Flex and Frooms.
Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Earlier in the week, we were speaking about cheating and whether or not cheating is okay.
Also like this guy was trying to normalize it.
Yeah, let's know about that normally cheating.
Yes, I know.
I think a lot of people would have strong feelings about this. And I was on TikTok the other day and came across a talk which we can't play because all my favorite tiktoks, the person isn't speaking, it's simply trending music. And they've written a caption. This one wrote when you're dating a guy and you join the are we Dating the Same Guy? Facebook group? I noticed it, He's on there, and I thought, what is there? Am I dating the same guy? Facebook group? Turns out that
littered across cities all around the world. There are Facebook groups called are we Dating the same Guy? I went ahead and joined one. No yeah, no, which I won't say what I said.
I won't let you talk about this exactly the rules right now.
Exactly, so I'm not going to say what I said what I saw, but essentially the general idea of the group, the way that it was kind of framed, which I appreciate. Is it so I say women come together post photos or things about guys that have potential red flags? Half of them are like, stay away from this man. The other half like has anyone else dated this guy? They're the ones where I'm like, bit of privacy issue there, Like I'd hate to be a guy and my photos on there.
Or just hate to be you in a group? Now?
Yeah, is it that straightforward? Because I don't like the sound of this. We've spoken before about how it'd be cool to give reference checks, but realistically, every time I get asked for one, I feel like I don't know the person in a dating context, so I can't really speak to if they're a good partner, and I don't really feel like it's appropriate for me, a random spectator with a casual affiliation, to decide if this person is a good partner for you or not. However, in these groups,
are we dating the same guy? Isn't the function of dating to be casual anyway? Realistically? So what if you are dating the same guy and then what happens? I understand in the sense of solidarity, Mike, current partner is acting shady, but you did say that you shouldn't bitch about your partner to groups of more than two people, so that wouldn't work. I don't think I like it.
I think it's very juvenile. I don't think it gets any positive response because let's say you post the person you're dating and everyone's like, no, don't know him, don't know. Now you're the insane person who is seeking out this faux sense of solace and camaraderie where you should be learning how to assess people yourself. Also, because let's say, for example, you are reading that the person you're dating has had a few experiences with people where it just
didn't work out. Now you're going to internalize those things and say, oh, well, I've got to rule out this person because Susie from Richard Or is like not into it. I feel like a lot of us make this mistake when we're in the like very infantile stage of dating where we don't want to integrate the person, we don't want them to meet our friends, we don't want to talk about them too much to people for fear that it won't work out or that it might just like prematurely accelerate it.
For whatever reason, I'm doing the opposite person.
I'm on the opposite tip now where I don't want to cocoon or isolate this dynamic because my fear isn't that like, oh, you know, we're gonna get codependent and integrate. No, my fear is that I'm wrong and I'm trying to avoid my friends or my confidence pointing things out to me that will make me feel like I'm not making
the right decision. So let's say I tell you about like this new guy I'm seeing, right, I'm like, oh, like he's really cool, and he invited me to go bouldering, even though I didn't I said I didn't want to go king Melbourne. It's really like it's really awesome because like he wants to hang out and you're like, oh, you don't like bouldering and you said that, I'm like no, but like he wants to like hang out with me
and do things that he enjoys. And you're like, yeah, but you don't enjoy that, and I'm like.
No, but like it's cool.
And you know, these are the kind of interactions that you're avoiding because deep down, you know, but you want to maintain the fantasy. So I used to be that person's like, it's gonna be a secret. I used to fully date people and become girlfriend and then introduce a friend three months later.
What were you hiding, babe, babe, babe.
My two first boyfriends met, like two of my friends.
Yeah, it's not good.
It's our avoidant it's control. We're similar.
It's the fearful avoidant vibe. We like, don't ruin the fantasy.
But I'll become besties with all their friends. Oh, everyone's getting the girls experience.
I am there.
I'm howked.
They're like this one's a real one.
Yeah, I really like that. Now let's meet yours. Busy busy girls. Yeah, busy girls never forget.
Okay, I'm pretty sure I've told this on the podcast. I'll tell it again. Christmas two thousand and twelve.
Oh first boyfriend.
Yep, I spend the Christmas lunch at my parents' house. My parents have Christmas. He comes to pick me up in the land Rover. Oh, oh vintage land Rover. Oh family money like that one. I wasn't like integrating families or whatever I say to my extended family, Like they all know that I'm going to go and like see my boyfriend I'm the youngest in the family, right, and like, my family's kind of weird about introducing partners, like all my cousins and my sister and stuff. It's kind of awkward.
And he rocks up. They all know he's rocked up. I'm like okay by everyone, and I kind of get out so that he doesn't have to come in. I walk up a really long, like steep driveway.
New money. The rest of us park on the curb. But all good. It's part of the story, I promise.
I like, get out of the backyard, walk out the driveway like it's a fair walk, poor concrete with little pebbles in the landscape gardens.
Guy, yeah up crazy.
And I get to the car. I open the door. I turn around. Why do I like, Oh, elderly family like median age is sixty trying to run.
Up to drive away.
Like I see them all jogging to see my boy was one of the worst moments.
That was crazy instant regret.
That was like a getaway car situation. Yeah, you're an elderly relative scampering the czy park in trying to get a morsel someone. The cane's falling.
But you know, hindsight is twenty twenty. We love retrospect, but if you ever feel like you need to hide aspects of your relationship, I'm not saying broadcast every aspect, but going out of your way to hide or conceal or make it increasingly difficult for people that you see on a regular and speak to an a regular to know anything.
It's a red.
Flag my new booze. Yeah, I'm telling one of three people about you.
It's two. It's you and Sally. I guess it's Mikayla and Jordan today.
Actually, okay, Flex, we have become best jouns and guys. Guess what we're hanging out on the weekend.
Yeah, you climb the ladder, bab, you climb the ladder. I have proven up in the ranks, and.
You know why because I taught you something new.
You did You're always teaching me new stuff.
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