Flex and Frooms.
Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch Up podcast. Welcome back to the partty. It is Flexi's last Day've been twenty four years old. Yeah, your dog feels good.
It's nice to age. I like feeling like I can wrap up a year being like that was interesting. I learned a few things, ready to learn some new stuff. First four months of the year, it's been a bit of a doozy, you know. I feel like, not just me, but I'm observing the girl is going through trials and tribulations, and it's nice that we're getting fresh goss.
Yeah. Too.
Many of the stories circulating between twenty nineteen and twenty twenty two were archival pieces.
That was me.
You're talking about twenty seventeen dating stories. Get out, Get out, talk about the job you had in twenty eighteen. No, babe, give me some fresh starter, and people are delivering. I'm very happy about it.
I'm there with you. Here's the potty Kata data Flex and Frooms. You're listening to Flex and Frooms.
What the frick?
Flexy? I have been getting into my audible reading literature, literature. Before we get into it, can I say I've got an account on this book listening to device, and I can't buy more credits. It's physically impossible to buy more credits. I feel like a boomer. I finally understand what it's like when my parents.
Happening to me.
I'm like, oh my god, Why have I so mean to my parents when they're just trying to figure out how to upload photos to eBay. Anyway, I was at a dinner with my friend the other day, correct, and we were talking about boys stuff. Okay, both heterosexual presenting women.
Are and sexual presenting yes, heterosexual being yes, and heterosexual passing yeah, let's go with that.
Great, for sure, for sure. And we were talking about this guy texting this guy. We both had these situations where we were texting a guy, right, And I.
Was like, happened to the rest of us?
Literally, what the hell? Half the dinner? Like, we're eating this beautiful meal.
And you're not even chewing properly. What do you think you mean? It's like the food's getting cold, You're getting indigestion and.
Not drinking enough water. So I was showing her my messages and she said, can I look at your phone? And I said, okay, grabs my phone out of my hand, deletes the messages. What does she then do? Goes to my contact deletes the guy's number, bold and I really said, and I just looked at her. I shook my head and sorry, I nod on my head and.
I said, yeah, yeah, I needed that.
I needed that. Thank you for not enabling me for once. And then she was like to me, I listened to this book, He's just not that into you. Initially my back was up. I was like, I randomly watched put that movie on Netflix the other day and it was the most heinous crap that I'd seen in a long time, like just so out of touch.
She like, obviously it was written. What's the premise of the movie?
Super like, high powered, really attractive producer woman can't find a guy. And then this other producer comes into the room and is like, he's just not that into you, and like they start arguing and then they fall in love. Okay, Obviously I went and downloaded the book, immediately started listening to it on the way home, desperate and I have come away.
It's good. I like that you went from concept to execution quickly straight away. That's great.
Thank you. I have some extreme learnings to share with you.
I'd love to hear them.
This is how the book came to be. I personally listened to Frum's price. Have been watching Sex and the City for the past two months, from the start to finish. I have ten more minutes left, right, Like.
Are you saving them? Yeah?
In I think season three, there's an episode where Miranda's trying to work out or the girls are trying to work out if this guy's into her, Like she's getting all these mixed messages and she's on this date, right and this guy's not doing what she expects him to do.
He's not asking her out or something, and like he's not asking her to go home, and she's like, I get it, you're just not that into me, Like you could just come out and say it, and she like goes on this ditribe and then he's like I just really need a shit and runs away. Ah. Probably the one scat human moment in Sex and the City that
really resonated with me. And then at some point later in that episode, Miranda is sitting in front of these chicks like she's on her lunch break and he chicks are on the stairs in the city being like, yeah, like he's really busy with work, but he texts me but this that, and Miranda gets up and he's like,
he's just not that into you and walks away. So turns out what that show came about because the chicks who in the writing room of Sex and the City, one of them was talking about this guy that she was texting, and they were all like spitballing, you know, classic work behavior advisory board, literally unpaid labor. And this guy works in walks in who's a producer, and they asked for his opinion, you know, man opinion vibes, and
he goes, he's just not that into you. Eruption option in the writer's room, right, And then that's how that episode started. And from that episode they created this book He's just not that into you. Ah, And then the movie came later, but the book came out in around two thousand and four. Cool, So I download the book knowing exactly what it is. The way that it works
is that they come up with this scenario. They're all not based in real life where it's a woman being like, hey, Greg, I met this guy and he did this, but he did this, we do this? Tell me what I should do. And then Greg who's the producer guy, and this chit called Liz both give their take on the situation. So Greg's were like, yes, Sweedy, let me give rejuce read he's just not that into you. And then Liz will
follow it up. And then they've got like they've interviewed twenty guys, They've surveyed twenty guys, and this voice will be like, don't believe Greg, one hundred percent of the guys that we surveyed, so that if they were really into a chick, they would do X y zed right. It's good read, very, very easy to read. I think
it was three hours. I demolished it in two days, obviously, and what I've learned from it, and I'm open to being wrong, of course, but I don't think I've ever had on Haut gonna text the guy first ever again in my whole life. Okay, good luck.
Here's the thing. I do believe in a lot of cases, he's just not that into you works really well. I think too many women who date men live in delusional land for fun, and they're very impractical about the world we live in. Now. If the best we can do with datings look at it objectively, and I think a lot of women struggle to do that. They bring a lot of their fantasy into the dynamic, and they assume that they're coming from an earnest place and the other
person's coming from a manipulative place. And what I often find is a dynamic where two people who don't know each other, one expects the most, one expects the very least. I hear the same rhetoric when I talk to my friends. If he liked me, he would do that. Maybe he doesn't like you yet because he doesn't know you, and of all the amazing beautiful people that he gets to interact with by virtue of social media or apps, whatever, that is, like made him believe that he has a chance.
You just don't step up. Like You're probably not as pretty as the other girl that he's looked at today, or not as smart, or not as funny, or not as anything. And I don't think that we can recognize that as fact. It's very hard to you know, in your heart, you're like, but I'm a catch. Yeah, but so is a twenty one year old in his DM currently with no previous relationship baggage, no expectation, willing to do whatever whenever because he said, so, you're not a
catch in that context. And I also think that we fall into the trap of like when we show up is when we're ready. And if you think about it on the flip side, like how many times have you like met a guy and you've thought, I want to hang out with him tomorrow, I want to like see him four days in a row. That's a bum? Does he not have a life and friends that are like that take priority of this random person that he meant that he doesn't know. Of course, I don't want to
hang out with someone who would prioritize me immediately. That's weird. It's not rooted in reality. It's not reasonable. I think it's nice to be able to meet someone and there's immediate vibe straight away and you can build on something straight away. But it's not the reality. Everyone's step up
their pussy. Yeah, people are bringing so much more. It's not just like you know, when you're in high school, it's like there's three or four girls who are like gold standard hot and the rest of us are fugglies. And that's okay because you kind of know what you see. Then you grow up and you have a few experiences that affirm the best and worst parts of you, that affirm that, yes, you don't really match up to the rest of what's happening, but the other part makes you
feel like you have access to everything. You sleep with one ten out of ten you're like, this is me, this is me, now, this is what I can get. And yet at a time, absolutely but not generally so. Yes, as a standard, I don't think he's that into you, But I also feel like, for what reason would he be? Right in the same way that I would talk to a bunch of guys, they would be like, I don't think she's that into you, and you for what reason
would I be like? I don't even know you, and I can if I look at you in like in a very objectified way, like of course you're cute or whatever, But what's gonna make me like take a leave of faith and humble mine? And I also think it's very contradictory that we spent all this time being like the dynamics between men and women can be unconventional and whatever, and you fall straight into this gender role of like he should and I should. But then I feel like,
what makes it really terrifying? Is that it's a performed gender role. He should have texted me exactly. So wait that's the case, then just wait but no, but no, you're like, but then if I do this, and he'll do this, and I'll do this and he'll do this. The conflict in the head is conflicting the actions is conflicting the energy. And people get vibes. People hunt. You got a vibe. When you're texting someone, you get a vibe,
and the vibe tells a very clear story. And I don't think we take enough responsibility for the vibe that we're projecting. We go to our friends and we're doing confident confident, Yes, he should, he should. You get into the chat. It's giving like you're cutting off the texts randomly, You're sending weird emojis. The vibe isn't giving sexy.
You stop using emojis because they stop literally just no, I'm on my dumb bitch juice. If I ever start texting a guy and stop using a my ji, you just know I've lost. I will say, if you're a bit skeptical about the book, I would say the main takeaway more is that don't waste your time. I know it's so tempting. Don't waste your time. What's it called deciphering message? Yes, yeah, that is the thing. The thing isn't like wait for him or do this.
No, the thing is don't wait.
The thing is do your own thing.
The thing you don't. Yeah, And there's a lot of power in action, like using your using what's actually happening, like the physical manifestation. Let that determine what is going on, not your fantasy of how things should have gone based on your fantasy.
I also really want to talk on another time the thing that you said, because I've been mulling it over and trying to figure out what you meant you date, who you can not, what you want? Yeah, because I don't get that, but I want to know about it. So maybe next week. Yeah, legit, this is flex and Frooms. The nonsense really doesn't stop in this studio. Unfortunately for my brain. It's a very difficult job, and yet I
do with ease, poise and grace. Flexi Bronti. One of our listeners is sent in a little bit of a dilemma. Oh Ari, her boyfriend. Yet again, we have a straight king queen coming to us.
The verosexual couple yeah, as per seems to be a theme. Yeah, switch it up everyone. Yeah, I haven't had.
Many same sex relationship issues because we don't.
I guess we don't have the breadth to understand. It's a bit hard, but we're happy to give unsolicited feedback if you would like. Always, let's get into it. I have an issue.
My boyfriend lives at home with his parents and he doesn't know how to use the washing machine. And she preverces he's twenty one years old. Okay, okay, there's some leeway.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, I've told him I refuse to sleep at his house while I'm on my period in case of leaks until he knows how to wash his sheets. I have once bled on his bed, to which I had to take home and wash because I didn't want his mum to see it, obviously and clean it.
Yes.
He also made a remark that he would have to burn his mattress toper because it had a little bit of blood, and I said I couldn't take it home as it was too big.
Oh was just a serious conversation, not a gag.
This is real. I also helped him pay for the new mattress topper. Oh. Because I was so embarrassed. Gemsys, you're in deep. Am I in the wrong for not just staying until he can learn how to wash his sheets, which, chiming bear is a pretty basic job, she says.
Honestly, Oh, they do say it's the little things that really are to blame for a relationship breakdown. Who would have thought that? It's just the basic everyday task. That being said, though, and we'll get into it more after the break Washing your clothes is not simple, great like washing machines are complex, washing powder, washing liquid complex, Understanding what's setting complex, But everyone should know how to hand wash. Oh okay?
Is she in the wrong for not staying until he can learn how to wash his sheets, which, to be fair, is a pretty basic job. My initial thoughts. Yeah, I'm willing to dos myself here.
Okay.
I didn't learn how to use in washing machine until I moved out of home. Yeah, same age twenty three.
That was nineteen for me. Yeah, and still though I don't think I'm very good at it.
And this is bad for you. You've got a nice state of the art appliants right there that you could be fudging up with your various powders.
Yeah, I mean I got the state of the art washer. Steady art dryer is very expensive exercise. I thought, let me get the best of the best and not read the manual. Because everything goes in the same cotton cycle. I don't care what it is it's going in. And sometimes I even put the whites with the colors because I like inclusivity, and sometimes things will come out pink, and I say, you know that just is the price
to pay for this luxury. I will say, washing stuff is a very difficult task and we should be really thankful that we were raised people who could do it well. Your issue isn't the washing machine, though, Like you've got to really coach your partner around understanding that having a period isn't as inherently gross as he thinks it is, and it doesn't warrant throwing out a mattress topper. A
period blood stained sheet is not that big of a deal. Okay, it's not sexy, it doesn't like look cute aesthetically, But realistically, I feel like that is the core issue here. It's not the washing stuff, because realistically, if he had a more comfortable relationship with you menstruating, he could be like a mom. Sorry BRONTI stayed over and she'd let a little bit, do you mind putting little a little start start oxy stain on the little and then it's call
to day. Now we're dipping into the savings to get mattress toppers, and I know you can't recycle them easily. I know you can't.
You can't, you can't correct, you can't even recycle pillows. I say, stage are silent, intervention, sis, free, lead, cost nothing, cost nothing, and yeah, until you have to replace his match stopper. But I say, maybe coax him to move out and then he'll have to learn.
We should not force people into moving out, because there are there are very few things worse than someone who's technically moved out to they're an adult by circumstance who do not know how to do the basic tasks, and adulthood is not basic by any means. So at least learn a few things and then leave.
You're listening to flex and frooms.
I've said it before and I say it again. Most jobs are silly, stupid and dumb. Well, but that shouldn't stop you from utilizing the silliness of it all to progress upwards.
Listen to this. If you have a job title that.
Most people don't understand, like studio proprietor what you can do on your resume in parentheses next to it is put a more commonly known job title, so when somebody sees it immediately they know what you do.
Absurd. But it reminds me of the fact that when I developed more than like two or three job titles, it started getting dumb, because then I started thinking, what what can even be a job title? How many times you need to do something to say it's a job? And I noticed that I was having a lot of conversations on the Internet, and I thought to myself, this is a job in some capacity. I do get a paid to share what I think. But what would you call that job title? Know what?
I call it?
Professional opinion. Hover to my bio, to my website, I get introduced as such, and I thought to myself, there's no other title for what I'm doing that you could say like social commentator, boring, lame, terrifying, professional opinion have amazing.
See I don't have a problem with cultural commentator because I think what we do ought to be championed.
Yes, but I think it's it's almost so broad a cultural commentator. Sounds like it's nuanced and it's taking like a wide range of opinions. No, just mine. I'm gonna I'm a professional sharing my own opinion. I don't want to be like sharing the others. I don't really care.
I guess that's a really good point. I will say, tell me anyone who is an account manager in bTB sales, oh, works as startup, works in tech, works for a tech company, works for a company.
I'd say product and project managers as well.
I'm freaking out, guys, what do you do? What do you do? Because I'm out here dating and I'm gonna need to know what bracket we're coming.
Back to dating a lot for the girly, isn't it? Isn't it? Brick?
It's on my head? What's up with you? Is there anything wrong with that? It's what people are here, don't Maybe you're the one that you don't want to talk about your dating.
Actually I don't want to speak about it.
No, I'm not talking about my own experience. I'm talking about just wait, what on hinge? Someone told me on a hinge that there's one too many specific reference. There's one too many account managers. I need to know what you do. Sometimes I can't glass doll certain you know jobs, and I don't want to ask you because it's not going to make sense. So that's why I say. I do like the idea of giving another giving another name, just the I think the appeal of the said job might go away.
Yeah, sometimes things sometimes we should advocate for smoke and mirrors. I like the fantasy of a job tie that doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, me too.
Pick one, choose one, be yourself.
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