On Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Question of the day is therapy speak making us selfish? There was an article that came out on Bustle recently discussing this phenomena in which we've developed this ability to articulate like stuff in complex language. So you know, it's not like, oh, I feel like this person is making me feel like I am making things up.
They gas lit me. Yeah, I need to set a boundary.
Unfortunately, after doing a body skin and checking in with myself, I've come to the conclusion that in order to maintain the health and wealth of my mind, that we need to take some space and consciously a couple. It all becomes too much and we just can't say what we feel, and the way that actually lands in the way that it is intended. We end up trying to use this language to a few situations. We just make them worse
because we sound like robots and it's not sexy. I want to read you a bit of this article because you should go and google it, but I know that you won't, so I've.
Sacked in not you Okay, okay, okay, so you read it.
Yeah, but listen to this first couple of paragraphs. Last summer, Anna twenty four, was dumped by a longtime friend over text while making plans to meet up. The friend pivoted and told Anna she wanted to end their five year friendship. When Anna asked if it was something she did, her friend told her she wasn't comfortable answering and that there
wasn't any room for discussion. And I quote, I'm in a place where I'm trying to honor my needs and act in alignment with what feels right within the scope of my life, and I'm afraid our friendship doesn't seem to fit in that framework. I can no longer hold the emotional space you've wanted me to, and I think the support you need is beyond the scope of what I can offer. We've all sent a message like that in our time, maybe because we were told that it
was the better approach. Don't ghost people, tell them how you feel. When we used to do that, we would go into our iPhone notes app and write this really long winded self referential piece. I feel like this, and you made me feel this, and I don't feel safe, and.
It's the I'm speechless.
Yeah, but but I don't have anything to say to this. However, six paragraphs later and then becomes really scathing. So we've overcorrected from word vomiting with no real consideration for how it's landing to curating such a soulless script that it also doesn't do what it's intended to do. Reminded me of this quote. Oh okay, craty girl, sorry, coat girls back. That's the therapy speaker is making us better at being worse. So we're finding the language to cushion who we are
or what we're saying. So instead of saying that, you know, I'm being a flaky friend, I'm saying I'm holding.
Space for myself.
Oh shut up, instead of saying that I feel insecure. So I'm creating hierarchies in my inter personal relationships so I feel like I'm always on top. I just say I've got avoiding tendencies. You know, what does that even mean?
Rummy? Do you think that therapy speakers making us worse? Yes?
I think it definitely is. Okay, So I was reading this the other day. I can't remember what the term is for the philosophical kind of concept. He wrote nineteen eighty four, George or George it was all Wellian situation where there's this world. I'm pretty sure it's in nineteen eighty four.
It's called double speak.
Michaela's nodding, okay, she's said in philosophy you wanted.
In year twelve. Yeah, belonging in the era stop. So double speak. So you could never say anything negative.
So so you say good, like that's good instead of saying bad, you say that's un good.
Double Speak is a language that deliberately obscures, disguises, distorughts, or reverses the meaning of words. Double Speak may take the form of euphemisms, example, downsizing for layoffs or servicing the target for when you're bombing, in which case it is primarily meant to make the truth sound more palatable.
So's some examples are saying something's a bit shaky instead of it being very poor quality, saying good effort instead of saying that's not right, saying ill advised instead of that's a terrible idea, saying something is not the best driver instead of saying he's a terrible.
Driver, which I think is what is happening with therapy speak. It's like people who use big words when you can just say the simple word, and especially with writing, you start off as a creative writer using oh brave synonym cool, yeah, we all do it.
I'll do it.
Explain it to a five year old vibe. If you can't explain what you're trying to say to a five year old, then do you really understand it like you think you do?
Then add a bit the splice if you want, Oh yeah, I also think it's manipulative. I just find it very like selfish, self indulgent.
But also think about where it started, because we went from just existing as regular people to suddenly people saying you should get therapy as an insult.
So people did.
They went to the internet and googled what can I say or do to make me seem as though I've done quote unquote the work, And there was pressure and this immense consequence of not appearing as someone who's well adjusted. So I feel like it is a bit like mean and pointed to be like, oh it's manipulative, yeah, by design,
because they were manipulated into looking self aware. And now the consequence of that is like you've forced all these people into performative self awareness and they've drunk their own call aid. They learned the speak that we told them to learn. They presented themselves in the way that society
said is the best thing to do. So what's happened is we've all isolated ourselves and been like, you know what, I've read enough headlines to know that if I have a friend who is stressing me out, I just need to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like, I'm currently not in a position to hold space for you currently as supposed to be, Like no, I need to get in the pit with my friends and zipper yeah, or be like hey, I don't know what I'm feeling,
but let's talk it out. It's kind of like, you know, similar but not similar. It's like when everybody decided that like saying like someone's ethnicity is inappropriate, right, So you can't say that someone's Indian, you can't say they're African, you can't even say they're black.
You have to say they're a person of color.
But then what happened is that now you're gripping in all these people with very contradicting experiences and your homogeizing them, and now people are like, well, don't call me a personal color. I am an Asian person. I am, you know, And so that's what ends up happening. It's like you get forced into learning the language to assimilate and be part of a group. What's your alternative to that then
calling things what it is? Not doing double speak? So it's like, let's say, for example, you can say flex is a woman of color, but if I'm talking about if I'm saying I'm speaking on behalf of women of color, I'm really not. I don't know that broader experience. Even like you know, when people use or identify as a feminist to signore that they believe that all people should have rights.
It's like, well, your feminism isn't my feminism.
And now we're getting confused because you're talking about armpit hair and I'm talking about like emancipating black women.
It's not the same conversation, you know, And like I'm wearing a bra right now, I'm sorry.
So I think in this instance it gets really tricky because it's almost like we gave everybody the tool with no handbook, and we're saying, why do you use a hammer that? And they're like, how else do you use a hammer? I'm just trying to make it work. And then I was like, well, you're doing damage.
Actually, this negative feedback, yeah, is hurtful.
Do you think there's a line between looking at for ourselves and being selfish? I think it is, do you know what? Also, the big thing is I feel like, in conjunction with like this therapy speaks stuff, I feel like people get into this habit of thinking that they can become really like their best version of themselves on their own, not recognizing that in order to be like this evolved person, you have to do it with other people.
You gotta practice in real time.
You got to problem solve with the people that you have problems with, not just go on Twitter and do a little subtweet and then say that you were choosing to hold space, you know what I mean. So what's happened is we've all isolated ourselves and been like you
know what. I've read enough headlines to know that if I have a friend who is stressing me out, I just need to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like, I'm currently not in a position to hold space for you currently as supposed to being, Like, no, I need to get in the pit with my friends or Zipper I'll be like, hey, I don't know what I'm feeling, but let's talk it out.
Yeah, as we do so well, we do it fantastics.
We're in the pit, except for when I'm distracted by my phone. Yeah, okay, but I called you out and you called me out, and it took me about two more minutes to get back into the fine.
But I'll see you for this a second. Yeah, expectfully. You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
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