Although the titular trap is mostly forgotten until the end, it does indeed trap witches. Or ghosts. Or the ghosts of warlocks if you're being specific. But not well. And technically it vacuums them up. So, although this may have the same director, same villain, and same premise as the Witchboard movies, I think of it as really more of a prequel to the Luigi's Mansion games. So grab your beeping ghost-vacuum, the heart of an evil warlock, and drink down your favorite jar of cremains with neander...
May 29, 2020•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 70
When failing stock broker Brian hits rock bottom after literally failing at every aspect of his life except being hot and having a hot wife he decides to take stock tips from his creepy occultist landlord's ouija board. After his stock purchases lead him to murder a loan shark and his goon, he tries to destroy the board, it electrocutes him, and hijacks his body. Now it's a wacky race against time to get his body back. Join Matt, Tristan, and Nargor and his Cult of Fertility as they dissect the ...
May 21, 2020•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 69
After a Ouija board (or for copyright reasons, "Witchboard") falls out of the closet of her new loft apartment, accountant and aspiring artist Paige becomes obsessed with solving the murder of a woman who's spirit is stuck in her building because she might have been murdered there. That's cool and all, but I guess all you really need to know about this movie is that there's a scene in which a wrecking ball kills a hippie and demolishes her microbus. Join Matt and Tristan as they get progressivel...
May 07, 2020•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 68
When stereotypical frat douche Brandon whips out his ouija board at a fancy dress party, no surprise, it brings the festivities to a screeching halt faster than if he'd started playing that one Everlast song on an acoustic guitar. In addition to killing the party's vibe, he also summons a dead axe murdering psycho who used to live in the house, all while emasculating Tawny Kitaen's new boyfriend by insulting him while giving Tawny weird limp handed back-rubs. It's a showdown for the fate of her ...
Apr 30, 2020•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 67
When the residents of a small Oregon town Freddy Krueger the local doctor for harvesting hearts to repair his dead wife, lil baby Dr Giggles escapes the murder mob by hiding inside the corpse of his dead mother. He gets caught at age 7 and put into a mental institution where he gets his doctorate in giggology. Eventually he escapes and returns to his home town to punish random people who had nothing to do with his father's death. Join Matt and Tristan as they talk in fun robot voices over Zoom. ...
Apr 22, 2020•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 66
Traumatized by seeing his mother having sex with a low rent Andrew Dice Clay, Arthur goes bonkers and kills them both. Thanks to a combination high protein asylum food, and regular exercise, Arthur grows up to be a huge pro-wrestler sized spree killer. He kills a ton of people, but gets obsessed with the one that got away. She happens to be an actress shooting a sci-fi movie in the desert, which allows them to showcase some terrible costumes, and some amazing Gahan Wilson monsters. As we're in t...
Mar 24, 2020•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 65
Sorority Babes is an example of a movie. Join Matt, Tristan, and special guest Brandon Kawashima for a podcast which discusses it.
Mar 12, 2020•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 64
Have you ever seen Omega Man and wished it was full of Valley Girls? I may have a film for you. On the night of the return of the comet that killed the dinosaurs, our hero Reggie is too busy playing Tempest and getting busy to go out and watch. This, combined with the steel shielding in the building saved her from a fate of becoming either a pile of dust, or one of what seems like maybe 3 zombies in all of LA. As zombie movies go, not really such a bad deal for our heroes. But like every other m...
Mar 05, 2020•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 63
If you like Richard Kind making ADR poop jokes, I've got a movie for you. If you like your kids movies peppered with murder and nudity, I have a movie for you. If you like a movie that starts in the toilet and never really leaves, I've got a movie for you. So, put on your yanking crown, fill your squirt gun with goofy glue, and join Matt and Tristan as they shove their heads into the demonic toilet that is, Ghoulies 3.
Feb 20, 2020•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 62
In the final entry in our Mall Madness Month here at the Fun Box Monster Podcast, we take a trip to The Fairchild Building for a sorority prank gone wrong epic. Kelly is a troubled young lady pledging an upscale sorority. For Hell Week she and her fellow pledges are tasked with stealing the clothes off a security guard in her father's store, which is 20 stories tall, and approximately 50 square miles of retail space. People die, secrets are revealed and recycled soap opera plots are shamelessly ...
Feb 06, 2020•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 61
With a name like Chopping Mall I expect one thing. Savings. Rock bottom pricing on name brands. And we get it. Plus, some scenes of robots murdering sexy teens. But mostly savings. So break up your furniture store sex party, set fire to your gas cans, and steer clear of that paint store, because that thing's a death trap...and join Matt and Tristan for Chopping Mall.
Jan 31, 2020•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 60
When hunky acrobat Eric's family refuses to sell their house to greedy land developers, they hire that guy from Hack O' Lantern to burn it to the ground with his family in it. His girlfriend survives and tries to go on with her life by taking a job on the grounds where her boyfriend burned to death. She starts noticing on-the-nose gifts appearing around her and starts to suspect that Eric isn't as dead as previously assumed. So get on your stolen Bowflex, grab your toilet cobra, and dig into the...
Jan 23, 2020•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 59
When you're a sexed up teen graduating high school in mere days, there's only one place to go. THE FURNITURE STORE!!! Though our teens try as hard as they can to delay sex by setting up an elaborate game of hide and seek, eventually some does happen. Unfortunately for our teens, the forward thinking owner of Fine Furniture has taken the nontraditional step of letting an ex-con set up an apartment in the basement of his business and when the partying kids start disappearing he's the first suspect...
Jan 16, 2020•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 58
This lantern is hacked! (I'm trying out catch phrases. You know, for the kids) When the creepy Satanist grandpa known as "grandpa" brings his son/grandson (eew) Michael a pumpkin on Halloween, he also gives him a magic satan coin, redeemable at any coven for powers beyond imagining. He eventually grows up to be a sullen twenty-something living in his mom's basement, lifting weights, worshiping satan, and dating unbelievably attractive, rich ladies. When the time comes for him to be all he can be...
Jan 09, 2020•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 57
Now it can be told. Blood Salvage is the shocking true story of the auto salvage industry. Jake is a well meaning junkyard owner who just wants to help people by sharing their organs with needy people and make a small profit on the side. Cruel beauty pageant contestant April proceeds to murder his whole family and never even pay for the repairs that Jake did on her camper. So, sharpen up some knitting needles, grab your poison casserole, and hook yourself up to the industrial life-support system...
Jan 03, 2020•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 56
This week, Matt is off doing Christmas stuff... So horror icon and Black Christmas super-fan Damian Maffei is filling in to talk about Black Christmas and Haunt in a loose, free-form version of the podcast.
Dec 20, 2019•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 55
Ho, ho, holy crap. Back in a long ago era where America actually had manufacturing jobs, Harry is a worker at the Jolly Dreams toy factory. As a youth, Harry experienced a real life version of the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," and like the protagonist of the song, Harry's experience left him only a few steps from deranged. Those few steps happened as his co-workers took advantage of him, and his company pretended to give toys to sick children. In a mostly (except for a couple of murder...
Dec 13, 2019•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 54
Here's the problem with Christmas. Everybody's so worried about Grinches and Bumbles and whatever, that they forget to look out for the more prosaic horrors, like cyborg children built by an alcoholic Mickey Rooney who build boobytrapped toys to kill kids and get adopted by their moms. Especially, when it turns out that your dad is accidentally killed, and he turns out to not be your real dad, and your real dad turns out to be some weird mall Santa who buys too many toys and spends all day cruis...
Dec 06, 2019•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 53
When I think Dead Heat, I think of two things. Buff Joe Piscopo and The Asphyxiation Room. Clearly we have zombie cops fighting zombie monsters. Sure. But more importantly, there's a room that does nothing but asphyxiate stuff. No child lock. No warning signs. No emergency exit. It asphyxiates you, and you can just stumble in there when you're looking for the bathroom. It's controlled by some sort of, I don't know, asphyxiation dj? He sits at a panel and hits buttons and faders and I guess he co...
Nov 28, 2019•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 52
Rich people are weird, right? Like, they're just gooier than the rest of us. Knowing just how gooey they are, it should be of no surprise to any of us when they start raising lower class people in their giant mansions, giving them everything they could ever want, then suck out their life force in a ritualistic orgy where they all just kinda blend into a giant ambrosia salad of skin and organs. If this sounds like your cup of tea...(it's a reference.) then grab your never-ending bottle of suntan ...
Nov 21, 2019•1 hr 31 min•Ep. 51
If you watched Stephen King's Dreamcatcher, and thought..."Gee...this movie's great and all, but I wish there was more butt-stuff." We have the movie for you. Acid Sid is the ghost of a murdered frat pledge who has returned from the grave to kill off the new pledges at a fraternity who's name sounds like peen. After a bunch of ass paddling, and other ass games, we get down to some serious murder. Some of it involving the exploding of people's asses. So grab your anchovy paste, a toilet banana, a...
Nov 14, 2019•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 50
Angela's back and she's having a party. I mean...not actually a party. And she's not having the party. It's actually a dance at a Catholic school. And the people involved don't actually go to the party. They go to Hull house to play a mean spirited prank that goes nowhere and isn't even slightly funny. Then they leave. But things really get going once Angela takes her sister away from the Catholic school and they go BACK TO HULL HOUSE? Once they realize that holy water can kill/save/explode/melt...
Nov 07, 2019•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 49
Instead of developing coping mechanisms that might help him with the daily worries and disappointments that the average child faces, Jamie tends to solve all his problems by throwing them into a pit filled with prehistoric carnivores. This combined with him being a weird little perv, makes him a pretty unpopular kid. Jamie is a great example of why the mental health field has never opted to incorporate huge pits full of murderous troglodytes into their child therapy sessions. So grab your favori...
Oct 24, 2019•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 48
The citizens of Mill Basin are up in arms that middle-of-the-road hair metal band Black Roses have a four night engagement at the gym of the local high school. In a real spit in the eye of your typical Footloose style movie, it turns out that the concerned church-types are right. This band has sold their souls to the devil and now has the power to hypnotize kids into killing their parents. Things get really weird when a high school teacher, who looks like the Brawny paper towel mascot fights a p...
Oct 17, 2019•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 47
Billy's back from the dead, with a message from Hell! That message is, "Don't forget to mention that you have an identical twin brother when you're on trial for murder." Billy Eye is a hot-shot rock and roller, who spends all his time belittling women, banging groupies, and writing songs with names that predict crucial events in his life. When he decides to go on a killing spree, it takes everyone by surprise. When he returns after his execution for said crimes, it surprises them a second time. ...
Oct 10, 2019•58 min•Ep. 46
This film is constructed like a Swiss digital watch that's linked to the Geneva laser grid. You think this is just another vampire movie? Think again! It's a vampire movie where the vampires sleep with their lungs outside their bodies. Why? Well...because. Breathing is...umm... Shut up. That's why. So put on your fruit hat, grab your golf club, and drive your crazy person Jesus van to join Matt and Tristan for 1991's Children of the Night.
Oct 03, 2019•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 45
Maximum Overdrive is the story of a huge semi-truck...full of cocaine that pulled up outside Stephen King's house. After snorting a metric ton of it, he wrote this nutso movie. And thank god he did. This is the movie that's so beautifully stupid that nobody else would have dared to make it. I wake up every day thanking my lucky stars that Stephen King hadn't hit rock bottom before he got to make this beautiful disaster. What do you get when you mix an armory full of weapons, a bunch of drunk Aus...
Sep 26, 2019•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 44
Not sure what the name of this one refers to... I see the metamorphosis. That definitely happened. There were aliens I guess. But not sure what the factor was. They were making aliens, so maybe it was supposed to say "The Alien FACTORY". That makes some sense. Plus, it opens up great marketing opportunities. You could have a tie in with The Cheesecake Factory. "Metamorphosis : The Cheesecake Factory". Uggh. I just look at a Cheesecake Factory and I have a metamorphosis. Mondays right? Plus, tryi...
Sep 05, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 43
Holy cow, guys. The Alien's deadly spawn sure does return in this one. When a meteor crashes on earth, a toothy phallus monster is unleashed. He kills 2 campers, then climbs into the basement window of suburban New Jersey home, where (she?) proceeds to spawn a whole bunch of little wiggly, toothy, wang monsters. It proceeds to eat all of the residents one by one, until it's finally stopped by our resident Tommy Jarvis / monster kid character, who probably has a name, but I'll be damned if I can ...
Aug 29, 2019•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 42
After spending 20 years buried in a pit with his victims, a murderous, undead brain doctor is set loose. When an earthquake powerful enough to break the joint compound holding him prisoner sets off a chain of events including: Murder. Mayhem. Pantslessness. Occult sacrifices, and crop tops. All this and a hole in the ground full of dead mental patients who love to take people's brains out and play with them for reasons we are not privy to. So, put on your rubber gloves, your biggest ring, and yo...
Aug 22, 2019•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 41
