Ep -360: Demon Wind.

hello listeners hello again i am your horror host with the most um josh I lost it. I fell out of character. Sorry. Sorry. I can't keep that up at all. I don't intend to. Who would want to? I would like you to at least do it for one episode. You know, we need more horror hosts in the world, don't we? We do. Just legitimate ones. Cool ones. Cool ones. Maybe Josh.

I think you're the guy. You think it's me? I think so. You could be the guy. I think you need a wig, though. Yeah, you need to wig me up. I'm going to have an Elvira wig. Us Baldwin, we can't be horror hosts without hair. Our heads are made for wigs. Yeah. Wig me. Yeah, you need a good wig. Even if it's like a skirted eggshell wig. Cryptkeeper was a beautiful bald man. Yeah, but he's also a puppet. A real person.

If it's a real person, yeah. I guess I could crypt keep. I could keep a crypt. I could just grow my hair and I would look like the crypt keeper. That's an iconic look. Like a well-fed Crip Keeper. Not saying that you're eating better than the Crip Keeper. Crip Keeper. Thank you? You look at least 10% better than the Crypt Keeper. There's no way. It just gets better. There's no way out of this. If you say I'm fatter than the Crypt Keeper, then I should say thank you, because he's a corpse.

I, of course. No, I, yeah, I mean. You can introduce that sex appeal. You're, you're the halfway. Like an Elvira. Like an Elvira Crip Keeper. Hey, yeah. Elvira Crip Keeper. Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere in between. I just want to land somewhere in Sex Appeal, somewhere in between Elvira and the Crypt Keeper. That's a good goal. Yeah. I think I might already be there. That's a pretty small window, so you're probably fine. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Grow it out. Let's see. Let's do it. I'll go mine out too. Double crypty. We'll unveil our results in three years. Until then, what are you having a little bun? Until then, I tuck it into a, I'll just have a, I'll tuck it in underneath my collar. There you go. You can't see. Are you just going to wear turtlenecks? I'm going to have turtleneck. That goes over my head like.

Like Igor in fucking... I want to rock a ball cap. I'll do that. Makeup every day. So you look the same. Yeah. You know, the spirit gum, the whole thing. Just a ball cap in the back. Every day. No one will know. And then three years later, it'll be like... Ta-da. Guess what? Oh, no. Oh, gosh. Oh, my God. I bleached it white. It's so thin. Yeah, it's the thinnest. It's always been the thinnest.

That'd be fun, though. You know, it would be easy. You know what you have to do to prepare for that? Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Just lay back and let it grow, baby. And then just eat like once a week. By the time the hair's ready, your body won't catch up. Just sit in the sun, get leathery as fuck. Super leathery. Let those teeth just do what they do naturally. Go away. Let your cat eat your nose.

That's the Crypt Keeper Diet. Just be dead. Is there any... I mean, I know there's good. There's still horror hosts, but is there any... Well, I guess it'd be Joe Bob would probably be the best... The most fan favorite horror host currently, right? Yeah, but Joe Bob ain't creepy. No, he's not creepy. Like all the other ones. He's knowledgeable. Yes. Oh, he's very smart. He's a great host. Yeah, and he's got Darcy and her dumbbells.

So, he's doing good. He's doing fine. You saying Josh is creepier? With a skirted eggshell, yes. Okay. There's no good way around this. Put me in the game. Put me in the horror host game. What's that pay? What's the benefits look like? I think it pays nothing. I think we need to figure out, I mean, we have, you know who should be the, who would be the best horror host and kind of already is, is Peaches.

Oh, yeah. Peaches should be – Have a show. Should have a show where they're just – where she's just a horror host and she introduces movies and she's just bawdy and horny and gross and – Yeah. She – I think Shudder or somebody should do it. Someone should pick up Peaches as a horror host. I think she was just on the Boulay Brothers recently. I believe it. She's very busy. One more thing to Peaches Plate. Let me add it.

It was our birthday yesterday, too. Happy birthday, Peaches. Happy birthday, Peaches Christ. Yeah. The greatest. The one and only. How's your guys' week been since we last recorded into the new year?

Any better? Oh, God, I'm back to work, guys. Yeah. What? Why? Can I have more time off? Can I just not work anymore? Yeah, you just get fired and laid off and then you have tons of time. Ask me. How's that working for you, Brian? You happy? How you doing? You doing all right? No. Okay. Sorry I asked. Delete that. I'm sorry, Brian. No, it's all good. I can't complain.

I shan't complain. How are you, Jeff? Oh, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Anything new with you, sir? No, no, nothing new here. You're quite over there today. No, yeah, I'm just deepening my thoughts here. Yeah, thinking about our lovely sponsors and how great they are. Well, we didn't talk about our dicks yet. Oh, we'll get there. Can we...

You kind of did just now, Brian. That's our cue. Think about Brian's dick. That's our cue to thank WordHorde for being a sponsor of our show tonight. WordHorde Emporium of the Weird and Fantastique. Of Petaluma, California. That's 2200 Petaluma Boulevard North. If you visit the town of Petaluma, which you should, it's the city where I'm from. Beautiful, beautiful town. Yeah. Just there the other day. Yeah, it's great. And they're a purveyor of books.

and games. They're a publisher of books. They have all kinds of amazing shit in that store. Check it out. It is the place if you need a special gift or something for yourself. It's going to be Valentine's Day soon. You should go maybe...

Take a look on their website or in their store and get something for your loved one. My birthday's coming up. Buy me something. There you go. Jeff needs some new socks. I need gifts. Your birthday's the day after Valentine's Day? Yeah. That's right. That's right. Love her boy. Love me. Get me.

Yeah. But yeah, so go support them. They're awesome. They're super knowledgeable. Great folks. If you go to their website, because you shouldn't be going anywhere else to buy books, go over there and you can use the discount code MIDNIGHT for 10% off. That's right. That's weirdandfantastic.com. Yeah. And if they don't have something in stock that you're looking for, hit them up. They'll get it for you. Yeah, for sure. I thank them for sponsoring the show. Absolutely. Welcome to Forever Midnight.

a joyful discussion of horror in cinema with your hosts Jeff Olvern, Josh Staples, and Brian Henderson. 11 55 almost midnight enough time for one more story one more story before 12

this wall. And now on to our show. Wind! That's wind! That's wind, Brian! outside. It's windy. It's demon wind. I'm surprised there wasn't. And wind. There wasn't really much wind, but we'll get there. There was wind. There was wind? Why do you think the fog was moving so fast? Because of wind. Yeah, but... That's fog. How do you think fog moves? Wind. Wind. But it wasn't demon wind. It was just fog wind. Oh, you didn't see any demons, did you? Do you know where they were? Right behind the wind.

They're pushing the frog. I'm pushing the wind. Where do you think wind comes from? Demons. They push air around. They push the wind. Come on. I was wondering. I couldn't figure it out. Science, Brian. Go back to school. Fucking read a phone one time. Jesus. Jesus, Brian. Demons make wind. Got it. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Hey, we're done. We're not done. Oh, there's more to it. Oh, but this movie was.

That's all we need. That's all there is. That's all you need to know. Demon wind. The fart of a demon. I really thought this movie was about farts. Really? It's a horror comedy. It's got to be about farts. If it was made now, that'd be the total case. And so I've avoided this movie. It's the worst title I can imagine. Demon Wind. Even Alyssa came to me today and was like, Demon Wind, huh? Is that about farts? I think this movie might have done better if it had a...

Better title. Or just made it about farts. Or just lean into the fart thing? Yeah. I think the title, just switching the title would have been fine. Demon Fog would have been better. It'll blow you away. No. Demon Wind. Stop. Wind was hardly an aspect of the movie. There was one scene with a bunch of fog. Do you know that fog was real? How? It was real. How? A demon poops out the fog. CGI, that's for sure. This is 1990, so no CGI. No, The Fog. No. I say no. I reject your claim.

I reject the internet's claim as well, Brian. I don't care what you're going to pull up on your phone. I reject that claim as well. Because it just... on cue would just roll in it was only one dude they filmed this thing in 24 days it was one day there was fog and they utilized it it's like ah it's been pretty windy today one out of 24 days Demon Wendy today. Would you say... Hey, that's a bad title. Let's use it. Let's lean into that. Yeah. Now the electrical little... The force field.

that was protecting them? That wasn't real, just so you guys know. That wasn't part of the atmosphere? That wasn't real. Oh. But the fuck? You know what I'm realizing here? Because this is a Patreon pick. It is. By our... dear friend Lexi of Cincinnati, Ohio, who has already, who's done a pick in the past. Yeah. But Lexi was visiting California not that long ago. And we started watching this movie together.

And then we gave up because it was late. And I'm realizing. Not because it was really good or? I actually was really enjoying it. I got to the point. Only to the harbinger at the gas station. And then we stopped it. We should have never revisited it, but still I'm realizing that Lexi may have picked this movie.

But actually, I picked this movie. But she picked it back so you could finish it. Double backsies? Yeah. She's like, oh, you're going to finish it. Oh, you're going to finish it. I'm not going to watch it, but you're going to watch it for sure. Does Lexi have a message of why she... She does. Let us hear, with the homegirl Lexi, The Wind of Demons. Hey, y'all. It is my right as a top dog. Go ahead. Make the noises now.

To use my choice for the good of the people, and by that I mean for my birthday. Which might have been two months ago, but we're not going to talk about that because time is a flat circle. Come on. Anyway, I would humbly request for y'all to please watch the movie Demon Wind. No. I have picked this movie because it has everything. It has demon titties. It has demons grabbing titties. It has a Suzuki sidekick.

It has eyebrows. It has goat feet. I think it has some acting, writing, special effects, makeup. Hard to disagree. I mean, I don't know what quality they are, but they've certainly got it in this. And a bunch of actors who are going to drive you absolutely bonkers because you know you've seen them in something.

But what? I don't know. Anyway, it's going to drive you crazy. It drove me crazy. And, you know, really the reason is I started watching this with Josh. Yep, see? And I'm a completionist. So leaving the thing partially watched. Not an option for me. Right. So, unfortunately, it's not an option for you either. All right. All right. Anyway, this whole movie...

has the opportunity to be just a fart joke after a fart joke. See? Beat you to it. Like, you know, just quality good time having a bad time. Okay. Anyway. Please don't hate me after you watch it. Because that would be very sad. Okay. Love you. Bye. Bye. Thank you, Lexi. Lexi, where are you recording this? Why are you whispering?

It's so close. We've got to be quiet. We've got to talk about the wind. Oh, shit. The wind. You don't want to speak too loudly. You got the voice catch on the wind. Yeah. She should record like an AMSR podcast or something. She was good. I think she set her phone down on a fence post in a field and then spoke downwind. Down demon wind? Upwind. Wait. Up demon wind? Wait, if you speak upwind, that means your phone is downwind.

We were geniuses here. Oh, yeah. We know things. The movie, I think it starts strong. With the scene with the mom and the... In the 1931. The classic Evil Dead-ish. Such an Evil Dead bite. This thing wants to be Evil Dead so bad. And Night of the Demons and Prince of Darkness and Night of the Living Dead. It's all these things in a mash.

Demon movies, like movies that are like about demons so that, like when I say this, I mean the movie Demons and Night of the Demons. They scare me more than other movies. Really? They do, because I don't understand the rules. Yeah, for sure. You're more confused than scared, really. I'm confused and scared. Being confused scares me. And also, like something about, like when I saw the movie Demons.

Yeah. Which is the one that takes place in the theater, the classic movie that we've never talked about. How have we never talked about it? How have we never done that? I do. I love it. And it's leaps and bounds better than other demon movies we've seen. And. Recently.

Yes. Very recently. But the, um, like something about it scares me because it's like in the same way that the evil dead scares me because evil dead, I know the rules and it still scares me because they're just like scary. They're having such a good time. scaring me. You know, that's the thing. The Evil Dead relishes in scaring you. Sure. And there's some genuine scares there. Always. Yeah. Always for me, at least. The Evil Dead...

like two and the series and all these other movies, they scared the living shit out of me all the time. If I watched evil dead two right now, I would jump. I've seen a hundred times. Really? It still scares me. See, I'm like, I think that the first times I watched those when I was younger, it worked. Yeah. And now it like the form, the formula for demon movies is like, to me is just like, we know it.

We know all the beats. But I like it, too, though. Do you like it? I do like Dean. I think I'm over it. I think it's right there with fucking Frankenstein. I like watching them, like, try to speak with those teeth in their mouth. And then, like, I'm just waiting for them to fall out.

Oh, they almost fell out a couple times. And they do like the weird overdub, but sometimes they forget. So then one time there'll be like a regular voice trying to speak through some fucking dentures. Sometimes they put like 10 voices on it and you can't hear a thing. You're like, I need to put the subtitles on this demon movie.

My subtitles, what did you guys watch this on? I watched it on fucking Tubby. Oh, I watched it commercial free on Night Flights. Okay. How are the captions? Oh, I didn't watch it with captions. I don't watch it with captions. Who do you think I am? I'm an old man. I need captions. I think you're young, Brian. Young people, Gen Z is captioning. I'm young, man. You're a young wind? I'm young wind. I'm young wind. That's my rap name.

Young wind. My family might disagree with the young wind. Those winds are old. Those are old winds. Those are old winds. Dusty winds. Oh, that was an old wind. Dusty winds is my rap, baby. You've been saving that one for 25 years. Dusty winds. That's your country star name. I'm coming to the stage with his old ass Dusty Winds. Howdy, y'all. My wind precedes me. Are you upwind or downwind?

That's the name of the album. I love it. It's a double album. Upwind and Downwind are the two albums. Fuck. But those movies scare me and like...

Demon movies scare me. Not just movies entirely. No, I know. I just love the things that scare you, Josh. It's stupid. It's stupid. I love it too. Demons are awesome. I knew you would like it. I knew Jeff would hate it. But I'm like, I bet Josh is going to love this movie. I like it up to a point.

It starts to make so little sense. I'm like, give me a fucking break. Like literally, I'd like to take a break, please. I would like to stop watching it, eat a snack, watch something else for a moment, and then come back and finish it up. It feels much longer than it is. It's a long 136 minutes. But I do like it. It's got moments, man. It's got moments. Sure, it's not great, but it has some.

probably liked more had a better title more people would have saw it yeah convoluted wind the whole convoluted wind yeah yeah makes sense 60 years ago an entire family vanished without a trace now one young man must face The demon wind. Now you see it. Now you don't. Now you're dead.

I think we watched 45 minutes of it, maybe 40 minutes of it before we turned it off. And maybe less, but I feel like they got to the cabin and then they have the optical illusion where they're going into the cabin and it's like... Just a facade, but there's a room in there. There's a mansion in a shack, like a cartoon. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, I love that. I love that shit. Give me a special effect. Simple effect, but we love it. Cool, conceptual idea. I thought it was like a fuck-up.

I was like, well executed. Yeah. I was like, what? There's three rooms in this thing. Like I saw from outside has one wall. Yeah. But then I realized that that was happening. But, and then later on it. They lean into it hard where the windows and stuff are happening, where people are coming in and going out of windows and it's like showing both sides of it and it's pretty wild. But I was like, what's our guy's name? Corey or something. Yeah, it's Corey. It is Corey, yes. Fucking Corey.

He's a problem. He's a fucking menace. Yeah. Okay, so you're going to go out here knowing there's some kind of issue, like your family died in some mysterious way. You want to get to the bottom of it. So you force all your... All of them. Friends and loved ones that come out here and potentially be in harm's way. In shifts. In all their own cars. Yeah. You're like...

We're going to lose a couple by 24 hours, so I need another set of friends to show up because we know we're going to lose some. I won't drive any of you. You have to come on your own, record. End your cars and take your time off work and die. I want you all to die. And no one has a clue why they're there, right? Except for him. Yeah, he didn't tell anyone until they got there. He didn't tell his gal. We're here for you, bud.

Even after the old man was telling him not to go up there and then probably give him directions to where it is. He still was like, okay, well, I guess I could die up here. Me and my friends, let's go. And my girlfriend, and great. I love how fast Harbinger fucking switches his tune, where he's like...

Don't go there, boy. He's got a gun to his fucking shitty buddies. There's nothing out there. Nothing that you want. It's right up the road. About two blocks. You see the tree, you take a turn. This thing isn't even loaded. I want to take a left up there at the skeleton. You're right. Why wouldn't he have just been like, that place is...

Three miles to the other direction, you know, just like point somewhere else. Yeah, go find it somewhere. Yeah. And then how does that baby? Don't be like, no, what are you talking about? Don't go out there. Oh, they burnt that place down. There's nothing there. We don't. Or. But how did the. OK.

They couldn't find it without consulting old man Winkerbean. How did his friends show up? The second day. They talked to Winkerbean. They talked to Winkerbean, too. And he's just sending them up there now? He's like, oh, yeah, I'll kill all of you later, so. Because that was him later they show as the fucking. He's the main demon. The main demon. Mr. Wind. Yeah. Old Dusty Williams. Wait, Sid was my father. Wait. I'm Dusty. Call me Dusty. Does Mr. Wynn Jr. become...

Is he the demon? He's the big demon at the end. Is that supposed to be the devil? Or is that just a demon? The son of the devil. Son of the devil. Right, right. Devil Jr. Yeah. Devil Wynn Jr. Senior. So wait. Did I miss something? Yeah.

We all missed something. Like the story. The plot. The sequence of events. But it was so convoluted. There were so many storylines, but they didn't make sense for the fucking lick. Okay, here's something I don't want to breeze over because it took me a while to figure out. Like, I don't recognize anybody in this movie except one man. The best man. The best man in the movie. The magician. Karate magician. Pancakes. Karate magician. Pancaking. That is the main guy from Shock I'm Dead.

The long-haired. Angel from Shock and Dead. Sells his soul to the devil, surrounded by all those dead women in his apartment. Tell me, is he really supposed to be a magician or is that just like a fun intro he was doing? Because he seems more like a kung fu guy. He is a kung fu guy. Yeah, he's a kung fu guy.

He's actually a Kung Fu guy. Well, that's obvious. But in the story, they drop the magician thing so fast and it never really comes into play again. They're back in their regular clothes by the time they get to the house. Yeah.

They drop it and then he doesn't change in his tuxedo in the car. He doesn't do a switcheroo like sleight of hand to the demons at any point. Like nothing of this magic. I think it was just like a cool intro they thought of. Hey, this will impress them. Hey, we got these chicks. We'll do some. bad magic, and then I'll do a couple karate kicks. At least I could have done something like that. But what an intro, though. You just come riding up in a fucking convertle with a cape? No demons.

No one has to die in this movie. All we need to do is have those guys in all their cool cars drive over hills and do magic and fight. That would be fun. Fight each other. I'd watch that. If the movie just kept going from what it was in the beginning, I'd watch the whole thing again. Just driving over these beautiful green hills. I love it. Magic wind. Yeah, I love all the curvature when the car pops, the Jeep pops over, the Cherokee pops over. Yeah.

Looks like the Microsoft fucking hills. Two Jeeps. Yeah, and then the fucking... Yeah, I love it. And I love seeing that fucking guy. Steven Quadros. He is a weird looking fucker. He didn't even try to learn magic for this shit. But he did learn karate. He already knew karate. That much I'm certain of. I did a little research on our homie Stephen Quadros because I love both movies he's in. I love the first half of the second one I've seen him in.

But he's in a ton of shit. He apparently is a real rocker, real drummer in a band. That's how he really came to LA and just became an actor because he was into martial arts and he was like a martial arts guy doing, trying to do movies and. Not necessarily action movies, but he would do martial arts movies. To this day, he's like doing like UFC announcing. What? Because he's doing mixed martial arts stuff. He just will announce. He's a weird looking dude.

No one wants to hire him for a birthday to do some magic tricks or something? No, magic is not his thing. I will hire a karate magician in a second. But he has to learn some. This guy didn't do shit. You saw him pull some flowers right off his sleeve. He pulled a pigeon out of his fucking shirt pocket. What for?

Just out of the pocket. There was no fanfare. He just goes, here's a fucking bird. It's just out of my pocket. Yeah, there's nothing fancy about it. No puff of smoke. Nothing. He was wearing a tuxedo, though, so he's a magician. Yeah, he had white gloves on, so you know it's legit. But when you see that guy's face, like, he's like a poor man's Kevin Bacon in a way. But he's also, like, if Kevin Bacon was half demon. Demon Bacon. Demon bacon. Bacon wind. Yeah. I've been there. I think that...

And I've seen him these days. I watched a reel he was doing recently and he's kind of filling a slot where Jack Palance is left. He's like an old leathery cowboy. Jack Palance is also a freaky looking dude. Yes, a demonic looking... They look kind of like a Phantom of the Opera. Leatherman, yeah. But leathery. Yeah. Stephen Quadro's got a good look. It's very bony. Yeah. Well, sure. He's skinned.

I don't know. He's a slenderman. I knew him the moment they showed him karate kicking. I was like, fucking that's a dude from fucking shock him. Took me a minute to realize. I recognize those kicks anywhere. But fuck, nobody else is anybody.

Do you think that was the inspiration for pancakes? No. But it's cool. It's a cool coincidence. We have some high-kicking long hair. Going to some cabin. Going to a cabin. That's fun. The market. I'm pretty sure Demon Wind didn't come into Eli Roth's brain. I don't know. This movie's kind of weirdly beloved. People I've talked to are like, oh, I fucking love Demon Wind. I'm like, what? It's one of those.

It's one of those weird ones. I had never seen it. Me either. But I'd seen the box at the video store my whole life. But you avoid it because the title is so bad. Well, and then you knew the cartoon cover. You're like, there's no way that thing's showing up. Well, that's not going to be good. Oh, no. It kind of tries.

But there's no fucking way. It's the lumpiest oatmeal version of that. Yeah, it is. Which I don't mind. I don't mind the fucking lumpy, bumpy oatmeal face. I love that. Why do demons have to all be lumpy bumps? Because they're gross. They're demons. They're not pretty. I don't know. You could probably be a hot demon. We saw kind of a hot demon in this. We did. That was a hot demon. That wasn't a demon. Not when the boobies were out. Stacy. Chuck.

Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. I don't know if they're just like, oh, it's a demon. All right, let's go. Let's go and check it out. Yeah, well, I like that. Let's go out there. And the guy goes, why not? I'll tell you why not. You're going to die. I'll tell you why not. Because the demon wind is pulling in.

rando naked chicks in lace that's not someone you know yeah the reason it worked in fucking evil dead is because it's ash's wife right well i saw them titties it would have worked for me too Let's be real, Josh. That shit would be working. Yeah, it looked like Tammy Faye Baker with her top popped. That lady's like a porn star, like an old vintage 90s porn star. Our guy Del is also a porn star. Big beefy Del. Fucking Del.

Which one's Dale? The guy dropping the F-bomb everywhere. The F-bomb? The blonde? Yeah, the blonde guy. Was I supposed to be rooting for Del? Because I kind of agreed with him half the fucking time. He kept calling out those guys. You know, he just kept calling out the fucking plot of the movie. Like, well, we shouldn't go in there. Like, yeah, no shit, Sherlock. We shouldn't go in there. Like, yeah, I agree with Del.

He was kind of like legit the whole time. Like, this is stupid. Let's not be here. Let's go. Your best friend is also the shittiest guy ever. Why would you ever invite that guy anywhere? You gotta have him. You got to have that guy in your horror movie. I mean, I know that's the formula. I think he's the best guy out of all the guys. What? Yeah. You realize he's the most...

hateful homophobic man in the world. He's the best guy out of all those. Those guys suck so bad. They all suck. You might be right. I would say the dude who is the little weenie that tells the girl... I'll take care of you. Nothing will happen to you. And then seconds later, she gets turned into a bloody baby. Right. And the baby goes, he lied. That's true. But that guy might have been the best dude. Worthless.

I like dangly earring guy too. Nearly every one of these guys claim that they'll protect somebody or everything's going to be okay. How the fuck do you know? You don't even know what's going on. You're inside a cabin that shouldn't exist. How do you know what the fuck is going to happen? You're in another dimension right now and there's demons everywhere. You're a fool.

shit. Did they try walking away? Yes. They did. The fog picked him up and moved him four places. And the last place was right back at the cabin door. Right. Because, yeah, they were getting transported all over. Yeah, like it was some Army of Darkness shit where they're like. Yeah. But still. Wait in the car? I don't know. Still take your chances? Because.

Nothing good's going to come at the cabin. I love these, like, we could either risk it in the car or we can go in the cabin. He goes, I think we're going to be fine. Corey, you're full of shit. The last thing you saw in the cabin, Mr. I think you'll be fine, was a knife speeding towards your head and slamming into the wall. And you're going, ah! Yeah, the funniest, ah! Maybe I kept it, they stayed on too long. Ah! When can I stop? Oh! Cut! Please cut! Say cut!

The face is... Dude, Steven Cuatro's face when he... When he's shooting? When he's shooting. He looks like he has a fucking wanger in his mouth. He pulled every face. Oh! Oh!

Yeah, I loved it. I was like, how do your lips do that? I got to say, Sam, let me appeal to the special... He's a crotty man. He's been working at it for a long time. Pete, I want to make an appeal to the special effects team of Demon Wind from circa 1990. No one wants to see... bullets go into a torso i didn't see one head with a bullet in it no

What special effects dickhead is like, here I have a bale of hay with a vest on it. I'm just going to shoot that. It's got mustard soup coming out of it. Cream, corn, and mustard. I made a special blend. Fuck off. And it's just like a close-up of a shirt with getting shot. Like, okay. At least we got a roundhouse kick to the head. That was dope. You know they're fucking squishy. What year is Dead Alive, though? 89 or 90?

Because that happens in fucking Dead Alive, too. Kicking ass for the Lord. Right. Right. So that's just straight fucking, I'll take this, thank you. Pop that on top. I don't hate it, but, like, come on. Like, it's very... It's a goof. I singed it.

You can say that about everything in this movie. I was like, this is one of those movies, I didn't hate it, because there was a couple points, but this is a waste of money. This is a pointless flick. This could have not been made, and we would be the same. The world would be the same. It would because all these other movies exist. Better movies, better versions of all these moments exist. Yeah. It's true. Yeah, I agree. But there's something about it.

It's the second time I've seen Stephen Quadros and that brings joy to me. I was actually disappointed that he got killed as early as he did. Me too. But he came back using the whole movie. Yeah, he was. But he actually wasn't because those actors are not the same guys. I was confused because I didn't think it looked like the demon. I think they might have changed actors like three times.

for those two characters. They couldn't get them for 20 days? You'd be fucking kidding me. Stephen Quadros is out there teaching karate to kids because he needs some money because he lives in Los Angeles in the 80s.

Like that dude, there's no, no, there's no way he's in it because those guys are just way shorter than they were before. Like for how bony and weird Steve Quadro's face is, even putting all the oatmeal on top of it, it didn't look like him. It didn't look a thing like him. But I don't know. I feel that.

actually is the case with most of the demons in this movie. I don't think they were even probably. Because I know they do that for other demon movies. They'll just have other people be demons. To pay Quadros the big bucks? I think that he was just like unavailable. I think he was cheap, dude. I think he was too. I just think he had something else to do. He's like, I gotta go teach karate. Yeah, I'm doing something else. I gotta hire this drum kit.

But, like, because literally I was watching for those two actors who I liked his sidekick buddy, too, the driver. Chuck? Stacy. Oh, yeah, Stacy, Stacy. And he's Chuck, right? Quadros is Chuck, I think. And... Stacy is a little homie who drives his ass around and just loves him dearly. And plays pretend with him at the regitions. Was that where they just role-playing on the way up? Just pretend.

I'm trying to get this girl back. Can we do this cool intro? Where I'm like a magician. They came up with the most dramatic theatrical roll-up. He had the music blaring. He had a cape on. Yeah, dude. He's like rolling up. He's got to outdo Del. Let me show Del what's up. Yeah. I didn't know he was going to be here as her ex.

I love it. I love it. What was up with Adele kissing on Corey's chick? That was a rowdy way to fucking say hello. What? In front of his best friend and his woman. And the long one on her, yeah. And she didn't seem too upset by it. Corey didn't care at all. But also, Corey was a fucking flop. Dude, if Del was your friend, you did what Del says. But somehow you got Del to come to the fucking...

Stabbing cabin. Yeah, because he wants to fuck everything. You saw those buns in his dream, though? Of course. When they hit the fucking guitar, when it just went to the crack of his ass. I love it. I love the dream sequence. It's sick. But no horror hog. Who are you? I don't care who you are. Show me your dick. Just show it to me. There's your t-shirt, bud.

Who are you? I don't care who you are. Show me your dick. Brian Henderson. Someone's like, oh, I don't want to show my dick in the 1991 horror movie because when I'm president... I want to see it flapping in the wind. I want to see it. I want to see that just demonized, but the rest of his body normal.

Yeah, demons scare me, man. They're all pink with teeth sticking out every witch away. And all confusing style. So scary. So confusing. Like, wait a minute. Are these even the same actors? I'm confused. Do I have dementia? I'm confused. At what point, where are we in the story? I'm confused. What happened? Here's another thing. There's a point where Corey was like yelling out the window and he turns his back around and talks to the camera and he's like smiling and laughing. And I'm like...

That's not the same actor. This is a different actor. I don't remember that scene. I had to back it up. Now I'm confused. See, I'm... I'm trying to confuse you. I want you to feel like I feel it. Scare me. But I had to back it up once. I'm like, I don't think that's the same actor that's playing Corey or else he has different hair or something. They also can get him for 20 days? God damn, this movie.

I know. The whole cast switches out halfway through. I think he might have. They recast everybody. It's all you, man. And there's also a scene where the zombies are just, where the demons are kind of pouring out. It just reminds me of Italian zombie land. Oh, it really is. It's so bad. No one cares. No one cares. They're like, hey, okay, put on that fucking pilgrim costume.

Hit up the oatmeal van. Yeah, duck your face in this oatmeal. Yeah, I'm going to stick a couple teeth in there. It's right around your lip area. Get on the fucking set. Yeah, just go mean mug that camera for a while. Put your hands on it. Oh, you got a beard? Okay, you stand up front then.

Oh, that's going to look terrible. Yeah, go right up front. Oh, that's going to be really shitty looking. Come here. We're going to shoot you. We're going to make you two different characters. There's no mistaking you for who you are. Did you see that? There's the guy that laughs all crazy. He gets shot and is dead. That was funny. What was that? And then you see him again come up as like, he's not laughing this time. He's like more serious. I'm a different guy. I'm a different guy.

I got glasses on now. It's like the guy that gets a free burger at the lunch line and he takes off his hat and goes through again. Put those glasses on askew. Nothing. I'm a other kid. No, that wasn't me. That was my brother.

Give me another burger. I mean, give me my first burger. Oops. Oh, no. Why was the demon laughing like that? I don't know. That demon was having a blast. He was like, I love filming this movie. I'm having a great time right now. I made it twice. You think that's why he's laughing? He just pulled the fastball. He's like, I'm in this again. These fools don't even know. I got two paychecks. Roll it. I changed my shirt.

I saw some other movie today. I was like, oh, I'm picking this movie next. Oh, no. Nothing ever good has come from that thing. I can't fucking wait to show these guys this movie. They're going to be so upset with me. But it was like...

Experiments at a mental hospital. I'm like, all right. Oh, I like that. That's what I'm talking about. I'm in, Josh. I'm in. I hear you. I heard you when I was in the hot tub looking at IMDb this morning. Tell me the downside now. It's full moon. It's terrible. It might be a full moon picture. Shit. Shit. No, it's a movie you're both going to enjoy that I picked. It's called Vampire Wind. Oh, no. No, it's going to be fucking horrible. I can't wait. Tell us. I'll save it.

Okay. Want me to save it? Want me to tell you now? Tell us now. Tell us now. It's going to be Dr. Caligari. The movie Dr. Caligari. The original? Not the cabinet of Dr. Caligari. No, the one you showed. Yeah, the one that I picked. I remember. Yeah. At the Deezer Feast.

Yes. Yeah. We have a copy right over there. That shit looks insane. It's going to do that. I want to see it so bad. It's going to be fully insane. It looks insane. And lumps and bumps and weird shit. Forgive me. I forgot that you picked that. Dude. Was that the one I was gone or was I there for that? Oh, it might have been the one. I don't know. But you definitely picked it for a de-surface. Yeah. Folks, if you don't know, we had a live show for a minute where we were presenting a...

horror movie night in San Francisco and we did a segment called Decent or Feces. Decent or Feces. We all picked a horror movie trailer to watch and then we'd all talk about it and figure out which would be our next movie we'd review yeah live in front of the audience audience participation anyways yeah brian picked this this one and it looked insane yeah i saw i saw a trailer for this somewhere a while ago and i was like when i saw a copy of this i couldn't buy it fast enough

Like, okay, good. Yeah. Because there's, there's people in it that I want to see. And there's like, I followed the thread. From this movie to that movie somehow. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, this makes sense. So I was going, and I was like, wait a minute, this movie. Ooh, this movie. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need to see it. Bad. I'm really interested in it. We picked a lot of really good looking stuff for our Dexter Feast picks. Rabid grannies. Keeps coming back to my face. Hider in the house. Hider in the house. Let's not forget Hider in the house. Yeah. Auntie Lee's meat pies. Meat pies.

Oh, my God. There's so many good ones. What was the other? You picked another one. There's Amityville Dollhouse. I thought it looked rad as fuck. That was the one that we... We were just talking about Amityville, too. Some of these became...

Picks. Like, we did... We did do a few, huh? We did the San Francisco fucking... Beyond Demons. Beyond Demons. Right, that was Josh's pick. Microwave Massacre, that was a Brian pick. We must have done a Jeff one. Yeah, we did, right? I forget which one. Oh, we did the... The Bloody Birthday with the kids. Oh, yes. Yes, we did. And we did a number of episodes on that, and it was the audience that picked them. You suspiciously didn't pick my...

My egg movie. What was it called again? What was that Italian fucking egg win? What the fuck was it? Eggie win. What was that fucking giallo fucking egg giallo? What was the giallo? Oh man, I don't remember now. The egg yolk is what they're talking about. Thankfully, I don't remember. There's a weird Italian horror movie that's all about eggs.

That Josh tried to shove on us. And it won the fucking, it won the vote. It won the vote and we vetoed it, right? Yeah, we won the vote and you were like, nope. It's called Death Laid an Egg from 1968. That's right. It looked so bad that we could even do it. I picked the ultimate trailer. It was called Death Laid an Egg. The trailer is four minutes long.

We saw the movie already. We saw it. We'll just review the trailer. And I was like, I picked this because there's no fucking way anyone's going to choose Death, Layden Egg. And then I wasn't even there for the vote. And you won. And it won. I don't know. Sympathy vote. Recount. I demand a recount. Dude, the ultimate stinker. Yeah, death laid an egg. It smells like an egg. It's a rotten one.

I'm most surprised Demon Wind wasn't one of the picks. I feel like it would have. Give us time. The title alone is so shit. I started watching this movie about a year ago, and I watched it up until they started driving over the hills. Yeah. The first... The first time. And I was like, nah, turn it off. Kind of was the same experience I had. Lexi and I had had. Yeah. We started watching it. I didn't get to the cafe yet. And I was like, weird, like.

It's like you go to Home Depot and you buy a little shed, and then you make it into a cafe. Right. The cafe was kind of cool. But then it opens up. Also, there's a mansion inside. That's at the gas station. Yeah. Cory and his lady are driving out, which I really... The actor that plays his girlfriend reminds me of Homegirl from Pluribus a bit. Okay, yeah. But I really do...

I thought she was okay. She's probably the best actor in the whole movie. I would definitely say that she's 100% the best actor. Yeah, about her eyebrows. Yeah. She's like, you haven't spoken 10 words to me since we left. You're not even telling me why we're coming out here. And he's like, what?

I'm thinking. I'm concentrating on the road. Dick. What a dick. The whole time you're being such a dick. She's just there to be with him. They find the cafe. He's like, I've been here in a dream. Look at my buns. Look at my buns. Hold on while I think about my bun. And then we hear the sound of wind. And then they go into the cafe and it's abandoned. And she's like, hmm, how am I going to get this dude's attention? I'm going to pop my bottom.

show him my lacy underpants with a heart embroidered on the back. I couldn't stop thinking about that scene in the whole movie. Wiggle it just a little bit. And he's going to look at her and be like, hmm. And then the woman opens the door and goes, the bathroom's out back. As if she's squatting to take a shit in the middle of the diner.

It was a great scene. That was a great fucking scene. I couldn't stop thinking about them buns. The whole movie. What was she thinking? She was like, hey. That no one's in there? She just wanted to lighten the mood. Hey, here, I can cheer you up. Look at my butt. There's got to be someone else, or at the very least, Old Man Winker Bean's going to be in here in two seconds to fucking serve me up some coffee. Someone's going to be there. Yeah.

Hey, but they might get some free coffee that way. Yeah. His eyebrows perk right up. Dude, his eyebrows. Yeah, let me see your bottom again for another free cup. Oh, there's... Wait, so...

We have Del and his girlfriend, who was the ex-girlfriend. Nameless. Do we ever find out her name? Does she have a character? I do. She was, yeah. But then there was the other weird, the gal, Bonnie. Now, who's Bonnie? Bonnie was the gal that looked like... Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. She was the... She has, like, if you were to...

To draw a character of it, you'd have a long rectangular head with a triangular hair. Yes. She looks like a stunt woman because she's a stunt woman. Is that right? Yeah.

I like your look. Okay. I like a handsome woman like that. I really do. I'm not bullshitting. But it's like, yeah, you're like, oh, you would... completely kick all these like you would kick dell's ass oh yeah she's like she's a bruiser yeah yeah yeah yeah she was cool i liked her yeah i was just like i'm like why is yeah she looks a little i hated it

Fucking glasses, whatever that fucking fool's name was. Are you talking about the weenie that I was just talking about? The guy that was like, I won't let anything happen to you. Yes. The fucking... He's a fucking twerp. Was that Jack? That was... That was... Yes, it was Jack. Nearly as long as the main character, you know? He gets knifed because... Homegirl. What is her name? Elaine and his girlfriend. Thank God.

And yeah, he's hiding in, he gets knifed by her. And then he turns into four different, he turns into himself. He turns into a teenage guy, turns into a kid, turns into a baby, turns into a dove, flies away. And she goes, I saw his soul. Yeah. What? Bitch. That's the same dove I saw earlier. Come out of a pocket. That came out of that guy's shirt. Shit on Del? Wait, so is that Jack?

Jack that was in his pocket the whole time? That was future Jack. Pooped on Dell. And he grabbed it. But, like, what? That was, like, the most stupid, like, who made that call? You know what would be really cool is when she stabs him.

It turns into a younger version of himself and another younger version of himself. It goes all the way back to a baby. And then a younger baby. And when you go from baby? Dove. You know, I was thinking that whole time. God, it's in the movie. Put it in the movie. I was thinking like, they brought. To the set, a baby and a kid and a teenager and another dog. That baby was there. They found that. That shit was there, dog.

what a day like bring your whole family and by that I mean in stages of four years make sure they're four years apart and white guys generational yeah all of it They should have become like an old man again at the very end after the dove. Just like go back around the cycle. We're too far. But how come that didn't happen to other people when they got stabbed with the fucking stupid things? Also...

Why do you stab something and then not keep the knife? I know. The knife goes away. You have your time. What do you mean it goes away? Yeah, because you go grab it. So the two of the seven, these are the last two because the last five were stabbed in the things and they were lost forever. The knives, all those other knives are in demons that evaporate and went to the demon dimension. Like the thing about knives.

One of the only benefits about a knife is that you can keep using it. Right. You don't have to reload a knife. It's like recycling. Exactly. You can keep stabbing. Stab, stab, stab. Yeah. Especially if it's a magic knife, stab a demon. Pull. Take it. back with you. I want to have more demons. I'm like, yeah, I know there's more demons. I've seen them. There's a bunch. But don't worry, we have force fields and shit too, so...

Don't worry about them daggers. I drew those force fields. Those look fucking jank. I got a soft spot for these hand-drawn fucking effects. I love it too. I love it too, but it's like... Yeah, with those balls he just shot at. The demon shot the balls at. Make it glow! Glow it! That requires too much effort. It was the same stuff, too, when he, like, absorbed the knowledge from that book and was like... Went into it. It's just one color flap.

paint oh god so it's so bad so good though i like the the orange one at the end was like that's just those are just shapes now not even lightning just like balls yeah yeah great

Someone's having a good time in the editing department. I like that, too. I like the Kuchar brothers for that reason, because it's janky filmmaking. It's janky artistic ways to make special effects. Draw right on the fucking film. Yep. But again, why didn't that happen where you stab another demon and it turns into itself seven times? How can it only happen to Jack? Because he's a special boy. He's special. He's a special little angel. I like Willie.

Which one was Willie? Dangly Earring shows up in the Suzuki Sidekick the next morning. Don't turn it off! Don't turn it off! What? I said, don't turn it off, you fucking asshole. What did we do wrong? What's going on? Is it his earring? Is it weird? I love the earring.

I know, but it's on the wrong guy. Like, who's this guy with a dangling earring like that? He's with the mullet and the earring and the jean check? Oh, God, I love Willie. How come those two other people, they're friends. Stacy and Chuck got killed. They saw them on the yard.

And they just are like, all right, good night. And then like their friends show up the next morning and they're not like, we lost Izzy and Chuck. They're just like, cool, more friends to die. Yeah. And who dies next is Willie's girlfriend. Gets eaten.

By the fucking skeleton with the cow head and the tongue. That shit was dope, dude. That was straight from fucking Nightmare 3, though. Yeah, it's pretty good, though. Right? What's that? Nightmare 3 or 4. With the tongue? With the tongue. With the fucking tongue shoots around. I mean, that's from 7. Seven. Seven. Wait, Nightmare Seven? Yeah. Nightmare Seven has a tongue that wraps around. Yeah, but that happens too in fucking one of the other ones, I think.

Is he all tongue in a mirror? What the fuck? That tongue comes out of the phone in the first one, but that's about it. Seven's a new nightmare, right? There's three. The nurse shoots some tongues. Right. But it's not like that. It's a different kind of tongue situation. I immediately thought Nightmare on Elm Street. Freddy Krueger has done this.

Well, he has done a long tongue in seven where it wraps around and little Mika was trying to stab the tongue at the end. And then do like a reverse because that's how they have to do it. You've got to do it in reverse. That's in seven. Yeah. Well, this was definitely a reverse. Yeah. Shot out, went around the neck, and then I like how it was kind of whipped back into the wall. And you hear the guy like cranking the thing. Pull, pull, pull it, pull it.

I like that the skull couldn't even bother to, like, chew her face. Yeah. Just stationary, just... No, and it looked like someone was just dumping blood from behind. Like, I think I saw a guy with a jug. They should have just done the same Nightmare on Elm Street move where the, like, mom goes through the little tiny window in the door. Like, just have it be some little legs and shit go into the mouth and then... They should have, yeah. Blood squirted out. But how better to...

initiate willy with what's going on here let me show you what's going on your girlfriend just got et and i'll tell you who doesn't care is cory cory doesn't care and del and his chick left and he's like yeah all right then they're gonna die they're all oh well they're not gonna make it oh yeah i don't care i don't think they're gonna make it oh no they're not

Oh, no, they're dead. They're dead shit. If one of you guys were in immediate danger, I would do everything I could to stop you. Talk you out of going. And keep you safe. Please don't go. He didn't try a fucking thing. We're not sticking around. He's like, okay, I agree. You should probably go.

I don't think they're going to make it. Oh, no, they're dead. Fuck. They're dead meat. The world's worst friend. At least they're leaving in the daytime, right? The second they leave, it's nighttime. I love it. That's maybe a bad time to leave, guys. Wait till the morning? Safety in numbers, dudes. Yeah, but Del is fucking... He's strong. He's strong? He's got no brain. He's got strong muscles. He's gronk. Fucking Del. Del is in so many sexy movies in the 80s. Poor actor.

Yeah, by that I mean pornos. So we can see his hog. I hope so. Show me your dick now. Hey, Del, show me your wiener one time. What's his name? Just the neck. He does not have a picture on IMDb because he's not in any real movies. Bobby Johnston? That's a poor name. But yeah, if you check out Bobby Johnston's list of films, you're going to be pleased. Bobby Johnston porn. Let's see what happens here. You're not looking at IMDb, you're looking at an actual... I'm looking at fucking...

Hello, Del. Hello. Dude, you're getting a Del. Del, look at you. Do you see his wiener out? Take his glasses off for this one. Come on, let's see it. Is it oiled up? It's oiled up. Dude, he's got a screen showing in this one. You zooming in? I see you zooming in. Share it with me. Are you serious? Holy shit.

Dude, is that a Playgirl? That's a Playgirl. Holy fuck. Dude, we need to add it to the fucking collection. We do. Wait, why didn't they show this in the movie? Put it in the movie. Put it in the movie. He's fucking hard right there. He's torqued there. Yeah. Fully torqued. Fucking hell. Del. Hung Well. That's his name. Hung Well. He's all overplay girl. That could have been Whorehog and they fucking blew it. Yeah, this one he's like holding it all weird. I'm hiding the tip.

You caught me taking a piss out here. On my knees? Yeah, on my knees. If you get lower, you can't hear it splash on the ground. There's four lights on me, but still. This one, I love it. This one, he's like, it's hanging left. Yeah, dog. Back to the left. Wow, thanks, Bri. Why would I have never thought to look for pictures of his dick? I want to do shit like this for, like, maybe our Patreon, like, have a contest and be like, who is this?

Brad's holding up a photo of a funky looking wiener flopped over. Just the dick. Just flopped. Just zoom up. Close-ups of like horror hogs. It's like a half moon. Weird. What movies it's from. Just like the gross clothes. Dude, that's from fucking... It is the title for Gross Clothes. What movie is this hog from? It's from Turkey Neck, the movie. Gross Clothes. Man, that's amazing. I love it.

Patreon folks, holler at us. That's something you're interested in. Do you want this? You want this, Dick? You want this? But yeah, man, if you look at Bobby Johnston, Pjorn.

You're going to get some treats. That's our guy. That's Del. Yeah. He says some hateful shit. I still think he was the smartest of the bunch, but I don't appreciate the hateful F word. I think you can be smart, but you don't have to be the most toxic dude in the room, right? He's very toxic, but everyone else sucks such...

Big bags. I fucking... I liked him the best. Was he smarter? He left and got fucking instantly chowdered. He did decide to leave. Well, who else didn't get fucking chowdered? Other than Cory. The dude to stand in the house. The smart guys. Cory. Didn't Corey and Elaine get shouted? Didn't they get shouted and come back? They got shouted and then they came back to life at the end. But then they weren't. They were fake. I was a psych out.

Right. But also Corey is like me out. I was confused. Del's the biggest dick bag. He didn't get his friends and loved ones killed like Corey. That's true. Corey's like dick bag. He's the real bad friend. Literally, I brought everyone I know out to think about this in this. context, if Corey's the really bad one, then the way he's treating Corey is not that bad. True.

True. He's the biggest shithead. So it's fine. Smooch on your lady. Fine. Fine. Let him do it. He's not getting anyone killed, Brian. Why does he need all these people to help him find out? He doesn't. His weird family mystery. Much better if he brought nobody. Yeah. No one needs to know about this. Drive your ass up alone. And what do you care? You've never met any of these fools. Then you could add two daggers. Yeah. I don't know. There's no reason to be out there.

Cory sucks. Your dad died. Fine. Who cares? Cry about it at home. I love that his grandma saw his fucking hog, though. She's like, you're home, Cory. When he's naked, when he's in his dream, he sees grandma comes out. She's all bloody. And she glances down. She takes a little peek. Oh, my, have you grown? Hey, Corey. You really turned into quite a man. Follow me through this door. But yeah, Grandma shows up a couple times. She's a witch. She's doing some spells. Right. Keeping things...

Protected for five seconds. I know. What good is that fucking spell? What? Zaps him for all about five times and that's it? Yeah. That's it? It's like an electric fence. You just wear it out and it's done. Okay. It's pretty...

Yeah, it didn't do a whole lot of good. 1931 wasn't. They flailed. You have fucking demons from hell in just a couple words and a dusty old book. We'll do it every time. Why for? There's no reason for it. I don't know. Is that how they beat the son of Satan later, though? They finally get all the words out? They made a star on the ground and lit a candle and said a few brief words. Yeah. And that was enough. Oh, no!

My tongue hurts now. That's it. That's all. And everyone's fine. He explodes and everything's good. No, there's still more because there's still Homegirl back at the station. Oh, yeah. There's a weird like... Redhead. At the very beginning. At the very end, yeah. Why? Who? Was she? What? And how?

What's weird is they're supposed to do a sequel. It never happened. Yeah, right? No one in their right mind would be like, we should definitely make a sequel to Demon Wind. Demon Wind 2. It's called Devil Fart. Windier. I don't know. I didn't hate it, but I definitely like... Didn't love it. Same. I did not hate it. I did not love it. I kind of loved the beginning. And then I quickly was bored. You like when the first thing happened? Yeah. But not when the kids showed up.

Yeah, I like it when Del shows up because he's obnoxious and he's unbelievably bad. What's up? What's up, man? Fuck you. What's up, fucker? What's going on? Why are we here for you, fucker? It's so stupid. I feel like you're basing it off somebody you actually know. Holy shit. Too many people are going to hire you to play Dell. What's up, fucker? You fucking stupid bitch. I'm going to wed you today.

Please don't. Please, no. What's up, fucker? I love it. You gotta have that guy. I know. Yeah. And then you gotta have a magician. In a convertible. Why not make it all the same guy? Right? Karate magician asshole. Porn star. Dick out. Dick out. Full time, dick out. I did love the demon squeezing on titties. I didn't love that. You didn't love that? I was like, why? Don't do that. Hands off, demon. You'd think she'd be like, hey. Eyes are up here, dude.

If you're a real self-respecting demon, you'd gouge my eyes out like in the movie Demons. Grabbing my boobies like three times. Get off. I know, he wasn't even, he was just like... Gently closing them. With them big stupid glove, fake ass hands. That doesn't feel nice for anybody. This isn't my real hand, so it's fine. Yeah, I can't feel a thing, so it's fine, right? I can feel a thing.

You're dumbass groping my ta-tas. Get out of here. That was improvised. What if I just do this one time? I like what you did there. We'll keep that in. Squoves. I didn't like what you did there, Jack. I prefer that you didn't keep that in. Oh. Weird. Yeah. Yep.

Yep, we did it. Thank you, Lexi. I take all the blame. I promise. I take all the blame for it being bad. It was so funny because I had dodged it that one time and I did hear about you guys starting it. And then I was like, oh, and you guys didn't finish it also. Thought that was the end of it. And then we get a top dog pick. Forced to finish it. Fuck. Did this director...

He's also the writer, right? Of course he is. Did he do... What else did he do? Nothing. Oh, it's like... If there's a Lord God, nothing else. So probably a bunch of dog shit. Termination, man. Heaven's fire. Black rose of Harlem, not of this earth. Angel of destruction.

Black Belt. New Crime City. Ooh, do you think Homie's in Black Belt? Might be. Twisted Nightmare. Let me check out Black Belt. Is it starring? What's his fuck? No, damn it. He's not in it. That is stupid. It's a missed opportunity. He was busy filming Shockum Dead. He might have been. 1994. That's a lot of trash. Yeah, it's like he is a trash director and writer. There's a lot of guys, like when I tried to see, I was like, what else is Willie in? I'm fond of Willie.

Which one was Willie again? His dangly earring showed up late. Also managed to somehow find the house. He's in a million things. Willie's in a hundred million things. How does he? How? He's no good. I love him. I love you, Willie, but you suck. I like all the skeletons. Don't get out of the car if there's a crucified skeleton by the cabin. That's a pretty good red flag. Yeah. I wouldn't even turn the car off.

Well, this does not look like it probably we should be here. And then there was the skull halfway out of the ground. I like that look. That was kind of cool. That was my uncle's skull. I can just tell. How do you know? I can just tell. Okay. No further questions. Dale should have just punched him out. Give me your keys. Maybe we shouldn't be here. Yeah, no shit. Why is this? Yeah. Why? What?

Fuck you, Corey. How? Fuck you. Your whole stupid fucking family. We should have been out here. Nice plan, Corey. You got everybody killed, you dip fuck. He doesn't care. His dad didn't tell him shit, but obviously knew shit was funky. Oh, his dad kills Slice's wrists. Yeah. Yeah, right. I mean, if Corey was my kid, I would do it too. Piece of shit.

This is your fault, son. You're a piece of shit. I leave you with these words. I do know that a lot of people like this movie, so I can't really... It has likable shit. There's likable stuff. A lot of the foggy fucking demon stuff looks cool in my eyes. It's enjoyable. I think that looks rad. A lot of it is enjoyable. I dig that shit.

It's funny. Yeah. It is weird though. Like demon movies are so, cause they all, again, we've talked about this a million times, but they're all predicated on the fact that there is a God and there is a Satan. Right. It's not even that there is a God. It's just that there is a Satan. Right. And he, they all work for him. Yeah.

Yeah. In some capacity. They're all clocking in for fucking say 10. Yes, they are. And that's like, I just don't, it's a cop out to make a demon movie. It's right there with the zombie movie, right?

It is, but you have to make them talk in a demon movie. So it's going to be even worse. And you will always want to make them talk. You ought to have that real bad shitty tone to your voice. You want to be telling jokes and shit. Fuck off. I'm going to get my demon movie. I'm going to give every demon. dude a woman's voice and every woman demon a man's voice okay is that a really really confused and scare me people and josh namely josh

I'm confused. Why are the guys talking like women and vice versa? That would be more scary. The marble mouth, I can't understand you. I got to have the captions on and tell you. Oh, that was I was saying earlier about the captions. On Tubi? Oh, they were all wrong. I was like, that's not even what they're saying.

Okay, good. I'm glad I didn't turn them on. And it wasn't even when the demons were talking. It was like, that's not what? It still didn't understand. It said, actually said. This is when regular folks were talking, not demons. Mumbling. Well, they had to have a human. I don't think they had, they got the screenwriter in there to be like, to write a, look at the script and type it in. No, but there was, I was hearing the words. They weren't mumbled. Weren't even mumbled. Like, don't.

I don't care. I don't care enough to actually listen to what the movie's doing. This movie has bummed me out thoroughly. So I'm just going to start typing the credits out. Three quarters of the way through. Why not? I think 2026 needs a remake of Demon Wind. Huh? Yeah. I think we're the guys to do it. Only if you play Dell. Hey, fuckers. Hey, fucker. Your hog's got to be out the whole time. You're getting a fucking wedge today, fucker.

Dude, get a big old fucking boogie nights dong, dude. Yeah, man. Greasy strangler? What do you mean? Boogie nights. Get the strangler. Yeah, get the strangler. Oh, yeah, get the tapered fucking... The fucking red rocket. Yeah, Gonzo's nose. It's horrible. Dude. I beat fucking demons with my dangus. Dude, that fucking beaver tail of a dick. That thing is a nightmare. The way you have a skin dreadlock is a dick. What's wrong with your fucking dick?

Yuck, dude. I love it. It's the exact picture. Oh, my God. Amazing. Okay, fine. Thank you, Lexi. It's on. Yeah, thank you, Lexi. I'm in. Okay, cool. Demon Wind? Yeah. We're doing it. Yeah, it looks like we're doing it. Windeer? All sex workers and porn stars and all that. I'll get right on the script. Yeah. I just want dudes that are going to show their dicks. I don't care about every which way. It's got to be in the breezy wind, though.

In the wind. Easy breezy. They gotta be like, yeah, wiggling to the left like a wind socket blowing. Yeah. Jangling. Yeah. Yeah. Like a wind chime. But it'll be like... You've got to stack three or four different jangled noises on top of it because, you know, it's like they try to do with the voice where you're like, I like it. Okay. We'll get on this. We're on it. Cool.

If anybody wants to produce. If anyone's got a lot of money, they want to kick toward the demon window. It's going to be really expensive. This thing only costs 500 grand to make, which seems still like a lot. But I bet that was like so much oatmeal. I bet the fucking the craft services was oatmeal the fucking makeup tent oatmeal oatmeal station the whole thing Probably fucking patching those stupid sets together with fucking oatmeal. Yeah.

Can I play the guy with the earring, dangly earring this time? You should. Willie. You can be Willie. You get killed but turn into a demon hella fast, which is pretty cool. But I still keep my earring, so that's tight. Again, I think it was a different actor. I don't think it was the same guy. Still got the earring on, though. Yeah. That's cool for you. You don't have to sit in the makeup chair. But I want it to be a vastly different person playing me. It's like a tall fat guy. Humongous dude.

I think that's still... What? He's got the long hair and the earring. That's him. The change to demon is... It fucks with you, dude. That dude ate all the oatmeal. That would be rad if he would change it to a demon and like you... Look vastly different, but your clothes were the same size. It's a combination of the Hulk. Yeah, you're tight and ripping out of all your clothes. That'd be fun. I like that. And then spilling mustard soup everywhere.

Yeah, just getting shot in the torso a hell of times and nothing happens. Ow. Try the head. Try the head, Corey. Why not just try the head? Demons can't die? Has that been a rule? I think it's kind of a rule, right? They're supernatural.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. The biology. Cutting her head off, doesn't matter. Burning them. It doesn't matter, no. Lightning bolts. The devil's powerful. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. All-powerful Dark Lord. I love you, Dark Lord Satan. Powerful Dark Demon. He's going through the change. He's going to bust out of those pants any minute here. My skin lock. All right. Well, if you would like to pick a movie for us to watch, one of your beloved favorites like Demon Wind, then you should...

Hit us up at patreon.com slash forever midnight. That's right. Jump up to that top dog level and pick a movie for us. Apparently, it can be crap. If you want. Or really good like Demon Wind. You never know. It's true. You never know. It's true. And if not, we also have exclusive episodes over there all the time, once a month.

Over $90 now? Over $100? Almost $100 at the $5 level. Exclusive episode you can't get anywhere else. So if you can't get enough of us here, go over there at the $5 level. Yeah. Great way to support us and stuff. We appreciate it very much. Thank you. We thank all of our patrons over there. And, of course, we thank Lexi, top dog patron. Thank you, Lexi. Thank you. Thank you. Great pick, Lexi, if I may say so myself. It's as if I picked it myself.

And then tried to forget and then was reminded. Well, should we thank our sponsors? Oh, we ought to. Yes. Let's thank the next record store. which is the greatest record store on planet earth happens to be in Santa Rosa, California. Yep. 1899 Mendocino Avenue in Santa Rosa. I'm there at least once, twice a week. I love the place. I was just there today. Awesome. Fuck you. Love it today. Yeah. So much good stuff. I mean,

Great people working there. Great folks that own it. They were playing Purple Rain when I walked in. It's like they knew I was coming. They saw you coming around. Yeah, they knew. They have a track. They have an air tag on your car. It was that...

The world is in purple rain fever right now because I don't want to say why because some of us might not know. Oh. But the world is loving purple rain right now. Why don't you say? Because you might not know. It's a Stranger Things thing. Stranger Things has got to. Oh. Oh, you guys spoiled it for me. It's ruined. Don't watch it. They play a Prince song in the show. I'm sorry. So they did what they did for Kate Bush. Yes, they're doing it again. Cool.

I love it. People are discovering Prince for the first time somehow. It's crazy. There's a 13-year-old born every minute. Wait, does that work? Yeah, straight up, 13 years old. Alyssa was telling me that when you were just DJing for our friend's little dance night thing, you played Madonna. I did. And they witnessed a young gal.

Being like, oh, this is a good song. I wonder who this is. And then someone else is like, oh, this is Madonna. And they witnessed a young person discover Madonna for the first time. Someone who was drinking a beer and dancing at a club. That person discovered Madonna in real time with all of our friends watching. Not on social media, not on TV, not anything like that. But because Josh Daniels played a song. I couldn't believe it. That's amazing. Yeah.

And if you want to buy Madonna or Prince, Next Record Store. The Next Record Store's got it. Definitely. Yes. There's our weird little tangent for it. Yeah, if you want to get them for your 13-year-old newborn. But it was because there's a young person there working at the record store that chose for the first time in their life to listen to Purple Rain. What a wonderful day.

They had. Wow. Did you hear that for the first time? Was it because of Stranger Things? Yeah. Wow. And they were like, oh, you're a big Prince fan, right? I'm like, yeah. What's your favorite album? I said, I think it might be this one.

It might be Purple Rain. Who could say anything else? I mean, I'm a major fan and I like a lot of stuff that no one cares about. Yeah, you know some deep, deep, deep, deep cuts. When it comes down to it, and I barely take a break from listening to it, but when I have and then come back to it, I'm like, yep. It is the best one. Sorry. No. There's a reason it was groundbreaking. Top to bottom.

Every song on there. I think the populace would agree with you. There's a reason it's like a Grammy winner and an Oscar winner. And it's, you know, and it was, it made a huge difference for all those people in that band. Yeah. And next record store has it. Yeah. They've got it in multiple different editions. Yep. Probably have some of the deep cut stuff too. They sure do. They have a lot of prints there. Hit them up at the next record store.com.

And you can use the discount code FOREVER for 10% off. That's right. Off your new Prince or Madonna record. Off your new Prince or Madonna record. Or also any cool punk rock record or any cool... They're starting to carry movies now. Yep. It's going to be awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. And we also would like to thank... Word Horde Emporium of the Weird and Fantastic. Yes. Word Horde Emporium is...

One of our favorite spots. They have so many rad books and games and all kinds of amazing gifts that you can get for yourself or your friends or your loved ones. They got puzzles. They got all kinds of stuff. You said you got socks there before. I got socks. They got like plushies. They got dice. You get some tarot cards there. What did you get? Oh, yeah. Tons of tarot cards. They got amazing tarot card selection, actually. It's a great looking store. It's a beautiful store. Yeah.

All kinds of amazing stuff. I mean, they're so knowledgeable, they're so helpful, and they're great folks. You should definitely check them out if you come to Petaluma or Sonoma County. That's right. They're at 2200 Petaluma Boulevard North in Petaluma or at weirdandfantastic.com. Yes, the Suite 805. Suite 805, that's right. Do you want to do that one more time? Sorry. Yeah. They're at 2200 Petaluma Boulevard North.

suite 805 in Petaluma, California. Yeah. And definitely be sure and tell them that we sent you and, you know, use that discount code. That's right. And yeah, go to weird and fantastic.com. Yeah. We have so many books on our shelves from those guys, and we love them, and you should love them, too. They're the best. Thank you, WordHorde. We appreciate you sponsoring the show. We appreciate Next Record Store for sponsoring the show. For sure, yeah.

And we appreciate all you folks for listening to us and our winds. All this wind. All this wind coming out of my face. This voice does not come out without the wind. The lungage. Why wouldn't you have made at least one demon fart? Joke. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. It wasn't funny, Brian? There's nothing to joke about here. Serious shit. What's funny, though, is they're trying to be Evil Dead, but Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness are all fucking funny.

Evil Dead's not so funny intentionally. No. You're right. Evil Dead 2 torques it and then Army Darkness is a comedy. This is trying to be Evil Dead 2. Let's get it real. They're like... They did like a... accidental reverse where they're like, we should make evil dead too, but not would take the humor out of it. That was called evil dead, dude. No, it doesn't suck, but it was the same version of the same movie with the shotgun and everything. I was like, yeah, it's like ass with a shot. Ass.

Ass. Ass wind. It's all connected. What? Ash with his shotgun. That's right. Ass. The main character, you know, of demon wind. Ass. Trying so hard. It's ass versus the demon wind. We've already made it better. See, our version is going to be ass. There's definitely going to be a song by Dusty Winds on there. You know we're going to make that. Yep. That's going to be the opening track. Young Wind. Yeah. Featuring Young Wind. That's the rap. The eight bars in the middle. Yeah. Let's go.

Okay, we made it better. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's start dedicating a lot of time to this. All our efforts. Thank you all again for tuning in. We have more Patreon picks for the month of January. Exciting. We'll see you very soon with more. Thank you. Bye. was written by Josh Staples, recorded by Paul Hale, and performed by Linda Amari, Elliot Whitehurst, Paul Hale, and Josh Staples. For more information, forevermidnight.net.