It’s the first weekend and we’ve already had a referee apology, a broken VAR monitor and a dubious headbutt. Oh, how we've missed you, Big Daddy Premier League. Today, Pete tells Marcus and Luke that the Premier League should introduce a silly sausage card. Plus, Marcus has to come to terms with the fact that Raheem Sterling could be leaving Chelsea and we hear about some fabulous shithousery in Hungary. It’s good to be back! Find us on Twitter , Instagram , TikTok and YouTube , and email us her...
Aug 19, 2024•56 min
The new season's underway, so it's time to tackle some more questions about our dear old Barclays! Marcus, Luke and Vish wonder if the abundance of established top-flight sides might make for a competitive Premier League this year - but also decide on who's going to have the most boringly predictable mid-table season. Plus, Marcus has plans to make Fulham's new kit launch a bit more sexy and we wonder which Premier League manager (plus Jason Tindall) would last longest on Survivor. Sign up to th...
Aug 17, 2024•31 min
The Barclays is BACK! Pete, Vish and Luke welcome the return of our favourite ostentatious marketing exercise by deciding who will celebrate a goal this weekend with a tribute to that Turkish Olympic shooter. Don’t worry though, there’s plenty to look forward to this season. We’ve got Andrew Tate hosting Match of the Day’s Brat summer, Erik ten Hag frantically spinning some expensive plates and Ipswich Town bringing the style - and hopefully some substance - back to the big time. It’s your block...
Aug 16, 2024•1 hr 5 min
That’s right, we’re mixing it up this year. Instead of only revealing our embarrassing predictions at the end of the Premier League like usual, we’re revealing them before the season even kicks off! Marcus, Luke and Vish are here to run through their predictions for what’s shaping up to be a proper tasty Barclays bonanza. Can anyone stop Man City? Who’s going down? Will Enzo Maresca outlast Nuno Espírito Santo? Which manager will headbutt Gary Neville before the season’s out? Let’s find out! Rem...
Aug 15, 2024•45 min
Today is the final episode of the Football Ramble. Sadly, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has overhead kicked us into court. Pete, Luke and Vish provide your midweek musings as the Premier League charges towards us. The cat gets revenge on Kurt Zouma, Conor Gallagher finally finds somewhere to sit, and Pete tries to release Paul Dummett into the wild… but he gets eaten by an eagle. And finally, of course, we pay our respects to an absolute institution of English football which has finally come to an end: Gar...
Aug 14, 2024•47 min
Wondering what our live show at the London Palladium in September will be like? Well, here’s a sneak preview of what to expect! Back in 2019, we took the Ramble on the road in the UK and North America and played in theatres everywhere. So, before our biggest ever live show to date, we went back into the archives to share some of our favourite on-stage moments. If you like what you hear, then don’t delay! Head to footballramblelive.com to get your tickets for Football Ramble: Time Tunnel on Frida...
Aug 13, 2024•21 min
Managers dodging handshakes, penalties getting skied over bars, blokes wearing shirts with very specific messages for pedos, and Pete making inappropriate jokes about Luke. You know what that means? Football is back! Marcus, Vish, Luke and Pete revel in Portsmouth’s barn-burning return to the Championship, while Andre Onana gives us a taste of his masterplan for the season ahead. Meanwhile, Matthjis De Ligt seeks judicial immunity inside Old Trafford and Chelsea’s spending gets so out of hand th...
Aug 12, 2024•59 min
The transfer window has been prettyyyy quiet – which has got one listener thinking: when was the last time a good old marquee signing really transformed a club's fortunes? After 20 years of constant shithousery, how can Pepe possibly be reintegrated back into ordinary society? What will he do? Which little bald chap did Marcus admire as a kid? And is Positive Pete here to stay? All answered on today's Mailbag! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday Sep...
Aug 10, 2024•31 min
The world’s biggest super friendly – aka the Community Shield – is here and Kevin De Bruyne has grown a man bun to celebrate the occasion. Marcus, Jim and Pete, on the other hand, are celebrating the occasion by spreading Luke Shaw conspiracy theories. Elsewhere, Marcus and Pete question whether Jim is a pickpocket working for Mikel Arteta and we pay tribute to the great Pepe after his retirement. Oh, and if you think the conspiracy theories are bad, just wait until you hear Pete’s story about g...
Aug 09, 2024•49 min
Have you been wondering how on earth Atlético Madrid can afford Julián Álvarez? Then you're in the right place. Today on our sister show On The Continent, Dotun Adebayo, Andy Brassell and Lars Sivertsen explain everything you need to know about this potential deal and discuss how Álvarez could become the new Antoine Griezmann. Elsewhere, reports say that Borussia Dortmund might sack former Arsenal Head of Recruitment Sven Mislintat after just three months on the job. What’s happened? And why did...
Aug 08, 2024•36 min
Julián Álvarez looks set to leave Man City for 81.5 million big ones! He’ll be gutted to leave Man City without winning the Carabao though. Marcus is back and he’s joined by Pete, Luke and Jim to celebrate the arrival of Emile Smith Rowe at Craven Cottage. Elsewhere, some Champions League VAR officials have been arrested for stealing a road sign and Gary Neville spent his weekend DJing at a festival. Happy Rambling! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Frid...
Aug 07, 2024•53 min
Olympic football has reached the semi-final stages! But never mind that, have you been watching the swimming and the shooting? Today, Pete, Jim, Andy and Vish are here to discuss all the latest news, including an incredible Jürgen Klopp lookalike, a Newcastle fan that was inspired by Alan Pardew, and RCD Mallorca’s pre-season tour of the Midlands and North of England. Plus, a manager in Scotland has been sacked after losing the first game of the season. Football’s officially back! We're back on ...
Aug 05, 2024•42 min
We’ve answered more than 100 of your questions since kicking off the Mailbag last season. Today, we’re sharing some of our favourites! From the moral mazes of modern football and Jürgen Klopp’s legacy, to who we’d pick to take a penalty and which European food we’d take into battle, we’ve had a bit of everything. So sit back and enjoy as Luke rummages through the best of the Football Ramble Mailbag 23/24! Got a question for next week’s Mailbag? Find us on Twitter , Instagram , TikTok and YouTube...
Aug 03, 2024•27 min
The Premier League season is fast approaching and Luke, Jim, Vish and Andy have worked out how Arsenal can finally get to Man City and win the league… Hire Zlatan Ibrahimović in the Jason Tindall role. Today, we hear how Zlatan’s beef with Pep Guardiola is still raging on in 2024. Elsewhere, news has broken that West Ham might be signing a new forward for the 56th time under their current ownership. Plus, Vish auditions to be Gennaro Gattuso’s interpreter. Sometimes may be bat, sometimes may be ...
Aug 02, 2024•44 min
Today, we're bringing you a special teaser of what you can expect every week on the Football Ramble Patreon. For just $5 a month, you'll get an extended version of every Wednesday episode of the Ramble, which features 20 minutes of Ramble Uncut! Think spicy takes you won't get on the main show, correspondence from other Patreon subscribers, behind-the-scenes news and regular updates from Matt Le Tissier's newsletter (obviously). Starting today, any new Patreon sign-ups can get 15% off an annual ...
Aug 01, 2024•22 min
Bad news, everyone: the Amazon seller who sold Pete a durian for us to try today had to cancel the order due to “supply chain issues.” More news as we get it. That leaves Pete, Luke and Jim with plenty of time to tuck into some other breaking news: Mick McCarthy and Roy Keane’s debuts in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Plus, Arsenal sign Italian defending dreamboat Riccardo Calafiori, Conor Gallagher might be about to buy an interrailing ticket to Madrid and Steve Bruce eyes up the next season of...
Jul 31, 2024•42 min
Need some good old-fashioned espionage sorting out, but don’t have access to a drone or a two-way mirror? Pete Donaldson is now available for hire! He’s joined by Luke and Jim in a suspicious room full of cameras and microphones to talk about pre-season happenings and fresh outcry about the possibility of Premier League matches overseas. Meanwhile, there are fishcake protests in Norway and – at long last – a proper punch in a football match. Plus, you won't find a better durian-based fact on any...
Jul 29, 2024•43 min
The finale is here! And Pete brings perhaps the best episode of the lot for you today. We pick things up at the start of April, where barns were burning everywhere, Nottingham Forest’s X admin was setting fire to bridges everywhere, and the Premier League approached its exciting conclusion. And don’t forget some memorable s**thousery overseas – from suspicious activity in Hungary’s U14s league, to a Dutch referee officiating a game and then lifting the title for one of the teams. All that and mu...
Jul 26, 2024•34 min
In case anyone is unsure, Sean Connery is in fact no longer with us. Are you paying attention Vish? Pete’s back with another collection of the best moments from the 23/34 season. Today, we head into 2024 and revisit Jurgen Klopp announcing he was leaving Liverpool, Neil Warnock joining Aberdeen, and the time Sunderland slagged off one of their club legends. Oh and yes… Vish forgot Sean Connery had died, in case you hadn't noticed. We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Pa...
Jul 25, 2024•30 min
Your Chief Keystone Cop Pete Donaldson is back with more of our favourite moments from the season that was. Today, we’ve got Manchester United’s Champions League adventures, lard mafias from Horsham, and a heartwarming poem about Emi Martinez. Come join us! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, a...
Jul 24, 2024•38 min
The new club season is almost upon us! But before kick-off, we’re reliving our favourite moments from 2023/24. Today, Pete takes you back to the opening months of the season which began with Harry Kane finally saying goodbye to Tottenham (after spending 4-6 hours in a north London safe house, of course). Meanwhile, we said hello to Mauricio Pochettino’s lemons, Jason Tindall and the PIF Posse. Oh, and the internet went into meltdown over VAR. Remember Tottenham vs Liverpool? Yeah… Listen to reli...
Jul 23, 2024•31 min
Before you listen to this episode, we want to set one thing straight: despite Pete’s accusations, Marcus does not smoke crack cocaine. All right? All right. Marcus, Jim and Pete catch up with the world of club football and quickly remember why Harry Redknapp definitely still records Match of the Day on his YouView box. The FA continue their hunt for the next England manager, with Eddie Howe now taking centre stage – Marcus, though, still thinks they’ll hold out for Pep Guardiola! Plus, unconfirm...
Jul 22, 2024•57 min
Now it’s time for the painful bit. Join us for Part 2 of our Euro 2024 farewell, with all of our favourite moments from the Round of 16 and beyond! From Bukayo Saka’s penalty (and that smile), to Andy Carroll eating chicken off the floor outside a restaurant in Mayfair – it really was a tournament for the good guys. Until the end bit, obvs. Enjoy our highlights and - for one last time to England and Euro 2024 - it’s a fond Auf Wiedersehen. Apart from you, James Corden. We're back on stage and ti...
Jul 19, 2024•38 min
The groups stages were arguably the highlight of Euro 2024 - well, maybe not for England and Scotland. But we were blessed with some exciting football and introduced to some amazing new characters. Like... Big Mama UEFA and (even bigger) Martin Ádám. Join us to relive some of our favourite moments from the Euros group stages, including Cristiano Ronaldo transforming into prime Niall Quinn and the outbreak of food wars across Germany. Oh and who could forget Mark Lawrenson's big moment. Have a li...
Jul 18, 2024•25 min
After four tournaments, two finals, a collection of excellent waistcoats and one flare up the arse, Gareth Southgate’s time as England manager is over. Today Marcus, Luke and Jim are here to reflect on what Southgate’s legacy will be once the dust has settled. There's also the question of who comes next? Marcus explains why Eddie Howe might just have an advantage over Graham Potter in the race to become the next England manager. That advantage of course goes by the name of Jason Tindall… We're b...
Jul 17, 2024•48 min
How do you get over England losing a Euros final? Relive all your misplaced optimism before the tournament, of course! Marcus, Luke, Andy and Jim reveal their pre-tournament predictions for Euro 2024 – featuring a wild prediction for Spain, a bare Scottish bot-bot, and the return of Big Mama UEFA. Stay tuned to discover which Rambler was a very surprising winner… We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunn...
Jul 16, 2024•19 min
Spain are the champions of Europe... and England have fallen at the last hurdle once more. Marcus, Luke, Andy and Jim pick up the pieces after another crushing Euros final defeat – but, you know what? Better to have scraped your way to the final than to never have scraped at all. They discuss what went wrong after a promising first half, one of Harry Kane’s worst nights in an England shirt, that Cole Palmer moment, and what happens next for England and Gareth Southgate. Come for the cathartic ch...
Jul 15, 2024•1 hr 1 min
Tonight’s the night, it’s the Euro 2024 final. Excited? Nervous? However you’re feeling, come join the warm embrace of Marcus and Luke as we collectively gear up for potentially the biggest night of our lives. The lads are here to bring you the final team news and to try and put to rest any fears and doubts you might have. COME ON ENGLAND! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through f...
Jul 14, 2024•26 min
How can England beat Spain in the Euro 2024 final? Will it be because Bukayo Saka can do a better job of cutting in on his left foot than Lamine Yamal? Or will it be because Pete rattles the Spanish by putting a Peperami in a paella? Today, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete are here to preview the biggest game of our lives. Marcus explains that - this time - he thinks Southgate might just clear the final hurdle. Listen to find out why! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Pall...
Jul 13, 2024•39 min
How did Spain and England make it to the final? Will Gareth Southgate sub on Pete Donaldson? And will Pete wet himself? Two days out from the final of Euro 2024, Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim relive Spain and England’s journey to the final! Along the way, Kevin Keegan carries the Olympic torch by an orphanage, there’s an unprecedented number of broken noses, and Big Mama UEFA turns to Pete for sustenance. Come join us for the countdown to Sunday! We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us...
Jul 12, 2024•56 min
