On Flex and Firms Flex and Firmes. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Hello Loveline. It will come a time in your life when you need to learn how to reject somebody politely. How do you reject someone that you appreciate, that you care for, that you respect, that you're just not interested in. Be it in a job, in a relationship, in a friendship. We all need to do it. It's an important skill to learn. We had a listener, DMUs Nicky, please play the tape.
Hey, lovely ladies. I've been going on some first dates and I'm in need of a polite, but upfront way to decline a second date. I know that the easy way out is to say I'm really busy at the moment or something like that, but I feel like this can have the effect of blurring the lines. I know that I appreciate and often need someone to be honest with me in order to not get the wrong idea. So I'd like a way to do that myself.
Right, folks, I'll kick it off with my personal thoughts. I think you need to be very clear because the busy thing. I don't mind that, because I think you have to like judge, is this person like easily offended, they already have a low self esteem. You can usually probably gather out on the first date. If they do,
I'd say spare their feelings. But if there's someone who you think as well, goes on a lot of dates and can maybe copy it, I would say, hey, no, what guys, I don't know, like because we always say FLEXI is it better to be honest and hurt someone's feelings or just spare them? Like? Do people actually care for honesty? What is a good way? Mikita be like, oh, I'm just not interested.
I think it's good to be upfront, but I can't say I've ever done it. Yeah, so I think that's my Like, I think it would be nice to be like, hey, I really appreciate your time the other night, But I think this isn't really I'm not really interested.
No, no, maybe okay, if I do someone right now, I'd be like it was really Oh it all sounds so pr HR vibes.
Say, because it is PRHR, you're trying to find a way to like contextualize something that's just a vibe, Like you didn't vibe it, that's what it really is. But it doesn't sound fair because for the most part, we say vibes aren't real, and you need to give someone a good reason, and there is no good reason, and all the reasons that are good aren't fair to share in order to tractive as I thought you were. The conversation wasn't bumping like I thought it would. This was
just an ego boost. And I don't actually want to go on a second day. I didn't want to go on the first one, you know what I mean, Like these people aren't necessary and I we have to really interrogate a whole thing of like I want to tell the truth, but I don't want to be mean. You've clocked yourself. You don't want to tell the truth, then,
like you already clocked. So if you don't want to be mean, then spare people, because like Fremi said, it's like it's really hard to bounce back, and you don't know if you're the straw that broke the camel back in this instance, or you're the thing this person needed to hear. But I am I do question how much responsibility we give ourselves in these moments, like do you really need to be the one to tell this person that they're not a good conversationalist, I don't think.
So what about if their breath smelt again?
Like I think in this instance people do other people at disservice where they think they are sparing them. Yeah, and so like you become you become the villain that you're afraid of being by not just taking the l with this small thing, so like you can't really have it all, Like I want to be polite, but I don't want to be mean, but I want to tell
the truth, but I want to have their feelings. But babes, why do you think we've gotten to a point where people are soft ghosting or lying because it's taking the.
L main take the loss? Oh I think me the L train New York or oh okay, Nikki, what do you think of that? Uh?
I actually received a really good rejection text once, But it was like I was, we've been army and iring and planning a date, and like we weren't. We just kept missing each other and I think, like we've been texting for like I reckon like two three weeks and it got to a point and I was just like I need to go on this date or like we're canning this and I was like, hey, like, if you're free this weekend, i'd love to catch up, let me know.
And then I waited. I waited, and he sends to me text and he goes, hey, Mkayla, I've got to be honest with you right now. I've just started seeing my friend and things are going really well and I'm just not in a place to date.
But that's not a rejection text. That's a valid explanation.
Yeah, and I'm honest, but I think I was struck by the honesty. Like I remember just being like this man owes me nothing. But ever since then, like we still follow each other on Instagram, like he likes, like, we're very like, it's cute. We've got a very amicable internet relationship.
Don't you think where that differs from this is in this instance, like she's gonna go through the rigamarole of just going on first dates to suss it out and not really wanted to go on a second for no good reason, Like that's a good reason not to see you again. But the I don't know if a reason. Good reasons are I'm already with someone, or I'm going to see someone, or those feel good, those feels fair and safe. But if you don't have that under the belt, it's like, give me a chance.
Just lie then and say you've got that. That's what I would do. I'd say, oh, sorry, I've actually been seeing someone that's getting like a bit more serious.
No, because you're setting yourself up, because it's like, I feel like, don't lie yourself into a storyline or a narrative, because like now you're not seeing someone else, you don't have someone light up, You too are dried up, and they'll see you on.
But if.
But if it's just like if you really just felt like there wasn't a vibe, just be like, hey, thank you for the day. It was really I had a really good time. But to be honest, I don't know what's going on with me right now. Thought I was ready, don't really feel like I am. Best of luck to you and phrase in a way that you feel is polite, but it takes the onus off you having to like maintain if they happen to see you get in an app oh, I guess she's ready right now. If they
spin back, just don't accept the match again. Okay, that's really nice. Yeah what you just said.
I'll be and paste use damn, because I.
Feel that's what it is a lot of the time too. It's like I thought I was ready for this. I don't think I am, and I don't want to do test and learn with your feelings.
Yeah, damn.
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