Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Hellolol, welcome to the Flex and From show.
It's Tuesday.
Oh my god, do you know what that is? And I say it, yes, you actually do TikTok? Oh my god? Okay, what do we do with friends who cancel plans? And I know what you're thinking. I've already seen Barbie and I also thought it was redacted. There's an Ai Barbie BuzzFeed debarkol necessarily related to the movie, but it's a promotional.
It is definitely related. Here's a podcast related. This is Flex and Frooms.
I'm cat what happens flex when men want to date younger women.
That's a rhetorical question. Okay.
I was on TikTok the other day, ob VI, and I came across a creator. He was standing in a forest, actually quite perfectly discussing how older men like younger women not only damages younger women and older women, but also the men who choose to play out this stereo type. I'm going to play a grab. It's a bit long, so take a date. Breathin Mickey places.
By the type.
Men have this idea that very young women. Basically, children are the epitome of attractiveness, shove down our throats so hard that most guys never learn to see past it, and that's obviously super harmful to women in tons of ways. In the same way that I am less mature than a seventy year old as a thirty eight year old man, a twenty three year old is just a lot less mature than I am. That's no critique of them. They're
doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing. When we as men continue to romantically and sexually idealize women who are not fully grown or mature by the standards of our own age, that becomes very dangerous. We're now trying to attract partners who are at a totally different life stage, one which is inherently selfish, often insecure, and kind of performative.
And because we've idealized people in those life stages as partners, we become much more likely to behave and try to behave like teenagers or men in our early twenties.
When it's said like that does the same that revolutionary, I'm not sure, but it did have me hit for six as having been put on quite a younger woman there is a phenomenon if you've not been in my position, where you assume that you are just really mature, and it's only when you.
We could poll every woman in this building and we get one hundred percent.
I've lived that. I've lived that life.
It only has been since me growing into the ages that are above the age of the men that I was dating. I've finally just clocked one of them that I dated, and now I'm older than him, that I realize the absurdity of wanting to date someone so much younger than me. It's easy when you're like in the future to.
Be like, why did I do that? That's so random.
I understand now that I do really believe that women mature earlier than men. I don't know, however, and especially after watching this video, how much of that is like learned helplessness on the behalf of men, or if it really is like a developmental thing. I'm not sure, but.
Any neuroscientists in the building.
Yeah, please human get him on speed dial. It is interesting because I always think the people that cop the biggest fall out of this is women who are a bit older. I imagine, oh, you're in your thirties, like it's actually the time you want to meet someone, But all the guys your age that are appropriate are going for younger women.
I'm sure that does happen, but.
The idea that it is negative towards men, as we know, I like to think about men quite a bit, how they're feeling. I never thought that this would be something that would actually adversely affect them.
Which I think is the problem with a lot of cultural conversations that position men the same men who made capitalism, the same men who made communism, the same men who made socialism, the same men who made racism. They don't have the wherewithal to comprehend basic life stuff. The way that society encourages us to infantilize men and their understanding of their place in the world is exactly this.
We're all getting infantalized.
We're all getting infantalized, but we have to be both baby and mum at the same time.
And this brings us back to what Freud.
Was saying to real woman's work, talking about menstrual cycles and not in a crass way. Okay, in the same way you understand hay fever during springtime.
And also testosterone.
Yep, you understand chemicals, neurotransmitters. You should understand a little bit more about the mentual cycles. So what we talked about briefly a couple of months ago is referring to our cycles in binaries. We've got the flop and we've got the sleigh. The flop is always when you're menstruating. And mind you, if this does not resonate, this is someone with a very average cycle twenty eight days, like clockwork,
we've got endometriosis. Pcos. It's not for you, but everyone can listen, tune in, please, So mensuation generally a flop ovulation, generally a sleigh for loquila.
Slag, sleigh, premntal, prelop. Yeah, flop.
Now it's good to know because I think for a lot of people they regard the arrival of their flop era as a bit of a surprise. Oh that's why I was in a bad mood. Oh that's why I was cramping. Oh that's why my nip pulls a tender or whatever it might be.
I could easily go number two.
Literally, that's why I was coming out of me. Like I said, it wasn't gonna be crashed. It's not crass, Okay, Okay, I've never been crass in my life. The thing about this is understanding your cycle should be bare minimum. I'm not gonna shame you, but I do think that this bare minimum knowledge would change your life and improve it in ways that you are not ready to truly understand.
And so what I've been trying to incorporate into my life is cycle sinking, and so the practice of tracking your menstrual cycle and structuring certain elements of your life around it. I referenced this book by Lucy Peach called Period Queen, and it's all about your menstrual cycle and everything you need to know. Instead of using the flop era of slagh era terminology, she talks about how you
should navigate your life during your cycle. So, when you are menstruating, that's a good time to just like dream, she says, So it's a good time to think ID eight, brainstorm, don't push yourself to do stuff. It's really when you should be winding down, babes. Your uterine lining is shedding, like there's bloodshed happening in your homb This is not the time to be hind That's exactly it. And then ovulation, obviously, it's when you're feeling the best. It's when you're looking
your best. It's when you really should be getting up and at them today. Everyone happy, Ovulation. I feel as though where I've been integrating cycles, where it's been really helping is professionally. This might not work for everyone, but it's where I find it most reasonable because it's the only part of my life that's actually structured. So what I'm trying to do is like in Flop era menstruating.
No photo shoots.
Why are we doing that? No photo shoots. Let's not do the big hosting gigs. Let's not do the dejaying things. Let's not do things to Let's not do things we have to show up and pretend like I feel good, like I'm not like literally cramping and in fetal position if I was at home right Ovulation. When I'm looking and feeling my best, Hello, that's when we can do these gigs. The issues fact about get out. I got energy pre flop take it seriously. When you feel your
energy going down, don't try and find it. This is when you start preparing for the reality that I'm be out and not out physically but out mentally. So let's start getting the brainstorming in now. Yep, let's get the coach please, yes, get the meal prep stuff, get the snacks in, a bit of ice cream, that whatever you need to be doing. But what I would recommend is if you are someone who menstruates and you're someone who wants to take a bit more control of their life,
definitely google cycle sinking. We haven't even scratched the surface, and I can already tell it's gonna be life changing for the girlies. And then next step is well domination, when we start to change the corporate industry by operating on woman's cycle, because we all know the eight hour day is based on a man's hormonal cycle, and it does not work for me.
It doesn't work for me. Am I, am I the asshole?
We have an m id asshole. I know what you're thinking. Every single media publication in Australia and all the world does am I the asseholes. But the difference with Flex and Friends is we did it first May twenty twenty two.
Let's say we were at the forefront. And also we bring.
To it a certain jennes SECOI oh that is never before seen. This was sent in by a woman called Caroline. Hello, I haven't am I the usehole question to submit. I have a close friend who has formed a habit over the years of canceling on plans on the day of them, always starting anxiety as the reason. Oh my god, I'm always so understanding and supportive, even when the cancelation tends to ruin my night and I end up missing out on alternative arrangements.
My blood pressure is arising right now.
Flex.
I'm skeptical of this person's excuses for anxiety because whenever I have messaged her offering her something in brackets, giving her some furniture, or offering something she can benefit from, she has no anxiety and will be.
At my door immediately.
However, when it comes to sticking to plans, she pulls a mental health card. Oh she really got put a whole books into this one. I've had enough. Last week we were meant to catch up after many failed attempts, and her boyfriend ended up messaging me canceling on her behalf.
That is something else.
I said, absolutely no. I messaged her directly telling her that her consistent canceling is actually selfish and poor form, and I said, look, I've been patient to understanding with your needs and anxieties for a very long time. Now, what about my needs? I really like how this chick writes. It sounds like she's having a combo. Good inn it for further context. I've been going through a hard time myself and a heartbreak. Oh I really you need my loved ones to show up for me, girl, I've been here.
My message her was quite direct, which we love her at the Flex and Firm show, and I told her that sometimes even if you have a bit of anxiety, you just need to show up for your loved ones preach. It's been a week and she hasn't replied to me at all. WHOA am I the asshole for casting doubt over her anxiety forward slash telling her that she's not being a good friend.
I am so sick of people using anxiety.
It is kind of like me getting sick of people using partners yea, as I get out of y your free card, I am understanding, but at some point I have to draw a line in the sand. She has canceled on me four times in the last month. Oh, I also think they're getting a boyfriend to cancel for her. Was particularly pathetic. Am I being too hush? Fle see me with your thoughts.
As someone who spent a few of my formative years being the friend to always broach the tough conversation. The thing they don't tell you is you're often told that if you do the hard thing right, like if you leave with the hard conversation, if you be the bigger person,
you'll get the outcome you want. Often that is not the case, and so the first thing that I caution people not to do is to assume that you doing the mature thing or the open thing is going to get you the outcome that you want, because you're already dealing with someone who has showing you that they don't have the capacity to be there for you when it's quite easy, So when it's hard, you're almost asking for too much.
Yes.
Another thing that I've been practicing recently is trying to measure people's behavior relative to them and not to me. So if you're operating with someone who's already flaky, who isn't too considerate of your needs and your emotions and how.
You feel, somebody who doesn't plan things un till the day before.
You know, then are you really going to be Is this someone that you can negotiate with in your time of need.
I'm not sure.
I don't think you were the asshole, and I think it's good to share the responsibility. A friendship is a partnership. It requires both of you to put in. And it seems like for a little while that you're putting in the ingredients. You've brought, the pot, you've brought the stove, you paid the gas bill, and they're like, hey, do you mind stirring, And she's like, my boyfriend said, I can't.
Shielded, shielded.
I think you did the right thing, Caroline. I think you really did. I agree with you so wholeheartedly. Flex about kind of this person is at their capacity. Yeah, they cannot change. So I think Caroline, your message wasn't futile. It had to be said because you need to get your side of the story out there. And sometimes I think, particularly if you have anxiety. In my experience with anxiety, your focus becomes very narrow.
You're focusing on you how you feel.
You don't really in my experience, I don't think about other people when I'm in that zone. And sometimes, unfortunately, you need a wake up call because if I got this message and I was this chick, I might not change my behavior because, as you said, I might be at capacity, but it is a wake up call to think.
Other people do have feelings.
They may not be diagnosed with anxiety, but I think you did the right thing. Don't expect her to change. Maybe you guys need a little bit of time apart, and I'm glad you broach this topic. If you want to not broach it and then you just disappear out of her life, she's gonna take your shit with that as well, so you may as well say your peace because you deserve it, and then wait until she's in a better headspace because obviously you guys have had fun before she's a madirs.
Yeah, I do agree that the boyfriend reach out is a bit pathetic in your own words, only because it puts you in this weird position where you now have to plead your case yes to uh what do you call it, somebody figure? An intermediary mediator.
Yeah, and we're not to leave it alone.
Are you sick of talking about Barbie? Neither? So let's do it again controversy this time. We don't like to be contrarians for fun. We just find it really important to bring both sides with the argument. As they say, can I play Devil's Advocate?
What's it called? Like real news?
Like unfiltered depend So this time it's a story about BuzzFeed. Shout out to BuzzFeed. Can't believe they're still a live and kicking. Really impressed by that effort. And AI, what do you think happens when you ask an AI program to generate a barbie, like a physical manifestation of a barbie representative of every country in the whole wide world. So a barbie for Germany, a barbie for Ghana, a barbie for poland a barbie for Singapore using just aggregated
data and information from the Internet. What do you think happens? You get generated images that are full of prejudices and stereotypes and like inherently racist imagery, also imagery that is incorrect and not exactly true. Many of the Hispanic and Latina barbies were whitewashed, so there were pictures being having orange chair or having really fair complexions, right, or the barbie from Russia was holding a gun.
That's crazy.
Yep, that'll do it. Also the barbie from South Sudan was also holding a gun. You can imagine.
The more you go through.
You start to pick out the inconsistencies in this But aside from the obvious issue with the content, about like creating these representative figures that are going to exist on the Internet for ages, considering how much press this movie is getting, and imagine in a decade from now when you look back and that is the representative of a whole country. It's not good stuff. And who's meant to challenge that narrative the people in the comments. So that's
not going to hold up. But it sparked this conversation about bias in AI, which we talked a lot about.
This idea.
If AI is being programmed by humans, or at the very least it's aggregating data from the Internet that exists that humans built, then of course the information that it garners is going to be inherently racist, inherently sexist, or just built in the image of its creators, which is generally a specific type of person, a white man. I'm not to say the white men at racist, but it's through the lens of someone seeing the world in a
very specific way. So when you get to the outcome of what this AI produces, people don't know who to blame. Is it the AI. Is it just society? Is it the creator of said AI program? Nobody knows. And also the conversation kind of reaches Aholt because people are kind of like, well, I mean, if it's getting the data from the internet, stereotypes are real, aren't they Like they
got to come from somewhere. And so then the conversation gets to be quite like straw manny in the sense it's like, well, what if and what if and what if and what if?
And I feel like people.
Like, we's too soon to be having these discussions.
It's too soon.
It's like we're literally in it.
It's hectic.
If you want to see the actual images of what we're talking about, you can go the Instagram Impact Impact and there's like huge carousels of like all the different barbies, but also the commentary, which is really interesting. So go do that and use this information for your next water cooler chat.
You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast.
For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.