Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Flex and Frooms on cater little PSA for myself, but I like to take self directed messages and externalize them for the benefit of everybody else. It's not advice, it's feedback on what I'm going through that might help. This
is a PSA from me to you stop being nonchalant. Well, I've come to this conclusion on a random day based on the fact that I think I talked to seven different friends specifically in a span of a week who all expressed going through something difficult, a hardship of sorts not related in any way, but the root of most of it, or not the cause of the hardship, but the cause of their current discomfort was the fact that they had an issue and didn't say it. They had
a preference and didn't express it. They needed a boundary honored but didn't share said boundary. And like, I like to be a list when people are venting or whatever. But it was odd that every single issue these people are having, in very different issues, was coming back to the fact that you pretended to be nonchalant where you were chalant. And I did google n Chalant isn't a word, but we will use it for the sake of this
break to make sure we're on the same page. To be nonchalant is the feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed or not displaying any anxiety or enthusiasm or interest. So feigning this kind of like, oh, it's whatever, trind apathetic, shrugs, goff, it's all good, when really it's not all good. And I feel like it's a trap for various reasons. When you give the impression that you don't care, you lie to yourself and then you have to deal with alone, mind you, the blowback of lying to yourself.
Yep.
So now you're annoyed, maybe a bit guilty, You feel ashamed, and now you can't express that to the person that you made feel like you were cool. And so now you're holding double demons, not the double demons, double demons. And the longer time goes by, you have to maintain this illusion that you are still what nonchalant?
How do we fix this?
So here's the thing, And thank you to my therapist at the time for letting me in on anxiety.
Because I've done a lot babes that man changed my life.
I was so just not really sympathetic to anxiety, just because the way that everybody experiences.
It is different. Right. You have some people who just.
Have like social anxiety, a generalized anxiety, the undercurrent that is there constantly, but then they're a charismatic person.
So see, I feel like it's not there at all.
And so when I started to understand, obviously post my first panic attack, that'll do it to you, that'll do it to you, I was like, Oh, why do we normalize this so much? Not in the sense that we should make people feel different for experiencing it, but I'm thinking, why does it not come up in conversation way more often? I feel like truggling, you know, I feel like this is something that should be coming up, Like why don't you want to come out to it? I'm feeling anxious?
Oh good, got it? Not like oh like I thought I was gonna but then I finished work late or whatever.
Nah, babe, of what's happening here? And so back to what I was saying before about like the path you commit yourself to when you pretend that you're nonchalant when you're not. It feels like capitalism to me hold on, hold on in the sense that it's like a self regenerating cycle.
You can't get out of it unless you what stop the cycle? And how do you stop the cycle? How do you stop the cycle? Please?
You have to rescind the nonchalant. You have to be like, actually I said I didn't care, but I actually care.
Actually that will fix anxiety.
I don't think it'll fix anxiety. I think it'll fix the anxiety that comes from pretending a nonchalant when you are. For example, well, let's say the nonchalant trap I got into was you and I were meant to go to dinner.
With three other friends. Yeah.
What I didn't say was I don't want to hang out with you and three of your friends.
I just want to hang out with you.
But for fear of seeming like I'm not agreeable, I said, yep or good.
Now I'm at dinner with you. My vibe is off.
You can't tell why your friends like that you don't like us, like, what's up with her vibe? And then I'm here doubling down and saying no, I'm comfortable, now, I'm cool, Now I'm fine, No, it's all good. The next time you invite me, I say not coming. You say why, Like we can change the date, it's all good. You're like, oh no, I can't do it. The next time you invite me out, I can't do it. Now I'm feeling isolated. I'm feeling lonely and feeling like I'm
lying to you about the real reason. You're feeling like there's something off, but you can't really address it because for all intents and purposes, I'm fine and you're fine,
but you know something's off. Realistically, the only way to have avoided that situation to begin with, not the only way, but the main way to say, babes, I just want to you're me girlies, girlies to girlies, GF TWGF, you know, and then you, being an agreeable person, be like, oh, yeah, it's fine, we can do that, and then it would have been done. Cause that's usually how these things work. Generally, when you're dealing with your people who care about you,
it usually is that simple. Not in life, generally, when you're dealing with people who care and who feel responsible for you, it truly is that simple. And honestly, let's say the scenario I just said with the friend dinner did actually happen, and five dinners later, I eventually say, hey, look like I just wanted to hang out with you one on one. It's nothing against your friend. What I've done is created this weird envinement you're kind like, is
it my friends? Why didn't you say it earlier? And now we have to hash out this thing that could have been avoided. I'm not saying that we should avoid all pain and suffering, but I do think a lot of this day to day avoidable nonsense is because we
pretend to care when we don't care. Another one that comes up a lot is like friends coming to me to talk about something that's like bothering them, but they feel like they can't tell me about it because they keep talking about it, Like the friend who keeps talking about the boss they hate, Like, oh now I feel bad because I'm always talking about this, and it's like, you're gonna feel worse if you don't, so just say it. Stop pretending like it's not this thing that's plaguing you.
Don't pretend to be chill about it, or that you've recovered when you have it. Let's just nut it out. Let's just do it. Fourteenth time in the row. I'm ready, let's talk about it.
It's a bit of us, Yeah, and we'll do it every time. I like this, Be mindful of it. You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune Inticator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.