Ep -372: Spider Labyrinth.

Thank you. Hi guys, how's it going? Hey. Great. How are you guys doing? I'm doing great. Nice. Monday. We're recording. We're gonna watch a movie. Wonderful. I'm full of gratitude today, my my guys. I love that we get to do this show. I love that people tune in. It's I'm just f I feel good. I feel great. This is it's so much fun that we get to do this. And every now and then I like to just take a moment to like think about that and say it out loud on the on the air.

Thank you, Jeff. I love hearing it. Yeah. I agree with you. I feel the same way. We do gotta pump the brakes and be thankful for the good things'cause there's so many bad things. So many bad things. That's true. So yeah, I'm I'm grateful for you two guys and there's I said there's a couple things I wanted to talk about at the top. Uh uh. One being Brian, I don't know if we've talked about this but you have a Patreon.

For your photography. Yes. I think people need to know about it and get on it'cause Brian is one of my favorite photographers fucking ever. He showed me so many things he's gonna post on the Patreon soon. They're all so fucking amazing. You've been doing a lot more photography lately and I'm so proud of you. Thank you. And it fucking rules. So guys get on this Patreon. What's the fucking link? It's weird. I mean it's Phantom Macab.

Mm-hmm. And it's like Phantom Macab and that's at patreon.com. On my photo page, yeah, which is also the same thing, Phantom Macab. And yeah. And thank you for being a patron. Of course. I f I wouldn't fucking miss it. Are you kidding? I love seeing your photography.

I didn't know about it. I'm gonna know about it. Now I know about it. I'm a patron too. Dude, there's some good photos, dude. You can count on that one dollar a month from me. I'm gonna sit a stack of quarters on the table every month. I'm gonna count on you to enter it. I don't know how you get that in your phone, but I'm tr I mean like uh Like not being really good at like promoting it.

Well tell what what what do you what do you intend to do with it? What do you what are you posting on there that people can't get anywhere else? Yeah, I can't like post most stuff on Instagram without getting popped. Because your shit's too cool for fucking the regular shit. There's lots of yeah, there's lots of, you know nudie stuff and um so yeah, so I was just like, you know, I should just uh try to put this someplace else and then I thought it would

Also maybe I could try to like help fund my film addiction and my want to like travel and create more photos. So uh you know, the little bit of money I can make from that will hopefully go to that. Well that's cracking rules. And if you're a f fan of the show, if you're a fan of Brian, you should fucking check it out.

Thank you. And if you're a fan of Josh, you just put out a new record. I do trust. Yeah. Last Father's fucking killer. Thank you. So badass. I just we need to talk about these things up top here. I love you guys so much and I'm such a huge fan of both of you. And I just want other people to get into it too. And if you're Tune in in the show then I I would assume that you're you're into what we do as people and this is

Part of what you guys do outside of the show. Sure. And it's and it's part of your soul and so it's it's who you guys are and press ourselves so when when away from one another. T can you can you talk about the the record at all? Yeah. Last Fathers is a record that the New Trust made. It's our I don't know what release it is, but we made it uh last year.

And it came out in I think October of last year. And it's just a four song E P. But it's um it's the latest songs we've done and we're very proud of it. It came out really really well, correct with Jack Shirley, who you guys know.

Um and it's uh we can get it on all the places that you listen to music, like Spotify and all those places or don't fuck Spotify, go to somewhere else. But it's all in all the places. Yeah. Um and uh you got a beautiful vinyl too, colored vinyl. Yeah, we have like a like a gold and black Swirl final. Where can you get that at?

You can get that at the newtrust dot com, which will take you right to the bandcamp page and you can order it directly from me. I will package it up and ship it to you with a nice note and a bunch of goodies. And a smooch on it. Josh doing the lipstick and then I yeah. I definitely do like

send f uh flexies and other stuff along with the with the rest of the thing. Sometimes I'll throw a seven inch in there. You know, I'll throw some stuff in there. Yeah dude that sounded like that. On a postcard that I drew, I'll write you a little note. And you do all the artwork. I do, yeah. My wife Sarah and I do the artwork. She's her idea and she's an incredible photographer and you're amazing designer, artist.

Extraordinary so thank you, thank you. It's like top to bomb, it's so fucking bad. Like at least from an artistic standpoint, we had a independent label once at one time. back in the beginning and the early two thousands, but it's been uh pretty much all us since for the most part. Yeah. They sound great and they look pro. Thank you.

Thank you. We're virtual professionals over here. I know so many people like in the local scene that just like look up to you guys and look up to you especially. Oh that's awful. It's fucking so dope. But you guys are the best. Thank you. Can we talk about what you're up?

I suppose had a kind of a fun weekend with Bry Bry. We we worked on a music video for for my my my new band's new record. Yeah. We have a new record? Yeah. I mean it's awesome. You haven't really I mean you kind of so soft announced the band, but like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we record a record and we haven't really yeah, we're been promoting anything yet as a band. We haven't played a show even, but we're just like trying to get on the music first.

Right. And then w yeah, now we're getting ready to start like playing shows and the record should be out in a couple of months. Yeah, but it's read to like just like be like, Oh yeah, here's a new band and here's a whole new album too. Like That's so refreshing to me that you guys are doing that. Like you said, here's our band, picture of the band at the studio recording. But it wasn't like

It wasn't like endless like here's here's a video of us doing all this stuff. Here's a teaser, here's like a clip. You're just like you're gonna drop the album and you're gonna drop the video and it's all gonna come out at the same time. And I know we're listening to test presses this week.

Yeah, Josh has been kind enough to host us listening to little test presses for the band. That's you know, this is great. I wanna tell people about it. Josh Josh, you know, I got to work with Josh a little bit on the artwork for the record, so Brian w helped work on the fucking music video. So like it's it should be Forever Midnight Presents Soft Versus. Is it too late to throw the fucking logo on the fucking vinyl? Yeah. I think we were kinda laughing over but what is the name of the band?

Oh the band is called Soft Curse. We do have an Instagram. Follow us there at Soft Curse. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And uh I heard a few of the songs. Of course I heard one a lot this weekend. Multiple you do as you make a video. But like it's they're fucking rad. They're super, super awesome.

Uh and the whole band is sweethearts and the music is top. Yeah, you guys are the greatest. And I and I'm like, Jeff you asked, like, Oh, I know you you have a record player that's not set up, I just moved out of my office in Petaluma and you're like, Oh, we could set it up here Selfishly I'd rather you guys come to my house.

And I can actually hear this fucking thing. I'm dying to hear it. Oh, they would if you don't mind me sitting along with you and listening to it. No, you can we we'd be so fucking honored. That'd be great.

I know you it's test pressing, but I can still make some suggestions, right? What you should change about it? Yes, absolutely. It's not it's not too late. Just kidding. More bass, right. I did you yeah. This song should be a little shorter. I think I'd recommend this part get snipped. The whole this whole part, yeah.

We'll just take that part of the plate out and just smoosh it together, right? We can't do that. No way. I'm sure it's perfect. I can't wait to hear it. Oh yeah. Thank you. That's exciting.

Helping each other doing things and things like that, you know. It's great to have friends, isn't it? It's what it takes. We got this hilarious photo of fucking Brian. We had this makeshift dollar this we did this video all ourselves like DIY, no money. It was a zero budget. Zero budget. And so we need a a like a dolly shot for it. Brian on a cart. Saw that picture you had a straight up on a cart. This is like supermanning it.

We push him and he's just holding the phone. I I posted my story and I was like, I'm helping and then like one of my friends is like, But are you though? Yeah, it all the behind the scenes look so ridiculous of just shit we're doing to try to get a shot. Yeah, I know y I've seen the videos you've made in the past and they've all been sick. So I can't wait to see like

To see the behind the scenes of homie laying on the cart and then it's gonna be like, Wow, that looks hella good. I got this stupid thing where it's like a magnifying glass, but it's like a sheet, so it's flex flexible. And so I was putting that in front of the camera and like shaking it around. And so there's like funny footage of me just like jerking it around in front like looking like a fucking maniac just like I'm standing perfectly still so my arms are like going crazy.

It looks so dumb. Or maybe in like fucking dancing with a phone. Like so dumb. It looks good. See, there's a thing. You guys are doing very silly behind the scenes things and they're and you're but you're doing silly things to make the effect look amazing and to make it look like you'll never know that look like an idiot doing this. Here's here's a way I'm going to segue into our s our sponsors. Oh

Correct. When I say today at the next record store, what the greatest record store you'll ever encounter. Your boy look like the biggest fool he's ever looked on video. Yeah I know. I know. Tells me And I was doing a dance on a video for the record store for the gram.

Looking like a full blown jackass. You see what this dude does for money? See? This is what I do for much less money than I But our French Lee who's uh who's very Internet savvy was like she does so many great things for the record store on ones.

We love She's a lot of people. And she's like, I got this idea of her video and I was like, Okay. She goes, Who wants to do it? And Sherry's like, Josh wants to do it. And I was like, Oh okay. What are we doing? She's like, look we're gonna do this video, it's like this, we're gonna do this, this, this and then she goes, Now we're gonna do a little dance and I was like

Uh you you did tell me about a dance. Okay, before I signed up. I was like, You do yours first, and I watched her do hers. I'm like, Okay, well that shit's pretty lively. I don't I'm not as much of a dancer. I'm sober. You need to get some drinks in me first. But no, there was no time for that. It's like okay, no one's in the store. Go do the thing. Do the dance. Put the thing in and do a dance. It's like, oh my God. I did it.

Jesus. Foolishness ensued. We didn't even know what song it was. I had no idea the punchline. I had nothing. The song is definitely different than your dancing on I was like, that's the song. That was why that was the punchline. We were like, we've arrived on that as a joke. But anyway, go to the next record store.

record store Instagram and go to the next record store dot com to get your CDs and tapes and records. Your fucking new trust record. Yeah. And eventually the Soft Curse record. Eventually, yes. Get your State Faults record. We got'em. Ooh, hell yeah, we got State Faults there too. That's my other band. So good.

Forever. That's right. Don't get 10% off your order. In store or on the web. The dark web. Yeah, just go to the the the next record store's Instagram and see your boy look like a fool. Give him a follow. Watch the dance. Uh Shley promises there's gonna be more embarrassing videos to follow, so I have this to look forward to my old age.

Thanks. That's just what I needed. I am a I I am a clown. Where is the next register located? It's in Santa Rosa, California, where we live, and it's um at eighteen ninety nine A Mendocino Avenue. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great store. You gotta you gotta check it out. They got a video section now, they got a lot of DVDs. Not a lot, but a select few and they have a whole row of Forever Midnight selected DVDs. How about that shit. How about that shit?

So you can go ahead and get what you need there. Check it out. Everything's ten percent off if you put in um Forever at the discount box. If you're there for record store day, everything's ten percent off anyway. We'll put another ten percent off on it. Who wins that that way? When's record store day? That's eighteenth of April. This not this coming up we come but the fall one after, yeah. This is sa Saturday. Always the third Saturday in April, I think. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Right on.

Should we also thank our other sponsor? Yeah, we should. We totally should. The Word Horde Emporium of the Weird and Fantastic. That's right. Weirdandfantastic.com. Or if you're there in person, if you're in the North Bay, if you're in the San Francisco Bay Area, come and visit there at twenty two hundred Petalum Boulevard North. In Petaluma, uh suite eight oh five. Yeah. They carry books, they carry games, they carry all kinds of soft goods

S you know, socks and stuffed animals and all kinds of cool shit. What do they got that's hard though? What's that? What do they got that's hard though? Covered books. Lots of hardcovered books. Spines of books. Tons of hardcover books. That are heavy. So heavy. Heavy. If not hard, very heavy. Yeah. Yeah. You get you get a couple of things. You're getting buff carrying them around. So yeah. Yeah.

They fucking rule, I've been in there, you've been in there. They're so fucking nice and so helpful. Worth giving your money to. Those are the right kind of people. They yeah, they're on the right side of of everything and they are super smart, they're super, super talented, they're putting out books themselves. Yeah, it's so cool. I love it. So knowledgeable. If you have a question for them, they'll be able to handle it and hook you up.

And um yeah, if they don't have something in stock they can get it. So g get on that and what's discount code? Discount code is Midnight for ten percent off. And you can do that online or in person. Yes, you can. And um Yeah. They're they're have all kinds of rad stuff. So Weird and Fantastic dot com and get ten percent off. Yeah. Yeah. But uh yeah, just wanna thank our sponsors and

Yeah, speaking of gratitude, so so grateful for them swooping in and helping us out. And being like analog based sponsors is one of the coolest things I love that we, you know, are hawking vinyl and books and they're both places we generally like and go to and spend money at. Yeah, you know, ourselves. That we did before and we'll after. For sure. So we're not we're not pushing anything on you that we don't fully back ourselves. That is very awesome that our sponsors are just local

to us and very much the stuff we're into. Yeah. And it's gonna be the DraftKings going to have to come up with a whole lot of money for us to be all talking about sports betting. It's gonna be a whole lot of money. We're talking four digit Four figures, Staff Kings. You hear that? Oh fuck, I was gonna learn about sports. No, you don't no, you read a thing. Yeah, you just read a thing. Welcome to Have you ever wanted to bet on sports? That'll be me. Okay, Brian.

Brian's been holding out on us. Brian's not Riley. It's I I I tried to make it w it's my pick tonight and Jeff was like, What is it? I'm like, No, it's a surprise. I'm gonna surprise you guys. I lagged on picking a movie. Clever girl. So I got an idea. We I this one is special. We need to watch it together. We need to put the time aside together. It's very important yeah. It's important to me and then you're like, Oh shit, what am I even gonna pick? Still.

Right. Up until then. I give you all this time to pick. Up until you guys walked in. You still have time to pick because we don't know what it is. We still know you could still be changed in one. Oh, you did grab something? Okay. You can change it if you want, we'll close our eyes again. Hey, hold on. I it sucks because I had a many choices. I have like

At least six right now that I would just be like, let's do it. Yeah, don't blow it like I did this this past month. Don't blow it like I did. Come on. Look who you're talking about. Are you gonna blow it? I'm the king of blowing it. Are you are you unzipping and undoing the pant? Are you about to blow it? Okay. Well, I'm not going to be able

A big old Italian one. Big old Italian sausage. That's an oh. Okay, what is that? What is that? Yeah. So Oh boy. I bought this a while ago. An image I saw. Oh no. And this never goes good when you start with like that. After you just like don't blow it. No, it wasn't a moving image. Oh no. This never goes. It was attractive enough that I was like, okay, I'll buy that.

So I bought the Blu-ray. Oh fuck. It's still unopened. I haven't seen what Brian's picked yet, but here's my hope. My hope is that Brian whips it out, and I'm talking about not the DVD. My hope is that Brian flips this around and shows us what he picked. And we've already done an episode on it. He just doesn't know.

That's very possible. Let's just tell'em we've done it. I guess yeah, Jeff and I here's a pack, dog. If he if it's something that we've done before, we will act excited. Like grandma when she gets you the same sweater she got you last year for uh Christmas. Oh my god, this is I wanted one of these. This exact color I wanted so badly. Wow. Okay. All of us have picked a movie like this where it's like, oh, we saw one cool image and

It's the worst piece of shit in the world. I mean it's Italian, it's nineteen eighty eight. It's it's gonna be I mean you're saying good things right now. I don't foresee it being amazing, but I think from what I've kinda read to no one frame of it is great. Yes. At least one single frame is amazing. Two short. It's only an hour and a half. So it we're cool there. Yeah, I believe I think so.

I think that's what I saw. Three hours. Um but yes, so I picked Uh this movie called The spider labyrinth. The what? Oh what I can say with all honesty, we've never seen this movie. Yeah, I haven't even heard of this one. So this is a it's kind of uh it was like a hard to find one, but it's um put out by Severin, this the Blu-ray. Uh huh. Okay. Um but uh Gee I wonder it was hard to find. Yeah, I wonder why. Maybe like people don't wanna watch it or something?

No demand to ever see it. I'm trying to hoard it from myself. Put it yeah, put it in a vault. It's too good. I'm gonna read this quote though on the back here. So you know it's good. Okay. This is the best I can I can't believe it's never been released. Italian horror film of of of them all. Wait, I can't read. I'm reading it wrong. This is the best Italian horror I okay, this is the best

I can't believe it's never been released. Horror an Italian horror. Okay, I get what you're saying. You are not to blame. I can say that this is firstly Probably quoted the it the actual director of the movie. I can't believe it's never been released. Those are air quotes. Yes. Italian Italian horror film of them all. Okay. Okay. I just can't read so. No, you did read it right. It's just that it's confusing. It's confusing. And it's red on black, so Yeah.

I hope the movie is that confusing to actually watch. But um yeah, I mean I don't know. I'm very excited. I might be really bummed. Well I'll tell you what, I got a slight fear of spiders and I love the movie Labyrinth. So if it's anything like the Labyrinth, yeah we're gonna be able to do it. But if it's like a spider bowie, David Bowie, or it's just like Instead of eight legs, it's eight crotches, like the little pieces. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. I'm into that. I'll sniff each one.

Oh yeah, which one smells b the best? The middle one. The middle one. The middle one. Yeah. Obviously. Out of the eight, it's the middle one. The bat one. Uh okay. I do believe that I saw that this is streaming on like Tubi and some other spots right now. Okay. So people can actually

Watch it. That's nice. It's not I wanted to make sure there wasn't one where I'm like, oh yeah, we're gonna watch this one and no one can still watch it. Yeah, go buy a copy. What was that baseball one we watched? I hope someone had to go online and buy that copy and then it was the worst movie we've ever watched. And I hope somebody went on YouTube and reported that one and they got taken down so no one else has to watch it. Don't fall for it.

So uh Spider Labyrinth. Spider Labyrinth, nineteen eighty eight. I love the year. It tells yawn. Italian. Those are two good words. Uh so yeah. It says a forgotten horror gem. Gem is a that's a good word. You know, gems are good things. Shiny beautiful to look at. Yeah. Valuable. Not all gems. Wait, what gems aren't? Yeah, is there bad gems? Quartz. Quartz This is a regular old rock.

We'll see. I'm excited for it. That's just a dusty old rock. Is it a gem or is it a dusty old dirt clod? We will find out. Is it dece or is it feast? We will see. We'll be back in a hundred and ninety minutes what Brian determines is one is one and one half hours. If that image was worth it. Oh fuck. Okay. Can't wait. Let's roll it. I am the urn that belongs to the weavers. The great cobweb is closing every passage. It's a labyrinth with no way out. Doesn't sound like a very interesting subject.

Invading my mind. I can't go on. This affair is extremely dangerous. You have to understand how important it is. Amen. چلا رہے؟ چلا رہے No one must ever know. The names of the gods must know. You have been chosen, Alan.

A hidden horror gem, right guys? Yeah. Sixty seconds of it. I'm fucking half asleep right now, dude. Dude, I was dozing. I think I saw you take a little snooze fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah we that's the fucking s the spider boredom. Spider labyrinth. It's a little slow. We watched a guy get lost in real time. In Budapest, just dude, getting lost has gotta be one of the most annoying things, but then watching someone get lost in real time is extra annoying. Yeah. Watching a guy like

Take directions from another man and then get in a Volkswagen bug in real time. Take do those directions, get lost, drive back out, look at a map, talk to himself, do it all over again. Wow. They really need to fill up the fucking to run the clock out. Fuck me. When it was six. It was real fucking sick. But there's about what, two maybe two minutes worth of Yeah. Two two whole minutes of fucking amazing. Yeah. And then the rest is like, ugh, what a slog. Boring and fucking just like what?

Sorry guys. That guy God, a guy who's the most lifeless actor. Our main guy we spent all the movie with. Just lifeless dull. But he looks like before we knew what Arnold Schwarzenegger's kid looked like. That could have been it. Like that's Schwarzenegger if he never lifted a weight. You think so? Yeah. Yeah, without the weight part for sure. He was even in the fucking like the the twins outfit.

Yeah, he's definitely in the shirt jacket with the shirt buttons all the way up. Giving me like weird George Michael vibes. George is that right? Yeah. He had a big a big quif like George Michael. Yeah. Yeah. And I I he's fine as fuck. I mean Schwarzenegger and George Michael combined? Fine to mine eyes. And we was getting licked up and down like he was a s a spider snack. Drolled a pond. Yeah. See his buns do working overtime? So

When he was in that porno we saw? At the beginning of this movie, he's a little kid and he gets scared by a a big spider in a closet. Yeah. What does that have to do with anything else?'Cause he doesn't really react Well he's he's in a closet uh often. Yeah. There's al there's something about always being in a wardrobe. Yeah, something about him about that. Fine ass George Michael looking man trapped in a closet.

Uh yeah, it it's it's not good. It is good. Brian, I don't want you I don't want you to feel bad at all. Oh I already do. Please don't. I feel bad when I wake up after this. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. I didn't see you sleeping. I saw your head doing a certain thing and I said something about the movie and you looked up and you said Yeah. Yep. Yeah, I'm paying attention. Like I know. That's a hat.

Yeah dude. Uh but but that the scene that you pointed out was this reason you we wanted to watch the movie. Well I mean like I just wanted to applaud so I loved it. Yeah. I loved every second of that. Doesn't make any sense with A spider No nothing. No. No, but it's fucking cool. But it's cool looking. It's this wild, crazy lady with this crazy hair, these weird teeth. It's crazy yeah, crazy red hair that's just like all over the place. Yeah, sharp ass teeth, and a knife.

Yeah. You would think that if there were like and it's she's glowing green. Yeah. I don't know why, but it looks great. It looks great. Yeah. I w I got from that photo I got like vibes like and I I in my head you know, you know me. Yeah. I work I work overtime. Your brain is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Yeah. And so I'm in my brain, I was like, ooh, this movie's gonna be like the boxers omen. It's gonna be just like chock full of a bunch of crazy shit.

Boxer's Omen is like the entirety like that. Just breastanity. Yeah. This is two minutes, you know. Two minutes of insanity, yeah. Yeah. And then the rest of it's just like a dude lost in Budapest.

In real time. Oh god. Occasionally seeing a boob. And it's gotta be the The sleepiest, quietest town in the world. They've never heard of playing music at all for like Oh my god, there's a whole scene. It was it was dreadful. They were having dinner, our lead guy and our kind of His liaison there. Right. This this young lady, this young beautiful woman. And there's a whole restaurant of people eating dinner. Looks like they're having a conversation, but you you hear silence.

Just painful so you can hear their voice echoing throughout the h the whole building. And you can hear every creak of a door opening and closing and some woman like across the fucking restaurant like clanking fucking forks together. It was insane. Like like What like it just you need a just a a light murmur of people chatting, you got some music, right? Fucking anything, but it was so painfully quiet. Yeah. And then

Everyone's kinda like listening in on the conversation it seems, staring at them and then the everyone just leaves and they he doesn't make one mention of how the strangeness of this scenario. It's so fucking weird and so like and we've talked about this before, but like with Italian like horror movies where like The dubbing's always horrible. Yeah. And the sound design is always

Horrible. It's all over the place. Yeah. And it's it is. It's like voices are too loud for whatever scene is happening. Yeah. There's a mic'ed fucking door squeaking. There's a mic'd fucking fork. We're hearing I hear footsteps. Pit, pit, pap, pat, pit, pat. Well this is a thing. Yeah, we heard a dude cough. He was on the he was even like on screen. He was there's a guy just in the background.

It's i that's like that's some Mel Brooks shit. Here's the deal. We will start watching this movie and it they takes place in Texas so much so that the kids' childhood It there's like a little kid with a cowboy hat and a gun going like okay you hiding there Like what kind of fucking little kids are those? And Italians like those are Texas children, that's what they do. They have guns and they stick you in a closet and they're mean to you. They're Americans. And then

As soon as the guy started talking, our fucking Schwarzenegger George Michael guy, I was like, Oh, he's not dubbed. Yeah. That's his voice. He's he's speaking in English. He's speaking to four other men and they're all Their their lips are matching with the sound. I'm like, this is not Italian. Yeah. This is when they're in Dallas. When he takes a plane to Hungary and he lands, it gets

Ridiculous. Like you're like even his voice. I'm like, is this some sort of top secret esque joke? You made a joke about them leaving the mics in fucking Texas. Mikes are illegal unless they're in a studio setting in in Europe. Yeah. They don't pass customs, they get you get locked off. Yeah. Can't have those here. Fruit you can't bring fruit and you can't bring fucking mics boom mics here. I feel like it's like they start of the movie.

They start filming and they have the audio lined up and then somewhere along the way it just gets w like fucked up and then so it's fun while it lasted. Yeah. And now it just g leave those mics at home. Yeah, those things are just too heavy to carry. Three quarters of the way through you're just like, Who's even talking right now?

No no one's voice matches at all. Like even even even the timber of their voice looks so off from what I'm look the person I'm looking at. Yeah. Doesn't it doesn't line up in any shape or form. At first it sounded like A high budget movie with a mic going and all of a sudden it's Don't look in my eye. And whatever that throws me back. I can remember the moment I saw it, I was like, oh, we're in the we we're in right light right now, like Echo Park.

Up in the house, in the guest house, watching eyeball with my kids. Don't look at my eye. It's got so silly so fast. Well, it's so weird'cause like he obviously can speak English and probably Italian also. Yeah. Yeah. But like those other four guys were ki like they probably only speak Italian. So he's like acting against these guys and they're overdubbing them. And it kind of is matching, but like Well it looks like they're speaking English, but

Sometimes. Other times it didn't look like it or it was just so off that it was so off. Their timing was just terrible. Yeah, and I'm like, Oh and also, holy shit man, the eyebrows in this movie? Why should we call fucking Caterpillar Labyrinth. It's fucking crazy. Dude.

Tarantula. Dude, seriously like whoa dudes. They were they were off Uh they were inches long. Yeah. Inches. Yeah. Long and wide and tall. Yeah. Yeah. There was spiked like fucking Billy Idol's fucking hair. Those were nests. Spiders' nests. Dude, there's so there's a few things in this movie. Like, this is one of those movies that you look at the credits on IMDB and it's just like

Blank, blank, blank, blank. No pictures of anybody. Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. One movie. But I was recognizing and there's something about the casting of this movie too. Firstly, the dude's fine as fuck. And then you see the fucking the first woman that picks them up with the early, Oh, she's fine as fuck. And then they meet the redheaded woman.

Mrs. Coon. Fine as fuck. And I'm like, I know that fine as fuck is that. You thought she was f I thought she looked like a weird warped, warped like m morticia. But she there's a movie called Babette's Feast. And I've got stories about that I've told on the podcast even when my Strange dental hygienist.

was talking to a man. I wanna sell the story again, really briefly. Deneligenis is telling me a story while she's up in my fucking gums fucking around about how she had a s a person another person in the chair and she said she loved foreign movies and the guy stops and says I

Me too. They're like my favorite kind of movies. She's like, Yeah, well I can't I love'em. I watch them all the time. He says, I watch them all the time too. And then she goes, I just watch this one called Bad Bets Feast and he's listening to her talk and he goes, Oh, you said foreign movies. He thought she said porn movies. And he had fought he had found a one his only deep throat fucking fucking.

Because demons Anyway, a and she said she saw Babbett's Feast. Much more recently I did like uh my friend our friend Gwen was doing like a supper club with a couple of us and she was like, I wanna base us on a movie. And I had to pick a movie and I remembered my friend Pam, who's my dental hygienist, said Babette's Feast, and I watched the movie Babette's Feast, which is about a feast this woman prepares, and that's Babette.

That's like from Babat's Feast. And I developed a fucking Yeah, it's an amazing Wow. It's it's one of those movies that's if you're a foodie, it's like very much a foodie movie. Early eighties, yeah. Late se I think it's early eighties. The woman that got killed in the sheet?

No. No. The woman who was the redhead with the with the cool haircut and she was in the room. She's just kind of staring and she's talking. She was like the owner of the hotel. Right, yeah, yeah. She's the one rocking the crazy. And then there's the one rocking the crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's the one rocking the cradle in the creepy room with the spider thing. And also

There was a number of actors in this movie. Like there's a little kid with the glassy blue eyes who who's r on the swing. Swinging on the indoor tree. Yeah, exactly. And then there's the the cop that had invites him back in who just looks like He looks like Babette, but like young man version. Like just these

Huge they look like fucking aliens. All these actors. They all look like fucking space aliens. Like like from Planet Fine Asked. And they're and there's only a few people that are on there that have pictures, including the mystery man with the hat who looks like fucking Reverend Kane.

He's in a bunch of stuff. Or d Doom Harbinger guy. Yeah, you could tell'cause he's like the only one that was actually kind of like kinda acting. Yeah, he's in Hercules, the movie, he's in Devil Fish, he's in all these other movies. The other one that I recognize

is he's also got a picture and he's the guy with the fucking mouth at the beginning of the movie. Oh yeah, who had comments on the m how he has huge mouth. He's in two of your favorite movies. He's in one of your favorite movies and he's in one of your favorite movies. I know I know he looked familiar. What was it? He's in Robocop two. I don't know who he is In Robocop two, let me take a look. Um Fuck. But who is he in Robocop two? Toothy McFuckin Is there a Knickerbocker guy?

But he's in one of Brian's absolute favorite movies, and when I say it, you're gonna know exactly who he is. Go. Shawshank Redemption. Who's got a terribly huge weird mouth? He's Elmo the killer. Yeah. What? He's that guy. That guy one of the creepiest, most famous parts of that movie. Yeah. Yeah.

And he's that guy. Who's seen Robert Cup too? I'm gonna find that out. I'm gonna find that out right now. That's crazy. Yeah, now now I see it now. But that's like when you see him in this and he's young, but those teeth are like undeniable, you're like, whoa dude. The actor's name is Bill Bolander. He's in Robocop two as the cabbie. He's in Dante's Peak, he's in Shawshang Redemption, reality bites.

I don't I yeah, no. Cabby and Robocops. He's still going. He's like acting in the t to the twenty tens for sure. Um but dude. That must have been a pretty small roll. He's in a ton of shit. Yeah, he's in uh something small rolls, but I mean he's gotta cash in on those teeth somehow. Yeah, that mouth is fucking grotesque. Yeah.

So yeah, he does you know never has more than a a cameo in all these movies, huh?'Cause he was he's in this like just briefly. Just but the first thing you said is the big look in this guy's mouth. Yeah, I was like, he's he's gotta look. I look'cause I'd like to see the fucking guy in And he might still be. I didn't go through his whole Phil Mockery, I'm like, Is he the guy?

Smiling and naked and fucking hereditary. That's the kind of mouth that guy's got. I didn't see it. I think it w that would come up. Yeah. That would be I think I think more yeah.

I'm I'm a fucking lookout for him now. Yeah. That's crazy though. Wow. Our our guy, Professor what's his name? He's a professor of what? He says Oriental languages or something later. Yeah. Alan? It might as well have been spiders you were a professor of like what Yeah, just say spiders. Anyway, he's a he's a professor. Which is ridiculous.'Cause he's so fine. Professors darn that. He's young professor. They always call me the young professor. And he's got that fine ass car.

Yeah, it's got a sick red cat. His neighbors are like, Hi professor. Boying. That lady had a full blown heart on. Hard on. Have we talked about this? Hard on. We have talked about this. On is not a noun. That's two adjectives. A light is either on or it's off. Yeah. You it's an adjective. Right now I got I got a heart off. It's a few more. When you flip a switch on, it goes boon.

Switches Yeah. Up. Yeah, it makes sense. So har yeah. So you I it all makes sense to me, Josh. You hit me right in the on. The soft on. I have a soft on or a hard off. What is it? It's w uh an on. It's not an on. I have a hard out? That's a thing. Yeah, we gotta we gotta go. Hold on a sec. Out is a Yep, you're right. That's not a noun either. It is a thing people say. It is. Yeah. Hard on, hard out. But yeah. It's always follow it's always previously hard though. You can make a parsed potus

Whatever that participle, you can make a that. I got a stiff on, Josh. Is that better? I got a rigid on. What's hard again? My on. Yes. Sorry. I know it's i it's interesting. What what uh what are you trying to say with that? This language I understand the hard part, but what's the on part? Like Is it is it just that, the light switch, the on position? My dick's on hard medial. My dick's on hard.

But that's but to me like if you were like the most like a child and you looked at that and you're like Oh, it looks like a f light switch on. And it's a hard on. And it's hard. Yeah. Stiff on the side. It's a hard on. But then there's other light switches that are just little Knobs or a little bit. Yeah, but the tradition American switch. Boing. I'm pretty sure Hard N was definitely coined in the old US of A. And you th heart you think so?

I feel like I picture someone in Boston saying I have a heart on and they're saying they have a heart on They said that when they came over on the the middle flower. I think they're like Like I I have a Like my state is hard. I'm I'm in a rigid state. I'm in a rigid state. I have a hard on.

I don't want anyone. Babe, I got a r I'm in a rigid state right now. Very rigid state. I need you to deal with this. I'm in such a rigid state. Whatever anyone does, do not take all the times I've said I have a heart on and make a fucking dance mix out of it. 'Cause I'll b uh'cause I will have a hard off and I will have to some hard explaining to do to my lady love.

Okay, sorry. So that woman had a full blown heart on for a fucking young Schwarzenegger. He was pretty, but The flattest, weirdest, like so like soft spoken. Like the the rhythm of the dialogue sucks. Yeah. It's so snoozy. Everyone is not like On the ball. It's not rolling off their tongue. It's just I'm still trying to wake back up. It felt like they were stuttering. They weren't, but it felt it just it was so slow like that. Just tedious.

It felt it took forever to anyone spit anything out. Oh well they're just trying to fucking run the clock out. Yeah. They really are just trying to like speak as slowly as you can. We have three great ideas visually. I don't haven't thought about how I'm gonna make them long. Or hard. Yeah. But I have we know we have four still frames that we like. Yeah. Yeah. We we better save them for the end of the movie. What are we gonna do for the other outside of the movie?

For one scene. I don't know why. They just have to be sheets, though. White sheets. They did say something about the laundry earlier. Oh sure. But they said about the laundry being outside. Yeah. And they only they only do laundry for sheets, nothing else. No. No no nap wines. No sheets. Yeah. No pillowcases. I mean still that was like one of the better scenes though. It was the yeah, it was fucking ruled, right?

Yeah. It's what it's what you it's what I been wanting the whole fuck movie. I mean it's totally ripped from fucking Halloween, but like there's it's still pleasurable. It's still still it's rigidly hard. Yeah. Oh man, dude. You can edit into into a three minute music video. You know what? That actually apparently the director worked on some madness videos.

Some ska videos. Yeah, and what was this the the Budapest MTV weirdness thing? Budapest MTV was actually part of like the film crew. Weird. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, the best parts felt very music video. You they had like all out of nowhere just like weird cartoony lighting, you know, be like green, glowing green or a little bit of blue, some red. Yeah. And everything else is just like drab the rest of the movie. It was like Oh wait like they were halfway through the movie like Oh wait, Argeno does this cool thing in Suspiria with his lights.

We'll do that for you. Give me the green light. Yeah, two seconds. You know, and then they start they like actually start thinking about And they had like cool locations that they didn't use very well at all. Like there's this weird underground sewer area that was so sick and you see.

I g I guess. Sure. That was a labby ref. The fuck dude but it's so underused. I know, it's like I why did it like why did everything like you have the the spider labyrinth where the woman Spits and strangles and picks them up and stabs them. You don't have the climax of the movie happen there? That's where it should be.

But they're in a in a room in the hotel. But we need a liquor cabin. But we need to watch him drive around for fucking forty minutes getting lost. He's just literally driving around and back at the same fucking hotel. I mean just take me to Underground Lair. I'll just hang there for a minute. It's a cool little neighborhood. It's beautiful. Not a single soul in it. Except for the six in the cult here and then fucking professor.

And that's I mean that's kinda the what that does make it creepy. It does like have a creepy element when there's zero people in the town. I like that. It's like the last man on earth, but that's because the entire town is a cult. Yeah. And you're the only non cult person there. Fucking spider scar. Yeah. Which Is I didn't really, but it's just a it was just a carved entrance for a speeder to get it. It's actually a spider apparently under your skin.

Inside a scar and it just goes in there and dies? Yeah, a little stop. Does it go in there and live there? Or does it grow? I think they said it was like lived in you, like it was like in your brain or something. I mean I was Clearly in everyone's hard in you. I have a hard in. But like my problem with it as if if I can get started. Um

The spider thing. It's really baffling to me because it's like a spider already has cool things you can base off of like to make scary shit happen. But in this are just like Those teeth, not like a spider. No crazy hair not like a spider. No. Uh she's more like a cat. Yeah. I mean and she's making some crazy ass sounds. At one point she kinda sounds like I guess what you would think a spider would sound like in a cartoon.

But you don't ever h in the in the real world you don't ever hear what a spider sounds like. The lady ne yeah, she never looks spidery. She And also the web the web doesn't come out of their mouth, so it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it comes out of their butt. Show me the butt. Show me your butt. Yeah. What? Show me your butt. Show me your butt. Yeah. It's but it's just it's I'm like Okay, like so you're some s weird spider cult. There's actually like some spider god or some bullshit.

Not clear. You can spit and strangle people with your spit and then she's like the throw we throw a weird ball egg spider egg at you. What? So and it does oh well it's the spider that goes inside you that has a hard end. But where did they go I mean I think that cracked open in the catacombs. Yeah, to to get the the old old guy, old codger, to go inside him. Is that where it went? Yeah. 'Cause it'cause everyone we saw they ha ha got the

So egg they they end up hanging out in the fucking end. He was in the end? The old guy? Well, some of them. I mean a lot of the I mean like the guy with the hat and the I've I just have to assume because they all have that fucking scar. Gotcha. So a spider had to have shown up at some point'cause at the very end it showed

the ball hanging out in front of uh fucking George Michael there mmhm and then he had it in him in the very you know a little bit but I feel like they had to do like a ritual where they had to cut it and like let the spider into him wasn't it we probably just didn't see that part.

Mm. Sure, but like that's what I was worried because it didn't seem like that ritual happened for that old guy. That's why we just old guy it flew through his window and then of course later on he was definitely hung with a piece of Smeg. Yeah, I mean I'm not sure. Yeah, it is more smeg than I'm tr desperately trying to put pieces together that don't was her slobbering on him. That's the s that's the web. But like what was it doing? I'm not sure. She's just shooting a a mouthful.

spit or something. Here's some it's so clear. It's really clear. It looks like glycerine. Yeah. I think it was. She had a big old mouthful of it. Well when you talk about it in this movie I'm it like it makes It seems like it's cool. You're like, oh, there's a spire cult. Then clarify, please. Let people know. It's it's not cool. Yeah, it's not cool. It's but the idea is you're like, okay, if you're like, I want to make a movie, I have these ideas. They are Spider cult hungary.

Um And people trapped in a wardrobe closet. Yeah. There's a there's the there's a spider closet. Childhood trauma. The spider dimension of wardrobe. Yes. And then they have well I got these crazy teeth and they got the hair. And I got all these crazy actors are involved and they all have glassy blue eyes and look like f fucking aliens in the second Star Wars reboot.

It look seriously like close encounters with a wig on. Um I have a wig on right now. It's kinda like a hard on, but I did like the fake out with the wig. Yeah. The lady turns around all boom and then she like takes me. Yeah. Yeah. I could tell from your face. Right.

Uh her death was disappointing by the way. I wanted more of that chick. She was great. I I was like in again my brain working overtime. I was like, Ooh, is her head gonna break off and turn into a spider'cause they're totally biting the thing? I would hope it's I would hope that at some point her legs would all c fucking come off and she'd have fucking six limbs under there. Yeah. Well they had to do it.

They came they ripped off the thing eventually. And also that was pretty wild. The babies' best part of the entire movie. The worst part was like laughing, going, Oh shit, here we go. And then it just stopped abruptly. And we're back in America. The fucking stop motion budget fucking ended. It was so bizarre, like out of nowhere this fucking fetus that I love this little the tiniest little coffin opens up. Yeah.

You know, fucking Crypt Keeper style and then it's just like and the whole pink light behind it, silhouetted little fetus, and then you see this fucking thing morph into a spider-ish. But like spiders don't have a long neck. But this one did. That's fine. I'm okay with this. You know why? I like a long neck. Spider snake, guys.

It was a spider snake. There was a head on a stalk coming out of a spider's bod. I I like the fact that it looks like a fetus from far away and you get close and it looks like a forty year old man screaming at you. Yeah. Full head of hair, right eyed. It looked yeah, it looked fucking rowdy. Not a b not a little baby. No hair it's like receding. It was receding into a spider head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then when he turns his head down, he had the sick eyes and like multiple eyes and teeth. It was awesome. It looked like shit, but it was awesome. It's the best part of the fucking whole movie. When he's like, oh. I like splitting. Oh, yeah. Because the other guy's yelling, but they're showing the puppet and it looks like the puppet's yelling. Like if you just cut that out, people will be like, What the fuck is this?'Cause it just looks like that thing's yelling at you.

I I loved it. Yeah. I did. I read it. Pretty basic. Again, the best part of the fucking whole movie. Yeah. Straight up.

And the part you had actually. Why didn't it why didn't it do it more? Yeah. It's so stupid. Well, because the director's incapable of making it cool. Because like you think about these kind of ideas, like Layer of the White Worm has about as much makes about as much sense. But it's fucking Ken Russell just killing it. But what like what is that though? Like there there's a t a million movies like this where

There's literally thirty seconds of cool shit and the rest of the movie is just running out of the clock. Filler. Yeah. Filler. I feel like most movies are like that. Like most movies that are like second tier, third tier. Like most movies that make it to be popular are interesting throughout. Through they have to be you have to be. Otherwise if you you got three guys talking shit for an hour about the movie. Well especially nowadays and spreading the news.

Imagine if this was thank the dark lord that this fucking movie was ho an hour and a half. Well they couldn't make it any longer. I mean it felt a lot longer. Oh if they barely had enough for that. Yeah. I mean you slept through some of it three naps through that thing and I was Still more movie. Yeah. And waking up going, Oh, still going. He was still in the catacombs. I'm like, okay, well

Me up and he's not. Wake me when he's done fucking running in circles. Wake me when he's out of the Pirates of the Caribbean ankle deep in fucking human bodies that are kinda moving. Well wake me when he's done climbing off skulls that are way bigger than a human skull. And how we just how we just walking through that and m not talking about it or have any like actual scene. Especially when he talks to himself in a mirror early in the movie.

You would think he would be like, Whoa At least be like, Oh this is some crazy shit. Whoa the f like. How about this pretend to be scared for a second? Yeah. I don't know. That'd be nice. Even when he was getting Sliced. I wasn't really buying it. You would think that's the the where like the climax is gonna happen. In the catacombs and then in this fucking li you know, spider lair all the fucking corpses.

But no, it's just it's just a brief thing he walks through and then cut to something else boring. It's insane. But like again, like yeah, they're having the dopest set.

'Cause they're all real. They're all real places that I want to go visit. Yeah, w dude, what's that little fucking bathhouse there? That was great. Yeah, or the fucking opportunity sh the fucking hang some dog and see some butts. Nothing. Wait, didn't didn't Homegirl get out and we saw Bob. Oh, we saw her cheeks, but we had seen them already. Yeah, we're home. She gets out of the water, she's she's robeless. She's

Che cheeky. Yeah. And then homie gets out and just stands there swinging dong and you look back and he's got a robe on. Like, wait, hey. You cheated us. Even when he did his fucking dolphin jump, y he d like he didn't even see nothing. What was that? Everyone is like so calm and quiet and not moving and then yeah, he jumps out of fucking water like a goddamn maniac.

It's like flashing around what the fuck are you doing? It's like are you ten years old? Check the vibes in the room, bro. Like that's like like you take a kid to the fucking bathhouse. Like the cannibal Skadoosh. The fuck is wrong with you, man? Yeah. Like not not gool behavior, man. You gotta fucking read that. Be cool, dude. Yeah. Everyone here. It was quieter than dinner. And dinner was f a full ballroom and you could hear a fucking

Knives and plates and squeaky doors. Uh huh. I swear you could hear someone m br mouth breathing from across the room. That's not in the movie. It was a fucking caster crew member back in the club. The fuck is wrong with this movie? It could have been so rad. Cause that shot that you're talking about, the reason that we watched it is great. Yeah. This fucking fetus spider thing is great. Yeah.

What the fuck else? That's it. What the fuck did you do with the rest of it? The cool thing with all the arms could have been way cooler with like with her and the sheets. Still is good. I like the fucking stab in the forehead. That's red through the sheet. Your face pressed through the sheet. Yeah, right in through the forehead and we got the bloody sheets that you wanted. Of course. You can't have them white sheets in the fucking horror movie without getting them sprayed with blood.

What's the point of this? Yeah, what are we doing here even? And even then they didn't really they could have done it way like the fucking paint cans. Yeah. Yeah. Well, where's that ink stuff? Get that fucking shit fucking just You had like a zillion sheets in that yeah that place, so yeah.

We only got one wet with blood. Okay. I'll take it. Yeah. She was cool. I liked her look. She was like interesting. Of course it killed her off first. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. You can't have anyone too interesting. Yeah. Because in a house is Brian gonna fall asleep. Exactly. Ryan's like hey guys I picked this movie. It's nineteen eighty eight Italian horror film. And why don't you guys enjoy it while I take a nap? Because I haven't had a lot of sleep.

I wasn't even tired, but boy, that made me fucking tired. That's true. You were like, I said how you doing? You're like, I'm tired. And then you threw this fucking movie on the noosiest movie of all time. I thought it was gonna be actually. Lulled you to sleep. I thought it was at least gonna be just chalk filled, Boxer Zoman style of just banana shit. You wish. I wish and I I w we all wish. I did not get my wish. Uh Fucking severin you owe me.

Severin's got a pretty good record of bringing some pretty th you know, sinful dwarves our way and that kind of stuff. They got they got some they got good ones. They got a pretty good record too of bringing the fucking three minutes of cool shit and the rest of it fucking fillers. Yeah. Too ba too many of these movies are like that. It's a real shame. Well I think it's it could be great. Yeah, there's other I mean these we have a f a small amount of companies

fighting for those lost titles and the nuggets, you know. And you got fucking vinegar syndrome over here pulling a garbage pail of kids out of the fucking trash can literally. Yeah. And then you've got several like, okay, well how about uh Same almost the same year. How about Spider's Labyrinth? Like, no, that never came out for a reason. Is that even a real movie? It's like look at the actors. Look at the faces. And the print was gorgeous.

Yeah. They probably have to restore it, it's probably fucking in the director's frigil the whole time. It's probably yeah. It's never it's never been played yet. Yeah. Right? It works. It's not it's not long enough. Oh, you sure you didn't want to show'em like filling it up with gas or something? Let's let why stop for a fucking Hungarian coffee for a while. Yeah. Fuck me, dude. So boring.

But we did we did get a little n light nudity. Uh well, not light, but it was a little bit we saw we saw bush, we saw boobs, we saw ass. Yep. That was nice. Yeah, not a not a horror hog insight though. There was a huge opportunity, a missed opportunity for a dog to hang. Yeah, homie wanted to show it. Even though Spider Baby could have had a fucking dong hanging.

I feel like if if you really interfere the legs, you and Hanson zoomed in for a few frames as he was sitting up and turning around looking for fucking Genevieve. You would have seen the curvature of it. And we get like the whole five seconds of Like stop motion craziness. It looks bad shit. It looks it's they it's the works. Yeah. Spider legs bust out the sides.

the thing stock head pops off and then in the rolls his he forehead forward so you see the top of his dome which has got a spider's face. He's yellow. And they're like, hard cut, back in Texas. I'm in my convertible. Like that's how about that too? He gets back to the reverend and the two guys and he's like Right after you left The pr other professor sent us a bunch of polaroids in detail from every angle. Oh that's great news. After all I went through in Hungary. I didn't have to. Oh, great.

You had all that already, huh? That was that's straight comedy. Yeah, it was. Like, dude, a phone call would have been nice. You you knew the hotel I was staying in, right? Fucking amazing dude. That was literally Oh to think to get all that right after uh after all I went through in Budapest, huh? That's why I killed him. He's not possessed by a spider. He was fucking angry. Fucking he's like, you motherfuckers, I got a spider living in me now'cause of you. And I had to watch that fucking dude

Right above me with his fucking spider legs and dingus and his fucking head on his top, screaming. You don't even know what happened after that. You don't even wanna know. You don't even wanna know. It was so harsh the cameras exploded and the film stopped working. No, that would have been too interesting to to have shown. How about some more driving around? Oh here's him driving through Dallas now. Now back in Dallas. Fucking hell bro.

I but uh you know that w that one scene I feel like like I want that t-shirt. I want that uh a poster that I mean I I I'm I'm a fan of that. I do feel like that most people would make that same mistake and be like, ooh, that looks cool, we should watch it. You know, this what this means I see this happening now. Like there's years and years of shitty movies like this. They have a fucking one scene and then they have the rest is trash and boring. Yeah. And then

Someone has the bright idea to stick Donald Pleasants and Nancy Allen to the beginning and call it terror in the aisles and take all the best clips from all these shit boring movies. So you will we t we we fucking take all those moments And then we just do'em and put'em one movie. Yeah. We'll just read put a fucking woman a crazy crazy wig with fucking spiky teeth and a knife and a Phantom of the Opera fucking outfit and and then whatever, you know.

Take all these fucking moments and put one whole fucking movie. There you go. Yeah. Bing bang boom. Done. Yeah. And when you have the urge to f shoot someone driving around for f half hour. Resist. Don't resist it. Just go back to the writing room and come up with some kooky shit for us to look at. Because there this is that's film. They're fucking spending film. Yeah. Driving around hungry for hours. Yeah. Like what? Who's whose money were you using? MTV Budapest. Yeah.

Oh my god. It's bananas to think about the amount of footage. I wonder I wonder why it wasn't available for the longest time. Severin's like, oh, we should get a hold of fucking spider labyrinth. And they're like, I remember being sick. Like, let's contact the director. He's like, Oh yeah, here you go. Please, please. Fucking curse. Yeah. I would like a hundred and fifty dollars American, please. I fucking slap across the mouth and a coke. Your problem now.

I wish we would have watched The Suckling. You think that would have been any better? Get real. I

I think so. What what one scene have you seen from it? Tell me. The baby sh Here we go. See, this is the pro gets flushed down the toilet, yeah, shoots into the sewer and then mutates into a crazy monster. We should have watched we should've watched the suckling. Yeah, the suckling is Brian's next pick. Yeah, we should have a big thing. We should've watched the suckling. You know? This has been a whole month of us blowing it. That's ok, that's the theme of the month.

It started with crawl space and I understand. It's becoming two months. We're spilling into April. That's right. It hasn't been a full month yet. Well it's your pick next week, so we'll see what happens. Oh I got shot us covered. Bring us out of this truck. I'm seeing the light at the end of the fucking spider dungeon. At the end of the sewer. Oh I hope. I was li I mean, yeah. I could have picked something that I think would have been actually good. And I think. Don't blame yourself.

We're all in this decade. I do I do like sometimes just like hope'cause I haven't seen something that there might be an actual hidden gem.'Cause when we find those it's it's it is Glorious. It's just we celebrate. Oh we found one. Holy shit. I definitely think Boxer's Omen is one of those. Absolutely. It is. Oh yeah. We did One Dark Knight was one of those for us. Oh yeah. I think Neomaniacs is one of those for me. Sure.

Well, One Dark Night, thank heavens we all sat and watched Terror in the Isles together and then saw that come and we're like, Wait a minute. That that one. That thing I need to know what that is. And then we were like Watched th literally through the credits. We're like, that's what that is.

Yeah. That's what that was. Fucking what's his name? The t all toothy McFunn and stuff? What the uh McFunn McFunnin stuff? No, what's the dude what's the dude from One Dark Knight that's got the fucking big old mouth? He's m I always want to say Walter Mathow Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He played uh he was in uh Ed Wood. Oh. Uh Um Wait, no, you're talking about Alone in the Dark.

Oh fuck, we saw both of these movies. Okay, yeah. No that you're you're also gems. Martin Landau was in one was in Alone in the Dark. Which is also amazing. Yeah. It's just also a gem. One Dark Night, way more of a One Dark Knight is easy. Daily Daily. And the crazy fucking dude. Jennifer Tilly lightning out of the mausoleum. Make Tilly, the original Tilly. For some reason whenever I and I've done this probably since we've watched both of those movies, every time I hear

One Dark Knight, I think, of Alone in the Dark. It makes yeah, it's i they're they're interchangeable and at least in title. Yeah. But oh yeah. Both those movies were like the two that we pulled from Terry Nell said these are the w these are the two movies we need to research research and get'em.

and look at'em and they were kinda hard to find really. Yeah. I mean easier now. Dog, remember we rented that from fucking VideoDroid. Dude. We rented Alone in the Dark from Video Droid and just passed it around.

God, I miss video stores. Good old days. Yeah. Fuck. It's weird that we've been doing this that long, that those are the good old days and we were doing it today. Zero video stores anywhere around us anymore. It's crazy. Man. Well, we did it though. We got through it. Spider's Labyrinth in the bank. Now we know. Yep, that's right. If anyone asks, we put in the time. We've seen it. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, I've seen it. It's a movie, sorta.

What do you gotta say about it? Where do you s where do you rely on Spider's Labyrinth? Hard off. I I you know, I wan I'm also part of me really wants to keep giving like Italy a chance. And the stupid part is, is I keep picking random shit when we could just pick fucking Suspiria. Or pick the church. Or pick Tenebrae. Or pick fucking any any of those other ones that are actually decent. That's not on brand for us. I don't blame us for that either.

For at least for me, the neophiliac part of me that wants to be like I want to see something I have not yet seen. Right. And I want it to to blow my mind. Yeah. Yeah. But like Dude, Sysperia is so fucking dope. We have never done it. We talk about still doing it all the time. Why don't I pick it? I love that movie. I just I love the remake. I I just watched it again the other night. Both of those are fucking dope. I've never seen the remake. You could have picked that.

Don't act sad. I understand where you're coming from. Wake me up when I'm done trying. Oh man. Ha ha ha.

It's okay. We should take a lesson from it, it's true. Wake me up when I'm done crying. Oh my god. Fuck man. But yeah, I dude, I snoozed through that thing. And I didn't miss a few. I didn't mean barely blink. Dude, yeah. I mean I yawned the whole way through, but I watched it. I saw every second more vertic or more horizontal. Slumping down. Slide everyone to the table once. Yep.

Brutal. But all right. Well thanks for taking that ride with me. Better next time. I'm not I'm not entirely bummed, but it was I had a good time. It was sleepy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're putting in the work so some listeners don't have to. Yeah. So I don't know if everyone listener out there watches along first or if they have the sense

To go on IMDB, look at the fucking rating and then go, yeah, no. No, we'll listen to what they have to do. What is that rating on for spider's labyrinth? I'm curious. I didn't look on IMDb. Probably no rating because no one's fucking seen it. Yeah, probably not. The spider labyrinth. is a WH Six point two That is w what? Wait and how many people rated it? Just vinegar syndrome or as a director. Thirteen hundred and ninety seven ratings. Put it at a six point two. How many of those are in Italy?

It doesn't say. Not none that I can tell. That's Crazy. That's surprising. Cause that that is not And they they what? They only watched two minutes of it? The two glorious minutes that we know of? If you watch the trailer, I bet that's all you need. I bet the trailer is banging. I mean th it better be,'cause there are exactly a trailer's length of things to show. Yeah. Fuck. How how?

Did they see what I saw? Did you see what I saw? Some bush, some tea and Arnold Schwarzenegger's kid's ass. I liked it. I liked what I saw for part of it. I liked part of what I saw. I liked all of what I saw. But I was bored by seventy five percent. It's so fucking boring. It's I I can't believe that th sixteen hundred people sat through it. That's kind of bananas. That's amazing to me. So those are the things that I'm gonna do. Yeah.

Oh my lord. Well let's thank our sponsors so we can go back home and go to sleep. Yes sir. Brian, you got no reason to be sleepy anymore. You got a full fucking eight hours during it. Um let's thank Word Horde Emporium of the Weird and Fantastic for being a sponsor of the show and for selling such great books and such great items in their store in Petaluma. Yeah.

They have everything you could want if you're into horror, fantasy, sci-fi, whatever. Yeah. Um great selection of books. Just fantastic. Yeah. You can get uh ten percent off if you go in person, which is twenty two hundred Petaluma Boulevard North in Petaluma.

Or at their website at weirdandfantastic dot com. Yeah, and use midnight. That's right. For ten percent off. Yeah. Save yourself some money. Yeah. And I mean uh if they don't have something that you're looking for on the website or in person, just ask'em. They'll get it for you if it's still in print and uh You'll be stoked if you go in there. I can't not leave with stuff. So

Well I went in there and I've I I spent fifty bucks. Yeah. And I was like Yeah. I didn't feel even feel bad about it. Feel great about it. But I've got now I've got amazing books. Yeah. No, I got I got a bunch of more books that I want to buy, so yeah. Um, but yeah, we thank them for sponsoring the show. They're so awesome and uh you should go check them out. Check'em out. Weirdandfantastic dot com. And also the next record store in Santa Rosa. Yeah. Proud

proudly have them as a sponsor. They're so great to to talk about. I've been working there Since I was a fucking in my twenties. Yep, they got you dancing now. They got me doing a jig. Dance boy. Welcome back now. Cut a rug. Um Silliness, but I I l I'm also happy to do silly shit for the Yeah, you're in a record store. How fucking fun is that? I was listening to fucking

Simple minds today. We are a rock and is it just like uh Empire Records? Is it just like that, Josh? Mm-hmm. Is your life just like that? Or is it more like the one with Jack Black and uh It's not like that either. It's different. Every record store's got its own vibe, and ours is just the next record store's vibe. Okay. It's like you ever see that movie The Next Record Store?

No. You can see it at eighteen ninety nine Mendocino Avenue in Santa Rosa. We're on Instagram. Yeah. You're or at Instagram watch that fifteen second movie of me cutting a ruck. So silly. But uh yeah, it's a great store. Um we're listening to all kinds of great music today. The new Thundercat is incredible if you haven't seen that. The new

Snailmail, we listen to that, the new Robin C D we listen to that. What great music is out there. I always wanted to work in a registrar just'cause I'm like, I'm gonna listen to what I wanna listen to. It's been like I was ska ball ska, right? Hell yeah. Partially Scott. Believe it. When I worked at skate shops for that's why I just I would loved it because I'm like, I'm fucking I'm the DJ. Yeah, you are the DJ. It's great. Yeah. You gotta have the music on. But it was yeah, I mean for that

few years I wasn't working at the record store, I didn't know what music was like. I didn't know what new me new music was out there. Yeah. I was just listening to the old shit. And now I'm like, okay, these new records are great. I am very fortunate to be asked back. So yeah. I'm there on Wednesdays, but you can go anytime. Um they're open every single day in Santa Rosa. And if you wanna get ten percent off of the records and CDs and DVDs and shirts and t shirts

And posters you can go uh put in forever at the checkout box or tell'em we sent you in person. Yep. And if you come into town, uh Petaluma or Santa Rosa and you wanna visit one of these awesome uh sponsors of ours, you should hit us up too. Yeah. We'll go around. One of us is around or all of us are around. We'll

Go say hi. Yeah, absolutely. Um again the thenex record store dot com and weird and fantastic dot com. Thanks, guys. Yeah, we thank them for sponsoring the show and we thank you all for listening to the show. Yes. Thank you for listening. Yeah. We did just on Patreon, we did just drop Garbage Pill Kids. We did. Yep. So with their we finally did it. The the scariest movie we've watched in a month. Yeah. It's ki it is, actually. Whoa. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah.

Hm it's scary just in concept like we're fucking up guys. We're no this we've done we've done wrong lately. But um That's okay. We're gonna we're gonna turn it around. Yeah. Josh is gonna turn it around for us. Yeah. But that's that was a fun episode. If you haven't heard it yet, uh you know, go check it out on Patreon. I'm sure I'm sure you've seen it. I'm sure it's

You know, traumatize you as a child. Yeah. Yeah. Go see it again. It'll traumatize you in an adult if it's the first time you're seeing it. You'll be like, How did this happen? Ja, het is amazing. Go check us out at patreon dot com slash forever midnight if you wanna go over there. Uh at f the five dollar level you there's like almost a hundred episodes now up there that are uh

I mean we do some commentaries, we do weird movies like Nothing But Trouble and Garbage Puzzle Kids. Uh, you know, that aren't quite horror but very adjacent and uh They got a toe. We got a toe in the genre. And if you wanna help us out too, uh you can check out our store, which is forevermidnight dot store. Yeah, we sh we got shirts, records, all kinds of shits. Uh we have we have a pin reissue. Oh yeah. Oh, we've we brought a classic back.

Which people have been asking about for a while. It's been God, it's probably been about six or seven years or longer than that since we we did it. But might be closer to ten, y'all. Yeah. And it's not up there yet, but it'll be up there maybe this week or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh but We redid the sick ass reanimator.

Design that Jeff. Design that Jeff made. Yeah. So um if you haven't seen that before, um what we're gonna be posting about it. Um but yeah, we haven't done a pin in a long time and we were like, let's redo this one. So yeah, this is pretty good. It's a popular pen. It's it's a oh, it's a beautiful pen. That's These things are in the works.

the store check out our Instagram uh you know and of course drop us a comment or leave a review or follow us on those things and we'll let you know when the new stuff's And we appreciate it. Yeah, talk to you soon. Bye. is recorded. Movie Research Center in The music was... Recorded by Paul. Linda Amari, Elliot Whitehurst, Paul Hale.