The Flex and Rooms Daily Podcasts, Hay Rooms, we're.
On the podcast. Do you reckon? That's nice when you just have a chill kind of vibe?
Yeah, I do.
I wonder what it's like as a listener.
I think it's always easy to listen to a chill vibe over a like.
Because I don't know about you, but I would if someone's going right, my brain goes like in a good way. Following up, No, not necessarily.
I think of my favorite podcast, How Long Gone, And it's just two guys chatting m and they never do too much. They just have a lot of opinions, always something to say. But you know, I find some podcasters and no shade, they overcompensate their lack of interesting thoughts who are just speaking really animatedly, loudly or like aggressively.
Yes, certainly not myself.
Do you do you speak animatedly, loudly or aggressively?
I don't feel like that's You're not the judge, you're too close to the source. Oh okay, Well, but we do need to think about self perceptions because today's episode is mainly about housemates. What you need to ask a housemate before you move in with them, personally, I'm a bit of a renegade master this next house, I'm gonna be going in chill vibes and say in our vibes because I will be leaving soon anyway. If that doesn't make sense, listen and it will. It's such a pleasure
do in this podcast. You know, I listen to it back. Do you listen to it back?
I do? Are you why to just hear how it sounds?
You know, it's I think it's similar to watching your Instagram story back from the perspective of.
Someone who hasn't posted it. You're like, this is entertaining. Hmmm, I'll do it back with the podcast.
Yeah, I'm always looking at my story.
Yeah.
It's the equivalent of smelling your hearts.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Anyway, enough chatter, let's go. And I love being medium sized. I'm a medium sized woman. My heart is one sixty. That's medium sized.
It's average.
Yeah medium yi yeah, yeah yeah.
Yeah.
To averages, medium is average medium or maybe not, maybe not, because medium doesn't have to be average.
Yeah. Medium just in the middle of the smallest and the biggest. Yeah.
If we're talking hot, that's probably yeah, we're talking hit above average of medium for women.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm above average and something that sometimes you want to be is a little And So I was on Reddit and this woman was asking questions on how to act small and cute. I'm going to read out her question and we're going to try and give her some tips. The title is how to act soft, slash cute as a tall woman.
With a deep voice.
So already it's hitting some of our demographics, say baritone, Yeah no, I don't think. I don't think we necessarily have shrill voices, which I think is often associated with higher voices.
We can go deep. I don't think they are deep.
I'm going to read you this just to clarify. I'm not doing this to please one guy in particular. But soft and cute it's the type of attractive I want to be, and ideally i'd like to attract someone protective and manly. I have trauma from middle and high school bullying over being the tall, manly black girl with a deep voice. Also, I was admittedly big. Becoming skinny helped a lot, and that sucks. I'm so deeply uncomfortable with
that image. And the truth is I'm weak and emotional and I want it to show I can tell someone off if I'm in danger or disrespected, of course, but I'm talking about being seen as soft cute by people in general. First of all, do you think it's possible without being short and naturally cutesy? So many women get off that cutie pie vibe effortlessly. But when I'm my normal self, I'm only being referred to as dominatrix mommy queen.
Why for cursing, wearing keels, or being assertive, or you know, because I'm a black woman, a dominant Yes, disgusting.
Anyway, Second, I write this.
When I found this, I just read the title and then she started telling this. Second of all, if I have to put on a show, what do I do? Good posture is a natural for me. I'm working hard on not cursing. I think it helps. I like to wear pink and dresses and look feminine, but heels are a no no. I want to avoid being taken as dominant. I try to sound like Miley Cyrus. And if I'm trying to be anyway, if I no Miley, shame, We've shamed nowhere Cyrus enough on.
This, there's no WI Why are you we?
I did someone know a research, and I really like her, so take it back. I'm glad. Do you think it will help if I speak quietly? Or is it just annoying and it comes off as being insecure. I'm so tired of being attractive only as a strong woman. Tell me what to do, yaches.
This is a no comment for me.
Acting small and cute is just that acting small and cute. So there's nothing you can really do to change the general perception if it's going to require performance, if you to even get there, Like, in order to act small and cute, you'd need to have a physical social interaction with everyone for them to see you as small and cute, and that's not what you want. You want to be just perceived as small and cute generally.
So you think it's not possible for her because the only way she be seen as small and cute is if she puts effort in.
Yeah, it'll be a caricature of performance.
It's like, act small and cute, start wearing you know, pink cardigans, pearls, speaking in a high pitch, real voice, fall over a couple times when you're walking down the grocery store aisle, like it would definitely work, Like at what costs?
Do you think there's a way to be I think her issue is that she wants to attract the right people, and it sounds like she's not attracting the right person. Does she need a change who she wants to be attracted to?
Oh?
Or does she need a change full stop?
I think it is about self perception. So like, for example, grass is green and vibe, we all get it, Like you assume that the contrast to what you have would be better for your circumstance because your current circumstance is not working. But then, you know we've spoken about before, like the women who are getting their voices deepened because it's so high pitched not being taken seriously, and the amounts of women getting boob jobs because they don't want
to be perceived as boyish. It's like the same issue on either side. I don't think it goes away, but I do think working on self perception also works as well, because internalizing that small and cute is inherently feminine because it is socialized that way. Is the issue, Like, it's one thing for that to be the general consensus, and it's another thing for you to think that and believe.
That and you think you can telk yourself into feeling that way.
Of course, because, for example, I remember when I started doing stuff in media, a lot of the rhetoric was like, how do you how are you so confident being plus sized? And I was like, I didn't even really know that that's what the phrase was before I came into media.
You people said this.
Now it's in my head, you know, And then I was thinking, like, I was raised by a Liz. I don't know about your parents, but my parents geed me up, made me feel so special, so hot, so pretty, so smart. So I literally can't untangle from the way that I was like brainwashed to be thinking that I was special, pretty cute, and smart in the same way that I'm sure it's hard for everybody else to brainwash themselves into thinking or not recognizing that beauty standards are real, that they exist.
But I guess the.
First step is to interrogate who made you feel certain things about the world, and is the way that person sees the world more important than the way you want to see the world.
Yeah?
Is there a world where you can be who you are as you look and still be perceived by yourself as delicate and.
So cut, small and cute. It's great advice. I'll send it on flex and frooms.
It's been too long since we've had a bit of it. I wouldn't call it a moral dilemma. It's just an interesting question to unpack and uncover a bit more about you and hopefully learn a little bit more about me.
I think I've seen enough.
I've seen what I needed to see. Question for you, If you could choose to never have to sleep, breathe, or eat and still stay lies, what which would you choose?
Never to do breeze, sleep what?
I love to sleep and I love to eat. I don't want to give either of those up. WHOA what about you?
I would?
I would say eating because I really enjoy eating, but I hate that it's tied to living, and I hate all the health implications with it, Like you can't just have it little snack to yourself and do enjoyment. It's like, oh, don't eat that high cholesterol. Don't eat that, you're gonna get the itis. Don't eat that, you'll get really tired.
Don't eat that it's really bad for you. And sometimes you just need to eat something, and all of a sudden, and I think what's also really bad for me is I get food fixations, so I'm not even enjoying the things I'm eating. I'm just created a habit in my brain that's like, we're eating this, now.
Why do you get food fixation?
I was gonna say I was raised the pickI eater, but I just grew up being a pickI eater, So at one point it was necessary for me to pick a food and eat it because I wasn't gonna eat anything else. So the habit came from being young and feeling being like I only like egg whites this time, I only like egg yolk. I only like this. Mom's like, okay, well you just need to eat something, so eat this. And then the habit of picking one.
Food stuck.
Cycle.
It's a very boring thing to do thinking about what to eat. I just want to eat for fun. So I would definitely remove that one. Okay, I know I said that you can pick one and still stay alive, but I feel like breathing has all these extra considerations like isn't breathing the reason why, like your blood circulates and stuff.
Don't you need to Yeah?
Also, i'd miss the feeling of.
Like, are you breathing into the mic, doing deep breaths before you start speaking.
I'd miss that too. So which one you said? No breathing? I said no eating?
Yeah, because I like like I like the feeling of being hungry and then sat eating your hunger. I love the feeling of being really tired and then getting into bed.
Just foody things.
Yeah, but both of those things are very much If they don't go right, it's like has a big impact on you, which I guess is the same with breathing, Like if you if you're really hungry for a long time, you lose concentration, if you can't sleep, like asleep last night.
Terrible is the worst, the worst one.
Yeah, everybody needs to go and ask their nearest and dearests just it doesn't even matter what their answer is, but just why they've picked it.
Mmmm.
You know I like that because consequences just a bit of fun.
A little bit of homework for everyone you're with flexing frooms.
This is flex and frooms on CAD pet names. Do you believe in them?
Yes or no? Before you can even get it out of your mouth, I'm saying yes, yes, mammy.
Which ones do you use?
Hunt? Yep, bubba.
That's oh, I love when you call me doll. It's a good one.
Love is one that I'm trying to bring into the rotation.
Have you always used those?
Probably They've actually become more prevalent as I've gotten older. Like, for example, I was at a cafe on the weekend and woman had me my coffee who was younger than me, and I said, oh thanks, HNH, Like, WHOA have I become like one of those all the weak age you've
aged out? Because it doesn't feel passive aggressive when I say it, but I remember being young and people calling me han like I don't believe in calling particularly people who are working in service or people that I don't know, or older people calling me hun can feel often quite hostile.
I wasn't say condescending, Oh yeah, that true, but I definitely also received as condescending.
I was like, it doesn't even fly off the tongue.
And then I think the transition is you date someone and then you do pet names on one thousand, but you don't grow out of the habit, so you replace the partner pet names, which is a general pet name everyone can get it.
Definitely a babe a babes babes A love and a lovely.
Yeah, what do you say on emails? You say something on emails? Oh you say olah all a lovely, all a lovely everyone gets it. Not gendered, don't care. The babes to me is aggressive.
Yeah, but that's from love Island. Oh really, you're right babes.
Yeah.
Look Greg, and we're having a tough one.
She sounds not from my filence.
I'm an essexcal I digress.
There is someone here who's really upset because they don't enjoy being called pet names and doesn't know how to tell the person pet naming them that they're not comfortable with that. When reading that, I felt like, wow, maybe I am the issue because I hadn't really thought about it a lot. But I always assume that people would find being called pet name quite endearing, because I mean it to be endearing.
But you know, listen to this.
My lesbian girlfriend as in girl space friend won't stop calling me pet names, and I don't know how to tell her.
I feel super uncomfortable.
I'm a straight female thirty one years old and my friend is twenty six. She pops in and out of my life, and I've known her for some years, but we rarely see each other. Recently, she's gone through a breakup and has a lot of issues at home, and I've been trying to be a good friend and be there for her, and lately she texts me a lot or calls me almost.
Every day to talk for hours. Well, she's been calling.
Me babe bee bee bee, my love love, and.
It makes me uncomfortable.
She's also asked if I could be her sleeping buddy so when she's I see what the conferend is, okay. She's also asked me if I could be her sleeping buddy so when she's sleeping to call me so I can be on the phone and she could fall asleep. I said no and said I don't keep my phone next to me when sleeping. She also sends me good night text messages and a lot of TikTok's dedicating songs to me. Don't I have said I appreciate her as
a friend, but nothing else. She responded to that, saying she's just big talk but would never do anything but the whole babe bee calling makes me extremely uncomfortable and I don't know how to approach it since I don't want to offend her and assume she's trying to replace her excess attention with mine.
Whoa, heck, there's a lot of layers that. Yeah, that headline misleading, so misleading. There's a biggest issue.
It's bubbling over. I personally have a lot of thoughts on this one.
What are your initial thoughts flex My initial thoughts is I wish for most platonic friendships to have just an element of romance. I think that friends should be romancing each other. Take your friend to a nice dinner, buy
a friend of nice anniversary gift. Definitely, I think that we need to elevate the sacred nature of friendship, especially close friendships, make me your soulmate, commit to them in a way that you would to romantic partner, like be like I'm gonna be here, write or die for you a love.
All of that.
Seems like you don't want that from this person. So in this case, I really don't know how I would approach a situation where somebody was making me so uncomfortable and that I hadn't already expressed that I was uncomfortable if for some reason, I'm imagining, if your messaging here that you've already alluded to it and be like, hey, look like, don't call me those things. They don't like it.
They're not taking you seriously. I would soft ghost, but this person started the message with saying she pops in and out of my life and I've known it for years, but we rarely see each other. So to me, a soft ghost is nothing but a recalibration. I don't know this whole. Honesty is the best part. Honesty is the best policy policy over communicative thing. As an over communicator, I swear it works half the time. I think this year here is different. I think she's concerned that the
friend has feelings for her. The fact that she mentioned.
The first sentence that her friends a lesbian suggests to me that she's a little bit too consumed that the lesbian vibes might be put upon her.
Is that just what straight people do? Sometimes?
Though?
People Yeah, like, I can't be affectionate without you feeling like I want to root you. Yeah, I do not just be affectionate with you. And maybe that's just not the relationship. Maybe you can't.
Maybe that's just what it is. What would you do?
I personally use a lot of pet names, particularly in a work sitting.
I love to say.
King, King, queen, prince, princess.
We love king.
People love it when I like, I saw my neighbor the other day, I was like, hey, King, can you help me? He's like, thank you so much calling me King, Like I really appreciated that. I'm like, this is on rotation. It feels so not the only one, of course, but love you King, Blame my king, that's my king. But I'm definitely someone who's done pet names in relationships. Me using pet names has become a new thing as I've
gotten older. But previously I'd have a boyfriend we call each other baby, which before that I would have thought that was absolutely disgusting. But when someone you know, throw some babies around, I think she should. Maybe maybe I agree with this soft ghost in this scenario, but I also do think it is they allowed it to get to this point. Oh you never you allow things in your relationships. I'm going to say that, and then you get mad when they take you up on offers.
As we have discovered, fifty percent of all of your conflict is half of your fault, to be regarded obviously with a grain of salt, But in this situation, you gotta go hard. You're gonna go soft, go hard. That's full hate.
I'm not fenfortable.
Can't happen. Please stop, We're not doing this anymore. Please foot down, go soft ghost for.
Me, I'll use too match I hate lol no more Bay call me, call me the sinder And then for some funny emojis, you.
Got a way out? Yeah you're listening to Flex and Frooms on Cada.
I have been staying in my same house for two years now. The lease is coming up in October, just as I got back from Europe. Because I love when things are line up in a way that's extremely stressful, but I digress.
Spice, spice of life. Yeah, OK, it is a bit like that.
I've been. I've had a quite chill, quite a chill few months. I'm probably ready to get a kick up the ass. But of course, in conjunction to having to find a house, I'm also needing to find a new housemate. So someone that I know, a friend of mine, has decided to make the leap and move out with me.
Amazing and I know how well.
Like I don't think I need to ask how she lives, because I don't feel like I need to ask cash this because I've got a really great gauge on her and we have a lot of mutual friends, and I just know what she's like. She's a very hard worker.
Have you seen her house? Yes?
Okay, and you set foot in, Yes, you've had a look yep. Great like the furniture, like the vibe, very much like her. However, we want a third housemate. We've both been casting the net and she has been period.
We've been doing casting.
Well, we kind of have the woman that I'm moving out with. One of her friends is keen to move out, so we had a group chat the other day over Facebook Messenger, little call up, but the friend is in another country, so the kind of the times were in lining up, so it ended up having to be just me and her having a conversation on the phone, no awkwardness, which was amazing. Really liked her vibe, strong, confident, fun
like just seemed like a good vibe. Also, she probably might listen to this, so but I love that anyway, I won't get the way any details. I also don't wanted to turn her off, like I don't usually use people for content that I live with just FYI. So my question to you flex is what should have I asked her? Or what should I ask her and my friend before moving in with them? Because it's a three person sharehouse and I know things can go wrong in
this dynamic flex. I know you live alone. I do, so I'm not sure how helpful you'll be in this scenario, but extremely helpful.
Don't you worry about it.
I'm glad you're asking, because I have made the mistake in too many situations where I needed to be asking the right questions of just making sure that I was being charming and facilitating them being charming. And before you know, I'm like, wait, I didn't check anything. I remember before I moved into my most recent apartment. I had just finished watching some kind of TikTok about what you should check before you move into an apartment.
It's from this New York based real term who leases shitty apartments. So she's like, this is what you should look out for.
So she's like, look at the shower pressure, the water pressure in every room. Check how many bars you have when you're walking into every room. Check where the powerpoints are, if they're inconvenient locations for the rooms that you think you might want to use them for so if it's a bedroom, other powerpoints on either side of the bed, etcetera, etcetera. I went in, didn't do any of that. I didn't
even go into this apartment. Actually Sally went into this one, So yes, can we do GI do all the FaceTime I get the gist. I didn't have the gist. I moved and I was like, whoa, what this place is so much bigger than I thought. Wow, So where was the And I'm trying to give it to cross referencing, so bad person's asking this sense. But I would say, the one thing that I want to know is don't ask questions about this person in particular, tell them about scenarios and see how they respond.
Whoa. Yeah. My other friend was saying we should do some sort of like experiment like that with each other.
Because if you say, like, oh, you know, how are you with like cleaning?
Oh yeah, like good, like I'll get it done or whatever, be like, oh, you know, we had our last housemate who was always on my back for not doing dishes every day, like are you what do you think about that?
What do you begone?
See how they respond, and then find a different way to answer ask the same question because I also think the tricky thing is we're not all as self aware as we like to think that we.
Are upsetting for me to know about.
We're all a mess.
So I don't think anyone's gonna say out loud like, yeah, I'll leave my stuff everywhere if I feel like.
It a dirty, dirty heathen in the house, they will.
Be hair everywhere. You won't know.
Also, I find that like ask the questions that matter based on the household that you are trying to curate. So I'd imagine you want like a not a rag of household, but it did a party, social household. Maybe watch some TV together, have some chit chats, you know, like you're building some kind of familial unit.
Maybe not siblings, maybe aunties.
Yeah, or something together. So are they open to that life style as well? Do they also cook? Do they also enjoy? Because I think if I was living with someone now, I would want someone who lived a very practical and repetitive lifestyle.
Yes, me too, them being my rock let me be the chaos.
Well, both the girls that I'm potentially moving in with I have full time jobs that acquire office times, whereas, as you know, in my life, we just come into cata. Otherwise I'm roaming around like a little frog in the forest doing what a lot friend, literally flitting about the place. So it'd be nice to have a bit of.
Yeah, I feel nervous about picking the wrong person and living with them for a year, Like, what is the worst kind of person you think you would live with?
I'm very unflappable these days. Wow, Previously I wouldn't have been. Previously it was quite an anxious thing to try and find a house. I've had to share houses in my time. Both very positive. Now I feel like I could kind of handle anything. I don't want to jinx myself. Probably the things that I would worry about would be people who like a judgmental of my lifestyle, because my lifestyle is like relatively unconventional. I do go to bed quite late.
What time.
Lately it's been like one or two am, not exactly by choice. I've been struggling sleeping and I get up whenever I want, And I find it very frustrating if someone is like an early riser, if they comment on my or they're like, you know, it's such a beautiul day outside. Yeah, I'm gonna find that out for myself.
Three is it you've missed the whole day. Yeah, literally, like you never.
Get up this early. It's like, yeah, because I don't have to.
Yeah.
So yeah, someone who doesn't really shame my lifestyles, because that's a huge one. It's gonna be unconventional. My escape as well, is that in an ideal world, in my dream, I'm going to be moving out by myself in the next you know, after twelve months time, I think it's time for me to make the leap, become become my own self sustaining unit.
So what you're saying is you can handle anything for twelve months because you're trying to be out of there.
Uh huh, Okay, cool. I know it's not a fever.
I think with anything that could be challenging. If you think it's going on forever, it's quite unbearable. But if you give yourself a date, even if it doesn't happen, you've got some mental escape routes.
Yeah, the whole thing sounds very stressful.
I don't know if the living situations that do exist currently, like the positive ones, if they were a byproduct by someone's strategy or it was just by chance. But the two amazing sharehouse experiences you had. Do you think that you had anything to do with it prior to moving In.
The first one, I knew the woman from work, and she's a very very curated, intentional person, super smart like you and her would get along very well because she thinks about everything she does and it's all very considered, and she likes her alone time and curates people, has dinner parties. Oh, she's very crafty. She's just like a genius. And then my current housemate is very go with the flow and fun and with the same age that was good for a certain thing and very receptive to feedback.
We both are, so I think I've like in part, facilitated it as well. It's kind of I think for the most time that I've lived with people, i've been single, Like there's been a while where I've been with someone else, and I think that can change your dynamic. So I'm not sure what I'd be like if and when I find a partner in this sharehouse. That complicates things.
But what are you imagining yourself to be like?
More just taking up more space than I usually do and just bringing a new energy into the house that I have to be kind of responsible for that's a lot of pressure. Like we were saying now that you don't put your boyfriends out there or anyone you're dating just because how they might reflect on you. It's giving that. But in a household, very domestic situation, yes, but yeah, yeah, that's a whole nother kettle of fish that I personally don't have to deal with right now. But I look
forward to it. I'm really excited to a.
Lot of new changes it is.
I'm going to need some moving out tips from you.
Yeah, yeah, wow, flax and frooms.
See. I am a big fan of Mona. I know you are too, as you kind of growling, huge fan. It's pretty cool. I like the kind of one shift that it's had from when I was a child being considered really daggy and scary. It was a lot of misconceptions, absolutely jokes that were bandied about about Tasmania. Absolutely anymore.
I'm happy for them. It's a great pr move. I'm sure.
I'm not sure, but I could imagine the residents might feel a bit of resentment, because it's always a bit weird when like the thing you were bullied for is the thing that's now cool.
The people that get to glow up. Yeah, I was reading this is actually this segment isn't actually really related to it, But I wanted to talk to you about the Festival of Dangerous Ideas. And I saw this before all happening. I read it on the City Morning Herald about a talk on a certain act, a certain sexual act that is deemed illegal and rightly so. And I
think this talk. Wanted to kind of consider the parameters of that issue and talk about it freely, because the whole thing about the Festival of Dangerous Ideas is sharing opinions and thoughts on things that we don't often.
Talk about Critical Thinking Fest.
Something similar happened with Mona a few years ago with the I believe it was a performance with somebody inside a carcass of a animal. What is your take on things that are inflammatory, or rather things that explore issues that make us uncomfortable.
I think they're necessary, but I am very mindful of the environments they happen in. So obviously we've had discussions before on you know, it's not always the most safe and sensible thing to talk about inflammatory topics to any old audience, because you're not really responsible for what.
They do with that information. And how that impacts other people. So I think in.
A relatively sane, sensible environment where we're not just like nurturing a bunch of Serira killers, I think, yeah, let's have a little chit chat. I also think that this is why you need quote unquote safe spaces, not spaces that are like without danger, but safe as in like minded people, shared goals, shared interests, shared responsibility, shared sakes.
Then you can have these discussions fairly. But if it's just like chatting, you know, tidbits in a random area to a random crowd, with no responsibility of anything that gets said, slippery slope.
What's the difference between the safe space where people are respectful and an echo chamber.
Well, I think a safe space, like for me, this station, like what this room is a safe space because I know that I can say what I need to, I have time to reiterate on a thought, I can backtrack, I can think out loud. That is safe for me. I don't feel hostility when I share an idea that is odd or strange, and I think that they're like, I think you're humor me enough that I can get to my point and feel as so I'm allowed to
do that. An echo chamber would be if you were parroting everything that I said because I said it.
I mean per win interesting good to know the I'm sure.
Other people have different distinctions.
I'm personally very hard to offend, and I don't have any religious time, so it's very hard for me to be offended by what people do because I don't necessarily have very strong opinions on things. It's very hard when you feel targeted and attacked, especially for art reasons, to not behave in a way that's wanting to tear them down. But will you be going to dangerous festive ideas?
I want to go at least for one day or a few sessions here and there. Just depends because each session has a different ticket, So you have to know what you want to go to before you go, and that, to me is just too much planning.
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