Flex and Frooms Flex and Fromes.
This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Happy Thursday, Everybody, seventh of September. What a beautiful, beautiful month. September is guys, the Spotify stork. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then I would say you've not been in the trenches. However, this is like the last line of defense in the war of being delusional is doing the Spotify stalk of your crush. Okay, Mickey, Producer to the Stars has I'm
not gonna say no, I won't say it. I was gonna say, yeah, you've got an interesting story that you very very borright.
I was because you had you know.
Yeah, I was a little crazy, but I'm fine now. I killed the demons.
See this is what I mean, Like the demons can be killed.
The demons were out and about demons to slay them. You can't get by life being a spectator. You need to be in the trench, Yana to come out of the treasy on and also to not go back in. Because anyone who is listening now acting or smug that they haven't done anything delusional.
Your time is coming.
Think about all the people who didn't have a loose time in their early twenties. They start acting loose in their late twenties, and it goes into their mid thirties, and we're worried for them.
True les, speak for yourself.
Let's go Me and my personalities are worried for them. What day is it? Thursday?
Friday, Friday?
Baby, Oh sweety pies, it's Friday, and thank goodness for that. Today we talk about the best excuse not to go to work and the reason why you ruminate. I think it should provide you with some comfort. But also, we don't tend to oversimplify everything for no reason. It's just because some things can afford to be simplified for the sake of the girlies brains.
And yeah, anyway, happy weekend. Here's the potty Legs and rooms on kit.
If you're someone who is a chronic procrastinator or someone with ADHD, it's what this video told me.
This tool might help you.
I'm very skeptical about tools to help you be better because I think that sometimes our quote unquote bad qualities are stronger than we are, stronger than our will to change. But I'm open to hearing it. I love downloading an app I love a little software.
I'm interested.
So this is a digital tool, an online tool to help you figure out what to do when your brain won't do its job right. It's called Goblin Dot tool, and it breaks down the things you have to do into smaller action items so you can get it done easy, easily.
I'm concerned. Is it a tool or a crutch. I don't know.
Like I think part of what we need to learn how to do is to work with our brains, not create more solutions around bad behavior and bad behavior, but
inopportune behavior. So when you have analysis paralysis, what you do is you type in the task you need to do, maybe you need to clean your room, and then it has this spicy meter, so it's one chili to five chilies, and five CHILIESE means that you want this broken down in the most granular way like baby baby baby steps and one chili is just kind of like a helpful framework, maybe three or four different steps. So let's say I
picked five chilies. It would just you'd press this button and then it'll give you this list, and it might say, okay, first divide your room into four different sections of responsibility. So you might say I've got my clothes. I've got my bed, I've got my vanity, and I've got the hallway in front of my room. And then for each part of the room, it'll say, okay, for your clothes, Separate the clean clothes from the dirty clothes. Put the dirty clothes in the hallway, get it out of the way.
Get the clean clothes, Grab all the tops, put them on hangers, and put them in your wardrobe. When you're done that, grab all your pants. Put all your pants on hangers and put And then that's how granular the list is.
And what you're able to do.
Is check it off as you go, or create some category so you can categorize as you make this list. My biggest concern with this thing is that making the list would be so enjoyable that the work would be even more annoying to do after the fact, Like as you're playing around with your goblin tools and being like, ooh, I could do it this way or this way, or
edit it or take it out. When you actually have to start doing the thing that was meant to help you to do the thing, you don't want to do the thing anymore.
You got your fun out.
It's not something that I would use because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I don't want to be disciplined in a way that requires me to be anything but my myself. So, for example, I recognize that when I recognize that my issue with cleaning is that I don't put things back straight away, and I create these mini piles and I say I'll get to them, and then I don't get to them, and then I
have to do a big clean every week. So what I so off the back of my clothes, my clean clothing in a pile, instead of challenging myself to have a spring clean day every time I'm getting read now and I put on different outfit options. When I'm done, I just put those clothes back on a hanger. Then I pick an option from the pile as opposed to the hangar, and if I don't want to wear it, I'll put on a hanger, put it back. A pile can stay. But I'm working at it small, small, every
time I get dressed. That's a very interesting that just works better for me, not this whole like spring cleaning someday.
Whatever you know.
Like dishes, for example, I know that I could hand wash every dish after I use it. I don't want to get my hands.
Work like that.
I mean, you got beautiful nails, sta, you know what I'm saying.
So it's like, okay, well, I know that I can rinse them straight away, leave them stacked in the dishwash until I have a load. Then I'm dont have like food scents everywhere, and then it's getting done well.
This weekend, guys, I've put it in my calendar. I'm going to clear out my whole wardrobe and just go with the big job. I got a lot of clothes, Okay.
If he's looking at you, if you're looking at you, it's like, what about me, get some clothes to me.
I gonna give you gif. I'm putting them all into a separate wardrobe and sticking with the essentials and the basics. I'm also going to clean out my entire kitchen.
When you say clean out, like donate or organize, orgize, organize okay, sorry, wipe wipe the cupboards, sorry, babe, I mean there might be one or two.
I just yeah, I'm a bit stingy when it comes to ye. Yeah, you can always borrow something. We can do a little round Robert.
Not the consolation prize borrow anyway. Goblin dot tools is the tool. Please try and let us know if it's actually been helpful. I don't mean try it for a day or two. Really integrate it into your routine. Come back to us at flex and frooms on Instagram. Let us know if it was good for you and if it was, you know, let the creators know and.
If if not, if you want to save your data, just a classic notebook course roll away, don't book, a bit of thinking, and a really lovely gel pen. It's flexing frooms on Kita. Today we have a very exciting am id aushole. It involves ghosting a best friend right off the dome before we get into it, would you go to the best friend?
Yes?
No?
Yeah?
Cool? All right, here's a scenario with people. This is a real one anonymous from a listener. It's long soul. Try and get it done well. Today I block my friend of eight years without warning on her birthday. Let me set the same for you. I moved away from our hometown a little every year ago, and in that year, our communication and overall relationship is taken a nose. I've she's a FaceTime girly and I'm a texting girly. There's a problem.
You think that's the problem.
Yep, she, let's call this. Stacy is very open to people about her bad communication skills when it comes to maintaining friendships. I've always given her grace because I believe that's as an adult, you don't always see you or hear from friends, and that's okay, yea, as long as there's some effort to keep up every once in a while. I know people have lives outside our friendship, and I
try not to take it personally. But when I don't hear from someone for a while, and I don't take it personally when I don't hear from someone in a while, life happens. But considering our only way to keep up was through text to calls, I figured we'd each make some sort of compromise. She'd call me at random, usually when I was not available. Yeah, I'd always send a follow up text saying I'm busy and asking how they were doing, and try and call back another time that
fits both our schedules. I would get no reply, also, no replies reactions to anything I'd sent on socials, even though they'd be active on their stories. Repeat cycle. I visited our hometown earlier in the year, excited to see Stacy a reunion over the last year and a half. His disappointing vibes are off, and Stacy last me to bring someone with them to a planned group outing. She sends the whole night with her plus one without much
interaction with anyone else, including me. I leave hometown feeling like a friendship is not as it once was. Yeah, long story short. I find out Stacy is living and dating a next situationship of mine delanded poorly. This came out of nowhere. Whoa Also a week Statia tells me that this guy, let's call him Duke, wants to state Stacy for contact. Stacy just got to have a long term relationship with Duke's ex best friend. Babes is double jeopardy.
Stacy has told me countless times that I'm their best friend, the person that seemed to genuinely care about them, and when I was moving away, they acted very sad about my leaving. If this means yeah, if this was not
someone literally I literally befriended. If this was not someone I literally befriended as a teen and with someone I met at this stage of life, I don't think there'd be someone I keep around also my conflict avoidant person, and they can be overly emotional, So telling them my feelings about that felt too exhausting, and my the asshole is goes to your friend? Ever excuse me? Or should I've just been honest with her about my feelings. In my head, I'm protecting my peace. But now I'm not
sure if it was the right thing to do. They's someone I genuinely cared about. Yeah, just someone I began to have less patience for as time has moved on. Look, okay, if I were you earlier. Look, if I were you, I probably wouldn't have blocked, only because I think I would have just matched their energy and kind of let it fizzle because they're probably like, damn dating the X situationship, I'm freaking out, so kind of let them be the ones that have to sit in the awkwardness. Not you.
You're a huge guy, I agree.
I think a lot of advice culture, especially on the Internet, wants everything to feel so finite, and I'm sure that's for the purposes of social media to wrap it up into everyone feels resolved in what's going on. This is what you should do, and if you don't do anything but that, it's not done. In this instance, I, as you know, I am a fan of the slow ghost. I don't think enough people have the communication skills necessary to have a hard conversation and to come out of
it better and healed and forgiven. And in this instance, you know, you have a lot of variables that could determine the dissolution of your relationship. Is it the distance, is it your actual dynamic, is it dating the exes? It could be any of those things. But fundamentally, it sounds like it's not a friend that you really want in your life. You sound quite begrudging about the whole process, and so the block does feel necessary because you wanted
to do so. But I do worry that the block kind of puts you in the position of being the aggressor and not the victim totally, you know, like you don't even get a chance to let them sit with a discomfort of what they've done, because you remove yourself in a way that makes you seem for.
All intents and purposes like the one with the problem.
We'll say, though you went with what your gut said.
Oh, you should always do that motivism if it feels good to it.
We are always looking to create boxes, stereotype, characterized label to then shatter. Then what's it called not regress? What's the opposite transcend? You get that. You're just saying I thought I heard that come through. Yeah, yeah, that was really amazing. Mickey understands. The assignment got me thinking, would you rather be referred to as a lady, a woman or a girl? Flex?
I mean two of them don't sound accurate.
Girl and lady, Yeah, but.
Accurate in the sense I don't know what contact people are using.
Lady.
Really, it kind of sounds like what parents say to little kids when they don't want to aid you, but you're in discussion. So sound example, if I'm standing it in Baker's like getting a cheesy might scroll and a little girl turns around and says, oh my god, she's so pretty. Then the mom might say, oh, that's so kind. Why don't you get out of the lady's way. Now, she's not gonna say get out of get out of the girl's way, get out of the woman's way.
She said, get out of the lady's way.
It's a woman's way.
So Micky said I'd like to be called a matriarch. Yeah, I mean that's a princess or a prince, yeah, or prince or king.
I do king, I do king. So my friend Mickey might producing. Mickey's had a conversation with a friend last week and she was trying to explain to a group of people how, in her mind, lady is a mature woman. Then I got us thinking, do you self identify as a lady, girl, a woman? One of my friends said she never identifies a lady and preferred woman. I know, I'm very happy and preferred to be labeled girl.
I'm a girl, A girl, Yeah, I'm a girl. Maybe it's because I see one of the young Yeah, he.
Has the essence of a girl.
Though Micky's allowed, Micky's you twenty five under twenty five.
Yes, I will say something about lady feels like there's an aesthetic attached to it. And I think that's why people are like, I don't know if I'm a lady, because yeah, I'm not a primrose.
I haven't assented.
Yes, and not wearing a pencil skirt with a matching bou clay blazer.
Or a petty coat, not a PEPSI coat Yes. Personally, I'm deep in my woman era. I was a girl for a little while probably, and you ate you did that so well, Micky, and I say trajectory. As I've said ten times in this episode, I am behavior that it is very tempting to call yourself a girl, but I think it is also important to step into your woman. Growing up, I had a lot of ill around woman because it felt serious.
Are you reading what you've written? Yeah? Okay, great?
And I felt and I liked being infantilized because it felt fun, silly and gave me permission to be a little fairy. I also think it's a weird hangover from the era where saying you were a fem was a dirty word. I love being a woman. I will definitely get into the lady areas when I'm in my well to do going to the theater era sixty plus. It's giving first year feminism, and yet I'm here for it.
You gotta know where you are.
Do I want to be called a woman, a lady, or a girl? None of them like sound quite right? Yeah, there's something about it. I feel like we're missing something like is there another term it's not female? I think there's another term though, but if anything.
Girlli pop, girllypop, Yeah, girllipop, But it would be nice to come to a consensus. Is something that is understood by the widest demographic that doesn't feel so loaded. But we also need to think why does woman feel loaded?
Woman to me feels like mother, Okay, as in it's it's it's an identifier, but a title like when you are deep in your womanhood. You know, like, I don't think i'd call it. Pick me a woman, but that's what they all feel oded. But if I had a preference, I would pick woman.
And lady woman and lady.
You're a lady. I gotta say, I don't think I was a girl.
Man boy and guy maybe that's for next week.
We get man, boy and guy, and I was like, how would I do this for a man? Most men are guys, guy.
And exciting.
It's a man exactly.
We don't have a guy equivalent in ladyland.
Guy sounds like yeah, some guy. Everyone, Yeah, they're awesome. Guy.
Everyone's some guy.
Yeah.
When I when I'm referring to a man, I feel like I'm making making a positive character assessment, like someone who is in their masculine energy and displaying archetypally good qualities like being reliable and structure.
Like that's a man. That's a king, right though.
See I say king when it's positive.
Yeah, but I call you king. Yeah, true, Like I'm not reserving that just for men. But yeah, most most meant to me are some guy boy feels like.
A slur Oh definitely, definitely the crowd nods.
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