The flexen Rooms Daily Podcast.
Hello, sweet Angels and little tiny gremlins living under a bridge. This is the Flexing Froom's podcast. When I say little gremlins hanging out under the bridge, can I just tell you who I see down there? Brook, our producer, oh farting, burping, eating liquids because she has a saw.
Hummy Brook can't get a break, not on this podcast.
You are bridge adjacent.
Okay, you're on top of the bridge making deals, but your pure self is under the bridge like a gremlin, split split gremlin personality.
That's the other one. Sweety pie, sweet Angel.
Sweety pie, sweet angels, gremlins, goblins.
I'm a sweety pie angel. I don't need to explain why with.
A goblin cusp for sure. Grinch rising.
Anyway, this is extremely irrelevant because it's completely relevant.
I don't think people would recognize the greens rising in you. They don't know you're a hater, babe, really no, don't know.
Well, this is why we have the sement called life of a Karen, trying to just put it into the open. So when a big public blow up comes out and I'm shown as a gremlin, it's like I told you the whole way along.
Anyway, we've got citations.
Today we are talking about a method that you can use to become less judgmental of people. It's a two word method, so it's quite applicable to your life straight away.
Three as do I.
I won't give it away. I won't give it away. Let's just get into it.
You're inflexing rooms, flex and frooms.
The other day we were talking about ix erks and red flags. These are terms that have come to prominence, i'd say in the last three years.
Definitely. I think we've had a lot.
Of time inside and I think we're getting to the point people, especially at our age, they have clocked the apps. They was on the final level of the apps, and if they're still single, they're freaking out a little bit, and they're trying to code what it's like when people don't really hit. No longer to someone just not hit because they're not the person for you. They don't hit because they're irking you. Yes, they're eching you. Yeah, they're giving you the IK the young or a red flag.
Something about them is wrong because you can't face the fact that something about you is wrong. Oh, I love you have had some feelings today, I came ready to fight. So what I've done is I've gone onto the Internet and tried to find a definitive definition for each of these terms.
Because we need it at this point. I think we people society have been talking in circles about what should be quite a simple topic to understand, and I think using like this ambiguous language is making it sound more complicated than it needs to.
I have gone onto Merriam Webster. Okay, And for erk is a word that's been around prior to dating. Yes, whereas eke and red flag have kind of been co opted by the dating movement, but this one has always been around.
The dating agenda.
Erk definition of erk to make wary, irritated, or bored. And then erk as a noun.
That's all a lot wherey, irritated or bored. Those are three very distinct feelings.
Yeah, true, where he is you're getting torn down, you're getting chipped away, irritated is it's like itchy, like you're getting angry, and bored is general malays empathetic. Yeah, and then that's as a verb and then as a noun, which I honestly don't know the difference. You lost to me it annoys me because I'm a writer. I've never understood it. Yeah, I don't know how to where to put commas anyway, I'm just getting treated you.
I can talk a lot in one sentence. I don't need a comma.
Bab Erk as a noun, is the fact of being annoying or a source of annoyance?
I get it, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Then what is the ick?
This is uni s q e U dot au, so it's some sort of university.
It's not in the in the dition, but official.
The ick much discussed on TikTok and Instagram. Mainely, is there attraction to a current or potential partner suddenly flipped and as feeling of disgust. Then I went to Urban Dictionary to back it up its references. You could be on the Chirpsy with a guy or girl. Everything seems to be going fine on the chirpsy Chirpsy. I don't know that I like that, Oh like chatting? Yeah, yeah, that's cool. You think you like them, but then you suddenly catch the eck. From then on you just can't
look at the person in the same way. You just progressively get more and more turned off. By them weirdly and maybe for no reason in particular grossed out by them.
You'll cringe at the.
Thought of you and them together. Nothing will be the same, you won't be able to do any longer, and eventually you'll have to.
Cut it off. Yeah, that seems realistic.
The ick is interesting to me. When you can't quite put your finger on it, it means a subconscious nose.
The ick is trusting your most honest response to something, even if it's juvenile, unfounded, it's there. And the further you get away from the eck is when you try and like conceptualize what cannot be explained.
Then red flag, the definition on the Dictionary Oxford Languages is a red flag is the symbol of the Socialist revolution.
Okay, red flag is used as a warning of danger, which feels a.
Bit oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
And then red flag as a transistive verb is to identify or draw attention to a problem or an issue to be dealt with. And then they actually have a definition the Merriam Webster relating to dating, they say, we met, we got along great, and I Spike Lee told her, not only do I want to work with the actors, but I want you to look at this script. I'm a man, and I know there's going to be stuff in there that's strictly from a male viewpoint. I want
to red flag that stuff. I want you to red flag that stuff.
Okay, So what we can understand is that not all x are red.
Flags, and not all erks are ix and ix erks.
But most red flags can also be ix as well. I don't agree with that. I think red flags and nicks are completely different.
There's no overlap, no wow, because to me, a red flag is something that is rooted in morals and logic.
Yeah. Can I give you an example? Yeah? Please?
Okay, they smell all the time. They don't wear deodorant. I think the vast majority of people would find that gross and not acceptable to smell.
So what is that for you? That's a red flag?
Oh, it's a red flag.
Whereas an equality, they use a deodorant that I don't like. Do you have one that you don't like, natural diodor. We've spoken about this at length. Actually, rather just smell your pits and natural deodorant.
Anyway, Flex and frooms.
FLEXI, how are you feeling feeling good? Feeling great? I am trying to suppress a coughing fit so badly. I really don't want to do it. It's like, you know, it's tickling the tonsils.
It's there, it's waiting ill.
I have some bad news though, and I hate to start on a somber note, but I want to know if you knew about this. Iceland hates Justin Bieber. What broad stokes. I want to say that's maybe like an over exaggeration, but I don't think it is. So basically, Justin Bieber has this track called I'll Show You. I'm not sure if you know it, but it's a very like Ballady end of high school musical triumph scene.
What year did he release it? I want to say like twenty eighteen.
Okay, yeah, recent enough, very triumph fent type of vibe. But he filmed that music video in Iceland in this really beautiful remote location. Imagine like a lot of canyons, moss waterfalls, think like tropical vibes, but wintery cool, very beautiful and very lush. But the thing about this location, it was quite a deep cut. It wasn't your grand canyon, you know, it wasn't your your what's the other one? Give me another one Niagara Falls exactly.
It was one of those.
It was a deep cut because it was meant to be, you know, kept safe. So basically he films his video clip there and he's like swimming in the waterfalls and he's enjoying the nature, and he's like walking on the moss and essentially like I wouldn't say, ruining the environment, but not treating it nice and not really giving viewers the proper understanding of how sacred that land was. So naturally everyone's like, I want to go there. That seems amazing.
So it was in twenty twenty nineteen, two point three million tourists visited at that location, as opposed to six hundred thousand a couple of years beforehand, so just too many, which led to not only the degradation of that land area, but the closure of it. Now nobody can go and visit it anymore because too much damage happened. And you know when they say, like one bad apple spoils the rest,
it was kind of like that scenario. We can't totally blame Justin Bieber, but if someone needs to be responsible, it would be him in this instance.
And it's the fact.
That maybe because there wasn't a duty of care with how he was using or interacting with the environment. That gave everyone else the impression that it was a free for all and now no one can use it.
The believers were following suit. It's such a bleating though.
Imagine a whole country being like it's done.
It's well. It seems that.
They're taking quite a bit of initiative, which I appreciate their setting some boundaries. Maybe yeah, one day, give it ten years and they'll open it up again, hopefully videos. Hopefully by then, our attention span has been circumcised, so hardly circumcised.
Yeah, that's a word circumcised in this context.
You can be used in any context if you believe in yourself. Hopevery by then no reason to be watching the video clip because it goes so too long and therefore nobody comes and.
It's a circle of vibe.
I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, genius.
This is flex and frooms. I listened to music on Spotify.
Originally I was an Apple user, back in the days where there was iPods.
Okay, yeah, of course, and back when you would like.
Sync your iPhone to your computer, when iCloud didn't we didn't have a choice. Yeah, and it worked, Okay, it was fine. Obviously I made the jump to Spotify. I like the Spotify branding. I have a friend that works for Spotify. It's a general good vibe. Yeah, I'm on it all the time when I'm playing on my computer. I'm on my computer for most of the day. That's my job, and I'll always be listening to something at the moment.
What am I listening to?
A lot of Our Silverchair and Daniel Jones, which is the most random thing on earth.
Who like, It's not me.
It's teenage, angsty, nineties music, all the things that I find quite revolting.
But I would say that New Daniel John's does have like an R and B song or two.
So it's got a song or two of everything.
It's got ballads, it's got I saw it. One of the songs described as like the start of a thriller, ooh, thriller movie. It's called Reclaim Your Heart. I highly recommend. Anyway, I'm on Spotify and I have two people who I have in the little sidebar that's like what they're listening to right now? Do you ever use that function?
Not once ever? So these two people that I have. They're not my best friends.
It's an old house housemaid of mine and a friend's boyfriend. So random. So my housemates, I'm constantly looking just when.
Did they last? Little think what are they doing?
My friend's boyfriend lives in New York, so I'm always wondering, oh, when did he last listen to that?
And I think, Oh, what's what's he thinking about right now? Wow? How's he feeling right now?
What time in the day do you have for this?
Oh?
It's like a split a split thought, just split thought.
Yeah.
And then my old housemate is a like director and producer, so I check what she's She loves a bit of R and B. But if she's like, I know, she's working really hard when she's got the low fire Beats style playlists popping, and it just to me, I feel like I'm invading their privacy.
Because they probably don't know that, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I'm worried that I've like inadvertently got it on and people are like, what the fugees this chick listening to?
Would you? So you don't have that on?
The only people that I have it on for is when I used to download music from SoundCloud for DJ sets. Usually they would make you tick a bunch of these permissions, like all in exchange with getting this song for free, you agree to follow us on Facebook, follow us on Spotify, follow us on this And so I have a lot of those people in the side tap, but nobody I know that's cool.
Are they hard and fast rules or just you ought to do this?
If you, I think it's like a it's an optional option, but the way they phrase it, you think it's mandatory.
Smart.
And I was thinking to our producer Brook about this, and she spoke to her friend and he sent us a voice note about his experience with listening to Let's take a listen.
Hey, Flexen Frooms. I was just thinking about Spotify and one of my mates he has his Spotify list so you can see what songs he's listening to, and generally he listens to kind of energetic, upbeat music, and I noticed that his taste had changed into a lot more saddow style of music. So I reached out to him and I was like, hey, man, how's everything going. Is
everything all right? And it turned out he was going through a bit of a tough time and I was able to kind of figure that out, just because I knew him really well and I knew his music taste
had kind of changed, so that was really interesting. So I tried it a few more times, and there was kind of like a fifty fifty success rate because sometimes some people would just suddenly start liking Bonivu and that's cool too, but sometimes they would be going through a tough time, so I was able to kind of kind of, I don't know, help them a little bit, I think maybe. But other times they were just listening to Sadow music for no particular reason other than they kind of liked it.
I love that. It's like a mental health check, but lyrical.
See I'm the opposite. Oh, I'm like, you're being presumptuous. Are you sticking your neck in something about like because my song of choice is oh, my listening of choice at home will either be like sad music just because I find it. To me, it can feel more neutral than an upbeat song, like sometimes really high upbeat songs like Noise to me, where I'm like I just need
to vibe. But if for some reason, someone that I wasn't that close with who just had access to my listening was like, hey, just checking in, like go away or is this stop leave me alone?
I think if you have the feature on on purpose, it's like a cry for help.
Yeah, but we didn't even know it, Like, we didn't even know how we got access to these things.
Well, you may as well ask.
It's better to ask if you're worried about somebody's mental health and just let us.
Of course, definitely better to ask. But as he said, fifty percent success, right, you're making me mentally unwell by checking in.
Yeah, you're It's a self fulfilling prophecy to your silverchair.
Don't want to rush you off this topic, but I do want to tell you about my favorite Spotify feature. It's a new one. It's called Enhance. And so what you do is you go into your like songs, you click in hands and what it'll do, it'll serve you new music in and between your current music that matches the genre.
Whoa, because if.
You're like me, I don't get out of my liked music. I just listen to the same songs on repeat, and then every now and then when I'm adding a new song, that'll be a bit of flavor. So let's say I have, for example, a Drake song followed by a fall Out Boys song, and it'll insert a new song in between that is a merge of those genres.
What would that be, pink Panthers? I think it would be Juice World. Oh okay, Juice World. Cool. Yeah.
For me, my music taste is eclectic. The thing that binds all of the songs that I like together is the.
Melody and the bridge. I love a bridge. I live for the bridge.
I'm just kind of like a running up a hill, just getting through the whole start of the song. Then you saw with the bridge, and then you fall down to earth and you're got to think, what am I listen to next?
I love that this is flex and frooms.
Whenever I see a interesting TikTok my first point of call. We're usually sharing it on Instagram, but I find that it starts a whole kettle of conversation. I don't want to facilitate, you know as the back and the fourth and like no, no, no, no, I don't want to do it. And so now this is my new outlet because it's just us and we can like shut it down really quickly and move on. So I came across this video called how to become less critical of others, which very
interested by because I think it's really avoidable. We're in a society that's in to have opinions about a lot of stuff, and with opinions comes critique often, bro.
That's my struggle of taking this job, having.
To have thoughts, yeah, and having to know what you think about stuff.
It's very complicated. I used to say that I wouldn't.
I didn't have a lot of thoughts before working in media because it wasn't a priority. This is a vibe now I can't find thoughts every day. Listen to this video.
I'm going to teach you how to become less critical and judgmental of others.
No, no, no, you do want to. You think you don't want to, You do want to?
Okay, So I learned this on a podcast episode. Basically, when you get a critical, judgmental thought.
Of someone, you say just like me. So you're like, oh, they're so.
Annoying, and then you say just like me.
And this removes our positional thinking because often we are most treated by something that we do recognize in ourselves. Of course, I'm not talking about bigotry or anything like that, but I am talking about Let's say someone is always complaining and you're like, oh, this person's always.
Complaining, what are you doing this? What are you doing.
Just like me?
You know what I mean?
If you learn to see how you are actually similar to other beings, I think that removes the idea, the notion that you.
Live in conflict with others.
That is the ego. The ego is always looking to assert its dominance over other human beings, and so in order to live and live in kindness with others, you use just like me to remove the criticism. And if you were on the other end of that criticism, you would want someone to understand and to empathize with the fact that you're just a human being and you are flawed.
Did that hit just like me? Yeah? Very simple?
Right?
Oh yeah, who is that person? This person's name is?
I understood, I understood. It's like a punt aya and da stood.
Cool.
I love that it really resonated straight away, because I remember, I would say, maybe two years ago now, somewhere during COVID came across this video that said that the easiest way to resolve conflict is to expect that fifty percent of it is your fault at.
Any given time, that was revolutionary.
So you know, when you're like that person so annoying, they never do this, never do that. It's okay, cool now which bit is your fault? So you can cop that and at least half of that stress is alleviated off you. And it really does work because it makes you a problem solve or ale and a troubleshooter as well to be like, Okay, if this conflict isn't completely avoidable, which part can I take ownership for? And then at least in that vein, I feel comfortable with it. What do you think about that?
For me? So things that annoying me, I'm going to try and think of things that annoy me straight off the bat, just regardless of whether or not I think I do them. Not cleaning up the bench after I eat something, just like me, I get what that is trying to do, because I definitely agree that the things that you find the most annoying things that you do.
For example, for the longest time, my sister and I were butting heads forever, since we were three years old, fighting, fighting, fighting, and it wasn't until I think, like something that I went through for the last year is becoming more accepting of people because I've started accepting myself.
So for many years I didn't accept myself. But I didn't. I couldn't figure out.
Why that was because in my mind, I thought I was amazing, like I have this enormous ego. I think I'm doing things perfectly and correctly, but actually was being very hard on myself. And therefore that's why I was hard on my sister, for example, because she would do things that I thought were like lazy, or she wasn't doing this, she wasn't doing that, she was messy, so
I thought, oh, I couldn't relate to her. And it's probably because a big part of me was like that nature wise, like I'm actually born to be sort of like a careless, carefree social person. But I'd shut that part of me off, and I think because I was not allowing that part of myself, anyone else that was
doing it would really piss me off. So now that I see parts of myself that I saw in my sister, it's given me a complete one eighty because I'm like, how was I so critical of her this whole time when I'm probably even a worse version of the things that she does, And that's not annoying, like, for example, her voice would annoy me. And then I can.
You play a voice just like you that's exactly like.
The way that you speak, your cadence, your phrases, Like you.
Could play that voice saying that must have been wild.
So it's it's a very revolutionary thing to do to be able to see something that someone does it's very annoying. It's very hard to accept that you do annoying things too. I find that that's like the last fun frontier of evolution.
Yeah, for sure, it's a tricky thing. I had a similar experience, and it's awsome you were able to come to that conclusion. That's like self awareness on on one foul.
Very very very very.
The thing about self awareness that I feel sometimes isn't spoken about is that it completely shifts your idea and you can get a lot of guilt, Yeah, and self awareness because you think back to things and you get embarrassed that you didn't do it like that always but part of the journey.
Yeah, I like that though. I've been finding that I'm obviously I was like a nonfiction self development girly, but I found a lot of it to be quite conceptual and im practical for day to day to day to day, but I want to know how to be a better
person for real life, not for academic conversation. And so similarly, I used to have this thing where I used to get really frustrated at people who wouldn't assert themselves and speak up for themselves when I used to come to find out, I hate that I have to do that for myself. I hate that I can't just exist without having to have my backup or like speak on behalf
of myself on behalf of other people. And so I would resent people who just like walk around in the world without a care, no judgment with and nobody would have have any expectations on them, or who could easily take like the damsel route in conflict, or who could cry their way out of something, or who people would perceive to be like soft and needing of care and comfort as opposed to being like, oh, she's got it,
like she'll handle it. So then I started projecting me like, well, everybody else has to handle it, because if I got to handle it, you got to handle it. We can't both be not handling it and we can't both handle it.
And you think it's unfair that you have so unfair how you are with how are you with that? Now?
I think it's like an over correction because part of me then goes into like extra sympathizing and I'm like, well, not everyone can handle it, and everyone can be a frontline warrior babe, like it's a gift that you can do that. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no no, that's like that's the overcorrection again. So I battle between it because I think that balance is necessary, and I
don't do really well at balance. So I try and find the balance between letting people know that I can be frontline warrior, but also so letting people deal with their own shit on their own and have no expectation that I will be there to help them, because I also was finding that I was doing a lot of helping in a way that was hurting me and not receiving like the care I needed once I had helped someone, you know what I'm saying. So if someone's like, oh, can you defend my honor?
Whatever?
That might be like, hey, flexis person's done something really racist, can you xyz? So then I'll go fight this battle for this person. They'll feel really empowered. Now I'm getting abuse. Yeah, facts, like what is the balance?
It is very hard though, when you are a strong person that makes a point of doing things their own, Like I think sometimes people look at you and think, she's like a woman so inspirational doing her own thing, when you're just actually being yourself, and when that kind of image is projected onto you, then it is very hard for people to feel like they can help you. I think as well, because you are happy to kind of point things.
Out that people do.
Maybe like people worry to help you because they're worried about doing the wrong thing.
Of course, it goes both ways. That's that's the balance though. It's like everything and the fifty of all the conflict is yours, Like what do you do? What behaviors have you expressed that would contribute to this thing that is frustrating you so much? I'm like, oh I did this. I'm an alchemist baby, Yeah.
I like that term.
It reminds me of which making a potion that has some not anthetamines parased moolgon alchymists also and the potions of different colors and seeing purple, I saw.
Green but same bye, Like, yeah, we gotta talk about the green and purple paradox as well.
Anyway, we'll talk about it in another podcast. You're listening to Flex and Frooms on Ka. So, for me is a big fan of be Real.
It's a new social media app that is meant to kind of be the antidote to current social media platforms. If what we have now is curated, maybe a bit superficial, exclusive, be real is meant to be inclusive, if you know, honest, candid, light, fun for everyone.
Right.
I get that in theory makes heaps of sense to me. In practice, though, I honestly think that be Real is just doing what every other social media was claiming to do when Instagram came out. Right, Instagram did not say where a curated platform. You know that it is meant to be sophisticated and refined and beautiful. It was meant to be a place to share images with your friends and family about what you're doing. It was meant to be honest, it was meant to be candid, similarly to TikTok.
What we love about it, or loved is that it was a place where we saw real people doing real things, and naturally, as places evolve on the Internet, people develop their own system of success for how to use that platform, and then it gets competitive. I would say the one thing I've noticed with people who use be reals, They're constantly saying, I hope I'm somewhere cool and the notification comes so I can do my be real. Like, do
you not see what's happening here? You are taking the same behaviors and the same attitudes that you use for every other social media platform, and you're bringing it into this space just so in a year's time you can say, well, this app is toxic and I don't feel like I can be myself here and I feel like it's an honest representation, And like, do you think be Real's dead?
Now?
Do you think everyone's doing this and that it's the same thing. Like the fact of the matter is, it's not ever just the app's fault. We are the some of what the app turns into because the apps don't come with rules, they come with guidelines, and then we decide how we're going to use them, and then we make them an insufferable place.
I think the issue is always going to arise since the moment that we started to consider how people see us and be able to put statistics to that. So I think despite the fact that a lot of people say, oh, social media makes us too aware of how we're perceived, it like heightens the idea that we're thinking about how people perceive us. I think we always have done that. It's like keeping up with the Jones of Style South.
We're always worried about how people see us, and I think there's like a biological reason for that, sure the pack.
And because we know how social media works, we understand that intrinsically, like we're meant to publish and receive feedback on what we publish, and whether that's in the form of something quantitative that you can measure like a like a share, a comment, or qualitative like the way you
feel after you post. There's always going to be an expectation of some kind of return on investment in some way that stops it from being really quote unquote genuine or honest, like in the sense or if I'm at home and I'm going to like journal how I feel. That's my way of documenting to myself what I'm going through. Because nobody can see it, I'm going to be a bit reckless with it. I might not type in full sentences. I might not write a cohesive thought because only I'm
gonna see this, It doesn't really matter. But as soon as we know there's an audience, we start to you know, look a bit cute, I stand a bit straighter, be mindful of where it's going.
I'm doing this. I'm sticking my neck out and doing a little piece.
Yeah, it's all something.
So I'm just waiting.
I think I will continue to give it a go because I like social media. I like the Internet. I like the communities that it creates. But I'm putting this on record so we can look back on it in a couple of months time to be like how did it start and what is it devolved into or like, you know, progressed into.
I'm very interested about how this app is going to make money. I feel like most endeavors want to make money. And imagine, like if I was a tech someon who created tech that became really popular, I'd be kicking myself if I didn't already put ads in it from.
The first place, hundred percent, Like when are we going to get ads on? Be real?
But you know what they say, if it's for free, you are the product that.
Changed my life. I want to talk more about be Real maybe later in the week. Sure, I want to talk about like who you actually accept on your burrial, because I think that's red hot.
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