On Flex and Frooms. Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch Up podcast.
Do you identify as a vibe terrorist? Do you know what that means? If you aren't one, you must know one, and if you don't know one, you are one. That applies for most things. If you aren't the pretty friend, then you know one, But if you don't know one, then you are one.
Something like that.
Say that we've got a question from an anonymous listener via the Flex and Frooms DMS. If you have questions, queries and need for advice, Flex and Frooms on Instagram is the best place to catch us. And if it so grabs the attention of producing Mikayla, we might just discuss it. What do you do with a friend that's a vibe terrorist? Listen to this, Hey, gorgeous girlies, I was listening to your latest episode and it hit me
that the vibe terrorists and energy vampire often intersect. I have an ex friend who was a textbook energy vampire, very push and pull, bringing you in when she needed you and dropping you when she didn't. She was also a wildcard to go out with. Sometimes she would bring the vibe, doing the chit chat giggles and keeping the energy up. But she was also very capable of wrecking
the vibe. She'd start making backhanded comment going up to have a little bitch sash about someone in the group, egging on too much drinking, or hooking up with someone she shouldn't have. She was capable of ending the night like that, with everyone left feeling awkward about it the next day. I'm wondering if you had a similar experience going out on the town with an energy vampire, or perhaps this was just a toxic friend. That is real the bit that really got me and I want to read it.
Zero in babe, like we're in a lawyer class. You'd be good at doing law flex.
That's what they said when I was younger.
But the law wouldn't be good at you.
You're too foody. Thank you.
Queer coded this here very push and pull, bringing you in when she needed you and dropping you when she didn't. I was chatting to a friend of mine about how I viewed friendships right and back in the day. I don't know, three years ago. I used to be very lase fair in the sense that I knew that I had really really close friends, but I wouldn't be very discerning about how close I let people get to me
to establish a friendship. It wasn't very reciprocal. If someone latched onto me, I would allow them to latch a binnacle. You know, what do you know about binnacle's babe. The turtles don't like them? The turtles don't like Yeah, they do, and then mister fisherman has got to pull them out and then take the barnacles off and then throw the turtles back in.
They hate that.
What I was noticing is that because I was so indifferent about when people would come and go, I wasn't aware where they were coming to extract and then leaving, dumping from me and then leaving, And then I would end up feeling I would have so much whiplash with certain relationships and not know why before I was just a bit of like a punching bag and didn't realize.
But the interesting thing about this energy vampire and this Vibe terrorist, and I hate to put it back on the people, but that behavior is is learned and it's encouraged through silence and indifference. So like the Vibe terrorist continues to terrorize the Vibe because nobody thinks it's their responsibility is check them, and it's not if you don't want it to be. But if you choose to keep somebody around you, there comes a point where you have to realize, am I a vibe terrorist enabler?
Yes? Agreed? Do you know? Agreed?
You know some people assume too much responsibility and then feel jaded or feel used, like you kind of cultivated this situation. I know you did it from a place of good intent, but now this person doesn't realize how much you're doing for them.
Because you're like, it's like they ruin the vibe. You're apologizing behind them, you're cleaning up after them, or you're you're setting the group chat text and she's, Oh, don't worry, she just had a bad day, like a la la la. And then when the vibe terrorist checks in, God a bit anxiety. Nah, babe, you were good, you were good. It's not worth it in this instance, right, if you have to ask, then you know the answer.
Right.
So the last question here was have you had a similar experience going out in the town with an energy write vampire. Perhaps it's just a toxic friend, probably both, But I think most people are capable of rehabilitation, but it doesn't happen on its own. People kind of need a wake up call to know that rehabilitation is required because you can normalize and neutralize your.
Behavior like that.
You're like, well, am I really a terrorist? Because you guys never say anything? Am I really that big of a problem. You were laughing just before. It was funny beforehand, and you're like, ye, I.
Was definitely previously a vibe Houdini. M So I would like kind of bring a vibe when I was somewhere, but also play on my phone a lot. Oh, I love like once I was at Icebergs with a friend and this like idea for a story series is on Instagram. Years ago, I used to do like series where I'd like real One's no, Yeah, Real One's no exactly, and I get so distracted.
I have to be like sorry, I actually have.
To like be alone for an hour an hour with all this content and this concept, and I would like remove myself early on in the nights on nights out, because I wouldn't be drinking or I'd be really tired. I have to do my routine. So I've been the Houdini. And because when you're there and then when you go, it pulls some of the vibe out. Yeah, it does, because there's nothing like people who are just strapped in.
They're with you from woe to go.
Yeah, they're just happy to be there and they'll go home with you at night. If you're like me and you're a Houdini or you were a reforming Houdini, just stay out the whole night and see if you get past See.
I disagree.
Really, I feel like enjoyable things don't need to be arduous sometimes, like so much of going out that process is a performance that you really have to try hard to figure out which bit is genuine, Like who do I actually want to speak to? Am I just suddenly like taking up this role of being a comedian because people needed to laugh? Do I really want to do rounds? Can I just buy my own drink? Am I comfortable that the night has shifted to girls' night to like,
let's find a route? All these things you don't really clock until something uncomfortable happens and you're like, hm, how.
Do I actually feel about that?
And I guess a lot of us don't really feel like we have permission to pick and choose, because you can't really pick and choose how the night goes.
You just play your position.
But one thing that really exhausted me was having to like stick it out okay, and then being like, oh my goodness, like I don't know what to how to make it fun, and I'm bringing down the energy because I don't know what I want and I can't really be a willing participant. So sometimes it's nice like give you one hundred and ten and then do what you need to do to maintain that one hundred and ten.
So for me, I like, who deniing?
Because I know if I go and come back, I still have maintained agency. Sometimes I'm like, you got to be the person who's like in for the long haul, bring people up, bring people up. But if you don't know your role, then you start jumping and confusing everybody else.
I know, just acnrmal be regular, be real.
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