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It is Flex and Frooms on cater and every now and then the internet does provide information that will in fact improve our lives tenfold. I really appreciate it. It came across this video from a person called Charlotte Anna, who's doing their masters in positive psychology. Did not know that was okay, but I kind of like the way that sound. I don't know what it's involved. Is it
a therapy of some sort? Potentially she has this series that she does where she writes an iPhone note and then she reads out the iPhone note, and usually it's tips or tricks or insight about positive psychology that she's learned and she's passing on. In order for a romantic relationship to survive, it needs five positive to one negative interaction, and when you think about it in terms of ratios, then you start to really consider the foundation of a
real relationship. I've had a lot of friends who will talk about people they start to see, you know, like I just met this person and they're really cool, and they start roasting what they wear and they don't really like their job. When they go on their Instagram, they like, they don't like their photos. It's like these negative interactions are piling up, and you're not going to have enough
positive to really balance the scales. But of course you don't feel like you need that in the beginning, right until you get into the relationship and you're like, gosh, what is it that I like about you? Because it might be some, but it's not the five to one ratio, and not that I think that every thing in a relationship can be quantified in that way, like, oh, I
like your outfit. That's one positive interaction. Oh whatever, And I'm sure it has to be mutual as well, not just the illusion of a positive interaction, like a genuine back and forth symbiotic experience. But it kind of makes you think, gosh, you really have to be compatible and you really do have to have mystery, because if you don't,
those negative interactions just pile up. The quip, the joke that didn't land, the banter that was a little bit derogatory, the funny thing you saw them do to the waiter, the you know them not, whatever it might be. We gotta be careful. This kind of reminds me of that quote, Gosh, everything's coming up. Oh babe, I'm burping. I've got like a crap that's coming through.
What did you have for lunch? Chicken structs?
We had to rush, we did. This reminds me of that quote or that saying the same thing that you in the beginning stage is really like your partner four. It's the same thing that you'll leave them for, or the same thing that will get on your nerves. And I remember with one of the people that I dated in the beginning, I really loved how much he liked me.
I loved that he was so communicative and just really validating and really hyper aware of everything about me, Like you did this, and I love that, and you wore this and I like that, and you went here and that was awesome. But then the flip side of that is someone who is actually quite needy. And I don't think neediness is a bad thing. It's nice to feel needed by someone, but it became really needy and really clinging and really hyper aware and then hypercritical, Well why
did you go there at that time? And like why couldn't I come? And am I invited? And like you're always with that friend, but never with that friend, and this friend, you know.
Asking too many questions.
Yes, And I was like, damn. At one point, this was so nice because I felt like, Oh, you really see me and you're really interested in what I'm doing. And then when it flipped, I was like, you just want data to create this narrative that makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for you. And I probably wasn't in some stages, you know, but I was like,
this is exactly one of those things. And it also reminded me of the fact that you get to a certain point in any kind of relationship where you don't feel as though it's your responsibility to maintain positive interactions, so you might stop saying please and thank you, or you might get a bit comfortable with flippantly requesting something from them or expecting that they just show up. Or you know, used to say thank you every time they
brought you a glass of water. Now it's like, oh, yeah, just over there on the table.
I feel bad.
Yes.
I was actually listening to your podcast last night, which was about attraction. It was like, you go on a date with someone and there's heaps of chemistry, but then they don't call you back, Like what is that about? And this happens to so many people. I know, happens to myself. Everyone a room full of rooms, I me and all my friends in the mirror. And it was about how when you are like it doesn't It's not
just enough to be a really good communicator. You also need to like have some sort of element of surprise. So you need to have like, like I get to know you flex and you're really like confident in yourself and you know how to express what you want, for example, and then after a month or two of knowing you, I see, oh my god, you're actually really sensitive, and that makes me like you more because I'm seeing this contrast that surprises me. So there's that in like short
term attraction. But then yeah, like it's really this is a hard one because the five to one ratio makes sense, but also do you want to be someone that's keeping score?
Well, I think maybe the ratio is just to symbolize how many positive interactions need to happen. So you know, when couples do that anniversary post and they're like, we've been through thick and thin and ups and downs, and we're always exciting and we're always bickering, but gosh, every now and then you really come through. It's kind of like that. It can't be a relationship that's full of tension and friction and a few good interactions, and that
is the balance that we're looking for. It really does have to be an overabundance of good, exciting, reciprocal, transparent, honest, empowering and a little something to the over there that's like not so great, but you know what it is, what it is. And also the emphasis on interactions, right, I think a lot of us get caught up in the positive thoughts.
Yeah, yeah, you.
Know, like, oh, you know, I keep imagining what it would be like to do this, and oh gosh, they sent me a text, so it must mean this, And you assign all this meaning to your depiction of the your depictions of what you think is happening, as opposed to the interaction. It reminds me of when people say, oh, the definition of communication is ensuring that your message is received as intended. Most of us are just talking, talking, talking,
talking talking. We're not communicating, right, it's double checking. Do you get me? Do you understand what I'm saying? Does that make sense to you? So with these interactions, I feel like there's a sense of reciprocity there as well. Not just I had a good day. It's like we both together had a good day. Now I thought we had one, and you didn't think we had one. Then you didn't call me back. Oop oop, Right.
It happens too often. It happens too often. Yeah, to the best of us.
And what can you do because sometimes you just don't know. I mean, I always remind myself that no matter how much you try and learn about human experience, you want to get it.
Yep, Sorry, my fidget toy's fallen down. Our pretty sub Brookie's giving me this fidget toy. It's like these whole little balls stacking together. My at tension spent today has been all time.
Literally, must admit a small child. When I forgot us saying system, it reminds me of well, I'm not reminded. Damn, it's okay. But yeah, just when you put it out on paper like that, and when you think, oh gosh, it's more than just I feel personally that we had a good vibe. Is it objective or did your subjective experiences match up? And you often won't know because oh, that's what I was thinking. As much as we try and decipher human interaction and we try and draw logic
from it. A lot of us act in really illogical ways, even when we have the rational behind it. Yes, you know, it's like you did that because of this odd thing. It's like I don't know, okay.
So there's own conclusions from all different angles and from all different life experiences.
And also we behave in ways that like who really thinks before they do stuff? Sometimes it's when I overthink. That's when I don't do anything. The situations where I've been mulling over for it for weeks and months, it's because I haven't done anything on a day to day. I'm not thinking before I do stuff.
Oh I thought of this. You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune into cater on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.