the steps, working with their sponsor, doing service. It happens when, you know, you have that little devil, that's always not going to be on our shoulders and it will be forever. That kind of. Like, maybe you could drink like a normal person or maybe it wouldn't be so bad. That's been what I've heard from my experiences at least.

And I know that I've gotten to the point where I fully believe that if I were to ever drink again, it wouldn't be because I think that I'm a normal person that can get away with it. It would be me just sinking into the oblivion, knowing that I can't and not caring because where my life is now and how far it's come since getting. I can't imagine going back to what it was like before.

And another reading that I chose was from the same chapter and it's, by going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized that we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. And obviously being part of the same chapter, they do relate to one another pretty well and close. I know that it is a fatal disease that I have with alcoholism.

It is something that I always say that I hit kind of a rock metal of sorts because. It never like it could always have been worse. In theory, I was able to get sober while keeping my job by keeping my marriage while keeping my home while keeping, you know, most of my friendships and relationships. At least the good ones and, you know, with all of the. Though it doesn't mean that it wasn't getting worse.

And that I didn't see in hindsight what the writing on the wall is like the very first moment that I ever got drunk it was an amazing experience that I kept on chasing, but every single time after that, it got a little worse, a little worse per you know, it was a progressive disease. And the longer that I drank the worse it got, there were periods where it kind of leveled out where it's not like every single time it got worse, but it never got. It only stayed where it was or it got worse.

So if you look at that kind of graph of what my drinking career was like in terms of progression and in happiness, it was less and less with each drink or just kind of wallowing for periods of time. When I was able to say no a little bit better than I could other times, but every time that I drank. You know, there was never enough and I craved it more and more, the longer I drank.

And so yeah, I mean, of course, about nine months ago, I was really ready to admit that I was an alcoholic, but even going back to those first couple of times of drinking or some of the. You know, rockier experiences that I had during my drinking career, I could always see it was a problem from the get go. I was always the type who would want to drink until I would pass out or blackout or be cut off by someone. I never, if I had an bottle in front of me, I would never not finish it.

It just seemed wasteful. And so you know, I was never able to drink in moderation, happily. I was never able to you know, say I'll have two and then stop and have that actually be two and then actually stop. So. Yeah, it definitely was progressive and long before it became a huge problem my life or before I was ready to admit that I was an alcoholic you know, looking back on it, I can see that writing on the wall.

And that's part of the reason why I have to admit that I am powerless over it, that I do have that defeat and. It's been a part of admitting that that's been a farm bedrock upon which my purposeful life may now be built. And I really feel like I've been building it brick by brick and I look forward to continuing it. So I'd like to thank you all for listening. You've been a huge part of my suburban. And building that bedrock.

Please make sure you rate and review if you've found this information helpful. If you're interested in sharing your story on our Thursday episodes, getting involved with the show or just saying hi, please email [email protected] or you can at me at Instagram at gay podcast, and be sure you follow us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Monday and Thursday. And until next time stay sober friends.