Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms.
This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Well, come, you've got a great top lip.
What do you mean?
Don't much stay by the bottom, but the top one is great. It's good cupids bo.
You know what.
When I was in high school, really quickly, Brookie.
When you say really quickly, really quickly is a lie every time? Listen.
Okay, the hottest guy and you're eleven, his name was, It's okay, okay. We were all sitting around the quadrangle, the tens, elevens and twelves, and he would like flirt with us, but nag us all the time, and like because I was a joke star, they would joke with me medium comedian, part of me, part of me court jester. And he would say, you look like a duck. He said, that would look like a duck because of my upper lip.
I don't know how that works. And then the first guy I had a crush on set, I had weird lips as well.
So who do you believe?
Well, both of them said something your own lips. I've always thought they're cute, but they do curl under slightly. That's what I get when I do.
So when I say I really like a toplet. Do you think I'm jesting?
No, No, I thought it's nice. But I just thought it's in contrast with perhaps what I was told as a young impression and whole taste.
Or they're seeing something that I can't see.
The duck esque energy that I had waddling around the quad. I say this sort of say, we've got a potty. We've got a potty. It's not to do with my lips. It's not to do with ducks, but it is to do with a moral not a moral dilemma. I guess, like an exercise. I thought, I thought, exercise that is scary and upsetting. But if you need your car, just
plug in. You're not needing to talk back. I am so just relax, you know, Like I had to answer the question, Oh, they just enjoy and think what would I like someone messaging to me that I be like, I just love listening to you guys, because I think about what I would say to flex, and I think about what I would say to you, But.
You don't have to like do it exactly. And here, I'm so, what would you answer foods? I don't think I want to participate and anyway, so what what do you answer?
I need to sub someone in for these ones. Let's get to it.
Cat Flex and froomes. You're listening to flex and frooms. What the frick?
I've been cooking this one. I've been cooking a lot, actually, because the thoughts have been coming?
Ready?
Yes, would you rather people say that they can't trust you or that they can't be themselves around you?
They're not good? Are they? They're not good? And these are my favorite kind.
These are my favorite kind because then we spend less time saying like what's the right answer, and just like what answer suits you best?
I'm trying to get to know you, babe.
I want to say I'd rather them say they can't be themselves around me, because that could be positive.
But like, I'm a pig, but around you, I'm not, babe.
And I can't be a pig around you. No farting, no burping you Brookie producer.
I'm looking at you. You're looking at book.
I'm looking at you. I told you I'm off far human twenty twenty three. Ok, Yeah, I would rather. I think I like the idea of people trusting me. Yeah, I don't want to be deemed as an untrustworthy person.
Why not?
Because I don't like I'd like to feel that people around me feel comfortable. And if you can't be trusting, people are on guard, whereas oh, I guess the same with not feeling comfortable. What's yours? So wait, when when you say being interrogated.
Now, when you say you you would rather people trust you, is that by any means necessary.
Like.
I think no.
I would rather it's the term untrustworthy, yeah, rather than can't trust me. You know, like if you're an un I think, oh, you're shifty, you're malicious.
What if you're just a storyteller? Like sometimes you's like, didn't know that was sacred? I just told someone, Oh.
We all know that the town crier. I don't want to be that person.
Would I rather people say that they can't trust me or that they can't be themselves around me? I would rather people say they can't be themselves around me, because that feels like it's less to do with me, Like it is my issue, right, Like it's obviously an impact I'm having on somebody else. But the solution feels very simple. Let's just not hang out because like, clearly it's not meshing. Maybe it's a compatibility thing, Maybe it's a chemistry thing,
maybe it's a personality thing. If someone is like I don't feel like I can trust you, that makes it that makes me feel like it's something I need to immediately fix. And I don't think I would know what the solution was, right, because what if it's just a vibe. What if we've never had an interaction where I've deemed myself untrust whether I told your secret or I took something from you, but you've already got the vibe.
Well, what am I meant to do?
I just feel like that's a you problem that I've got to hold onto until it stops being You probably.
Figure it out how you've twisted it to be their problem.
No, you know what I mean?
Like you know how it's almost like when you when you have a when you have a vibe, you can't shake. What am I meant to do? It's like, let's say we walked into a room together and you're like, oh.
I've got a weird vibe? What can I do?
But now it's my problem because you've said it out loud and we're like, okay, is it the temperature? Is it like is it, you know, like don't like the color of the paint, Like, what are we going to do about it?
But now I've got to share that with you.
Yeah, bring the vibe down, Bring the vibe down, kip to yourself.
Okay, Oh that's interesting.
Yeah, that's a really hard one because I feel like they're actually quite similar. Yeah, like the reasons I the things I don't like about them are the same, which is that making people around me feel uncomfortable and making people not like me rather Yeah.
The reason why I wrote this question.
Is because I'm a liar who you don't feel comfortable around.
Okay, projecting it was a joke, if you want to unpack unpacked?
Why are my jokes not landing?
I was thinking about this because I was at a bar and I was going bar, Like, what do you call it?
Bar hopping? Yeah? I think yeah, bar hopping going from bar different.
Bars, and at each bar, and on the way to each bar, me and my friend kept running into people like not our mutual friends, but like he would know a friend and I would know someone, and then we go to a different bar and then there'd be people who, like you want to like they come over for a bit or whatever, and I just like, you know how when you are when you don't know everybody there, well, you can easily find yourself on the fringe of a conversation.
While someone's talking, people were saying like some really hectic things right, like personal things not about them, no, no about their person, about mutual friends and stuff. Were like, I don't know if they I was thinking to myself, are you saying this because you trust that I won't tell anyone? Or are you saying this because you think it's fine
information to share? And I was thinking, no matter which one it was, it all centered on trust, like some part of you chit chatting with a bunch of strangers feel safe to share this information, like you implicitly trust that it's gonna be well received, that it's not gonna go back to the person. And I was like, I don't know if I want that feeling like what about me has encouraged you to do that? And maybe it's
not even personal, maybe it's nothing about me. But then I thought, fuck, what's the alternative, Like someone saying I don't want to have this conversation around you like, oh, actually no, we'll talk.
About it later. It's like you think I don't have.
Tact You think I can't give a scotch, and maybe I can't.
You know, maybe I can't.
But I thought, damn, like that would really sting because for a second there I was judging them for speaking so freely, right, for like trusting implicitly trusting that we all know that like this is vault right, you know that I'm not gonna tell anyone and this is not gonna leave this circle.
But should you do that? Should you drive?
And then I was wigging out, so immediately I put this in my notes. I was like, I need to mull over this because I.
Feel like this, say hey.
I immediately took it to the group chat. No, I was just mulling over. I was like, Okay, there's something there, but I don't know what I'm asking. And then the other one like would you rather people say they can't be themselves around you?
Because that was also it also.
Like because I was on the fringe of that conversation and I was already like, hmmm, a fringe of one of these conversations. I was like, I want to say something, but I don't want to create a weird vibe because it's not that deep. Like I don't actually care, but if it was a group of my friends, I would say something it'd be like funny, like damn, like do you know what I mean? So I'm like now like I'm not being myself. I'm taking like a weird position,
like I was overthinking. I just had too much time with my thoughts, and I was like, I can't be myself in this conversation because I've overthought it to the point where it's not even fun to enjoy this anymore. Right, So this is off your internal Yeah, yes, because I heard this information, I don't want to hear it.
I know that I didn't want to hear it. Actually, I was just like I was thinking too much.
I was like, damn, what if this person was telling my business in this way?
Like this is not surface level gossip. This was like a little bit intense, like for friends and me.
So I was like, damn, like I don't even know if I want to be a part of this conversation. And then now I'm like, but they're so comfortable and so like why would I ruin the vibe? And am I going to rush to change the conversation because of what reason?
I don't know.
I was just like in my head that day, but I was like, this would make a good question because either way the outcome is not great, but like you gotta sit with it, hypothetically sit.
I will ask everyone that question, would.
You rather s what is it? Again?
Would you rather people say they can't trust you or they can't be themselves around you? Flex and is the answer to all of your life's problems being delusional? That's the question we're trying to answer today on flex and frooms. Yes, no, yeah, yeah, in some ways. Look, every generation has their own version of positivity and optimism and optimism I was gonna say optimivity,
which has a ring to it anyway. There's manifestation, mantras, affirmations, mindfulness, all of the above, but this one in particular seems to have a few people in a bit of a chokehold. They're really resonating with it, and other people think it's like a one stop shop to some kind of spiritual psychosis or like actual delusion where you're so out of touch with the way the world works that you break something in the brain. That it is called lucky girl
syndrome gendered for a reason I'm not sure, but on TikTok. Currently, there's a trend that's encouraging women worldwide to believe that they are in fact lucky girls. And what they do is they I mean, I don't think they say to these things out loud, but they create videos that kind of present to themselves and the world the kind of things that they are aspying for by framing it this way, I am such a lucky girl. Everything always works out. I'm so lucky that today when I leave the house,
the best thing is going to happen to me. Nothing ever goes wrong because I'm such a lucky girl. And various affirmations like that. Now, in some cases you might think, yeah, you know, for some people that like that is true. You know, maybe you do experience lucky in like varying degrees. But other people kind of think it gives you the opportunity to bypass reality in a way that's not that healthy. A lot of the critique about lucky your syndrome is
that it takes away your agency. People start living in this very like stagnant state. We're instead of actively working towards the things that will make you feel good and solid and happy, you kind of just wade around in this stagnant state, deceiving yourself or trying to shield yourself from your reality in favor of this like very odd act of like posting about how lucky you are, even if it contradicts your current reality. A few other examples
of lucky Girl's syndrome. There's this girl here is like it wasn't until I genuinely believe that great things were happening to me, that they happened right, and people are kind of like or you're just becoming aware that good things happen all the time in varying degrees and you just never notice because until it was framed as luck, you thought it wasn't important.
I'm not sure I do. I have seen the brows furrow two three times through me. How do you feel about this?
Well, I'm interested that you don't really vibe with it, because to me it sounds quite spooky.
Yeah, but I think my spool like I'm actually spooky, like raise religious spooky, like believe in God spooky. I'm not like online wo wo like pop culture spooky. And I think that's a bit of the dissonance here, where like I fundamentally believe in the concept of faith, I fundamentally believe in the concept of fate. I fundamentally believe in the concept that there are higher powers working in tandem to make sure my life is good. Maybe that's
my mum, you know, maybe it's my best friend. I don't know, but I feel gifted that I have opportunities that other people don't have. I feel lucky, But I also think that like look at my day to day, like I work eighteen hours, Like is it really lucky at a certain point or is it just like constantly working towards a thing and then recognizing when it happens. I don't really know, but I will say like a big cornerstone of my personality is like doing stuff and
like getting things done and working towards a goal. And like these affirmations don't tell you to do that at no point is lucky girl syndrome saying like think this way and then like get out the house and like plant that tree and you know, have that conversation. It's just saying if you sit there and believe it, it'll be true. And it's not true, do you know, Like you're not You're almost like it's like fake it till you make it. Culture like fake it until you make it.
But it's not just like faking it for it's entiredy. There's not doing an access there, right, And the faking it meant to help platform you, elevate, you bolster you give you a sense of confidence in order to do that thing. It isn't confidence, it isn't conviction.
Right, tell the multi level marketers literally love.
But in the same vein, I do like this idea that people are like releasing themselves from the chokehold of like depression meme culture.
Yeah, like change it up. I'm like much happy that this is the vibe you know.
When I was deep in that like twenty seventeen. Yeah, heralded in that.
That's okay, that's okay.
We can move on.
Flex and frooms say the best. What did you o?
I was on TikTok the other day and I came across this video that explained how what you want is actually a substitute for what you need.
Oh explain.
For example, if you want a fast car, it means you want power and this whole other lists of other things. If you want a relationship, you really just want physical touch.
If you continue, please pay.
If you want give me an example, from what you want that's a substitute for what you need. Okay, well just explain it to me in the way that you understand it.
It's like, you know, I don't understand concepts.
No, but like you're I don't know, it's insane, but I can't what a relationship just a hug is said.
It's like that, Okay, that's more achievable.
It's like it's like if you want to eat comfort food, you need a hug if you want it.
Okay, let me explain. It's essentially how all these.
Markers of like power, love, societal like brackets are really just you need these really simple things.
Oh you're saying, can kind of all be like whittled down into this one core simple thing. Yes, or as we grow we like over complicate it. We'd be like, no, I want this specific.
Thing, like if you want to buy a house.
See saying, everyone who wants to be in a relationship at their core just needs to be touched.
No. So an example would be you you think you really want a relationship, yeah, but you actually just need physical touch. You actually just need to be intimate with somebody. You actually need These examples or these are facts these are like examples of this concept.
I wish you had the concept.
I know, because I feel like it's in my head. It sounds like correlation doesn't equal causation. So like we could say, right that everybody who has aspirations for like traditionally flashy things, big watches, you know, big necklaces, fast cars, just want to be seen. Mm hm maybe, but that's not exactly true exactly, So that's what I'm trying to
understand from this. Has he given those examples because like he's like, this is an example of how this could be, or he's saying this is this is someone's fundamental drive for relationship, it's touch someone's fundamental drive for a fast car is power?
No, I think it was like an empowering way of looking at how all these things that you think you want can actually be achieved through other means that are more accessible to the average person. So, yeah, if you want a really fast car but you know you can't afford it, maybe actually have you considered you might actually want this into skydiving? Yeah, or just yeah, I wish that I had it. It was a TikTok, which is classic.
Okay, So is it like the concept of like an MVP, like a minimum viable product. So often when we think about the thing that we want to achieve, we think of it in its most complex, beautiful, shiny form. Like you said, I want the relationship, we put it on a pedestal it's the trophy, when realistically there are elements of a relationship that we could have access to today. Like you want companionship, you can get that right now.
You want intimacy, you can get it right now. You want someone to go to the movies where you can get it right now.
Yeah, but they're not perfect.
So exactly More similarly, like you really think that you want to go on this amazing holiday because you've pedestalized as this thing that's going to change your life. It's going to shake things up for you. It's going to invite this lust for life, and realistically, there are small ways that you can get that feeling by switching up your routine. Is that So it's like the there are simpler ways to like bypass the thing you think you need in the short term, not to so.
You can't want for things in the long term, but an option.
Yeah, And I guess it just goes down to the thing of like when you're on your deathbed, do you are all these things that you wanted that you necessarily achieved. They the things that are important?
So how did it resonate with you?
Like?
What did you think of when you were watching that video?
I just thought it was like a good not a wake up call. But it was an interesting thing to like equate really big markers of success to these simpler things. I thought that was interesting if you get swept up in wanting a particular thing, you know, anyway, the jury's out. If we find it, we'll post it on such sort of social media.
I'm looking at you, babe. I want to see it. I want to sing flex and fromes, flex and firms.
I'm not taking back what I said. I'm adding some context. In my heart of hearts, I identify as being a night out. But what I am discovering is the concept of identity is so fragile it what is it?
Even? I thought I was.
Blonde up until last week?
Literally literally, I have such a good like moral dilemma I'm working on. It's cooking. It's cooking.
I want to reveal it too soon, but it's cooking because of this exact moment not our vibes. So when I was in Ghana, if it was midnight here, it'd be midday there, So on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there was no way I could keep up with what was happening here.
Didn't even bother.
But the last week I tried, so I stayed up really late to four or five six am so I could try and like pivot my sleep schedule, so it wasn't going to be really painful when I got back here. I didn't fix it because what's been happening is that I've been becoming so tired at around like eight pm, nine pm, ten pm, and then just going to bed and then waking up at like six seven, eight am.
And I hate to say it. I hate to say it, but it's been such a little treat waking up and just mosing about.
No, I might just make a little breakfast or what's out there, just like I think I'm understanding it. But the only thing that's making it easier is the fact that my eyes are open and I'm awake. I don't think I could ever do that if I physically felt still tired, which brings me to the concept of a
morning routine. I don't have one, and I think maybe that is the formula to living a perfect life, waking up and knowing what your purposes on a small scale, that you have something like really yummy to eat, and that like you don't have to rush out of the house, Like I give myself the exact amount of time to get ready, thirty minutes to shower, brush my teeth, put on my makeup, put on my clothes. Even if I have more time, I'm like, no, no, it needs to be efficient.
But the mosing around morning routine, I'm thinking, yeah, so I learned some things. Apparently when you get up, the morning light is the you told me the other day. The morning light is going to determine how good your sleepers did some research. Andrew Hubman talks a lot about it. You need the morning light.
You also need to eat some stuff. I started thinking about my.
Body like like almost like a car where I'm like, oh damn, I just like to run on empty for fun. And how much anxiety do you get when your petrol light is on and you're just driving around.
You can't function never if.
You get it, feel your car up. It's happened to me once where I've conked out. It's don't do it.
And I just think it really pains my heart to say this as someone who likes to overcomplicate things just to think more. But sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer. And I've really been looking to how kids are raised to do my life. Kids nap and they eat regularly, and they have schedules, and they get hugs all the time.
They play, kids play. That's what we should be doing. So it's not morning routine, night out whatever, it's just live your life like a well cared for toddler.
A well cared for toddler. Yeah, twenty twenty three.
Yeah, I like that.
I see the beauty and that literally the mornings it is very hard to shake your identity if you have for so many years behaved like a night out and then at this ripe old age you realize, damn, there was something in the mornings a rape what age twenty four?
Okay, because you said ripe old and I think you're giving your signals.
It's good to find out now.
Yeah, I haven't.
Sometimes I'll just wake up really early and then I understand what it's like to just get up and go. But if I'm tired. I'm not going to put myself through that patterning. You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, Tune in to CATOR on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.