I haven't cared.
Talk to me about this hair. Who is flex and it is flex and rooms on catera. One thing about me is I like talking people through their issues, both good and bad. I really take a lot of pride in being the person that people come to speak to when they need a sounding board. It's a very important role. Not everyone can do it well. I do it well. One thing that has become glaringly clear, though, is that I'm not sure if we as a people understand the
difference between overthinking and intentional thinking. And the reason why I say that is because when I look around and I see everybody quote unquote critically thinking and quote unquote getting to the bottom of thoughts, it seems like we just go in these circular motions of like going around the same ideas again and again and again, hoping to
seek clouity that doesn't come. And the reason why I find this thing so interesting is because, as someone who likes to think recreationally, a lot of my best decisions come from impulse. As in, a lot of my best decisions come from, Oh, I wonder what would happen if I do that? And so then I do it, and then it dawned on me that I don't ever think
I've really overthought myself into a good outcome. And by that I mean if I'm sitting here and I'm overthinking myself or overthinking any situation, it's usually a sign to me that at some point in the last minute, hour, day, week, month, I have bypassed what I actually wanted or bypassed the opportunity that was there in front of me. And now I'm trying to rewrite history to feel good about it, to think and think and think and think and think. And if I did it differently, then maybe it would
have been this way. But now I'm here, So what am I gonna do? And la la lah lah? And for me personally, what I like to do, or how I usually sorry for me personally, how I usually live my life on the day to day is I have a situation that don't have a good answer for, like what should I do today? What should I eat today?
And if I go into a consideration point of view and I'm like, Okay, I'm wanna scroll through this app and scroll and scroll and scroll, I'll usually not get to a point of feeling satisfied with the decision I've made. Now I've got to consider, oh, well i've scrolled for too long and the sandwich shops are closing, or well, now i haven't left enough time for deliveries, so I've
got to pick anything. But on the adverse, if I just pick something and I eat it and it's not good, at least I'm not stuck in the anxiety of like, oh, maybe I should have pick something different. It's done.
Is that anxiety or is that just the anxiety of not having picked something?
Yeah, Like people get anxiety from not having picked something, the anxiety of choice. But what if? But what if? But what if? And I don't feel good about that. I want to feel good about the decision before I make it, and like, but how do I feel better? Maybe I'll do this, Maybe I'll do that. And then because anxiety as like the verb not the medical prescription, I don't know if that's a thing. Like you can feel depressive and not have depression really yeah, okay.
Like yeah, because sometimes I'm like I'm depressed, and I'm like, I know I'm not using that, like I'm not depressed your melancholy.
Maybe, yeah, I don't know what you're feeling. So then on the adverse. I think a lot of what I do is I make impulse decisions to get data to make another decision that I maybe use that data to inform. But usually I'm just like, if the sooner I pick the sooner, I know, I can't imagine thinking thinking thinking will give me more information. That's different to researching and
getting more data and broadening up my perspective. But I think most people just circle around the same thing to feel good or to at least give them some sense of control, when realistically, the sooner you do the sooner you know. Anyway, we're don't talk about we're gonna talk about modern pod Well, we're gonna talk We're gonna talk more about it on our podcast. It's flex and Frooms anywhere you get good podcasts. Four point nine stars would
highly recommend more unpacking, more critical thinking there. Part of what gets me as well is that generally when I'm overthinking, I'm trying to one rewrite history or coerce myself into a decision that's spawned from a decision I made that I'm not comfortable with. Can you give me an example, So let's say I am thinking about whether or not I should take a job right. Generally, when a job comes through, I run it through a filter. Do I trust this company? Have I worked with them before? Did
I have a good experience? Did they pay enough? Do I have time? And if it's yes, yes, no, no, no, it's usually quite clear what the answer is. And then there are some instances where I disregard that filter that works quite well in any given scenario, and I want to add a layer of complexity, and I'm like, M, but I'm not sure, because like, maybe the money is good, but I don't really I have time. But if I don't have time, I'm going to be stressed, right, so
I shouldn't take it, But I don't know. Maybe if I take it, there'll be good marketing opportunities. And maybe if there are good marketing opportunities, and I won't matter that I feel burnt out because this is like a really important career milestone. But then do I even want this thing? And suddenly we're getting so far away from
what the point is. Yeah, if it doesn't fit within this rubric of like, doesn't fit within your time, the money's not good, you're not interested, you don't trust the brand. Why are you now trying to coerce yourself into making the right decision based on elements that are not right to begin with.
Okay, I think I understand.
So another secondary thing is like, let's say, what do you need to feel comfortable in an outfit. Let's say you're picking a dress to wear to a friend's wedding. You might get something from your wardrobe. You're like, no, I want to buy something new. So you're like, oh, I want it to be black. I want to feel comfortable in it. I want thick straps so I can wear a good bra. I don't want it to show any lumps or bumps. I want it to be long.
And then your friend's like, I've got the perfect dress from you, and they send you a link and it's printed and it's floral, and it's a mini and it's got long sleeves. But you really like the designer and you've always wanted a piece from them, and it's half priced, so it's a really good deal and you're like, oh damn, Like should I get it? Everything says it's a good idea, and it's like, well, no, it doesn't fit the rubric.
And it's like okay, well, let's think about it some more and you're like, okay, but then I would feel good about it, and maybe this is like no stick with what is known, or make an impulse decision and get it. But the overthinking, I don't think draws you to a better conclusion because usually you know what you need to do, you know the dress is not right, but the overthinking give you the sense of like, no, but I'm considering. And when I say overthinking, I don't
mean intentional thinking. Intentional thinking would be I need a dress and I don't have any I don't have a like I don't have any considerations for what it should be. I don't know if I want to be long or short, or big or small or black or white. I just know I need to dress. Then you get dresses, you're like, Okay, now I'm intentionally thinking, this one makes you feel more comfortable,
this one's a better price. Whatever. The overthinking to me feels like when it's clear or deviating from the most sensical answer, and then you're bringing in this element of confusion for what that's what I'm not trying to understand, Like what for?
I think you made a good point when you were like, there's a difference between seeking out new data verse going over the same thing over and over again, because it's I think, and also I think what you said about decisions that you made and then trying to reason with them by overthinking them. But it's a very addicting behavior. Yeah, very addicting. I was having a conversation with somebody about
this last night. We were driving hello from a friends from being with a friend, and my mate was saying, how like, yeah, they can't help themselves but to ruin And I definitely relate to that, which is difficult because what's the way out of it?
Yeah, not to think now, and I'm not saying that it's a way out of it, but for me personally, I think when for example, moving to Melbourne, right, I didn't think about that. I didn't go over like the details what that would be Like, I'm like, I could do this, so I'm just going to do it, and then by actually doing it, I know how and where it fits. You might say, oh, you could have considered what your work schedule is, like, where you want to be in a year.
Lah.
All these things are variables that I cannot predict, especially in the life. So I have now I don't know what I know today my lease is up in three weeks.
What in Melbourne?
No, when I made the decision my lease is gonna be up in three weeks. Didn't want to be paying all this additional money to live in Sydney. Thought I could move somewhere else, thought I might go overseas. Then I thought, let's let's make the journeys. Who knows, I wasn't thinking let's go to New York. Let's go to New York, and I could live in New York. It's not for me. But I say this to say there's a difference between overthinking as a way often to self soothe,
versus overthinking to make the best decision. I don't think a lot of us are concerned with making the best decision, because generally the information needed to make the best decision is right in front of us. And we're looking left, we're looking right, we're looking behind us, looking up, we're looking down.
This is making a lot of sense in a dating context.
It always does for you.
Well, it's just you know, that's the absolute place for you overthink.
The girls are gett to get and yeah, yeah, yeah, Missy Deally.
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