Season 4 Update

The logistical reality of that is a little bit more complicated and I'll start by saying you know , continued to have people contact me in person through DMs to say how much they enjoy the podcast , to ask about a fourth season , to offer thanks , and every one of those moves me closer to a fourth season .

Because , you know , from my perspective , this is just me sitting in my office slash playroom with a microphone and headphones and talking to no one , not even my cat . My cat has learned like , when daddy has the microphone out , get out of the playroom because he's going to want quiet . So I'm literally talking to no one .

So I don't have any grasp of the say . I really enjoyed your podcast . I really hope there's a season four . Your episode on blah blah blah really moved me in blah blah blah ways . It is invaluable to me . It is invaluable to me because it helps me to know there's a reason to be sitting alone in my office slash playroom talking to no one .

So thank you every single one of you who have reached out about the podcast in any way .

And if you are on the fence , please , if you've thought about contacting me and you haven't , please do , because the thing that is going to make season four happen is people telling me that they desire season four , that they on some level crave it or need it , I don't know . So please keep reaching out . So what's the delay ?

There are a number of interrelated , compounding factors that are keeping me from really moving forward with this season of Full Cow , and they're all related to available time and energy . So , first of all , like so many of us , in the current political climate , I have less energy Because each morning I wake up right and I have a battery .

I have a certain pool of available energy .

Well , now I have to take a not insignificant portion of that pool of energy and use it to press back against the doom of the world around me , and press back just far enough for me to be able to breathe , so that energy is going into managing anxiety , into generating hope , into keeping myself from checking social media or checking the news .

I'm literally spending a limited resource of energy to make enough space for me to be alive . Now I'm not even getting the worst of this political climate . I am fairly protected , I am super privileged , but it still is hitting me enough and has hit me not exactly directly but very closely . It's hit me closely enough to be frightening and chilling .

It's been frightening and chilling and there have even been a couple incidents on my social media , a couple of comments that I've quickly hidden from people because I don't need them to see that that have had a very vaguely threatening air and felt a little chilling .

So that's the first thing I literally have less energy because I'm using more energy before I even get out of bed to make it through this world . The second factor that is impacting my available energy I discovered in early January I unearthed some old trauma that I kind of suspected was there

. I didn't really know it was there . Now I know it's there and that means I've shifted quite a bit of my available resources into healing and that takes time and money and for me it means I've been doing acupuncture because the trauma I uncovered is really embedded in the very cells of my body . It's something my body remembers .

So I've been working on very somatic kind of healing modalities . So I've been doing acupuncture and I've been doing yoga and I've been doing what I call what I tell my friends is trauma yoga . It's really called neurogenic yoga and it's yoga plus a kind of tremor slash , shaking response , a little bit like somatic experiencing .

All of these things cost money and , more critically , for the podcast . All of these things cost money and , more critically , for the podcast , they take up time . I am spending one to four hours out of my week simply trying to heal trauma that I've been carrying around , didn't even notice , but I know it's there now and I would like to get rid of it .

That leaves less energy for everything else in my world .

So there's the political climate , there's the recently uncovered trauma , and then there's the simple fact that with the leather coaching and with the rest of my regular life and with a social life , I have been so busy that I've learned how to block out weekends to do nothing , utterly nothing , because at one point there was a point where I looked at my schedule

and I don't think I had a free night for two weeks and that just felt . Just thinking about it was exhausting . So I've been blocking out weekends more to do nothing . Well , you know what Weekends are the time I have to get the podcast done , because they're the time I really have to work on a project of

this magnitude . So that's been another impediment to moving forward with the podcast . Finally , it's not . It's something I don't know . Do I talk about it a lot ? I feel like I don't talk about it a lot , but I also feel like I do talk about it a lot .

The fact that I do not have a boyfriend is another factor here , because when I'm in a relationship , it's like I get a whole extra battery .

I receive so much love , love , support , energy from a partner , and it's so nice to be around a person who's not constantly draining my battery as an introvert If you're an introvert , you might understand what I mean by that . I can be around someone and not feel drained .

When I have a partner , I feel like my resources are doubled , and that is literally time gets doubled in some ways . So if I had a boyfriend , I would hope he'd be the kind of boyfriend that would be like hey , baby , go work on the podcast and I'll go get groceries . Oh , thanks , baby , oh , and then we can go to the gym after .

Right , like I don't have a body double out there running the errands on the weekends , that I can sit here and do that , that I can sit here and do that . The other thing is just the available energy , hope , joy , those things I get .

My well gets refilled quickly and more often when I have a partner and therefore I have more available stuff to spend on things like the podcast . So I'm still single . I still have . In fact , I'm getting to a point where I am making this pivot , where I just assume I'm not going to have a boyfriend .

Looking for one has been too painful because I need someone local . I'm not going to do long distance anymore , blah , blah , blah , blah . I'm not going to get into all this .

The point is that I'm moving through that issue and leaning into the beautiful men who are already in my life and just finding contentment with what I have , which is really more than sufficient .

So those are the things keeping the podcast from happening the higher cost of living energetically , the higher cost of living from an energetic standpoint that it takes to exist in the world today , the new expenditures of energy required for healing uncovered trauma . The need to find spaces to do nothing and to recharge in a very busy life .

And the lack of a loving , supportive local here with me , building a life with me partner . That being said , I do intend to do a fourth season . I can tell you I already know some of the episodes . There will be another episode on chastity . We're going to return to chastity with a specific focus on the intersection of chastity

and dominance . I don't mean using chastity to dominate someone , I mean practicing chastity as a dominant person . I'm excited for that .

I'm hoping to do a whole new segment called Makers , which really features the stories of leather and kink craftspeople and really helps us understand where our kink products are coming from and provides a sort of human backstory to them . Be an episode on the Old Guard . This is again kind of a return . The episode on origins talked about the Old Guard .

This will be a whole episode on the Old Guard . There will be an episode on the Leatherman's Handbook , which was just recently republished and is an incredibly important historical document but also really richly resonant for the current state of the community . Really richly resonant for the current state of the community . Oh , maybe I'll do . I don't know .

Do I already have an episode on titles ? I mean , we're coming up on IML and I have a lot of people in my orbit who are competing and so I've been thinking a lot about contests and getting ready for contests and all of that . So there might be a whole episode on running for a title . I have lots of ideas .

What I don't have at the moment is an abundance of time and energy . I can tell you , if you look at my to-do list , it's a very complicated , very anal , retentive document , but every Saturday it says podcast . So it is very much on my radar . It is very much on my radar and I just wanted an opportunity to tell all of you it's coming , it's coming .

I can't tell you when . I suspect it's going to be on a whole new schedule where I'm not bound to produce two episodes a month . That was really , I think , ambitious and exhausting . It might just be an episode comes out when an episode comes out , but it is coming .

The thing you can do besides , please continue to stay subscribed , please continue to be patient , please continue to be so loving and understanding as so many of you have shown yourselves to be to me .

The only other thing you could do is , if there's something , if you really are supporting the podcast , if you would love , if you've loved the first three seasons , if you would love to see a fourth season , drop me a line .

I have any number of channels of communication available to you that just says hey , I'm another one of those people who likes the podcast and I want you just to know that I would love to hear a fourth season whenever you can get around

to it .

Those little messages are critical , critical reminders that this matters in some way and in fact , in a world that is hostile , in a world that is super busy , in a world where we're all healing from trauma , in a world where so many of us don't have the loving , supportive relationships we want , that this podcast is important In part because of those things , in

part to provide us a place of understanding and a place of mutual meeting and a place of hope . Yeah , that's my update . I am slowly getting back to also posting videos on the socials and that's been interesting . I literally feel like I lost my voice in the political climate , but I'm getting it back and I think that's all I have for now .

I'm just always so blown away that people pay attention to the podcast again sitting in an empty room talking to no one , empty room talking to no one . So to know that there are listeners out there really blows me away and I do not take you for granted and I am very grateful for all of you and I hope you have a really just effing amazing Saturday .

It's Saturday , may 10th , by the way .