“2014 BCS National Championship” with Bert Kreischer | Auburn vs. Florida State

Today we have Bert Kreischer please take my just for a second, to talk about twenty fourteen DCS Championship Florida State versus All Burners.

I'll say this too. I've seen a lot of amazing games, but without a doubt, this game stands out on the largest level for me for so many reasons. One of the greatest football games I've ever seen in my entire life. Game day, wake up early and Bong hits right away as we pull into the Rose Bowl. I am beginning to be as high as I've ever been in my entire life.

You look good. Do you do something with the shoulders? You have really good shoulders. What Games with Names is a production of iHeartRadio and Welcome to Games with Names presented by I win Bet. And on today's episode, Boy, did we have a special treat Jackie? Did we not?

Oh?

I think we gained a friend.

We may have gained a friend, an actual friend, someone that I could probably text. And we had Burt Kreischer on here Boy to talk about the twenty fourteen last and last, I mean by last BCS championship against Auburn in Florida State, which Burke went to Florida State from the Rose Bowl in the Rose Bowl of Pasadena. Still haven't been there, live in La. Want to go so bad? We should do a field trip Jack.

Oh my god, I am there.

Baby.

He has so much insight on this, this this game. You're you're gonna be amazed. His crazy, fun filled day party buses, party bus, best friends, other comedians. I mean, the stories that this guy gives. This was a three and a half Was this a two and a half hour podcast?

I mean this could have had a two be continued in it. This could have been a two parter. We could have gone on for days.

I mean, my my podcast coach told me, He's like, yeah, yeah, you need to learn how to get out quicker, and I was like, I couldn't. Burt just wanted to keep going so fun. It was very fun. We get into his life at FSU, which is I just learned as an epic party school, and he is like Van Wilder, who's based off of We Go in the Tails from the Road as a stand up comic.

No, those are wild.

We also get into Tim Tebow and his circumcision skills.

It's crazy what they let you do over in the Philippines.

It's nuts. The magic of the Rose Bowl. Honestly everything and this game kind of kind of twist pot twist. It was awesome. I can't wait for you guys to hear. Make sure to check us out Games with Names on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and TikTok at Games with Names. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts. Comment a game you want us to do and rate and review. I'm a poet and I didn't know what Jackie smooth. Games with

January sixth, twenty fourteen, Rose pol Stadium, Passidina, calif.

Auburn First, Florida State, Destiny First.

Perfection Down, four seventeen seconds left. Jameis Winston drops back.

This is the twenty fourteen BCS National Championship.

Welcome to Games with Names, Bert. This is a podcast that we go over the greatest games of all time, the Gog, the greatest of all games. Today we have Burt Chriischer.

He nailed it, Burn nailed it.

I nailed that one. Yeah, well we all know him. He hosts a bunch of things. Two Bears in one K. Burt cast Something's burning, Star of the Machine. Go out and watch it. I just saw it. It was awesome. So let's jump in to.

What are you up?

What are you up to?

Right now? Right now, right now, oh, right now, right now is an interesting time in my life. I'm I'm getting ready for my tour. My tour starts September fourteenth and runs. It's the Top Soft Tour, Top Softwall Tour. I just wrapped up, fully loaded, fully loaded. I take. It's a festival I run, I own, and I'd take twenty seven comics out out to like eighteen cities. We get seven tour buses, we get seven semis, we bring our stage with us, and it's just a party for

That's got to be so fun because I've been introduced. You know, we did this show a lot with Sam Morrel and he's kind of, you know, injured me a lot to the comic life, and I'd always go see him at the Cellar and there's always comics and anytime you probably have a bunch of guys that are super great friends and you get to go work together. That's gotta be like, that's gotta be awesome. It's fun because

It's like, yeah, it's like a locker room.

It's your locker room.

It's the best man. And and then you get to watch them work and you're watching them do the material and you watching them murder, and you're like, wow, it's really cool. It is.

And what people don't realize, like just being around you guys are constantly thinking and working. Yeah, like your mind. You guys are always dropping jokes in front of each other doing something or or like when I would be around Sam, he we'd be talking about something and his mind would be going to like Sam doesn't stop. Yeah, he's Sam does not stop. I could make that a.

Bit, you know what I mean.

It's like, and it's crazy to just how smart you have to be to be an actual comic, Like people would think that people are just funny, but like the storytelling and bringing something up in the beginning and then telling your whole story, cutting into jokes and then bringing it back like it. I have so much respect for you guys, just being a fly in the wall watching a lot of these guys perform.

Oh, thank you. Well, I mean Sam's obviously, Sam is probably the best joke writer in the game right now. Everyone knows that. A tell says it. Him and Mark Norman they're good friends. Yeah, they're the best, I mean the best. Sam's amazing. He uh, but yeah, you're right, Like, like right now, I'm getting ready for top Soft. So I'm doing weekends out in ox Stard and and nights out of Oxnard and and I'm just trying to and what's interesting as well?

Oh why ox Nerd. I'm sorry to cut you off, because I literally I just drove the coast literally a couple of days ago, and I drove up there, and you can drive it to ox Nerd and the cowboys are there. What's an ox Nerd?

Ox Heart is beautiful. It's like a secret. It's like, first of all, I mean, I like to doing standard there because it's pretty working glass. So it's it's like it's like performing in America. Yeah, so i go up there for the weekend and then I'll do spots at the I'll do like an hour and uh. But yeah, like it's crazy that when you talk about thinking, it's like, right now, I try to focus on a word a

Do you do you do something with the shoulders? Shut up, you guys, what are you talking about? Yeah? You have really good shoulders. What I mean you're a baseball guy, you must are you in the TV's a little talking. You have good shoulders.

Look, I mean.

They're bulging out of there.

Thank you very much. I do a lot. I do one seventy five on strict press.

You're seeing the results, you know, for your little kids out there. You want to see results. You put one seventy five on the straight press. You can have some shoulders popping out.

I'm working out pretty hard.

Right now, and so you look good. I'm dead serious. So yeah, so I'm eating and I was at Keto.

I love it. It's just me, dude, I'm pretty much. I gotta be honest with.

You and Butter. You can eat butter. Butter's in fuck up Butter. I put her on steak like I about cholesterol. About cholesterol's good.

I'm I'm on a torvestat and so like, I don't need to worry about I got no blockage in my heart. I'm like, I'm for a guy who parties as hard as I do. I am super accountable with doctors. I go to the doctors every six months. Doctor guy, I go, I get my I get. I don't like it. I got.

I'm getting a kolonoscopy in a week.

You might like that. I told him keep me away to the front side too, spit roast me. Boys.

So yeah, well, you know you're seeing the results, and it's good that you keep up with your health. I mean it's been crazy because as an athlete, I mean it's been outrageous. I've been retired now going on three years. This is two years going going into my third. And you're so accustomed. You have the best doctors around you every day. Yeah, yeah, anything goes down. You know you're like, we got right dog. We got the ear doc, you got the foot dock, you got the knee doc, you

Oh. I was with Joe Coyle last night. I was like, I was like, how often do you go to the doctor. He goes, I have never been, And I was like, well, you can't never go. I was with j There's a great actress. Name is Jake Johnson. He's an awesome actor. I had him on my teep my cooking show and then I was like, hey, my trainer's I'm a trainer coming tomorrow. You should come work out with me. And he's like, hit me up. He's drinking at that time.

I mean ship that's where it is cross training.

He goes, I go, you've ever been to the doctor.

He's like no, I've never been. And I'm like, oh, you can have a heart attack right now, Like ye, that's what is the age that it happens. Yeah, it's yeah, you got it. There's so much technology out there, but we got to get back into this is we're talking docs, we're talking too. I want to know about your cooking show, but we'll get into that, come and do it. I

Yeah, I have. I do a cookie show. When I bring two guests on, I cook them a meal. Well, usually we drink and uh do you drink? Oh yeah, you drink. Yeah, dabble show. It's Sam. Well, so we drink. So we drink and we just fucking laugh. And I just try to cook a meal and they they've usually turned off good. But I've had some stinkers. But uh but yeah, I uh.

Jordan, what you missed? The shots you don't take? You sometimes you got to take a How hard is it do you think you get Jordan's autograph? I got a Jordan story which I've I've told it.

Me, tell me, tell me.

We're playing super Bowl twenty fourteen, and uh, I go to you know, you have the night off on Friday, you can usually take your your folks out. The week before the Super Bowl, I took my folks to dinner. I went to go see him. And I roll up and I see Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan, and I'm like superstarstruck. I'm about to play in the Super Bowl. And I go up and you could tell Jeter is a very charming guy, welcoming. You know, I go, mister Jeter joined up and I'm playing the Super Bowl. I

I'll say this to you. I've seen a lot of amazing games. So I was at the bucks first win at the home stadium when I was a child. I guess the Chiefs or I think it was the Chiefs or whatever. I think it was the Chiefs. I was at that game and they stormed the field and they pulled the goalpost down, and I remember watching that as a child. I must have been like seven, I'm guessing maybe eight. I remember watching that. I was at Florida State ninety six when we beat when we beat the Gators,

What made you go to FSU?

Why?

Why are you such a big fan of FSU? You grew up in that area, up in Florida, and you either went to Florida, Florida state.

That was it? Now Florida was like cool?

What about Miami?

No one went to Miami? No one went to Miami. First of all, First of all, I say this, I will I would gladly talk slanderous about Miami. Uh, but uh, it's a really hard school to get into. Yeah, it's like a private school. And so like it's a good it's actually a really good hurting that. Yeah, and so, but no one went to Miami. People in Miami, that's who likes Miami people. Everyone in Miami is like where univers of miami'stuff. They never went to Miami. They support my

I mean, in.

You want to talk about like the greatest moments we've ever had in our lives. So I do do the Arena of Florida State. Sell it out, and before the show, they go, we want to present you with something. I'm like, oh, they're gonna give me a doctorate, right, cap and gown. Here we go, Bill Cosby style. They give me the spear. They give me the spear, and they're like, and they don't know how much it means to me. And I start sobbing, crying. I go up in front of whatever,

Dude.

I mean, I love deon Sanders growing up and so Florida State and then Miami with what they had going.

Oh my god, the Miami team.

Florida. See when I was a kid, Florida wasn't as big in that ninety era it was, it was weighty, and then no one really went like eighties.

There were big nineties. It was UF in Florida, Florida State, State in Miami, Florida State, Miami. Those games were epic, I mean, and there was so much animosity, like the it was, it was done. I loved work done. He went to Florida State, worked On. I sat next to him at graduation, DG. I sat right next to him and I and I've been ridden up in Rolling Stone and he was going to play for the Bucks. And he was like and worked On is a very sweet but quiet man.

Yeah.

And he was like, you're the party guy. I said, yeah, see you go to the box.

Huh.

He was like, yes, I grew up in Tampa. He's like nice. I said, if you want to, like, if you want me to introduce you people in Tampa, like any of my friends like party and stuff. And he looked at me, he goes, nah, it's all I talked to is all I talked to work. I've never spoken to him since.

Now. When you watch, I mean I clearly know when you watch the game. Do you like to be at a bar? Do you like to be by yourself? What's your what's your game day environment? What's the game game day routine? Because it's changed, Let's go back to this time two thousand and four. Let's go back to like nineteen ninety five.

Oh, game day ritual, game day wake up early, wake up early.

Did you go to bed with like the cleats on or something? No, no, no, no, no, no, we partied, don't all night? Partied all night standard?

Yeah, uh, wake up early and uh and bong hits right away, like right away, bacon bank, waken bank. Everyone got just casual high. And then you'd run errand's like, all right, we need some kegs. We got h Are we gonna make Are we gonna have any food there? Yes? And I was. I was in an organization called Scalpunters, and so and I was like I was in college so long I was on the I was on the

My parents think I have a lot of friends.

Can you guys join in for a group picture and just pretend you know me?

And then I mean, like we would. I had so many because I was funny, but I didn't know how to do stand up. So I would just fuck around and have a great time at those games and man, and then I'd always leave a titch early. I'd always leave it like I always be like we got it, I'm out. And then I stayed for that Florida Florida State game, and I was going to talk to you about that once. It was one of the funnest games I ever went to. We stormed the field, but we

Rival game, it's a Stormer. Yeah, but so how does that How is that different from you know, twenty fourteen. You probably got a little couple of Benjamin's in your pocket. I buy, I buy four tickets, four tickets.

I buy two and find out they're in the end zone and like fuck, So then I buy and so then I buy, I buy four more, so I buy six total tickets. I reached out to my buddy and all my buddies I grew up with like that, I went cool with. I was like, Yo, you're coming to my town. We're partying. So everyone hits up. We're like cool, We're gonna meet at a hotel like the Roosevelt or something on on sunset. We're taking a party bus with a bunch of old amba kais. These guys are like

Tom Is that the guy you do the gift exchange?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and so.

Yeah, I mean you have a Hitler tea cup. You know, this is a pro Jewish podcast here, We're not we're anti canceled guy, of course, But like, how big is it? I have never seen it? Seriously, I'm very interested. And do you dream? Have you ever dreamn out of it? Is it big enough to have like a Lipton's like iced tea bag in there? Is it like a very properly nineteen forty is a steel genocide type steel tea cup? It's steel, it's steel, it's metal.

So we tried to break it. You can't break it. You got to melt it down. My daughter was like, I want to melt it down and turn it into a butt pug for a gay black man. I was like, you're getting off the internet now. So so, yeah, Tom is the guy that spent twenty grand on Nazi mambilia. Yeah. So I invite Tom to the game and I say, listen, I got two extra tickets. Are in the end zone, sip Tyler. I'm gonna sit with these guys I went to college with. He's like cool. I was like, we're

You want to feel it alone.

You want to feel it. So like this is my moment to feel it. Like I get to go see people and they're.

Like, ah, in La in l La comic carry out here, you got your boys from Florida.

No one knows Cigar Sagura's not famous at all. No one knows Cigara and.

You're going to the fucking Rose Bull National Championship.

Is the best. And my dad's a huge sort of Florida statement and he's in lovely Jamis Winston. So we get we get on the party bus and Sigura says to me, you want to take an edible? And I'm like, fuck yeah. There are these things called cheebachuw's back in the day.

I don't think they make them anymore, but they were strong as fucking shit. Well early day in the edible like you never knew what the do scene was gonna be. They got a dial nowadays. Yeah, but like back then, you could take something this big and you don't know where you are.

Tom bites into half, gives Eddie takes a bite of it, and then I take the rest. And as we pull into the Rose Bowls, I am I am beginning to be as high as I've ever been in my entire life. Like I'm I'm beginning to like now. Footnote. Tom Segura is one of the funniest dudes I know in the world. In a very low key way. He's very subtle. His sense of humor. If you know him, he is hilarious without anyone else seeing it, just you and him. Eddie, my buddy, Eddie, is the funniest guy in the world,

From your Instagram?

Oh? Yeah, Okay, I'm a fucking idiot. This is I mean, okay, don't no, don't look at any of these pictures. Now, take them off the screen. Take them off the screen, because it's a good story. So I'm having a real come to Jesus moment of like, this is it, man, I made it. I made it. I'm married, I'm happily married. I'm on travel Channel. I show it's getting renewed for

James Winston, dude, Heisman crabs stealing Jamis Winston, this fucking guy. I to this day.

I root for him to this day. When the SATs played there, I was like, come on, man, that's my guy. I love that guy. He went to the box.

He's rootable. He's like he's a likable like you know, like you don't agree with a lot of the things he does. But for some odd reason, he has a like liability to him.

Yeah, definitely, I have in the same way.

When I see him play, I know he's gonna do terrible, but I always want him to do well. I felt the same way about Tim Tebow. I loved Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow, by the way, he was on our team. Oh there's our team for a training camp, and we had this guy, Nico Kudovidi's first day, he's got he was the guy that held court in the locker room, this greet guy from Connecticut had the Italian accent though, And the first day Tebow walks in and he's he he gives ship to everyone. Yeah everyone, Brady, look this

Sorry, that seems like a hobby circumcision.

Still yeah, still doesn't It seems odd to do like he circumcises. I mean it's I'm circum juwe you know, we like that clean and I don't understand what he's doing, but that's.

It feels like it should be illegal.

I mean, it was all for the good cause of keeping infections out of these young boys. I think that's what the root of it was. So Tibo was.

T bowing as we walk in this now that we're talking about Tim Tebow. As we walk into the Rose Bowl and we've had the best time ever. Games an't race start. As we walk in, Tim Tebow walks by, and my buddy Eddie Fernandez, who's die hard Semon and goes Tim Tim Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow tries right, and Tim Tebow goes on. Fuck that guy didn't say that, but he's like just keeps walking, so like everything is clicking. We are laughing. We are just laughing hard as fuck.

Is claustrophobia Austria.

Yeah. And I'm just like, man, this is tight. And I remember Sugurl's like, I'm gonna split up from you guys, good luck in that tunnel. And I was like huh. And and I'm already getting pushed into it, and Eddie goes, this is fucking crazy. We couldn't get out of here if we wanted to. And then I'm like, well, here we go, and and and and it. We are in this tunnel for like the national anthem. I mean, it's just it. I start spacing Legend.

I don't know I was in the tunnel, John Legend. I was in the tunnel.

It was you didn't even get to see Y didn't see I didn't see anything, didn't see anything.

We're stuck in the tunnel. Were stuck in the tunnel. We kick off.

I don't think we saw kickoff.

We were stuck in that tunnel for the first half.

Because we get up, we sit down, we get I get I go uh Now there's some space. I'm gonna rundown.

I'm gonna get hot dogs, I'm gonna get beers.

I got everyone. I was like, nice, I love stadium food. I loaded up hot dogs in my pockets, hot dog everything, mustard, catch up, relish, yeah, everything. I wrap them up. I put them all in my pockets. Hold, I've got big pocket.

You've put you know, locks, bagels.

In there, I got. I got hot dogs in every I got two in each spot front pocket, two in the back. I got hot dogs for everyone. I got a pretzel, I got peanuts. I got cold beers for everyone. I got everything. I am locked and loaded. Take them back up and we start partying. We start partying hard at fuck are you watching the game at this point? Oh? Yeah, I'm watching it, but we're starting to it's not going great. No, So we get to like we're laughing and I'm so high.

This coming from the high that you just had that I'm having the best day of my life.

I'm having a Now I'm having a panitake in the suddle, and now I'm going my moving forward to my moving backwards. My friends are like, we should party harder, let's go harder, and I'm like, yeah, I got a fight in the morning. And they're like, where I go. I'm going to Zurich and they're like, oh, shot the fuck? I go, yeah, I go hell of skiing. So I'm watching the game and then all of a Sudder're down twenty three to twenty one to three.

Twenty one to three second quarter.

And my daughter calls me on my phone. She's like, kick, what ear is this? Twenty fourteen. She's ten years old, my old start Georgia. She goes, hey, Daddy. I was like, what's up? Here's what are you doing? I said, I'm with Hatterman and Eddie and we're watching a football game. She goes, oh. She goes, when are you coming home? I said, after the game, and she goes, what time is that going to be? I said, probably like midnight. She goes, well, can you wake me up when you

Goes, dude, fake, dude, this is fucking crazy. This is fucking crazy.

Come meet up with me. Let's get a beer.

This is insane. I want to be next to you.

And I'm like, I'm in an uber. He goes, what. I go, Yeah, I'm in a nuber. Why what's going on. He's like, dude, we're coming back. Kind of went what we're coming back? My wife calls. She goes, you're watching the best game of the fucking as entury. I go, I'm on, I'm in a new bro I'm coming home. She goes, what you fucking idiot, You're coming home. You're not seeing what's happening.

And I'm like, motherfucker, oh fuck, oh fuck.

I was like, hurry up, get me to a bar. And the guy's like, there's I can't stop anywhere, man, I can only take you to where you said you can't change it in your app. I'm too drunk to change in my app. I'm like, fucking go, go, go, I get home. My wife goes, they just ran a touchdown, a fucking a kickoff back.

I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? My daughter's like, Daddy, jump on the trampoline.

I'm like, God, fuck herself, You're fucking ruining this for me.

I could be at this fucking game.

And so the last picture is me sitting with my family and my man cave, fucking missing the greatest game of my fucking life. Oh, you left the game. I had to write up. I ended up here. I couldn't be happier. I left the fucking game to go fucking home to spend time with my family, and some girl will never let me live it down. He goes, you missed one of the greatest football games I've ever seen in my entire life. To hang out with people you'll spend the rest of your life with.

You pulled to Wohlburg. No, No, Jack, Wohburg didn't. He didn't leave early twenty eight to three. If you're been in one of those, you've been in a luxury box. Yeah, do you ever eat those chili fries?

Oh? He shot himself.

He may have. He may have. He had to get out of there. And it's also you know, in those boxes, it's probably tough for someone like you gotta be on. You don't get to enjoy.

It sucks when.

You're I retracted, I attracted.

Sorry Mark, You guys have great fucking research. Just for the record, well, yes, yes, I would want to party with Kim Jong un. Is that what this is? No?

This is we go back to January sixth, twenty fourteen, and we like to just talk about the pop culture of what's going on. You have two daughters, so you've seen, oh, Frozen with the number one movie Frozen. I have a six year old Oh yeah, yeah, and so she just hit the age now with like she doesn't want anything to do with Frozen because it's little kiddy. Now do you have that stage? Is this normal? Like she doesn't like pink anymore. It's once she went to school.

Oh god, I fucking hate other kids. They fucking creep in. They really did to a pure human and they ruin her. And then they go like they'd be like, uh, you know, there's no Santa Claus. And then your daughter's like, hey, dad, Sally said that there's no Santa Claus. And I'm like, oh, Santa Claus doesn't visit divorce parents. That's why Sally doesn't know Santa, and she's like what. I was like, yeah, yeah, they couldn't keep a commitment, so Santa doesn't care about him.

I'm getting that too already. You know, what's your name? You know, I don't want to say, oh, what's her name? Said, Santa's not real?

Oh dude, I fucked my kids up so bad. So when they were probably like twelve, maybe eleven and nine, they put a GoPro on the mantle. I watched them Christmas Eve, so so uh, I go, what are you guys doing? Then, like we're gonna catch Santa. And I was like, Santa, that's pretty slick, guys, and they're like, Dad, he's not gonna know. There's a go bro. He comes out of the chimney. We're gonna have him. And I said, well, good luck. So they go to bed. I leave the gout,

And then I let the rest of the tape play out.

And so that night Christmas dinner, George's like, we should see if you caught Sannah. I was like, good call, good call. I go. I'll upload it to my computer. It's already been uloaded. I already edited it all out. So I pull it up. I put it on the big screen at my sister's house. I go to see what we got, guys. And so now the whole family's round. My parents are not aware how iMovie works, so we play it and sure shit, I mean, the dogs didn't move.

I go, I guess he is real. They're like he is smarter.

Dad, Oh my god, we gotta tell everyone, and they mom Nana.

They go into the kitchen and my dad goes, is there is there Santa real?

I go, you know, Dad, it's me.

He goes.

He goes that, why the fuck did you do that? I go, I just edited in the program. My sister's like thirties. He goes, he had it in a program. Yeah. My tad goes, oh, buddy, I think you might have just fucked your kids up. I go, what and he goes, he goes, that's and he goes, I'm fucking seventy and I'm believing in Santa right now. He goes, And I go, is that was that a bad idea? And he goes, yeah, you gotta tell them there's no Santa right now. And

Oh my god, that just gave me so fifteen and vaping and what you just said with a six year old. We'll be right back after this quick break. Games with Names is brought to you by win Bet. Win Bet brings the excitement of win Las Vegas and Encore Boston Harbor to your phone. Join win bet today and bet with the official online gaming product from Wind Resorts. Whenever I'm back home in Boston, you'll catch me at the Encore sportsbook or on my win bet app. Of course, let Jacks at the stage.

Oh should we run through these teams real quick?

Let's see it Jack?

All right, So we got Auburn team of destiny this year. They'd beaten Alabama, like we said earlier, on the kick six Chris Davis runs it back one hundred nine yards. They beat Georgia on a Hail Mary prayer. They've been three and nine the year before, Like no one expected anything from this Auburn team. Uh then sure enough they beat Johnny Football in Texas A and m I just him.

I've been texting with him.

What would you watch this?

I'm told, Uh, yeah, I was. It's really interesting. I have a lot of thoughts about it because I've watched people quit comedy, like quit and be like it's not for me. I can't wrap my head around that. Yeah, I was upset. I'm obsessed with comedy. I'm obsessed with comedy. But I watched him say you no, I never he never watched any game tape, which is astounding.

And like it was apparent yeah yeah, and when you watched him play, yeah, and the league at least yeah.

And I kind of find that fascinating, like that he that he was like, I don't want to play for pro football.

Yeah, that I was a guy that had to go the long way.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't given anything. So a guy like me in theory looks at a guy like him and says, that's a complete waste of life. And and to see what the mental struggles and everything that he went. I watched the doc, and you know, I I feel better for him, but like that whole situation. You know, I saw him once too. I just won a super Bowl. Johnny Football, big league me, big league me. I'm like ever since then, I was like, f Johnny Football. Yeah,

No, no, It happens in comedy and I say that when I say, like, I don't think there's anyone.

There's probably people that don't know me, that don't know.

This, But like I, I earned my way into arenas, like I worked my way. I didn't. I wasn't giving it. I wasn't the guy written up in variety of magas. I mean now I am, but like I was never the top ten comics to watch. I didn't get rid of Kary. I've been written up in everything now But like.

I did the cover of Spirit magazine really twenty fifteen, no big, no big, Do you have fainted fingernails?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah you will. You will to get ready girl, dad to the core and so and so like, but I understand that. And I watch comics who get given everything who they just are like I don't know for whatever reason they got put in like the cat bird Seat and now and everyone wants them. And then when they get ready to do a Netflix special, they do like, yeah, I did a couple of weekends, I'm going out. I'm doing like a month. Do When I get ready to do a Netflix special, I go out, I start. I mean,

Like and you know, like and you see the struggles that he went through and all that I mean. But there's also like my grandmother was a single grandma with three deaf kids in nineteen fifty five, with five hundred dollars and bills and three hundred dollars.

Your family's deaf, My.

Dad's Yeah, my dad's brothers and sisters are all deaf. Is different deaf, No, they have different dads. Where did you grow up again? Bay Area?

Oh? For real?

Redwood City?

Yeah, oh, Redwood City, okay, Yeah. I used to do stand up a bunch there. Yeah. I always remember the exact names of the places. But Sacramento in San Francisco. There was a guy that owned the club in Sacramento. So there were these great like outdoor parks, outdoor like amphitheaters all around there, and so we did them all around there. Yeah, and so that's when I first started. I did a lot of shows up there.

Yeah, it was. It was an awesome place to grow up.

I loved it.

Yeah, you know we had the Niners. Like you were talking, you only had Florida State growing up. You didn't have Tampa. We had Niners. We had Barry Bonds when he was Berry Bonds.

With the fucking size eight and a half head.

Dude. He would see one pitch a week, and it'd be in Willie McCovey cove one pitch a week.

Did you get recruited to play baseball anywhere?

No?

Really? What position? Did you play? Short?

Really? I broke my back my senior year playing football, No baseball. How'd you break your back over use? I had a stress fracture in my like L five just from swinging, taking cuts, swinging for the fenders. That could happen. Yeah, shows you how bad my swing. And then I quit and healed up, and I went to College of San Mateo to play junior college football.

Really, you played junior college football. I didn't know that could work.

It does.

That's crazy because I remember hearing people stories of people going to play junior college football, and I was like, they'll never And then you get you.

Got there's a community of us that. I mean, Ocho Cinco went to junior college. Who else?

Jack Tyreek Hill?

Tyreek Hill. Really a lot of bounce backs of a grades. Aaron Rodgers went to Butte Oh really Yeah. In northern California is a huge junior college like football program thing going because a lot of the guys it's such a big state. There's a lot of guys that get overlooked, like Florida. Aaron Rodgers from up He's from Chico. He's from up north, like three hours north of me. Like Chico State, you know, Chico State. Yeah, Chico State was fun.

Fun.

We gotta get back Jack, where are we?

Let's let's run through Florida State real quick. Yeah, just to give some shine to the Noles. This team twenty thirteen season.

Look at the score in say just.

A wagon average margin of victory forty two points. Got Jamis Like we said, Jalen Ramsey. This was the Jimbo era. Brian Stork yet red Lightning even the ball boy was famous.

Yeah, red lightning. I remember red lightning. You got the light in his face? Are you good? I'm perfect, right, I'm perfect. I have beautiful blue eyes, you know. What that tells me?

What the Lord's watching me?

No, that the keto, the shoulder workouts, it's creating a presence in confidence.

I'm in a good place right now. I feel very good about myself. I feel very alive.

You so you're moving forward.

I'm moving forward right now. I actually, actually last night I felt like I took a step back and I got I got held up by it. Yeah.

I was high last night too, though, and so I was like, California sober.

Oh yeah yeah, mushrooms and weed. Yeah yeah. I can only reason I think I'm not drinking is just to lose weight.

Yeah.

I was thinking about smoke, going to joint when I got done here and drive it through the hills. But then I was like, I should be sober for the ride. Yeah, why did you pick a living here? I was just curious.

Uh. I liked the west Side west Side vibes.

It's really beautiful.

It's nice. It's I got a six year old. I'm in a cult de sac. It's nice, you know, like I got some yard. I fell in love with the house. You know, it's it just I lived in Brentwood. I lived in Brentwood like ten years ago. So Brady. The reason why I lived in Brentwood. Brady, you know, had the big, mega house that he sold a doctor dre No. I didn't know about it. Well, he lived in Brentwood like ten fifteen years ago with Giselle, and they built this insane home and then they rented this other house

I love this area. It's funny, especially like when you're because I lived I've lived here for almost like twenty four years, and I've been poor here, I've and I've been rich here, And it's funny once you get rich and you realize you can live anywhere you want. Yeah, you can live anywhere. You start driving around own places and then you start going, oh, I actually can't live anywhere like you because you can live in the valley. I can live in the valley easy. I have a

Yeah, and I was like, holy.

Shit, Like I can't live here, like I can't live anywhere around there. Yeah, it's I'd love to live I'd love to live in Malibu. Like if my wife and I if my wife gets hit by a car and like and I have to figure it out. I'll move to Malibi. I'll sell everything, moved to Malibui, kill the dogs.

You know, Malibu. I would love to live there too, but it's just you know, I'm co parenting, so you got to be semi close. Yeah, and that's like you can't deal with that traffic, dude, I'd be traffic. You gotta like if you live in Malibu, you can't you can't leave Malibui. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm cool, which is great. Yeah, but like you know, I haven't child.

I'd be such a great co parent and not like full on parent, like that's kind of what I do anyway. But like I get the I get that, like the Moniker of like a full time dad, I would be a great divorced dad co parentings. I mean, it's so normal now, it's it's normal. Like when I was a kid, it was like, oh God, he's got to go with

It's you know, do you want a different situation? Yeah, of course you do. But like it's exactly what you said. Like I grew up with a mom and dad that were together. My dad was always working, my mom was raising us. Like when I have my kid, I'm making her dinner. I'm doing all the things my mom used to do with me. You know. So I've put it's

But it's crazy too, But like because I think about like I'm thinking about you driving a lot, driving over here, and I go, so I remember when you started the podcast with Sam and I was like, oh cool, and then you popped up I don't know, I'm sure you know this, but you popped up a bunch lately, like on in my feet, random and you're really good on Mike. And then I go, oh wow, how cool to be in a situation where you get to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life,

It's awesome, it's unbelievable, and those guys are on a whole other level. But it's also it's also tough, you know, because you love doing this. I love doing this. I love going out and talking stories and that's how we started this podcast and looking for the best game and all that. But I've been a creature of habit since I was eight years old, where I've had the same schedule. You get up, you go to school, you practice, you come home and do homework. The school was substituted with

Every realize do you realize zero?

But it's hard because now you know, how do you like in my child? Now I'm around with my and that fills my void of where my heart is. But I I was like a mercenary for fucking fifteen fourteen years. That like my body clock like at the like right now, like i feel like I'm late on in shape for the season. I feel I already have the anxiety, you know, and you know, now you get to do whatever you want.

So what do you What does your day look like like? Do you work out in the morning.

Yeah, so I'm when I had like, so this morning, I'll wake up at six because I have my daughter. You know, I have my daughter Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'll wake up when I have her. I wake up at six. I've always been an early bird. I'll let her sleep, I'll make her lunch, I'll make her breakfast. Then i'll wake her up. I'll get her clothes out, dress her, do her hair, and then I'll go take a dump

Yeah, that's kind of yeah.

But then I have like a completely like where I'm not with my kid and it's a completely different life. Do you have friends yeah, like out here, Yeah, I was out here for like, oh you were out here for a while in the off seasons for like since two thousand and ten. Really, yeah, so I've got a lot of friends out here. Yeah. That's interesting, it's fun. That's crazy.

I can't imagine you're thirty five, thirty seven. At thirty seven, I just started working for Travel Channel. Yeah, I just started working with Travel Channel. I just had I'd had like my kids were babies. Babies. God, man, your life's gonna be so fun.

Hey, it's been great, you know, but I have like I have this whole thing happily miserable. Like it's like I need to be in a miserable mindset because anytime, like I remember in twenty fifteen or we just won a Super Bowl, I was that year and then the going into the next year, I'm sitting there, I just bought my condo in Boston, I'm redoing it. I'm sitting

I got the same fucking thing the second I The second I sit and smell the roses, can't I start sneezing, And so I'm like, fuck this, And so I look at like like, uh yeah, I think it keeps you hungry, and I think you know, people always go bert your They always say to me, when's enough enough? And I go never, never, and and they go can you maintain this pace? Yeah, one hundred percent until I die, And one day I'll die. And if I die doing what I love, then I'm a happy man. Like I love

A Hitler tea cup, like my Hitler teacup, Okay, that's a good thing for you, I guess, and for a lot of people it's.

Yeah, yeah, well.

It's cool memorabilia.

Well, when I have you over on the cooking and said we'll have tea and I'll put five cups out and you won't know which one.

What is that? Like sushi joint and you get the wasabi sushi? Which one has the masabi in it?

Oh?

This one genocide on it.

But like like when we bought when we bought our last house or current house, I I felt I couldn't really enjoy it because I was like I was like I was like, yeah, this is and my wife's like we did it, and I'm like, no, stop, but that we haven't done it yet, Like you didn't do ship, like you're fucking kicking your feet up for you should be fucking finding carpets and so but like I couldn't find I couldn't get comfortable in it, and I didn't

We're in La right now. You know, it's a grand theft out of right here. It's like the video game. I see a police chase, so I see people getting pulled out of cars regularly, Like, yeah, I drive a Tesla.

I thought you would have gonna drive a truck.

I'm not a truck guy.

You look like a truck guy. Yeah, it's a beard. I didn't know you were Jewish.

Yeah, you have a bar mitzvah? Not really really?

No? Is your dad Jewish? Your dad? Oh? Your mom? Is it?

So? Technically do I just talk to someone about about that yesterday? I just say it, but you know, to put it in your terms? You know, you know Hitler? Well, I mean Hitler would kill you if you had one grandparent Jewish. So technically Hitler technically was Jewish. But I think it was his dad. So then he was like, I go by the old rules. No, no, no, no, no, just the mom has to be Jewish. No yeah, no, I practice.

I speak with my rabbi and ship, do you really badass?

Rabbi Hamilton he's me and my dad will hop on a call with them every Friday for real. Yeah, it's good learning experience.

Who was I just talking to you yesterday? Who's Jewish? But it's his it's there? Oh uh oh Greg Warren? Yeah you know Greg Warren? No, dude, he is so fucking funny, is he. He's got a new special called the Salesman. He is just old school and I know you'd like him. I haven't heard you curse yet. He doesn't.

Really, I swear I say all the time, but you say f like you you definitely. I'm just feeling the vibe out, Okay. I mean I think I already. Yeah, but that's is that, that's that's usable.

Yeah, oh hardcore yeaheah, yeah, I mean I don't. I don't. Yeah, I've been saying it for I've been saying I was saying it when you weren't supposed to be saying it.

Yeah, I was still saying it a lot. It's very English though. It's like the English people use cunt a bunch. Yeah, it's like a real bad English.

It's that That's where I picked it up because I was hanging out with English guys.

They always say that ship.

Yeah. We did coke in South Africa once and I and it just two things. I don't I like they when we did coke, they were like, do you want to get sorted out? And I went, well, yeah, sure, I don't know what that is. And then they cut a line of coke. I was like, oh shit, I guess I'll be saying that for and then uh and then uh, and then they said cunt and they got stuck in my mouth and I can't get it out.

All right, let's get back to the sevens. Jalen Ramsey, Yeah, what, he's a stud. They had a lot of big names. Yeah, Davante Freeman. We played him in that twenty eight to three Super Bowl against the wings of the Atlanta Falcons two years after this. Really he scored a touchdown Rob Nikovich, didn't keep the edge, Rob and then he I think he scored two touchdowns, didn't keep the edge, and then it was a running back out in the flat.

It's like, you said, how you remember that?

Well, you were like, just like you were saying, you think about the ticket sales you don't have. I think about the shitty plays that we didn't make. Really, I don't think about like everyone asked the twenty eight to three, Oh that catch. I think about the third down and I dropped, you know, coming out a halftime.

I think about bad sets all the time. Yeah, it's and like mistakes. I think about conversations I have with people. I was just fighting with to girl, not fighting with him, but like arguing about a dude who was a dick last night actually was a cunt last night. Yeah, And I told Sigirl about it and he was like, yeah, fuck that guy.

Yeah, the mistakes, you think about them, Like like when I watched this game, I think of Jamis being Jamis in the first half.

Yeah, you know, you got the fumble, not.

Really executing, and then the second half becomes famous Jamis stealing crab legs. But he steal So what's that story?

You know that?

Yeah?

I think here's the deal is there was a big hookup for our athletes at our school.

So like they would come in and they would know someone there and the guy was like, you know, take fucking crab legs.

Put them in the thing. I didn't see anything. And then there would always be some snitch dude who grew up in Tallahassee who had like like, this is my city. No one's gonna fucking I know, the sheriff who probably was like no, I don't care who you are, and so they raced arrested him. I think Jamis Wiston was like, hey, the guy kind of gave him to me, but whatever,

Hernandez, We played with Jermaine Cunningham, I played with t Bow. We had them all. Yeah, there's always we always had a pipeline of like the best talent, you know, you Belichick, you know he was close for like three years. We had a lot of Florida guys, and then it went to we were starting to get the saving guys. Really. Yeah, it's weird. We had a lot of Florida guys.

I would I never believed. I know this sounds crazy, but like even when it was proven, like there's certain things where I go is the is he getting railroaded by the media. This is what Aaron Hernandez.

Yeah. I mean there's a stick of bubble gum in the murder weapon and it didn't look good. And they they had yeah, they it's is it an ongoing case?

I think it's. I think he was like, I'm done.

Yeah, he's well, I know he's gone.

Yeah, he's gone.

Yeah, I know.

I don't think he's terrible.

He was actually, I mean it was sad.

We're looking dude. If Aaron okay, if can I ask a weird question, If Aaron Hernandez doesn't kill that dude and doesn't go to prison, do we get Kronk?

We don't get me?

Oh for real?

Oh yeah? The year he so there is a glass half full in every case. No, that's a terrible situation for all parties. But I did do well off of it, Honestly. That year Hernandez gets arrested, Gronk breaks his back. Yeah, they signed Amondola. He got hurt. Danny A Mondola, Oh shit, I remember him. Yeah. And then they're like, and I was there. I didn't have much stats or anything, and they didn't want to give me the keys or anything, but they had no choice and then I took it and ran.

It's yeah, literally, it's crazy to watch someone you'll never maybe you'll see it, but like to watch people pop, like like where the name just comes up, like I know that I'm probably saying this wrong. Is it Cooper Cup? Cup, Cup Cup? Like I was there, We were when he was first started playing for the Rams, when when they came here, and I remember not knowing much about him,

Then athleticism and get them up. No no, no, no no, they're not doing that. They're just dancing.

And all of a sudden, one dude goes, oh, that guy can fucking dance, and I'm like yeah, and then you realize, oh, he's gotta be the best answer in the world to make it as a guy on a chick. All these chicks are phoning it in with their tits and their ass. This guy's in shorts and a collar shirt.

Like fucking bring it, bring it, bring it.

And now we're like, step up your game, ladies. Your jobs are not safe. I'd rather watch a bunch of dudes out there giving their all than a check like I never worked for anything. And cheerleader like and these guys and that same game, we were like, dude, these guys are badass.

Cooper cup male cheerleaders just they they went off at the same time. I always remember that, I know Coop. I just saw him. I went to the training camp practice recently. Really, me and Coop used to run routes together over in a Golden West community college. Really, yeah, he's a stud.

That what you guys call getting tail what running routes at the bar.

Now, I think he's Mormon with oh, shut the fuck up more and Jack, I'm like Mormon.

I love Mormons. I fearless. They're fucking fearless.

They're fearless. And I have a lot of Mormons in my life. One of my agents and Mormons. You know, I had one of my body guys. Was more like, Mormons are like the nicest people in.

The world, the nicest people, and you can trust them because I'm getting fucking wasted. No, I've been. I've been. Don't give them. Don't give them a caffeine though. Oh and don't give them and they go definitely side you as aax. I don't a problem with xanax or pills. Yeah, and and I've been kicked out of three Buffalo wild Wings all in Utah. They got it.

They got a standard there. Do you not allowed to stand up and drink? Did you know that? I know it's a dry city area.

Oh yeah, if you stand up, if you stand up with a drink, stand up with a drink, You're out of there. Gone. The first time I didn't even realize what was happening. The second time, I was like, let me see if this worked again. The third time, I was like, fuck him, I'm standing and they can do what happens.

I recently I went to the UFC in Utah. It's their Salt Lake, it's it's cool, is awesome, and it was a lot more diverse than I thought it was gonna be. Oh yeah, a lot of Hawaiians, dude, there's a lot of well, a lot of the Polynesians are a lot of.

A crazy fit. Like that's like, that's like colonialism at its base. Like you think, like because everyone preachers against colonialism, you think they'd be like, oh man, we should go back to our old shit. Yeah, but yeah, there's my fucking trainer is Polynesian. My trainer's Polynesian and she's a Mormon. Yeah, it's it.

I mean, we'd always have because a lot of the a lot of the Poli's they went to College of sam Teo, my JUCO, and they'd becoming a JUCO at like twenty five years old because they had to go into missions and ship.

You know what I mean.

They're really about it. They're really about it. Great people.

That's crazy.

But now, so we would go over the games. So you you didn't see the fake punt.

Didn't see anything that was good.

You didn't see.

All I saw was a sucking And I gave up and I went home, and then I sat on a trampoline with my daughter's jumping, angry and listened to my wife cheer for the game. And then finally I was like, let's just go in and watch the end and then we all took a picture and I had to post I am so much happier here than there. And then I got on a plane and I went helleskiin the next day and almost died. Hello skiing, and then and then and then that was, and then I jumped off.

Are you like a really good skier?

No?

No, you just jump out a helicopter.

Yeah, we were. I was snowboarding and the the guy was like, and we went up to like I wish I knew exactly the hype. I was like ten thousand feet thirteen thousand feet. It was up by Materhorn. And the guy's like, Okay, I'm gonna put a homing track in device so we can find the body. And I'm like what, and he goes, cares you fall in a crevss or go off a cliff. We want to find your body. And I was like that, I didn't think it was as serious. He goes, oh, it's very serious.

Goes, you should see a sound guy.

And our sound guy's upside down skis kicking gear everywhere.

And I was like, get us off this fucking mountain.

And so yeah, that was trip flip and then and then uh yeah, we jumped off a cliff. It was all Switzerland. It was a fucking I spent the night in an igloo with a Saint Bernard. I was sleeping and I slept in an igloo that week.

I mean that's only fitting. Yeah, yeah, that's what you used to see his cartoons.

It was a beautiful saint Bernard Jack.

Did we did we miss anything? Because I mean, we can't talk about the game. He was in a cab the whole game, and that was probably we're going to talk about him. He missed the whole game. But other than that, it's a sneaky, really good National Championship.

It's really a great right now.

Jamis Winston comes out and shows everyone why he's the Heisman, show if he winner. Yeah, it was last BCS game.

I've heard really good things about it.

What it's the last BCS game?

Oh for real?

The playoff game in the next year.

Oh ship Man as.

Far missing anything else? Cooper Cup not a confirmed Mormon. Not I don't know why. I'm that really bummed me out. I've never been just as super Christian. Oh well those are my words.

Not cooglar Christian.

Yeah, not quite as fun.

Yeah, no, they have.

Yeah, I'd rather hang with a Mormon than a Christian because at least like.

Like yeah, because Christians drink. Oh yeah, my wife's Catholic. Oh they they do the wine.

Well yeah, most of them are alcoholics. Catholics. Catholics are pretty bad. Go to Boston.

I lived there for oh that's right. Yeah, go to Boston for fourteen years. Thirteen years in a great talent.

Can we uh. I'd be remiss if I didn't read this quote. Also, this is from the Orlando Sentinel, bringing it back to circumcision talk. This is from Tim Tebow after his trip the first time. I gotta say it was nerve wrecking. Hands were shaking. This is real, This is real, serious Orlando Sentinel. Hands were shaking a little bit. I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do these kinds of things in the United States, but these people really needed the surgeries and we needed to help them.

I guess he doesn't have a steady man as a surgeon.

You're making the I'm not making Tim Tebow.

And they said he also assisted in a few dental operations over there, So I mean, it's just wild West.

Dude, TMO.

I'm telling you, TiO is, hold on on my vacation perform surgery. I might go there too.

Distracted me to somebody. I don't think it was a vacation. I think it was a mission.

Hey, what are you guys gonna do today?

Oh?

I got a fucking I got an amputation too. I'm a cut of guy's leg. Off, it's Gangreen, It's fucking they let you do anything.

To count here.

Can't do that?

Like that sounds crazy? Why what are you doing? Well, we're gonna go to dinner and then late night there's this kid as Tibo went after him, but he couldn't catch him. So we're gonna see me and catch him and cut his cock.

Oh is this? What city is this? Oh? My god, island?

It's Thailand or no, Philippine, Philippines.

He goes to the Philippines.

Dude, Netflix, if you're listening, I want to do the same time as Special Joe Coy did in the Philippines. But I want to go down and cut everyone's cock and then come back with a necklace of foreskins and just be like I'm their leader and a way, you know, I mean, you do something so much in the day you have dreams about it. You know that Tina has to have dreams. I'm cutting little boys cock. He wakes up his wife's mike, what's about it? And he's like nothing,

Oh oh okay.

For Philip peanut Kin, He's like, who's the fucking celebrity.

Cutting my cock? Can we get a doctor in here? The fucking I don't get a ship about.

The Broncos, get a fucking doctor to wash his.

Hands and cut my cock? Is that if Tim Tebow? I don't know who you are, dude, I'm pretty sure he had gloves on. Pretty sure he had gloves on.

Oh my god.

Yeah, it's you can't make this stuff up. I mean, but he's I cannot make this up. He's that's he is. He could be Jesus. Tim Tebow is Jesus.

But it's like, out of all the things they need, They're like, Tim should give him money.

He's like, no, no, no, what else? He's like, what about? Like food?

He's like, keep going, keep going. I can that they'll get that. Oh, these kids run circums. What did you say? A lot of these kids are on the circumcised?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, stick on that one. What if I cut their cocks?

I'm like, well, it seems a little.

Selfish to him, but I mean, they don't really need to be circumcised. He's like he should be right, And I was like, well you're saying that.

We didn't say that.

He's like, how much for me to cut their cocks and they're like, are you gonna pay us? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do it that we can buy all the food and stuff. Oh. I feel bad because I know that this happens to me where someone mocks me and it's so fucking hilarious. But when it happens to you, it hurts. And I know Tim Tebow is gonna be on his farm in Jacksonville's.

Like, hey, man, I love Jules's podcast.

I had the pcs's Florida say I can't wait to hear this, and he's like sitting there hitting a tire with a hammer. God damn, I was trying to cut their cocks for good reasons.

He's on game day, I think, though I don't think he's on a farm.

I do like to imagine he's a listener though.

Yeah, Tim, yeah, I would love to know who you're I would say he's probably not. I mean with Sam last season, I mean he we're not really good with, like the real true.

Kurt Warner and Sam do yeah get along? Confirmed?

Oh wow?

Yeah Kurt Warner. You know he's a very man of faith, man fear of God.

That's the thing.

Sam opened up with a dick beating joke. I think we're jacket jacking off.

We were talking about dig vermial crying and jerking off and something, and he just he just put the blinders. He like acted like he didn't even hear it.

Yeah. Not even Kurt Warner would not like me.

It's a great guy.

I bet he'd be like, he'd be like sure, man, Like I bet he'd have one of those faces like remember the first time he saw two dudes kiss and you were like, I'm gonna look at something else real quick. I bet he'd look at me like that. He'd be like, uh great. So, uh yeah, I was shelving groceries and then they call.

A fl though he went to the a f L. Then he went a FL before after groceries.

Let me do Iowa Barnstormers AFL not that arena.

Oh really.

Did you?

Yeah? Professionally where Avengers. I played for the Avengers. It was for a TV show.

Uh.

It was one of the one of the bigger mistakes in my life. Uh the I was a quarterback and uh it was it was called a TV show called Herbert, And so the coach was like, you know, I'm sure you know, coach energy of like, I'm not fucking around, like I understand you're paying us to do this. What do you need real quick? And the producers like, we're just gonna have him be a quarterback. And then you know, they'll sack him and he'll try to run a pat run a play and they'll they'll get him over the

He goes, this is the fucking reason you don't start. I don't need any of you. This motherfucker better leave on a fucking stretcher if you want to keep those helmets and keep that jersey.

On, do you understand me?

And then some black dudes like you fucked up, man, And I was like, oh god. The next play I'm blindsided from behind, knocked unconscious. I got so you can hit it type in type in Herbert football. I got so fucked up, and I got a concussion. And at the end it's like you can tell them concussion. I'm like, yeah, that's me on the floor. Yeah, and I just got fucking worked.

No protection, not knowing, not taking a hit blindside.

Oh, no protection. How young I am. I got a ton of hair though. It was a physical game. Yeah, arena, it's small space all right here, So the next the partment, keep it there, keep it there. This is all of a sudden you and then I heard you punk. This is me just kidding, little man. Yeah, you get I think the I think the blind side's coming up. The crush. You know, that's solid contact with I've never look behind my voices.

And clear. The weirdest part is when you get hit from behind. Oh yeah, that's definitely a concussion. Yeah you went helmet back of the head, yeah done.

Yeah.

And then at least you didn't break your back, yeah, because if you would have went lower, you would have you would have had some vertebraey damage.

Yeah. Yeah, you were skinny guy there. I was the shoulders That's where I met my I was I was, That's why I met. I was in the spinning class. The Yeah, I was doing a lot of spin classes, a good cardio back then.

But I'm not like jacks like I am now. The I then I was a professional. I was an mm A fighter for a day. I thought the gracies. I got choked out. I was a bull.

You want to fucking to type in Herbert Rodeo clown. This is the worst. This is this is this, this is what it got me to quit the show.

That's something I will never.

Course.

I broke my foot and broke my ribs.

Just crashed. Breaking your ribs sucks, do isn't it? Dude?

Can the sleeping sucks? You know? The key? I broke my ribs a lot. The key to sleeping on broke ribs is lay on that side. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you were going he's crazy, So you're gonna come to my cooking show? I'm down. Who do you want to do with? Whoever? Yeah, you name it. It's usually better if you know the person because you can hang out with them. If there's someone you like that you're like, oh, I'd like to do that with that. That person we can do it begainst that it up.

Do I have to have like a name right now?

Nope?

Can I think about it in marinate?

Yeah? How about Sarah Silverman.

She's Jewish, is she?

Yeah? She's awesome. Her sister's rabbi. Yeah, yeah, she's fucking awesome.

I've heard, I've heard, and I mean she's funny as fuck.

She's really funny.

You could tell a behind scenes. She could be a fucking killer. I bet, like as far as like joke telling. Oh, she's like she she keeps it on the meter of like where she doesn't go real.

Her last special is so good, her last I watch a lot of specials because I have comics on my podcast.

And you're you're pretty much in your scouting.

Yeah, well I want to make sure I'm not stepping on anyone's material that too. Yeah. I had a really great joke. I had a really fucking great joke I told the other night. I got high and I just it just came to me and it was so good and so perfect. I'll tell you after the podcast that I fucking texted at my whole group, all my.

Friends, just to put it out there. Someone takes it.

I was like, no, I went, does anyone have this joke? So sometimes you'll tell a joke on stage and it'll be so perfect you're like, hold on, hang on, one second, is that someone else's joke? And then they'll hit you up and they're like it's a Patrice joke. You're like, oh fuck, And so then you gotta get rid of it. I texted everyone. I texted Mark Norman, I didn't text Sam. I texted Rogan, I texted Segura. I texted everyone, and

When you found when you find a good joke.

It's got to be it's got to be what it feels like for you when a ball would land in your hand and you'd pull it in and you'd be like, oh, I did it now.

I think I think for me it'd be more like route running. Yeah, like when the guy when you kill guy out. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, because that's

Mine sounds a lot simpler, but yeah, what do you mean? Like you just stem him in and he gives you a look. I'm like, I'm already like, I'm so confused by playbooks where like uh, molly three inside powder, Uh, let's troil the bullet with a three five runner runner Runner.

Rangers fing to zero slot, ride one thirty four f bo ice alert ride one thirty four gap. That's one play and what does that mean? So there's a pass and a run play. It's a check with me type play. Rangers is the personnel group, So that's telling everyone who they are are in the huddle for the skill position, guys. The thing that's telling a type of motion to the formation. So zero slot is the formation, zero is the original formation. Zero out brings the F out here, slot brings the

So when you when you would hear those in a huddle, were you just looking for your words? Now, I was there for so long. It was in the same system, so I knew so like he could he could tell. I could tell by what situation like if it was

You know, so if you're like really putting the time in, you could like finish those sentences.

Jesus, that's insane to me. That's insane to me. That's something I enjoy.

Like I talk with the boys because you know, there's taka. You know, I've been working with like an acting coach and stuff, and potentially want to go to I want to get in that. You know, It's something I've always enjoyed. But the one thing that scares me the most, even when I'm working with my acting coach, is remembering your lines because you don't want to be the person on set that doesn't know the line. I get it. It reminds me of like not knowing the formation.

Oh really, yeah, but you already have that brain. You can memorize.

Yeah, but it's different, yeah, because you know the concept.

Well, I'll tell you this acting is very different once that it's been blocked out. Like to read sides and an edition is very different than doing it and I can barely read. I'm really bad at it too. Yeah.

It's it's like when you know, when you were a kid in like class and you had to you guys were doing the reading around class, Like I would sit and I would do math on when my like five sentences were yeah, and I'd sit and practice that sentence those my my paragraph, like I thought, and I would still fuck it up.

Jake Paul is the best out loud reader I've ever seen in my life. I got a sign glove wreck there. Oh no, I'm sorry, Logan Paul Logan. Logan is, I've never seen Jake read. I'm gonna see him read. I'm going to Miami and do his podcast in a couple of weeks. Logan Paul can read out loud like a motherfucker, like a nerd, like when the nerds would read and you'd be like, fucking yeah, but wait, pe.

I worked with JB. James Brown on Inside the NFL the last two years and like just watchings like those guys off the teleprompter and how they'll throw in a couple of their extra own little ship. Yeah, like how the fuck did you know? Where you go?

Where do you go?

How do you get back to it?

How do you get back to it?

He throw in something it's fucking crazy.

It's eyes disconnect. Yeah. I I well, the first time I ever read prompter, I thought that I had to go at his speed. So we fucking tore through it and they're like, you're reading really fast. They're going to you and he's like and the guy's I'm keeping up with you, buddy, And I was like, oh sorry. I was like, oh, let's go slower. Then he goes good call. Yeah, I'm not good at I'm not I'm not a good out loud reader. I'm dyslexic, so i'll like read like. I had a joke about that the other night. My

Bringing this full circle, This game was on January sixth.

Are you serious?

Totally serious?

And that's what we call a callback. Everybody, thanks for watching. My name is Burt Kreischer. This is Julian Edelin. I hope you learned stuff today.

This is games with names. But we got to score the game. Score the game. Presented by win bet.

Oh oh for real, Yeah, we.

Gotta score it. This is a huge thing on TikTok for our following presented by win bet.

Is the Night is the two thousand? Look, that's how bad I am? Is the twenty fourteen BCS National Championionship the best game of all time.

Let's score it greatest because it's dog You know, we all talk about the goat. Yeah, greatest of all time. We're looking for the dog, the greatest of all games.

Okay, the dog stakes. What does that mean?

The stakes of this game? It's national championship. I mean it's a zero out of ten, right jack.

Zero out of ten? So high stakes here.

This is high stakes.

This is.

So we put a ten. It's the high stakes you can get.

I can't argue with that.

Can't argue with that, I guess you sure, so you think ten, ten out of ten?

Well, old school BCS undefeated season. You look so many, you look so many of those BCS championships and everyone lost one.

Yeah, but I'm not saying anything but the ACC. Yes, they had Clemson that was ranked three early in the year.

Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying. It was a little bit. It wasn't like it was the SEC or the PAC ten.

There is no PAC ten. It's gone. There was, Yeah, I know, but it's just not even I grew up PAC ten fan or PAC twelve, whatever it is, and it's gone. It's completely gone because of selfish people of those organizations that are running that thing. Stakes. You think ten will go ten, ten, We'll go ten star power.

Not as high as you'd think. I would say, well, considering I'm obsessed with the the team out of Miami and the two thousand what is it, two thousand, two thousand and six Gators? Is that the one that Aaron Hernandez was on. I'm obsessed with the fucking the Ponzi Twins, like I'm obsessed with Yeah, I'm obsessed with those two. Those two teams make and then and I started. I had a team that was like William Floyd fucking uh Charles, Charles, Charlie Ward, Like, I mean, we had such trading.

Back up Charlie Ward was back up Arlie.

No, he won the Heisman.

You might be thinking of Charlie Batch.

Charlie Batch, what am I doing? I'm a I'm an analyst here on Fox, coming back with you with all the best information.

You should get prompter? Can I can I tell you? Can I tell you my favorite thing in the world? Okay, please do this for your Instagram. Get a Prompter's very simple. You put it on an iPad, you put it up under the camera and it reads the camera. And you should practice prompter that you don't know what you're reading, but you should read it. With ernest and sincerity, and

Can we steal that and use it as a new segment on Games with Names?

Please? Yes, please? It's a great it's a great like and I love chocolate Banana's my favorite thing about chocolate. It is just something bizarre that they find on the internet that you then have to read verbatim and try to and really sell it. The thing about prompter is when you sell it, when you really sell it, I mean, you know what I try to use, and you gotta add lib a little James Brown in the middle of it.

You gotta throw in and I and I love vacations.

Everyone knows I love game cases and that right fellas anyway, a chocolate banana when I school like, that's a new segment you should do on this show? Is I love practice prompt reads and you just start just and by the way, Fox will fucking love this and go, hey, guys, it's your boy Jewels. I'm getting ready for the Fox season.

The oh wow, bound cow.

Yeah, you like weird punctuation.

Unique York, unique, New York unique. Yeah, uh, star power, We're gonna do that.

Fuck you, San Diego.

A large wooden ship? Was it that? Uh? That's Anchorman.

I've never left harder at a movie. When he goes, so, there's a new thing on the street called crack cocaine, and we're gonna try it.

It's pretty good. That fucking movie for me, my one of my favorite, like just die It's also my age gap super bad.

Oh dude.

The opening line when they're talking about the porn scene and how their mom's gonna find out if it sounds too much like a porn site to the credit card charge. I literally remember having those conversations with my I was crying. I was a date in college watching that movie, crying the whole fucking movie, perfect crying website.

Yeah. When he did the thing in home ac He's like, no offense, this is a joke class, No one cares about it. He's like no offense. She's like, that doesn't mean when I think you think Jonah Hill is the fucking if we're talking about run him through this list. He is the fucking goat.

I love that Jonah Hill.

I love that dude.

Yeah, he gotta work on his relationship problems. Star Power we out of ten.

I'm gonna say seven.

Seven Famous jamis Benjamin Cody Parky, the guy who had the double doink. We had the Long bros On for real, the Double Doink Chicago. Yeah, we talked about he missed a field goal in this game and they.

Lost by three. He comes back to bite every time we go seven seven.

Gameplay gameplay ten such a great game. We're just throwing out ten's like.

I know ten, it's it's it's it's a come from behind. Look that's what that's why was it? The largest watched the game?

They just come back in BCSGMB.

I just said this to my daughters. I said, I wish you were boys so that you can understand what you're seeing right now. I understand you don't care about this, but I need you to be present because what we're watching is everything I love in life. Everything I love in life. I go back to the fucking the Dolphins versus the Chargers on Monday Night footballs. Do you remember that fucking game where they carried Kellen Winslow off. I sat next to him on a play in and I said, sir,

He ran it back. Shut the fuck up. Shut When you start hitting strangers.

Dude, that's like, uh, that's like it's like, it's like the movie that we were talking about earlier. It's the movie where you go shut the.

Fuck up.

Will Fear. And I'll be watching that tonight.

I hope you're doing. By the way, I'm getting your phone umber you're texting me, and I'll be texting you guys by reads hell.

Yes, all right, we got ten ten on gameplay. The name. What do we name this game? What is the name of the game.

It doesn't have a good name.

It's not like The Choke and the Doke, No, it was.

It was just Seamus's last run.

Love that Seamus's last run. So what do we name, Like on name name of the game. That's gotta be low. I'd say zero zero because it has no name to it. It never got a name. It never got it and it's just an underrated, sneaky great game.

The last it.

Should be something to do with, like the last of the BCS.

It should be all right, it should BECs should be initials for what it is. Best College sang gr Yeah something.

I don't, are you sang grea guy?

I'm an anything guy.

Sangria gives me hangovers. I just the sugar content.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I try not to funk with too much sugar. Thet this, yeah yeah, look at this. These are all the games you guys watched.

These are all the games we've done on the podcast. Oh who did who did Shawn Michael's versus Brett Hart?

We did? We had Sean Michaels, Oh for real? Yeah, he was like oh, he was like I don't know. We could do our own games. Always show you some tape from high school Yankees, Verus Red Sox. Goddamn it, that was a fucking I would I would argue though. I watched that in a bar in Richmond with Gary Goleman from from Uh. We watched that in a bar. It was right after last Comic Standing and I just had Georgia The The better of that was. Do you remember the Yankees during two thousand and one, right after

Have what's What's what sport? Does he like? What he likes football? What's his team?

Uh? Florida State?

And but uh, but I was Tampa. He likes Tampa.

I like Tampa. I think I think he's gotta be I think he's a Cincinnati fan.

Cincinnati.

He maybe Denver he went to like he I don't know, he just loves like he can talk to you, he can talk to you about football, uh like really clean, like he'll he'll know prospects. And I'm like, don't pull up this guy. He's a fucking savage. This guy's fucking look at this six eight. So they got stats on him, like he really.

Is in football, Like we gotta we gotta get him on.

Yeah, I'll give you cigars. We've had him.

We've had some cool guests. We had Brandy Chestain to talk about that woman's World Cup when she took her shirt off for real. Yeah, we had a big Poppy went talking with the Socks and the Red Sox. We had Peyton on when he threw having touchdowns. I mean, who else have we had? We had Mike Bibby. Oh, I used to love Mike Baby, I love Sacramento Kings. Yeah, talk about that whole.

Thing, dude. Jason speaking of Randy Moss, Jason Williams and yeah, and he was Jason Williams played at Florida so like he was our he was our guy. We loved him, and then he went to the Kings. That's the jersey, first basketball jersey I ever purchased by myself, was a Jason Williams Jersey White Chocolate. That do you remember that commercial of the two of them playing sports together and you're like, what a great fucking commercial.

My dad heard a story about Jason Williams dad tying his right hand behind his back and making him dribble with his left and did it to me. My dad did the same thing, but put tape on my mouth. Yeah. I used to just get a little backhand.

He was like, you, you're still good with the mouth. Use your eyes.

We got the final score are tallied up here. This one clocked in at a six point seventy five. Having no name kind of sunk it. So yeah on our master list. That settles us. Right in between the Texas Texas A and M game where Ricky Williams broke the college rushing record.

Wow, we had him on there.

It was all he's cool, and right in between the the nine Western Conference finals Kobe versus the Nuggets, that was what we had. Kenyon Martin on Kenyon Martin.

There's there. Do you think the do you think do you think there would be riots in the street if they outlawed football?

Depends on what street you're talking.

Not in La No, not in La.

I'd be like, you go anywhere in like the South Midwest?

Yeah, football football? Do you go to the Rams games at all?

I haven't been to a Rams game. We went and watched him in training camp though. This just to kind of, you know, I got I got a new one of my old coaches, Nick Kaylee over there now, so like that's how you kind of go and see those games. Like usually I'm watching the games at the house. I mean you gotta I gotta see all the content. Oh yeah, you got it's work and then that's work twoday. Yeah, well now it will be. I used to go it

Yeah, that's the one down like by by September eleventh.

No, it's it's in Hell's kitchen over on like fifty six on the West.

They going good morning football.

Yeah, good morning footballs.

That's not the yeah the uh yeah, I go to one game a year. I used to get season tickets, but then I was like, I don't want to go to every game. I'm just giving away tickets. I just I really want to enjoy one game. So I get like a box and then bring like twenty people.

If I I'll go if like the Patriots came out, I wasn't able to do that, but if you know, I think my recording day is done pretty early now. So I'm the first show. So we're the eight o'clock show. So I'm done by like nine thirty ten, so able to hit maybe an afternoon game. Ship.

I'm not home. I'm on tour this whole fucking fall. I leave on the fourteenth, I don't come back. I don't come back until after Red Rocks. I leave on the fourteenth. That I'm gone for twenty days straight, twenty five days straight.

You're doing Red Rocks.

Yeah, I want to come chat.

I want to come check that. What is it on a music?

Do you like?

Huh?

What kind of music do you like?

I like all music.

Do you ever heard of a band called Goose?

No, you're a Goose guy?

Hardcore hardcore? And so we're going to Red Rocks this year. I perform. It's me Ja, Big Jay and Dan Soder. I'm bringing those two guys with me inside of sounds by performing on like a Tuesday or Wednesday, and Goose is per forming Friday. So we rented out a whole place and we've and I bring everyone. I bring everyone. So if you want to come, let me know. I got spots for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking.

It's a Tuesday. I would love to come check you out. Yeah, I've never been to Red Rocks. You've never been to Red Rocks.

When you perform there, it's the different experience because you come in the back. You have total access. You see the rock. Everything's the rockets in the green room in like you're you're they build a place around these rocks. They did not move the rocks and so there's like a huge rock in your green room. There's great catering, there's booze, and then the and then the show is amazing.

Big Beatles Guy. Yeah, Big Beatles Guy named after Julian John Lennon's son and Julian Lennon. Oh for real, Hey Jules, Hey Jude.

No, but that's what he wrote it jewels.

Yeah, that's crazy. That's a good one.

Hello.

Hello, this has been fun. Man, it's been it's it's been awesome.

Dude.

I can't I can't thank you.

And I didn't expect you to be this cool an we're talking about Like I knew you were cool, like I see you on cliffs stuff, but you're like a pretty easy hang.

You are too. I've been a fan of you for a long time. I never got to we've never really crossed paths or anything, but you know, I've been watching you on social and it's crazy how that social you just see it, you know what I mean?

Yeah, Oh, it's crazy how you know someone so yeah, like I like, you end up knowing people that you've ever met. I remember you telling that machine story before the movie. Yeah, a bunch.

I told him a bunch, all right, yeah, and then I was like, this guy's made he's made a movie.

It was a pretty cool experience. It's it's been Uh, yeah, it's crazy, like you do know people that you don't know at all. Like I feel like, like, and what's crazy is you'll take like, uh jokes at people that you think you know but you don't know. And then like cause I made jokes about Tom Brady like just because like thinking he'll see it and he'll get a kick out of it.

Like what, I don't know, what's your best Tom Brady joke? But no, just.

Like like I called out Mark Wahlberg, he did a video where he's like he's like, he's like, hey, don't get past this video.

It's four in the morning. I'm tired.

I could put my head back on the pillow, but instead I come to the gym. No one shows up, Big Joda and show up, So what do you do? You go out? And so like I just do a video exactly like him. I'm like, and so I think Tom did a video and because when he was playing in Tampa, I'm a Tampa fan. Yeah, And I just would do whatever he did back to him, thinking one day he'd be getting a massage scrolling through Instagram.

I'm sure he doesn't do that, like' just like, oh, well, he'd be surprised. Really, Yeah, he doesn't seem regular. He doesn't like So when I first got in the league, I was the first kid on on social media. In the locker room really two thousand and nine, twenty ten, Yeah, like no one had like all the older guys, no

Don't get it.

Seems like he's very disciplined. But every night before we had the same ment like menu regardless of where you were at, because we would stay at a hotel, even for home games, they'd always have chicken wings out there. The lineman would be sitting there putting down like sixty wings, and as soon as everyone would leave, Old Brady would come in up after his little fucking his little quarterback meeting. He'd look around and take like two wings, dip it

Oh I know what I did. His sister, I think I think came to one of my shows. Yeah, I think she married to a friend of mine. Yeah, and so I knew him, and I think I don't know. I always do it playful, like I called out I called out Schwarzenegger one time. He played around like it was always fun. But when he played for the Bucks, I used to kind of like call him out, like, yo, Brady, I got it, Like I was doing that with with Baker Mayfield. I was like, I expect a lot out

I mean, the Buccaneers have a lot of talent, dude.

You look at their off the receivers with Mike Evans and Chris gob and Chris Godwin freaked me out. I was at Super Bowl and he came backstage. It was a bunch of people like uh and and we're all sitting around and he comes up such a nice kidd. He's with his wife and he's like, I just want to thank you, sir for you know, letting us back here. And I was like, that was a fucking child. I was like, it's good to meet you. And he was like, I said, did you have a good time. You wanted

I go.

Chris and he goes yeah. I go Chris Godwin and he goes yeah. I go shut the fuck up and I geeked out all over him and he was like he was like, He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're a Bucks fan. And I was like, and then I have his number. I texted him every now and then, like if I ran into him again. I did a thing for the Bucks. When they unveiled the new jerseys, I ran into him and Mike Evans and Uh Levante David Yeah, and then uh and and Mike alstart. Dude, he's the

He goes, Derek fucking Brooks knows who you are. Derek fucking Brooks, he knows who you are.

I go down. I just sold nineteen thousand fucking tickets. You don't, I go, yeah, there's a lot of people know who the fuck I am.

Dad. I was like, but Derek Brooks, Derek Brooks.

And then we go out and Mike but dad, Mike fucking all Stott knows you. Mike all Stott, and then Wade Bogs He's like, Wade Box knows you. I go, Dad, he was in the fucking box. Do you think he was just there on accident? Then he got drunk and stumbled into a fucking box. I go, Daddy's at the fucking show. I talked for an hour and a half. Next time I come back, I'll tell you the time Will Smith wanted to have sex with me. It was great doing this. Thank you very much for having me.

Kind of jam bandysh Yeah, I love I love jam Bins.

You know you like the Dead? I like the Dead. You're gonna love Goose.

I love that.

I'm gonna be the guy to turn you onto Goose. I'm gonna I'm gonna send you the playlist we're gonna get what's it called the prompter reads. I'm so excited for this show. I should be I feel like I should be like a like just be one of the guys at the desk.

Can I do third mic.

On this show?

It could be whatever you want, third microe. I just sit in.

I'm gonna put on a costume so like no one knows me, and then you come in and then I'll be like, I'll be like, Shawn Michaels would be like, so I think we should watch the Shawn.

Michaels Brett Hard thing.

And I'm like, kind of seems like you're pumping your own sof up ball and he'll be like, and You're like, he's new here, he's new here, he's new here. I'm like, who the fuck's the guy with the long hair and the mustache. And I'll be like the.

Machine, Yeah, all right, get me the funk out of here, dude.

I'll talk to you all day.

I thank you very much. I appreciate you coming on the podcast. Games with Names is great. Hanging out with you.

This is great. It was really great. I wish I only wish I was dipping.

Boy. Was that an episode? Jackie incredible? Love Burt, love him. I mean we could have gone another three hours easily, easily easily.

We gotta get him back in here.

We gotta get him on again because he's got a plethora of knowledge for sports. As we just saw, I mean he didn't even watch the game. This is like the high of his life. He loves Florida State, grew up in that area. That's his school. Dad's a big Florida State fan. You leave to be with the family. I mean, can't knock that though. Thanks again, though, Bert. We gotta get him back on here. That's been another

What's your snap?

See you next week, Jackie. Games with Names is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.